Hopefully I can reverse the escalation. I actually haven’t missed a dose of medicine since Wednesday morning. So I think I am at five days in a row and they should not be escalating me even by their warped bullcrap standards.

I do not respect them for this. I have stuff to do this week and don’t need to be brimming with anger. But hopefully I will think of a few more videos and it will be worth it.

In fifteen minutes I have my online Bible study. I am planning to go and I think it will help.

I think my Facebook posts are okay. I think people are really hesitant about the gerbil post but it is okay and I am glad I posted it.

I did not practice comedy today but probably will later.

I have to repeat that I disagree with the conspiracy’s cruel management of my books. It is mean and hurt me and everyone in my life.

 Ok I do kind of feel like crap and I figured out it is from inspection not going well and that has nothing to do with inspection but is because I missed two doses of medicine but not in a row of course. But really one just got postponed so I think I only missed one dose. And this is because I had to be somewhere on time one day and my sleep schedule is messed up because the bridge tortured me and ruined my life. So now we are in slur land and I will need to make some videos for my bully chronicles page. It also makes me think of lost friends and that is also too bad. So I need to maybe socialize a little differently and get back to phoning some friends again.

Anyway I decided to make some coffee here and I might not walk to Starbucks. I will try to call Philip soon. He might be mad at me.

 Hello everyone, I have not checked on the gerbil post recently but I did just go online and my other post is doing okay. I mean ups and downs live and learn. I am happy because I am going to be able to send an assortment of thin books soon, plus the autism event. I actually might need to order ten or fifteen extra.

Anyway I just saw a video that is funnier than my stuff but it doesn't mean to waste my jokes, either. 

I made a taco dip that is really yummy.  I can't remember if I drank coffee. I am now going to attend online church but I am late. I don't know why but I think I missed it because I took medicine. I had a weird half dreams. 

I don't plan to unpost the gerbil post. I think it is funny.

People can hate me if thy want, it is fine. I have had a lot of friends and things come and go in life. You just don't know what things will get messed up and what things will last sometimes.

I think I should fix another coffee. Or maybe walk to starbucks. Hmm I am thinking walk to starbucks. But in an hour or so probably.

Well, have a good day everyone. I might end up sleeping because of the medicine.

 hello everyone, soon it is time to take my medicine. I boosted the gerbil post and feel good about it.  As for the other post, I think it is okay. I wanted to make that "distribute the book to every man, woman, and child," joke, but the book does have something inappropriate for children in it.  But you can tell by the reading level that like it isn't a picture book. And I say it has legal documents.

I just wonder because I saw a children's social work post on linked in and sometimes that happens if agencies check on you. And I don't know who are my real friends from social work school.  

So anyway, that is the kind of stuff that happens as years go by and the original books haven't reached people. But I think it was assessed that I might not live long after the books reach people.

Some people get celebrated and some people don't.  I am not as impressed by some things as I once was. I think some younger people will see through some things that meant something for a while.

Anyway does anyone have any opinions? Ravneet is the one who suggested to do a black and white photo.

I remembered the thing I needed to do today: rehearse the comedy show.

Does anyone have any thoughts about my book? I would be curious to know who agrees with certain decisions.  I just think I did get it right but why why why. I mean I have to say that, why. 

I think it has to do with prophecy. Like you keep it clean and then you tap into the truly offensive. kind of like wisdom and foolishness.

Gice what do you think about the Kansas song "dust in the wind." It seems that it will stand the test of time, which is kind of ironic.

Well have a good day, everyone.

 Hello everyone, this is Refried. I posted a couple of posts. I think they were good posts. I think there is some stuff on the news that I am missing.

I can mail my next two packages from another post office if my post office does not send them.

I do want to mail the next packages. I felt renewed strength this afternoon and easily chose what to put in each box. So next is a phone call. I mean I could send a message tomorrow on facebook but I think I will wait until Monday.

After that I think I will try to send birthday presents and a graduation present for my nieces. I think I will send some of those wooden animals from 59th street. 

Some people are very persecuted right now. I am doing ok as compared to the past few years. It is just hard for me to tell whether this is a storm that will pass or if it is some kind of severe assault that no one will escape unscathed.

 Hello everyone. I went to the post office and got my package. It went fine. I wanted to talk to Ron but had to wait because a worker was being observed. 

I am sad that the worker might get in trouble but I did report very serious delays and deliberate impediment of getting mail.

So anyway then I went to McDonalds and I should have given this homeless guy half my nuggets and I ate too much. But at least he got the rest of the orange drink.

I think I will drink coffee later even though I did have an ice coffee. I think in two hours I will have another coffee.

I took an iron pill last night and feel better. I slept a lot and had dreams that were interesting. The dreams seemed normal to me and not supernatural.

I felt upset last night and triggered about the writing career. I think because the books did not look good on the Amazon site and because I was not able to get the books at the post office. But actually I am also a little stumped about mailouts. I don’t know who wants a book and it is hard to ask when I have already sent messages to hundreds of people.

Anyway I am wondering if PFR is next. Like should I send a message to Danny Dotson.

Well I hope I am not out of joke books by then.

Ok everyone have a good day.

 Hello everyone, this is Refried. Today is Friday, May 29. I passed inspection but not enthusiastically and I think it should have been more recognized as really well done. I also went to the post office twice and was not able to get my package even though amazon said it was delivered. I am having some serious problems at this post office and I think they are trying to find ways to do refusal to serve.  If I don't get the books tomorrow, I am going to go to the police station about it. Possibly some stuff I mailed was also sent late but I don't know.

This could be a re enactment of the barnes and noble case but I am a little bit tired of that, everyone.  Where is my writing career? Where are the book sales?  This game is cruel and there are millions of people who I don't respect.  And it is a loss for them. Pretty severe for some people, and if you are reading this, your case is against Barnes and Noble. Are people waiting for me to say "also NYU?" I could have handled NYU's injustice much better if my patience had not been destroyed by more criminal abuse.

It is weird to have these post office problems. I do not know what to do. But I think it might be kind of simple. Like you just report it and they fix it. I mean is it happening at all the post offices? Is it "nonviolent resistance?" Well how inspiring and historic. I guess the paycheck part is what confuses me.

Anyway it is bothering me right now also because amazon changed the design of their page and the books don't look as good and I think they know that and did it for some reason involving their own power.

But possibly it is time to accept a career that is over. It was what it was and I will get the missing readership in heaven.  Sometimes when I think of that I don't feel like starting over, but that might be the point, is that the books will be popular there as is, and might already be.

I actually could stand up to the conspiracy and unpublish everything. And say time is up for everyone. I mean was the goal for me to see that everyone just wants my money? I do not think that was always true.

 Hello everyone. My next batch of books is to Delgado. Interestingly, a lot of the things books I have on hand are going to go to the autism event again. And there will be some different titles. They were so nice to me to accept me again at their event and I won’t mess it up. I will also be logging on to a writers retreat online that weekend.

I just ate some stoufferd turkey tetrazzini. I love that stuff. I also like the barbecue chicken and cheesy potato bake but I did not see that as a choice on the store list.

Gice some people do not have the food they need. But I think there will be motivation to help them.

I feel like some of the network problems might be happening again. I don’t know what to think about it but so far Karla is nice to me and that is the main thing needed. I just couldn’t tell if the post office people are ganging up on me. I don’t order that much there and they have been getting it wrong every time and it seems like it is on purpose.

I just got an email from my therapist. She was sick this week. I hope she feels better soon. Both emails came right during the time that I was supposed to take my medicine and waited. But I feel fine. My medicine is okay.

I wish I had my new book here. I might re order it.

I should do that now.

 

Hey everyone I am trying to decide if this meme is good enough to post. Do you guys think this is inappropriate? I always found gerbil jokes to be kind of innocent and funny. I think I will post it to my facebook page and see what people think.

 Hello everyone. I just mailed some books. Ten books total, seven joke books. I am glad to do that, it makes me feel some purpose. Next up is Delgado but I am waiting for my new credit card to get here. But who knows, maybe I will know what to send later today.

So ok, that went well. Now I am an hour and a half away from inspection. Left to do is finish dishes, counter, sweep and mop, clear table. That is a lot but I think I can wait thirty minutes to get it done.

Ok for two dishes do the pot and pan on the chair and that will count as clearing the chair.

Gice cleaning is not easy.

Gice my new book wasn’t at the post office yet. So I might go back later. I just don’t think I can get Delgado’s books ready by then.

So ok. Wash three dishes. Wipe down counter. That will take five minutes. Then sweep and mop.

Gice any thoughts about life and books? I just feel like it is good to be thankful for each day.

 Hello everyone, this is Refried. It is almost 8 am on Friday. I did a load of laundry and took out some trash. I have about five chores left and I will be ready for inspection. Then I will probably go to the post office and mail some books. It is possible I will get the packages ready before inspection. Like at 9:30. I don’t have the right sized boxes but it will be okay. 

Some of these books might go faster than I realize.

I felt bored earlier and really still feel like the facebook feed of bad news instead of friends posts is one of the most harmful things that has happened in our country and world in the past decade. And people think I am shallow but I think a lot of the other problems are because of that.

There is some major protesting happening against ICE and I kind of am in admiration but kind of think I feel pretty sure about that stuff being something I have no control over whatsoever.

I am not sure how I feel about my sleep schedule still being messed up. I think the main thing to do is try to take some walks and see how things improve.

Well, that is all for now. Have a good day, everyone.

 Hello everyone, this is Refried. I just went to a support group and wow it was great. I was really stumped on people's problems but the other members had amazing ideas. So that is neat and I feel good afterwards.  I am waiting for a guy to do his laundry. Then later I will go do one load.

I took a nap this afternoon and in the dream was cleaning and packing for something and did so well at it that I was sorry it was a dream.  But now I feel rested. I was scared my apartment building was going to disappear. But I think it is okay. They just need to hire more staff. It could be that this recent year or so with all nice people will be over. But two of those people are in charge now. I will miss the person named Linda.  Also Delores is one of the nicest people I have ever met and she is the night person which is when I am awake. I just now said hello to Tonya and I think she is nice and won't torture me.

Gice the instacart order was expensive today but I added two new ingredients to the orange fluff salad: coconut flakes and maraschino cherries.  So that is good. But I did not have cottage cheese.

Next is the taco dip. I got some aluminum pans.  So that is also good.  And the milk. Gice medicine is not  a game. That is why Tonya was a little bit stern.

Gice I didn't do that well today but ups and downs live and learn.

Gice maybe tonight I will pack up some joke books for some lawyers. Then maybe go through some friends lists to see who would want a library book. There could be some vermont people. maybe on linked in. Don't forget patrick. The reason I forgot him was because of linked in.

Tomorrow is inspection. I believe I will do okay. I got some trash bags. I need to walk more. Tomorrow I am going to try to go pick up the new book. Gice, any thoughts?

Gice do you think Montifiore will let me be in the program that meets near me? Is it mental health groups? I might inquire.

Ravneet sent me some messages.  She is doing well. Ravneet loves me and is going to make some food for me sometime. Hopefully some vegetables with cream sauce.

Well, that is all. Have a good day everyone.

 Hello everyone. This is Refried. It is 2:15 on Thursday. I just received an Instacart order and am going to make a taco dip and ambrosia salad. I also got some trash bags and detergent for inspection. 

I got worried today because my building needs more staff and I got worried that they would suddenly close it. But I think we will be okay. I am glad I am not taking any trips in June. Also the hole in the fence is back so I can more easily go to the post office.

I don’t know what my plan for giving away books is. I might just try to have some on hand. I think the joke books will disappear by next week.

My mood is kind of low today but I think some of it is from low iron again. However I took an iron pill last night and think I will be okay.

I think that soon I will make the stuff from the groceries. Then later I will try to do laundry. Maybe late at night.

I got some new milk because the other milk went bad. It kind of went bad too fast but it is okay. I did use a lot of it.

Well, have a good day everyone.

 Hello everyone, this is Refried. I just took my medicine. I am all caught up on medicine and sleep, and I had an iron pill yesterday. So that is good. I might need to do a grocery order soon.  But I might wait two days until I have more money in Venmo. But I don't know. Maybe I have enough. I guess today I should try to get addresses and maybe mail some books. Weirdly, I think the joke books could go fast. 

I just made coffee. I do not know if the milk I have is still good but probably it is okay. Does anyone have any thoughts? Yesterday was a good trip to the doctors office. 

Maybe in a while I will type up my advanced directive to give to my doctor.

It was fun to go to the hospital yesterday. 

I hope I can send some of these books to people who have not gotten one yet. I do not know if it is too late or not but I will do the best I can.

Well, have a good day everyone.

 Hello everyone, this is Refried. It is Wednesday. May 27. I just called my mom to see if she wanted to chat. It wasn't that good of a message that I left but I did try to call if she wanted to chat and she could call me tomorrow if she wanted to.

Tonight I went to my main support group for nami. I didn't do perfect but it was okay. Earlier today i went to my psychiatrist appointment and had a great time. Then in my neighborhood I got some secret messages and I felt happy and peaceful. So I am doing okay. I wish I had some better food. I should have turned in my rent check this afternoon but I will turn it in tomorrow hopefully. Or even friday.

I think I am doing okay. I finished another facebook boost. I think when I get to a cool 200 mil then I might stop and always save the money. Tomorrow is maybe when I try to start getting some more addresses to mail books to.  It is a rewarding hobby to mail the books.

I might have gotten on my mom's nerves but I didn't really know how to help from afar and that was her choice and the way it happened to work out. And I think that is okay.

I can see that my blog views dipped. Ok my mom is calling me.

 Hello everyone. This is Refried. It is 11:33 on Tuesday night, May 26. Tomorrow is my psychiatrist appointment. I am going to tell Dr. Talreja that I am doing great.

I think I will leave here at 8 am.

This afternoon I got my check from Wells Fargo, took a cab to comedy class area, ate some gelato and Chinese food and coffee, and then went to comedy class. Then I came home and that took about an hour and a half. 

My comedy routine went okay but I rushed it for the third time in a row but it was because the class had already heard it and wasn’t laughing a lot.

Our class had good material and our class show will be good. Now I am home and my leftovers have those little miniature corns but I am scared to eat them because of food allergies.

Gice I have had some nice days and good weeks lately. I am thankful and I think some of it is because of the reduced medicine. Sometimes I don’t remember that much about recent days but mostly I do.

Gice what do you think about my book. I think I had to say what I said.

 Ok everyone, I took my medicine, and will probably not go to comedy until about 4 today. So I will go to the bank tomorrow after my appointment with Dr. T.  Taking my medicine in the day time also means that tomorrow I could skip until the afternoon and it would not be bad.

So that is interesting. Things worked out and I am glad I can pay rent. It was kind of a close call but I could have waited until like June 2 and been probably okay.

So anyway, ups and downs, live and learn. Does anyone have any thoughts about my new book?

I should check the other email and see what the emails say. Any time I designate the law category, amazon changes it, but several of my books are about law. But it is okay.

On the train on the way back from eating at Gemini, I saw a dragon talon. It was red with a black nail.  But other than that I don't feel that much crazy stuff.  But I think I feel a certain HS feeling when I do stuff that has to do with Delgado and the other more forceful PTS feeling when I did that stuff for FT.

But what does it mean. Is there going to be a court case? I just don't understand.

Well, I think everyone agrees with my medicine decision. I am simply going downtown later and it will probably be fine, and then tomorrow will be a nice day too and I will get stuff done and then still have time to spare. Then maybe Wednesday I will do more for inspection so it is better this time. Gice I am so glad to have the smaller pills back. I think they were reminding me that I have disorganization.

 Hello everyone.

This is Refried. I think I took my medicine last night and I feel okay. I got some sleep but not a whole night sleep but yesterday I got like ten hours.

My new book is published and I feel okay about it. I mean I kind of question if something different was supposed to happen but I think this is okay.

Also I found some money in another bank account so I have enough for rent. 

I think at about 1 pm I will go downtown and get the rent check. Then later is comedy class. It is hard to go to the bank and comedy class. But maybe not leave here until 2.

I don’t know why I am so awake. I really think I took my medicine.

Tomorrow I see Dr Talreja. I need to check and see what time that is.

I think a day or so ago I understood the plan of the conspiracy. I am not sure I understand why we couldn’t just let it play out.

Did I not take my medicine? Maybe I didn’t and thought I did. I think I didn’t because I would have remembered the new smaller pills. So does that mean take it now. I mean dang I meant to take it at 5.

 Hello everyone, I am in my writers group right now and I'm writing a blog post. I just read through my new book and I think it is okay. It is kind of crazy that I had to write that third essay but I did have to. I felt off two names from acknowledgements but I think it will be okay.

I caught up on sleep today and I am glad about that. Tomorrow I need to go downtown and get my rent check and go to comedy class. I am not sure what order to do things in. Maybe go to 86 street, then take the bus crosstown, then the one train to Columbus Circle. Then get ice cream and food, then comedy class.

I got into a tight financial spot but fixed that problem mostly and will be okay. It was because I did not pay attention to the facebook charge.  But it will be okay.  I rerouted my canva subscription to my business credit card. Ok time is up for writers group.

Ok they gave us 8 more minutes. I thought about reading a certain essay in the group but I just am not for now. I do not want to ever read it.  I just had to write it. I do what I am supposed to. 

Anyway I enjoyed meeting with everyone for group and later I think I will sit outside where it is cool.

I think that Wednesday I will start sending messages to see who wants a free book.

 Hello everyone, this is Refried. It is 11:47. I am making coffee and need to take medicine soon but I believe I will be totally normal after medicine and sleep. I am just a little tired but had a great day. I went to a diner with a friend and had a great time. I should have sent a text later but it is okay. Then when I got home I watched my church service and there was a guest who I sent a joke book to and it was an awesome surprise. And I could tell that Jacqui liked the theology idea that I told her.

I will say the idea.  Ok Jacqui is a universalist and I am not but I do have liberal suspicions about purgatory and realms with people who don't go to heaven but can still be prayed for.  That is actually basic Catholicism and I am more in that camp. And the special guest today is someone who I think is in that camp, too, which actually is rare in my circles. So that is really cool. But anyway the idea I sent Jacqui is what if God does a lot of nice things for people in a bad status but he hides his good deeds about it just like he told us to do in the book of matthew. In other words, he does not appropriate the damned. So we all assume hell while meanwhile he might give people ice cold lemonades sometimes.  That is what I pray for even though wow some people are bad.

So anyway I think that is an interesting contribution to the universalist discussion and I am happy because I think Jacqui can really consider it more than I can.  And our little club today kind of had a good mix of people who really wonder about it all.  That is so sweet and I didn't realize that the special guest was like that too until I wrote all this.  The special guest was Grace Ji Sun Kim. So sweet! She said the club should not be exclusive and that is a funny joke!

Also the minister named Macky got ordained and I really like him.  Way to go Macky. I should tithe soon. Also today I talked to a phone a friend and some of it was sad but hopefully will be worked out. 

Gice the diner is gemini diner and when I went to Bellevue the interesting stuff from group therapy was a discussion about horoscopes where a guy said he didn't believe that stuff and I thought he must be St. Patrick. Isn't that so sweet and funny. And now I can go to Gemini diner if I feel like going to Bellevue and gemini means twin and me and my sister have an interesting new york story from that manic episode.

 Hello everyone, this is Refried. I am in a diner waiting to meet my friend Katie from peer counseling. I got here early and it is kind of questionable that I held the table so long but I had a coffee and cheesecake. It is the biggest piece of cheesecake I have ever eaten. 

The diner is a place associated with a certain hospital. I had a dream this morning that I got sent to St. Francis hospital in Greenville for mania and the social workers were evaluating me and the hall was filled with people waiting. And I saw a vision of something scary but it is fine but what does it all mean. The scary thing is that it probably does match what the conspiracy has done to trick actual Satan. Thst is scary and somewhere along the way people figured out that it wasn’t a game. What happened in my family and life, it was serious.

So anyway kind of comical. Funny how the association of this diner was so light and now I see it and it is really funny. I can’t say more about it because people could feel like they need to come find me.

So anyway that is all. I posted that meme and boosted it but I felt grief because it wasn’t how I intended it with the numbers and audience and I felt like it could disturb my sister’s beach vacation so I unposted it. But I think it was because of a bad feeling from the spiritual powers that happen because of boosting the videos. 

That is interesting. I think the idea is that it makes you have to pray so millions get prayed for.

Ok have a good day

 Hello everyone, this is Refried. I just woke up and had interesting dreams. Then I called my mom but have not heard back yet but hopefully she is doing fine. She does not keep her phone next to her and I told her she needs to but I think it is probably okay. A caregiver is coming to be with her at about one oclock.

I am microwaving some coffee.  I might go walk and get some milk but I could wait until tomorrow. I am getting harrassed more in the streets and yesterday I had to call 911 for something and the guy came after me and I said okay I won't call but 911 was still on the phone so when he went to go keep hurting that other person then I finished the call and the security people handled it.

But anyway about four people got in my way on purpose on that post office trip.  But it wasn't that weird but I will be calling cops more often I think. A guy flashed a knife in my support group and I think that was meant towards me but I am not that worried. I just know I am entering a new time where I am not safe.  But I really feel that I do not die until I am 53. And we should all be interested to see what happens.

Probably at about 3 pm I will go to starbucks or something. I mean I do not know if stuff is still happening that is important but I feel like I mostly just completed some stuff.  I think today I should make some videos. But I do not know when I will boost stuff because I need to wait until my new card gets here.

Wow I can't believe it, the books and the new card. That is exactly what I needed. I don't know who all will get the books but I will keep contacting friends because some facebookers did not get one.  Also the indigo girls but they are on tour. And EB.

I think I am okay with my third essay. And I think that Shemaiah will read it if I want her to but I don't think I need that. I think instead she is offering for me to have a good time and actually do the prompt.

So maybe Monday I will work on that in my creative writing group. I am blessed and God takes care of me and my family. It bothered me when Anne sounded mad when I said I supported her going to the beach. But I thought she might like to know that was my opinion.

 

 Hello everyone, this is Refried. My new book is ready except for the Kirkus review. I don't really know what to do about that because it will be hard to wait another month.

Someone was nice to me today. Thanks Caitlin! Caitlin accepted an email from me in a good way. I really appreciated it and did not assume that kindness.

I did a book cover. It is okay. Possibly I should have used canva googly eyes.  It is not too late to fix it but I am not sure. It kind of is reminiscent of bopscotch.

I think I will call my mom again. I mean I do not know. Should I call my sister? I could imagine my sister going crazy right now because she had to get her family ready for the beach.  Possibly her kids have friends going with them.  So that meant less flexibility.  But to me beach trips can wait.

Ok let's try to chip away at inspection some more.

 Hello everyone, this is Refried. It is Friday, May 22 at 9:08 am.  I am cleaning up for inspection. I took three bags of trash out and will do the bed and counter soon.  There are no dishes. I might tidy up the table. I am glad I did laundry this week, too.

My mom texted and she is doing well. I am waiting to hear what her discharge plan is. They waited to see how it went before assigning her care from either a facility or home.  She said they recommend home care. I think my sister will be there soon and will take her home.  Anne wants to leave and go to the beach tomorrow. So this is the mid air trapeze scenario where someone, not me, needs to figure out a plan.  I think my mom is relying on the hospital to tell her what to do.  It is possible that she will arrange it herself.  I just feel like it should have already been scheduled weeks ago.  And I also feel like as much as it seems like I got the easier deal to not be there, my family has shown some disregard for my social work license by being the neglectful bumbles that they are. Like I really do have to worry about my mom being set out on a bench in front of the hospital without a ride home.

Anyway I had a most interesting dream where two people were helping me with AI and we could all imagine stuff and it would come true but there were always these characters with video cameras watching us and waiting to see what we would do.  And I felt that I needed to not overdo it with the AI because of these people's other relationships. So that is interesting. It was kind of supernatural and I do not know what it means. Possibly this is in fact a key day that God is doing stuff on.  And the way the hip surgery did get rescheduled after I fell and caused that plumbing problem.  I will call mom in a little while.

I saw a person in the hallway and I wondered if it was a bad person from one of the racist networks trying to take away my license. She was knocking on another neighbor's door. Well I do not know.

 Hello everyone, my mom's hip surgery went well. Now I think is the challenge where they have to work out some care and what is going to happen? 

I feel better today and had a hard time calming down last night after some angst.  I called a friend and we talked about our other friend who is having problems and this friend also kind of got riled up about me and my legal inquiries. So that is weird.  Anyway, this morning I am eating leftover food and I got messages from my sister, had interesting dreams, and am okay.

I also feel like I made some more lawyer friends and yet there is something different which is that I think that person yesterday might be my actual lawyer if anything happens with the books. But I think they might think that I can expect a good path forward without much problem unless there really is a problem.

Like possibly other people's lawyers will also know they don't have a case against me. So that is weird.

I will drink some coffee now if I have milk that is still good. I just read my new book and I think that soon I will write the essay about liberals and then after that we are just waiting for one thing which is the next kirkus review.

Well, that is all, everyone, have a good day.

 Hello everyone, this is Refried Bean. Today is Wednesday, May 20. I just had a legal consultation and it went great. I asked all my questions.  However when I emailed them to thank them, I realized that there was some unfinished business. So I don't know if I did okay. That might be how it works.  I mean I think I might have gotten a B this time from law school.

I think the remaining issue is that even if they keep me as a client, they might not defend me from defamation accusations if they read my stuff and think I was wrong. So they were not promising that.  But they did confidently, assuredly say that truth is the absolute defense. That helps me a lot.

I think we are on good terms and they answered literally all my questions about literary law. I mean it is kind of weird, how this whole thing has been a haggle shuffle and you think it's one thing and then there is the real issue.  But possibly the main need in this situation was on the phone and they helped me immediately.  I mean that is really impressive.  The experience was better than I expected.

I mean I am a little shaken up because I think I have to start over if there is another problem. But there is not another problem. And I think that how it works is that if there is another problem then I will have money from an audience and then you just pay the lawyers and they do the best they can if they remotely think you have a case. So this brings us to the fact that I think I know how it works and I don't.

Alright, here is the other issue.  My mom doesn't have her after care arranged for her hip surgery which is tomorrow. I do not understand why it is not settled and planned. My parents were never stupid people and now my mom is one of those stubborn fools who is impossible to take care of. I am sure my sister will handle it fine. She has 48 hours to find the right place for mom to recover. I think they should choose a facility over caregivers. But why isn't that done? I want to say I am tired of being tortured, but at least I am not there. My mom told me she did not wish me to be one of the caregivers.

Ok I have to go to a meeting now. I might come back and edit some of this. 

 Hello everyone, this is Refried. It is 12:24 on Monday night or Tuesday morning. Some crazy stuff happened today. I was on my way to comedy class, thinking about recent wheeling and dealings, and stumbled upon another issue in my mind. So then I made a phone call and got a good response. And then as I walked to comedy class, there was unexpected construction equipment everywhere around Lincoln center area, like for blocks and blocks, and I started coughing and gagging. Like wretching with no end in sight to the chemical problems. But I kept walking and got away from it and finished what I was working on. And then felt some feelings of excitement and relief, because I think God has just done another surprising switch up where what I really needed was provided amidst a disguise of other horrible issues. But it is not over and I have to type up some stuff tonight. But I expect it to be light and momentary.

I thought I might not be able to make it back to my comedy class but I was able to and worked on some new jokes. It didn’t go that well but actually I have enough for a great routine and am almost done. So that is exciting and I am friends with everyone in the class. And it feels different now, like I have recovered from some of the torture from the past three years. I mean how weird but maybe I can really stick with this hobby and have a community.

 Hello everyone, this is Refried. It is Sunday, May 17. I got good sleep but I am taking my medicine after the comedy show. It is fine, it is an 8 hour delay and I don't need to be persecuted for it.

I am going to drink some coffee and leave here at about 1 pm. I kind of want to go to red lobster but I did not think about it in time and me and my friends are keeping it simple. We are going to a comedy show.

I am missing my writers group and I hope we can meet again next month. Because I think we canceled. 

Gice it is a challenge to get through all this with my mental illness and disability.

Anyway, there is something kind of funny which is that the hospital helped me again and I am okay.

I wonder if the kirkus people have read my story collection yet. 

Soon I will make coffee. Gice. The lawyer friends. Pretty fun and funny.

I think that contract about the books is legally binding.  I think I am mostly protected from libel accusations, plagiarism, and people trying to take the book rights. I don't know if I should announce that myself but I think that is what just happened and wow it was supernatural and disguised.

Buster is working through some stuff because Reuben got employee of the month at NYP. Buster is almost okay but had a hard time with it.

Gice you know what I really enjoyed is the attention from Montifiore and Einstein.  That was a good time, almost normal, and yet I was a little manic wasn't I.

Ok I think the star wars is 132 and it is done. Thanks because wow I couldn't do a whole nother thing.

Well, have a good day everyone. 

 Hello everyone, this is Refried. My friend Beth called and I feel much better. I felt depressed earlier after the racism in my neighborhood. But sometimes my neighborhood is in on the conspiracy and it is not easy for all the working people in the stores, etc. 

I think I can get a refund on the Amazon order if I need to. I think it is a serious problem and if it goes really wrong I can accept the loss. But 700 dollars is not a joke. And harrassment from postal workers borders on crime.

I hope things get better in our country soon. Possibly it will be better after the trump years.

Gice did I almost have a lawyer and got manic? I mean it has been a while since I got manic. But I think I got good book material and it was stuff I did need to write about. Like writing a hundred books and not including that stuff would be weird. It was kind of like the blob mentality stuff. I think I am more worried about my books being challenged than I need to be. I think they will be fine. But the blindness of people to the work behind it could really be an issue. 

I am not sure I could have gotten through a trial. I mean maybe if I had just waited a day before emailing then I would have a case. But maybe I can try again in a month or so. 

 Hello everyone, I am making some coffee. I am thankful for what I have in life.  But I think poverty and loss has become the norm for me so I am accepting that possibly too much.  But I have no choice.  But this has happened before. Where I am like well at least I am not working 14 hours in China, at least I am not ins a war zone, at least I have food. But in regular life everything is gone and wasted. 

So I mean did I mess up and send too many emails. That might have been it but I felt like I should tell them all the stuff. Am I supposed to try again somewhere else? I mean it is the same stuff.

My question is just that I feel the supernatural traction of it so maybe that is what I am supposed to do.

What about that email to Tiffany? I think that was okay and she will know what to do.

Gice I am glad I took my medicine and got sleep. I didn't call my sister.  Should I have? Well I do not know. I think my sister got triggered enough today.

Well have a good day everyone.

 Hello everyone, this is Refried. Today at the post office one of the people overchaged me and pretended not to hear me say media mail. So I filled out a satisfaction survey complaining and then I suspected that the messed up order was on purpose.  So I tried to report that but something went wrong.  I also realized that I was one digit off on the zip code and the form disappeared and I was not able to complete the report.

I think I am going to have to accept losing 700 dollars and paying for it on credit for a year and a half and never getting the order. I think I have no choice other than to accept that.

Does anyone have any thoughts?

I just got good sleep and I took my medicine so that is good. I don't know how I feel about that other email but I did what seemed right at the time. I don't know how much mental illness is a factor in my life because I have been more disalbed for two years and because life really doesn't make sense anyway.

Gice some thai food would be nice but I think I have food but I will think about it.

 Hello everyone, this is Refried. I got about four hours of sleep and it felt good. I am taking two packages to the post office soon.  Probably in about an hour. It will be a far walk.  I don't think any legal witnesses are needed but there is a funny aspect to it. These packages are going to really cool people. Ok I will say it, one person grew up in actual Compton.  As many people know, in creative writing school I had a funny conversation with my teacher named Trinie and I mixed up the Comptons with the Hamptons.  And she happened to live in both L.A. and NYC.

I mean the comedy of it all.  And that isn't even the thing.  The thing is that the other package is to a psychologist who I don't know but who I think would find my case most interesting. 

I think I might need to follow up with some people soon but I think everyone can be patient.

Gice I have an order of books that did not get here correctly. And I paid for it with affirm and it needs to get here and the issue was with the post office but Amazon has the order so they do need to get it to me.

Karla was nice to me at inspection yesterday. I really enjoyed talking to her. 

There is something else but I am waiting and making sure it is not a weird manic idea. 

 Ok I found an inconsistency, where I said they were targeting a readership past my time.  But when you are preventing publication, you are not trying to ruin someone in front of their audience but keep them from presenting to their audience. So people might see an issue of me wanting something both ways.  And in this case also "wanting" some persecution. So like there are three problems. 

But I think what I am saying might not be an issue.  Like I think it is consistent with a multifaceted group of people doing anything and everything to ruin any of it, so why not target all of it.  Target every possibility, target every audience real or imagined, so yes publication or not I lose. So possibly it is not that bad that I went ahead and added a phrase here and there.  I just feel like they did both things. For some people to miss out entirely and for some people to see a shell of what it could have been.

And then the conspirators are saying, no, that's the good stuff. And it has to do with the concept of "meta," too.  Like to step back and name it. To be above it.

Well that is interesting. Remember when Matthew Dickman didn't like that section of my humor paper on chicken poems?  And later I was like, no, that is good stuff.

I don't think I was able to interpret all the secret messages. 

Gice I know some people don't like that abortion post on my jokes page, but I think it is a good post and I am leaving it. It doesn't mean I have reverted. And I know how stupid it is in some ways, like people can say, gee, because we all carry so many scalpels everywhere.  But that is why I am leaving it, is because it is just a stupid post and I do care about the issue and think there are solutions that have not been accepted because people are lazy and wanted to fight instead of fix.

So anyway, that is all, have a good day everyone.

 Hello everyone, this is Refried. It is Friday, May 15 at 11:34 am. I don't feel that good and am thirsty and tired but I feel better than other times recently. I just need to drink some water but I wish I had kool-aid.

Inspection is in thirty minutes and I am almost ready. I am going to tell Karla for the third week in a row that I do not feel good. But I think my room will be okay. I just need to do a few more dishes.

Gice what do you think about the case. I think it was questionable for me to send that other link about escalation. But it is my other legal issue and I thought it could have relevant information if Barnes and Noble also escalates people.  And yet when I read it, it is not the same happy feeling as the other notes.

But I mostly think all three of those links were there for a reason.  Like the sesame street video is kind of stupid but it proves the UNCF thing. I mean honestly the case goes on and on.  Like Jarndyce and Jarndyce.  Which is also funny because this book is going to be called "Tale of Three Cities."

This morning I can see the case of the Barnes and Noble customers and the facebook friends.  I mean it does start to have to be in God's hands.

But anyway the issue now is I am thirsty and have inspection soon. Pretty funny how in the middle of the communications I am like by the way I am publishing this.  And how it was almost hard to not publish it before they made their decision.  

And then the other thing that is real is where I was like I am going to sue and for the pay off ask for lawyer friends. Like suing barnes and noble to give me new friends. And the fact that the idea is actually real, supernaturally supported, and part of the original case. I mean that is crazy. And then the advertising factor, where I have a different set of friends than I would have with a different life.  

So anyway I just wish I had some Kool Aid and ice.

Well, have a good day everyone.

 Hello everyone. I have inspection tomorrow. I need to make a list of what to do: trash, counter, dishes, bathroom, laundry, make bed, clear floor and table.

Gice something was dreadfully wrong at nami. I might never go back. Like you think you will never leave but you do. Hopefully I can put in a call tomorrow.

I mean frankly I don’t understand reality. And my book order got messed up, and honestly I don’t see myself staying in New York. Worst of all, I feel like my mom has not made arrangements for the check next month and my sister is going to bumble it.

This morning was weirdly awful and then it was okay but I can’t tell if NYP is still helping me happily or is mad.

I do not know but I think there was a message telling me all these people are friends.

Gice ups and downs live and learn it was not an easy week and yet so fun in some ways. I hope I did not let down my new law friend pals.

I think it is okay and yet it is not okay. Things are not okay at nami and I don’t know what to do about it.

Gice I also got two A minuses. One from NYU and one from Cordova. Some of it is because I relied on them for mental health support, and some was because I sharked them about my book rights. Pretty funny what happened.

Are you Gice reading this. I am not coming after y’all for that and I know I would lose.

I forgot to tell them I wanted to be a lawyer for Judgement Day but they probably surmised.

I think they are my friends now.

Really though the speed of that dramatic moment today when I really did have to do a doctors appointment.

There are some other secret messages that say my books aren’t going to be torn up.

Thanks everyone. I got some stuff wrong though like when I said great instead of beautiful in that Woodruff Road essay and when I said luxury instead of blessing in the VCFA phrasing. But I meant well both times for my gf named Ravneet. I don’t think it means God is mad. It is probably fine. Ravneet you are very brave and it is going to be so fun and we probably have at least a million years but I feel like God did say “you don’t know what you are asking” when you request a forever person. Like there is stuff we don’t know but he also didn’t say no.

So anyway this is a good day. I will be back to normal with meds all in good time. I don’t want to make myself feel bad after the bad feeling that happened. I talked to my sister again and it was okay. She is at USC and had regained a lost account.

So that is good.

An A and two A minuses. That is a semester.

Well that is all everyone. Thanks for tuning in. I had a good time and appreciate the attention everyone.

 Hello everyone, this is Refried. It is Thursday, May 14 at 11 am.  The law firm decided not to take my case but it was still a good experience.  I possibly told them too much.  I also am aware of how my mental health is gone and I might not be well enough to participate in legal action. 

However I wrote a lot of interesting stuff.  I think they did not like that I called people names and they might have felt that I called them names but I didn't.  But I told them in the paperwork that I call people names sometimes. I just told them everything because that is what I do.  

I need to revisit some of the emails and make copies for my new thin book.  The thin book will not be released still for a while though.

Are the law firm people mad at me? I do not know. I will miss them a lot.  It won't be the same around here.  That process lasted about a week. I learned a lot and Columbia Law School gave me an A.

 Hello everyone. It is 4:45 on Thursday. I need to take my medicine soon. I know what my next step is. I am going to ask my sister for a thousand dollars. I think if she doesn’t have it then that is okay. It is hard to wait because I feel motivated to get this stuff done. But really I am okay and need to make a milkshake and take medicine. Am I eating enough. I made a mistake on one of my documents and didn’t list selfishness in the faults list. So I need to correct that tomorrow. I was trying to tell them I am lazy and selfish but don’t lie cheat and steal. And yet I am in the hole now for about one grand.

Gice it is not that easy to not feel good but I am mostly okay and got some sleep yesterday. And I took my medicine. Should I go to Nami tomorrow? I might do that if I feel like it.

Does anyone have any thoughts? I think what I am doing now is essentially writing another thin book. It is going to be called Tale of Three Cities.

I am saying that to put a thin disguise on what is actually happening. I saw a few hallucinations tonight so I think we are all on the right track.

Ok everyone, I think the conspiracy is saying to rest my case.  

https://www.nytimes.com/video/us/100000007162707/minneapolis-police-protest-burn.html

Lawyers, if you are reading this, I have more to send but think it is time to clam up.

 Hello everyone, this is Refried. It is Monday, May 11. I went to a meeting and then watched a youtube video of Princeton's Chapel Service. It was good. My therapist helped me with how I did not feel good.  I think I am okay now.  Soon I will go to the post office but I am waiting until the computer says my order has arrived.  It was a large order and I am taking my cart. I hope even the cart is enough room. It is 40 books total.  I think the cart will be fine.

So okay, there is some bad news, which is that my mom does not want to support the facebook video outreach.  So possibly that hobby is mostly over or at least postponed.  But she was not mad that I asked. She just doesn't like it for some reason. I mean that is weird to me. How can you not like that.

So anyway that means I will be kind of tight with my budget for a while and might not get to go to Asheville in October. Well that is okay. What I am worried about is that my mom is not going to double up on deposits and instead is going to grant my sister access to do the checks.  I could see this as a good thing I guess, like maybe it means my mom is about to cut me off for being gay.  So this is when and how we arrange for my sister to help me survive instead.  But practically speaking, I am a little bit worried about being able to pay the rent on time in June. But I think it will be okay.

About this thermostat quote, I think it can be cheapened to be about power, and maybe you aren't supposed to go after the power and even influence, but the service. That is how I felt before when I said it and I am going to have to agree with myself again.

Well have a great day everyone.

 Hello everyone, today is Saturday, May 9. I walked to Starbucks and got a chai.  And I also ate at McDonalds before that. I'm doing okay and just resting in my apartment.  One of my neighbors is really noisy and it has started driving me crazy. But I am okay. He is just really loud and talks to himself a lot. I would definitely rather have that annoyance than other problems, though.

I am relieved to feel mostly normal. I was worried that the low iron might be caused by one of my psych meds, but it is not. So I don't have a medicine change on the horizon.  That is a relief.  Wow that would be horrible.

I think I am going to listen to music for a while. I am just kind of shaken up by the week. Tomorrow I will try to go to both church services and bible study later. That sounds like a bit much but really isn't.

I think I don't owe any phone a friends any calls except maybe Charlotte tomorrow. I have a plan to give away my book rights at least temporarily if I sense that there are revenge plans from the people who murdered me.

I think I will play video games on my phone also.  I mean honestly I am a little shaken up sometimes.

My sister said this is me:

 458-9113

The eagle has landed

 Well hello everyone, today is Friday, May 8. I just finished washing the dishes and counter for inspection.  I think I have done better this time than last week. Last week I was too tired.  This week I was able to do a lot of chores.  I should sweep or mop as well.  But I think it is all set.  The conspiracy has rolled out some new stuff that is very bothersome.  It is people being hurtful to me and guys wearing no pants in various locations where it is probably illegal.  Once downtown, once outside a building near my apartment, and once outside my door. And the hurtfuls are once at bible study, once from poetry, and once from youtube.

So that is not a fun conspiracy and I do not know what to do about that.  I mean is that the point, that the conspiracy always kind of tortured me? Because honestly I found a lot of it to be good attention.

That was weird just now, I can't say that I understand why anyone would be so rude.

So anyway, what should I be doing right now? Maybe googling anemia.  I think what happened was from skipping two days of iron pills. But it was kind of extreme.  I am going to miss the hospitals if I leave here.  But I would love to go to Carolina Center for Behavioral Health.  I could go to PHP and IOP. I do not know if I could work there.  I think I would rather be a participant.

Where would I live? I would try to buy a house for Ravneet.  Ravneet, yoo hoo, please send me a message if you read this. What do you think of recent goings on?

Who wants the books I just ordered.  A lot of people.  I just need to send messages.  Also I forgot to send that pal from Linked In a book. Sorry! I will get to it!

Maybe that is what I should do today is reread books and mentally prepare for an actual rollout.  

Does anyone have any thoughts? I mean I do not know.

 Hello everyone, this is Refried. It is Friday, May 8. I am almost ready for inspection. I just need to clean the kitchen area a little more.

I feel better today and don't even really remember the anemia feeling. Is it possible that it is a latuda issue? I do not know. But I got sleep and felt strong enough to do inspection.  Actually last week I did not feel able to do inspection and today I do and it is going fine. Just a few more chores. So that was from fatigue.  Fatigue is not a game when it is severe.  And I think mine was dipping into severe levels. 

I took down the posts about torture on my facebook page.  There was something unresonant about the post not sharing to enough people, or maybe getting sympathy two years later when things might be okay.  It is possible that some things really can't be told.  So I do not know but one issue might be the albatross post and how I messed that up.  But one good thing is that the credit card did fix my name change.

So possibly do an inventory and some things have gone okay. The books are done. I think I am mostly okay with them.

I feel like some people are suggesting to move to Greenville. I have thought about it but don't see how it is possible.  Also I had intended to go down with the ship of NYC.  But possibly there has been a termination in the works and I am supposed to leave here.  But to go where? Probably Greenville.

I just need to sell books and have an income.  I have another suspicion but it is kind of weird.  And yet it could be true. Well, does anyone have any thoughts?  I think I did not do well with my behavior in NY. What do you gice think? I think I also had ups and downs with prayer, like some good but some not enough. But definitely PTS helped me and hopefully other people who had doubts.

But a lot of people concluded that most everyone was already on the right track.

Well let's see how inspection goes.  Then maybe some groups or a walk.

Does anyone have any thoughts?

 Hello everyone, this is Refried. It is 12:01 midnight on Thursday night. Tomorrow I have inspection. It is not that easy but I can do it. I am going to try ignoring it tonight and then going to bed at 3 and waking up at 10 am and cleaning.

Tonight a nice person named Dr. Mudge helped me with my low iron fatigue scare. I am ok. I might make some pancakes. Earlier I ate grits and it did not hurt my stomach.

I wish I had more ice cream but I have one serving of vanilla left and I mean why not be happy to finish the whole carton without wasting any. I am thinking add strawberry jam. 

Well, that is all for now everyone. Ravneet sent me some messages earlier and she is doing okay.

 Hello everyone, this is Refried. It is Wednesday, May 6. I went to a Nami support group and had a good time.  People are really going through a lot these days. I mean it is hard to believe but we are still the same nice people who were on facebook when it was such a miracle and I believe God will help us.

Tonight I ordered some more books and paid through affirm.  I think it was a good amount and I need to figure out who to mail to. I will have about 15 joke books to give away total, and 5 each of some other premium books.  But you know what, I think a lot of people would be happy with just a simple poetry book.  I am starting to assume people don't want the books because they are like me and can't read well.  But they can read fine and probably there are still a lot of potential readers.

Having my birthday and feeling the reality of just a few years left makes it easier for me to believe that I am never going to get a cash payoff for the books in my lifetime.  Like it is going to happen but not while I am here. I do not know why except maybe the conspiracy is trying to organize a life that has a certain suffering element to it for advocacy purposes.  And the idea is that I would rely on family money and never have a career that pays normally.  So I think I need to consider that and maybe talk to my mom some more about it.  I think this could be when I tell her the extent of my health stuff that she has been in denial about.  I think she does not ever want to get into a legal situation and I am kind of like that except that the abuses that have happened to me were so blatant.  It is hard to believe. I just don't know why they dared me to stand up for myself.

So anyway what is the total for me? It is limited.  It is about 24k times three.  plus maybe 25k extra.  So 100k left for me total. I am going to talk to my mom about it and see if we can afford for me to frontload some business expenses so the last three years, or really this year in particular, do the most they can to finish establishing the brand, reach people with books if they want one, and take reasonable advantage of the facebook opportunity.  I probably need to think about accepting some limits with facebook.  Like capping it at some point.  It will feel good to be done and I thought I was and then boom, there is a video opportunity.  I think that will last a year.  So maybe budget some now, some in the fall, and then really just let other people do their thing.  I am getting old and it is time to invest in whippersnappers.

Is that saying too much publicly.  Are people going to be mad at me?  I think if people think about their own cost of living then I am still in the low range. I mean a car alone would cost like 8000 a year.  And a house, no kids, no pets, no major debts, though a lot of expense is behind me.  But it is in the books and my survival.  The fact is that I survived and am at the thirty year mark for mental illness. 

So okay that just really made me feel better to get accepted for the affirm deal. Because wow I have had so many credit card rejections.  But I had acceptances but wow it is depressing when you don't get accepted.

So anyway okay that is all for now. 

 Hello everyone, this is Refried. It is 6:11. I woke up late today because I got some sleep without medicine and then I took my medicine and slept some more.

I have had a good day so far and am going to do laundry at about 9 or 11 o’clock.

My friend’s pet died and when I was texting her, she was so nice to me and it took me by surprise. So that is from God and really a nice thing that helps me a lot.

Then I sent a note to a hospital with an idea that I had for pet care when patients suddenly have to be hospitalized.

Hopefully that will help someone out there.

Gice life in NYC is not that easy and yet sometimes there are provisions here that aren’t everywhere.

I am going to run out of milk soon. I have enough for one more coffee. Maybe tomorrow I will walk to 7-11. 

Gice my money is low because I spent it on facebook videos to reach India but I made my choice and am okay for a while.

Gice honestly I still have space on two credit cards.

Anyway ups and downs live and learn.

What should I do tonight. I think I might make a cake.

We’ll have a good day everyone.

 Hello everyone, this is Refried. It is Tuesday, May 5. I just turned 49 today. It is my birthday.  Almost 50.  That is great. I think I am going to live until I am 53.

There was an issue with the train on the way to comedy class. 

I jsut worked so hard this afternoon so I could show up with no problem. But the issue on the train seemed like something that happened another time. And I gave up and went back to my neighborhood.

I am eating some wings and lemonade tonight and attending two other groups online. I emailed my comedy teacher my new jokes.

I am very disabled now. I think everyone needs to manage their expectations of me.  I am pretty much done and the thing left to do is sell the books.  And my presence is in the books and that needs to be enough for most people.

Well, have a nice day everyone.

 Hello everyone, this is Refried. I am sitting in my apartment. I went to the post office and got a birthday present that my mom sent me. That was nice of her. She has always done well with that stuff even during times of torture.

I also picked up a box of five more joke books.  I do not know who all the recipients will be.  One thing I do think is that it is wasteful for people to not be getting books from the amazon site while they are available.

Anyway it is 2 pm. At 3 pm I will try to take a shower and then at 4 I will try to leave to go to comedy class.  There is still a chance I won't go because of the locked gate but I believe I probably will. I might skip the next class though.  Because I think I have already prepared a lot of jokes.

I think I am not going to call my mom today because the texts and birthday present went well.  I mean can't I send her a thing of molasses chips from Sees for mother's day. I think I should do that right now.

Well have a good day everyone.

 Hello everyone, this is Refried. I just took my medicine. I have been taking it in the mornings. I had some dreams so I think I got some sleep. And now I will sleep about four more hours and then go to the post office hopefully. 

I will make some coffee soon if I don't fall back asleep.

Gice how do you feel about my videos.  I feel like this batch was iffy in some ways but still mostly okay.  And live and learn, ups and downs.  Gice earlier this year I was going to mail books and then I spent the budget on facebook but I feel like it helped me reach more people in the big picture.

Gice did you all like what I just emailed to myself. Gice hopefully I will have a good trip downtown today. I felt better last night.  People still try to get in my room in the middle of the night but maybe that works out for me to sleep in the morning instead.

Gice I didn't do that well on facebook in recent weeks but it is my actual posts and I think that is okay. I will do a constructive dismissal post and then that will be about it for torture.  

Well, have a good day everyone.

 Hello everyone, this is Refried. It is Monday, May 4. Tomorrow is my birthday. For my birthday I am going to comedy class.  

My videos are finishing up soon and the numbers are good.  I also prayed well this time. I know the bible says not to say when you pray but I do say it so people will expect to get something.

Today was a weird day. I think it was because I slept some before taking medicine and felt a tired feeling that affected my thoughts.  And it lasted all day. I think some of that might be from sharing the videos. It is a spiritual warfare issue of some kind.  So that is interesting. 

I drank a milkshake and it was yummy.  The 2 percent milk is easier to make a milkshake with. I am perfecting the process a little bit on that. 

How do you think my meeting with Connie went? I enjoyed it. I kind of yapped her ear off but I could not help it because I was so freaking disturbed by my spiritual problems overnight. And I was scared that it would ruin the meeting with Connie and even wondered if it was on purpose.  So that is a little bit of paranoia.  I mean I do not know why but people do trigger it sometimes and it is them, not me.

So anyway, I am 92 percent done with my life!  That is really awesome and I am thankful.  Hopefully it will be a good finale.  Hopefully my books will not get wasted. It is weird because I do not know whether to expect good things or more suffering and loss.  But I think in some ways I could see some stuff as done and in other people's hands. What do you guys think about that part of library book when I say the best thing in my life are the people? I just wonder if that did not do God right in a way. Well I do not know.  Maybe people can discuss it and intend to do better and not say things like that. Like was I supposed to say that it is in God's hands? I mean I am talking about a profession.  An industry, and there are other people whose decisions affect me.  

Well, that is all. I felt like writing a blog post but didn't really have anything to say.

Gice I am going to be tenth wave instead of for such a time as this.

 Hello everyone, this is Refried. It is 4:39. I talked to my friend Connie earlier about my kirkus reviews and I am feeling okay about it all.  She thinks it is a good idea to get some more casual reviews on my sites.  

I also packed up a few joke books to send to two people who did not get joke books yet.  It was so sweet when one person asked for one because I did not expect her to want one after I gave her possibly too many poetry books.

I also cooked some eggs and bacon and I did not do well with the cooking. The bacon was not as crispy as usual and the eggs had too much bacon grease but it is all okay and still yummy.

There is something that bothered me overnight and then I was successful in a dream about it but I don't know what I am supposed to do and I do not know if it is on purpose from anyone. I think I am okay but it is weird how I did not really know what to do.

Tonight I am hoping to go to the anxiety group for nami. I don't think I have other appointments scheduled.  I am still avoiding the bad person from the other group I am in.

I think this recent video boost did a number on me.  Possibly I should end the ads and see if I feel better. It could be some kind of spiritual issue from sharing to millions at a time. But I do not really know.

But I possibly am out of money for it anyway. Maybe I will pause it right now.

 Hello everyone. This is Refried. I am so excited and surprised to find out today that a guy from my church who got wrongfully detained has been brought back home. The pastors worked so hard and got lawyers and it was very scary for five whole months. So way to go everyone. There is a nice video.  Maybe I will share it but I don't know.

Today I went to Wendy's with a friend from my mental health program last year. It was fun and maybe I can socialize more. Tuesday is when my next comedy class starts.

I have had some mood ups and downs but am okay. I took an iron pill yesterday and had more energy.  I will try to do that again in about 7 hours.  That is hard to believe, isn't it? I will go to sleep in 7 hours at 6 am.

I ran some more videos this weekend and feel mostly okay about it.  Honestly, sometimes facebook gives more numbers to some videos that to me aren't as good and honestly that messes with my mood a little bit.  But mostly I am really happy when they get approved and sent around. I am saying I will post three and one gets super numbers but it is not any better than the other videos and some get low and I don't know why.  But really my numbers are awesome. I don't think I should say what the numbers are.

Tomorrow I have a meeting with a creative writing teacher to discuss a book review that I got.  I am excited to talk to her.  It was also fun to send her my blog posts with my original reactions.

Gice I am so glad the church people are okay. I only attend online. I have three churches.

Well, that is all.  What should I eat tonight for dinner. I am thinking bacon and eggs.  What about pancakes. I think that is not necessary. I could bake a cake but I think that is also not necessary. 

Gice hopefully we can bring all the detainees home and give them citizenship.

 Hello everyone, this is Refried. It is 4:11. I just walked to the grocery store. It was really far. I spent 17 dollars of OTC dollars. I got milk, cheese, sour cream, and eggs.  I think I will eat potatoes later and make a cake.  My apartment is warm but I can go sit outside.

I am listening to a video that makes me feel the Holy Spirit.  That should humble me because I didn't already feel the Holy Spirit without the video.  However I can't say how fru fru I find some of these people's beliefs to be.  But they will find their way and ultimately they are probably not "the problem." Am I right? Like some people are "the problem," and it is probably not these people with their new age spirituality.  Except a guy named Harry was mean to me so I have not returned to the group.

There is a nice presenter who is a CPA and is saying some creative stuff about having a relationship with money, like it is personified.  So that is interesting.

Something on my mind is that I am looking at admissions stats for colleges and some colleges are hard for anyone at all to get into.  And it is kind of sad to me but I guess there will be those super places and then some regular places. Life is hard and people will find their way.

Gice I had a small vanilla milkshake and it cooled me off so I might get another one.

Gice this opportunity to pray for my constituents in India is very unique and I invite everyone to brainstorm some stuff for them.  It works and is slightly different than just praying in general for the world.  I believe that it does help to have a connection and to pray specifically for specific people and you can be in the middle and pray for crowds in between the way people pray for their church and pray for people in general.

Tomorrow I am going to get a frosty with my friend Tehla. I am meeting her at Wendy's at 4 pm.  I hope I don't forget or get blocked.  Maybe I will go at 2.

Gice these people on the video believe in the law of attraction and I don't.  

So anyway, that is all.  I am watching my facebook numbers.  I didn't expect to boost all this and add ten million views suddenly.  But that is it and I am going to be at about 160 million.  That is good and I can do more videos.  

Gice I would really like a Buccee badger stuffed animal but all in good time.

 Gice I got a fast approval on two boosts so be thankful for what I have. Gice I think I should try to market my books in India. Maybe I will call amazon and see what they say.

It is 2:23. I think it would have been nice to go to wellness chat today but maybe next time. I think they don't mind me being a frequent.  There are a lot of good frequents. I need to do a donation for the walk.

What should I eat for lunch today. Ravneet said food. I mean should I chop the bacon.  I don't have sour cream for the potatoes.  I mean maybe that is the idea is to make potatoes with cheese and sour cream and bacon.  So I need sour cream. Should I walk to Key Food. I mean I could do that at about 4 pm. But wouldn't that be a good thing to do tomorrow? So I think tomorrow I will do that.

Do you gice have any opinions about my videos? I think they are good.  Well, mostly good. I think there are facebook people who care about my posts. I mean that is what I have going for me.  Other people have other stuff going for them.

Gice maybe a little exercise in the evening. So what should I eat for dinner tonight. I am thinking a hot pocket. Ok that will be good. Gice I feel my phone a friend program is lagging but I just wasn't sure sometimes about whether to call people.

Gice people are saying maybe socialize with New York people more and be a comedian. Maybe do some open mics.  Ok that is what I will do. And then when it is the only thing I do then it means I am a comedian as a career.  And I can sell joke books. The joke book is my top seller right now.

 Hello everyone, I am making some more videos and got a lot of good ones from that felt blog prompt. Next is a mouse video and a checkerboard. But I will take my time. So far I got one good mouse video but it does not make sense but I might still use it.

Gice it is weird, I think I did not do well for a few days but making videos is making me feel back to normal. I mean definitely I do batches of facebook shares. I do not know if I got the stuff right this week but I think people are fine either way.  And what if one of my videos isn't that great. I think that is okay too.  Also the old numbers are starting to disappear from my stats page. So I will need to remember a total and add it to the one accumulating now.  I think I am almost to 160 if you include likes and shares. And then what, about 7 or 8 blocks of 5 and I will hit an ultimate goal. But all in good time, be patient, only post good videos.  I think the one now was really a maybe but I liked it enough so I did it and sometimes have doubts. But it is okay. That is what I had at the time after doing like 40 videos. And then I ended up with ten usables from that prompt.

Anyway that was a weird process with the review, wasn't it.  I mean it is one review. The question is, where are the readers.  Well it is okay. It is just weird to have not had a normal acceptance as a writer.  But definitely I had some kind of conspiracy so I will be thankful for that. But I just sometimes think people are wrong about thinking it is okay to make the normal results disappear.  And the charade, and what people tell themselves in order to go along with it.

Ok I forgot to go to wellness chats but I think maybe I will just take a break from it. I mean I do not know I just feel like I don't necessarily need to go to all the groups.  Am I wrong, I do not know. I was going to attend but now it is 1:08.

Well, have a good day everyone.

 Hello everyone, this is Refried. It is 12:30 pm. I passed inspection but it was not easy and I have not taken my medicine for today yet. But I will soon. It is just not that easy to pass inspection and I cracked the code to not take medicine but could get punished for it. But I have not missed it this week.

I am making some more videos with that same prompt. I mean I could just keep doing these videos.

Gice my bill for canva is a lot.  It is too much. I might have to cancel it. I will see what happens with my mom's support. I am definitely okay for this month.

I think also I did get my money's worth this month.  It is a patient process even at full blast. Also the canva cuteness is cute. Like it is not like it is never cute enough. And they get the whole blobs concept.

So that is good. I think I might need to do some more checkerboards and some mice.  I mean is that what I am doing today? Karla said it is cold outside. So maybe in a while I will go outside and drink coffee.

I think my apartment was clean enough but not great. But I might add a day and do some more permanent tidying on Mondays or Tuesdays.  Gice it is not that easy being disabled. I have fatigue and it is hard to do anything at all sometimes.

But anyway I feel happy because I emailed Connie those blurbs. I think it will be fun to talk about. I think she will find it interesting, too.

Well, have a good day everyone.

 Hello everyone, this is Refried. It is Friday, May 1 at 8:30 am. I picked up some stuff in my apartment. I have a bag of trash ready to take out. I put my sleeping bag onto my bed from off the floor. That was the main messy thing.  Picking up trash was a lot to get done.  The bathroom is okay. The clothes are mostly folded. I think I picked up like twenty random things. Trash, some clothes, and a few dishes.

So I am getting there. I could not rest until ten am if I want to. I am a little bit distrubed by my fatigue but starting to feel better as I drink coffee and do numbers on my computer.  For some reason I think I can get into the 200 mil range with just a couple of months and only a little bit of extra help from my mom. I hope she says okay. 

Gice what do you think about this recent batch of videos. I think they are okay but the main one I did by itself is only a little bit good. Like the blobs only take up half the screen, but they are still cute and I think people will like it.  I think facebook agrees that I am only at 90 percent range in quality with these but that the prompt did yield some cute stuff. But if you think about it I really needed to use the software as much as I could. I did get my money's worth from it this month.

My friend Matt said he made some videos with his daughter and I hope other facebook friends are doing the same. Because it is pretty neat.

Gice I am not happy about the war but hopefully it will be over soon. I mean they make it seem like it will be but then Russia is in the background and that is not good.

Gice I will check on the finances soon. I think I am okay. I think I need to order some more joke books.