Wow, that is really funny, my pastor just preached the Love is kind sermon at a mice wedding online.  I mean I don't know if she meant that on purpose but that is how I see it and it is funny. It is some of my mice family from my mice parents who sleep near my face on my bed. That is where they live and my mouse father works in a bank and donates millions of dollars to places all over the United States and possibly in other countries.

Ravneet's sugar glider parents visit sometimes too, and there is a squirrel doctor that has to help sometimes when there is a traumatizing episode.

Also there are imaginary groundhogs that live under my bed. 

I had a good day today and feel okay. I am sending around facebook posts and it is kind of all very optional. I also feel like today's posts were all not the strongest ever but still good and I made the right choices about it.

Tomorrow I am going to try to take the books to BAC, then pick up two orders at the post office. Actually it might be late in the day that the orders are there.  I also need to get my rent check soon and will try to get a gyro at 86th street when I go to Wells Fargo.

What about the iron medicine. Well maybe it will be time for a steak and eggs soon.  

Pals. I go to a bible study on sunday nights and I really like it. I really like all of them.  I had to gaysplain them some the past two weeks but I believe I will kind of not keep it up so much.  But I care about htem being in the know.  I like to tell people the stuff that puts them on the cutting edge for my identity groups.

Well, have a good day everyone.

 Hello everyone. Today is Sunday, Sept 20. I am doing a conspiracy jackpot prayer for the world, requesting that everyone in the world receive all things ever requested by anyone in the conspiracy.  Well I believe that also means that people can add to it and add themselves to the conspiracy if they want their prayers to benefit more people. 

I feel that this is an opportunity for people who pray more traditionally than I do.  Some people keep prayer journals and faithfully pray for their friends and family in very specific, thoughtful, conversational and recurring ways. And most people know that I am like 45 trillion this and thats, imagining categories and locations and networks, and I list a bunch of nouns and gameshow prizes for crowds and strangers. I believe people do appreciate it and have tried to offer creative attention in return.  It is really sweet.  But I also sometimes see how weak I am at the other kind of prayer.  And I think the people who have been a little more patient and thoughtful might like to be included and have their prayers reapplied.  Some people probably don't think it is a thing.  They probably are like, show me in the bible one person who did that.

Well I'll show you someone in the bible.  Myself.  I am in the bible when it talks about the church and when Jesus says some stuff about future believers, and when it says God so loved the world that he sent his only son so that whoever believes in him sill not perish.

So that includes me, and I pray like this.  And some people knew it and witnessed facebook, and I don't see how anyone doesn't think that at least some of social media is obviously an answer to a mentally ill person's prayers.  I mean that could be the whole gag of it, is that it is kind of comical.  A funny memory for the world.  Like remember the turn of the milennium when people had nervous breakdowns and prayed a lot.  And then there was a complicated attention economy for almost the whole world. Because that is what we all wanted.  Attention. Like what we saw on TV growing up. and we got it. Yay!!!

So anyway I do not know why I am bringing this up except to say that for this jackpot blessing, it could be good if people added some stuff for either people they know or for people in China or the next generations or something, so we can maximize the request during this time span.  And honestly I don't feel that trillion trillion effect like what happened during the hacking. So I feel some limitations.

Well that is all, I am adding another post after this.

 Hello everyone, this is Refried. It is 10:43 am on Sunday. I had some ups and downs yesterday but am okay. I felt some of the career pain, which I often have enough relief from. 

My friend Haley talked to me and really did good with the religious support. Also she told me that library book was in fact a good book.  It was kind of a neutral, unbiased view. I mean. I don't know why it would be so unbiased when she is my friend, but she was like, yeah, it is a good book.

So okay. I had felt a happy feeling when I thought of people reading the books, but it can happen later and with other people.  And I think that I will put these people who didn't get a book back on the list and maybe try sending a joke book. I mean it is not the same and yet maybe that is more time friendly anyway.

If you are reading this and are one of the people, don't lose hope for your original book, but it is not that easy to do what I did when I mailed that batch of books. 

So okay. I got about a hundred views on that NYC post.  Some people really liked it. I think it is a cute post and true. I mean is another thin book in the works? I think I am far from that.

I currently have a lot of 7up bottles near my work station and I think maybe I should do a two week soda slow down. But I am doing well with the walking. 

Pals I had a good discussion with my Queer Kid Lit group yesterday and I think I am in a good place with attitude for the book industry. I think I really need to turn my attention to making sure everyone has a good place in the purgatory book worlds and children's book animal life. That is some of the purpose from me being stationed at Barnes and Noble for those years. It was to dip into other realms and imaginary lands and adventures for all people and populations that I would not have guessed. 

Well, have a good day, everyone.

 hey everyone this is refried, I feel better. I like the person who I sent the book to by accident. She emailed me to tell me and said something clever.  It makes me happy that she got the book and things will be okay. I mean I made my choice to send to addresses without being totally certain and there could be a 5 out of 10 bumble.  

What about the other person who did not get the book. I had trouble believing that he really did not get the book.  So I think my mind is kind of far gone right now.  I just am not sure I can do anything else with writing that is not disabled.

But I can try again with the people who did not get their book and really there were a few other people who could have been added so I mean maybe there will be another batch that is fun to send.

Let's not give up, just keep doing what I can every day.

What else. I think I will eat some food soon. I already had the turkey frozen meal. I mean honestly it feels like Christmas a little bit.

I did a new meme and it is pretty funny. It is the veggie tales tomato and I said something about conservatives throwing tomatoes at my comedy. I think it was good.

Well have a great day everyone.

 Pals, I think I was only 5 for 5 with the addresses. Sorry about that, I will try again sometime so it is not a fakeout.

also I just now saw the weird converse wording, sorry about that. I did not mean it as misrepresenting.

well, I did the best I could, I guess there is a decline in functioning and then the other stuff that didn't go well but I think I am able to accept it that someone bullied me at a key time and my career disappeared and there will be no recovery.

well have a good day everyone.

  Hello everyone, this is Refried. I just went to an awesome presentation. It is a good person who did something interesting and stuck with their preferred outlets and platforms in a way I respect. So way to go.

No one tortured me but I was worried that their actual presentation was yesterday and they did this one to catch stalkers but I am not a stalker and I think they know I just like that person in the same way as everyone else.

But now I see that other post I did in a different light and wonder if it was too rude. But I think it is okay. I mean people can read my posts and think anything they want.

So now I am going to take some books to Bronx Arts Council.

 Hello everyone, this is Refried. It is Friday, Sept 18. I feel back to normal. I had a dream where I was helping my friend Claire Bateman with a pet alligator and then went to a youth group party at Caroline Cheves' house and there was a creek with roots that were really snakes but they said don't worry about it and it was okay. I mean that was a weird series of dreams but it wasn't that scary.  When I was taking care of the alligator I went to a restaurant with Maura Dawson and some other people.

So that is interesting. What it all means is that I got good sleep. Today at 10 I have a meeting and then a presentation at 11 am. I think it is okay to wait until Monday to take the books to the bronx Council but I might go today if I am able to.

The main thing I want to say in this blog post is that I think yesterday's weather was about me. The way it was cool and overcast as I went to my appointment that took a long time to get there, etc. I just feel that it was a part of the Bellevue care from college and God's interesting New York thing that I am a part of. This might be bad to say, but I don't feel like every day is conspicuously like that. So I do not know what it means and why it was like that. I also had a good time at the support group last night and it was fun.

The email I got about the query had that bright writing quality that I kind of wish I had commented on, but it is okay to not compliment it.  But sometimes when I read people's writing, it is bright and comforting in a way that surpasses mine and that agent's writing was like that. Robin D's writing was like that one time too.  It is cool. It is not that crazy and writing is like that sometimes, but I think it is neat when writing contains a cheer that strong.

So anyway, that is sweet. I mean it is kind of funny because the advice was good too. The way my letter was like a normal letter just saying hello and she is like, it needs to be more about the book you are trying to sell.

Pals, why do I keep forgetting to take those Red Pencil books to NCB? I do not know but I go there often and I will take them next time. I did remember this time and then forgot again.

Ok what else. I am scared of this quesadilla because of food allergies but the corn things were so yummy. Pals, what is the meaning of that weather? You kind of have to guess that it is about a lot of us and not just me, but I do think it was the Bellevue miracle care. But I had narcolepsy because of dreading telling Dr. Talreja that I stopped the Latuda. And yet it went okay. So that is weird. I mean what does it mean, because you have a day like that where the weather is about you, but there was just three years of emotional abuse and a mess and bugs.

So anyway, that is interesting. I hope this book drop today goes well. I think it will be okay.

 Hey everyone, this is Refried Bean. Today is Wednesday, Sept 16. I slept well and yesterday talked to three phone-a-friends. Also the two meetings I had were awesome, and the Toastmasters on Monday was also great. I need to prepare a speech for the next meeting. So maybe later I will do some of the online training.

I paused the two facebook boosted videos. I felt like about 3.3 mil is good and I should save the money if it is not going to be over ten mil.  Because that was the reason for maxxing it out is that they were going to max it out but they did another halfsies trick so I did another pause. 

I am not boosting images instead until maybe a few days from now. And really there is no rush for that and yet my pace is at as much as possible, so that could be what is right. I think I will do the dog pillows for america and neon for India. Also maybe one for ALE.

I think the conspiracy is helping me.  Possibly I should use my new card to do another comedy class.  What do you gice think about that. I mean it could be ten steak dinners. 

Anyway there was just something funny from a legal shark.  The Bronx Civil Social Club wants a post. There will be a video soon. It will be very self controlled yet true.

Did India like the two videos I posted? I think they were cute. Like not ultimate but cute.

I think I might go to Bronx Council tomorrow morning to take the books.  Then talk to Drena, then take the shuttle to NCB.  I was going to do a YL visit to the lupus conference and eat at the BBQ place but I just can't. I mean it is a nice idea and not that weird, and not that cheesy, but I just can't.

Also I think I am not going to the BH puppet show. I am happy to just watch Crank Yankers and I am really sorry to not be more of a champ for NYC but it is going to mostly be a diner life. I mean this is an opportunity for people to see the "can't" of disability. Because a lot of people jsut don't believe it.

So anyway, have a great day, everyone.

 Hello everyone, this is Refried. I had a sudden inspection today and guess what, it is going to be a monthly inspection.  That is great news to me and I did not expect it. Also I like the Noemi person who came to see me, and Anthony.  It wasn't that bad today. I took out five bags of trash recently and had my laundry put up.  So really it went well.

Also medicaid is being renewed soon and health first is going to do it over the phone. Wow, that is great. It might happen today. I feel like they are conspicuously not torturing me. Thanks, everyone.

Ok, what else. My scale is under-reporting my weight, either because it is on an angle or needs a new battery, but honestly that is just what I need as I get through this next phase of getting back to normal. I mean honestly I think I am at about 198. That is actually not that good. But I think it is ten pounds down from last March.  Also I have probably recovered some muscle so maybe I did okay. 

What else, Facebook videos. This is where I feel like the numbers are not as good as I expected. They are doubled but not tripled and it seemed like they were honestly going to be around ten mil and it will probably be 7 mil.  That is still good. If it were easier to pause it I probably would and save the money. I mean maybe I will in a while but I do not know. 

I need to register for that talk I want to go to but I do not know if I seem like a problem person.

What about taking the books to the Bronx Arts Council. I think maybe I will do that Friday. Hmm maybe it should have been today. Or even yesterday. Well it is okay. Tomorrow I have two appointments.

Pest control is knocking on doors. They will spray soon and it will drop my mood a little. But it is okay.

Well have a good day everyone.

 Pals, I got the groceries. No water this time. I will get some more from Walgreens hopefully, maybe after delivering those other books.

How are things going in my apartment. Not that bad. I threw out a lot of trash this weekend. So next up is laundry, make the bed, clean the counter area.

And really after that it is in pretty good shape.

The other book delivery offer was a no go. I am kind of relieved but might need to still stock up on about ten joke books soon.

Gice I don’t think this weekend was a weight loss weekend but I probably maintained. The scale is now saying 191. Well that is not right but I might delude myself and calculate BMI. I think really I am at 196 which actually is great, that is ten pounds down. However I always went by this scale so possibly I am doing that well. And yet I don’t think so.

I think this will be a milkshake day. Also maybe I will try to talk to Erline later. I think I have let her down some but I am tired and sleeping at different times than before.

I just realized I need to email Drena.

Ok everyone, have a good day

 Hello everyone, this is Refried. It is 9:30 am on Tuesday, Sept 15. Today,  I am going to try to do a grocery order. I have some space on my shelves and in my freezer.  So I will probably try to do that at about 11 am. I mean maybe I should do it now and beat the traffic. So maybe at 10 am so they at least have a chance to do it before lunchtime.

Anyway I boosted two videos and my numbers were doubled. I tried to make the most of it but if it doesn't really pay off in the long run then I won't do that again. I will just enjoy the half price pay. So far it is going well. I am at a cool mil.

Last night I had a dream that my sister yelled at me in a car and I was like hmm is this an evil spirit and if so how do I rid myself of it. So I think it is gone but now it seems like it was possibly just a bad dream.  But I do not know because when I reach a lot of people online, I feel various powers attack my mind.

Anyway also of note is that I got rejected for the Sparrow credit card. And I know I should have just waited a couple of weeks. I did not realize that the deadline was farther away and I could wait. Because it was too soon after another card.  And that happened another time.  But I think I can try again another month and it will work.  That is what happened with the Zable card. So really there are two possible cards on the horizon if I need it: Indigo and Sparrow, and maybe a credit line increase on a few of the other cards.  

Are you guys surprised I did these videos? Well it has been a while. I kind of do respect Facebook for boosting my numbers, because that other set of posts was sort of brave in a facebook way.  And yet I also kind of feel like it is about them wanting to control and even ruin the world with bad politics.  So that is where I question it.

Last night's toastmaster meeting was great. I think I am giving a speech next Saturday. So I need to work my way through the online training thing.

Well, have a good day everyone.

 Hello everyone, this is Refried. It is Sunday, Sept 13 at about 10 am. I just drank some coffee but if it is not raining, I might walk to Starbucks soon.  However I still have some biscuits from the fried chicken extravaganza, so maybe I will heat up a biscuit and wait a while. 

I restored that meme. I mean I just was falling asleep last night and felt like archiving it and I did feel okay doing that.  Will I archive it again later, I do not know. 

It was kind of hard to find the archive on my computer. Also, I think I need to cancel that subscription thing somehow.  Facebook decided to promote my page because of that joke.  I do not respect that.

So anyway, are my books selling? I do not think they are. I think people are waiting until I am dead and it doesn't benefit me in any way.  Kind of like christian family members who wait as long as they can to profess their faith, so as to torture the christians who care.  It is the same kind of thing.

Anyway, does anyone have any thoughts? I personally do like Charlie Kirk. I think he was cool and tried hard and believed what he believed and was refreshing as compared to some of the social control. He could be a martyr even though it was political. At the same time, there is some major laziness and stupidity from that political side.  The way people got fired for saying their actual opinions, and the way people don't believe in religious liberty, and wow, the way some people overtly despise the disabled.

Ok so am I going to try to take the comedy class in October. I do not know. I do have enough stuff for a routine almost. And I would probably think of a little bit more. It is just that it creates a narrow window for a November trip.  But that is okay.  It works out fine. And the cost issue is the main thing. I mean I could call Anne and mom later and ask for the cost of the comedy class. Well let's see how I feel, because I already asked for extra recently. And yet it is small numbers as compared to Anne's business stuff.

I guess some of the issue is that it is time for a new generation and I don't see them as clearly as some people do. But I did write books for them but the hypocrites censored me. All it is is censorship, lie to yourself and say it is something different.  Call it failure, people four hundred years ago will call you something too.

 Pals, this is Refried. It is Sept 13. I am making some coffee. I need to clean my room today but it is not an emergency. I just weighed myself and the weight was back to normal which I believe actually must be a lower reading than what is accurate. So I really have to go by the hospital reading a little bit.  And yet it was always a little higher.  So maybe just estimate that my weight loss is happening.

Anyway, I archived that joke, but it is pretty funny, so who knows, maybe I will take it out of archive.

Unfortunately, facebook is recruiting subscribers for certain content, and I do not know how to turn that feature off. Because I tried to set that up a long time ago. But who knows, maybe I will end up posting the more normal poems that I think there is no audience for.

Did you guys like that joke? I think it was pretty funny. I tried to get some more praying done but did not feel as much power as during the day yesterday.

Anyway some of the church people are saying that the issue is forgiveness for the liberals who treated me like a trumper.  I see it. I get it, how we were all the church already so something is on me too.  And everyone who saw them as like needing conversion instead of telling people who really didn't know.

And yet I think God did work stuff out for our country for a certain time like the word did get out. I mean maybe the racism that I think was a bad decision on both sides is a sign of Obama's leadership being gone, and I should not try to control it.

So anyway, the coffee is ready now. I hope I have milk. I probably will walk to Starbucks later.

Does anyone have any thoughts? Should I restore the meme? I might but I do not know.

 Hello everyone, I just threw out that old spaghetti. Definitely some kind of moldy problem from it. Possibly a reaction between the sauce and cheese.  In fact, I think that was the issue, was the cheese component.

I posted a joke that almost makes no sense and is really in bad taste and yet wow it did get the right effect, as if it makes total sense after all.

It was kind of hard to post those recent jokes because they were a little out there. I mean wow they sure were out there, but I generally try not to waste jokes.

So I guess that soon I will try to clean up some more in the apartment but honestly it isn't that bad and I got some roach control stuff.

I mean actually it is kind of messy. I mean when will I clean, if not today.

I think the chat gpt joke could be worded better and only a few people will understand but it is still kind of comical based on the news about ai.

And then honestly I really think the turning 50 one is funny just to me, like I really find it funny. But it is a little sick, and yet that is why it is funny.

As for Sept 11, there is no reason for anyone to take it in any way that is bad or something. It is part of a new comedy routine where I suggest that the conversations when people say where they were on sept 11 can be thought of like part of an ongoing investigation. I mean I think that is kind of funny.

Well, have a good night everyone.

 Hello everyone, this is Refried. It is Saturday, Sept 12. I just went to a Mensa discussion group, and it was so fun. We talked about ai. I told them that soon if someone typed in "take over the world," then that would be it.

Before that, I went to a spirituality group and it seemed like some people tried to zap me, which put me in an intense spiritual zone of prayer for some kind of confrontation of that bothersome thing, but also forgiveness, and in my mind I found the beginnings of a new report card program for my judgement day rewards committee aspirations.  So as part of my gameshow rewards program in conjunction with official judgement day procedures in heaven, I will now be also assisting with a report card program.  This allows me to pray for supernatural amounts of permanent forgiveness and soul status when people do wrong, but with the possibility of a very meaningful, exacting acknowledgement of exactly how unacceptable some things are sometimes. Really, I think that matches biblical concepts of people being required to acknowledge their sin before God.  Like you will confess.

Really, I do not know what people's intentions were at the group. Did people work together to zap me and set something up, or was it really one person who zapped me based on someone else's positive comment earlier? Well I do not know.  But wow it was deep spiritual power and I think we all learned a lot.

Anyway, I have prayed before and asked God to give each person I could think of a phone book full of stats, like complicated analysis and witnesses of all their choices and behaviors and strivings, and I feel that facebook is a very literal and obvious granting of that request in the immediate present and internationally for many people.  So that is kind of crazy and yet I do feel highs and lows of prayer power, and like the light social attention people get is the main thing I was able to request and receive for people. And that seems right to me, though I am praying for other locations to get hospitals, food, and churches.

Well, I hope everyone found this interesting. Some of it might be mental illness but I am taking plenty of medicine and feel much better from revolting against the racist abuse that happened to me in the Bronx.

 Pals I don’t know why people would say Mamdani should have skipped the 9/11 event. That is racist and bigoted or whatever the word is for being wrong and mean.

He is the mayor. Let him be a Muslim, let him be a good mayor. Is he supporting the Jewish people enough against anti semitism? I do not know, but mostly he is the one being discriminated against in his role.

Anyway I just talked to my mom. I was eating breakfast with her at IHOP when Sept 11 happened. Our waitress told us about each plane and I think that was nice because she could have kept it to herself.

I drove home looking at the sky to see if more planes would hit us in SC, and I also was apologizing to God because I thought it was my fault for driving my car too much and wasting oil from the Middle East.

So anyway that is sad, I was severely depressed for four years on the wrong psych meds. 

Well, have a good day everyone.

 Hello everyone, I just successfully went and got some waters and 7ups. Then I went to Popeyes chicken and got some food for the weekend. 

It is warm in this apartment right now. I do not know if the air is on but if it is not it will simply be a report and the Bridge will be fined for their consistent, disrespectful illegal abuse. 

It's fall weather again, time for the Bridge to cheat us out of our rent and legal rights.

Anyway, maybe the air will come back on later and it is just on low. Let's give them a chance, like fools every time. 

I think I will go downstairs and ask if the air conditioning is on.

Pals.  Someone bought my book called "Failed Mission to the Liberals." I think it was probably one of my facebook friends. My guess is that it was Anne Shaughnessy. Thanks, Anne. I am going to reread the book right now to see how I feel about others reading it.

Wasn't that so heartwarming today at Dunkin Donuts when that person bought that guy a sandwich? I mean it really just made my day and I thought about it later and was happy for like ten minutes.

But I do have scatterbrain so I did forget about it.

But anyway I had a good day but I need to get my apartment under control. 

Also I need to take my medicine in just a little while. I am getting tired but need to take the medicine as soon as I can. But I do feel back to normal.  The issue yesterday was because of the MSF event.  That is what I think, unless it had to do with phone a friends.

But I do not know.

So anyway I just read that Trump is trying to bribe voters with tax money.  And there was something bad on the news site that I saw.  Also, NBC is showing some news to only subscribers, which is disturbing to me in some ways, like it might be a way of tracking people or something. But I do not know.

Anyway I did two humor memes tonight and they were both very extreme.  I mean it is rough when your mental health also happens to be in question.  But I think they are funny jokes.

Pals I am so tired but it is hard to go take my medicine but I of course will.

Have a good day everyone. Tomorrow is Sept 11. Honestly it gets me every year.

 Hello everyone, this is Refried. It is Thursday, Sept 10. I did not post that blog post on my facebook page but probably will soon but that was kind of weird how that happened. 

So anyway, then I went to support group and I kind of talked too much and didn't do perfect. But people were nice to me but sorry everyone that I was kind of greedy. I did not mean to be. I just forgot and was wordy.  But I also always think that people do need support and there should be a few hands up for each person usually. 

So anyway I did the best I could and last night I did not go to support group and I think nami tries to support the regulars when we need it and they knew some stuff happened recently.

However I possibly was selfish.

And this brings us to another interesting topic, which is that I sometimes saw my sister as the chomp chain on super Mario and she saw me as bowser.  But the bad things those particular characters do is reversed, and my sister blocks stuff like bowser, and I was greedy like the chomp chain.  

Isn't that so bad of me to say? Well I just find it interesting and I do not know what it means, except it might have been set up to be written right now on this blog.

The Re-Stains of the Day

 Hello everyone, I just thought of a blog post topic that might belong on my mad blog. In fact, I think I will put it on the mad blog soon.  But it is about writing and publishing.  And for some reason, while thinking about Substack a few minutes ago, I happened upon this topic that I find myself absolutely suddenly outraged about.  I mean I did not even know that this was percolating in my mind, but here it is.

Recently I saw a video where someone was questioning the expectation for writers to have "platforms," or rather, supply all the readers themselves before an agent and publisher accept them.  I also questioned this five years ago when it became a thing, and I was suggesting that the word "platform's" meaning had sneakily changed.  So anyway, finally some other people are seeing something sketchy about it, and I do agree. 

But there is something else that I find even more outrageous, and for some reason, I just now saw it so clearly in my mind after not really realizing how offended I am by this other thing.

So here it is... email lists.  This popular recent writing advice, or really just the stated news fact that you might not be able to reach anyone without your own email list, is another mandate from that same time where some people became popular and the experts began telling all of us failure people to be more like them, at least on the surface.  So what is offensive about being told to have an email list?

Well, the reason that email lists started to seem necessary is because the much more successful social media platforms were suddenly transformed from one of the best things that ever happened to us into a horrible thieving counter-monetized social life-stealing swindle.  And the same people who ruined facebook on purpose were the ones saying to now invest in email lists.

The overt bullying from political people to their own friends after thirty years in which they too did not succeed in helping immigrants is what I am talking about.  And to just say, well now you have to have an email list, is simply part of that hypocrisy.  Because at one point, there was a blessing that we had called social media, which included opportunities to reach people.  But up and ups and low down dirties all decided to ruin it for us. 

It is a fact, and people made their choice, and it can't be undone in order to hide it. Does it tarnish anyone's success? Not necessarily.  But not necessarily not, either.  Because wow, there were winners and losers, and did all the losers deserve it? Probably not. So what about the winners? Before I get on that tangent, I have one more thing to say about email lists and platforms.  The people who chase those things that seem to work and prescribe them to the rest of us who seem so inferior actually probably aren't seeing the real keys to success.  The real things that people who succeed on those levels do are likely to start years before and be very integrated in their lives as organic decisions that aren't that different from anyone who is doing what they really care about. And most writers do care and have something to say. I mean, sure, why not list the things that are working, why not give people the opportunity for relevant education, why not point out the clues that seem to suddenly work.  And yet, "you're going to need an email list because we are ruining this platform that we also told you to have," is nothing other than total bullcrap. Do you think that is sour grapes from me? Or is it the feces that you smeared all over the church of better writers.

 Pals, guess what, I saw my buddy named Danielle! At Starbucks!  from Jewish Board! It was so fun and she helped me not be scared of the story shield.  But I told her there was one that had to do with her because there is a Daniella and a Danielle and the evil forces might not know which one to attack. I mean you don't just tell someone that.  But I did but she is still my friend.

I think it is a reward because I volunteered to be a leader at the MSF event but nice I am not a good leader! I am going to have to tell the people I am not a good leader and don't know how to run the music.

But maybe they want to listen to Starbucks music. But I think that is what I should do now if find the playlist.

Ok thanks everyone.

 Hi everyone, this is Refried. It is 2:48. I feel back to normal but expect some visions for a day or so and figured out why it is happening. It is probably because of the Doctors Without Borders mapping event. God likes them and I have seizures sometimes when I pray for them. And that was also probably why the hurricane happened when I was at NCB, and there could also be an Asheville connection from when I prayed at the gas station that time. I am not saying that it is about me, but I have wondered what the meaning is and possibly that is the way that it is ironically not about me.

So anyway I know I seem like a kook now but it is actually the opposite. I am volunteering tonight in the meeting but my internet is not that great. But I think I will try to use my computer instead of my phone if I can. And I will log on at home and not Starbucks.

Soon I talk to Drena. I am glad I figured out why I was having slight spells of something.

Well have a good day everyone.

 Pals, if you do not get your book, please let me know or just order one later. I am sorry that sometimes the packages get torn or misdelivered etc.

The next batch is for Bronx Council for the Arts. There may be enough for the park or a normal few at pastors, priests, and guides. But there might not. So please be patient everyone and to my knowledge the Amazon page works so let’s none of us be too proud to just spend $5.

Hello everyone, this is Refried Bean. It is Monday, Sept 7. I just packed up three more books to mail out. So there are ten packages total. I hope they all get to the people and don't get sent back.

It is a good batch and now I have given away all my copies of the jumbo titles. But I think I still have two copies of the mice series but I think I will keep those for a while.

So that is interesting. That took a lot of work for a day or two. I mean maybe only a few hours.

So anyway now what.  I guess take my medicine soon. Or maybe take a walk. I think I will take a walk.

Maybe google the brain condition. My neurologist is keeping an eye on things. 

She said my brain adapted already to the low iron so there was not "damage."

ok,.. I just think this low iron situation is very bad. And sometimes I do not feel well.

But I think this is part of the process of dying and that is what is happening now.

So that is sad but it will be okay. 

I am glad to send out some more books.

I think I am at about 3000 total official, but really maybe 3500-4000 depending on what you count.

Some people are really happy to have the books.  Some people got left off but honestly it is not that easy.

But it is not that hard, either, like it is part of my normal work life.

Gice honestly my face is not totally back to normal and the weight loss stalled as well.

But it is okay. I feel okay and I have clean clothes and the roach motels are at the post office and the other shipment is on the way. Grocery money resets tomorrow and I am doing okay.

I will call my mom in a few hours and hopefully she is okay too.  I mean what if we aren't doing that great, that is also okay.

Ravneet helped me get through the weekend. I need to think about some of the conspiracy things. The New York conspiracy and how it is going to be fun in heaven. Like New York City is going to exist in heaven and there are a lot of good people headed there.  And some people didn't get their piece of the pie but just think about how cool most of us are. I mean we are nice people and a certain way.

 Hello everyone, this is Refried. It is 1:20 on Sunday, Sept 6. I am listening to a recording of a presentation that I liked at the SCBWI conference. Friday I found out that the agent of choice did not accept me.

Today I went to Starbucks and drank a mocha. Later I am going to try to go get pizza, but I need to take an iron pill, because I feel myself getting tired. It is a certain kind of tired that also has a mental spaciness.

Ravneet is helping me get through this weekend and I am doing okay. I think I might believe things to be a certain way for myself. Last night I got upset because I realized an amazon package was not delivered, and I suspected mail interference.  But this morning I see that things are in order.

My mom had a second hip surgery and my sister is taking care of her. I called her this morning and she was okay. But she had pain but I think she is getting through it.

Wow someone on the recording just said something really good. It is about middle grade not being dead.

Other stuff going on is my recent neurology appointment.  Dr. Gokhan said I do not have lupus.  I think I am going to call it autoimmune from now on.  Something made me laugh at the appointment.  It was a comedian on the show called "Sherrie," which was playing in the waiting room. And I laughed really loud, and then Dr. Gokhan later laughed when I said I might get a stroke from eating spicy food. 

So that is kind of funny but we do not know what anything means. I did not get any notes from either doctor at that hospital for these last two appointments. And I am kind of sad about that, because I like notes. But I think they suspect that I am skipping some meds. But I am doing the best I can.

So anyway. I think the agent of choice was my final effort. Thanks KG.

Well everyone, I hope you all have a good day. I am thankful for what I have, and sometimes I know when some of my jokes are only a little bit funny.

 Hello everyone, this is Refried. I just slept for a while, and I feel better. I had a dream where I was at a basketball game and a guy kept trying to make these shots from behind the goal and then another guy did some swishes and then I was at home and told my mom I was going to bilo to meet a friend so I left but then was on a bike or something and cut through a culdesac that doesn’t exist and there was this guy with a shiny pink tri corner outfit and he was a dad and he had left colorful twizzlers out on his porch area for the Easter bunny and then I was on Pelham road on a long boardwalk that went straight to bilo but it was at night and I had a light on my bike and a girl was in front of me talking to someone else about a film school project and then I woke up.

So that is neat about the twizzlers and Easter bunny.

I think I am okay about the other stuff on my mind and can get a pizza or something soon. I mean possibly I need to do a grocery order but I kind of want a pizza but now my bank accounts aren’t that great.

Does anyone have any thoughts? There are many different supernatural feelings for many different things and that is why I started thinking that anything positive might be more supernatural than we realize.

Anyway I need to clean my apartment some so I will take out the trash soon and maybe do laundry sometime.

I am glad I am caught up on sleep and medicine.

 Hey everyone, this is Refried. I took 5 books to the arts council and met a nice person named Tracy. She let me put the books on a table. Thanks, Tracy! She said I could come to an event and leave free books for everyone and I wouldn’t even have to hand them out personally. But maybe I should mingle. I think there is a possible gig but I might have something else scheduled that day.

But anyway that went well and I jibber jabbered at high speed so tomorrow I will try to slow down and not get in trouble about the medicine.

 Hello everyone, this is Refried. The next thing to do today is walk back to westchester square. But it is hot and humid outside. So maybe I will but I don’t know.

I mean maybe it is not urgent to give those books to that office but I think I will but I remembered another possible person to send to yesterday.

But it is slowing down for a reason but that could just be my feeling of disability.

I kind of think passing out books in parks might be my new thing to do. I wanted to give that lady one today but it seemed like she was on a cellphone and I did not want to be weird.

So anyway ups and downs live and learn. It is time to eat some lunch. I mean what’s it going to be for lunch today. I guess fettuccine Alfredo. Hmm I could actually boil pasta and use that sauce. That is what I will do.

 Hello everyone, this is Refried. Today is Thursday, Sept 3.  I think after I finish my coffee, I will walk to the post office. It might be at about 11 or 12. I have good news which is that my weight was 194 today. So I am losing weight at a good rate.  This week it was because of the walking and not eating much for two days when I was working on the art and poems.  Some of it has happened gradually at about 3 pounds a month for four months.  That was the point. That was the issue.

So hopefully it will continue until I am right back at 186. It is possible I will lose a little more than that because of the low iron, but honestly I would rather the low iron be fixed.

I feel better today and don't have the headache. I think it was from the sausage or something.

I am not getting more face problems.  I think the issue has been successfully stopped and now I just need to stop the anxiety habits.  But that will also be reduced because there won't be a problem in the first place.  So the habit is also guaranteed to be reduced.  So forget your little blame plan that you have in mind.

Anyway in the news today it said that Gloria Steinem died.  She was in my comedy routine and it is a good joke.  Thanks Gloria Steinem.  Everyone knows I like all the liberals.  It is supernatural. When I went to that young life thing, tears started streaming down my face as soon as I saw the planned parenthood building. It was supernatural evangelical tears.  We do not know why but it is my calling. But we kind of do know why and it is because most liberalism is really from christianity. It just is.

Anyway I can't believe my weight is at 194.  It happened faster than I expected but I am used to it being totally hopeless. I think part of it is the angle that the scale is on but it is still consistent relatively.

Honestly my bmi isn't that great but I am still thankful that it has improved. It is now 32.3.  I believe I will get it back down to 31 and that is normal for me. I mean that is only a couple of pounds away.

But I need to build some muscle back so that is a factor. I mean in that way I am a little worse than I was before no matter what.  And some of that is from disease.  But I am on the right track as long as north central doesn't attack me tomorrow. I think they won't.  Can't people see that I am sane enough right now? This needs to be good enough for people.

Anyway, how are my facebook numbers.  Very good, but I can't spend more for a while. I mean that is serious. I have used up that budget. That was with a little bonus this month.  But I have a credit card in better condition than normal.  The Ollo card.  Which I will use for steak and eggs at the diner.

Well, that is all for now. Thanks everyone.

 Hello everyone, this is Refried. I have had a headache today. Is it from that piece of sausage that I ate at McDonalds a few days ago? I do not know. But I am okay. I am making some coffee. I thought it was a caffeine headache but I bet it is the lupus.

I think I still have anemia tongue but it is not that bad.  

I wonder if that poetry spell happened in conjunction with MC's group.  Because I had just been wondering if it wouldn't happen again because I left the creative writing group on Mondays.  And then it happened overnight and is back to normal now.  So maybe God was showing me that it could still happen.

I mean that is cool and interesting.  And then what are the poems like? There is quite a variety and they are mostly okay.  And yet kind of an odd assortment to be a revelation.  And yet it wasn't really prophecy necessarily but sacred art. Like it is. Sorry but it is. It was inspired.  But there were mistakes too and corrections and editing.  And yet I could do no wrong, either.

But I kind of could do wrong when I was yapping about it and I would feel the air get colder in my soul.

So that is interesting. Something I was aware of was kind of the paper rock scissors component with millions of people. Like God doesn't exalt people to wrench others and doesn't have an economy that is abusively competitive.  You don't have to suffer when someone else is doing well.  That is healthy church life and it is us who mess it up.  

But anyway it was also interesting that the Holy Spirit backed up the exact content that is already usually on my blog. Where I am like this is what I am eating and I need to do these chores and I should pray more.

But anyway does anyone have any thoughts? I mean that was interesting. I guess just read the poems and think about it. I am glad it only lasted a day because I was like man how am I going to do a whole three days, or even a week.  And I think last time it was two weeks.

I feel my headache a little bit.  What should I do about these health problems. I guess the next step is talk to Dr. Gokhan, and then later make an appointment to check my iron levels again at Dr. Parik.

The headache is not a low iron emergency. It is either from caffeine, a certain time, the weather, or  the sausage biscuit.

Pals, I cut my bank account too close paying back cards.  I hope there aren't too many more that go through tomorrow or something.  Probably this was all. I thought I calculated well but I guess it was that 80 for US Bank that really hit me. But it will be okay. 

Well, have a good day, everyone.

 Pals, the numbers on my posts are back to normal. So that is good. This is a good batch running right now. I do not know if the poetry thing will continue. It might have passed with me not boosting a blog post on my normal facebook page. So I do not know.

I did not go to the post office. I got tired and slept. I am caught up on medicine. I mean at 4 pm maybe I could still walk to the post office to get the roach motels. But I think I am waiting a day or so.

That was an interesting poem adventure, wasn't it? I do not know if it will continue.

Pals I have sure been at my computer a lot.  Now my internet is slow again. So maybe I will try to stay off of it sometimes. I mean just today there was a five hour chunk where I was sleeping.

I mean if you think about this opportunity to communicate with people all over the world, it is kind of out of the ordinary and something to make the most of while it exists.

I think I lost a pound in the past couple of days. That is really good. I mean that is a tenth of my goal.

I am going to assume that I am back to normal unless I think of more poems. 

I wonder if it is bad that I did not boost any of the worldly monk posts yet. Well I just haven't on that page and I think it is okay. I mean I have boosted a lot of posts recently.

Here is a meme I did not use but I think it is cute and the birds are cool. I mean that is a Canva style of bird so as I use it, other people will also find these birds for their ai pictures.

Should I go take a walk. Well I think I need to take a shower. I feel a tongue problem again from the low iron. But it is not that bad and I don't have much fatigue. I guess I will take an iron pill. I think I can tolerate more iron pills without the extra medicine.  So that could work out. But I think the iron pills might not be absorbed that great. Because I did take several for a week before that last blood test.

Now I need to make coffee and take a shower. Is anyone reading this. Do you guys like my memes.  Is everyone sick of my posts? I kind of think it is okay when a lot of art drops, but to me, the old marker art became a bit much.  And yet it shows that I did try non ai.

Well, have a good day everyone.

 

 Pals, I had to fix another major meter mistake. But it is okay. This process does not mean not editing. It is just poem writing but for some reason I keep thinking of more. I mean it makes you realize that most of the positive things we do have a supernatural component that we are just used to in some way probably.

But anyway I took my medicine. Wow I don't know why I delayed it but it is so much easier without the latuda. My face is not back to normal but the thing that causes the problem is in fact gone. So hopefully I will recover and get back to normal. I mean normal wasn't perfect but they did hurt my health. 

An apple one day

Hospitals are needed where there's pain and aches and strife.

So maybe there will be one in each choice of afterlife.

And who could be the people that in hell would have that curse?

Well maybe all the doctors who have always made us worse.

 Pals I fixed that mistake. That is exactly what I was saying. I mean weird that there are mistakes and the meter thing is an issue.  But the meter still is a meter in a certain way.

I feel fine. I will probably eat some ice cream.

It is about 1 am. I will take my medicine sometime. It is easier when I don't have to eat the food with it. I predict that my sleep schedule will be corrected.

Pals I think the poems are the goal and not a big prayer haul but I think I can get the usual stuff or more.

Well, have a good day everyone. I think I am not going to talk to Erline tonight but I appreciate all the phone a friends etc. Pals, what do we want, blessings, when do we want it, now.

 Hello everyone, this is Refried. It is Tuesday at 11:30. I am having a good time writing poems. I mean I wasn't really doing anything else except being on my computer too much doing ai art.  And writing poems is a little bit more meaningful and something I worked at more as a profession.

So that is good. Anyway I just wrote a poem I thought of because of an email about art history. And it was an awesome email that I found very interesting. I mean you could see how the icon was in fact supernatural. So that is really great.

I mean what does it all mean, we do not know. But it is kind of interesting. I mean let's think about this.  The roaches in my apartment. How I need to walk to the post office to get the roach motels I ordered.  But my room is like a roach motel. Like if you hear the word "roach motel," you think of a motel with roaches. And that is what my room is.  But anyway if you think about it, and the cleaning that I need to do, and how I did wash two dishes today, but that was rather minimal, and then suddenly it is poem time again.

And then how I am writing this blog post and it is just like all my blogging always is. 

Pals I think I can get some good prayers prayed right now. I will do facebook friends, NYC, crisis places and people in the world, maybe the future, but mostly people who need stuff right now or want stuff.

I think something interesting is that the eggplant poem is currently posted. And that was the poem I wrote when I reflected on how funny it is that the poems were supernatural and that is what they were about.

Like if you do see it as supernatural and then consider the jokes etc.

Well, that is all for now. Have a great day.

Pals, the poem thing is happening where I think of a lot of poems for a few days. I think it is because of a facebook share but I don't know which one. It is either from posts I boosted today, or because I am about to boost one on my regular page. It could be a worldly monk post.  I would suspect it is the one with the cross but it could be either one. It is mostly a good feeling. I just sit and think and then I realize it is a poem idea and I write it and it is easy to write. 

The pace is okay but after a while I do get tired so I hope I can last the whole three days. Last time it was a week or two. I do not really know why. But it has to do with posting a cross and I think there is a rule about honoring God and then he backs you up and for me that is the zone for some reason. 

What I am wondering is whether I need to share the poems yet. I think it is not about this blog. It is about the poems.  So I could keep them to myself and possibly already should have.

But maybe people following along in their weekly reader can see how it works.

I mean honestly I wonder if this is from a spiritual gift of someone reading it. 

 Pals, bad news. Facebook is forcing me to click the "advantage creative" in order to give them permission to change my post.  Supposedly it would be a variation of the post, but a variation could change words or images to anything.  That is really bad and could be a sign of oppression and persecution on bad levels.  

This could be the end of my international posts.  Definitely I did all that I could. I am glad I went back to still images. I think I got more for my money during a time that I did not have as much.

Maybe this is an additional incentive to change to video. I can also see some other creative work from people and am aware that my art is at certain levels. But it is a good level for what it is, but inferior to some people's skill and ideas. However I am really happy with it. I think retroactively it will also hold up as cute. You can see how some of the main entertainment industries failed on cuteness sometimes.  But there are still examples of ultimate cuteness from a lot of artists out there.

I think I will write Elizabeth Warren an email about facebook forcing me to sign over creative control in order to run an ad.  I think it is such a mainstream channel that they could be prohibited from that kind of disrespect and dishonesty.

Anyway, I guess when facebook ruins this opportunity, then I will just eat more steak dinners and lobster.

It is sad, though, because it is a good hobby. Maybe things will go well in America.  But I really enjoyed sending the posts overseas.

But let's not despair, because other people will also leave if they change our posts too much.

Am I going to do opinion videos? Probably for my facebook friends. But I don't need to do that right now.

Maybe I can do a video for Bronx Civil Social that is like a tour or view of the hospitals and then say what has happened and how I feel about it.

 Hello everyone, this is Refried. I did a lot of memes on Canva today. There were a few good ones, but most were just okay. I mean I say that when the quality of several prompts was really good, but really how many zingers are there? Only a few. And nothing I feel that urgent about sharing. Except maybe that rabbit one. It is really cute.

So anyway I also shared a worldly monk post. I mean how many of these posts will I do before finally boosting some. Well I do not know. But I just remembered that issue yesterday. I couldn't remember exactly what they were saying and then I did and it is just ridiculous.

However, it is close to the canary in the coal mine idea and there is such a thing as suspecting a cause behind a mass mental health pandemic.  But saying it is personal sin is just a lie that people use to feel superior.  And I can't believe that anyone would still take it seriously. 

So I wrote a post about it, and I forgot to add the way people like to quote the "perfect love drives out all fear" verses to the mix whenever someone has anxiety. I mean still that verse is true I guess, but what is the motive behind quoting it? Blame.  

But the christian witness of depressed people has been great in our time.  And yet my books got shut down, didn't they? I think that is shameful for the people who did get rolled through. I really think that. 

But anyway that is enough of that. 

I ate a really good meal today which was a stouffers salisbury steak frozen meal. It just hit the spot. It is too rainy and humid today to go take a walk in time before the storm hits. I mean maybe I could have taken a walk but I stayed inside and I believe that is okay.

 

 Hello everyone, this is Refried. I just paid a payment on my US bank card. It is an account that was transferred from American Express. I think I will keep the account. They did something sketchy with the bank account info but it is okay for now. Also, what about the other cards. I think I can call and ask to have them removed, or like two people removed.  

I mean that is questionable but in a way they have the main account number as the real account and the other cards as just usable things that are not connected to people's credit. However I still think it is questionable but at this point, I am the one in question.  So I mean I do not really know what to do about that. Hopefully it will be okay.

Something good that happened is that I got a good groundhog picture on ai.  That always helps my mood when there are good renditions.  Last night I felt the mental effects of too much ai.  Like when you play Tetris for too long.

Wow that was actually disturbing to think I had to close the business account.  I think it is okay now.

I did spend my whole deposit paying off credit cards.  But I had enough but it turned out to be kind of exact but I am at peace for now.  I hope my sister is able to do the normal deposit on the 15th. I mean possibly we could wait and do the 20th and it could be mom again.

There are storms and rain today so I am not taking a walk. I kind of miss it, like that was the right activity to be doing.  Yesterday was an 8 mile day.  

I saw a lot of link clicks on some of my posts and thought they might have gone to the book site, but I think facebook was counting the post likes. But it was interesting to feel the feeling of the amazon link working, because that is how it should be.  I mean I honestly have to wonder if facebook is actually blocking my site.  I just have to wonder that.  Because what I have done all these years simply should have worked.  And it has to be someone else's decision for it not to work. People say that is delusional, but they say anything I do is delusional.  The other thing is that other people's books are also not selling. So it is an industry thing. Also, people are noticing the scams of publishing and agents, and who gets rolled through and who doesn't.  Only sometimes now, it is who gets rolled through to nothing.

Because the billionaires have automated the systems to benefit themselves. I think some of the politics is going to be harder to deny as well.  The people who thought they could be superior through a vote and now that is over and everyone wishes they still had a good social media blessing.  But that was an injustice they were happy to overlook.

Anyway back to this low iron thing. I am trying a new low iron medicine soon but can't pick it up until Sept 4. I also need to go to the medicaid office that day. I mean am I wrong about the timing. I think it is okay. But I should go to the post office in the next day or so in case medicaid mailed me anything.

Well, that is all.  What should I be doing. I think I should be taking a walk.  Yesterday I left my mug on the bench. Hopefully Luis got it so it is not wasted.  I am using one of the Ihop mugs I bought on eBay. It is a small mug so I might need two coffees. And I ate some Corn Pops. I think the low iron might help me lose weight by reducing my appetite.

I feel good right now so it could be that night time is going to be the issue with the medicine etc. But I think the issue last night was the low iron again.  Are you guys sick of me saying that? Well I am tired of having the problem and usually my health problems get better with care.  But not this time.  And some people don't care.  And it is suspicious to me. Very suspicious.  

Also I need to remind myself that I saw how I wasn't going to ever get the money from the books. 

I saw it a long time ago and it is part of the torture. I saw the torture. I was more accepting of the torture so I need to remember that the financial thing is part of the torture.  And it has to do with being a children's book writer.  And that is going to work out and is a thing that can make up for the other losses.  I don't know if that is how to phrase it on subjects like that.  Like if it is supposed to be something religious instead.  I just think the suffering is part of a children's book writer profile and it is like all of us doing a little something for the kiddos.  

So maybe I will clean my apartment or something. 

Pals, here is a picture I did on ai.  It reminds me a little bit of Miro.  Honestly when I type in "wallpaper design," the pictures are only of a certain quality.  So that is weird.

But anyway, I think I have now been back to my better medicine for four days, so I am seeing the improvements.  The dreams are back to normal, I feel more love, and hopefully my skin will be better soon, too.  That might take a second because it has to heal from the last episode. But I think it is working.  what else: Digestion.  I think the digestion is better but I felt a little sick last night like slight nausea. That might be from stopping it. Or it could be from low iron. I just think the low iron is a problem that we need to solve and it is not getting better.

I also feel more energy, but I have to make sure there is not a manic effect. So far I am sleeping well, so that is good.  I think yesterday I just felt that feeling after the caffeine and worried a little bit.

Yesterday I walked 8 miles. It felt normal.  So hopefully I will continue walking and get back to normal with health. 

I think I should clean my apartment as well as I can so the apartment people have no reason to be mean to me.  It is not that bad but could be better. I should do dishes soon, organize the clothes, and do laundry Wednesday. Maybe tidy the floor and table too, and make the bed. I mean maybe do like a normal inspection.  

Well, what do you guys think about the medicine thing.  I think what is most urgent is the low iron.