Hello everyone, today is Tuesday, July 21. There is a storm warning for later and possible flooding.  I guess I will probably stay inside now. I went to Burger King a while ago and 7-11 to get milk. I felt that the worker was of a certain caliber that the soldier reminded me of.  I am careful not to say things like that too often but I don't think people realize how good some workers are in their context.  

I got a huge jug of milk so I will probably eat some cereal later. I am glad I could get some coffee and I saw two pals on my trip.  Sometimes I do have a good neighborly feeling so let's not forget that when I get targeted by harrassment and racism.  Also everyone, they are in on the conspiracy. 

There are other things to say but I don't need to commentate on every single thing that happens.  Maybe in heaven I will give lectures about conservatism and liberalism.

My facebook pages are doing well. I am thankful.  I can't tell how racist that guy is who commented. His profile is suspicious but I saw nothing wrong with his comment. And I deleted that other one.

I got good sleep last night and had an interesting dream with two teachers from yore.

I will check on my videos. Are people proud of me for spending less? Or do they think I should have used that new card.  I just think I have to be macro and not mega. 

Well, have a good day everyone.  

 Writer pals, I fixed that meme, sorry about that, it just took some time to get it right.

Gice I boosted those posts and it was the right thing to do. I can see some posts to boost next.

But I have to wait a while because of the cash.

My phone is showing different numbers than the computer. Facebook does that sometimes, I mean who knows, it might still say zero on some pages.

Now I am going somewhere and I hope I stay safe!

 Hello everyone, here is my other blog that has some new posts: https://refriedbeanblog5.blogspot.com/

I kind of talked too much in bible study tonight to try to impress the new person.  Well that is too bad but the bible study leader said that the teaching that we all in some way killed christ is not true.  The actual teaching is that he died voluntarily and would have done it for any of us. I mean I am not sure that is true. I think quantity was a factor and things are what they are.  

But anyway I had a good day and listened to good music.

Also I finally cooked the fish sticks and made a good sauce: mayonnaise, soy sauce, and honey. Try it with Gorton's frozen fried sea food.

Also: parentrified children.  What about youthministerfied children or socialworkerfied children.

Also, I posted that "fecebook" meme.  Kind of in bad taste and yet this parasite problem is causing me to see too many photos online of people sitting on toilets. 

 Pals, this is Refried. I am unfortunately a liberal.  What I just posted in front of Egyptian audiences has no excuse except New York City dirt grime racial activism.  And yet that was what I was standing up to.  And yet I know God approves of all this online stuff I do.  And he stood up for me with the great elevator scam of 2026. I think everyone is kind of surprised by it. Some supernatural intervention. 

Anyway I posted what I posted for certain reasons and I didn't have to be that brave.  This page is not that brave.  Some of the recent memes were kind of brave. It is not that easy sometimes everyone.  And some of it is not brave but a question of judgement.  And some of it doesn't matter that much. And some does.

Anyway I guess I will also soon post a blog link on my regular page.

 Ok this is an interesting article. I like some of those mean girls so I am hesitating before posting it on facebook. Also I think the speaker girls might actually be a sign of evangelicals moving in the right direction, not furthering the wrong direction.  But this is one of the best articles I have read about it.

https://bekahgwen.substack.com/p/the-mean-girls-of-american-evangelicalism?utm_source=multiple-personal-recommendations-email&utm_medium=email&triedRedirect=true

Ok I took my medicine and thought some more about the elevator.  There is a case for letting them do it and just be thankful for not having worse torture.  But mainly I think it is wrong and it is a hardship and there is an emotional abuse factor. So I am going to email Elizabeth Hanson about it again Monday. 

I am going to list the three abuses: health, financial, and emotional. And the way she can get like an all you can eat buffet effect for any time I want to leave my room or go back to my room is another hit of abuse. But I think they are busted and an omh person came and saw me have asthma on the stairwell during an air quality problem. And the other person witnessed the aftermath of an infection.

And who sees the emotional abuse. Hmm. I do not know but it is probably Drena.

And the fact that I am willing to settle it with a simple rent discount.

However the Bridge is an abusive company. So I have partially agreed to be abused here.

I think some people know that inspection was never that much of a party either.

 Pals, I just discussed the elevator and rent discount option with Gloria and it was very positive. Way to go Gloria. Unfortunately there is still going to be a certain Bronx meme on my Bronx page.

It is a very good meme and will be proven as absolutely true. I think it has already been established by people’s choices and actions. I don’t know what everyone was thinking but the permanent thing has happened.

Anyway Gloria gave me two cookies. Thanks Gloria.

Soon I will take a shower and I think tomorrow is when I do the dishes. I just wish I could cook the yummier food tonight but I just can’t. One day at a time.

I think I will be taking my medicine at about 11 pm.

 hello everyone, this is Refried. I am drinking coffee. I need to wash the dishes and I did find a few new bandaids so I believe I can wash some dishes soon. I made a few videos. I didn’t have the attention span to do five or six. But I think the ones I did are cute. Maybe later I will do a few more. I think my decision to switch back to jokes and memes helped slow down the budget. I mean there simply is not budget to boost the videos. But they are cute and worth sharing.

I feel frustrated with food management but I think once I wash even just the pan then I can cook two dishes: the friend shrimp and the toaster strudels.

I am a little upset about all the racism and persecution. Karla’s bullcrap disrespect for turning off the elevator. Wow Karla you’re so powerful. The new hires must admire you so much. Too bad you cheated your nicest rent paying client and will face a permanent abuse report on your record. Also whoops you’re not in my will anymore.

Who’s next, oh hi Daphne, why aren’t you in jail yet? Because Dr Dalmeus is covering for you? You’re all just so powerful. who can keep from cowering from your overwhelming domination. All you have to do is abuse disabled people and half the country will respect you for the next one or two years before China takes us all as slaves. But I’ll be dead by then, won’t I, because you are murdering me in broad daylight.

 Hello everyone, this is Refried. I am downstairs in my building.  I am doing a load of laundry. I will feel good after I finish that and it is about the 6th or 7th small load this week.

Doug gave me some cold water and he gave me some yesterday too. I feel better and it was defnitely IBS earlier. I mean it is weird how sometimes you really don’t know what it is. People might think I am a prima Donna privilege brat for thinking I might need to go to the ER for nausea but I don’t usually have nausea and it is a bad sign for the conditions I do have. But I figured it out. It is post antibiotic SIBO IBS that is making me sick and really it could be worse.

What should I eat for lunch. I am thinking cereal. My clothes are in the dryer. It is two towels and three shirts and two pants. These washing machines are good for washing stuffed animals because they don’t use enough water except for some clients.

Did my other post hurt y’all’s feelings? Well I am really sorry but when five places are mean to you during a medical emergency then you have to suspect the whole community and systems that got you here.

 Hello everyone, this is Refried. It is 12:30. I believe what I am experiencing is IBS. And it is not that bad. I think there might be a sibo component because of finishing the antibiotic. Possibly also some stomach acid issues though I have taken the pantropazole lately.

I mean I wonder if I should eat some food like some cereal or something.

I am going to try not to do an online appointment and I don’t think I need to go to the ER. It is just disturbing when you have a nausea feeling but I actually recognize that bad feeling as the D nausea.

Also digestion is mostly okay for IBS. And I don’t think it is the appendix or even the liver. My skin is not yellow or my eyes.

I think the thing for me to do is do a small load of laundry downstairs so I am there if there is a tornado and so I can see the rain because I want to see the bad air get washed away. And I can make some videos on canva.

I am feeling a little better.

 Pals I think the issue is my gallbladder and it is fine for now. I just felt a little sick a few minutes ago but am okay. I think it is because of the barbecue and the French bread pizza. But I am okay if I don’t eat anything else for a while. And my appendix isn’t doing anything suspicious.

I can call 911 if I need to. I just wish the air was okay.

What am I going to do today. I do not know.

I was going to go to spirituality group and tell them about my friend’s healing powers but I don’t feel like getting trolled by any of the rude people.

I’m feeling upset about the country’s political problems. The way people tore up facebook but still want an audience and it turns out everyone is the same and just wants attention but some people were selfish and tore everything up. I mean maybe I should make some new videos on canva.

Anyway I guess just rest more and wait for the rain to improve the air some.

 Pals, this is Refried. It is 10:15 on Saturday. The rain was scheduled for 9 am but it is not raining yet. Also the air quality was forecast to be yellow and it is read again. So I am not happy about that.

I hope we don’t get tornados today. Tornadoes aren’t usually forecast like this. Like almost guaranteed.

This air is disturbing. I feel it. But at least we got a break from it yesterday. I mean honestly that huge cloud from Canada looked like it was on the way towards us so maybe they just lied to us.

I got an extra comment from that humor page and I feel better about that problem. It was just weird from that guy. He probably got three people to gang up on me.

But anyway this air is not a good thing. I am so sad to wake up to this. Also I still have to take my medicine for today. But I can take it at noon.

Ok the rain is starting a little bit. That will hopefully help. I mean maybe it is good for it to hit the bad air instead of just being in the better air section.

 Pals, it is 4 am. I hope we don’t have a tornado here tomorrow. I think people should be more thankful for the rain instead of just saying we are going to have dirty rain. I mean that is just asking for a tornado.

I felt some more abdominal pain but it was an ache and gas, possibly from the usual gallbladder issues. However I am going to do some googling.

I thought of an idea which was to request the most racist nurses at the hospital. I think that is a trick from the Bible like what Jesus said to Judas.

I might drink some more coffee soon. My skin is not yellow so that is good. I mean one of these days that will be it.

Our building is really flimsy so if there is a tornado that might be it for me. Because I am not sure I will go to the laundry room downstairs.

I think I will throw away more trash tomorrow. I am glad it is going to rain.

I am glad the air is better. Wow I felt more healing powers when I told Beth about the healing powers. I think it is from Joy Robins’ prayers.

So that is neat.

I mean why were people mean to me on that memes page.

 Hello everyone, I had a weird scuffle with someone on the christian humor page, which usually has good posts. And there was a good post where someone made a meme with the bible verse that says not to cook a baby goat in its mothers milk.  and the meme had a penguin writing down "noted." Like haha, a random thing not to do.  And I said a comment that I acknowledged I just had to say which is actually this is a great bible verse that shows God's character.  I mean he thinks it is cruel to cook a goat in its mothers milk. It shows you the heart behind the whole law. So I said so and this guy comes after me and snootily says that it has to do with not participating in pagan rituals.  And I think he was alluding to me being in New York or something. Like maybe he figured out that I voted for Mamdani. I mean it is weird to take it there and I was not mean to anyone and did not bully anyone or question their joke in a bad way. I just for discussion sake said actually it was one of my favorite bible verses.

So anyway I guess that guy thinks I am a baby killer and that is what it is about. Like I can't say something about a meme because I socialize too much with pro choicers.  So finally we arrive at the issue of defending the fetus but taking away medical care from disabled people. And some people being too aloof anyway.

I mean I was positive and having a good discussion and he tried to turn it sour.

 We tried to share good news with you but you didn't want to hear it so now we will tell you everyone else's good news, which is that you're not going to heaven when you die.

 Hello everyone, this is Refried. It is Friday, July 17. I just did laundry. Earlier I took the trash out. I might do another load of laundry later but I do not know. It depends if I don't feel too tired.

I got some good orange slices and chocolate covered cherries. And I have not had a second coffee today.

Something bothered me earlier which is that I checked my medical notes from the past week and a wrong diagnosis is all over some recent notes at three places.  And it is all from a wrong diagnosis written down as a power play by someone who isn't even a god damn doctor. A racist nazi nurse named Daphne wrote it down after I asked her not to.  I explained that I had been prescribed medicine as a preventative measure but didn't have the associated condition. It was the first time it has ever been written down. I am nowhere near that diagnosis.  

So really this is the final straw for New York City and I am going to move away if I am able to.  I need to have some book sales or some kind of job or something. But I am going to flee the socialist hell hole.  

This is Alabama and these are the people who poured milk on people's heads.  Daphne and everyone else at North Central Bronx and Montefiore.  They either do the racism themselves or cover for the other abusers. It is very serious and hits levels of attempted murder in some cases.  Probably actual murder sometimes but even I am having a hard time believing any of it.

I will miss some of the blessings I had here but there was always someone around to ruin it. I came to this city ready to die for not just anyone but everyone.  But that is not what they want.  They want for your sacrifice to not count for anything.  They are snakes from hell, racist hypocrits who only know how to ruin things and tear up other people's work. 

Literacy is disappearing and the new lessons are "want, get, keep," which is only worth any effort if the stuff belongs to someone else.

 Hello everyone, this is Refried. It is 5 pm. I just woke up from my second round of sleep.  Later I will do some laundry.  My next thing is to take out the trash. I might take out two trash bags worth. Then possibly I will be out of trash bags. I think that is a good enough goal is one laundry two trash.

Any writing goals? Not really.  I am not sure I correctly sent that new comedy routine. Wow it is almost more of an irony routine.  But I think it was just right. I mean maybe perform it somewhere soon.

What about Monday? Hmm, maybe. 

I have not checked my finger but assume it is healing slowly.  I might need to google diabetes or something, because this could be a sign.  I am becoming more confident that it was staph and not mrsa. And that it was more normal and maybe not caught from the hospital or stairwell.

And yet this has been a weird chain of events. 

I will check the smoke stats in a second. I hope my computer internet is back to normal soon.

I ate a little bit of french bread pizza and oreos.  Maybe another coffee would be good. I just wish I could walk to the coffee shop.

I guess the main thing is another round of cleaning. I sprayed pretty thoroughly and did do three loads of laundry plus the stuffed animals this week.  So a lot was improved. And I threw away the sleeping bag.  But definitely I will get some stuff done later if I can.

And maybe eat some lucky charms.  I have eaten two barbecues and a hot pocket and two frozen meals since the last grocery order.  What I am not doing great on is eggs.  I should be boiling the eggs more often, though I did do a good scramble and fry last time.

I am done well with granola bars and cereal, and I made that corn casserole.  What about potatoes.  Maybe I will do a potato casserole soon.  

I have eaten popcorn, peanut butter rice, and some other stuff.  Maybe improve on oatmeal and grits is a good idea. I will cook that sausage too.  I mean maybe some grits and sausage is next. Grits, sausge and eggs. Maybe clean and then make grits, sausage, and eggs.

Does anyone have any opinions.

 Pals my anxiety disorder is also a medical condition and this week has been rough and the medical places were doing weird stuff. The fact that I had to start over at City MD. And the fact that some places lost my trust. I mean we got through it but there are things wrong and how am I supposed to interpret that and why would it always be in everyone else's favor when they are the ones who did not tell the truth and do what they are supposed to.

I mean there is something kind of funny. Because if it is a game there is something kind of comical. Like hello from these people. I mean what does it all mean. Possibly it is something to distract me and think about as I feel anxious about breathing for about ten more hours. I mean this is honestly not that easy to get through. I think I will call Dilarom tomorrow and tell her it is a problem that DM is in my notes.

Ok there is something I just remembered which is my comedy coach session tonight. I actually think there was something at 5 that I was supposed to do and forgot about.

But it is okay. I mean just survival is something. It is good that I did not go to the comedy last night. This air stuff is not a joke. I mean am I the only one totally freaked out about it? This is different than last time.

I think the back of my tongue it getting pinched from a chipped piece of the bruxism.  But it is okay but I can't figure it out. But anyway gice it is not easy when you have anxiety and a lot of problems. I think tonight after comedy I will try to do some more laundry.

 Pals. I read the notes from the doctor. She said she used ai but it seemed like her notes. That is interesting.

Everyone put DM in my history now but I don't have DM. I don't. I know I don't. Maybe pre. And I need to lose the twenty pounds that they made me gain on purpose through abuse.

So I guess that doctor read the HHC notes. Because HHC says I have PTSD and that usually didn't show up on the notes for a long time.

So that is interesting. I guess read about PTSD. I mean maybe read about the other stuff, 

I mean it is kind of comical because it is like kirkus reviews, too. Like the positive and negative.

Maybe the AI picked up that false note from the bad person at NCB. That person was a nazi. An absolute actual nazi. I am going to have to write letters to these places and get a lawyer to help me.

Hello everyone, I went online and talked to an awesome doctor. Thanks NYP Columbia. I was worried and really thought I had to go have my appendix taken out, possibly at a hospital where they were mean to me sometimes.  But the nice person thinks I am okay for now. So the issue is to survive the air quality.  It is getting worse again now but I am okay. Actually it is worse on this side of the room so I might need to move to the other area. But I am okay.

Gice I have been very high maintenance this week as a medical patient but it was all real stuff. Maybe I will feel better from not being on the antibiotics anymore too. It did not make me feel that bad but I could feel it some.

So okay, one more day and then it will probably get better.  I think that it might be kind of bad tonight, though. But I am okay. Earlier I was coughing some and that is not a good feeling from it. Like the fear of starting to gag and wretch.  But I am okay. I need to drink some coffee.

I mean one of these days my health is not going to be okay. But for now I seem okay.

The doctor said the pain would be more constant and there would be some other symptoms.  So likely a random cramp. Also I remembered how to describe it. It is like if you got sprayed with pain.  That is it. I actually think it is a latuda side effect.

Well have a good day everyone.

 Pals, the bridge people just had a fire drill so they could check on us. I accidentally locked myself out of my apartment because I had washed my keychain. So three people climbed the stairs on my behalf. Two for the fire drill and one to unlock my door. And Daniella and Gloria were downstairs and nice. So I am not being tortured even though I disagree with the elevator situation.

There is something else. I think my infection might have been staph and not mrsa. And that means it came from my room. That makes the most sense to me and I also think it was aggravated by the detergent. I mean people think that theory is stupid like a cover up for my germs but I did something different with my laundry the day before and washed out the inside of a bag. So my hand was like the rag to wash out a surface with the tide. I just think that was it because my clothes make me itch so there is an allergy factor.

Anyway. The other thing is that I worried about my lungs because all the sprays I have used are irritants, plus gasping some at night, shredding my lungs, and then the smoke particles. Like what if that causes an infection. Well I have had antibiotics for a week so I think I will be okay. And what if I don’t end up being ok. That is ok too.

So anyway, the last thing is that sometimes I feel a pain in the corner of my lower right side. Lower than the liver. I don’t think anything is there but intestines but it could be a kidney. But my pee is normal. Dark yellow two days ago and light yellow today. That is normal for me. Like slightly abnormal two days ago. But I have only felt the pain three random times. It also reminds me of the latuda pain like it is like, well hmm I need to find a way to describe it. I just think I have felt something similar in another area before like stomach. It is like a transient fire cramp.  It only lasts for a few seconds. I think it is a latuda thing and kind of random. However I will pay attention. I mean if it happens again it could be worse and need some kind of emergency surgery. The most likely thing is kidney crystals. So I will drink water. But I just haven’t felt my normal kidney problems.

 Pals, this is Refried. We are having an air quality situation in NYC. It is very serious. I believe some people should evacuate if they are able to. However some evacuation may be dangerous if it is too smoky.

I am staying in my apartment. I am going to try not to use services and oxygen no matter what. I believe supplies are limited. I have an inhaler for my asthma so if I can’t breathe past that, then neither can anyone else.

Right now I am a little anxious and have been having asthma at night. So when I have slight shortness of breath I think it is because there is already not enough oxygen. But there is enough oxygen right now. It is just poor air quality that triggers inflammation. That is different than smoke in a burning building so you can’t breathe.

However to me the levels are really bad and it could become so bad no one can breathe indoors. 

Last time we had an air quality scare I felt that I would use the shower if I needed better air. But this time I feel that won’t really help.

I think it is expected to last one day. Some rain would be nice. I am glad my breathing is ok. Just some fear. But it is subsiding some and I can get it off my mind some.

I think they should consider bussing some people out of here.

 Hello everyone, this is Refried. I was going to go to a comedy thing tonight but the air quality was bad and my asthma has been bad lately. I have gotten trapped outside gagging before and I decided to stay home.

I did feel ok and like I had the stamina for the trip downtown but I did not feel that it was safe.

So I have to miss out. I hope people understand. Many disabled people have to not participate in stuff and might feel like they let people down. I just have to accept some limitations. This means that I will probably go to Bruce’s show on Aug 2.

Something happy is that I joined toastmasters. I am thankful and excited. This makes me kind of busy. I think that caps it off for me in terms of activities.

Tonight the staff gave us food. A hamburger and chicken. Wow that was just what I needed. I think now I will make some coffee.

Will I wash more stuff later. Really I would like to do two loads. To have a stack of clean clothes and two clean towels. I sprayed the floor and surfaces and stuff I didn’t get to before as much. Then I put a shirt over my chair and sat on that. I think it is okay now.

Remember that I dropped the nail on the floor in the corner and then found it again and picked it up with a Kleenex. Now are we sure that was the same thing I dropped. Well of course it is a priority to clean that area and I did spray it well. 

As for the infected site. It seems to not be infected but it is not completely healed either. Possibly from having a 5.7 A-1C. now do we know if all the bacteria is gone from the scab skin layer that might not have been reached by the medicine drink.  I am thinking do one more application of the newer ointment. And tonight is the final dose of the drink medicine.

I’m going to miss my sleeping bag but I decided to throw it away.

 I mean honestly we don’t know that bacteria aren’t some kind of alien invasion and they are just microscopic as compared to us or if it is even my future self from heaven and other space realms in the future time traveling to attack myself now. 

post i posted on the wrong blog:

 Ok everyone, it is 6 am. The neurological concern from this afternoon turned out to just be some hypnogogia when I am half asleep.  And I still don't have a headache. I feel fine. I have no sore throat, I have no lymph node problems, and the fatigue is better because I took an iron pill.  So the only issue is an itchy spot that is probably excema on my wrist, a bug bite on my elbow that is not currently itching, and another one near that one. So my fear is some kind of pox, but I have itchy bad skin all the time and it could be a bug bite. And it doesn't match the photos online of the thing where I was like that must be it.

Anyway there are flies now in my apartment so I need to get some flypaper and fix that. I did clean my apartment this week for inspection and gradually sprayed stuff and did laundry. So I just need to do the dishes and sink once my finger is normal. It is almost normal but I am not looking at it because this is my last bandaid.

Well, that was interesting to have that fear. It could still be a thing but maybe just is a reminder to be careful and thankful etc.

Have a good day everyone. It is going to be hot today. I am going to stay inside a lot again so I might need to think of a project and do some videos or something. Maybe try to write some jokes. That is what my therapist thought I should do. 

Hello everyone, I feel okay and drank coffee. I am happy about a lot of things in my life. Comedy and toastmasters, children's book groups, and Ravneet and fun times. 

I think that in this whole crazy mess of very distrubing things, definitely of note is Josiah carrying the water up the stairs for me. I mean in the middle of people being mean to me or just suspicious, and various problems and frustrations, you have a nice person who offers to help with something almost impossible for me.  So I think that is nice. And his name is Josiah.  And just the racism happening but he wasn't racist. So I think that is nice and possibly some of these events are meant for judgement day.

The pizza pal also is notable for his friendly laundry support. Honestly he is in the top one hundred for lists of prospects. I don't know if I should say that. I just mean I think he has really been a friend.

But don't anyone get the wrong idea. Last night I had an interesting dream where I was on a trip with people and TR and I kept going to this restaurant and joking about it in our old way. It was kind of cool and then I realized I had not paid attention to Ravneet enough and then there was a car accident and I pulled this other random guy out of a car but did not want to do CPR.

I mean maybe don't always just blab everything but that was interesting and brought back memories. My memory system tends to be negative and I ruminate and focus on my own old mistakes and stuff so it is good to feel positive. Toastmasters also made me recollect Catherine more clearly and I felt happy love and memories of her. Because wow we ended on a two year torture note when she had cancer and a divorce that just absolutely was chronically traumatizing. And I feel like I could not make her feel better and let her down, but she was in toastmasters and I could just remember our easier times where we coudl be happy and laugh and theologize. So wow. I mean I feel prayed for sometimes honestly and will try to do the same for everyone else.

 Ok I meant to say this in the other post. I think some people will say, isn’t it more likely that it was one of your old toenails? And the answer is no. For one thing, I don’t pick at my nails until they bleed. For another thing, I didn’t already have MRSA. 

A toenail in my room would not have had MRSA on it. Also, I simply have not pulled off a toenail with a corner of blood.

I mean it is gross but I want to say that I think if you dismiss what I am saying and tell yourself that it was probably one of my toenails then you are really kind of lazy and don’t understand the chain of events.

Ok one more topic while people are discrediting me. I think it is possible that this is my second case of stigmata. I mean that kind of loosely but it happened on exactly the day I had a TLE seizure doing comedy. And when I was doing well in creative writing school that time I had excema on my hands and feet. And it is symbolic in a literary way but also obviously kind of comical also.

Think of your wounds. Is there not an interesting religious interpretation? I just think I am not going to have the real Catholic stigmata but I had these times of successful creativity and that is where my witness is and God marked it with kind of a comical level of embarrassing health problem.

What I am not including was when I had the excema wound on my foot and stepped in NYC puddles. That is dangerous. These health things happen to people on a dirty city and I am thankful I have an explanation for my mysterious illness.

I don’t keep things to myself in the ways some people do. You can earn rewards by not calling yourself a saint.  But I don’t mean it like that. I mean look at God doing interesting things with our lives. 

 Hello everyone, this is Refried. There has been an interesting development on the elevator MRSA case.

i believe I tracked it in from my other ER visit. I found something in my sleeping bag that was a hard brown and yellow flake with a black corner. and some fuzzy tiny moldy spots. What do you think that might be? Well I will tell you. It is someone else’s paronchynia treatment. A toenail yanked from an oozing sore.

I tracked it in on my clothes or shoe or something and I  believe that is why I got an out of the ordinary condition. 

This means that it probably is MRSA and not just staph. That is not good but really the antibiotics have worked. So I have one more day on them and need to clean all my clothes and surfaces. But that is what I feel better about. I saw what caused it and as I said in another note it is kind of a point of reference for clean and dirty. Like I need to spray everything and then wash it but a shirt I wore in my chair is not the same as a bloodstained nail with fuzz on it.

I threw it away in a trashcan outside. Maybe the hospital would have appreciated having the evidence for their purposes, but really, we don’t even know if it was pulled off a toe by pliers or if someone shed it later and I stepped on it in the street. It is just very likely from the hospital.

I don’t feel bad though about anything I reported and said and did. I was truthful and told people we didn’t even know if it was MRSA. So I updated all my elevator reports and had a good talk with Karla and Daniella.

It was weird how I found it and was like ew and threw it on the floor and I was like I need to find it. That is it. I mean honestly there could still be a flake so I need to clean clean clean.

So anyway what do you guys think about that. I only did one abuse report based on the MRSA and I updated it. My other reports interestingly were about how the elevator problem was a way of cheating me and taking away my grocery solution. So in some ways not a lot actually changed. I think people are tired of me seeking so much attention for this but honestly it is a hard thing to go through and I have an anxiety disorder too. 

 Ok I figured out the headache yesterday and fatigue was from eating the spicy Indian food a few days ago. So there are no viral symptoms. I think the itchy places might be from dust mites. But who knows it could be something else but I’m not even sure it is unfamiliar.

I don’t know whether to tell Dr Dalmeus about the hypnagogia because I don’t want it treated as psychiatric. 

 Anyway also tonight I went to Toastmasters and loved it.  I think I have to apply to be in the group permanently and it costs 60 dollars.  Well that is worth it if they accept me. I need to read about it some more but I think I will like it a lot.

Something made me laugh at Toastmasters which is there was a guy there who reminds me of one of my rabbit children's book characters.  And it really cracked me up like nothing else has in years.

I mean the comedy of it.  And it reminds me of when I went to the blessing of the animals with my guinea pig named Fred and I felt emotional.  I think that some of my mind is just with animals and that is where I can have normal feelings. I mean think about how my fiction handicap wasn't a problem when I wrote about the mice. Like there was a real story arc instead of a joke form wit structure.

So anyway, I need to google some more stuff and mentally prepare to have some kind of show of forgiveness.  Because I did feel a supernatural lack of anger towards Karla and Daniella. I mean they have done a lot for me but this elevator drama is really bad. I could call the New York Post about it and might.

But it is serious and yet I feel very far away from saying G.D. or anything like that.  I don't feel as loving towards the other 30 bullies that I interacted with to recover from the stairwell disease, but I also don't feel that hateful.  But they will turn up in writing.  Possibly a list of Goofuses and Gallants for the Bronx Civil Social page. Hmm I think that is a good idea.

 Hello everyone, this is Refried. It is Tuesday, July 14. At 10:45 I have a doctors appointment.  I think that I have recovered from the paronychia. However I did not feel good today and had a slight headache in the afternoon and I wonder if I caught something else from the hospital or Walgreens or City MD.

I talked to a nice person at the Bridge today and told them I did not want to do a lawsuit but felt that I deserved a rent discount if they are going to keep the elevator off.  I told them that it was cheating and probably meant as retaliation for when I reported them about the air conditioning.  

It was a nice person and I felt like our conversation was the truth and I did not feel offended and run over by power hungry racism.  And honestly that is enough for me.  Like your housing abuses you, you report it, and someone takes you seriously. That is a lot, and I don't think it was just to avoid legal problems.

Anyway I am staying inside a lot probably for these heat wave days unless I have to be hospitalized for whatever this new thing is.  Possibly the issue today was either low iron or an interaction between my iron pill and the antibiotic.  But I actually am suspecting something else.  However it is not an exact match for descriptions online.  

I will ask about it tomorrow. I think I will feel relieved. 

I think I have to tap into some religion to get through all this. Stuff I don't usually rely on like ideas about God's plan, predestination from a billion years ago, and God being in total control. 

I mean honestly there are some weird things about it.  Like the wound from the drained paraonychia is an exact mirror image of my scar from when I was in high school and this guy cut part of my finger off when I defended the paper dolls that I had made. 

 I think something interesting is that Barnes and noble minimized the mental health factor because that made them allowed to treat me worse but in housing and hospitals maximizing the mental health makes me be less believable. Also the south kind of considered me manic depressive because it needs fewer accommodations and the north really likes schizo because it allows them to not believe my reports. Just whatever keeps me at a disadvantage. I will be gone so soon. Just a few years. Some people won’t believe that either even after I am gone.

 So here are two comments from my facebook page, interesting how enthusiastically they add their hate to the situation. It makes you wonder what factors make them so supportive of the abuser without knowing the facts.

 I think what is going to most hurt my housing program in court is how they accommodate people’s illegal drug use but can’t accommodate someone getting to the fourth floor on an elevator that is part of the building. Like we can afford to pay someone 60 thousand dollars to teach people how to properly do crystal meth but we can’t afford the electricity for the elevator this month.

 Hello everyone, this is Refried. I had to carry my groceries up the stairs because of no elevator. It is taking four or five trips but a nice guy named Josiah offered to help and he carried the heavy water in exchange for a ten pack of coke minis. It was a good deal and positive exchange. Now I am resting and going downstairs soon to bring up the milk, other cokes, and two carts.

a long sentence

 Hello everyone, this post is probably going to be linked to my new Bronx Civil Social facebook page where I report the abuse and harassment that is happening to me in NYC but especially the Bronx.

Yesterday I had a bad nurse at the Er and a tablet worker who sent my medicine to the wrong place, probably deliberately. So then I had to have a new appointment at City MD and I felt like it worked out because he was an awesome doctor who fixed the thing that the other place did not fix. But the nurse there did my blood pressure about 8 times, always having to do that thing where they make it too tight because supposedly it did not succeed at getting your blood pressure. I mean it took like ten minutes and I believe it was on purpose as the very frequent abuse I get from nurses at these places. A lot of times it is when they take blood and they act like they can’t find the vein and they try several times and start digging around your arm. I left one hospital without getting treatment once because of it.

I believe it is meant as racial activism but in cases like this appointment yesterday, especially when it is just two of us in a room, it becomes pretty sickly abusive. Like to me, not just a fireable offense but criminal. Medical people deliberately harming patients in their professional role.

This person didn’t know me, but hated me immediately enough to just put me in pain as much as possible for as long as possible in a little room while I waited to see the doctor. Just me and the abuser in a room, like when Dr Brown molested me as a kid. You’re in great company, city Md nurse at westchester sq. Like the waiting room is almost empty, you’ll see 8-10 people today, “hmm I think I’ll abuse this one as my little private game.” It’s really on psychiatric levels and yet wow there are a lot of people doing that right now, aren’t there. When hospitals realize it isn’t popular anymore, you will find yourself in jail.

 I have reported this stuff before. I mean this ten minute abuse session yesterday with the blood pressure. What a bad person. And how some people think they are being “part of history.” 

I believe it is stuff like this that caused the better parts of social justice to fail. Some people were dirty hypocrites to the point of criminal abuse, and everyone knows it.

And yet there are also people who really believe I should just be a sport and let her abuse me. Like I have mental illness and kind of deserve to be bullied by five health people because I have an injury that needs treatment. A bad pharmacy, a bad hospital, a bad neighborhood, bad cops, all of it in my face as an insult, with two more random criminals interfering in my walk home, too.

it’s a cowardly war from worthless bums who actually could have had a lot going for them if mobs of people just like them hadn’t decided to tear up everyone’s life like monsters from the hell where they are on their way to live forever.

 Hello everyone, this is Refried. I just took dose three of the antibiotic and bandaid treatment. It is looking better but not perfect yet. But almost there. I think that is about right. An infection is kind of disturbing and I am kind of surprised at how much it stays in that area and isn’t instantly everywhere.

The medicine tastes bad but I was okay again and ate a granola bar and orange drink.

So now it is time to clean the apartment. Make bed, put clothes up, throw out trash, was dishes, cut up new rag, wipe counter, sweep and mop, and that is about it. Maybe I will try to get that done at 9 o’clock.

How do you guys feel about my finger progress. I think almost better is pretty good. I still have to take the antibiotics ten times. So it is going okay.

Wow a lot of suffering but part of it is the bombardment of news.

 Hello everyone, this is Refried. It is 11:24 on Thursday. Tomorrow I have inspection. 

I am on my second dose of antibiotic for a hang nail infection. I believe this is a key dose. The doctor at urgent care helped me with it some today and I felt so much less scared. It is still a very serious problem but kind of common too.

I wonder if there is purpose in it and God is helping me be mindful of the people with legionnaires, parasite, Ebola, and Covid. It was weird because I was irrationally scared of those things and realized my finger hurt. And I was scatterbrained from a cool seizure and couldn’t sort out the conditions. And then that kind of sunk into my normal depression and I was like what is wrong with my finger.

And it is kind of a classic case of what it is. I don’t know if it is from typing harder on the keyboard or if it is from the sink area. I kind of think it is from the sink area.

That has always been the explanation before for things like this. Interestingly inspection has been skipped twice lately but I can’t blame that because I did do inspection both times. I will do a little bit this time but not as much for some of it because of waiting for my finger to get better. I think it is getting better but online it said it can take five days. So there could be a progression that I don’t expect. But I think it will be ok.

What they did to me today was weird. The fake ER visit, the bad service, the racism, the prescription that got sent to the wrong place on purpose, I mean what do I do but in the end it was okay though two more guys targeted me on the way home. But that wasn’t a big deal I just had to walk between them. So I guess there is a framing component but the cops know it. I think there are good cops helping me and a conspiracy acting out a third world country.

Anyway one of my favorite facebook dogs died and it happened so fast on days that I was going through stuff so I hope I can catch up to that support needed. Probably the timing will be right like a before and after.

Tomorrow the goal is inspection and groceries.

Well have a great day everyone.

I did think of another world monk post and there was something else I thought of and forgot. My online comedy session tonight was amazing and I could not believe it. 

I mean honestly it is possibly my comedy hobby is an example for other people later who will make a career out of it. 

Well anyway have a good night everyone.

 Hello everyone, 

This is Refried. It is 10:00 Wednesday. Today I went to a comedy open mic. I weirdly became not scared about it and then found it to be even less scary than that.

So I will be back and try some new stuff. I liked the other people and hope to see them again sometime. I think they saw my name on the sign up sheet and found me online before the show.

I found them to be really funny. One girl did a lot of pigeon jokes. Well I happen to also have a pigeon joke.

I found it to actually be too much of a workshop and to consider myself a real comedian I am going to need some normal audiences. I mean I loved it so much that it won’t count. So maybe I will try to get good enough to open for a class show sometime. Or something like that, but my memory is an issue. But the comedians see me as one of them but they also know I am a washed up oldie.

They were nice to me today but my paranoia made me think they were all making fun of me. Like a roast.

I mean pretty funny. I guess the classes I took were maybe at a more intense level than I realized. And yet I did feel it, the fear, but you do better if you feel like laughs are at stake and you could bomb. But the crowd today was silent and it was friendly and did not bother me at all.

I will try to write some jokes and be really funny. I hope they have enough people every time.

I will try not to overdo it and go every time but I could see myself doing this more than once a week.

Anyway then I went to support group and it is not easy, people suffer every time. I did not do well for encouragement but I think I was space-y from the day.

 Pals, it's me. I am okay with those videos. My skin is messed up but for some reason I have felt okay with the recent videos.

But I am not sure about this F word video.  Was that the right conclusion. I mean I don't know.

Because that F U topic was going to be my speech for toastmasters. I was going to tell the story about the mickey mouse shirt and then end the speech by saying that.

But now I used the idea so I can't tell the story with the finale in the same genuine way.

So I just might have messed up but that was what came to mind when I peacefully thought of what to do next for the question show.

Anyway I mean I will think about it. I think one issue is that it is not going to share that widely among my friends.  But did I disrespect someone who was obviously on my side.  My neighbors. Particularly the one who might have stood up to my mom in some way. But she might have tortured us too.  So I do not know.

So I will talk to my therapist.  I think the idea that it can't be undone is not true.  Because think about how I have been cursing now for a couple of years.  So I already made that choice. But I feel it might be a sign of ungratefulness for my prophecy gift.  And maybe that was why God discontinued me from the main power for it is because he knew I was going to start cursing. 

But I don't know.  But anyway I saw a vision last night which was a tree branch upside down with no leaves, as if it was a lightning strike.  Isn't that crazy? I think it means my family, including ravneet and everyone else, is like God's vengeance on my enemies.  Gice the T key jsut suddenly is fixed now on my keyboard.  So that is good. Wow that was getting on my nerves to have to hit the key extra hard when I had to write a T.

So anyway, I am going to post the bible verse on the page, because why not. It doesn't really matter.

Do you think that was bad of me to say the Oprah thing. Well I do not know. I jsut felt like going ahead and sharing the page twice was not a bad option.

 Hello everyone, this is Refried.

I just ent to an autism event online and feel so much better than I did earlier. I feel grounded and back to normal even though I do need some extra sleep. 

I should do laundry soon too.

Gice I have it pretty good in my life when people are not committing crimes against me.

I tried putting those new videos in the trash but then restored them.

I think it is mostly okay

I don’t know if I did bad or good

There is still one more topic

But really I could do an I finite amount of those videos

It kind of reminds me of how I felt when I started my blog

It is kind of a risk but I don’t think the first Pres people will watch it

I mean was that scheduled

I do not know

anyway I will watch those videos and think about whether they should stay on the page

But I think it is like usual where it mostly doesn’t matter unless I boost it.

pretty cool that some people found the page and clicked like

 the other factor is mental health. But the harassers seem to want me to call the police erroneously and then call that an attempt on their life. I don’t think we are there yet as a socialist hell hole but definitely who is the problem in that scenario? The criminal. So don’t harass me. 

 So what the lawyers are saying is that the apartment is a significant part of the problem.  But there is a question about a possible difference between a racist network and covering for people later on the basis of race.  Also, when taking sides, is it because they think you are racist, or because they think the harassers are not racist, or are innocent, which could also be two different things.

I have to say that I don't think it is that complicated, and I also don't think it matters if it happens on bridge  property or not. It is simply harassment, I don't know the people, it is obviously organized, even if it is hive behavior, and it is in very close proximity to me personally as I walk to go anywhere. Definitely the escalation would suggest a further threat, but I do not believe you have to prove danger. You can prove annoyance on purpose and that is something. And then the fact that that is the only reason they are there. They have no other errand.

And then the bridge is saying that their elevator repair notice serves as an eviction notice because of my predicted logic about the license factor.

But to me, it is a sign in another language that means, "We do not respect you whatsoever and you are welcome to tell the public anything because it is worth it to have you as our community pinata. In fact, that makes it more fun because that is also our audience.

 The NYU lawyer says he believes they were unfairly denigrated. Well I did an evaluation for Kirkus, and I did an evaluation for what Kirkus pretended to imitate.

I need to give Drena a different credit card number.

But I took my medicine so I feel tired.

I will take a walk later hopefully. It doesn’t seem that flooded outside.

 Hello everyone, this is Refried. Today is Sunday, July 5. It is about 10:15 pm. I started a new facebook page to post about harassment when it happens. It was because of some harassment today. I think there were too many people involved at too many places. 

Tomorrow I am hoping to go downtown and walk. I think I will be targeted a lot on the train and elsewhere. But I have to see it as just good material.

I am making some coffee right now.

I thankfully got a sandwich from 7-11. But I let Manny down but that was because of the harassment that happened. I think it was from non bridge people.

Delores was really nice to me. And Tonoya. I mean is that what it is about? Learning names?

So anyway there is an issue which is no book sales. But I think the idea is there might be secret sales.

Gice what do you think about the demon thing. i think it is not that big of a deal.  But I wish I had not missed Mensa tonight.

But anyway, I will add videos and all kinds of stuff to that page. Will I boost any posts, maybe. Probably only when I really need a feeling of justice.

So two walks today. 4 miles. The "T" key on my computer is messed up and I have to hit it really hard when I type.

I think I should have phoned more friends during this weird four days but maybe this week.

Ok I need to do copyright lists, too.

 Hello everyone, this is Refried.  It is Sunday, July 5 at 3 pm. I will check the weather but I fell asleep and missed the optimal walking hours. I am going to try to walk to Starbucks if I can. And pick up some milk from the Grab and Go maybe.

I had an interesting dream about mall displays and before that going to some restaurant but there was something else happening but it was all very interesting. 

So anyway those new poems and jokes posts I did got 1.7 million views. I could not believe it. I know that they are a little better than some of the other ones but I think I also graduated into better numbers.  So I will continue posting on that page. I have about 20 new posts and about 80 posts that just haven't been sent around as much. So I will continue that hobby.

Anyway, that is good. Ok I am going to check and see if there are any book sales. There are no book sales.  But there were 300 book page visits, probably with some good curiosity. And about 300 profile visits.  

The profile visits could also theoretically lead to sales if there were any sales happening. I just think for people to expect me to go ten years with no sales is cruel and mean.  And I think if they think we are saving until some ending and letting other people have a chance or something, then that is arrogant. I mean honestly there might not even be a USA by the time that ban is lifted.

Wow I will compare non publishing to book banning and book censorship. I mean these people think they are so great and so noble, being censored, but there are millions of people who don't even get a chance because of their identity politics and snobbery, their little market projections and guessed agendas, and their blatant discrimination. 

It is reminding me of some other stuff. I think that is going to be a different blog post.

Well have a good day everyone.

 Gice I’m not talking about people not knowing me like having a community. I have lots of friends and attention. What I am saying is when I try to figure out if I have a book market it seems like not only do I not, but even the conspiracy I have felt for thirty years is not as vast as I thought and I post on facebook and people are like who are you we have never heard of you and my delusions of fame are proven wrong. And they were very fixed delusions.

So that is what I am talking about. Because the conspiracy seemed national and even worldwide at times.

And then I am like talking in a video and people are like are you serious. They don’t know me.

That is what I am talking about.

But anyway the demons are mostly gone for now. Me and some people coughed them out of our mouths.

 Hello everyone, this is Refried. It is Sunday, July 5 at 12:44 am. Soon I have to take my medicine.

I should do that soon and go to sleep.

I don't expect to be bothered by any varmits. Before that demon tried to bother me, I felt that sick depressed feeling. So it was a seizure. But it was a demon and it was trying to get me to feel more special than the nami people, and there was a totem pole appearance and another image that i can't remember, and it was trying to get me to curse or something I think was from earlier. I think it also tried to project obscenity of some sort but that is rare and it wasn't the same as the gracie square demons.

Pretty funny. And I think it was different from the demon that followed me home from Montefiore.

I just don't know who to ask about getting rid of it.  I kind of think I saw some stuff like the totem pole outline because I did try to fight it by thinking of people who got rid of those squids that time.

So maybe just be patient and we will get rid of it when we need to. But it kind of adds to my feeling of stn knowing too much about me. But maybe the demon will convert.

And the reason I say that is because Jesus was talking about how good people try to go to the light.  Or maybe that was someone else but I think it was him. And bad things like darkness.  But the demons he threw in the pigs said please don't send us into the abyss. So they did not like the dark.  And I just htink you have to read that like maybe there was hope. I mean the very fact that they asked him for stuff.

So anyway I mean the demon in my soul might have just seen me type that.

Anyway pretty funny how y'all played that song at the world cup that time.  I had a great time and will be back downtown soon. I might go get coffee at Bellevue. I mean who knows, the demon might have read that just now and it is a time traveler and is going to attack me at Barnes and Noble in 2011.

Now I have to write a novel like that. I don't feel like it. Someone else can have that idea.

Gice.  Surge and Sarge. I mean isn't that kind of scary too? I think it is. Because I really was earlier like maybe I will call Sarge tomorrow. But that is because I thought tomorrow was Saturday.

Also why the bible says not to call people father.  It is to protect those spiritual relationships, not because it is not true. It is to keep it a secret from the evil stuff.

Gice the next thing is to take my medicine. I do not really want to but I am tired so I should so I can go to sleep. But I think I will wait a while and take it at 3 am.

Gice I am glad to be on tik tok but they charged the wrong card, so I am in a slight jam, and there are still no book sales. And that really hurts my feelings. And I think it is delusional to tell myself maybe there are book sales. But maybe there are. Because Ravneet is my person and that is a secret. So book sales could be a secret too.

I just know that people don't know me. I know I am not famous. But people are saying, what about the conspiracy. I mean it does all confuse me.

Well have a good day everyone.

 Hello everyone, this is Refried. It is Saturday, July 4. I just made rice with peanut butter sauce. I did not put enough honey. But it is still good and I could add honey but I just am sitting here so I finished my serving. 

Ravneet said she is proud of me. I had such a good day and got a new credit card called Surge for 500 dollars.  It will come in the mail next week and I will use it as my budget for a while. I mean honestly I think I should pace myself because that is a small budget for two platforms, five pages, and hopefully a thai meal or lobster or hibachi.

So anyway the temperature is now about 88 degrees.  Did I over-react? I think I will not walk to 7-11.  Tomorrow I will probably walk to starbucks in the day time. I mean wow I am thankful that NYC mostly got through that though I am sure some people are out at the fireworks show and I hope they have a good time. 

Well I feel such relief. Also the food people are still my friends and I am going to soon make the dish in question. It is something with goat cheese.  Pretty funny.

Gice this has been a great conspiracy and I am sorry I complained and bragged so much. But did I not tell everyone that was where I chose not to try as hard. I just couldn't, and people will see it and maybe think to themself, I won't be like that when it is me. 

Gice I hope my gallbladder will be okay but if it isn't. I can go to the hospital without feeling like it is a heat emergency. I mean am I over-reacting? Was this not really hot weather? 

Anyway I need to check up on that france stuff. I mean I don't need to be the main reporter for the clash of civilizations. Or populations without the civility. 

No book sales today, everyone, no sign of book sales, but numbers are good. I am participating and not left out. I just don't want to waste the facebook numbers but I also feel like I did the heart of my content already. So really that is a good place to be but I should do the best I can and finish well.

I need to post a recipe for this peanut butter sauce.

Also I believe that possibly it is the angels who time travel. 

Has anyone figured that out before.  I figured it out. But we kind of already know it, because angels are in a different realm that intersects with ours.

Honestly if someone else wants to write that book, go for it. I mean maybe I should do like a short story.  Ok I will try.  But someone else can do the novel. I mean make it a genre, I don't care.  What I care is that people ignored my work from 2012. It was a miracle and you disrespected God and all of humanity.

Ok I guess that is enough of that.

Well have a nice day everyone.

 Well everyone, it is 6 pm on July 4.  Some people went out and did stuff today but I do not know what those people were thinking. I stayed inside and drank two coffees. I can tell I need to not overdo it with the coffee at night but I am okay and think that was a trauma reaction two days ago when I felt a tachychardia feeling. 

So anyway, I extended a tiktok ad that goes to my book page.  It didn't really get that many page visits. Only a hundred.  That is low but people did like it and I got a hundred profile visits too. I should put my website on my profile. I think I have enough stuff on there, though.

I tried to boost an old video and it would not let me. I do not know why. I think it is part of the conspiracy. I think it is part of why I was not successful during the social justice peak years. I was blocked. I do not know why. It does not help anything to hate people over it.

Really I am content with the ad I am running.  The mouse playing basketball and it has a link to my books.

I think that is an okay first impression to make on the young people of America. Kind of funny, because of the imaginary mice series.

So anyway, that was some ups and downs. I mean possibly I could post that same video now and because of the timing, it would be allowed. But I don't know. I think I will stick with the content that does not include me as an influencer. That might be the idea.  The idea is that within the conspiracy, the tik tok and facebook people have identified me as a creator and they will not budge on that. Honestly that is okay with me but I do think I have always had pretty good influencer potential too. Interestingly, my comedy videos are also going to be creator content and not influencer videos. Isn't that interesting? I think it is.

So what are the numbers. 10k video views per 20 dollars. So 50k for a hundred dollars. To me that is worth it in America. That is good enough for me.  But that is only about what, 300 website visits.  But the people aren't there to hop off tiktok.  No sign of sales yet.

My facebook numbers increased like I always had wanted them to. Maybe I will revisit that art page again sometime and do some more God loves you memes. I will not give up and waste these ratios but wow my budget is low but I believe my mom will help me reset in the fall. So it will be the same pace. It is a good pace and I have to take breaks sometimes too. So the next thing is to do the copyrights. I mean I should do that this evening.  That is what Ravneet said to do today. I think tomorrow is okay though. 

Well everyone, have a good fourth of July.

 Well I just saw a little recipe I am going to try, from someone who doesn't torture me. Goat cheese and dates wrapped in prosciutto and fried in olive oil.  You have to keep frying until the meat gets darker than you would expect. Well that will be yummy. I will order those groceries next time.

So okay. It is about 93 degrees, climbing up to 95 later. This is my last day trapped inside.  Some people say I am not trapped inside but wow I can't tell you how much I don't intend to be in 100 degree weather.

So what should I be doing. Well I do not know. I already checked my online stuff. It is going well and I am thankful. I just like to be able to share creative work in some way. To me, that is not a waste. But I wish I had readers for these books. Well don't give up, everyone.

What else.  Treadmill. I am just not feeling it but I believe I will be walking again tomorrow. And I did lose five pounds. So that was unexpected.

I am not sure I am going to chat gpt any of my writing.  But I bet it already got sent through ad is being used as prompts. Ravneet told me to work on my copyright selections. Yeah I should do that.

I could just get the links for the books and email them to Tristan.  Well I will try to get that done soon.  Okay what for food. I still have some potatoes. And I have cheese and sour cream and could make some refried beans. I guess that is what I will do.

 Hello everyone, this is Refried. I had hoped that I would see book sales on my amazon page and I don't, but at least the demographics are different on my tik tok ads. Maybe I will improve at that and get more page visits. I did get 75. But even I myself don't see how the link works and am not able to click to the amazon page. So I do not really know what to do about that. And 75 is low for what I paid. (36 dollars) Like it will probably be 200 total and it goes up to 400.  But 200 is not bad if there are any sales at all. Like if ten people say hey maybe okay, then it is a profit. And wouldn't it be 20. I mean I do not know.

But that is something and not nothing.  And once again, am I supposed to believe that sales are happening? I have told you all that I don't enjoy that and I feel tortured by this process. I know people are creative, the conspiracy is neat, but don't you see that I can't stand the missing pay off from work.  It is not fair, it is not right, and it covers up your racism, bias, hypocrisy, and selfish reasons for preventing the books from reaching people.  All you see is a game where yes you would love to ruin an evangelical's career. How convenient.  

But maybe that is how people participate is they see the bad thing they want and can have if they let me stay alive.  Well isn't that clever. I just didn't do so bad on my own sometimes did I. So you have to wonder sometimes if maybe you guys are also my persecutors.

Anyway, I know that is not it but I wonder what is it, because this change in events is cool but does not bring about the needed thing.  And I have asked people to stop torturing me. And as you think maybe you help less prosperous populations, representatives from those same populations shame themselves by abusing me, so that didn't really work out, did it. And your clue that it wasn't a good direction should have been that you lost me as an advocate.  Because I was a strong supporter. But you spent what I had to offer, and then turned to absolute barbaric destruction.  So that is your legacy and their legacy.  And the zoom out reveals plenty more of that which can be as defining as anything else triumphant.

 Hello everyone. This is Refried. I woke up earlier and then went back to sleep and ad a good dream where I went to a mental hospital and it was fun and I won a power play and then I went to a restaurant and it was kind of a crisis but I got this box of chocolates and he design had a cross on it and it was about the appropriateness of the cross being surrounded by islam or something on the design. So that is interesting.

Last night I felt that there was a demon bothering me and I think it is within my soul landscape and needs to be rid somehow. And something made it who itself and I think it was going after Ravneet and the people on tiktok. And I also wondered if in the big picture when the evil stuff decides what to target in your life, it went after certain main relationships. And did it mistake people.  Like was there a choice to go after my twin or my girlfriend.  And then obviously me and my mom were attacked. So that is interesting. 

The demon was doing stuff. It wanted me to say bad stuff and that could have been the cursing issue yesterday when I said I planned to do the mickey mouse speech.  Like that was on my tongue ready to say, and then there were some other things like gosh what was it, i forget what they do, it is seizure activity. I want to tell Dr. Gokhan but I don't want to get sent to the hospital.

I felt some success agaisnt it to even see that it was there when I tried to think of certain people who have power over that stuff. But I could not get rid of it.  But possibly it was attacking because of that dream, too, like it new I had a good dream on the way.

Well that is interesting. This is real. It is a seizure disorder, it is targeting something happening or people, and I have had many more before. I told people I was very infested. What happened at the bookstore got me lashed and slashed with a lot of it.

Anyway have a great day everyone.

 Hello everyone. This is Refried. I got through the hottest day of the heat wave. Tomorrow is July 4. If it is only 85 degrees in the morning then I might walk to 7-11. But probably I will stay inside again.

Ravneet sent me good messages.

Also my TikTok video is working. I am only going to boost posts one day at a time.

They are forcing me to pay the Apple fee. I don’t respect that but the numbers are still pretty good.

I need to figure out how to share a website. The link I did post did not work. These people know how to keep traffic on their own site.

People are using exclamation marks with me but I don’t know why.

I feel the same hs feeling on TikTok as with the art and poetry page so that is good. It says something about the people on there which is young people. 

Maybe people are excited that something is about to get better for me. I do hope so but I am not like wow so emotional because I actually think it’s total bullcrap what has happened. An absolute outrage with the usual suspects. 

so it’s probably going to be the Mickey Mouse speech from me tomorrow. Just letting yall know what to expect.

 Hello everyone. I am watching some youtube videos of cooking and music.

I think I should do some treadmilling.  But it is okay I think I am just having a break from walking and will start again soon.

I think that soon I will make some potatoes with cheese and sour cream and honey mustard sauce.

I think it is disturbing me a little bit to not know what to eat. But actually I have some canned goods in the cupboard and I could thaw some chicken and make peanut butter chicken and rice. Hmm I wonder if that is what I should do.  But I do not have enough milk. The milk is for the coffee. I think it is soon time for afternoon coffee. I think I will make the potatoes now. And maybe boil some eggs later.

I am glad because we have gotten through a lot of the heat wave. 

Well have a good day everyone.

 Pals I started a new account and tried it on the phone and it would not work. I am gong to send them a message saying I think that is dishonest to tell me it is the payment when they set it to not accept my card.

It is refusal to serve. It is illegal and dishonest. I am tired of all these problems.

I am not going to the mensa meeting today. I don't go to every meeting every week.

I don't appreciate having these problems. 

 Hello everyone. 

I have been trying to do ads on tik tok and I can't for some reason. It is really frustrating and I think it compares with refusal to serve.

So I guess just not do that for now. I mean why did my facebook ads not work.

I am tired of these problems.  It is not fair. It does not benefit anyone. 

I really can't stand it. I am so sick of it. It just goes on and on. 

I tried to make a new account.  But then my password did not work. 

I don't appreciate it.

But I don't even know if that will solve the problems. I think it won't.

I guess I have some ideas for more ads but I question it. 

I mean maybe wait and just save the money.

 Pals. I messed up a worldly monk post because I thought it was this blog. I just forgot. I am going to mop the floor in a while but I think I don't have inspection.

I just secured a 700 dollar credit card called Fortiva. It is for low credit people. I do not know why it was not 1500 but it is okay. I think it is because of having a lot of recent inquiries. But there might be a weird home loan attempt from scammers on my credit. 

So I mean I do not know but what is my status. I have paid my website fee for the year, my books are posted on amazon, my lease is good for another 6 months, and I have distributed 3000 books to trustworthy people.  And some work reached people on facebook.  I just sometimes evaluate my expendability.  Because I was also stewarding other people's support of me.

Anyway I think I will live on the destiny card for two weeks and not do any more spending on those other cards.  And then with the next deposit, try to clear off a hundred hundred hundred. Actually maybe 150. Then I will be down to 1400 on a few of those cards.  Except I did spend on facebook didn't I.

Does anyone see it like I do? Like to go for the numbers because this is an opportunity that no one else in history has had except our time period?  I would be curious if anyone agrees with me that it is worth it.

But I can see how people might see how I am also a computer potato. 

Well, have a good day everyone.

 Hello everyone. Today is Friday. It is the second to last day of the heat wave and then we have a week of nice normal weather. Right now I am making coffee and I got three chores done for inspection.  Still left is dishes, throw away the pizza box, make bed, mop floor, and that is mostly it. I think I will wait until 11 am to get it done.

The memes on facebook are doing well and I think I will be at the old 1.2 mil number. It was weird how right when I felt I was at 200 mil, the echo church people emailed me.  They have good numbers too on their stuff.  And my numbers are partially their numbers because I am a remote member.

But anyway that is interesting. They really wanted me to come visit them. But I couldn't.  Also I did like that meeting last night and am thankful to be included.

I felt trauma as I went to sleep and I had gotten revved up from random ad music on facebook and then I felt a stomachache but I need to take my pantropazole.  I will get that bottle out of the clothes bag and get back on track.

I had an interesting dream where I was in my dorm a USC but it was next to the Russell House and my sister visited and I did something so funny like a funny walk and it made me feel hopeful about getting a funny role in heaven like tryouts or something.  And it had to do with mascotting but I wanted to be a journalist of some kind. So that is interesting.

Ok the coffee is ready. We do not have Nami groups today. I think I am going to phone some friends today. Maybe Beth, Sarge, Brian R, and that is all for now. I think my phone a friend program is back to normal. Thanks to everyone who helped me during the hardest of times. But I have had a lot of hard times haven't I in my life! Why is that, I do not know. But I have had a good life. God provided for me and I am a poet. That is what I wanted. I think mainly the books are for teens.  It is sweet and has an evangelical music quality and I did trust God for that. People think I don't do that stuff that they do but I kind of do.

Well, that is all.  I might apply for a fortiva card later. But I will go get mail first. I am waiting to go to the post office Monday.

 Readers who take seriously my "this is abuse" statement: there is something that is abuse but I am provided for and I am back to feeling okay and hopeful. There is a path forward and I am safe in terms of daily living etc.  There are just crimes that people got away with and missing career elements that compare to people simply not ever receiving a paycheck.  It is something like that but what do I do. 

But like I said, I will try some ads for the younger people soon and see how that goes. And I have new professional organizations, events scheduled, food in the fridge. I am okay. I mean a lot of people aren't okay right now but we don't need to just make that the new norm.

PC USA determined that the Israel's attack on Palestine was a genocide.  I mean I think USA is also defending Israel from a genocide from Iran. I just do believe that when that is in the news.  I also think Obama might have been right when he said that Palestine needed to be a separate state.  But they wanted quite a chunk of territory and on maps you can kind of see it as a an aggression against basic existence for Jews in a region where Muslims do have a lot of location options. But 30k children.  So some people did not do right.

Anyway thanks everyone. 

Ok soon I will take my medicine. Gice.  There is something to be sad about which is that I have inspection tomorrow. But I did laundry earlier this week so that is good.  Only a few dishes, then clean the table. I might not do well because of missing medicine one and a half times.

Gice. I have not prayed that well but I will try to later.

Ok thanks everyone. I am praying for God to break up the curses that people pray. I am prayign for those prayers to be counteracted and translated.  I myself have prayed like that before but in the end we want blessings for ourselves and do we really want to see bad news every day? I don't.  So anyway I mention that because a lot of people will have their prayers in the jackpots.  Like replicated 45 million times. So I mean there are going to be some thoughtful people who get discovered.

 Hello everyone. It is Thursday, July 2. I just went to a meeting and it was nice. Soon I have to take my medicine. It will be okay. I had a rough afternoon but am okay. I mean wow I am thankful for what I have but I sometimes feel the missing stuff and it hurts me a lot.  But now what is missing is the book sales, isn't it? Like isn't that all and I will feel like all is well? I mean not really because where is my girlfriend and why can't I take a trip to the beach. I mean not everyone can go on a vacation.  

But anyway I am just so thankful for air conditioning and I have a pepsi in the refrigerator and some ice cream.  Today is the midpoint of the heat wave. It kind of gives me hope for future populations because air conditioning exists and people can stay inside like they do for snow days.

So anyway I enjoyed that meeting. Someone named Joy was nice to me.

Becky is nice to me too. I love Becky.  She is a nice person.  

Tik Tok is helping me. I think everyone is participating in the conspiracy. I think it is a little something for the youngsters.

Wow that dalmation video was just incredible and amazing, how sweet. Hard to believe.  Just great and think of all the nice innocent people who have an innocent social life on social media.  I mean there is a lot of nonpornographic stuff and God knows that some people needed all of it.  Except abuse of course, that is terrible, and the accident videos where people fall.  And yet what would the middle schoolers want to watch? Maybe some grownups falling off cliffs.

Wow I made myself laugh.

So okay. I am okay now.  I miss my comedy class but now I am going to have a double comedy class, individual coaching and trauma class. I possibly need to recruit some people. Wow I think I will.

But wait a minute it is female and gnc only.  Well that is okay I think I can find some people.

Some long distance people. 

 Hello everyone, this is Refried. It is Thursday, July 2. I tried to advertise on TikTok but it would not take my card. I am waiting for a reply. It is only accepting me as a personal profile and not a business.

It kind of frustrates me. But it might be time to make a grilled cheese sandwich.

My main reaction as I am not able to advertise is to say my lack of book sales is abuse.

Someone is abusing me. I do not know who was supposed to do what. But this is abuse.

But thanks for the blog views, and I still have a lot of my friends. Probably about ten percent.

So I am thankful and especially glad to not be out in the heat right now.

But I feel in this way that I can't run a normal business that someone is abusing me.

And who is it, I do not know. I think there is a game where people see other people not doing stuff and they say, it should be the church, it should be a hospital who hires me, it should be these people those people, what about the facebook friends. Meanwhile more of the disability haters become vocal, and I am seen as a bum.  And the bums see me as more of a bum than them.  Because I don't have a flourishing drug dealing career.  

Anyway, I guess I will make the grilled cheese sandwich and get ready for my comedy class. My mood is low now and frustrated instead of motivated and hopeful.  I believe it is a refusal to serve case.

 Hello everyone. I boosted two jokes post and my numbers are going to be in half because I added the african countries to India this time. I just felt like those countries did support the jokes page so I am revisiting them. It is going to be hard to get lower numbers. I will feel an unsatisfied feeling. But I felt that it was the right thing to do. I mean was I wrong. Did I need to stick with India. I mean these posts are both crowd pleasers and I could have hit 2 mil. I mean maybe I was just wrong.

I mean maybe don't even think about it but I was looking forward to having those successful easy posts.

I mean was I just wrong. I guess live and learn. I just think a lot more people would have liked the butterflies especially. I mean maybe I was just wrong.

But it is okay. I mean honestly maybe stop the boost early and save some money since it wasn't ideal. Like  hit pause tomorrow or something.

I just talked to my therapist a while ago and it was great, she helped my mood. 

Well have a good day everyone.

 Pals. I am not able to go on the California trip.  My mom had said yes but did not realize how soon she would have to do the deposit and her knee is hurt so she can't just suddenly go today or something. I mean I could ask that but I decided to let that be the clue I needed to cancel. My own disability is also a factor. It is just too big of a bite for me to chew.

It really is about the deposit.  I am wondering if we can change from monthly to trimonthly deposits. Maybe for 6000 so 2000 a month. I mean it would be hard to manage that and the money would dwindle but this is just not an easy set up and it is turning into me itemizing me expenses more than an adult should have to.

But anyway I am sad to not be able to go on the trip. It was a good opportunity and I feel like there was some possibility for sponsorship of the page. But I think it is the same as Write to Publish where they will think if I had just been obedient it would be game over. 

So I am sad to fake them out but I think also if they are that hurt then I would need to have more paid for. Like if I am make or break then I need a plane ticket. But they know that.

It is kind of sad but honestly I am not up for that kind of travel, am I? I just don't fly. What am I going to take a cab to JFK and hop on a plane after a TSA violation and then take a cab to a hotel and not sleep and have gallbladder pain and not have a go to hospital? I mean I am disabled. I am down for the count.  We just discussed that I have three years left. I can barely do trains to SC.

This was kind of weird, the way mom said yes and then it was a no go. I just feel it is safer this way anyway. I did the best I could. 

 Hello everyone, I am doing okay. I think what happened is that I saw some memes that were better than mine and it put me in a low mood.  But I am happy for those people. I really am. I am not jealous. And I am happy for myself to have memes at all. Some of my memes are really funny and I do not mind not being the ultimate.

Gice, my lawyers are the best, I am really happy with them.  I need to figure out which books to register. I bet they would let me do about ten. I mean possibly I should do 30 over the summer and fall.  So maybe start with ten and gradually add some more later on.

So do you gice think I will probably make an egg and cheese sandwich. I think that will be yummy. I had also thought I would make cookies today but I didn't. 

So let's see. I just get the pan out, put some butter, heat it up, add an egg, cook it, add cheese, put some mayo on the bread, and then I have a sandwich, I can do it. I will try to do that at midnight.

Gice it is so sweet how people have been nice to me. It is weird how I have a lot of foibles isn't it. I think some of it is the anxiety and awkward autism stuff.  I think it means we should try to help everyone like that. I think I should post about the Ayn Rand people on my page and stick up for them.  I mean think of all the bad news and then there is that. I mean why not be happy. And they are russian. So it is like hmm, russians. And yet they aren't nuking us.  They are climbing the empire state building and nice people. So let's be thankful for that on our feeds.  I mean on New Years, it will be in the highlights. Which reminds me that I need to call Sarge. I think that could be a good happy thing in my week. I hope she is not mad but all my phone a friends got rationed out over months instead of days.

I wish I had a strawberry pretzel salad. I think i do have some jello. I feel okay now. Notice I did not help myself to an online appointment. I really try no to overdo it.

Gice did you see how the young guy at the muslim deli was nice to me. I hope you gice can do a good conspiracy for them. But not to neglect 7-11 either. I mean and Burger King with their good coffee. They have been nice too and wow we know it is torture there sometimes, do we not? I mean we know that. What can we do about it. 

Well that is all for now. Ravneet said thanks everyone.

 Hello everyone. This is Refried. It is Wednesday, July 1. I kind of feel mild angst and depression.  It could be low iron fatigue. It is hard to tell if it is mental or physical.  But I am at least cooled off and okay in my room. I just kind of don't feel as good as I did earlier today.

It could be from trauma from texting with my mom.  Or going outside and being aware of how bad the heat is going to be for two days. Or all the news, etc.

It might be some fear about the possible trip but I think that will be okay. But I have felt overwhelmed sometimes lately, like from trying to do normal things that aren't as disabled. 

I think I have a comedy class tomorrow. I hope it goes well. I think it will.  But I do not know if I am getting the link emails or not.

But anyway I just ate some sour dots. They were pretty good. Then I fixed myself a coffee.

I am excited about being in the self publishing group that I joined. I hope I sell some books soon. 

Tomorrow I talk to my therapist. I am really glad about that.

Ok Ravneet said I need to eat something. I think I should make scrambled eggs. I could also make a grilled cheese sandwich. Maybe I will do both. I think I can wait until ten oclock.  I think that might be why I don't feel that great is because I had a stretch of time this afternoon where I did not eat enough.

But I ate apple jacks and a milkshake a while ago.  So now I will have some coffee.

Well have a good day everyone.

 Hello everyone, this is Refried. Some people I prayed for had a good surgery and then things went bad.  I will try to see the rest of the video but I was not able to watch it all. I mean I guess I am a wimp or maybe selfish, frankly.

I talked to my mom and she is getting good care for her hip and has to do the other one in a few months. I mean wow I did not expect that and it kind of stresses me out. However she did say I could go on a certain trip to a conference that I want to go to.

And yet it is kind of not that easy to attend.  I just always said I would never travel to california and now I am probably going to at least try. It is actually very direct from new york and might end up seeming easier than my train trips.

But it means I need a deposit friday. I will tell my mom tomorrow. I hope this goes okay. I felt the holy spirit all afternoon and think it was because of conference prayers. Although it could be that ministry power from a middlechurch person that I felt the power from one time. Hmm that could be it but I do not know.  But anyway I ended up just deciding to do what I said I would do and it went well.

So now I will try to go to the conference.  It is just that the last conference yielded a return of 60 million video views.  I mean that was from that conference. So what will be from this one? I do not know.

This also makes me feel like I really let down the Write to Publish people but I did the best I knew to do in that scenario. I think their policy needs to be more inviting for attendees and the strictness can be applied to speakers. I mean does that not make sense to people? I think that is not a bad policy in this phase of church growth.

And yet I myself might have been wrong to not try to be a speaker for this conference that I am going to.  But it is okay. I probably could not handle the stress of feeling like I can't bail if something goes truly wrong.

So anyway I ate some apple jacks .I had felt a little weak from not eating much for several hours. I think soon I will drink some coffee. 

It is really warm outside and I think there is an effect from everything baking all day and then when the temperature is a little cooler it still feels like you can't cool off. I mean honestly I am kind of warm in my room right now. But we have air conditioning and you can feel the difference as soon as you come inside.

So anyway I also have orange sherbet so I can make a sherbet shake later. I think I will do that.  And I have enough liquid for two days but honestly I might should have gotten a twelve pack of soda.

Well, have a good day everyone.

 Don't you people get it? Proposing on the empire state building is cliche and these people went up to the top and it is so funny and cool.  What it everyone's problem that they are trying to make it political or something.  Or judge it.  Did anyone else do anything remotely that cool today?  I mean people going to work when it is hot is pretty amazing but this was a special cool thing and I feel like people feel when their sports team wins.

It is very Ayn Rand to me.

Congrats pals, I hope you get pardoned and not sent to rykers.

 Pals, my friend and I are postponing our open mic comedy debut because of the heat. It is weird because I really was going to go.  So now I will take my medicine at about 11 am.  I slept well and hopefully I will have an okay day.

I have to immediately figure out if I can fly to California. I just have never flown that far before.  I always felt like I would not travel there but I would like to go to the conference.

I think I am not going to invite the other church people.  I think I will try to hot dog it if I am able to.

It means asking my mom for the money.  Man she is tired of that. I will think about it for another hour and then maybe ask.  We just have a lot going on with her knee so I need to really consider if I can do a trip.

I have just a few hours to figure it out. It could be a fun opportunity but there are reasons not to go.  The disability is the main thing, the distance, and the cost. But the last conference had. good outcome and they were nice to include me.

I might give myself until 5 pm to call my mom after her appointment and maybe talk to my sister too.

So okay, this day will be fine. One thing at a time and do the best I can. 

I mean who knows, I might go to the conference and I would like to if I can.