Hello everyone, I just had a scare. I saw someone who looked like Tamara at our building and I got scared that she was going to work here again and I feared for my life.  But I asked Karla and Karla said no she was not coming back and as long as Karla was there I would be okay. Wow that is nice.  And just think that I said stuff on facebook but they did make their choice to do a series of escalations and it did bring back my Huntington's disease symptoms.  The chorea and rage.

Gice why do you think I have ups and downs with prayer? Sometimes I can pray and sometimes I can't.

So anyway I walked to the hospital store but it wasn't the best selection today. Man that creamed corn was awesome and I never see it anymore. I bet it will be a reward if I walk five walks in a row.

So okay. It is almost 6 pm. Will I go to nami later? I mean maybe.

Gice I did not do that well on facebook did I.  My videos are kind of iffy, I spent too much, and that escalation article was not really well shared. Like I needed a different image for it and a separate topic.  But it is okay. I think about 300 people saw it but only 30 clicked on it to read more. Well that is okay.

I mean ups and downs live and learn. Gice I am going to eat a lime popsicle soon.

Gice an indigo girl has spasmodic toricolis.  It is probably from playing her guitar.  I have it also because of my neck injury from twenty years ago.  But it is probably not from the injury itself but correcting my neck so much.  However what is weird is that it is a neurological disorder in the basal ganglia. Well I have had other basal ganglia problems.

So anyway does anyone have any thoughts?  Gice I will try to mail out more books but I need to ask my mom for some money for facebook and the books. I think it will be a yes but it won't be a huge amount. It will be kind of normal. Gice it is good that I went a while without boosting any videos isn't it. I think I can tolerate it and not overdo it. But I also think I should go for a cool mil every time.

Gice I think I will use that prompt again for other videos on canva.

Maybe some other people tried it also.

Well have a great day everyone.

 Hello everyone, I just ate some pizza from my apartment fire safety event. I learned a lot and got some good orange drink as well.  There was almost a fight but I was fine.  Daniella the social worker is very good at socializing, way to go. It was also the most well attended event ever besides holiday meals. Way to go, Karla. I had a good time. Way to go, Linda and Gloria.

Things are calming down some so maybe the escalation threat is over. I wanted to take a walk today but it is raining.  So I guess this pizza is the thing.  And I will make some coffee soon.

I drank coffee earlier this morning and slept some too.  The sleep was about 6-1.  So is that 7 hours? Hmm I do not really know.  I had a dream where I was sorting dishes and boxing them up for like an hour.  That is kind of crazy. It is because of the Latuda.

Today is the last day to use OTC for this month. I just did not do well I guess. I mean I could still walk to Key Food or something. And get some milk and yogurt and sour cream. I do need sour cream for the potatoes.  But you know what, I can do that tomorrow and it will be okay. I mean maybe I save some insurance people some money. I think that is okay.

Anyway what do you gice think about my posts on facebook? I kind of think the escalation share is a fail because I combined two posts. But at least I shared the link. I should do a constructive dismissal share too.

I mean that Chat GPT could not have been more clear.  Why was there not a case for my torture? I do not understand.  I have had three major torture stretches for two or three years each. I mean that is ridiculous.

And why don't my books sell? I just don't understand but at least I got the books done.

A "constructive dismissal" (also called "constructive discharge" in the U.S.) happens when an employer doesn't directly fire someone, but makes working conditions so intolerable that a reasonable person would feel forced to resign.

Common examples can include:

• Major pay cuts or demotions without agreement
• Harassment or discrimination that management ignores

• Unsafe or illegal working conditions

• Retaliation after reporting misconduct
• Sudden drastic schedule changes meant to push someone out
• Breach of an employment contract

In the United States, constructive discharge claims are often tied to labor law violations, discrimination, harassment, or retaliation claims. The employee usually has to show:

1. The conditions were objectively intolerable, and
2. The employer either intended the resignation or should reasonably have known their actions would torce it.

The exact rules vary by state and by whether the issue involves discrimination, whistleblowing, union activity, or contract law.

If you want, you can describe what happened at your workplace, and I can help you understand whether it might fit the concept and what kinds of evidence usually matter.

 Hello everyone, I took my medicine. 

Something reminded me of yucky people though and I got triggered.

I am glad I finally took my medicine.

I think I will go outside and drink coffee if I don't fall asleep.

I thought of another political thing to say.

 Ok everyone, I worked out the facebook ad stuff and am okay now. I am sorry I said that about Obama. But I do think that the government should have succeeded at immigration management. However I think that the procrastination should be a sign that ultimately most people want them to have citizenship.

Anyway. Okay. Gice. I am sorry about my outburst. I don't have to pay the apple fee yet. But I wish I could use my phone to boost ads. But you know what, I can't. I can use a computer and I have a computer.  So it works out fine. I just had a nice chat with their AI and I said have a good summer and it said I hope you have a fantastic summer. I mean how does it work, I do not know.

Gice. Obama presided over the most key tech breakthroughs before it got weird.  So I think that is one thing plus healthcare and maybe almost right on immigration. 

So okay. Some things are the same. For some reason I am not able to advertise for the books successfully. I mean maybe it is a sign to get an agent. But I do not know. It could mean to sell the books in India. I mean maybe that is it.  To be patient.  Maybe contact a publisher to see if they will sell in India.

I need to tell the conspiracy something too which is that I am loyal to PTS. But I still have lots of pals and support lots of places but I just feel that some people might be playing a game and I only partially affiliate.

But I did have a dream once that I was in that library and there was a giant book with a decorative letter. And Wade K was there doing a PhD. 

Gice I need to do another facebook post where I share a link to that article. What should be the image for it. Well I do not know.

 Hello everyone, this is Refried. I boosted some old posts on facebook and a video ad. I think it was not smart for facebook to capitalize themself because their logo is a lowercase f. I changed it after spellcheck.

Anyway I am frustrated because they are trying to make me pay an apple fees if I use my phone to boost a video. And the Apple fees is 87 dollars per 200. That is so bad.

I sent a message to Elizabeth Warren and suggested they make it illegal.

But I think I can use my laptop. But I think I don’t get the same numbers. But I guess I am just thankful for what I was able to do in the last 4 years and maybe that is all. That was my career, I did not get paid. I pay to work. I pay to exist. Just be glad it is money and not mental health.

Except I guess I did pay that too. And the bridge charges that too for shelter.

I just am sad now. A swindle like that makes you depressed for the whole society. I think the country is going to break up and the socialist part won’t have a source for their free stuff. And they deserve that. The racism finale for the social justice movement and the pretending that they did help the immigrants when they didn’t. What would have helped: if Obama did two things in his presidency instead of one thing.

Hello everyone, it is 4 am. Time to take my medicine. I will try to go downtown later and pick up the pantropazole. I just inquired about the ad and got some messages that were very nice. I will try to apologize when I can about being so mean and rude. But it is because I miss my facebook friends.  And whenever things happen to me, I think of others who have it worse. Sometimes that is not such a good habit.  But mostly it is a good way to care about others.

So anyway, it was so sweet when I got those messages. It was hard to believe. I feel so bad for being mean but I was always a little bit mean when I complained.

They are saying India is in my jurisdiction.  And other places like USA are not. Like I was not assigned to that and we need to think about other people. They said China is also not my jurisdiction. It was so funny when they said that. They said my ad was not reaching people because I targeted China. 

And then that reminds me of secret messages from some other funny people and I am wondering why those people have to be so disguised.  I think it is because of the books.  Because of the ad that is actively sharing.  They told me it is not a game.  But I think it already got approved.

I think I am in a safe zone right now in terms of spiritual monsters etc but people are saying to be careful. I just think the main thing is to take my medicine. I might take it at 5. I think the mental health people will be okay with that.  The other stuff was because of the medicine.  But I feel like the dream I had yesterday was a reminder from God to be thankful I have people who will keep me from turning into a bad person.  Because in the dream I made a bad choice and it is only by the grace of God that my real life isn't like that.

So okay. Every day is a gift and I am thankful that my case of Covid seems over. People think I am not thankful for life but I am. It is just different when you are depressed.

Gice. it was funny when Maneet did that video of the pillsbury biscuits because Ravneet told me she would make some crescent rolls for me sometime.

Well, that is all for now. Thanks everyone. Things have calmed down at housing but they were in fact torturing me again but I am taking my medicine and hopefully it will be fine.

 Hello everyone, today is Tuesday, April 28. I wrote an essay a few hours ago and it went well. But a little while ago I started remembering some of the problems again and feeling sad.  Like the anger problems but I have problems too obviously.

But anyway then I checked my facebook ad and it is not reaching a normal amount of people. It is only reaching ten people per dollar.  But one out of two clicks like.  But no one is clicking on the link.

So that is really confusing to me. It just feels like an official, overt sabotage. Like someone chose for the ad to not reach people. And I feel that all my book ads have been like that.  Why is that?

And then I started thinking about books that have done well in various ways and I doubt mine a little bit in that same way.  Like there is something different and cool but I am not sure it is the same amount of the quality of the other books in question.

But anyway I don't understand the ad numbers.  Also I can't delete the angry emojis from three random profiles that seem fake. I mean that is very few.  But why is it ten views per dollar.  I think I might stop the ad. Like those numbers are not worth it. Are the facebook people punishing me for posting that Onion post? I mean that truly is censorship.  It is just such a weird time period where we were blessed and then everything got messed up and really bad people were excused from abuses that affected millions and billions of people.  Like for them it is okay, but God forbid that you such and such such and such, I can't think of an example of something.

 Hello everyone, it is Monday, April 27 at night. I just went to an awesome workshop led by my friend named Shemaiah, which means "God hears." Wow, that is really cool. Something came to mind which is a question I have about an essay I wrote which happens to mention a time in my childhood when I wore a heavy backpack when hiking and when I took it off, I thought I could fly.  Then, towards the end of that essay, there is a mention of a manic episode where I thought I could fly. And interstingly, the manic episode happened as I became relieved to finish college after becoming severely depressed during sophomore year.  But in the essay, I mention the manic episode without describing the part where I stood on a parking garage wondering if God wanted me to prove that I believed I could fly.

And I have always questioned my writing in that book, and felt that in reality, I was set up for a perfect essay but did not deliver on it.  Why is that? I borrowed a line in the essay about being "safe but not sound."  Did I forfeit a writing blessing by repeating something I heard somewhere else?  I do not think that is it.  And there is weirdly something else that I left out of that essay on purpose which was some bad stuff my dad did.  So what does it mean? Was it God tricking Satan so I could later write this blog post about it? Because I think there are implications for essay writing and the things in our lives that God has given us to write about, or that he has already "written" directly by making it happen.

Also interesting is that just this week I told someone about the woman at the well who said "When the messiah comes, he will explain everything."  And last week I was hoping that in heaven, Jesus Christ will do a powerpoint presentation about my life and tell everyone some psychoanalysis about my family problems.  I am thinking of a small lecture hall. A college classroom, even.  To sum it all up and make it worth it.  I mean could an essay not do that beforehand? Some people do achieve that, not once, but as a career, almost every day. They make sense out of things. Ideas fall into place. 

I was blessed as a poet. Maybe it is a confirmation of calling.  Like God himself saying, you are not a CNF writer, just yap on your blog and be a reporter.  Can people tell by this tone how I did try to make this an essay? But what is the conclusion: that I think I can fly but I don't think I can write an essay.

 Hello everyone, this is Refried. I am okay. I just talked to Karla. She said she was not targeting me and I need to talk to her directly if I ever doubt that. I think I am going to be switched to Linda for inspections eventually. That is good with me and I think Linda will be in the zone between good expectations and mercy. It is just life and death for me to feel like I can pass inspection. And I have now passed it 250 times. That is a major life accomplishment and some people will never know what it is like to have a disability in that category.

Anyway I am going to be back to normal soon. I am still keeping my new bully blog up and the cumulative results of years of stuff is a factor that no one can just expect me to disregard as I protect myself from a real effort against me that puts my actual life at risk.

Anyway I don’t know what all is true because frankly there is a conspiracy and I think The Bridge does know what effect they will get if they close the gate, skip inspection, turn off the air conditioning, give me COVID, and make Conrad the janitor get too close to me twice.

But like I said, I think things are back to normal.

I think I can see the other problems as similar to normal also. And mostly ignore it all as usual life in the ditch.

Hello everyone, this is Refried. I woke up late today. I am glad I caught up on sleep.  I also am caught up on medicine. I just drank some coffee and I have therapy at 4:30.  At 4 I have to talk to my case manager who made me do inspection twice this week and was a no show friday. It is part of a pattern of disrespect and abuse that is starting again.  

I think what I should do now is address the next box to be mailed. I can do it. Just tape it up and put the address. Then tomorrow take it to the post office and go downtown to get medicine.

I am sad and unhappy about how life has turned out. Just weeks ago I was fine and now Karla has ruined things on purpose. My other socializing is also strained and stressed and I can't wait until life is over.

 Hello everyone, today is Sunday. I just went to bible study and it was great. I learned something about guardian angels seeing us in a good light and it makes me feel better about some problems.  That is all I will say. I told the bible study people some stuff and that needs to be enough.

So okay. I am sending around the kirkus review. I feel okay about it.  I got some likes but it could be bots.  I do not know if anyone will read the review. I hope I get about 50 reads.  I mean to me it is about doing everything I can, progressing through some kind of career even without any money, and using the opportunity of facebook even though they have harmed us all so much.

Tomorrow I go downtown and then I have inspection. I was supposed to have inspection friday but my case manager was a no show.  I believe she did it on purpose but today didn't seem as torturesome so I am giving her a chance.  However this is noted as a third major offense in a recent series of power plays that seem to indicate a plan to torture me again, send me to the hospital, raise my medicine, and ruin my life. The risk that it puts me at even right this second is a tragic horror that there is no excuse for. 

I think definitely I should continue with my video series and people of the future will see the full range of prophet duties. There are many things I have not said. 

 Hello everyone, I am participating in a spiritual retreat. There was a recording from Howard Thurman and it was hard to put into words the peaceful refuge he had from the world in that particular recording. My comments for the breakout session will probably be that it reminds me of psalm 23 and it reminds me of the treasure in the field.  And the speaker teacher pointed out that thurman suffered from burnout and it is interesting because it could have been the evil plot to try to destroy that amazing spiritual calm that was preserved. So that is neat. 

I am making an orange sherbet milkshake and I added vanilla ice cream to smooth it out.  I think after this carton of sherbet then I should switch to vanilla because the sherbet is too hard to mix. I mean it is nice when you order it because you know it wont be melted but it is an issue that it can't be mixed properly and easily enough.

So anyway, this is a good retreat and I almost couldn't make any food. And it is such a subtle effect, like the calmness and meditation.

Do you gice like my review.  At first I saw the 11 likes from the other post and thought it was for this and it was such a different feeling than the zero reactions.  I mean the facebook company has truly taken back such a gift and ruined a blessing that I had. They have depressed our country. It is a sad thing and I will probably testify in the actual judgement day trials about it.

But I am okay with my facebook share and the review.  My therapist said it was a good review and I could tell that is true and she really felt that way.  I think friends will like it too if they see it.  I did not send it to phone pals.

Some people might say ha ha but I think that the kirkus people liked the book.  I feel bad that I said they were dishonest because they really weren't at all.  And after I posted that credit card post I could see the difference between the justice levels.  Like Kirkus did me right.  So that is good. I feel better. I feel that the story collection will be mostly positive and then that will be done.  

Ok, that is all.  Thanks everyone for reading my blog!  

 Gice it is kind of a thing with the story shield.  The gator from a few years ago, the gators, the poem, the bench, the gate torture, the actual threats to me which is housing people and medicine and torture in the hospitals, the doctors without borders locations, near the bench and sky, and the gas station in asheville, the flood, the conferences, i mean i think you guys already figured all this out. 

It might be something people aren't supposed to "read" until later.  But I don't know.  Because why else would I pay attention to it. and then Connie, and Converse, Anne in Orlando, but I think there are signs of God helping us. I felt his power when Elise came to talk to mom, and the thing where I was excused from hip surgery care was actually not my choice and happened because of the house flood.

And because I fell.  So that is actually a clue of maybe a disguise that might trick someone who would confuse me with mom.  Like she is the fall risk and I fall and break the toilet and cause a flood six months later.

I mean does anyone have any thoughts about it. Probably just try to participate. I might have to use my computer that makes me look worse. Because this one has been heating up.  Maybe I should do that to stay humble.  I don't mean that like oh I have to be humble because of appearance, I mean it would really bother me and maybe that would manage other problems.  I mean I don't expect problems but you never know what kind of torment you will be in.

I think I will use this computer and it will be okay.  And I will keep my camera off a lot to conserve the heat up problem etc.  

Do you gice think I should not have posted that about the credit card. Well I did post it. 

And I said that to lawyers because honestly it is such a clear case for someone to just sign up to sue for a million dollars.  

 Hello everyone, I actually feel fine. It was a similar process as last time.

So anyway I shouldn’t say this but this story collection doesn’t feel like a star to me but Sparkity Bonkins did. But I think if I can get a good positive on this then that will be good. 

Anyway there are two things to get done and it looks like it will be tomorrow: the paperwork for the name change on Amex and mailing MC the books. She is getting a certain combo and not the thin books and I feel good about that. And then maybe mail greydorn and donut to the kirkus people.

My sandwich was good. I think strawberry jam is better on grilled cheese than what I did but it was still good.

Gice it’s not that easy being a slouch. It’s really my disability since I was a kid. 

Anyway I am thinking full out that form at 5 pm. Then do an envelope at 9 pm. Then at 11 address MC’s book box. Then at 1 prepare greydorn and donut novel mailer.

So that is a full day.

Then Sunday or Monday go to CVS. It might have to be Monday. 

I think I might email Wells Fargo and tell them that it offends me for them to over rely on me for feedback about their workers but not approve me for a credit card when my credit is above 700.

 Hello everyone, this is Refried. I’m having some trouble with my internet. I also thought of an idea to make a sauce to add to my grilled cheese which is with mustard and Worcestershire sauce. Well what if I just mixed that with the mayonnaise.

Maybe I will try to do that.

Gice, I feel good about my decision. It is weird, I just didn’t remember this book but I really wanted a perception of donut novel and I think I got a good perception.

I think they were nice, like they say something negative but then say it’s inconsistent well that means there is a positive.

I mean it is a weird process for me psychologically isn’t it.

Kind of funny how I said that about the odyssey etc.

Anyway I will try again. I just don’t want to make the sandwich before finishing this upload.

 Ok gice, I think the review went well.  The cover design is like the craft issue, like I made my choice to be very casual to the point of questionable grammar.  And they can't just tell people to buy that book when some people are getting low reviews on things that they did go pro on.  And can't I appreciate that? Yes, I can.  And they knew I could take it. They figure out what the person wants.  They know I want the words that mean funny, and they have given me like ten words to quote: funny, quirky, odd, eccentric, humor, comedy, amusing.  I mean that is good and I don't know all of it because I haven't actually tried to do a promo yet. I already gave up on that.

So anyway did I hurt anyone.  Well I do not know.  I mean frankly some of these blog posts could be valuable to some people.

Gice.  I think I should try to get some less professional reviews. But that was helpful wasn't it.  Still something to think about.  Like what if I did edit some stuff. I think probably not.  But they said the exact issues.

So okay. I mean what about the title. I hope no one copies me.  

The short story with the museum idea is something I wrote in 2005.  The copyright precedes anyone else's similar ideas.  I think some people know this. Also it is in email somewhere but possibly my converse email.  I think the Nance semester was also a backup on that.

So anyway, does anyone have any thoughts? I was already identified.

Well this is enough of that, isn't it.  I am sorry to be immature.  However, sometimes, this is it.  Like what is the thing, this is the thing.

Time to eat the food for dinner.  Does anyone have any thoughts?

I was not really giving my phone number to be flirtatious.  I just felt like I should give contact info. 

 Hello everyone, this is Refried. Today is Thursday, April 23.  It is 4:40 pm. I talked to my therapist and she thinks the review was good.  I mean I barely even used commas in the book.  And they were mostly nice about it.

So I think I can be thankful.  It is just a process like it was last time.  I will probably post the review on my facebook page and a link to my blog.

But not yet.  I might do an instacart order but I don't know.  It is almost 5 and I have a nice meeting at 6:30.  So I am doing okay.  It is time to count my blessings.  The mild covid is getting better and not worse, my review was okay and had positives, I didn't get swindled, people have helped me a lot as a writer, some work did reach a lot of people on facebook, I am alive and survived thirty years of mental illness, I talked to a friend unexpectedly today when I needed it, I have food and groceries, no problems like suffering kids I can't take care of, shelter that is mostly stable at least for now, and internet access, microsoft word, and I am not addicted to anything.  So that is good.  I mean I can feel the blessing and the message from God to be thankful for what I have. Like to the point where sometimes I don't know. 

Like that other kirkus review was higher praise than I realized.  And yet I can also say that is is kind of high for me to not have been happily published and be treated as a career writer instead of a wanna-be.

But that is going to be plenty clear to plenty of people.

So anyway, I am also thankful that my therapist made me feel better. She told me that I need to take my medicine.  She thinks I suspect things have to do with me when they do it to everyone.

I think she thinks that about Barnes and Noble and they are going to face a lot of responsibility for what they did to depressed people.  But the idea from the conspiracy is that they did a lot FOR depressed people, too, as long as you didn't work there.

And yet I did get to stay there and the assistant managers were nice.  So I mean I do not know.

Okay, that is a tangent.  I have a lot of disorganization. Kirkus liked my book.  They had to say it as they saw it.  The drop in ranking proves the brain damage and dementia and will be used as court evidence in the torture trial.

 Here are the review links:

https://www.kirkusreviews.com/book-reviews/refried-bean/donut-novel-imaginary-mice-series/

https://www.kirkusreviews.com/book-reviews/refried-bean/sparkity-bonkins/

Here are the two songs: 

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=u-1fwZtKJSM&list=RDTNwhnnJ2-nw&index=3

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TNwhnnJ2-nw&list=RDTNwhnnJ2-nw&index=1

 Hello everyone, this is Refried. Today is Wednesday, April 22. Unfortunately I did not take my medicine yet or sleep.  But I am caught up other than staying up too late.  I had some ups and downs and should have slept but I thought about the review and am okay with it. I mean I knew the book was sloppy in some ways and I still turned it in.  And I think the summary is cool and conveys the creativity. The mice books are cool and people could really get a kick out of it all.

Yes I am very upset about that news story and there is child abuse all over the country in all kinds of communities and we should be helping not hurting.  

I saw JC again standing in the air near my window, kind of not that warm and emotional as I was thinking about something but now can't remember. I do remember some of it. Ok I was thinking about how sometimes when I fear that God doesn't love me I have to choose to like him anyway and I think I would be advised to correct my perception and not let myself feel like I was doing anyone any favors but the feeling is that okay I am not one of God's favorites but I am still going to pray and only want that attention and be okay with everyone else hating me.  Like if God is all there is for me and he doesn't like me then what choice do I have but to still try for that friendship.  Anyway it was actually a good state of mind I was in even though I felt rejected. I mean this is God's plan in my life is this rejection and the various flavors of it.  I mean a literary low view of something plus thirty mental health workers treating me like crap me plus losing touch with people, it is an interesting combination, and yet there is a whole conspiracy of attention in the background over years of provision.  And then Jesus near the window but not matching a mood of friendly near young life leader Jesus.  I know that other people also have imaginings and actually are stuck and limited in some ways, but in some ways have him pictured pretty well as a friend.  I mean it works a certain way, the trinity, and imagining the near Jesus corrects some of the feelings of the distant father. But about the vision, it was still and formal, not in motion, about half the size of a window, but really just me aware of the window and then seeing JC and interpreting it as I thought about something that was kind of more satisfying, which was thinking of God seeing me pray to him anyway, thinking he doesn't like me.  I mean isn't that believable as something he would manage, like being caught being good, but it is in your mind.

But anyway I did see that but it wasn't that big of a deal. I think I am having a normal amount of seeing things and I am so glad because these are very mild sights and were almost totally gone with the overmedication.

I should take the medicine exactly but I just had stuff on my mind and became disturbed about it again at about 4 am.  So I should have taken the medicine at 3.

But anyway the review still matters to me. I think they try to make the most of it and I can see some ways that they do that and want to include key things.  And how they used the genre to convey some things.  Like they are helping me establish myself as sci-fi fantasy. I mean that is kind of cool.

I mean maybe some of this is so teens can make fun of me.  Like for them to see the inferiority of some of it.  For them to see the difference between this writing and some of the higher quality and yet isn't it kind of thoughtful.  Well I do not know.  People are too quick to say "what readers."

But anyway I am glad I am able to finish in my mind and accept the reactions to my books or even the overlook that has happened, the blindness, hypocrisy, etc. But I defend my insistence for ten years that something bad was happening, and I was being abused in my career, swindled, and experiencing a million dollar injustice. It isn't about the money but that quickly changes the scale from the hobby that people so desperately want to argue that it has always been.

When they ask for feedback I am going to tell them I think there could have been some more positives in a mixed review, and they looked for the craft weaknesses but ignored some of the other factors that frankly were extreme in the other direction, and as I said before, probably superlative.

 Hello everyone, it is Tuesday, April 21 at 11:18. I am feeling better about the review.  I think I am okay with it. I think they could have offered more praise as a balance but really they did give me good info, and I think they wanted to really be a blind reader and tell me things I did not know.  like for instance, waht they said about the journal format wasnt really it, but I think they are letting me know that the beginning I question might pass for a lot of readers as being like a journal narration.  That is actually helpful because I ahve worried about it.  They also said they liked the ending.  That is valuable to me.  They also classified it as fantasy, like it holds up as that genre. Well that is neat, and really kidn of generous, since it only overlaps with other realms and the mice mostly are in reality.  I mean I think that is nice.

What else.  They said some positives, and saying it meanders might mean they noticed my circumstantiality.  Like the book and plot don't really ramble but the writing does.  I am wordy and ramble a lot.  So I think they might have thought, okay, we will tell this person the craft weaknesses that we saw and you know what, it is all true and I know that.  But the good stuff is there, too, and why can't you say that.  I mean I gave you a chance to say only that if you really wanted to look for the best in it.

But anyway, I think that the books are going to reach people and certain goals I had are going to work.  I did want people to say, I could do this.  I mean even at 14 years old.  And I believe this book will work.  And I believe that it is similar to a child's imagination but with adult strength.  And the strength is humble and comes across almost like weakness.

But anyway I am happy that someone read my book.  I think some kirkus people have an idea of what I am about and it has not been apparent to everyone for a while.  So they know what I think of myself and what I am doing and they know kind of the comedy of it like what might be some unworthiness.

Anyway I mean maybe some of it is funny, I do not know. Maybe I will reread the review.  Maybe some people are interested in the summary and they know what they are doing to advertise our books.

Gice I just ate some of a taco and felt too full.  But it is okay. I do not have heartburn yet but it could happen later. I did not think about that.  I am going to drink some more coke, maybe make some coffee, and maybe some sherbet if I stay up late.

I think I won't have to go to the hospital because of this review.

 Hello everyone, this is Refried. It is Tuesday, April 21 at 3:23 pm. I have a meeting at 6:30.  

I just took a shower. So let's make a list of stuff I did today.  Texted with my sister, got coffee, gave a snack to someone, got my floor extra mopped, talked to Daniella about the gate, got a copy of the paperwork for name change, sent a job application, checked my video numbers, took a shower, went to taco bell, gave a nice person a nice book, picked up my packages from the post office, read over my proof copy, took a walk, rested, did well on my video game, and I think that is all.   That is 16 things. That is three days worth of stuff. I usually think five per day is okay.

Gice do you have any thoughts? What do you think of the new book.  I feel like I should have given the Taco Bell person a copy of Soul Blood to give to the worker in the back who I did not see. 

But I did not see them and I felt like Soul Blood was not the same as the book I gave the worker who was so nice to me.  So I just have to accept that. I mean honestly I think I should have given them two books and they would have had more of a clue of who I was.  But you don't just hand a worker your last will and testament.  And yet maybe I was supposed to.  

Well I do the best I can.  It was a good vanilla cream soda slush.

Soon it is time for afternoon coffee. I need to buy some new ice cream. I mean should I take another walk today? I think I will need to wait until tomorrow.

Or wait a minute. Are you Gice thinking what I am thinking? An instacart order soon?  Hmm.  And buy a lot of ice cream.  Like three containers of ice cream. Ok I will think about it.

 Hello everyone.  Thankfully, I caught up on sleep today. And my apartment is mostly comfortable again.  So that is good. It is about a week that it was too warm.  I question that since we are psych patients, and there is a law, and I pay rent.

Also today I walked to the post office to pick up some mail but I have to try again tomorrow.  The main thing I was waiting for was late because amazon does that on purpose sometimes to show who's in charge.  It is interesting because that wasted trip took away my strength to go downtown as I planned, so I did not get my medicine.  I mean who needs mistreatment like that.  And the other factor is that I had to walk an extra two miles because of the accessible entrance being blocked to my apartment.  

I think accessibility and accommodations is the angle I take when I do the grievance about not being able to get to the train easily enough.  Possibly I should have already written the email but I will write it tomorrow.

I think the issue is that they are making the train station unaccessible for disability. 

That might be one of the main arguments against most of their mistreatment in general.  I think that people figured that out a long time ago.

Anyway I think the goal now is to show up on actual Judgement Day with 90 enemies to be punished in front of all of humanity. I mean it is going to be awesome and it kind of makes you wonder what else the people did to reap this destiny.  There is one name I have not ever listed but I probably will. 

I think that Wednesday I will try to go to the grocery store.  So maybe later I will read some cook books. I mean I could do that right this second is peruse an old 80s cookbook.

I hope in heaven I am friends with some of the country bumpkins that still use those old cook books.

Well, have a good day everyone.

 Hello everyone, this is Refried. It is 6:35. I just took my medicine a little while ago. I should have taken it sooner.  But I had a crazy dream where I was taking a sheep on a trip and before you know it I was helping people walk into a muddy green area and we got stuck and it seemed supernatural.

And I thought I might have gotten hexed in some way by someone I prayed for.  I still feel like there is some spirit bothering me and I don't know what it is from.   Or a curse or something.

But anyway I need to go downtown today. I think I will leave at about 8:30 unless I fall asleep.

I just chatted with an American Express person because they are making me do paperwork to change my name and I already did that two years ago and they did not change my name.

Now it is a problem for me and I told them they had made it too hard for me and I am disabled and can't do things twenty times. But they said they need my social security number.  And they are making me mail in a form again but I did that two years ago and they told me to do the license process online instead and I did and then they didn't change it.  

So I told them it really hurt me that they wouldn't change my name.

Then I heard back from someone in my writing group.  She said she did not perceive one of the people as bullying me.  I think he does bully me though. I think he did call me a name last week. 

So I might just skip this week at the group.

So anyway I will go to Fed Ex, the bank, and CVS. It is not that hard. Just take the train to Astor Place.

Leave at 8:30.  Maybe see if I can sleep for two more hours now.

Gice people think it was a medicine problem last week but it wasn't.

Drena is mad at me.  But it wasn't from medicine, people really hurt me.

Well, have a good day everyone.

 Hello everyone. This is Refried. I feel happy because there was an unexpected part of my day where I did a virtual care appointment online. I talked to a new doctor for me named Dr. Sanapala. Kind of like “Snapple” which I sometimes drink at the Thai restaurant. And it is funny because my fatigue problem was from the Thai food I ate a few days ago. And I did not realize it. I thought it was from low iron.

Something else interesting is that I ate grape juice and Corn Pops while I waited and that is just too much like communion. I mean I am not trying to be a kook but it was kind of weird because in the waiting room I did invite Dr Snapala to Echo church.

So anyway she sent my prescription to CVS and hopefully that will go okay tomorrow. Walgreens was mean to me and makes me re ask my doctor for prescriptions when I don’t let myself be kicked around by their automated system. Their failure, their problem.

So anyway I am so relieved that the problem is familiar. I mean I didn’t even care if it was a bad disease but honestly the issue has more to do with not easily going to Walgreens. 

So anyway it was also funny because Dr Snapple knew that the “low energy” was the same fatigue as usual even though I told her it was different. I said usually I can’t walk to the grocery store and this time I could not walk to the post office. Like that is the difference between low iron and lupus. I should say food allergies but I think the actual mechanism happening is autoimmune. It is an autoimmune reaction to spicy foods.

So anyway I think I will email Becky this week and apologize for disappearing without a word.

Tomorrow I pick up my new book and I am glad about that. I mean it’s just like normal.

I need to reread the other two recent Bronx Combo books. Honestly soon there will be enough and I should not do more.

I think it is 8 from Manhattan and 8 from the Bronx.

I think people on facebook are tired of me promoting myself but I need to not read into only the troll who was mean to me last week. A lot of my facebook friends like me just fine. And I think we all lost each other because of algorithms, not because of self promotion and white supeemacy. I mean the more time goes on you can tell everyone just wants the same stuff: popularity and success. Only with some people they get persecuted for it.

But anyway I am sitting outside right now. I have sat outside a lot for five days. I like it out here.

Gice a while ago in my room I felt God’s love and as I remembered sitting on the benches at 180th street the sunlight came through my window onto my face and I think it was a message from God about me, my church, the heroin addict who I have the roast beef sandwich to but had that bad guy waiting to take it away, the gallbladder days, the hospital, the food stuff, like remember when I thought I could only eat fish and vegetables? And then today I ate fish sticks.

So I mean who knows. It is just weird because I have had a lot of signs like that but sometimes I feel like God is far and mad. But anyway I think the weather stuff might happen in relation to Middlechurch because do you remember that day when I was sitting outside near park view and the storm cloud coincided with something. It had to do with the church and I felt honestly kind of proud.

Anyway I didnt expect this post to be like this and I think this makes twice that I didn’t say something positive about Walgreens when some people were in fact nice to me and they are some of the most extreme heroes of our neighborhood but at the same time there is no excuse for some of the stuff that store has done to me. And making me have another appointment for medicine is an absolute outrage. I mean people could and should sue them for that.

Well, that is all for now. Tomorrow I have to go get a check, go to CVS, and really that is all isn’t it. Maybe Fed Ex for two things. I forgot what one thing is.

Gice I hope I can go to comedy class okay with the gate locked up now. Ok I think that was the other thing at FedEx. Gice is anyone mad at me? 

 Gice, today is Sunday, April 19. I just went outside and sat on the bench but it is raining a little bit. I drank coffee earlier and just ate jello.  Hopefully the jello will give me some energy and soon I will make some food.  I think maybe oatmeal might do the trick.  And some fish sticks.  That is yummy.  I wanted to go to McDonalds but it is too rainy.

I told Amanda that I don't think the conspiracy burned down our church. I gave her the phone number of the person who started the conspiracy. I mean that is all I can do and I think it was good self control that I didn't mess up their investigation when it was originally happening. 

But anyway tomorrow I will hopefully get a copy of my new book.  I think maybe I would enjoy reading more of these books in my free time.  But I actually have had some time away from making ai memes.  

I don't think I do that bad with my ai budget.  Don't you guys think I did okay? I just shouldn't be judged negatively for everything.

I miss Ravneet and hope she can go to some restaurants with me soon. Should I be looking at cookbooks? Was I wrong that the torture is over? I mean maybe they are still going to torture me.

So are you Gice thinking cereal is on the menu for today? Well maybe for dessert.

I felt happy when I gave Diamond the pack of cheese.  It made me happy. And I sent Amanda a message.

Gice are there friends I am supposed to be calling? I mean I do not know.

I miss my friend Lauren and I think she might have hurt me to document what Hannah did.  But to me it felt like she really took Hannah's side.

I miss Danielle too, Danielle Spector.  And Courtney.  Gice am I supposed to still be writing stuff? Like some imaginary animal scenes or something? I genuinely feel like I can't.

Well, that is all everyone. Maybe som new videos later for my bullying blog but I think I don't need to rush that and it can mostly be therapeutic.

Ok next up is books for MC. What should I send. I think she wants a copy of the mice books and then maybe Library Book, and then what, maybe some thin books. I mean I do not know.

Well, have a good day everyone.

 Gice I forgot the epilepsy conference. I just didn't register when I got the email.  I thought I would remember it and Friday I did remember it wand I was like hmm I think I didn't register. So my weekend could have been very different.  I mean maybe I am not functioning well. 

Are they mad at me, I do not now.  I mean it was a light touch with the affiliation, and finally when the trains didn't go there properly, I missed it. Are people saying ha ha about it?

I could have said hello to Anli Liu. Sorry Dr. Liu. I wish I had not missed it on either year.  But I also have a sleep problem right now and have to walk an extra mile to get to the train.

So anyway I missed out but am doing the best I can.

Does anyone have any thoughts? I think I will send Marissa Hudson a note and see if she wants to get lunch soon.

 Hello everyone, do you Gice like my poem from yesterday? I think it was awesome. Like so stupid and reflects a real idea but also kind of not caring in a certain way.  And yet I did care.

So anyway, I got some sleep but not a lot. Probably about 6-7 hours. I mean okay. 4:13, then maybe 5, woke up at 1 pm. I mean that could be 8 hours. I dreamt I was volunteering somewhere with New York cares and I was cleaning a lot of stuff and I told them about my guinea pigs. That was what the main discussion was about.  It was sweet and nice to think about Fred, Roger, and Dave.

I can't tell if I am being sharked by someone and I don't know what it means. I feel that I was nice to that person and was a sincere participant in something that was obviously relevant to me.  So I guess just do as normal. I mean I do not understand, I really don't. Possibly the issue is that I became more public in the past two years with more christian themed stuff and some people are mad about public straightforward christianity that isn't themed around criticizing the south. Like maybe they think you either hate the south or are the south.

Well I do not know. I really don't.  But it is weird to lose three associations in one week.  Is it because of the recent book? I really think there is not much in this book that is relevant to anything like that. Is there a poem? I mean I do not know. I am not used to anyone caring about the content of my rhymes especially.

And possibly that was the role I did not expect was to have a conspicuous rejection from literally everyone. Just for people to generally hate me. I mean I do not know. Am I supposed to be talking more to phone a friends? I mean I do not know.

Gice pretty funny Sunday post from Nancy. I just think it was kind of funny. Like to me it passes as a sincere Sunday share. But maybe it is not a laughing matter but I think she is going to be okay and might be doing her part. Like that is what I genuinely think.

Well anyway, I made coffee. Should I sit outside. I mean I do not know. Is there a project I can work on? I mean maybe I should do some more art memes. That is what  facebook was saying and boost for less.

Well hmm I do not know. I am just doing one video right now and I feel good about it.

 Hello everyone, this is Refried. I am sitting outside because it is cool outside and it makes me feel better. I feel fine I am just tired of my warm room. But it has gotten better but interestingly is still too warm.

I think I won both of the recent power plays. Because even though they lied to my face about the air conditioning, I believe my prior report meant that they got a visit from the up and ups and were found noncompliant. But it is sad because they are my friends but they made their choice. It is pretty serious to mess up a whole building of psych patients sleep for four days during every single season change.

So anyway I think my video page is going well so far. I have a lot more ideas for posts. I think I had videos along this line a year or so ago and did not know what to do with them. So now this is that and I think it will be a success to just share the blog occasionally.

I boosted a mouse video and I am happy with it. I think it adds variety. I am proud and happy to contribute to the wide world and perennially everlasting genre of mice characters and mice scenes. I believe it will also never get old in heaven.

I think I am not doing a virtual appointment tonight because I am ok for now. I don’t feel the low energy feeling. I think I will save that for when I also need a psychological boost.

Does anyone have any thoughts about missing the presentation today? I am sad and think I would have liked to give them one more chance.

However I think if this was going to be a charade like the church status was for so long except this time it’s my career, then no thank you.

I am thankful that I caught up on some sleep this morning. Hopefully I will sleep better tonight and be doing better. But I was okay today and was thankful for that.

I think my medicine is okay even if I miss a dose sometimes. Well, have a great day everyone.

 Hi everyone, this is Refried. The weather is great today and I am sitting outside. I feel tired and fatigued and it is either from low iron or lupus. I am thinking it is from the low iron. Because I haven’t eaten spicy food and it actually feels more like low energy than fatigue.

I am missing a presentation today that probably would have been really good. But I feel like I would actually be participating in a charade where I pretend that I haven’t already reached certain levels of writing. And I felt that would be helping the oppressors maintain their discrimination practices that keep me from providing for my family.

Anyway along those lines I started a new video page called bully chronicles. So far I have three videos and I think I can find more on my phone. Some of it will be a specific series called the question show where I discuss respect issues. And the rest of it will probably be about specific incidents. I wish I had this two years ago but I don’t think it is too late to revisit some material and it is going to be awesome.

 Hello everyone, this is Refried. Today is Friday, April 17. I am working on getting my room ready for inspection. I took out two bags of trash, picked up clothes, cleaned the counter, made the bed, and that is all.  However after last inspection I cleaned the shelves in two areas. So I think even now I am okay. But I might keep chipping away at a few more chores.  Inspection is at 12 pm.  So that is in three hours. The room is too warm because they do not have the air conditioning on.  I think they should by now because it is the law.  But I do see that we have a cooler week ahead of us so I am trying to be patient.  And yet I do lack sleep and it is really not right for them to mess up our sleep during a season change.  That is why there are laws.

But anyway I just texted with a friend of mine about an idea I have for a product.  And I ordered supplies and think I could sell twenty items this month and get started.  The idea is for albatross necklaces.  I think really I could do a whole series with some variety.

It is weird that it took me so long to get it done but I found some charms to use and some matching chains, and I just need to make copies of the poem, Rime of the Ancient Mariner. The poem is actually kind of sad but the joke is funny.  Who will I market to? Will I just do giveaways? I mean I do not know.

Well, have a good day everyone.

 Gice it is too warm in my room. It is actually illegal for them to not have the air conditioning on. They do it every spring and fall for as much as they can get away with.

Tomorrow is inspection. I could have used some sleep. I think instead I will try to get things cleaned one thing at a time instead of sleeping and getting it done at 10 am.

Gice a weird facebook day.

 Gice in my mind just now I could see the good Americans and the good country that didn’t treat me like crap. I could feel it like what nice people. It has been hidden for a while. I hope I can recover my respect.

Gice probably soon a sherbet shake. One more day of a warm room. Actually I could go outside for a while now.

 Hello everyone, this is Refried. It is Thursday, April 16. Tonight I went to a mental health group and it was great with nice people. I wasn't that helpful for others but I shared a good chunk of gender experience.  Like how I absolutely can't compromise on clothes but am totally okay with no surgery, like genuinely of course not.  Some people aren't like that.

But anyway I posted my book. I mean was I weird, I don't know. I don't have to boost the post. I just decided to say what I think the conspiracy thought of for me to say. And it is ridiculous.  I genuinely don't see it.  I mean are they trying to help me understand how other people don't see my missing career?

I think the poem book sandwiched in the other thin books is special.  It is a surprise, and supernatural.  But I don't think it is the Odyssey or Paradise Lost as some people insinuated to me through secret messages. 

I mean was I stupid to bring it up? I just don't see that as my comps, though I do see some other stuff as my comps. So maybe that is the issue is that it isn't as good as my mice series or joke book.

I mean Joke book is good. I think I should do an ad soon and I will do that purple joke and then the joke book link very soon.  

Probably not until tomorrow though.

Gice I am having a hard time because it is so warm in this building but I think we have a cooler week so far.  I should have gone downstairs and visited earlier but I didn't because I forgot.

Does anyone have any thoughts? I mean is the point that those books aren't that good anyway?

 gice 

i feel that i will really miss out on that presentation about writing clean humor for teens.

but i wont be talked to like i'm a beginner or worse, treated like my work is dirty in some way. it should have been game over after that scholarship application.

like a phone call and then I get a phone call from a publisher.  

but instead it is the same game as my church did where people take turns trying to convert me even though I have followed jesus for thirty years. only now it is three masters degrees a hundred books and a hundred million social media in other countries. but please tell me your little puns and teach me to be as clean as you

Need Not Apply

 Hi Kate, this is Refried, just wondering if you want to talk on the phone next week sometime.  This week I unexpectedly quit two writing groups! One because a guy in my small critique group was bullying me, and the other because the organization took back their conference scholarship when i told them I was gay. 

I will tell you all about it but it is kind of sad. It took me a few weeks to realize I would not have equal status in the conservative group and I would have no path to publicity like the other people do. 

In the other group a guy had harassed me a few times before and this time came in the group late and addressed me as "Re-cunt." Like "Refried," but a bad name.  Can you believe that? It is because he does not like my religious poems.

That is kind of crazy. I thank you for not being like that!!!  I enjoyed Patricia's presentation! I remember her last one and it was also awesome. 

Ok have a great day, Kate, I am doing okay, just staying in touch.

from Refried Bean

 Ok everyone, I know the pope has other stuff going on but I think he is also addressing some of my compromises of speech in recent months.  The way I started calling people names and I do not know what else. But I like his association with "darkness and filth."  I think there might be one other thing that is like mistreatment of some kind.  like darkness, filth, and abuse.  I mean I am not trying to edit him.  I am just thinking of what is that stuff.  And I think there might be one more offensive category. 

Anyway I will try to clean it up some with my behavior but if you think about it I didn't do nothing this year. I wrote stuff, took classes, visited family, and managed money. And did the videos which are innocent.

But anyway it is time for inspection soon and I can't miss meds again. 

I mean are people mad at me. I am kind of mad at me. I am doing the best I can. I am actually only four hours late on medicine because I took it in the morning yesterday.  So maybe after therapy. But I do not know.  Maybe I will clean up the apartment some. 

Gice it is warm in my apartment and that is not that easy to handle but only one more day okay and then we have a nice cool week.

Anyway I fixed the soul blood book and I think it will be good.

Well have a good day everyone.

 Gice, this is from one of my churches: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EvUOKlp4NBo

It is a really good service and I am inspired to pray for all those people.

They knew I accidentally got scared of satan in certain way and addressed it.

I personally appreciate that even though some of it is probably my condition.

It was about the lords prayer which I like a lot.

Basically a good sermon about the lords prayer.

I think I will try to clean things up with complaining, bragging, laziness, etc.

But anyway I have done ok sometimes.

 Hello everyone. Today is Tuesday, April 14. I just took a walk.  It was a little bit warm.  I think I need to use my fan.  I should turn it on immediately.

I finally got my credit card mail and I can't believe it but Citi Simplicity is accepting me again as a customer.  It is for less than I hoped but it still was not a no, which was what I expected.  I really like their company and theirs was my favorite card. And I think it was nice for them to take me back after I closed that same exact card. 

So anyway, it will take the edge off my maxed out video budget.  And I will at least be able to wait until the next few months catch me up.  Because really I did hit the edges which is different from the past year. I used some self control this past year.  Do people ever consider that when they judge me?  How I kind of do have limits and responsibility sometimes?

But anyway my next step is to figure out a good balance between not sharking people and defending myself against those who might steal everything.  So far that has not happened.

I have another thin book to publish. It is interesting because I knew I had a little bit of material but not a lot and then suddenly I do have enough.  I actually have one more interesting email that I could add but I might not. I mean I do not know.

So anyway I need to do the fan and a milkshake and I will feel better.

 hello everyone. I have not taken my medicine yet. I am going to take it at about 9 or 10. I might not do the application for that thing yet. I do not want to be too early. 

I mean I might be wrong like it might be too expensive and hard to get to. I could still decide not to.

Maybe I need to think about it some more.  But it seemed like it could be good to participate. But let's see, who would I know. I would have a workshop leader, I would try to talk to J. Hirshfield, and I would know Nickole a little bit.  And I could probably make friends.

I mean honestly I think this matches a plan from the last ten years or so where I go to one conference a year.  And I am not sure I have even missed a year except for the hospital torture.

I think if I have any trouble at the shuttle I will call Dilarom.  I think we already busted them.  It is something every time. That cop who was mean to me, the shuttle person who tried to not let me get on the shuttle, Daphne and her little diabetes scam, the intake person who tricked me on purpose, I mean maybe that was it for this time.  I think if it is something every time then I need to do a lawsuit. Because they have a problem they are not addressing but could.

I think I am still far from becoming an overt problem myself, though.  Probably someone will try to prove me wrong.  I mean that is the point though, is that people tried to bring that out in me for thirty years and the results were mostly forgiveness and patience and friendship with the nicer people.

But anyway I did not want to be thinking about that. I was going to pray and got distracted and then worried that maybe it was God who did not feel like talking to me.  But I am sure that is okay.

Then I ate a little more food.  No sherbet shake but maybe in a little while.

Am I going to apply for that thing. I mean maybe look at the application.

Do I need to do a needs statement for a scholarship.  I kind of think go ahead and support fully. 

I mean if you think about it that was always the feeling with this poetry stuff and school and I wonder if there is a reason like in heaven we see just how comforting those communities were, and how effective and meaningful, and people will want to have done full support. I mean I do not know, I just try to interpret the meaning of certain things that happen.

But anyway I figured out that I am safe within my life and this was meant to be, where I live, what I do, all my problems and foibles.  Which reminds me I still need listen to that elf thing.

Gice I am going to be having more intrusive thoughts that make me feel guilty and make me worry about people feeling unloved.  But it is my illness and it is good that I have less medicine and feel better. I am able to walk and cook again so let's be happy. I am okay being mentally ill on this level.

I thought about posting a post about the conspiracy and had it ready in my mind but decided to be forgiving and patient for now.  You know what I really miss is that article about escalation. I wish I could easily refer to it but I guess it is just in a book.

Do you guys like my videos? I think the videos are cute and I am thankful for my hobby and I think that it lines up to one year per thing.  Jokes, book videos, art memes, and now videos.  

 Hello everyone, this is Refried. Today is Sunday, April 12. I just watched the video of my church today. It was great.  Tomorrow I go to my psychiatrist appointment.  Last time someone was mean to me on the shuttle. It was racism. I can't remember if I reported it but I might have.

I had a good weekend and played my new video game a lot.  It is really fun but I get stuck on a level sometimes. 

I had a stomachache from a food allergy but it is getting better.  Once it is gone then I will eat some chicken and rice with peanut sauce.  Then maybe some sherbet, then some coffee. I mean maybe I should drink some coffee now.  But I think I am okay for now.

Ravneet said I could say hello to the NYP virtual people but I think I am okay. But this is a good reason to do an online appointment but really it is a familiar problem and I believe that I am okay.

Tomorrow morning I need to wake up early and apply to something. I think I am going to try to take a trip in October.  But possibly it is too much for me. If it is then I should figure that out now. I mean I do not know but I think I do want to go to the event but there is a point of no return. And sometimes I think back to my Asheville trip from last time and can't believe I did that because it was kind of hard and dangerous.

I will say again that I am not happy with the news and I am truly more in the liberal camp of things.  But I see the liberal bad side a lot too.  I mean it is pretty bad and I am thinking of memories where I can't believe how much I smiled and nodded with really no good outcome anywhere in sight.

So anyway there is an outcome which has to do with prayer and that is my job and other things aren't my job so I will let other people do what they do.

Gice honestly I think God gave each side an election. And permanence of either thing would have pros and cons.  So why not take the pros of all of it.  

Well, that is all. I think I will write again soon.  Gice I think I have literally no material at all for another thin book.  I think maybe 5-10 blog posts were very interesting but there are no poems and stories or memes for another book. I mean what does it mean, I do not know.  But do you notice how I haven't just published some meaningless drivel during this time? No, I worked on videos.  And in January I had that supernatural poetry book stuff, and then I mailed a batch of books out.  So I am mostly just being moderately productive and managing mental illness.

Well, have a good day everyone.

 Hello everyone, this is Refried. It is 8:13 on Sunday. I am adjusting to feeling better. In a way it might take time to get used to less rest.

I had a good day today and tomorrow I go to my psychiatrist appointment. I should take my medicine at about 1 am later.

I am sad that the thing with Iran is not over. And I am sad about the draft.

My girlfriend said she was proud of me and told me I could order Thai food. I forgot the coconut sticky rice but I have some sticky rice for the peanut sauce.

I already ate two things. I might drink some coffee soon.

Life is kind of easy sometimes so I really need to do my part with prayer. 

At Bible study tonight we read a pretty crazy section of the Bible. I learned a lot.

Well have a good day everyone.

 Hello everyone, this is Refried. It is 8:18. I am making videos. I upgraded my subscription. It is expensive but I believe that this is my main next hobby. I believe this is legitimate creative work during a time that I am mostly finished with my main writing ability.

Actually I thought of a story recently and I forgot to write it. Did I write the idea down? Do you guys remember? I think that I had an idea for some kind of funny scam. I might have turned it into a joke.

Hmm I do not remember. I think it was a scam like an alien hoax or something.

It was something that I felt had never been thought of before and I could not believe it.  Possibly I said it in a discussion group.

I am trying to make videos and hopefully I will get about three keepers in this session.

I will do a blue guy with checkerboard rings, maybe something with a hoop or ladder, and a mouse building a wall from glowing blocks. I will not be able to send them around yet online but that is okay.

 Hello everyone, this is Refried Bean. Today is Saturday, April 11. I took two walks today and picked up some books at the post office. I believe I have all the book shipments that I can afford for a while. 

My walks were good and the weather was nice. I got a coffee on my second walk and downloaded a new video game that is really fun. It is a military game and interestingly, I feel that it blends with my prayer life and forgiveness.  The way the soldiers make the marching enemy go away seems exactly like my forgiveness prayers working against whatever hate is against me.  I mean I almost can't keep the two things separate in my mind, and feel like I am still playing the game as I pray and vice versa.  And then when I checked my instagram videos, that blended too, though I don't see that as being the same thing as my forgiveness prayers.  I don't see it as having the spiritual component that the religious memes did.

So that is interesting. It does have some kind of component but I haven't figured out the exact spiritual feeling from it that happens. 

So anyway, I went to a Mensa discussion today and it was very interesting.  It was more political than usual and it got kind of heated. Honestly it was hard to believe but I did okay. I might have talked too much and gotten the last word too often.  But I don't attend that often.  Maybe it is a reminder to be more quiet in bible study Sunday if I go to that.

I thought about attending church tomorrow in person but I do not know if I will or not. 

Should I tidy some more sections of my apartment? Well I do not know. Maybe clear out some clothes to give away. Or finish the table.  Possibly it is fine as it is. In fact I think the thing to do is choose some recipes and cook something.

I feel more hopeful about the economy and think that if we can even keep what has lasted going throughout these years after the pandemic and all the crisis, then surely the whole thing can recover another 30 percent or so.  But I know I am a charity case, but that might not always be the case.

So anyway, hopefully things will keep getting better for me. I think I will send in that application on April 13 for the fall thing if I am able to.  Am I forgetting anyone to tell about it? I do not know. I think they are publicizing it some and there is a financial component that would account for a smaller crowd if they get fewer applicants at first.

But anyway I hope I won't let anyone down.

I think I can just mail books to the other thing if they want some.

Well, that is all for now. I think that I might have enough blog posts for another thin book, but there are no poems and stories and memes.  So to me that is not good enough.  Does anyone have any thoughts? Do you gice think it should be about emails? Hmm I do not know.

 Hello everyone, this is Refried. I got some groceries delivered and it went okay. I can’t always get groceries delivered but it was nice this time and included water, ginger ale, milk, and sugar. Those are all heavy things and the gate next to my building is closed.

Today someone from HHC was mean to me but I guess just keep praying for their racism problem.

I had a good group today at Nami. 

I have now used all my cash for videos.

I believe I can tolerate a break in the hobby.

I feel that I am also able to accept the end of my book career though I suspect the books will reach people.

I do not know what to eat now that some grocery normalcy is restored. I think I could cook some recipes. So weird to have been restricted on potatoes in a certain way.

I guess this is part of a prayer project to experience all the Bronx problems but I think that is an illusion and you can’t experience other peoples problems so you should just try to be productive in service to others. I do mostly believe that from having stuff wasted and knowing I myself would like a Pepsi and nachos instead of a weird swindle where someone pretends to relate.

Anyway I am doing okay, I guess I will just eat some Corn Pops and pudding and jello for a while.

 Hello everyone, this is Refried. It is 2:30 pm. I cleaned my apartment for inspection today and then after inspection discarded about four piles of stuff and cleaned my shelves and books. 

So that is good. I might have to give away poetry books instead of joke books for a while.

I think next I will clear the trash mail off the table. I don’t know if that will be today.

I need to do an Instacart order. Should I wait and do it tomorrow morning? Actually Sunday morning went well last time. I just feel like I should clear out as much trash and stuff out of the apartment before doing a good food order. Possibly I should go outside for a while. That is what my therapist said to do.

Does anyone have any opinions?

 Hello everyone, this is Refried.  I had a good day. I woke up having a dream where I kept finding people's cell phones and wrote their name in the notes section and it was all Indian friends from online.

Then I had a therapy appointment and it was great. Thanks a lot, Drena. I think Drena thinks maybe I should do IOP this summer if they have room.

Then I took out the trash and took a shower and gave myself a haircut. Wow I needed a haircut and it looks a lot better now.  That was my fastest haircut, I just chopped it off in about five chops and now it feels okay. 

Then I went to a meeting about a poetry event in October. I think I will try to go if I am able to. I might invite a few more people too from off their list. I just think from what I can tell it would be good for them to have plenty of applicants.  It is kind of expensive and that might limit the number of people but I think I will try to go if I can.

I worked on my application today. I like the people who run the thing and are attending so far.

It is weird how it is a different time of year and might work out better for me than a summer thing.

So that is interesting. It is also cool that Jane Hirschfield is going to be there because it kind of seems like she is doing the Young Life thing where they go to your game but she is stopping by Asheville to show care after the hurricane and flood.

So anyway I just had a milkshake and was reminded of the nerds station because it was orange and cherry.  

I am not really able to read my poems. I wanted to read horizon cow and think about how Jody perceived it, Jody Gladding, my teacher. But I was not able to read.  I think tomorrow I might tell Elizabeth Coleman about the October event.  She might like to visit Asheville but I hope it will be safe but I did not mention that at the meeting.  I mean they already waited a year. 

Now I need to make a list of what to do for inspection: clean counter, do dishes, tidy clothes, pick up stuff, sweep and mop, clear out fridge and freezer, clean up book mess, clear table.  So maybe at one am do some of the main stuff, then 2 am do the books and table, then 3 am medicine, then 10 am get up and finish all the stuff.  but maybe finish now. I had all week and did not do any of it.

Drena says I shoudl get outside more if I can. I will try to do that but it is not easy necessarily.

But anyway does anyone have any opinions?

 Hello everyone, I’m his is Refried. I just did one load of laundry. I read about a crime and am reminded that the death penalty should be used about fifty times more often than it is. Possibly a hundred or five hundred times more often. I don’t know why people are so hesitant about taking someone’s life when killers do just that all the time.

I think it is because people might not be moral and that is the main way to pretend you are moral is to oppose all killing. 

That is sad.

I don’t think there is anything I can do about it except explain that in my books sometimes.

Well that is all for now. I am really tired.

 Hello everyone, this is Refried. I just went to a poetry event and I was an hour late but I had a good time for thirty minutes and heard Jane Hirshfield read a poem.  And I just love that person, she is a fellow religious poet and might be genuinely the closest like mind to me in the poetry world because of that. I mean I do not know but it could be something like that.

So too bad I was late and kind of weird because I missed another Nickole Brown event. That is a pattern. I mean something interesting is that I did go to the asheville residency at risk to my own life but then didn't go to the animal farm and could have. But in a way I couldn't have because it was not easy staying in the hostel. And now what is it a reminder of. It is a reminder that you know what, I have had a tight budget in some ways. People think I just fling around all the money but it wasn't that easy sometimes.

But anyway this is an interesting development. I mean hmm.  I mean should I try to attend some stuff in October. I just don't know if I can. I mean if Ravneet helped me maybe I could.

Maybe I will go to that meeting tomorrow.

I saw a religious vision today but when I saw it, I could not really tell that it wasn't just me imagingin it but then this evening I could see it in my mind and it was so true.  It was Jesus on his throne being glorious, kind of in the sky to the left of lots of us lower and just there in some way. I mean that is interesting. I feel like the take away wasn't about him being in control but was more about him being glorious and it was different from the cross scene.  so that is interesting. Usually I type this kind of things in emails to myself but I guess here it is on a blog post.

I repeat that this didn't feel as seizure oriented but upon reflection it is not something I would jsut imagine in my mind and is kind of static.

So anyway that is nice. I am so glad if I can see visions again. I feel so much better on this medicine amount and I should be walking every day. I think I could have taken a walk today in a coat instead of checking instagram as they delayed it for a while. 

But anyway now it is 9:26. I mean what if I attended that thing in October and sent in the exact poems from the other workshop.  But I bet I would miss it just like all the other events. 

So sad about the flood, I was just thinking of that today or yesterday, where the rain starts, and it is worse than usual, and then houses are washed away. I mean it is so sad. But some people survived and hopefully feel God's love and care.

But anyway, it is 9:30. So I will take my medicine at about 3 am. Should I maybe clean and take out trash or something.  

Ok the list is: take out trash, tidy clothes, do some laundry.  Okay that is the thing is at 11 pm do laundry.

Gice I feel okay with the poets, like not mad and resentful.  They did not torture me.  Some other people tortured me. I mean why is that, I do not know.  

Well have a good day everyone.

 Hello everyone. I think instagram is going to make the numbers be less for that mouse and coin slot post. That is what they did on my other coin video. I think it has to do with not flashing money in another country.  But I believe the coin theme is great for the mice videos and I will not waste the video. I personally think if they cut my numbers on it then they should apply that value to another post but I think they just say well ups and downs live and learn.

But it is okay. My numbers were good on the other posts and it is definitely the deal of a century or millennium. 

As for the joke books, it would be good to have some more copies to give away. I just don't understand why I can't have a normal income for good obviously valued work.  I think too many people are too okay with it. 

But anyway it is okay. I am thankful for what I have of course. I mean of course I am.  But anyway, it does mess with you when your numbers are less but mostly the numbers are good so ups and downs live and learn. Maybe check the posts on my phone instead so I can see the more accurate accounting.  However I think we are looking at an extreme drop for that video that is so freaking cute. I just don't appreciate it being wasted by 50 percent or more. I mean it could be as much as 60 percent drop. And I think they are wrong about it. I think poor people like seeing mice with coins. 

So anyway I perused for an agent and concluded to maybe just go with the self publishing and for some reason I can't do an ad right now. I think that photo of the mouse with the torch is what I will use. Probably someone will see it and submit and ai novel and get an agent.  It is just interesting to me and people think no one will know or see the industry for what it does. Well I see it, good and bad.

Ok everyone, it is cold outside but I could wear a coat and walk somewhere but I just feel like it is too cold to do that.  But maybe I am wrong. Maybe a little afternoon walk would be good. 

I just ate some Cheerios. Gice live and learn, ups and downs.

 Hello everyone, this is Refried. I am back home and it is cold outside. I am trying to be patient and wait until maybe tonight to boost those two videos I want to boost. I just think maybe I should wait until the current three get to the halfway mark. But actually one is at the halfway.  I think six days might be too long for me to wait and 5 days is the correct boost.

However I am about to be out of money anyway. Like I will seriously need to abruptly halt. But it is okay.

What will I eat today, I am thinking cereal. I am thinking corn chex.  I think if I do an instacart order then I will try to get stuff for casseroles like potato, green bean, maybe even sweet potato.

Gice am I getting on y'all's nerves by checking instagram obsessively? Well I think it is good that I have a good new hobby. I think it kind of is what it is. Maybe that is ungrateful to God to say because it is such a cool tool for someone like me. But anyway I wonder if maybe I need to be searching for an agent for the mice books. I mean what do I want? Maybe ads would be better.  Do I want them to make a movie out of it? Not necessarily.  I just want some readers for the books and to not waste all of it.

Are people scared that I will go right wing on them? I mean I do not know. Also is PTS mad at me? I do not know. Probably it is part of the conspiracy.

Gice you know what would really help me is a sudden extra credit card. But I don't think that is happening.  But I wish Citi had done that for me but I understand them not doing it.

Anyway I think that is the thing I will focus on to not be too obsessed with the instagram videos is to look for agents online. 

Gice about India, some stuff is in God's hands.

 Hello everyone, this is Refried. I tried to walk to Starbucks but it was too cold. So I am drinking some coffee here. I feel happy and content.

Gice Indian people were nice to me. I just can’t say how much it changed my life. Same with the African countries too but wow I got a lot of nice messages from people in India who say good morning to me a lot.

I just saw Daniella downstairs. She was nice to me.

I need to clean my apartment but it could be worse.

Well, have a nice day everyone.

 Hello everyone, this is Refried. Today is Tuesday, April 7. Later I will try to go to the post office and see if my clothes are there. I will take the cart and walk very far.

I might also work on cleaning or laundry, or see what my grocery status is.

I feel good back here in my apartment.  I feel happy late at night. 

I am really glad I was able to file taxes electronically.

I think that my books are secretly selling though I should do a few more ads soon.  I can't spend much more on video boosts but I definitely got a lot out of this past budget. I mean frankly I am at 20 million for the whole video hobby so far. That makes a solid third phase of entertainment from me. I think my overall goal for the year will be 80 mil. That will be like a 40 60 80 total content creation career.  And a 200 million total.  That is really a blessing.

So what next is maybe exercise.  

I feel a lot better after my medicine adjustment. I think I am also mostly caught up on sleep. I think I got about 6 or 7 hours last night and 8-10 hours the night before.

I need to take a shower and then maybe at one o'clock I will go to the post office. It is so bad that I go during that lunch hour time but that is really when I am able to.

What else after that. I mean I do not know. I should cut my hair soon too. Will I do that today? Maybe.

Gice let's be honest. My reach was 10 10 10.  But I think that is good.

Gice each Eastside graduate gets a stadium to work with in heaven.  As a club of constituents.  That is how it works. I mean from when I was there. 

Gice I believe a lot of the suffering now is a societal sacrifice as christianity reaches more places in the world through many outlets. A lot of people who aren't expecting it might get a cultural martyr designation in their heaven evaluations. Sorry but I really believe that and I think for me I am actually part of the social media outreach being facilitated by other people having health problems and poverty. No one needs to get mad, I am not talking about certain economics of it but am mostly innocent about that too. I am just saying, can you see a big picture view of this millennium.

The other thing is how God provided for us. What he did with social media. I mean it is a mess now and political problems but in a way that meant more material that mattered. But we were stressed and many of us trapped and then we got this literal feed of socializing and entertainment.  It was just what we wanted.  And we are the 80s children and got smartphones. I mean it is just awesome. I just can't believe it. 

Anyway I feel humbled by the evangelical music that got churned out.  That simply wasn't me.  I think that the liberal social harvest is also amazing and a permanent resource and witness for the world. Such as Obama, etc.

Well, that is all. I am really glad to be back home and thankful for my trip to Greenville. I am sad to not have seen people I wanted to see but really am still coasting on the last meet ups.

 Hello everyone, I did my taxes. I recommend H and R block online filing, 34 dollars.  It was easy, thanks everyone.

 Hello everyone, this is Refried.  It is Sunday, April 5. I just got back from my trip. I am in my apartment now.  The subway was not crowded this morning and I am glad I broke up the trip with a hotel.

The staff at the hotel weren't that nice to me. So I don't know if it will still be my go to place but I am at least glad I have one option for emergencies.

They closed up the hole in the gate so I had to walk an additional half mile to get home. I don't respect that but I am just thankful to be alive and have housing for now.

Today is Easter so I will maybe attend a service online. Maybe later I will go to Starbucks.

Well, that is all besides my next posts which I think are rather interesting.

Have a great day everyone.

 Hello everyone, I am in my hotel room. It is 8 pm. I think possibly I will conclude not to do this next time. And this time it did eat up the rest of my video budget.

But I am happy to be comfortable for a while and sleep and then take the train home tomorrow morning. Honestly it might be harder tomorrow because of the Easter parade but I think I know what route to take. 

It is hard to carry my bag when my pants are too baggy. But it will be okay tomorrow. It was okay today. 

There was a wifi scam where the person said I could have free wifi but then it is only if you join Marriott bonvoy points club. But the button says "Join" so you think you are joining wifi but it is the points program.  That is another toxic zap. I thought this hotel was a happy solution to not having a go to refuge as a backup plan but I might have to go back to kind of just having a more strict poverty status and not having a place in Manhattan as a backup.

I told my mom the truth about being here and she did freak out but then saw it my way fast enough. I mean that actually is just a sad part of my life. It is some suffering.  How hard it was to travel, how I tried to make it easier this time but it wasn't really easier.

I was a bonvoy member but they did not properly change my name either upon request and they did not help me know how to use the points for a hotel stay so I actually closed the credit card that made me eligible. 

So this endorsement might not be working out that well for them but I am staying here for now and hopefully will have a good night. 

I feel kind of lonely and need friends to talk to but on face book I am seeing repetitive posts from Mike Vick.  The dog killer.  Why is he on my feed? I mean believe in redemption, fine, but where are my god damn facebook friends.