Ok everyone, I just looked up the exact date for literature event and did not see the names of the people I had in mind. RG, Esme W, T'nahesi, JH, and maybe one or two who I am forgetting. All of those I personally think could be twofers. But that is based on my own habit of conflation. Also I am reminded that I feel like we are in a flourishing time period of literature, or are completing one, and it could be good to have multiple winners for some of these big time awards. Like maybe five or so for each one. You think it would diminish it but maybe not. 

For this one, based on the list I just saw, I have to enthusiastically cast my vote for JK Rowling. And then say something so rude, which is that it would happily be for something that was "actually creative."  I really mean that as a genre label, but I think sometimes the genres that seem less strictly philosophical actually get underestimated. People are mad now because I implied that their books were one dimensional, but sorry, I just really like high concept literature.

So okay. I do not feel tortured by this topic. I feel like a normal writer who tries to be successful with various amounts of failure and greed mixed in.  I have to congratulate all the mental health people who helped me. Because this is a positive mental place to be and I am thankful. It took a lot of work from everyone. When I am a euthanasia client in NYC, it will be from avoiding medical pain and not from life despair.

 Hello everyone, this is Refried. I am going to take my medicine soon. I can't remember what all I have been thinking about but the most recent stuff is that it is Nobel Prize season.  Definitely when I wrote Horizon Cow, I saw a certain possible path, but things were shut down about ten steps ahead of any kind of contender status. One of my main interests was the evangelism opportunity of sharing christian humor with a more secular audience. I do not know how many people shared that goal and are actually sad to see such reinforcement of division instead. 

I feel very satisfied with the opportunities that did happen in that regard. I feel that people in India were nice to me and accepted a lot of my work very cheerfully. And that does heal my soul a lot.  And life in New York has had some consoling aspects to it, though I have to say I do still feel the loss here. 

I also feel able to see things as God's plan more, though I think some people have an erroneous view of this, where they gleefully think that God disqualified me from having a public career because he saw something unworthy in my heart. To me it is a really difficult thing to discern, but mainly I think the issue is that if that were the case, he probably wouldn't use torture as his main tool to prevent some kind of honorable life. And torture is what clearly happened and became a permanent health condition for me. Really, that is more likely to be from a darker, life opposing side of things. Possibly it is a higher honor to be identified by evil as a worthy target.  But really that happened very early on and was horrifically clear for about five years in my twenties.  I mean I do not know if any of us had ever seen a more clear Satanic assault on a mostly normal person.

Definitely a lot of people have been fooled by my circumstances, and many people hate me when I suggest that there is something conspicuously missing, which is any one of my five careers I qualified for. But I have to say that I believe what is missing is in fact, conspicuous. It is on the table in front of everyone, either to be recognized or denied.  And as people realize it and feel embarrassed, just know that you actually are also one of the crime victims from certain institutions that took their stand against me for whatever mysterious reason that I still don't know. The crime that happened did target millions of people who would have benefited socially and spiritually from some funny poems that share faith.  So you were in fact, wronged, but it is not by me. It was a very valuable thing that was ruined, which had the investment of multiple thoughtful communities, as well as the literary value of the work itself.  So actually it was a lot of people swindled, and possibly the whole "general public" of America. But there is something else that is as weird to figure out as why God would have a plan that involves a missing readership for funny books.  And that is that I kind of do feel that the people most hurt are the people who have chosen to bully me in front of the smaller remaining conspiracy.  You were caught in your racism and you lost my respect as well, which is actually something cool, whether you realize that or not. I think some people knew it when it was happening and armed themselves with lawyers who made my life a living hell. Well that choice, too, is why I have to question my guess that God does not use torture to achieve his true purposes. Because wow you're all a bunch of child abusers who deserve to be humiliated.

 Hello everyone, the air conditioning is back on.  I feel a lot better and I am relieved to not have the social bad feelings from it for too long, too.  Because after a while it can hurt your mental health to feel persecuted and disrespected on certain levels.

I think I was a little heavy handed with calling Karla a liar but that is the pattern is to lie to my face, like that is being used as a deliberate tool of abuse and I do think it was a bad choice that shapes a permanent reputation that could have been different.  I myself have stuff like that, too, which brings me to my next topic.  

The topic is that I got some conspiracy rewards, possibly for taking the train downtown more often, or for having a surprisingly good attitude about the shuttle busses last night.  So one of the rewards is that people gave me an idea for a new book.  And I don't know if they thought about it as much as me, but I think it is a possible project.  

So here it is.  I think I would use ai for it in an unprecedented way as compared to my other work.  In fact, now that I think about it, maybe instead of a novel it should be a story and I shouldn't use ai.  Okay I think it will be a story and that will keep me from being as inappropriate with it.  

Ok so here is the idea.  It is a suspense thriller genre where a female FBI agent becomes a stripper to bust a trafficking ring.  Maybe just do a drug ring so it won't be about a sad topic that no one should get fun from.  Okay so a drug ring and that is a somewhat predictable plot and a certain genre.  And it will be like really appealing in an irresistable way, and then maybe the thing that makes it more literary is to have a family of groundhogs that lives in the corners of the bar part of the club or something, and they do some kind of service for people's angel animals who are all a little depressed because their assigned humans are going to a strip club too often.  Okay so I will maybe work on that. It might be a little stuffy like my other clean teen YA work. I mean I do not want to tempt anyone to actually go to a place like that but I think reminding people of reading opportunities is not a bad idea.  Like reading is a good compromise for that kind of stuff.  Reading is kind of a good habit and certain stuff is a bad habit so the two things kind of cancel each other out. I mean this post by itself might be enough entertainment.

Which I feel is actually a sign of justice and the consequences of abuse. You will find yourself called out if you do not sincerely repent. So anyway this brings us to another thing which is how I did consistently get punished for denouncing lying. Like every time I ever say something about it, people think I am the religious person who should get put in my place.  Meanwhile they want me to flog myself for all historical racism.  But if I take any stand against lying, even in a five page social work paper, then someone sees to it that I am tripped up on purpose so I seem like a hypocrit.  Well I am not a hypocrit, and it is a sign of an ethics problem when actual virtue is not supported by a profession, and instead replaced by political agendas meant to repel some groups from working in a main career field.

 Hello everyone. I just walked to the grocery store to stock up on coffee. It was a successful trip but the construction people had left no path to keep walking down the street and the unfortunately blocked the way on both sides of the street.  Even one side is illegal so I reported them.  It was a good report but they might fix it before they are discovered.

I had to do another report for abuse because of the air conditioning. I think that my prior report to OMH should have been enough but I think OMH is allowing it.  So the next step is legal aid and to confront all three places if the law is in fact broken six times since my initial report two years ago. Which I believe it has been broken.  And I think everyone's choice to disregard the autism factor isn't going to help them.

I think I should have added one more fact to the report which is that Karla's go-to defense is lying.  She lies a lot.  I feel bad for her.  She is going to double down on it and do it more as a way of not backing down.  But I feel bad for her because it is pretty bad leadership and honestly it is bad for even the lowest jobs in society. Like how shameful that no one taught you not to lie and then you never figured it out yourself as an adult and think it is okay to do in mental health work with clients. People think this is cruel of me.  They will try to catch me in a lie to put me in my place. Really I do pretty well and I feel bad for that social work practice too.  They tried it in social work school and honestly I think it was abuse that made me feel bad for many years.  The scenario they created to try to trap me.  They just don't feel God's gaze on them and think they will never answer for it.  How sad for them.  I mean what do you do for a living. Aiding and abetting criminals with your own sins mixed in.