Hello everyone, this is Refried. It is Tuesday, April 21 at 3:23 pm. I have a meeting at 6:30.  

I just took a shower. So let's make a list of stuff I did today.  Texted with my sister, got coffee, gave a snack to someone, got my floor extra mopped, talked to Daniella about the gate, got a copy of the paperwork for name change, sent a job application, checked my video numbers, took a shower, went to taco bell, gave a nice person a nice book, picked up my packages from the post office, read over my proof copy, took a walk, rested, did well on my video game, and I think that is all.   That is 16 things. That is three days worth of stuff. I usually think five per day is okay.

Gice do you have any thoughts? What do you think of the new book.  I feel like I should have given the Taco Bell person a copy of Soul Blood to give to the worker in the back who I did not see. 

But I did not see them and I felt like Soul Blood was not the same as the book I gave the worker who was so nice to me.  So I just have to accept that. I mean honestly I think I should have given them two books and they would have had more of a clue of who I was.  But you don't just hand a worker your last will and testament.  And yet maybe I was supposed to.  

Well I do the best I can.  It was a good vanilla cream soda slush.

Soon it is time for afternoon coffee. I need to buy some new ice cream. I mean should I take another walk today? I think I will need to wait until tomorrow.

Or wait a minute. Are you Gice thinking what I am thinking? An instacart order soon?  Hmm.  And buy a lot of ice cream.  Like three containers of ice cream. Ok I will think about it.

 Hello everyone.  Thankfully, I caught up on sleep today. And my apartment is mostly comfortable again.  So that is good. It is about a week that it was too warm.  I question that since we are psych patients, and there is a law, and I pay rent.

Also today I walked to the post office to pick up some mail but I have to try again tomorrow.  The main thing I was waiting for was late because amazon does that on purpose sometimes to show who's in charge.  It is interesting because that wasted trip took away my strength to go downtown as I planned, so I did not get my medicine.  I mean who needs mistreatment like that.  And the other factor is that I had to walk an extra two miles because of the accessible entrance being blocked to my apartment.  

I think accessibility and accommodations is the angle I take when I do the grievance about not being able to get to the train easily enough.  Possibly I should have already written the email but I will write it tomorrow.

I think the issue is that they are making the train station unaccessible for disability. 

That might be one of the main arguments against most of their mistreatment in general.  I think that people figured that out a long time ago.

Anyway I think the goal now is to show up on actual Judgement Day with 90 enemies to be punished in front of all of humanity. I mean it is going to be awesome and it kind of makes you wonder what else the people did to reap this destiny.  There is one name I have not ever listed but I probably will. 

I think that Wednesday I will try to go to the grocery store.  So maybe later I will read some cook books. I mean I could do that right this second is peruse an old 80s cookbook.

I hope in heaven I am friends with some of the country bumpkins that still use those old cook books.

Well, have a good day everyone.

 Hello everyone, this is Refried. It is 6:35. I just took my medicine a little while ago. I should have taken it sooner.  But I had a crazy dream where I was taking a sheep on a trip and before you know it I was helping people walk into a muddy green area and we got stuck and it seemed supernatural.

And I thought I might have gotten hexed in some way by someone I prayed for.  I still feel like there is some spirit bothering me and I don't know what it is from.   Or a curse or something.

But anyway I need to go downtown today. I think I will leave at about 8:30 unless I fall asleep.

I just chatted with an American Express person because they are making me do paperwork to change my name and I already did that two years ago and they did not change my name.

Now it is a problem for me and I told them they had made it too hard for me and I am disabled and can't do things twenty times. But they said they need my social security number.  And they are making me mail in a form again but I did that two years ago and they told me to do the license process online instead and I did and then they didn't change it.  

So I told them it really hurt me that they wouldn't change my name.

Then I heard back from someone in my writing group.  She said she did not perceive one of the people as bullying me.  I think he does bully me though. I think he did call me a name last week. 

So I might just skip this week at the group.

So anyway I will go to Fed Ex, the bank, and CVS. It is not that hard. Just take the train to Astor Place.

Leave at 8:30.  Maybe see if I can sleep for two more hours now.

Gice people think it was a medicine problem last week but it wasn't.

Drena is mad at me.  But it wasn't from medicine, people really hurt me.

Well, have a good day everyone.

 Hello everyone. This is Refried. I feel happy because there was an unexpected part of my day where I did a virtual care appointment online. I talked to a new doctor for me named Dr. Sanapala. Kind of like “Snapple” which I sometimes drink at the Thai restaurant. And it is funny because my fatigue problem was from the Thai food I ate a few days ago. And I did not realize it. I thought it was from low iron.

Something else interesting is that I ate grape juice and Corn Pops while I waited and that is just too much like communion. I mean I am not trying to be a kook but it was kind of weird because in the waiting room I did invite Dr Snapala to Echo church.

So anyway she sent my prescription to CVS and hopefully that will go okay tomorrow. Walgreens was mean to me and makes me re ask my doctor for prescriptions when I don’t let myself be kicked around by their automated system. Their failure, their problem.

So anyway I am so relieved that the problem is familiar. I mean I didn’t even care if it was a bad disease but honestly the issue has more to do with not easily going to Walgreens. 

So anyway it was also funny because Dr Snapple knew that the “low energy” was the same fatigue as usual even though I told her it was different. I said usually I can’t walk to the grocery store and this time I could not walk to the post office. Like that is the difference between low iron and lupus. I should say food allergies but I think the actual mechanism happening is autoimmune. It is an autoimmune reaction to spicy foods.

So anyway I think I will email Becky this week and apologize for disappearing without a word.

Tomorrow I pick up my new book and I am glad about that. I mean it’s just like normal.

I need to reread the other two recent Bronx Combo books. Honestly soon there will be enough and I should not do more.

I think it is 8 from Manhattan and 8 from the Bronx.

I think people on facebook are tired of me promoting myself but I need to not read into only the troll who was mean to me last week. A lot of my facebook friends like me just fine. And I think we all lost each other because of algorithms, not because of self promotion and white supeemacy. I mean the more time goes on you can tell everyone just wants the same stuff: popularity and success. Only with some people they get persecuted for it.

But anyway I am sitting outside right now. I have sat outside a lot for five days. I like it out here.

Gice a while ago in my room I felt God’s love and as I remembered sitting on the benches at 180th street the sunlight came through my window onto my face and I think it was a message from God about me, my church, the heroin addict who I have the roast beef sandwich to but had that bad guy waiting to take it away, the gallbladder days, the hospital, the food stuff, like remember when I thought I could only eat fish and vegetables? And then today I ate fish sticks.

So I mean who knows. It is just weird because I have had a lot of signs like that but sometimes I feel like God is far and mad. But anyway I think the weather stuff might happen in relation to Middlechurch because do you remember that day when I was sitting outside near park view and the storm cloud coincided with something. It had to do with the church and I felt honestly kind of proud.

Anyway I didnt expect this post to be like this and I think this makes twice that I didn’t say something positive about Walgreens when some people were in fact nice to me and they are some of the most extreme heroes of our neighborhood but at the same time there is no excuse for some of the stuff that store has done to me. And making me have another appointment for medicine is an absolute outrage. I mean people could and should sue them for that.

Well, that is all for now. Tomorrow I have to go get a check, go to CVS, and really that is all isn’t it. Maybe Fed Ex for two things. I forgot what one thing is.

Gice I hope I can go to comedy class okay with the gate locked up now. Ok I think that was the other thing at FedEx. Gice is anyone mad at me? 

 Gice, today is Sunday, April 19. I just went outside and sat on the bench but it is raining a little bit. I drank coffee earlier and just ate jello.  Hopefully the jello will give me some energy and soon I will make some food.  I think maybe oatmeal might do the trick.  And some fish sticks.  That is yummy.  I wanted to go to McDonalds but it is too rainy.

I told Amanda that I don't think the conspiracy burned down our church. I gave her the phone number of the person who started the conspiracy. I mean that is all I can do and I think it was good self control that I didn't mess up their investigation when it was originally happening. 

But anyway tomorrow I will hopefully get a copy of my new book.  I think maybe I would enjoy reading more of these books in my free time.  But I actually have had some time away from making ai memes.  

I don't think I do that bad with my ai budget.  Don't you guys think I did okay? I just shouldn't be judged negatively for everything.

I miss Ravneet and hope she can go to some restaurants with me soon. Should I be looking at cookbooks? Was I wrong that the torture is over? I mean maybe they are still going to torture me.

So are you Gice thinking cereal is on the menu for today? Well maybe for dessert.

I felt happy when I gave Diamond the pack of cheese.  It made me happy. And I sent Amanda a message.

Gice are there friends I am supposed to be calling? I mean I do not know.

I miss my friend Lauren and I think she might have hurt me to document what Hannah did.  But to me it felt like she really took Hannah's side.

I miss Danielle too, Danielle Spector.  And Courtney.  Gice am I supposed to still be writing stuff? Like some imaginary animal scenes or something? I genuinely feel like I can't.

Well, that is all everyone. Maybe som new videos later for my bullying blog but I think I don't need to rush that and it can mostly be therapeutic.

Ok next up is books for MC. What should I send. I think she wants a copy of the mice books and then maybe Library Book, and then what, maybe some thin books. I mean I do not know.

Well, have a good day everyone.

 Gice I forgot the epilepsy conference. I just didn't register when I got the email.  I thought I would remember it and Friday I did remember it wand I was like hmm I think I didn't register. So my weekend could have been very different.  I mean maybe I am not functioning well. 

Are they mad at me, I do not now.  I mean it was a light touch with the affiliation, and finally when the trains didn't go there properly, I missed it. Are people saying ha ha about it?

I could have said hello to Anli Liu. Sorry Dr. Liu. I wish I had not missed it on either year.  But I also have a sleep problem right now and have to walk an extra mile to get to the train.

So anyway I missed out but am doing the best I can.

Does anyone have any thoughts? I think I will send Marissa Hudson a note and see if she wants to get lunch soon.

 Hello everyone, do you Gice like my poem from yesterday? I think it was awesome. Like so stupid and reflects a real idea but also kind of not caring in a certain way.  And yet I did care.

So anyway, I got some sleep but not a lot. Probably about 6-7 hours. I mean okay. 4:13, then maybe 5, woke up at 1 pm. I mean that could be 8 hours. I dreamt I was volunteering somewhere with New York cares and I was cleaning a lot of stuff and I told them about my guinea pigs. That was what the main discussion was about.  It was sweet and nice to think about Fred, Roger, and Dave.

I can't tell if I am being sharked by someone and I don't know what it means. I feel that I was nice to that person and was a sincere participant in something that was obviously relevant to me.  So I guess just do as normal. I mean I do not understand, I really don't. Possibly the issue is that I became more public in the past two years with more christian themed stuff and some people are mad about public straightforward christianity that isn't themed around criticizing the south. Like maybe they think you either hate the south or are the south.

Well I do not know. I really don't.  But it is weird to lose three associations in one week.  Is it because of the recent book? I really think there is not much in this book that is relevant to anything like that. Is there a poem? I mean I do not know. I am not used to anyone caring about the content of my rhymes especially.

And possibly that was the role I did not expect was to have a conspicuous rejection from literally everyone. Just for people to generally hate me. I mean I do not know. Am I supposed to be talking more to phone a friends? I mean I do not know.

Gice pretty funny Sunday post from Nancy. I just think it was kind of funny. Like to me it passes as a sincere Sunday share. But maybe it is not a laughing matter but I think she is going to be okay and might be doing her part. Like that is what I genuinely think.

Well anyway, I made coffee. Should I sit outside. I mean I do not know. Is there a project I can work on? I mean maybe I should do some more art memes. That is what  facebook was saying and boost for less.

Well hmm I do not know. I am just doing one video right now and I feel good about it.

 Hello everyone, this is Refried. I am sitting outside because it is cool outside and it makes me feel better. I feel fine I am just tired of my warm room. But it has gotten better but interestingly is still too warm.

I think I won both of the recent power plays. Because even though they lied to my face about the air conditioning, I believe my prior report meant that they got a visit from the up and ups and were found noncompliant. But it is sad because they are my friends but they made their choice. It is pretty serious to mess up a whole building of psych patients sleep for four days during every single season change.

So anyway I think my video page is going well so far. I have a lot more ideas for posts. I think I had videos along this line a year or so ago and did not know what to do with them. So now this is that and I think it will be a success to just share the blog occasionally.

I boosted a mouse video and I am happy with it. I think it adds variety. I am proud and happy to contribute to the wide world and perennially everlasting genre of mice characters and mice scenes. I believe it will also never get old in heaven.

I think I am not doing a virtual appointment tonight because I am ok for now. I don’t feel the low energy feeling. I think I will save that for when I also need a psychological boost.

Does anyone have any thoughts about missing the presentation today? I am sad and think I would have liked to give them one more chance.

However I think if this was going to be a charade like the church status was for so long except this time it’s my career, then no thank you.

I am thankful that I caught up on some sleep this morning. Hopefully I will sleep better tonight and be doing better. But I was okay today and was thankful for that.

I think my medicine is okay even if I miss a dose sometimes. Well, have a great day everyone.

 Hi everyone, this is Refried. The weather is great today and I am sitting outside. I feel tired and fatigued and it is either from low iron or lupus. I am thinking it is from the low iron. Because I haven’t eaten spicy food and it actually feels more like low energy than fatigue.

I am missing a presentation today that probably would have been really good. But I feel like I would actually be participating in a charade where I pretend that I haven’t already reached certain levels of writing. And I felt that would be helping the oppressors maintain their discrimination practices that keep me from providing for my family.

Anyway along those lines I started a new video page called bully chronicles. So far I have three videos and I think I can find more on my phone. Some of it will be a specific series called the question show where I discuss respect issues. And the rest of it will probably be about specific incidents. I wish I had this two years ago but I don’t think it is too late to revisit some material and it is going to be awesome.

 Hello everyone, this is Refried. Today is Friday, April 17. I am working on getting my room ready for inspection. I took out two bags of trash, picked up clothes, cleaned the counter, made the bed, and that is all.  However after last inspection I cleaned the shelves in two areas. So I think even now I am okay. But I might keep chipping away at a few more chores.  Inspection is at 12 pm.  So that is in three hours. The room is too warm because they do not have the air conditioning on.  I think they should by now because it is the law.  But I do see that we have a cooler week ahead of us so I am trying to be patient.  And yet I do lack sleep and it is really not right for them to mess up our sleep during a season change.  That is why there are laws.

But anyway I just texted with a friend of mine about an idea I have for a product.  And I ordered supplies and think I could sell twenty items this month and get started.  The idea is for albatross necklaces.  I think really I could do a whole series with some variety.

It is weird that it took me so long to get it done but I found some charms to use and some matching chains, and I just need to make copies of the poem, Rime of the Ancient Mariner. The poem is actually kind of sad but the joke is funny.  Who will I market to? Will I just do giveaways? I mean I do not know.

Well, have a good day everyone.

 Gice it is too warm in my room. It is actually illegal for them to not have the air conditioning on. They do it every spring and fall for as much as they can get away with.

Tomorrow is inspection. I could have used some sleep. I think instead I will try to get things cleaned one thing at a time instead of sleeping and getting it done at 10 am.

Gice a weird facebook day.

 Gice in my mind just now I could see the good Americans and the good country that didn’t treat me like crap. I could feel it like what nice people. It has been hidden for a while. I hope I can recover my respect.

Gice probably soon a sherbet shake. One more day of a warm room. Actually I could go outside for a while now.

 Hello everyone, this is Refried. It is Thursday, April 16. Tonight I went to a mental health group and it was great with nice people. I wasn't that helpful for others but I shared a good chunk of gender experience.  Like how I absolutely can't compromise on clothes but am totally okay with no surgery, like genuinely of course not.  Some people aren't like that.

But anyway I posted my book. I mean was I weird, I don't know. I don't have to boost the post. I just decided to say what I think the conspiracy thought of for me to say. And it is ridiculous.  I genuinely don't see it.  I mean are they trying to help me understand how other people don't see my missing career?

I think the poem book sandwiched in the other thin books is special.  It is a surprise, and supernatural.  But I don't think it is the Odyssey or Paradise Lost as some people insinuated to me through secret messages. 

I mean was I stupid to bring it up? I just don't see that as my comps, though I do see some other stuff as my comps. So maybe that is the issue is that it isn't as good as my mice series or joke book.

I mean Joke book is good. I think I should do an ad soon and I will do that purple joke and then the joke book link very soon.  

Probably not until tomorrow though.

Gice I am having a hard time because it is so warm in this building but I think we have a cooler week so far.  I should have gone downstairs and visited earlier but I didn't because I forgot.

Does anyone have any thoughts? I mean is the point that those books aren't that good anyway?

 gice 

i feel that i will really miss out on that presentation about writing clean humor for teens.

but i wont be talked to like i'm a beginner or worse, treated like my work is dirty in some way. it should have been game over after that scholarship application.

like a phone call and then I get a phone call from a publisher.  

but instead it is the same game as my church did where people take turns trying to convert me even though I have followed jesus for thirty years. only now it is three masters degrees a hundred books and a hundred million social media in other countries. but please tell me your little puns and teach me to be as clean as you

Need Not Apply

 Hi Kate, this is Refried, just wondering if you want to talk on the phone next week sometime.  This week I unexpectedly quit two writing groups! One because a guy in my small critique group was bullying me, and the other because the organization took back their conference scholarship when i told them I was gay. 

I will tell you all about it but it is kind of sad. It took me a few weeks to realize I would not have equal status in the conservative group and I would have no path to publicity like the other people do. 

In the other group a guy had harassed me a few times before and this time came in the group late and addressed me as "Re-cunt." Like "Refried," but a bad name.  Can you believe that? It is because he does not like my religious poems.

That is kind of crazy. I thank you for not being like that!!!  I enjoyed Patricia's presentation! I remember her last one and it was also awesome. 

Ok have a great day, Kate, I am doing okay, just staying in touch.

from Refried Bean

 Ok everyone, I know the pope has other stuff going on but I think he is also addressing some of my compromises of speech in recent months.  The way I started calling people names and I do not know what else. But I like his association with "darkness and filth."  I think there might be one other thing that is like mistreatment of some kind.  like darkness, filth, and abuse.  I mean I am not trying to edit him.  I am just thinking of what is that stuff.  And I think there might be one more offensive category. 

Anyway I will try to clean it up some with my behavior but if you think about it I didn't do nothing this year. I wrote stuff, took classes, visited family, and managed money. And did the videos which are innocent.

But anyway it is time for inspection soon and I can't miss meds again. 

I mean are people mad at me. I am kind of mad at me. I am doing the best I can. I am actually only four hours late on medicine because I took it in the morning yesterday.  So maybe after therapy. But I do not know.  Maybe I will clean up the apartment some. 

Gice it is warm in my apartment and that is not that easy to handle but only one more day okay and then we have a nice cool week.

Anyway I fixed the soul blood book and I think it will be good.

Well have a good day everyone.

 Gice, this is from one of my churches: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EvUOKlp4NBo

It is a really good service and I am inspired to pray for all those people.

They knew I accidentally got scared of satan in certain way and addressed it.

I personally appreciate that even though some of it is probably my condition.

It was about the lords prayer which I like a lot.

Basically a good sermon about the lords prayer.

I think I will try to clean things up with complaining, bragging, laziness, etc.

But anyway I have done ok sometimes.

 Hello everyone. Today is Tuesday, April 14. I just took a walk.  It was a little bit warm.  I think I need to use my fan.  I should turn it on immediately.

I finally got my credit card mail and I can't believe it but Citi Simplicity is accepting me again as a customer.  It is for less than I hoped but it still was not a no, which was what I expected.  I really like their company and theirs was my favorite card. And I think it was nice for them to take me back after I closed that same exact card. 

So anyway, it will take the edge off my maxed out video budget.  And I will at least be able to wait until the next few months catch me up.  Because really I did hit the edges which is different from the past year. I used some self control this past year.  Do people ever consider that when they judge me?  How I kind of do have limits and responsibility sometimes?

But anyway my next step is to figure out a good balance between not sharking people and defending myself against those who might steal everything.  So far that has not happened.

I have another thin book to publish. It is interesting because I knew I had a little bit of material but not a lot and then suddenly I do have enough.  I actually have one more interesting email that I could add but I might not. I mean I do not know.

So anyway I need to do the fan and a milkshake and I will feel better.

 hello everyone. I have not taken my medicine yet. I am going to take it at about 9 or 10. I might not do the application for that thing yet. I do not want to be too early. 

I mean I might be wrong like it might be too expensive and hard to get to. I could still decide not to.

Maybe I need to think about it some more.  But it seemed like it could be good to participate. But let's see, who would I know. I would have a workshop leader, I would try to talk to J. Hirshfield, and I would know Nickole a little bit.  And I could probably make friends.

I mean honestly I think this matches a plan from the last ten years or so where I go to one conference a year.  And I am not sure I have even missed a year except for the hospital torture.

I think if I have any trouble at the shuttle I will call Dilarom.  I think we already busted them.  It is something every time. That cop who was mean to me, the shuttle person who tried to not let me get on the shuttle, Daphne and her little diabetes scam, the intake person who tricked me on purpose, I mean maybe that was it for this time.  I think if it is something every time then I need to do a lawsuit. Because they have a problem they are not addressing but could.

I think I am still far from becoming an overt problem myself, though.  Probably someone will try to prove me wrong.  I mean that is the point though, is that people tried to bring that out in me for thirty years and the results were mostly forgiveness and patience and friendship with the nicer people.

But anyway I did not want to be thinking about that. I was going to pray and got distracted and then worried that maybe it was God who did not feel like talking to me.  But I am sure that is okay.

Then I ate a little more food.  No sherbet shake but maybe in a little while.

Am I going to apply for that thing. I mean maybe look at the application.

Do I need to do a needs statement for a scholarship.  I kind of think go ahead and support fully. 

I mean if you think about it that was always the feeling with this poetry stuff and school and I wonder if there is a reason like in heaven we see just how comforting those communities were, and how effective and meaningful, and people will want to have done full support. I mean I do not know, I just try to interpret the meaning of certain things that happen.

But anyway I figured out that I am safe within my life and this was meant to be, where I live, what I do, all my problems and foibles.  Which reminds me I still need listen to that elf thing.

Gice I am going to be having more intrusive thoughts that make me feel guilty and make me worry about people feeling unloved.  But it is my illness and it is good that I have less medicine and feel better. I am able to walk and cook again so let's be happy. I am okay being mentally ill on this level.

I thought about posting a post about the conspiracy and had it ready in my mind but decided to be forgiving and patient for now.  You know what I really miss is that article about escalation. I wish I could easily refer to it but I guess it is just in a book.

Do you guys like my videos? I think the videos are cute and I am thankful for my hobby and I think that it lines up to one year per thing.  Jokes, book videos, art memes, and now videos.  

 Hello everyone, this is Refried. Today is Sunday, April 12. I just watched the video of my church today. It was great.  Tomorrow I go to my psychiatrist appointment.  Last time someone was mean to me on the shuttle. It was racism. I can't remember if I reported it but I might have.

I had a good weekend and played my new video game a lot.  It is really fun but I get stuck on a level sometimes. 

I had a stomachache from a food allergy but it is getting better.  Once it is gone then I will eat some chicken and rice with peanut sauce.  Then maybe some sherbet, then some coffee. I mean maybe I should drink some coffee now.  But I think I am okay for now.

Ravneet said I could say hello to the NYP virtual people but I think I am okay. But this is a good reason to do an online appointment but really it is a familiar problem and I believe that I am okay.

Tomorrow morning I need to wake up early and apply to something. I think I am going to try to take a trip in October.  But possibly it is too much for me. If it is then I should figure that out now. I mean I do not know but I think I do want to go to the event but there is a point of no return. And sometimes I think back to my Asheville trip from last time and can't believe I did that because it was kind of hard and dangerous.

I will say again that I am not happy with the news and I am truly more in the liberal camp of things.  But I see the liberal bad side a lot too.  I mean it is pretty bad and I am thinking of memories where I can't believe how much I smiled and nodded with really no good outcome anywhere in sight.

So anyway there is an outcome which has to do with prayer and that is my job and other things aren't my job so I will let other people do what they do.

Gice honestly I think God gave each side an election. And permanence of either thing would have pros and cons.  So why not take the pros of all of it.  

Well, that is all. I think I will write again soon.  Gice I think I have literally no material at all for another thin book.  I think maybe 5-10 blog posts were very interesting but there are no poems and stories or memes for another book. I mean what does it mean, I do not know.  But do you notice how I haven't just published some meaningless drivel during this time? No, I worked on videos.  And in January I had that supernatural poetry book stuff, and then I mailed a batch of books out.  So I am mostly just being moderately productive and managing mental illness.

Well, have a good day everyone.

 Hello everyone, this is Refried. It is 8:13 on Sunday. I am adjusting to feeling better. In a way it might take time to get used to less rest.

I had a good day today and tomorrow I go to my psychiatrist appointment. I should take my medicine at about 1 am later.

I am sad that the thing with Iran is not over. And I am sad about the draft.

My girlfriend said she was proud of me and told me I could order Thai food. I forgot the coconut sticky rice but I have some sticky rice for the peanut sauce.

I already ate two things. I might drink some coffee soon.

Life is kind of easy sometimes so I really need to do my part with prayer. 

At Bible study tonight we read a pretty crazy section of the Bible. I learned a lot.

Well have a good day everyone.

 Hello everyone, this is Refried. It is 8:18. I am making videos. I upgraded my subscription. It is expensive but I believe that this is my main next hobby. I believe this is legitimate creative work during a time that I am mostly finished with my main writing ability.

Actually I thought of a story recently and I forgot to write it. Did I write the idea down? Do you guys remember? I think that I had an idea for some kind of funny scam. I might have turned it into a joke.

Hmm I do not remember. I think it was a scam like an alien hoax or something.

It was something that I felt had never been thought of before and I could not believe it.  Possibly I said it in a discussion group.

I am trying to make videos and hopefully I will get about three keepers in this session.

I will do a blue guy with checkerboard rings, maybe something with a hoop or ladder, and a mouse building a wall from glowing blocks. I will not be able to send them around yet online but that is okay.

 Hello everyone, this is Refried Bean. Today is Saturday, April 11. I took two walks today and picked up some books at the post office. I believe I have all the book shipments that I can afford for a while. 

My walks were good and the weather was nice. I got a coffee on my second walk and downloaded a new video game that is really fun. It is a military game and interestingly, I feel that it blends with my prayer life and forgiveness.  The way the soldiers make the marching enemy go away seems exactly like my forgiveness prayers working against whatever hate is against me.  I mean I almost can't keep the two things separate in my mind, and feel like I am still playing the game as I pray and vice versa.  And then when I checked my instagram videos, that blended too, though I don't see that as being the same thing as my forgiveness prayers.  I don't see it as having the spiritual component that the religious memes did.

So that is interesting. It does have some kind of component but I haven't figured out the exact spiritual feeling from it that happens. 

So anyway, I went to a Mensa discussion today and it was very interesting.  It was more political than usual and it got kind of heated. Honestly it was hard to believe but I did okay. I might have talked too much and gotten the last word too often.  But I don't attend that often.  Maybe it is a reminder to be more quiet in bible study Sunday if I go to that.

I thought about attending church tomorrow in person but I do not know if I will or not. 

Should I tidy some more sections of my apartment? Well I do not know. Maybe clear out some clothes to give away. Or finish the table.  Possibly it is fine as it is. In fact I think the thing to do is choose some recipes and cook something.

I feel more hopeful about the economy and think that if we can even keep what has lasted going throughout these years after the pandemic and all the crisis, then surely the whole thing can recover another 30 percent or so.  But I know I am a charity case, but that might not always be the case.

So anyway, hopefully things will keep getting better for me. I think I will send in that application on April 13 for the fall thing if I am able to.  Am I forgetting anyone to tell about it? I do not know. I think they are publicizing it some and there is a financial component that would account for a smaller crowd if they get fewer applicants at first.

But anyway I hope I won't let anyone down.

I think I can just mail books to the other thing if they want some.

Well, that is all for now. I think that I might have enough blog posts for another thin book, but there are no poems and stories and memes.  So to me that is not good enough.  Does anyone have any thoughts? Do you gice think it should be about emails? Hmm I do not know.

 Hello everyone, this is Refried. I got some groceries delivered and it went okay. I can’t always get groceries delivered but it was nice this time and included water, ginger ale, milk, and sugar. Those are all heavy things and the gate next to my building is closed.

Today someone from HHC was mean to me but I guess just keep praying for their racism problem.

I had a good group today at Nami. 

I have now used all my cash for videos.

I believe I can tolerate a break in the hobby.

I feel that I am also able to accept the end of my book career though I suspect the books will reach people.

I do not know what to eat now that some grocery normalcy is restored. I think I could cook some recipes. So weird to have been restricted on potatoes in a certain way.

I guess this is part of a prayer project to experience all the Bronx problems but I think that is an illusion and you can’t experience other peoples problems so you should just try to be productive in service to others. I do mostly believe that from having stuff wasted and knowing I myself would like a Pepsi and nachos instead of a weird swindle where someone pretends to relate.

Anyway I am doing okay, I guess I will just eat some Corn Pops and pudding and jello for a while.

 Hello everyone, this is Refried. It is 2:30 pm. I cleaned my apartment for inspection today and then after inspection discarded about four piles of stuff and cleaned my shelves and books. 

So that is good. I might have to give away poetry books instead of joke books for a while.

I think next I will clear the trash mail off the table. I don’t know if that will be today.

I need to do an Instacart order. Should I wait and do it tomorrow morning? Actually Sunday morning went well last time. I just feel like I should clear out as much trash and stuff out of the apartment before doing a good food order. Possibly I should go outside for a while. That is what my therapist said to do.

Does anyone have any opinions?

 Hello everyone, this is Refried.  I had a good day. I woke up having a dream where I kept finding people's cell phones and wrote their name in the notes section and it was all Indian friends from online.

Then I had a therapy appointment and it was great. Thanks a lot, Drena. I think Drena thinks maybe I should do IOP this summer if they have room.

Then I took out the trash and took a shower and gave myself a haircut. Wow I needed a haircut and it looks a lot better now.  That was my fastest haircut, I just chopped it off in about five chops and now it feels okay. 

Then I went to a meeting about a poetry event in October. I think I will try to go if I am able to. I might invite a few more people too from off their list. I just think from what I can tell it would be good for them to have plenty of applicants.  It is kind of expensive and that might limit the number of people but I think I will try to go if I can.

I worked on my application today. I like the people who run the thing and are attending so far.

It is weird how it is a different time of year and might work out better for me than a summer thing.

So that is interesting. It is also cool that Jane Hirschfield is going to be there because it kind of seems like she is doing the Young Life thing where they go to your game but she is stopping by Asheville to show care after the hurricane and flood.

So anyway I just had a milkshake and was reminded of the nerds station because it was orange and cherry.  

I am not really able to read my poems. I wanted to read horizon cow and think about how Jody perceived it, Jody Gladding, my teacher. But I was not able to read.  I think tomorrow I might tell Elizabeth Coleman about the October event.  She might like to visit Asheville but I hope it will be safe but I did not mention that at the meeting.  I mean they already waited a year. 

Now I need to make a list of what to do for inspection: clean counter, do dishes, tidy clothes, pick up stuff, sweep and mop, clear out fridge and freezer, clean up book mess, clear table.  So maybe at one am do some of the main stuff, then 2 am do the books and table, then 3 am medicine, then 10 am get up and finish all the stuff.  but maybe finish now. I had all week and did not do any of it.

Drena says I shoudl get outside more if I can. I will try to do that but it is not easy necessarily.

But anyway does anyone have any opinions?

 Hello everyone, I’m his is Refried. I just did one load of laundry. I read about a crime and am reminded that the death penalty should be used about fifty times more often than it is. Possibly a hundred or five hundred times more often. I don’t know why people are so hesitant about taking someone’s life when killers do just that all the time.

I think it is because people might not be moral and that is the main way to pretend you are moral is to oppose all killing. 

That is sad.

I don’t think there is anything I can do about it except explain that in my books sometimes.

Well that is all for now. I am really tired.

 Hello everyone, this is Refried. I just went to a poetry event and I was an hour late but I had a good time for thirty minutes and heard Jane Hirshfield read a poem.  And I just love that person, she is a fellow religious poet and might be genuinely the closest like mind to me in the poetry world because of that. I mean I do not know but it could be something like that.

So too bad I was late and kind of weird because I missed another Nickole Brown event. That is a pattern. I mean something interesting is that I did go to the asheville residency at risk to my own life but then didn't go to the animal farm and could have. But in a way I couldn't have because it was not easy staying in the hostel. And now what is it a reminder of. It is a reminder that you know what, I have had a tight budget in some ways. People think I just fling around all the money but it wasn't that easy sometimes.

But anyway this is an interesting development. I mean hmm.  I mean should I try to attend some stuff in October. I just don't know if I can. I mean if Ravneet helped me maybe I could.

Maybe I will go to that meeting tomorrow.

I saw a religious vision today but when I saw it, I could not really tell that it wasn't just me imagingin it but then this evening I could see it in my mind and it was so true.  It was Jesus on his throne being glorious, kind of in the sky to the left of lots of us lower and just there in some way. I mean that is interesting. I feel like the take away wasn't about him being in control but was more about him being glorious and it was different from the cross scene.  so that is interesting. Usually I type this kind of things in emails to myself but I guess here it is on a blog post.

I repeat that this didn't feel as seizure oriented but upon reflection it is not something I would jsut imagine in my mind and is kind of static.

So anyway that is nice. I am so glad if I can see visions again. I feel so much better on this medicine amount and I should be walking every day. I think I could have taken a walk today in a coat instead of checking instagram as they delayed it for a while. 

But anyway now it is 9:26. I mean what if I attended that thing in October and sent in the exact poems from the other workshop.  But I bet I would miss it just like all the other events. 

So sad about the flood, I was just thinking of that today or yesterday, where the rain starts, and it is worse than usual, and then houses are washed away. I mean it is so sad. But some people survived and hopefully feel God's love and care.

But anyway, it is 9:30. So I will take my medicine at about 3 am. Should I maybe clean and take out trash or something.  

Ok the list is: take out trash, tidy clothes, do some laundry.  Okay that is the thing is at 11 pm do laundry.

Gice I feel okay with the poets, like not mad and resentful.  They did not torture me.  Some other people tortured me. I mean why is that, I do not know.  

Well have a good day everyone.

 Hello everyone. I think instagram is going to make the numbers be less for that mouse and coin slot post. That is what they did on my other coin video. I think it has to do with not flashing money in another country.  But I believe the coin theme is great for the mice videos and I will not waste the video. I personally think if they cut my numbers on it then they should apply that value to another post but I think they just say well ups and downs live and learn.

But it is okay. My numbers were good on the other posts and it is definitely the deal of a century or millennium. 

As for the joke books, it would be good to have some more copies to give away. I just don't understand why I can't have a normal income for good obviously valued work.  I think too many people are too okay with it. 

But anyway it is okay. I am thankful for what I have of course. I mean of course I am.  But anyway, it does mess with you when your numbers are less but mostly the numbers are good so ups and downs live and learn. Maybe check the posts on my phone instead so I can see the more accurate accounting.  However I think we are looking at an extreme drop for that video that is so freaking cute. I just don't appreciate it being wasted by 50 percent or more. I mean it could be as much as 60 percent drop. And I think they are wrong about it. I think poor people like seeing mice with coins. 

So anyway I perused for an agent and concluded to maybe just go with the self publishing and for some reason I can't do an ad right now. I think that photo of the mouse with the torch is what I will use. Probably someone will see it and submit and ai novel and get an agent.  It is just interesting to me and people think no one will know or see the industry for what it does. Well I see it, good and bad.

Ok everyone, it is cold outside but I could wear a coat and walk somewhere but I just feel like it is too cold to do that.  But maybe I am wrong. Maybe a little afternoon walk would be good. 

I just ate some Cheerios. Gice live and learn, ups and downs.

 Hello everyone, this is Refried. I am back home and it is cold outside. I am trying to be patient and wait until maybe tonight to boost those two videos I want to boost. I just think maybe I should wait until the current three get to the halfway mark. But actually one is at the halfway.  I think six days might be too long for me to wait and 5 days is the correct boost.

However I am about to be out of money anyway. Like I will seriously need to abruptly halt. But it is okay.

What will I eat today, I am thinking cereal. I am thinking corn chex.  I think if I do an instacart order then I will try to get stuff for casseroles like potato, green bean, maybe even sweet potato.

Gice am I getting on y'all's nerves by checking instagram obsessively? Well I think it is good that I have a good new hobby. I think it kind of is what it is. Maybe that is ungrateful to God to say because it is such a cool tool for someone like me. But anyway I wonder if maybe I need to be searching for an agent for the mice books. I mean what do I want? Maybe ads would be better.  Do I want them to make a movie out of it? Not necessarily.  I just want some readers for the books and to not waste all of it.

Are people scared that I will go right wing on them? I mean I do not know. Also is PTS mad at me? I do not know. Probably it is part of the conspiracy.

Gice you know what would really help me is a sudden extra credit card. But I don't think that is happening.  But I wish Citi had done that for me but I understand them not doing it.

Anyway I think that is the thing I will focus on to not be too obsessed with the instagram videos is to look for agents online. 

Gice about India, some stuff is in God's hands.

 Hello everyone, this is Refried. I tried to walk to Starbucks but it was too cold. So I am drinking some coffee here. I feel happy and content.

Gice Indian people were nice to me. I just can’t say how much it changed my life. Same with the African countries too but wow I got a lot of nice messages from people in India who say good morning to me a lot.

I just saw Daniella downstairs. She was nice to me.

I need to clean my apartment but it could be worse.

Well, have a nice day everyone.

 Hello everyone, this is Refried. Today is Tuesday, April 7. Later I will try to go to the post office and see if my clothes are there. I will take the cart and walk very far.

I might also work on cleaning or laundry, or see what my grocery status is.

I feel good back here in my apartment.  I feel happy late at night. 

I am really glad I was able to file taxes electronically.

I think that my books are secretly selling though I should do a few more ads soon.  I can't spend much more on video boosts but I definitely got a lot out of this past budget. I mean frankly I am at 20 million for the whole video hobby so far. That makes a solid third phase of entertainment from me. I think my overall goal for the year will be 80 mil. That will be like a 40 60 80 total content creation career.  And a 200 million total.  That is really a blessing.

So what next is maybe exercise.  

I feel a lot better after my medicine adjustment. I think I am also mostly caught up on sleep. I think I got about 6 or 7 hours last night and 8-10 hours the night before.

I need to take a shower and then maybe at one o'clock I will go to the post office. It is so bad that I go during that lunch hour time but that is really when I am able to.

What else after that. I mean I do not know. I should cut my hair soon too. Will I do that today? Maybe.

Gice let's be honest. My reach was 10 10 10.  But I think that is good.

Gice each Eastside graduate gets a stadium to work with in heaven.  As a club of constituents.  That is how it works. I mean from when I was there. 

Gice I believe a lot of the suffering now is a societal sacrifice as christianity reaches more places in the world through many outlets. A lot of people who aren't expecting it might get a cultural martyr designation in their heaven evaluations. Sorry but I really believe that and I think for me I am actually part of the social media outreach being facilitated by other people having health problems and poverty. No one needs to get mad, I am not talking about certain economics of it but am mostly innocent about that too. I am just saying, can you see a big picture view of this millennium.

The other thing is how God provided for us. What he did with social media. I mean it is a mess now and political problems but in a way that meant more material that mattered. But we were stressed and many of us trapped and then we got this literal feed of socializing and entertainment.  It was just what we wanted.  And we are the 80s children and got smartphones. I mean it is just awesome. I just can't believe it. 

Anyway I feel humbled by the evangelical music that got churned out.  That simply wasn't me.  I think that the liberal social harvest is also amazing and a permanent resource and witness for the world. Such as Obama, etc.

Well, that is all. I am really glad to be back home and thankful for my trip to Greenville. I am sad to not have seen people I wanted to see but really am still coasting on the last meet ups.

 Hello everyone, I did my taxes. I recommend H and R block online filing, 34 dollars.  It was easy, thanks everyone.

 Hello everyone, this is Refried.  It is Sunday, April 5. I just got back from my trip. I am in my apartment now.  The subway was not crowded this morning and I am glad I broke up the trip with a hotel.

The staff at the hotel weren't that nice to me. So I don't know if it will still be my go to place but I am at least glad I have one option for emergencies.

They closed up the hole in the gate so I had to walk an additional half mile to get home. I don't respect that but I am just thankful to be alive and have housing for now.

Today is Easter so I will maybe attend a service online. Maybe later I will go to Starbucks.

Well, that is all besides my next posts which I think are rather interesting.

Have a great day everyone.

 Hello everyone, I am in my hotel room. It is 8 pm. I think possibly I will conclude not to do this next time. And this time it did eat up the rest of my video budget.

But I am happy to be comfortable for a while and sleep and then take the train home tomorrow morning. Honestly it might be harder tomorrow because of the Easter parade but I think I know what route to take. 

It is hard to carry my bag when my pants are too baggy. But it will be okay tomorrow. It was okay today. 

There was a wifi scam where the person said I could have free wifi but then it is only if you join Marriott bonvoy points club. But the button says "Join" so you think you are joining wifi but it is the points program.  That is another toxic zap. I thought this hotel was a happy solution to not having a go to refuge as a backup plan but I might have to go back to kind of just having a more strict poverty status and not having a place in Manhattan as a backup.

I told my mom the truth about being here and she did freak out but then saw it my way fast enough. I mean that actually is just a sad part of my life. It is some suffering.  How hard it was to travel, how I tried to make it easier this time but it wasn't really easier.

I was a bonvoy member but they did not properly change my name either upon request and they did not help me know how to use the points for a hotel stay so I actually closed the credit card that made me eligible. 

So this endorsement might not be working out that well for them but I am staying here for now and hopefully will have a good night. 

I feel kind of lonely and need friends to talk to but on face book I am seeing repetitive posts from Mike Vick.  The dog killer.  Why is he on my feed? I mean believe in redemption, fine, but where are my god damn facebook friends.

 Hello everyone. This is Refried. I just got to New York City in a train from sc. it was an okay trip. I had good seat buddies and was mostly comfortable.

I am staying in a hotel for one night. It is a splurge but I felt that it helped me feel more peaceful on the train without guessing about a subway ride and cab ride and another hour and a half after arriving in nyc.

at the desk for the hotel there was an issue with my credit card because American Express did not change my name after five requests and presenting legal ID every time.

So now it puts me in a jam. And they also switch over their card to US Bank so what am I going to do about my name? I could lose the account over it but if I do I might get a lawyer.

This isn’t really what I needed just as I get back to NYC. I just don’t appreciate the power plays and dishonesty that is tolerated in our country. 

Anyway it is crowded downtown but mostly nice people and I think that is good. People were getting in my way on purpose but I guess they want prayers of forgiveness for the whole city.

Some people mistake that as an accusation but someday they will be glad someone cared.

But anyway I am thankful for this blessing but I am going to complain to both companies.

At least they did finally take the card when I showed my old ID. I just don’t understand why people treated me like crap as a writer. The whole career part has been a swindle with onlooking bullies of every kind.

But the creative work was fun and I guess that is the conspiracy’s clever idea because people think my life is theirs to waste as part of their little religion project.

 Hello everyone, this is Refried. I am on the Amtrak train and we just left Greenville. I have a good seat buddy at least for about two hours. Then it will be 4:30. There could be a bad one after that but it will be almost daylight and that helps when you have a bad person which I did one time. The train station was not safe this time so I do not know what I will do for the next trip. I felt like after the trip here that I was okay to tolerate the train after feeling too disabled for it in the last several trips. But I think some of that was because I was being tortured at housing.

Basically there was a non passenger who came in the waiting area when I was the only one there at 1:30 in the morning. I said hello and he was friendly but stayed too long in the bathroom like possibly either drugs or just sleeping. So I went outside and waited on the platform. Actually it was a good solution because if someone came toward me it would be okay to call 911. but no one was there until a safe couple was standing outside the building later and I talked to them. They were first timers and I told them usually it felt safer. Well then another guy came into the waiting area and I decided to wait there instead. But then I found out he was not a passenger either. He said “ I wish I could get on this train and go to Philly.” Well I went back outside because it sounded like a drug dealer pickup line. But maybe he was a nice guy. 

So then I waited twenty more minutes and some other people came in the train area and the mystery guys left.

But there was another car with non passengers and they were socializing. So I am going to have to write a little note to Amtrak and say how bad it is that they don’t staff their stations. And I will tell them I am also going to send a note to the hometown newspaper to do a story about it.

People could say not to announce it as a target but there should be some leadership to maintain a functioning train station for a city of a million people.

Well maybe this is that article.

Have a nice day everyone.

 Hello everyone. This is Refried. I mailed some of my clothes to myself so I could travel with just one small bag. I feel that it was a good decision.

I am almost ready for my trip. I think I should call and confirm the cab ride to the train station.

And I need to finalize packing. These are crazy times and I think everything people do that is normal productivity is very valuable.

The post office was not crowded.

Gice I really am glad to be finishing mostly with the art hobby from last year. But I also think I should not waste the video opportunity. I am aware that there are a lot of other people doing what I am doing but I think I have a lot to contribute to social media. Currently I have two videos boosted.

I am happy to have done most of my work in life. God has been good to me and helped me live a creative life. But wow mental illness has been rough. I would say it could have been worse but some people max out your suffering sometimes and put you in the most extreme zone possible.

Anyway that is not the topic. The topic is that I had a good trip and got stuff done for my mom and she did not fuss at me that much this time. 

I wish I could go to the nami conference. I will think about maybe attending if I can. But I think I can’t.

 Well hello everyone. I did my laundry. I think I will mail some clothes to myself but I actually could do two bags. Does anyone have any thoughts about that. I think I would rather mail some clothes.  I think I will not mail shoes. So at about 2 pm I will go to the post office. 

Mom said she felt I did a good job on clearing the boxes etc. I think I did too. There are two leftover boxes of junk and trash.  I think they can just be tossed.

Gice I am coming to the end of my video budget.  This means also that I have less book budget but I actually do have that amazon store card and can do another round of library books.  Do people still want a free book? I do not know if they do.  Those books are starting to fade into the past for me.  And yet sometimes I am like gee this is good stuff and it should not be wasted.

So I will keep trying to get an agent. But you know what, an agent doesn't mean sales.  So possibly I should keep doing ads.  I mean I do not know. Am I supposed to just assume my books are selling when I have no evidence of that.

Well I do not know. I need to charge this computer. I am thankful that the trip went well and there were no health problems, traffic concerns, really bad social issues, outbursts, and things like that. I did send messages and not meet with people but I will try to apologize for that soon.

What were the main things about the trip: the books, the video boosts, the family visits, the computer sale, the food, a few zoom meetings, and I think that is mostly all.  That is good and I am thankful.  

I miss my therapist who is on vacation.  Hmm there is a nami group soon. I think I will attend.

Ok have a great day everyone.

 Hello everyone. This is Refried. I am in a zoom meeting and it is very grounding. Earlier I attended a meeting about autism. It was excellent. I gave a donation. I might do a church donation sometime but I have to make sure the time is right and I have the cash.

Right now I am listening to a guy named Larry Leech talk about fiction flaws.  It is excellent.  I mean the stuff he is talking about now is what I need to figure out.  What setting details are necessary.  Because I think I short people on that a little bit and it might weaken my books. But also it is too late now.

I mean have I already been identified? I just question if I was so good that my novels could be propelled sight unseen.  But maybe people did think that. Or think they could be ignored because my stories were good.

Gice I think my writing career is mostly over in terms of actual work. That is kind of exciting, isn't it? And yet I still am thinking of jokes and poems sometimes. So maybe there will be a story or two. Or I could try to fix Poncheesy.

Hmm, maybe that will be a project soon.  Like take away the last part of the novel and start again on page 50. I mean it was good stuff and then I uploaded my journal. And I think one of my friends who read it didn't like it.

Anyway I had a good day. It was a challenge but I did the right thing.  My budget is back to normal for boosting posts. I want to do higher boosts and get a cool mil for some videos. But I might need to keep it in the 606060 range. I mean I do not know. Mainly I think I need to plan for a higher budget and acquire that funding somehow ahead of time.

I really had more expenses this winter but it was legitimate stuff, like that social work license stuff that did eat up the whole deposit. Hopefully that will work out and my license is renewed okay.

Gice I think it might be valuable info for autism researchers that I am disabled at fiction but able when the characters are mice. I mean that is a fact. Maybe people can read the books later and see that.

I don't know how to find sponsors for my book business.  But maybe there are sponsors.

Well everyone, I hope you all have a great day.

That was crazy that I saw a vision, wasn't it? A bronze or iron Alligator that might or might not be alive.

Possibly the main idolatry problem.  And yet my mom is acting when she tortures me. She is part of the conspiracy. But anyway I got most of the book work done for those boxes in the other room. All that is left are two keeper boxes, one trash box, and one mystery crate. I think I will make it a keeper. I mean I could look through it right now.

Gice ups and downs live and learn. I hope my train ride goes well. Maybe it is not that big of a deal. Gice some people are really suffering right now but a lot of people were okay when I wasn't.  I was a canary in the coal mine for some stuff and I believe the other people will get through it just as I did.

Well have a good day everyone.

 Hello everyone. It is 4:24 on Thursday. Tomorrow I go home from my trip. I had a good trip and did not spent too much on restaurant food. But I spent some on two joy of Tokyo, one konichiwa, and some coffees plus tips. But I also did not order a lot of books to mail. So there were some savings here and there.

My budget is not going to be a lot for video boosts but possibly it is better to feel that again like the art posts. I just will have limitations and it will be okay.

I got some good messages from Ravneet a while ago. 

I think I need to finish up with the boxes in the other room. I think I unpacked about 7 boxes and sold three bags of books. 

I am thankful that my health was ok in this trip. I mostly took my medicine every day. I got good sleep last night and will try to get good sleep tonight.

I just had some leftover peanut butter pie. 

Gice tomorrow I might mail half my clothes to myself so as not to carry another bag. I also might stay in a hotel one night in New York so I can take the train to the Bronx in the day time. I need to check the cost of it right now.

 Hello everyone, this is Refried.  I think I am going to the mall soon. I am waiting for my phone to charge. I need to go through one more box of stuff but I think I have done enough work in that room mostly. I could work on it later too. I am going to the autism group today instead of the nami group at 6. 

My Venmo balance did not seem right but I think it is okay. I think it is just taking a while for the payment to post. Sometimes it gets adjusted really quickly but this time I was like hey did they reduce my credit limit but I think it is okay and just taking a second.

I think everyone supports not overdoing it with facebook. Yeah I think that is good.

I will do some more videos soon, maybe on the train. 

Well, time to get going.

 Hello everyone. It is now April 2, no longer April Fool's Day. It is 1 am. I will take my medicine in about an hour. I have stuff on my mind as I crack the code. I mean these are my wheelings and dealings and I am thankful to be alive. My girlfriend reflected "tired," earlier, and that is what I was going to say. Like I am glad I am still around to do my usual decisions and live and learns, but it is true that it wears on me in various ways on various days.  But mostly I am doing okay. I think the train trip will be okay but what if it is not? I am somewhat expendable.  And certain things are mostly done.

I mean just to pause and reflect, aside from plans and ideas, it is good that I am at this place with the video boosts.  Because really it is optional.  I mean in a way I don't want to miss the opportunity, but in another way I just want to remark on how nice God is to give me a new hobby that is easier than religion. I mean I don't want to say that the wrong way. But these videos are just for fun. It does matter and I think it will help there be positive content and a gift from me and my conspiracy to nice people across the world. I mean it is nice and there could really be some classics in the mix.  But it is ai, and many other people are doing stuff that is almost similar. And already I have entered enough prompts that I could be copied and then you know what, did it really have to come from me? Not necessarily.

But what I am saying is this is how it is when I see visions, too, like it is not beyond my strength.  And I just feel like this is a sign of that yoke that is not heavy.  I mean this is the most I have ever felt that. Except actually the mild love feeling when I did share those religious posts was also a sign of that.

But I am sure that it will be challenging some times. And I might still have to do some brave ads soon. It's not that brave.  But sometimes it is not that easy.

Anyway I think it is okay for me to stay up until about 3 am. Then take my medicine. I have food back here and I will be able to take it. I can also go into the kitchen if I need to. I mean I could make coffee.

Hmm I do not know if I will do that. 

Gice I think that was nice of Brain and Jonanner to come visit me today. And Jocelyn is my friend too.

Gice Ravneet didn't have a luxury trip to Greenville.  I think she had to work. 

Well, that is all for now. Does anyone have any thoughts. 

 ok everyone hello, I am home after two social outings. I am thankful and it was yummy. I did the best I could and mostly am doing better than I was doing last year when I saw some of the same friends.  One of my friends is a famous physical therapist on YouTube.  So that is really neat. They have done about a thousand videos!!  I can't believe that. I told her I thought she might run out of stuff but she said there was plenty of material. So that is neat.  I told my mom the truth that it was my friend from college who was the Bellevue hero and it of course shook her up all day. I knew she might not be able to handle it but I felt that mostly she would be blessed to know I was still friends with those people.

I don't know if I should have told her but it will be some psychological food for her that will probably last months.  I mean that incident was a big event in her life. And she likes Brian because of how he was such a great friend and missed his flight to stay in New York etc.  I actually did not know that until she told me about it today.

So anyway I kind of had some ups and downs today and I don't know if I socialized okay. I kind of jibber jabbered a lot at lunch but I think it was okay. I told Brian there might be a mess with my last will and testament and the book rights. And I told him about the three executors who don't know they are written down for that.  

So anyway that is interesting.  I gave my mom the chocolate cheesecake and I am taking a piece of peanut butter pie from coffee underground.  I am letting the cheesecake set back up in the fridge.

My trip is almost over and I am getting a little bit anxious.  I really have mental illness everyone, let's not forget that. I mean it is not easy sometimes to just get through a normal day.  But mostly I am okay and I have been taking my medicine.  It is important that I take it tonight and tomorrow night.  Ok today is Wednesday. I have a class with MC later. It will be good. I think this break from the Nami groups is good.

I talked to Emma Chesed on the phone about the Nami walk.  I will do the best I can.  She was nice and I hope she feels hopeful too.  It is not that easy doing fundraising during hard times. I told her I might do some emails but I don't know how that will go. 

I think I might get another credit card for the videos. I think I should also ask mom to sponsor the videos but not right now because she just helped me with that.  And really that needs to be enough and you know what, I should accept limitations.  And another thing is that I am getting a following for these videos so I might not need to always boost everything.  But I think some boosting will help that and then I can just go with the following. But I know that when I do a lower boost sometimes I think I should have sprung for the higher numbers.

So anyway live and learn, ups and downs, hits and misses. Gice how did I do, did I do okay?

 Hello everyone. This is Refried. My mom is slamming doors right now because I threw away a Starbucks cup with a little bit left in it. It is because they gave me a grande because I asked for more milk.  I will need to explain that to my mom. I have to explain things about most things that I do but she has been better for this trip so I am not going to just list every little thing which is the whole point I am trying to say. I mean every single little thing is questioned or defended.

I need to throw away some more trash from what I cleaned yesterday.  I am going to the mall to see a friend that she would want to know about but I don't know if I can tell her because she would freak out. It is my friend from when I went missing at Bellevue.

Ok some of this draft got erased.

I told my mom about my friend and she was reminded of old times but I felt that she should know and be happy that I am still friends with that person.  

My mom deserved for me to be mentally ill and have a life that devastated her.  People say wow that is such a horrible thing to say but my family made choices in how they treated me and God did not put up with it.

 Hello everyone, this is Refried.  I am going to go eat with two friends soon.  I think it will be fun.  Then I am going to have coffee downtown with another friend.  I did not fold my clothes from the dryer yesterday so some of my clothes are wrinkled . But it is okay. I have a shirt that is not wrinkled.

The computer took a chunk out of my funds but today I got my SSDI payment and that helps a lot. I mean honestly I am close to normal and can only do one or two more main video boosts.  But really that is a lot.  Two more boosts of three or four videos each is actually a lot.  I mean okay I can actually do about three.

So that is great. But I need to pay for my comedy class also.  It helps me see myself as a comedian.  I told my sister some of the jokes I had planned and she thought some were funny but some should be skipped.  I mean pretty crazy.  I had a good time with my sister but I can tell she still feels hurt about years past but it wasn't my fault and she made a lot of choices herself.  But I think she will get through it and I think my life isn't so amazing that it will cause her to suffer. I mean there are some cool things but there is some low status and suffering also.

There was only a little bit of coffee still in the coffee maker so I do not know what that means except maybe drink another one at the mall or something.

Gice my numbers on the charts hit 100 mil finally but I had deleted about 3 mil and then there is also organic reach to consider.  And I think I am at about 11 mil for that. I just think that has to be the estimate. And then about 10 mil for likes and comments.  So I mean that is getting to be 120 or 130 for total things.  But really I like to have that extra cushion so when I get to a milestone I can consider it done earlier. 

I mean I am sorry but these numbers mean a lot to me and are a good way of measuring some kind of reach that I was really going for. I mean think about what else I have going for me and there are other cool things in my life but I don't have a paycheck for work anywhere and am kind of bullied sometimes.  So why shouldn't facebook go well. And it is the thing that most matches my prayers.

Spellcheck just tried to say ostensibly.  That is kind of comical. I think it is a message from Ravneet who might be pretending to be one of the other dames.

Well I mean I am just keeping that the way I said it. Gice when will there be another thin book, I do not know.  I could work on it on the train, maybe, and get through the trip more easily.  It will be fine. 

Well, time to get ready to leave. Have a good day.