Hello everyone, this is Refried. Today is Tuesday, Feb 3. I just took another walk and got some food.  I got prepared food which was an idea I had not thought of.  I got a sandwich, a calzone, and a biscuit.  And then a few extras.  So I think that is for this next two days.  And then I can eat cereal and rice for the weekend.  Then I will start taking normal grocery trips.

This was a weird storm and I can tell people are shaken up by it.  But some people are out there working like normal.  I might order Thai food and that will be the lobster dinner that I thought I would do this week.  I could use a credit one card.

I mean when would I do that. I am thinking I would do that tomorrow, and I would have leftovers on Thursday. I mean am I a being a hog or something? I think it is okay and I am doing the best I can.

Something happy is that I just gave away four joke books at the deli.  Two to workers and two to customers. And they were really happy. So that is fun.  Plus the books I mailed today is fourteen for the day. So let's see, 12, 30, 42, 60, 72. I guess I still have a lot left to give away.

I think I won't send any messages today but might send some tomorrow and mail some books Thursday if I feel like it.  But I don't know.  But definitely that was enough for today. It does change everything to be giving some away to happy recipients.

So anyway I need to fix the art mart photo situation but it is okay. I know that some people won't like it, but I could not help it at the time.

So okay, it is about 2 pm. Maybe rest and then do messages.

 Hello everyone, this is Refried. It is Tuesday, Feb 3. I just went to the post office to pick up three packages and mail two.  It went well.  There are still some snowy parts of the sidewalk. I also got some water from Walgreens.  So I am thankful for that.  A lot of people were outside.  It was a lot of disabled people and generally people were not that happy.  

I am so glad I got some sleep and feel rested. I do not think I will go back out today but I do not know. I could see myself taking a shopping bag and going to a store for some rations.  However I might do that tomorrow instead. I could do the same exact loop.

I think the water was the key thing to get. And other than that, I can make pumpkin soup, spaghetti, chicken, cereal, and oatmeal. However I do think during one of these three warmer days I should go to the store.  

Today I think I should catch up on messages and calls. 

That was a key excursion. I am glad it went well. Do you gice think I should take another trip at about 3 pm. Well I might if I feel like it.

The new Art Mart cover looks good. I am happy with it. That is a cool book. 

The lack of book sales and career loss is sickening to me.  There is a proverb that says how good for the heart it is for your desires to come true.  And how something deferred makes the heart sick.  And I feel that someone chose that for me and was wrong and millions could have been helped if things had taken even half of a normal path.

But anyway, a different society will be blessed someday, and our bullcrap people will start over in heaven.

 Hello everyone, this is Refried. I feel better. I do not really know what I did that helped. But I have decided to postpone medicine and go to the post office at 9 am. I think I have to go the long way. And then I will try to go to Key Food.

Hopefully they have some soups. Maybe I will get some potatoes. And cheese and sour cream.

My feeling that things were going to change is mostly gone. That was from recent weeks. But I at least for now feel ok in my current situation. I didn’t for a while a few hours ago because I got triggered. I don’t really appreciate that.

The SNL skits were not a relief but I would probably be entertained now by some of it. I just sometimes feel the political problems and the hate, which I think is sometimes felt towards me personally, and truly for no reason. But I won’t go into a rant because I think I have some real friends who are not that mad at me. 

I mean I don’t know. What a weird mess, I feel like it could have been different. But anyway do you Gice like my poems from last week? I am having a hard time in the cold but I think maybe going to the grocery store today and tomorrow and maybe even the next day will help me feel better. And maybe go to an online church event. Because honestly sometimes I think they hate me but that might not be true.

I have two packages to mail and I hope they have the packages that probably got here last week. But you know what, they might not, and it will be okay.

Well, have a good day, maybe if people are in a bad mood they can make fun of people’s religion and identity while saying you shouldn’t do that.

 Hello everyone, this is Refried. It is Tuesday, Feb 3. I had a good evening and went to group therapy online, and then my writers group.  Then I talked to two friends on the phone.  One friend is in a crisis and I didn't know how to help her so I told her to get sleep and try to figure it out in the morning. I might call her tomorrow and suggest that she seek help at a hospital.  But I felt that no matter what I suggest, it will not help, and she is going to do whatever she thinks is best, and every time I think I understand the situation, I don't.

So that kind of scrambled me tonight.  And I need to go to the post office tomorrow and might skip meds tonight and go in the morning.  Daniella said that it is normal to miss meds sometimes.  So I think I have permission to do that for one day and see how I feel.  But I think in the afternoon I will feel sick because of the Latuda wearing off.  And I have three meetings at night.

So honestly I am kind of shaken up and might take my medicine at 2 am and do the errands in the afternoon instead. I mean maybe I could get up at noon and go to the post office and store at 2 pm. 

Well I do not know. I might watch some SNL videos to try to get my mind off of it all. It really bothered me. But those were two phone a friends, and two from Saturday, and then Justin and Jay soon hopefully.

I have completed my poem extravaganza and ended with a finale of an actual magazine submission.  But it is a long shot, because I already posted all the poems on my blog.

I miss my facebook friends and feel their absence as my recent post reaches people in India and not America.  But I got 300 views from America in the week before last.

I want to order my new book but I have to wait until the final update posts tomorrow morning.  Then I will order about ten copies. But I want to order about 30 copies but I can't.  But I could do ten at normal and then 15 or 20 as author copies.

I keep clicking on the wrong classical music video and being bothered.

Well, that is all for now.  I will probably post again later. 

 Gice I think that was a traumatizing little paranoia spell, to think I had messed up the meter on all the poems I ever wrote.  But I did improve those three in question. I mean that was weird, what does it mean, I do not know.  Possibly it had to do with the cross being shared, so that made me get in a success zone before.  What do you gice think? 

Well I do not know. But I am sure people are tired of my obsession about it all.

Gice this cold weather really wore me out and I just saw that it is coming back next weekend. For a few days it will be in the thirties.  But that is still cold at certain times of day. I think I need to watch the news.

I don't know if I will go downtown this week after all.

I hope people like my poems on that blog.

I might ask for a partial scholarship to the conference. Maybe I will send Becky an email tomorrow.

Now what, maybe get my mind off things.  

Well, thanks everyone.

 Hello everyone, this is Refried. It is Feb 1 at 10 pm. I am doing okay. I fixed that poem and feel better. The book is fine but I will update it one mroe time with a poem I left out.  

This week I might go downtown and go to a restaurant.  Ok now I am listening to my church service.

I think today is the last day of the cold storm. Tomorrow it will be 33 degrees. I will try to go to the post office and maybe the grocery store or go get water.

Then maybe I will send messages to see if people want a free book.

But I wonder if people want the rhymes book. Well I do not know.

I think I don't really have anything new to say in this post. 

I just have a hard time tolerating it when people see a wrong poem.

So maybe take the time to get it right. But it is okay.

Most of them are fine. That is the relief. A few poems made me doubt all of them but just fix those.

So anyway are people mad. Some people might be but I am saying my thoughts.

Gice my 3rd shift schedule makes me not call as many people.

But I think also it is healthy to not need a team of phone people constantly.

Ravneet got worn out some during all this.

Well, have a good day everyone.

 Gice i know the poetry meter is mostly good

but do i depend on people to find it too much sometimes?

the idea is if people read it naturally, it would still have meter

here is one of the rhymes in question:

"An empty church could be a sign of people who don’t sing,

Or it could be a humble and disguised commissioning."

possibly people would naturally read it like this:

OR it could be a HUM ble and dis GUISED

but I want them to say "or IT could BE a HUMble AND dis GUISED"

it is hard for me to know because some people can't read rhyme.  but some think that those people do read rhyme if the rhyme is right.  but i think you have to get into it like rap.

Any thoughts? I will ask my friend Claire Bateman.

She said it is okay but later I figured out the solution:

"Am empty church could be a sign of people who don't sing,

But maybe it's a humble and disguised commissioning."

I think most of my rhymes are fine. There could be a few issue but I was worried that I had messed it up on all the poems I ever wrote.  But I think they are fine. So the new book is cool. I still have one more upload because I left off a poem. I do not know when I will post it.