Hello everyone, this is Refried. It is Sunday, June 21. I do not feel like walking right now. I am going to make some coffee instead of walking to the coffee shop. My new facebook page is doing well.  One of the videos has gotten 170 thousand views, really with about 17 thousand "thru-plays." But there are some in between plays in there too that include good jokes.  It is around 30 thousand thru plays for the whole page so far and that is literally like a thousand times the amount of people in the class shows.  Really maybe more like 800 times.  That is really worth it. And I am at 1.8k followers.  I kind of have mixed feelings about some aspects like cost, appearance, etc.  But I think mostly it is good for me to have a video page like that.  I actually am aware of the potential of phone videos. Like the selfie videos.  Am I right though?  Do I need to be doing a different kind of page where I journalism the stuff in my life? I am thinking no, stick with the comedy.

Not many trolls except I was not happy to see a mention of my teacher who I gave credit to in a video.  I literally did last initial and they looked him up and blamed me for some of his humor that is a different topic that I do not do.  I mean am I funneling that to India in a bad way? I think I am okay and just doing my thing. I hope everyone stays safe though. This also goes back to my awareness of destiny and how God ordained for that person to be my very excellent comedy teacher.  And how different we are.

So anyway, my hope is that this will be some good content food for the people who view it all. It is of a certain nature.  There is a juiciness to some of it.  Like me as a disabled, mentally ill person, my gendered appearance choices which could not be more organic and consistent, the christianity, the unboosted jokes, etc. What will be interesting is maybe after this boost if I can tolerate all the unshared stuff. I think it will be fine.

So anyway, my critique group. I did not do well for them this month but I am meeting with Janice today at 3 pm. I am aware too of how I did not give good critique on Jody's book on google docs but there was an issue with my internet for that, I did try about four times and couldn't, and I was also thrown off by her having to redo a lot. So I will try again, that is all I can do. I still have the glasses.

 Hello everyone.  I think I am going to take an inventory of the year so far.  That is kind of rude but honestly I am bored and I do feel like I need to improve my attitude about some stuff.

So okay, I think early on was that book of rhymes and it was supernatural. That was really cool, but are the rhymes that good? I am not sure the meter is even right on some of them.  But anyway, that was a good start, and then the book of three books for that.

Then I also ordered about 200 books and gave those away. That is a few goals completed, one big hospital send, a class set, and some bonus people.  That is good.

Then the trip to Greenville, and I found out I did not have to caregive for my mom's hip surgery.  That went well.

Also, I feel like my mom gave me enough money in the winter.  This summer I do not have enough money but I made my choice to get a lawyer and that was in fact worth it. I did need that and feel better and feel like some things will be resolved just from not writing anything with no regard for anything.

So anyway, the comedy class was another good thing and the jokes were good. I feel like my appearance was not that good in the video but tolerable for my page and adds variety. So that is okay. Also now, a facebook page, compiled patiently from several years of doing the best I can.

Ok now I am kind of drawing a blank.  I transitioned from some phone a friends to other phone a friends, and I continued attending nami groups.  I also had some hospital appointments and feel some community from that.

What else. I gave joke books to delivery drivers and about 30 other people, maybe even forty. I sent a few queries, I attended the children's book conference, I participated in Writing For Your Life and 540.

I kept my PO Box, I reduced my horrible medicine, and I bought three new shirts and two pairs of jeans.

I used my SNAP benefits and was relieved from the grocery store commute problem.

I socialized with three friends in New York, and maybe went downtown a few other times.

What else. Ok, the videos.  I think that is the other major thing.  I started making ai videos and sending them to India, and I am nearing the 200 million mark.  But there is a delay and I am using good self control.  

What about church. I attended online sometimes but just can't tithe. I mean I have kept up a tithing charade despite living off credit cards and charity.  There is something to it, but my facebook pages need to be seen as legitimate christian missions, too, and can't a church help with that? I mean why not, I do not know, and yet I feel that with this conspiracy, it could be appropriate for me to stick to my civilian status.

Ok what else.  I watched the news, and prayed a medium amount. I could have done much better but had some good days.  I saw a few visions but not a lot.  Maybe if we reduce the latuda I will see some good stuff again.

What else.  I passed inspection every week so far and tolerated a lot of missed appointments from the staff person in question.  The power play of a rude gesture of disrespect.  So time to pray for forgiveness again.  Hopefully something will get better soon, and yet it never really does, I am on a downward path and it is not the christian "descent to greatness." It is just me being bullied.

I think that is all from this year. I am forgetting Ravneet! I just miss Ravneet and I am not sure that the secret messages are maintaining our closeness enough. but possibly I kept that official in a good way.

Ok is there anything else. It is midyear. It went by fast.  I liked that post where someone talked about their summer bucket list.  That is a cute idea.  Summer goes by fast.

Ok therapy and taking the shuttle to North Central Bronx. That has gone well.  

Kirkus reviews. That was another thing.  Posts on my jokes page, only mostly okay on normal page.

Watching youtube, mixing it up with the music and food videos, maybe not watching as much this year.

I just can't think of anything else. Well, have a good day everyone.

 Hello everyone, this is Refried. I am feeling a little bit better and I think that I felt some angst from the numbers slowing down when it is the middle of the night in India.  I mean it just messes with me psychologically and now it is back to normal.  I was thinking at 850 I might stop the ads but actually I believe I will keep the ads running.

Anyway I know I missed a great Mensa party, but to me, the real issue is that I forgot the afternoon online discussion today when ten minutes before, I was planning to log in.  So actually, I had memory lapses three times today, but it was normal stuff every time.  It isn't stuff like not knowing where I am or something.  It is just being forgetful.  I need to accept that as part of my life.

I wish Hilary had won the election in 2016. That was what was needed.  Things were more positive then and would have stayed that way for a while, probably.   There would have been economic problems from too much government, but tech advances probably would have made up for it. But I think some people wanted to be mad and that is what we got. 

Anyway, this is a good prayer window and I have taken advantage of some of it but not perfect. You know what is good sometimes is to pray for other people's praying and prayers. I mean let them get some stuff.

Some people still don't understand that I am disabled.  But I wish I could work.  

Gice I think this year will be the last main effort with the books unless something happens. And then I will keep them available for as long as I can but kind of give up on the project. It was a twenty year thing.  Some work reached people. I had readings and participated in things.  Some jokes reached people.  The fiction didn't really reach a lot of people. I mean maybe it is not too late to send some stories to lesser publications. Some people might be happy to get a story from me. It's just that as a whole, it wasn't inferior.  It was consistently entertaining and absolutely worthy of a place on shelves and in classrooms.

Well, have a good day everyone.

 Hello everyone, I just took my medicine. I think if I take it in the afternoon a few more times, then I will be back to normal soon with my sleep patterns.

I talked to a new phone a friend a while ago, and now I am going to probably sleep soon. Tomorrow I am not going downtown but possibly Monday I will try out a new walking route.  And yet it puts me at risk of spending money.  So hmm I do not know what to do about that.

Today I read through a few thin books.  I still have some reading issues. I actually wonder if a lot of us do because of online habits.

I was thinking about watching the Batman and Robin movie because I saw an ad online. I mean who knows, maybe that is how they manipulate people.  They said it was the 29th anniversary. I mean who celerbates a 29 year anniversary.  Probably they automated some ads to try to sell rentals somehow online.

Anyway I am kind of getting sick of my page that I started and my own personae.  But possibly it is just from some facebooking snafus.

I wonder if I should chatgpt some health stuff like temporal lobe epilepsy.

 Hello everyone, this is Refried. I made an unexpected decision to only go for the Indian audience with the stand-up page. I mean that is different than I intended, but I actually think it is some transparency that is good to have for the other pages. And weirdly, the numbers are higher than I thought. The boosted video view posts are going to be in the range of the ai blobs posts. I mean that is pretty amazing.  

I could still boost to america and maybe reach about 9000 people with a normal boost, and get a third of that for whole "thru-plays." I mean that is more than at a comedy club. So maybe I will do that but for now, this is all I can do. I think it is working out well.  And I will do some more poems and jokes on my jokes page. I really need a budget for it.  I mean what am I supposed to do. 

Anyway, I feel like taking a third walk but am going to wait until later to do that. I think I will try to go to the Mensa discussion at 2 pm. 

I just think possibly I was not patient enough with the USA ad, but now I made my decision and I think I will be happy with it.

I feel kind of bored sometimes but am glad for the safety and rations. But honestly sometimes I have a feeling of things getting worse in some ways. I think some of it is on purpose from mental health people. And I need to stay immune in some ways and pray for all populations.  They are trying to repel me from some groups. I feel sorry for them.

 Hello everyone, this is Refried. I started my new comedy page. I was not expecting to get it done so fast.  It is rolling along and I am boosting some posts. I will see how it goes.  I actually think my selfie phone videos might end up doing better.  But might as well have some stand up mic stand videos too. Right now I am boosting my favorite one about april fools.  Possibly there will be some trolls. But I mean that is kind of their problem.  

I think it is the conspiracy that I have no american career. But some friends said that they perceive me as a normal writer.  So I will try to stay positive. I just feel like there are no book sales. 

I really miss my girlfriend.  I got a message from her earlier but I don't know what it means. I just feel like this week I have not understood the messages very well or communicated at all for a while.

And then the zeroes on book sales are starting to really get to me.  But I think part of that is because I think I have finished the give away list and maybe I haven't.  Maybe a few addresses would be good. I mean I could do that later today. I am thinking around three oclock.  I have a few library books left, and a few joke books, and pinnacle of human folly. Maybe that is what I will do next week.

This past week I walked about 23 miles total.  That is the correct amount and I will try to do that every week.  I have a walking buddy on the phone and can text photos.  So that is good.

I actually have some new phone buddies that contacted me themselves. So that is nice and a relief.

I just do feel depressed sometimes like there is no horizon of things getting better, just decline and hopefully no bullying but probably it will get a little worse.

 Hello everyone, this is Refried. It is 8:44 on Saturday. I think I will walk to Starbucks soon. I just uploaded some more videos and am almost done starting my stand up jokes page.  I think unexpectedly I will boost to India mostly instead of the United States. I don't feel that it is urgent, and I might be better off printing some poems on memes soon to add to my poems and jokes page. And then do another memes book as well.

The volume is kind of low on some of the videos, and I think that was the choice of the people who did the class.  I kind of don't appreciate it, but people can turn up the volume if they need to.

I closed my eyes some in the videos but it is okay. Not all of them are like that.  Interestingly, I think that finally my poem reading videos will find an audience, and who knows, maybe that will be what it is all about on this page. That is kind of weird in a way.

I am also going to do phone selfie videos.  I think some of that is funnier.  But honestly I expect it all to blend as just part of normal internet content.  I simply am not going to waste my life and work.  It will reach some people even if they don't understand everything.  The captions don't match either, which I don't appreciate, but I will get over it.  It will be part of making it not matter so much that i can't tolerate it.

So now the missing component is the financials. Hopefully I will figure something out. I think I am going to boost the new york t shirt video to get page views. Or a poems video.  I don't need a lot of page follows, just some is recommended. Hmm, actually, I could do a meme for that.  Instead of a video. Like I could take that pink meme or a groundhog meme or something.  Hmm I just am not sure that is that honest, like possibly I should go ahead and do a video.

 Hello everyone, this is Refried. Today is Juneteenth.  I am having a nice day. I need to take my medicine soon. I forgot about it and took a walk but that was good and I had a good lunch. I hurt my back gum a little bit from eating apple jacks too fast but it is okay.

I got some good emails today and talked to my lawyer about my book questions.  I still have some of my retainer and am going to use it for extra copyright registration.  The lawyer, named Tristan, answered like twenty questions.  I think that is amazing!! I sent him a cartoon that probably was copied from one of my jokes. Hmm I might post it here. Hmm I don't know if I should.  Wow I do not know. I might let it be for now.

So anyway I am doing okay and just need to keep walking and use my time in a productive way.  I sent a query today to an agent and felt good about it.  It is different than my other queries because it was for my joke book.  I really think my joke book could sell a lot. I mean I already just give it to as many people as possible.  The only limit is what I can afford.

Ok I am posting the joke and the cartoon.  My joke from three years ago, and the cartoon that could be related.  I am not going to shark anyone but I will post both things here on my blog:

I think their cartoon is funnier than my joke and yet it does seem reminiscent, doesn't it.  Well I am not going after anyone, and honestly I do hesitate to post this, except that I find it to be good material for this blog, and maybe this is when I do stick up for myself a little bit, and not really question the copying as much as I question being ignored to the point that all of my jokes are just sitting out there to be copied for three or five or ten years, meanwhile I have no income except small checks that make people hate me.

 Hello everyone, this is Refried. It is 2:30 am.  It is time to start working on inspection.  I threw away one trash bag and a pizza box a few hours ago.  Now I will make a list of what is left:  put clothes in cart, do dishes, clear and clean counter, put away remaining groceries, throw away some stuff from fridge, clear table, sweep, mop, make bed.  

That is not that much.  I will take medicine at 12:30, after inspection.  That is about when I took it today.  So I am on the right track.

I also need to clear off the chair with all the junk on it.  So that is about ten small chores.  I can do that at 11 am.  But I will probably do that at 8 am.

I prayed for forgiveness for people but I feel I am still at risk for anger problems.  But at least I got the prayers in.  There are just so many problems out there and people mistreating others.

I think something triggered me recently but I don't know what it is. It could be left over from last week.

I think I should google stuff and use AI more. I think it would be interesting to me.

Anyway I do feel like sending out 300 million valentines that say I don't respect you.

Well, have a good day everyone.

 Hi everyone, this is Refried. It is Thursday, June 18. I walked two miles and bought some more ground coffee because I ran out a while ago and was using some espresso that was not normal.  A few minutes ago, I took my medicine, so I am caught up on that and should not be tortured by housing staff. 

My video got plenty of views. So far I think the most popular one was when I had that dark blue shirt on and did the april fools jokes. I think this time it is just too bad that I closed my eyes for the last half.  But it is okay. That is the only video like that out of five.  And sometimes it wasn't that my eyes were closed, I was just looking down.

So anyway, it was another good experience. I am signed up for a trauma comedy class in July and August, and a children's book conference.  I need my mom to make a deposit for that but I don't know if she will be able to very soon.

Possibly I should revisit the pink shirt video.  And see how it compares. I just think some of the jokes weren't as funny in that video.  And yet I myself was a little bit funnier.  So that is interesting, live and learn.  My new videos are pretty funny, and maybe that format is just as good.  The selfie format.

Have I eaten lunch today? I might eat some apple jacks and then take a nap. This morning I had interesting dreams and woke up feeling okay.

I wonder if maybe this excitement will wear off and then I am reminded of the books just sitting there on amazon. What does it all mean, I do not know.

Well, have a good day everyone.

 Hello everyone, this is Refried. It is June 18. I just talked to my mom.  Her knee is bothering her and she is using the walker instead of the cane.  The doctor thinks her knee is hurting because of compensating from the hip.  Hopefully she will feel better soon. I mean maybe even in a day from resting it.

She was proud of me for doing the comedy show.  I did have a joke about her but that is normal for comedians to do that.  You just kind of have to, more so than even being a nonfiction writer or doing memoir and essays. So I think it is okay.

About a hundred people watched my whole comedy video.  That is really good and is rewarding on facebook. So I am thankful for the facebooking that I still have. But I miss my friends and life woudl be different if I saw their posts more often and heard from them more, too.  But I got about 60 likes on that photo and 42 likes on the video. And probably some people don't click like until they know what content is. I do not know if I will be judged for any of it.  I feel okay about all the jokes.  Some didn't hit that well and get a huge laugh but mostly it was a good audience that laughed plenty. But that is an interesting thing in comedy is that you really can't totally predict the audience.  I think this audience felt a little sorry for me and could see my disability.  But I think they did like me and my jokes, too.  Several people said so after the show, and I don't usually get that.

I think also even though I am not sure I got my outfit right and I am not looking very good, this is all more experience and I learn something new each time.  But I also think that my disability limits me and I can't control the performance perfectly because of the memory challenge. Like it is really freaking hard for me to remember the jokes, and you can see me stumble a little bit sometimes.  And that is all while not nailing the mood and style and eye contact, etc.  But I think it could improve with practice.

I hope I can sign up for that next class. I think I might need to pay the deposit and then get the rest of it. My finances just aren't great right now.

 Gice honestly this was not that easy of a day, waiting two hours for that video to download, then two twenty minutes again to upload, then the nonideal facebook boost, and facebook manipulating me to format things in ways that benefit them.  I need to not be swayed by the numbers.  My friends who watched the video do like it. And I am not boosting it to strangers.  I can see the plan, to do individual joke clips for what I know is perfectly original and memorable, and I will send that around sometime. I mean when, I do not know.  The urgency I feel is kind of because of computer files.  

So I am thinking save a bunch of clips in the quick time program, and then translate them to reels, put them all on one page, and then boost over time in the fall, probably.  I mean maybe people say, why wait, well there is a reason, and that is financial.

I mean saving the clips could be a project very soon. But I should think, because there are a lot of comedy videos out there now, and do I need to join a frenzy or just be patient and share a little bit here and there as I feel like it. I mean I do not know.  I just really love memes.  Memes are legit.  Possibly I could be one of the bad guys not giving some jokesters their full credit as comedians.

So anyway.  I am tired. I guess watch some youtube and listen to music.  What is tomorrow.  Tomorrow is clean up and maybe use OTC for coffee at Key Food.

 Hello everyone, this is Refried. It is 11:23. I am drinking coffee but it did not brew right so it is questionable but okay. I posted my video earlier and I felt kind of middle of the road about it, like not as enthused as I felt Sunday immediately after the show.  But the people who watched it liked it and got the jokes, and there is nothing I really feel ashamed of about it. I mean I don't like that I start closing my eyes too much in the second half, but it is only four minutes,  And I am okay with the rocking even though I kind of look a little too much like I am dancing.  But it's not that bad and I think it is an okay amount that I stop sometimes and stand still.  And then the rushed, stress feeling, I think no one really notices that much because of the variety on facebook, and because of the sound being off for some people.  

I am okay with the captions and think the jokes still come through.  Basically it is a video of me doing actual stand up comedy and I am happy with that.  I think I am not going to send it around with a boost but I might harvest all the videos sometime and take the jokes out.  I think that would give me about 40-50 usuable clips and I could do them as reels and put them on a separate page with some other selfie videos and boost them sometime.  I mean maybe shoot for the fall on that, or consult with the teacher of the trauma class which I will hopefully take soon.  I need to ask my mom tomorrow.

Anyway, appearance.  It is just a huge shirt and I think I look kind of larger than I had to in the video, but really it is a real thing that I am over-overweight.  But the reasons for that are psych meds and abuse, and I will do the best I can.  I mean things will go how they go.  I think I will try to do some walks downtown.

Also- profile views.  It is okay. I am just mostly okay and consistent throughout the six videos that I have. I just really think it is okay and other people are other people and I am me for certain reasons.  And I did keep in shape for the first 20 years of adulthood.  And then seven in new york until the bad people ruined it. I mean how bad.  God will say how he feels about it someday. To me it seems that with my particular case, he always thinks it is best to let the damages accrue.

 Hello everyone, this is Refried. I got my comedy video back and it is good. It is a keeper.  I will probably share it on facebook soon, though I might wait some hours or a day until I fully have thought about it more.  I think there are some delivery issues that could be better. At least I can see it for myself.  I just think some of it is an ability issue where I really might not be able to do better unless i am performing more often.  I checked out a lot of other comedy sites and saw a few possible paths that don't seem just right.  But it helps me see I am on a good path already.

My therapist gave me a link that I think could work out but I need to ask my mom to help me take the class. I hope she says okay because it is a cool trauma class.

The video is one fifth downloaded after twenty minutes.  Man it will be hard to be patient. I think my internet is normal instead of slow starting tomorrow so I could try again if I am not able to be patient enough today. I mean honestly it could be impossible.

Has anyone else seen my video? What do you gice think? I think it is pretty good but I am not a superstar. I mean I felt a little bit at superstar level but I think I have some things working against me. Mostly my appearance is okay but a little too pudgy. Eyes are closed too much, my teacher has told me that before. But I did look at the audience sometimes.

I think it is okay. I am just disabled. I am a writer. I do the best I can. 

Well, let's see if this blog post will post without disrupting the download.

 Pals, this is Refried. It is Wednesday, June 17. I just ordered some groceries from Instacart.  It is a nice luxury for me but I did save SNAP 30 thousand dollars by delaying my dependence. I unfortunately forgot to order coffee and added it and I think they automatically recharged for fees. But maybe it will be deducted again but it is questionable. 

I will be waiting until about 1 pm and then I will go outside. I ordered a lot of junk food unfortunately but there are a few good meals too.  Like what about 6 things, plus eggs, meat, and cheese.  And I have been eating peanut butter rice which is yummy.  I do not need to be judged but I do understand a little bit.

Well my comedy video is not here and I know Ben did go out of town but it is weird and different than normal. I mean is he preparing me for not getting a good video because really my performance went well.

I could have gone downtown today to get a rent check but I didn't.  Tomorrow I could go but the parade traffic might be bad. But I could go to 86 street in the morning. I mean I do not know.

Last night I had an interesting dream of being in a map place and that was neat and felt supernatural.  Then this morning I had another dream where I went to a thrift store and the lady who worked there was mean to me.

Do people like those jokes from yesterday? I think I have almost enough for a whole new routine. i mean should I do an open mic. I am actually not feeling it, like I am kind of feeling like stick with classes. But I like the New York Comedy Club logo. I mean maybe check out a show from their list and then see how far away I am from that level.

Well, have a good day everyone.

 

Hey everyone, here is my comedy class from May 5 for 6 weeks. It was very fun and I think I have a consistent hobby. To me, this does reach into identity. I will say again that I think some church people tell everyone that their identity is in christ, meanwhile withholding opportunities for some people to express their true nature. It really means a lot to me for childhood ambitions to come true in New York City. I am really thankful and I encourage everyone to find their way to some kind of open mic at some point. It can really change your life and make other problems fade away.

 Hello everyone. This is Refried. I had a great day. I woke up, logged onto a group on Discord, then traveled downtown to go to an autism event.  Unfortunately I got detoured on the way and cursed a little bit incessantly as my cart hit gates forcing me away from the Puerto Rico parade.  But I eventually got to the event in Brooklyn and had a great time.  I gave away about 55 books and it went well.  For a second it seemed like I wasn't going to succeed at giving away the books.

There is a cool person named Sy-aire who is in charge of the autism organization and I feel happy for them. The book giving went mostly pretty well but it was not easy but I will try to attend next year, too.

After that event I took the A train to my comedy show and it was amazing how close the train stop was to the location.  I went to a coffee shop to recharge and then met my class at the venue.  I was not as nervous as sometimes but was nervous for longer.  I obsessed about the show for a week.  But I think I learned the material better than usual. It went really well.  I hope I get a good video. It might not be that good in terms of appearance but I think the joke delivery and laughs were good.  This is my sixth show. That is really cool and if you think about it, I have performed 42 times, because we do our jokes at class, too.  I mean honestly, that is not easy. 

So I think this was a really good weekend and I had memes sharing on facebook, too. It was a high functioning time.  My friend Sharon attended the comedy show and we went to a diner afterwards.  Then the train on the way home was as empty as it has ever been.  Also the Knicks won, and yesterday I went to an online retreat for writing.  I did not do that well but it was still fun and I will try to mail Charissa a book to England.

I mean why not have some blessings and things go well. 

My finances are kind of tight but it is not an emergency.

I got some sleep last night and hopefully I will get more sleep later at about 5 am.

I realized that I should have invited my writers group to the comedy class show but maybe next time. I mean honestly I think the writers group sessions are already a thing. But probably a few of those people would have enjoyed the show. Also what about Mary Catherine who came to that other show. I mean maybe the idea is one person at a time. Also I might have told Dan Frey that I would invite him.  I actually think the thing to invite him to is to do a class himself.  I think that is what I will try to do.

Well, have a good day everyone.

 Hello everyone, this is Refried. It is Saturday, June 13. I am attending an online writing retreat. It is great. It is on discord. So far I have reread my novel called Poncheesy, written a blog post, updated an important document, rehearsed my comedy routine, and socialized.  I also took a shower and gave myself a haircut. 

So I think I am all set for tomorrow and just need to make sure I get sleep. I mean possibly I will snooze during this session.  

I feel glad about being done with Poncheesy.  My main feeling was that the beginning part of it where I was actually writing a novel wasn't so good that I needed to make the rest of the book be just like it.  So what happened was interesting and kind of funny. And then the groundhogs at the end.

So that is good. I probably won't revisit it.

I think I am just about done with most of my stuff. I think that I should mainly be trying to walk more and get exercise.  But I need to crack the code on when.  Possibly in the morning. I mean what if I do that every day and then take my medicine after that. Hmm I think I might see how that goes.

Ok the other code to crack is whether to order a pizza. Hmm.  I am thinking maybe.  I think I will look at the papa johns menu and see what is available.

 Ok everyone, I got my books ready for the sunday event.  It has some new titles, but I chickened out on second thin books series.  But I added soldier hogs, train light, junkyard, forgiveness flag, and about four or five visuals, more blobs, optic nerve, trio triumphant, and hopping online. I mean why not.  I wish i had a couple of more floopydoos but this is a good assortment too.  I think I will have about 55 books to give. maybe 60 but I am not sure about that.  let's see, 26 plus four, 30 plus 30, I think 60.  That is good.  That is actually not that much for a whole festival.  But it will be fine. Live and learn, plan better next time, participate in the organization. I only ever give away about ten or fifteen at nami things once a year.  So I mean that is just how it worked out.  I think it is a good assortment to give.  And I am left with about 20 of the second thin that I am too shy to share. I mean this is where readers were needed.  A lot of people have professions where they need the people to be there or there is no career and I think that even though writing is not as much like that, it is kind of like that. I mean a lot of stuff is actually like that.

but anyway I think soon i will hear back from the lawyers.  But i am happy that I saw that video today, that was a lot too. It is so sweet.  And funny about how some people talk too much and I am like that. 

So that is kind of comical.  Who will get the next books. I think I will scroll through and see if any vermont people want a book.

I made some popcorn and accidentally used the old butter but it is fine. Well, now what for the rest of the day. I would have done groceries but there are storms scheduled in just a couple of hours. I think possibly I was too afraid of the heat but I did decide to stay in. Maybe I will do the treadmill.

Have a good day everyone.

 Ok everyone, that was my best inspection. Gloria used it to train the new worker and it was fast and I hit the button we hit when it passes.  I actually did clean up a couple of extra areas this time.

The two facebook posts are doing well in India and I am thankful for my audience there even though America is missing.  I just don't understand why people don't want my work to reach America.  

The books can't get to India so that is some of my frustration, because you know what, a lot of it is about the books.  Like I worked in a bookstore and wanted to sell books.

I think I am going to share that video on my facebook page.  from the lawyer. I hope they don't discontinue me.

 Hello everyone, this is Refried. Today is June 11, Thursday. It is about 10:10 pm.  At midnight I am going to try to do some cleaning for inspection. Then at 5 am I will try to take my medicine.  Then I will get up at 11 am and clean again.  Then at 12 I will go downstairs and find Karla.  Then at 1 pm I will have a zoom meeting with my friend Kate.   Really, what do I have to do, about one hour of cleaning, a meeting at 12 and a meeting at 1. I can do it. I mean this is the night before. Really I don't have to clean at midnight but I think I will be glad if I clear the table. But I think it also pressures me to throw away stuff I want to keep.

So that is three things. I mean I could do it all at 11,12, 1, and not worry tonight about getting anything done. But I kind of think I should get something done before I sleep.

So okay, mood. I watched some of my comedy videos and I don't have an attention span for the whole thing on any of them.  The one with the blue shirt is by far the best start but really they all have their ups and downs.  So I think I need to just do the best I can Sunday.  Honestly it is not that easy, everyone.  And I am taking books to the park and it is going to be hot outside and then I go to the comedy show. But I have plenty of time.  12-2, then travel to times square area. This is my 6th show. I mean that is great. That is 30 minutes of original material. I mean some people have careers with less than that.

But I actually do have a career because of facebook.  So this is it.  This is a defining event.  But it is just a comedy show.  Just someone talking on a stage. That happens millions of times every year all over the world.  People memorize their lines and speeches.  And I have four minutes of stuff to say.  And I mostly have memorized it.  But I think that is what is bothering me a little bit, is that I feel my disability.  I truly do have a little bit of dementia.  The attention span and memory is impaired.  But I think I can use my piece of paper.  That is the best thing is to update the paper and then rehearse. I mean I could rehearse right now after I finish typing this. I just feel scrambled.  And what about all those facebook posts.  I mean honestly I could send around some old jokes all the time. Not to mention the new jokes, and some art that hasn't been sent around. But I will be honest with you, I think facebook has not maxxed out its opportunity.  I think they should have automated my page and scheduled all my memes to be running and reaching millions of people with some positive content.  And they should have monetized it and paid me abotu ten thousand dollars.  That would still be a deal for them and they would have ads on that.  But they found a way to get content to be ads too.  But still we have a good deal going and I think that they think the religion will stay pure if I am not monetized.  There is some merit to that and yet I think the jokes should really have been monetized.  I mean that is valuable work with education behind it.

Anyway does anyone have any opinions?  The issue now is that I don't have any cash and need to catch up on credit cards and deposits.

 Hello everyone. That was an interesting dream, wasn't it.  I do not know what it really means. Now it is 5:21 and I just made some potatoes.  I do not have much sour cream but I have a little bit. And I had cheese, and actually I am thinking I could use mustard or what if I made a honey mustard drizzle. I think that is what I will do. I mean what if I added barbecue sauce so it is the flavor of those restaurant sauces. I think that is what I will do in just a little while.

It is 5:23. In about an hour it will be storming here. I think we will be okay. i just had a piece of baklava and it was good. I think I am going to use the treadmill this summer.  I really think I will. I know I always say that but I think I will. I am at 205. That could be worse. But getting that next 5-7 pounds down is the main difference.

So anyway, I think I am going to watch some more of my old comedy routines.  All of them went pretty well. I hope this one goes okay.  I am not sure I have rehearsed enough but maybe I will do that also this afternoon. 

Well, that is all for now, have a good day everyone.

 Hey everyone, this is Refried. Can you believe the Knicks won? I can't believe it and feel a miracle feeling from it. Like it is so cool and a blessing on New York. I saw the score early in the game and was like well darn and then later it was 70-87 and then 90-99 and I was like wow they could win and then I check the score and it says 107-106 final and the shot that won was kind of a funny shot that I used to always try to make when I played basketball.  I mean wow it was amazing. I feel so happy from that.

I hope they win in San Antonio. I kind of am confused as to why this was not the championship but I guess I don't know how it works. I mean what do you keep having to prove you are actually better instead of just winning a game? 

Anyway I did my laundry. I also practiced my comedy routine. I think it is fine but the household name joke is an old classic that has been done before but I just feel like it fits with my routine.  But it is weird how I have flaws in every routine. But I think I am still doing pretty well. I think it is okay but I need to not get carried away and think I am pro if I have a few videos that do well. I haven't sent any around yet.  But anyway people are reminding me every day to get a haircut. I will do that soon.

I hope there are no tornadoes tomorrow. Well I just can't believe the knicks won.  I am still a harlem globe trotters fan but this is a very exciting series that warrants a lot of destructive rioting in the streets.

Well, that is all everyone. 

 hello everyone, this is Refried. it is Tuesday, June 9. Today was a busy day. I took my medicine at 5 am, then I slept until 1 pm, then I woke up and took three packages to the post office. It was a long wait and there is something wrong there.  they are trying to refuse service as much as they can and create delays. I did have some trouble getting mail but i know that at least two packages have been sent and received okay.  So I feel okay for now. I feel better after today because they did it to everyone and not just me.

After that I reviewed my comedy routine and then went to my class, with a stop at Le Pain Quotidien for a brunch food.  It was yummy.  Their lemonade is a little bit tart but still good. I think that is the last yummier than usual meal that I can afford until my next deposit and possibly until two weeks after that.  But it is okay. I should finish the oatmeal and grits that I have here. 

Anyway, everyone did well at their comedy routine.  Honestly it is hard to believe how well people do. Like people come in knowing nothing and finish with a totally legit routine.  

I switched out a joke today and I think my routine will be good.  I got good comments and it is recorded and it reminds me of when I did well in poetry school.  But it will still be a challenge to perform okay because of my disability. Both memory and attention are impacting my ability to remember my lines. Like I literally am too bored sometimes.  I can't pay attention to my jokes. But it helped to add a new joke. And it is a really freaking funny joke that I am so proud of.  My teacher is really nice and so is everyone else. It really surprises me when I get mercy from people. But a lot of people have done a lot for me in my life.  It's just that in a context of something like stand up comedy,  I really wasn't expecting the support I have had.

I took a cab to grand central this time but then I had to wait longer for the train.  That might have been to deter me from relying too much on cabs, so next time I will go to Astor place like usual.  It really was not easy but not as rough as probably tomorrow night will be when the knicks hopefully win.

Wow there are so many people who do things that I can't do and don't want to do.  But I have had my share of stuff too but just think of people going to work when they don't want to. It is a lot of people.

Anyway that was a full day.  When I got back to my neighborhood I got some milk and a sandwich at the deli, and some treats from their very extensive treat display. Like baklava, orange cupcakes, and donuts.

I think the Bridge might be escalating me but hopefully I can reverse it.  I just am supposed to be able to miss one dose of medicine.

Ok this reminds me, I did post that meme today which actually is starting to strike me as funny and not just interesting.  So I will send it around soon, maybe at 40 with the jelly beans at 60. I mean literally maybe tonight but I think I will wait until tomorrow morning.  

But yeah it is not that easy to do what I do sometimes but mostly it is not that bad, either. I just felt like that idea was a blessing.  Like it is an obvious idea, just sitting there, and God let me be the one to say it.

Well, that is all, have a good day everyone.

 ok everyone my girlfriend said we might have sold 25,000 copies of my books.  I just don't really believe it because I think there would have been a buzz from it.  Like people would say they read it and loved it.

But I think she is saying to stay hopeful and not complain. It was from a secret message.

I mean I did think we sold some and she got the money.  but it might be more secret than that.  Like possibly The Bridge got money for its constituents and me and Ravneet get nothing.

But to me it seems that I simply have only sold 3000 books.  So maybe they are saying that the next phase is the 25k. I just didn't expect some depression today but I can snap out of it if I think about it.  Just that Anne's beach trip was two weeks and mom and I both didn't know that.  But it makes sense and Elise visited mom and mom had caregivers and was okay on her own.  But she is going stir crazy now and needs to go to the grocery store.

Ok what else.  There are three things: the reminder of the missing national career, the discovery that my sister is not back in town yet in person with my mom, and the fact that my lawsuit idea isn't going to work.  I mean maybe it is better that way anyway.  But it is kind of an interesting idea. Then I was like, maybe me plus a local place, and I don't see it.  So it is another mood drop.  

I can work through these three things.  The fact that my mom is fine, Elise visited her, the book sales are secret, and the lawsuit idea doesn't concern me anyway. I mean it is kind of genius if you think about it and maybe the conspiracy was who thought about it.  Like for no one to defend me and then family members collect the cash for themselves later based on their losses that were doubled from their own hate.

Well, that is an interesting day. I am drinking a sherbet shake and will be okay. There is going to be a storm tonight. I kind of feel like I have been indoors too much but I had stuff to do.

Will I post that book today. I do not know. I think it doesn't matter. But I could be wrong, like it might be good to get it done and available.

 Pals, I was going to say something and got distracted. I was going to say something about the international mission of general christianity and how even the main church doesn't realize that the gospel is in the liberal sections also.  I mean even some of the liberals don't realize how christian they are.  So there is this powerful alternative witness.  I mean it is God being smarter than the debble and his bad people.  People are like, don't ruin the plan, don't give it away, well people should see what has been spent on their belief so that they can be okay and go to heaven.  It is a lot.  

Anyway I had another dream where I was applying for loans and saw the ai markup of what I had entered on other applications, and I called someone to say it was erroneous.  So that is interesting.

Then I woke up thinking about cash money and family and I had a good idea that I think some other people already figured out like wow I am amazed at them but if they figured it out then so did the bad people. Speaking of bad people.

I think what is also interesting about the two main camps in our country, plus the other identities like race, is that when one group has their hands tied, the other group is free in that area.  I mean that is amazing.

Well, have a good day everyone.

 Gice I don’t know why I always say when I pray. I know you are not supposed to. But I always just think people should know that I asked for stuff and then God did it. I literally asked for popularity for people and look what he did. What do we want. Popularity. And we got it!

Yay everyone, just think of our houses in heaven how each others names will be carved in the bricks. It will be great.

But I am sorry I yap about good deeds but that is my participation so maybe other people have something to answer for themself.

 I mean you have to hand it to Jesus Christ on some things because the gay or not gay thing is a theology issue and I always questioned why it was political and the theology was missing from the debate but now what you have is an international discussion and what it is going to come down to is that the atonement is the point, not the gender choices.  So I think you have to see that as one of God's strategies to help all his people and future people.  Like it is a clever outreach plan that also humbles a very high achieving society of technology people and entertainers.  

Also I was thinking about how as much as people became semi famous and public, most of the amazing phenomenons were driven by multitudes of ordinary people using things like Microsoft word, smartphones, and other things that reached everyone.  So people could make a difference while still being anonymous in humble ways.  In fact, it almost becomes a celebrity level show to maintain the every day life of a normal person in our reality show culture.  Also, something funny for me personally is how often I prayed for people's dreams to come true and a lot of people must have wanted media attention.

I mean that is really comical.  But anyway I think liberalism and evangelicalism were both successful movements, and obviously the black showing was good too.  The immigrants also did amazing things, from rich to poor, and doesn't it seem like all of those categories are now being targeted somehow, by each other or by outside oppressors? I mean I do not know, it is kind of weird. I just don't appreciate how everyone was like, this is it, and then stuff happened, and now we are in the ruins, and I kind of got left out.  But I have had my fun time with my pals from India and other countries, and yeah, I am happy with that. I am happy that it was that for me, like that was it and we had a good time.  I did pray for all those people for a long time and I mostly prayed that they would get food. 

So hopefully social media will reach China and everyone will have helped a little bit with the mission work that was engined by many of their people who came here. I mean that is right in a way. 

Anyway some people say don't say it but wow that is some interesting hypocrisy, the thought and speech police, who got proud of certain things, and then party's over. Well, that is all, have a good day everyone.

Pals, what do you think about the video stall right now?  I think it is okay. I think those videos aren't that important. I mean maybe I am even wrong to switch to videos.  But it would be fun to make some new videos. Maybe that is what I should be doing right now.  But I think if I make some videos then I will want to send them around and I can't. 

Does anyone have any opinions about that?  I think I can't get a sponsor and that is why there are missing book sales is so I can maintain housing.  I just think it is wasteful.  I mean I have felt that about the whole strategy up here to keep me disabled. Like I could have been a champion with a salary.  But people are saying no I could not have. That something would cost it all at some point so we had to plan for that.  And they felt like I was tormented and could not make it worse.  But I just feel like you don't waste a writing career over that.  

Anyway, it is starting to be light outside. Maybe I will make a sherbet shake and go sit on that bench.  I guess that is what I will do. 

I want to maybe share this blog on facebook sometime but honestly it doesn't have really good posts that are like I don't know objective, like in that zone of quality that is outside personal yapping.

Well, that is all. I wonder if people have gotten my recent book mailings. I hope so. Are you guys reading this? Have a great summer! 

 Ok the other thing is that when I think of what is missing, love and money, I think of something else from another category, which is church, like there is family, work, and church.  And when I think of that other thing I think it is "status." that is the word that came to mind.  Probably that is off in some way and yet I really was thinking that was it, like if I find it through what is missing.  And I think it is interesting that the facebook early posts were framed that way. Like that is the blessing God provided for us. 

Anyway inspection went well today. I am on okay terms with the Bridge. Maybe Ravneet will visit me soon. Maybe I will get some book sales from somewhere. I just don't understand.

Someone did buy the book "Whole Bunch of Stupid Poems."  I just sent a few copies of that to Anne Parris. I know that will be some people's first choice based on title. I just don't understand why the books have to be wasted so much. Why? I genuinely don't understand. I did my part and that should already have been good enough.  Some things are believable and some things aren't.  And it is not really believable that there are no sales whatsoever and I am not a role model instead of menace to society. That is a weird waste that has no explanation. Well we have to let all 7 billion other people succeed first.

And I think when people say, well it is because I got a conspiracy, I think there is something to that, except as I have said before, it is cruel to create an audience and then withhold a normal success path on purpose.  That is a weird bullying abuse that should not be supported by anyone.  And yet everyone is going along with this failure narrative.  I don't understand.  And then the punchline.  Because of Islam. How absolutely ridiculous.

 Hello everyone, this is Refried. I am thinking about the mean rejection from my society and was thinking about how people have sinned against God and God only so that means the wounds are his.  So what does that mean when you figure that out?  To me it seems like a very God-pleasing breakthrough but I will also say that I don’t have stigmata right now.  So maybe God sees through it a little bit. Maybe he knows I secretly just want the cash.

But those were my real thoughts and I feel like that has to be my best theology ever. I mean there is something to it, to feel insulted, and then to say actually it is Christ who is insulted. But I do not really feel a lot of supernatural feelings. Some slight peace but not that much of a verve or blush in that way like you know your mind is filled with the spirit in some way.

So that is interesting. I mean I am just sitting here.  And everyone knows my face did not look good for a few days but it is almost back to normal.

I felt the HS when I prepared the legal documents, so that is good.  And something else interesting is that the main section is from a hypergraphic seizure during the pandemic, so both law firms got something supernatural, but without exhausting me and sending me to the hospital.  So that is neat.  Also the dream with a whole bunch of church people and Ravneet in a realistic caregiving scenario.  So I do not know what it all means.  But I see a new batch of secret messages, and it is true that Clarence was the person who I concluded would be the person to go to that Trinity forum event with if it was me.  I mean last year.  So I see this mind shield that means something, and now I have to also think of all the match ups and their scenes, like which person for which fun thing.  But I can’t really figure it out that much. But Danielle was matched up with Princeton events.  So what is me and Ravneet which is actual? I think it might be the hospital but I don’t know.  Because we are not in person there.  So then I am like wait a minute, it is already the Bridge. So that is kind of weird.  I mean the Bridge does stuff a certain way and we have already established that I don’t believe in it. Except that when I first went to the Bridge I did like them at first sight in the lobby. I was like this is it. And yet it was an injustice from my school.  But still an exact match from a whole page of description. And yet there were zaps from losers.  What jerks sometimes, but some really nice people too who didn’t have to be nice.  And then the Indian restaurant.  The treat of the day.  And then Ravneet is my person.

Well, that is enough for a post, I guess. I think I will write more soon.

 Hello everyone, today is Saturday, June 6.  I slept really well from about 1 pm- midnight.  Isn't that crazy? I had dreams that included a lot of people and my girlfriend was driving me down a highway in my hometown only it was me driving and then the road turned grassy and there were horses and we stopped at this place that was going to take us to the hospital.

So that is interesting.  I am glad I got a lot of sleep.  Now it is 3 am and I am just typing and perusing facebook and my book page for amazon.  I feel frustrated by no book sales.  It really hurts me and I don't understand.  I don't understand my missing career and how I am left out of a lot of public discussions.

You all really hurt me and I will never get over it and in heaven I will have a completely different society.  

Anyway hopefully that mood will pass and I will find something else to do.  I actually have another book to publish. It is interesting. It is all the questionable sections of my book combined. But I kind of think I should wait until I hear back from the person I sent the documents to and yet I also think why not go ahead and post it.  I mean it just doesn't matter as far as I know.

I think I might read Poncheesy soon. 

Did anyone like my facebook meme about adding trump to tv shows through ai? I thought it was kind of funny.  But I mean who cares.

So I guess maybe publish that book soon.

 It is 12:07. I think Karla likes for me to go downstairs and ask her to do inspection but I think that is really not right and part of her new pattern that makes me have to worry about being tortured again.

If this is not good enough for her I am going to tell her I feel tortured again. I mean I might do a grievance today for that matter. And say it is already too late and I am living under emotional abuse again. People getting away with exactly as much as they can.

Some of this could be part of their power play on my comedy.  The way they always used to make me feel bad on that day before. To mess up my class and ruin anything good that happens.

I saw Clarence at the post office today. Possibly he is following me for legal reasons. It just feels like the racist network again.  Probably someone thinks my medicine is too low.  But I am happy on it. If people try to change it they will be sued.

 Ok everyone, this is Refried. I just emailed a certain document. I went ahead and sent the worst issues.  I do not know if I emphasized that enough that this was the questionable stuff.

I will be sad if I lose these people but I feel that I did the right thing and did not hide anything.

There was that one project I did not include but I mean why do that, I think it is not necessary.

So anyway, I mean was I right, was I wrong, have I showed that escalation article to too many people?  Possibly that is what lost me the other case.  And yet I just feel like it is relevant.  For one thing, that is my life now, and where are the book sales and insurance? And I think that these lawyers need to see that other case in the background.  

So I think what I sent was very representative.  And you know what, if I get advised to change something, I might just change it.  I might take out a few poems.  And yet shouldn't I be able to.  Should I have included that poem about the secret shopper? And the CVS poem? I just felt like keeping some stuff as my problem.

So that was interesting.  And I had a good trip to the post office. I mailed four things. I talked to Ron and I hope it is okay. Gice, schizophrenia comes with some challenges that feel different from the olden days where I had to mainly prevent mania while feeling like total crap all the time.  The participation in life is really hard as someone with true status as mentally disabled.  It is just not easy.  

But anyway that is a productive day so far.  I need to finish cleaning and take my medicine.  If Karla is not satisfied then I am going to complain to grievances.  But Karla said not to complain to grievances but that is the whole point.  She said come to her directly but she knows I need to not be tortured about cleaning.

I did a lot so far.  I think the next thing is make the bed, put the candy on the table into a bag or box.  But I don't want to waste it. Ok I see a box for it. And then go tidy the books. So that is three things. I will do that at 11 am in twenty minutes.

 Hello everyone, I took out a trash bag and addressed three packages so I have four ready to send. I think that is enough for today. I found two other addresses: the delaware autism person and all recipes.  So I will try to do that but now we are down to possibly library and art mart instead of joke and creature. And after that, three notions and three pinnacle. I do still like giving those books but it has to be the right situation.

Anyway it is 7:15.  Some of the table is clear. I found a different credit card offer for 400 but I think it is expired.  Also maybe not necessary.  And yet it would be ending on a good note after that other bummer.

So anyway okay. Does anyone have any thoughts? I think that I can email the documents at any time. I feel the HS as I say that. I just think it is ready enough for them to get the gist of the problems and the extreme examples.  And I think the thing I left out, those case forms, that is on me.  I mean it is all on me.  But this still obviously matters to me, is how it rolls through a lawyer review.

Are too many of my cards on the table right now? I mean should I not be typing on this blog? Well I mean I kind of felt like the bad people backed off after that settlement process. Like how I could see that criminal fight disappear and there is a cool mil just sitting there.

There is a mosquito in my room.  Why is that and how? I wonder if that was the noise I heard last night. I heard something like a lamb crying but it was quieter.  It could be a seagull.  I don't think it was a groundhog. It sounded like it was outside. But maybe it was a mosquito buzzing. I don't think it was like hearing things like an audio vision.  

Maybe an animal in the dumpster.  So anyway, the son servants books are packed.  They are not that big of a deal.  Just a few books, a joke, library, art, creature, and grace-ism.

Anne P is getting a library book in addition to the class set. I mean maybe she can give some to teacher friends if she does not want any or isn't going to do a classroom extravaganza.

Pals, did I ever send Debra a message?  Debra is a Borders pal and she knows that some bookstore mayhem is happening. 

Pals, do you gice think I should really try to be a good comedian and have reliable videos? I bet Ben would let me try again at another class show if I did not get a good video one time.

Well, I think this will be a good and productive day but don't forget that I need to take my medicine as soon as my room is done for inspection. So what is left, table, counter, make bed, sweep, clothes in cart.

I think the Bridge should give me free rent for a month in celebration of my inspection efforts this year.

 Hello everyone, it is 6:22 on Friday morning.  I will soon prepare for inspection. I got some of it done yesterday. I think I should do the table since Karla said that is what she thought should be done. But I did that corner so maybe it doesn't have to be perfect. That might have been a power play because she knew I would do the corner and if she said table then what I did would not be good enough.  

But I guess that is the next step is to do the table and then the other stuff won't matter as much.  I can do it.  Just put the candy in a container, put the papers in the trash, put the books on the shelf, and clear most of the other stuff in the trash. When will I get that done? I am thinking 9 am.

So what else is left: the joke book and art book for C. Lampkin, facebook buddy.  I have her address. Also does that mean that there are other addresses for facebook buddies on their pages? Hmm. I will check that.

I think Delgado will not get their books yet.  I need to add some horizon cows so there are enough for all the people on their website. It is only like ten-twelve people. So there is no need to leave anyone out.

I have the address for son servants.  So I can mail that. I feel bad about the timing but this is how it worked out and I think they do keep their office staffed as a headquarters during the summer.

I need to do a library book for Anne Parris. It will be a separate envelope. I think I will address those three packages at 8 am.  Then I will go to the post office in the afternoon. 

Pals, sometimes when people indicate that certain things are not a game, I feel that actually some things should be a game and I wonder what the stressor is about it. And yet honestly I do feel that all this stuff I am doing is pretty important right now.

Do you guys like the new meme? I think it is kind of funny. Not the most hilarious but still pretty good.

Well, that is all for now.  I don't really feel like cleaning yet but inspection is not until 12.  

 Hello everyone. This is Refried. I just went to a really good support group. I talked to nice people and everyone cared and stayed the whole time. This afternoon I compiled some documents and I am going to send them soon to some people but I will review it myself in a while. 

I mean I could send it overnight but I am not. I am waiting until at least tomorrow. I think it is okay that my timing does not match what I said it would be.  That I am doing stuff faster. I think it is okay.

The other thing to do is to get the books ready to send A.P. I think I will do one of the class sets but will I include more repeats? I mean I do not know. I think she was nice and said anything is great.  So I will try for what is ideal.

The other thing is was I wrong to cancel on the autism day? I did not check the exact times. It is possible I could have done both things but I actually have three things scheduled that day.  So I felt I needed to cancel one thing but offer a stack of books if they want some. I mean I do not know. 

Some people I miss are Melissa and Shekanah.  I let Melissa down because I went to give that Elizabeth person a book and then left right when I had been talking to Melissa and that might have been the last straw.  But I do the best I can. I really have some faults and foibles. 

I feel like the pride parade could be emotional and dramatic this year because of persecution but I just don't go to crowded things.  So I am sorry to not help out. I just don't feel that activism oriented and think the people who really need help with it would actually react to a different approach from me than the northern campaign.

Anyway ups and downs live and learn hits and misses. Speaking of miss, I miss shannon, is she mad.

Shannon, are you mad at me because our group didn't go well a couple of times. Sorry about that.

Well, have a good day everyone. I mean I think I skipped once and that could be part of it is less people.

 Hello everyone, this is Refried. I had interesting dreams last night.  There was a boardwalk built across an area near a shopping center and I was trying to walk and run to the stores and restaurants and then it started snowing and the cops tried to help me and then I bought some toys and candy from a carnival.  And it was just a weird scenario but anyway now it is 2:40. I just did a wheel and deal and hopefully am all set about something.

I can't tell if the payments actually go through but I will see it on my cards soon enough. I mean do they run it through themselves afterwards?  There just wasn't a pause while the computer "thinks."

So anyway now it is time to assemble some documents and weirdly I have a lot to tell them. I mean if I list my concerns with no samples, that is a lot itself.  But I think that I know what to send. I mean funnily there is plenty. I can't send all of it.

I mean should I work on the document stuff now? I kind of think wait until this weekend and not rush these people like I did with the payment.

Also I think I need to get these books together.  It is almost three so maybe I won't go to the post office until tomorrow.

So what are the real issues. I think that cleaning that corner was an important thing that I got done.  I still have some work to do on it but inspection is tomorrow.  So tomorrow is inspection and then the post office. I mean maybe I can slow down and not freak out.

Ok I know what is next: email the autism people because of the comedy show.

 Hello everyone, this is Refried. Today is Thursday, June 4. It is about 2 am.  I will probably take my medicine at about 5 am.  I think I unexpectedly have a full day tomorrow.  Just the usual writing stuff, getting some packages ready to mail, possibly assembling some important documents, and maybe doing a transaction.  I kind of feel like get it settled if I can.

It is weird that I wondered if I had books but not addresses but actually I can all of a sudden think of four recipients, not including the two I have already assembled and the possible autism drop.

I felt sad earlier because one of those credit cards that doesn't turn anyone down turned me down because I had just inquired too recently from the same place and been accepted for a different one.  So maybe that was a mistake but I do not know. I think it is good for me to hit a limit and know I am done for now.

And I think I am okay for this month and can get the thing in question done tomorrow.

So anyway I also read about something so horrible and wow it affected my mood but sometimes that is good for prayer but wow it was too sad.

But anyway this weekend I need to put together some writing and it is forming in my mind a little bit. 

Today I read through rude surprise, funny funny haha, and soul blood.  They are good enough books for sure.  Definitely some of the earlier stuff was funnier, but some of these recent poems are nice.

I hear some thunder outside. It is nice. I do not know if it is raining. Maybe it is. Or maybe it is a truck outside. I hope things get better soon for a lot of people. As much as things have seemed bad, we don't know what is going to happen and maybe these past rough phases will be over.

 Hello everyone, this is Refried. It is Wednesday, June 3. I just walked to the store. I was not going to get food there but they had good stuff so I got some sauce and noodles and potatoes and more sauce.  I think it was about 2 miles.  I think I am doing about two miles a day now.  I feel okay about my medicine and need to keep it this way.  So far this is about four months with the right medicine.  Maybe only three and I need to take it every day and keep it this way.

So the food situation is good but my cash banks are kind of low.  However I think it will be okay. I told my therapist all my delusions about literary status and I am very happy for her to be able to get that out of me. I mean I told her all of it. I think people know that I have fatigue about some stuff. Like I can't do all this again.

Maybe that is what I will do for a while now is read through some books and think about if I think they are good or not. I mean do we have some decoy books that aren't good?  Pretty funny!!

Who else do I need to call. Maybe Justin. Maybe Jay. I think people have let me know that some phases are over. 

Are people proud of me for taking a walk? I mean think about this year. That is an improvement.

Well, have a good day everyone.

 Hello everyone, this is Refried. It is Wednesday, June 3. I just had therapy a while ago and I can feel it working in my brain.  But I took my medicine only 5 hours ago so I also feel that hampering the effect.  But mostly I feel good and am thankful. I got to all the issues.  The only question is whether the meter is okay on that poem. I think mostly it is okay. I thought I would only have 30k views total but it is mostly India and will be about 600k views, which I did not expect. I think that means that my numbers have officially been adjusted to one per one instead of 50 percent of that. So I should not waste it. But I do not have a budget to do videos.  And I think for some reason I am able to accept that more than I had been able to before with the other posts.  And yet maybe not give up too soon. Maybe I can find a sponsor or something. Or who knows, maybe things will finally turn around with the books.

The one per one is a million per hundred. I mean that is awesome. That is 10 thousand per dollar. I mean what other value compares to that?

So anyway that is a good boost and surprise.  And yet I was trying to get some american audience but I guess that will be a different boost sometime.

I am not going to the post office today but maybe tomorrow.

Maybe a walk later. I will check the weather.

Well, have a good day everyone.

 Hello everyone, I just woke up. I had a cocky dream from mascot days where I unexpectedly had to be cocky at a game.  It was kind of rough but okay.  Now it is 1:30 and I go to comedy class at 4:30.  I saw that our class show is on June 14 and I have two other things scheduled that day. So I need to figure out what to do. I might be able to be in a different class's show. 

I am leaving here to go to comedy class probably at about 4:30. There was a snafu with the peanut sauce spilling in the bag of thai food but it is okay. 

Gice there is something in the works and I agree with myself about it.  It is not that easy but I think it is the right path. I just have to wait on some emails. But then I have a little bit of work to do.

Pals, life is weird, isn't it. Definitely the heritage poem also soon, but maybe just to India. I mean if the people in India really can read the poems and like it, then why not go with that. I wish they could get the books. I do not know how to make that happen. I mean find a publisher? I do not know. 

 Hello everyone, this is Refried. I just had some weird dreams but it could be from the spicy food. Soon I need to take my medicine. I should do that right now, shouldn't I. I think I will and then go back to sleep.

Do you gice like my new poem? I think it is one of my best poems.  But that heritage poem is good too. Maybe I will send that one around soon, too.  I mean I do not know if the poems reach enough people in America but even 5000 total with what, 300-400 actual readers, I mean that is better than nothing. You think of an open mic, which would be about thirty people.

Gice I have a facebook friend who is a meme-ster: I'm awesomesauce.  I am happy about that. Psychotic Delusions is also my friend probably still.  

Pals am I revving up this jokes page again? Maybe with some poems? I mean maybe.

Pals, the new card. What to do, i will find out today. If I don't hear back then it is facebook money for now.  One round of videos, ten mil, getting close to the 200 mil goal.

Gice it feels good to reach the jokes crowd in India. They make me feel better. They are nice and say nice things.  God is going to give them a lot of stuff. I have to see that as my main purpose to pray. I don't know if some people see that more than I do. I mean I just feel like in some ways it is rude for people to only shove me more towards that and ignore my other efforts. But at the same time. I mean let's get the cash, I do agree with that.

Well, that is all. have a good day everyone.

 Hello everyone, my church knows I bought Thai food instead of tithing. Well it is not over yet. I could still tithe but I donated to some mental health people.

I just think one of my old churches that could have supported my page didn’t and may think I did not tithe enough there but when my salary was 12k a year for ten years I mostly gave to world vision. And I won’t be considered a non tither for it. And they are too glad that I am gay so they can tell themselves my India posts aren’t worth anything and don’t count. A lot of people would have gotten a salary for it. Imagine that. 30 or 40k a year and no one would so much as give me 150 dollars to reach a million people. Well my friend Jay did and now he owns the rights to a hundred books. To be split of course among the others, some of which might have already done their thing.

Anyway that is one of the worst things about the swindle is how the church people who thought I wasn’t doing right say haha we knew it. I just feel that whoever decided certain things really wasted something great.

Anyway here I am once again saying oh well there is always heaven. 

I thought of an idea for a poem.

 Hello everyone, I need to practice my comedy routine. It is Monday, June 1. I emailed someoen today to see if they want some books and at first I typed in the wrong email so it bounced back and I thought I was blocked.  But then I saw that I had just typed the wrong email. So I re sent it and I think it will be okay. I mean who knows if they want books. The timing is kind of not ideal.  Because these people do summer work that is overseas. So I mean who knows.

The weather outside today is the best ever. I should take a walk but I want to go to a nami group. Then I have my writers group and I do not know what I will write but I think I will do one of the prompts.

I kind of have felt some lostness in recent days, like not knowing what to do with myself etc. But I think just continue with the normal stuff. Maybe try to attend more autism stuff. I kind of want to do a mental health program somewhere. I might see if there is one on this campus that I can do but everyone might hate me but we do not know.

I think some people know I have been bullied at the post office for a long time now but to me when I actually can't get my mail is when I have to report it.

Anyway I am going to probably work at the judgement day game show program in heaven and it will be fun and I just need to keep that in sight and not give up and not be overly depressed and mad.

Maybe I will read some books or something for a while. I think I will try to memorize my comedy routine for tomorrow.

 Hello everyone, this is Refried. It is 5:30 am on Monday. I got some sleep and took my medicine and soon I will probably sleep some more. I was just reviewing my list of given books and I am at about 2850 plus maybe 300-400 that for some reason did not get recorded. So it is about 3000 which is a career. 

But I think it is wasteful to not keep distributing. I am sad that I am not more successful and don't have a name that reaches more into lasting literary resources. I think I delivered on that level and was wronged in some way. But I also think that heaven is not that far away and I can look forward to better results then someday.  Maybe with the same books. I have said that before. You just think it won't be you who gets the injustice, but it has been me enough about other things that I should have expected it more.  But at least I passed the time doing something meaningful to me.

I am also sad right not to be repelled by post office problems.  I need to order some more thin books and mail out about three main packages to people. I do not know when I will do that but I might wait a couple of days. Today is June 1st. 

My old facebook ad account has now disappeared so there are about 23 million impressions that I have no record of.  Plus the organic on that.  So I mean that is weird but maybe that is the point is that I already had this whole career for five years and that was that. But I think I might try to reach two hundred million and yet I am not sure the videos are that meaningful.

Anyway I think I need to express sometime on facebook that I think the conspiracy has been cruel to me.

I mean should I finish up with this book hobby. And say that is that. And do something else. I just am not sure there is anything else that I can do. Except maybe walk more. I mean I guess keep giving books but some people say people have enough books. Well maybe that is true.

I mean just for people to damage my health and then say it was all a beauty contest. Have fun with that in front of all of humanity. People say, they will all fall for it then, too. I just am not sure that is true.

It is weird that I did not get the social justice people but maybe they were meant to have a blind spot.