Hello everyone, I just studied some slides about the brain and the disease of reward systems involved with addiction. I believe I will be able to learn the material in the class and get a certificate for the CE.

Unfortunately, I am feeling mad as I learn because I can see some of the offensive mistakes in my medicine that have ruined my life at various times.  And the way doctors don't really know that much more than any of us do, and think it is okay when they ignore the more reliable info that we tell them.  Such as, "this medicine is ruining my life." Such as "you have ruined my health permanently and I will never recover."

Anyway, I think I will post about it on facebook soon. I mean in a way I am a broken record by now.  It is the same stuff.  I was fine on 600 mg trileptal and 1 mg risperdal.  Anything else damages exactly the reward system.  The other meds make me hungry because they are torturing my appetite system already, so to comfort it, I eat.  And all psych meds do that, and millions of doctors have given their patients diabetes and don't give a crap and never will.

Also on my mind are the social media problems and the way people found that they were able to ruin our social lives.  And they did. They ruined all kinds of things in our world, and some people were okay with it, because it meant pain for their enemies. So they were hypocrits and did not stand up to it.

Anyway I need to find that article where O.D. the neurologist gave due propers to God and Jesus.  Because frankly he did and now he is very successful. And I think it is a good example that people can use to teach others what due propers looks like.

 Hello everyone, I had another interesting Barnes and Noble dream. It started off where I was with my sister and we were in some chairs and there were people who needed money and I found some ones and fives and gave it to someone who ended up being a friend of mine who I already knew and she went to the parking lot with me and I was worried that she would demand the rest of my money but she didn't, so then I went back in Barnes and Noble and was in the cafe and it was crowded and Judy Hertzell was working there and I bought a frappacino and her book about truth and I said to her and someone else, this reminds me of the valencia frappacinos and the book called The Hours.  The store was crowded and I needed to use the mirror in the bathroom so I went to the back but there was a line so I waited and a lady with a stroller tried to block the door when I left but it was okay. The other interesting thing was that there were all these good looking well dressed sci fi people. Not really like dragon con where some people are in alien costumes but more like fancy arcade like themes and they were just good looking and seemed from a different culture.  And I ended up scanning to see if it was racially diverse and I don't know if it was.

Then soon after that I woke up and almost couldn't remember the dream.  So that is interesting. I think it was mostly a good dream. Then I thought about the trainings soon but I can't go to the extra monday one because I am going to my doctor's appointment. I think it is good that there is time in between these days even though I kind of just want to get it all done.

Was my behavior okay for the OCD. I think it was okay. I just said a few things in the chat and it was all relevant. So anyway I should go outside today a little bit if I can. I think I am caught up on sleep.

Well, that is all, have a good day everyone.

 Hello everyone, this is Refried. Today is Saturday, March 7. I had a dream this morning where I was working at Barnes and Noble and laughed about something and it was funny and I stood up to the boss who most tortured me. There was a visiting manager and I laughed about something and then was wondering if I should do something like blame myself for 500 million deaths in a trial.

So that is interesting. At 10 am I have a presentation to go to and it is about OCD. I am interested in the topic and yet I always kind of haven't been a fan of it in some ways.  But I think I will be able to pay attention and pray for all the people out there with anxiety disorders. Anxiety is rough.  I think I will be a little bit triggered because my mom has an anxiety disorder and gets her relief from controlling me.  And there is a unanimous acceptance of that which I will never understand.  Why everyone thought it was my problem. Like that is what I am here for.

Anyway two nights ago I was praying for forgiveness for my mom and then I prayed another simliar prayer and saw a cobra. I think it represents and enemy being defeated.  And the thing I thought would work would be my mom's pruning shears. Well she prunes the shrubbery when she is mad at me.  So that is interesting. I mean maybe that is the weird teamwork. Because some of the dynamic has always been a resource of some kind. A negotiation on the level of world leaders.

So that is kind of a weird thing to be on my mind.  Another thing is an issue with a conference.  I will have to get that settled on Monday. It will be okay. I am just worried about a certain component of it but I think it will work out okay.

So today hopefully this seminar goes well and I will be at over 30 credits! Then Monday and Tuesday I will hit the total, and Wednesday, Friday, Saturday will finish the deal. I am glad I did some of those other credits. I mean honestly it is tempting to try to do one tomorrow but I am out of cash for it. No more will I pay. I did use almost all that my mom gave me for the classes. That could have bought a lot of books for people but I have enjoyed doing these credits.

Well, that is all for now. I had good food yesterday and still have some leftover for lunch. I think Russia is helping Iran and that is not good news. But this stuff has been brewing for years so I guess this is it. I have said before that eventually people will want the mexicans to be soldiers.  And I think that is happening today at a summit.  Well, have a good day everyone.

 Hello everyone, this is Refried. It is Thursday, March 5 at 2:30 pm.  I slept late today and had a dream where I was trying to get to the airport but was supposed to watch Phantom of the Opera at 12:48 and then I realized it was a.m. and I missed the show but I was glad because I could still get to the airport and then I was driving and then I could not get the gear shift to keep the car in drive and then I was at Carla Murray's childhood home and it was her birthday and there were a lot of boxes of gushers. She was not a child but her mom was there and in charge of the birthday.  Then I woke up and it took me a second to figure out that I don't still have the problem of the driving thing and that it was just a dream. My sister was in the dream, too, and was nice to me. So that is interesting.

I found out on facebook that I don't have much organic reach for the new pages. It probably totals one million for all three of those pages, plus recent jokes page.  And I have thought it might be 5.  But this round of boosts is about 4 million, plus that one million, makes me still be at about 99 million for views.  And if I say "views, likes and shares," then I am at about 110.  And I have said that when I have listed that. I say 100 million views, likes, and shares.  Some people would say, "reaching 100 million people."  But that number is really at about 30 million. Well I think that is great, too. I am happy with those numbers.  It is not good to compare myself to the billions people. It is good to be humble and frankly I truly am content with most of this. I just still feel like there was a weird missing book sales number.

But anyway, today, Bonnie Bridges, who was my 9th grade English teacher, wrote me to say she read my novel.  And her perception of it was awesome, I am so thankful.  And I forgot that I put an English quote from her in the novel.  So that was a surprise for her. And what does it tell you? That God is good.  I mean the way he reached me in that English hall with all those teachers, and journalism class, and yearbook, and newspaper column, I mean it was his work and neat that he would care about a teen like that. I mean he had my whole life in mind and he has been doing that for people since the beginning of time. And I will pass it along to other teens.

And maybe some of the way other people did better than me is a clue of what to hope and pray for from my eventual constituents.  So anyway, that is cool.  I hope the book does well over time, and all the English teachers feel happy.  We had some issues with me and I think some people felt bad, but I wonder if they knew they did well, too. I mean I really had good English teachers.

So anyway, that is cool. That is a great day.  And then yesterday I passed that test.  That was a challenge but I got a 90. That is great for me. The Tuesday test will probably also be a challenge but I believe I can do it if I concentrate. Hopefully my health will hold up. 

 Hello everyone, I passed a test that was not that easy.  And I learned a lot.  I think one of the questions was tricky and why couldn't it be worded the way that matched the chart?  

But it is okay.   I now have 25.5 hours done. But one of those hours doesn't count because it is self study.  So let's see, 3 on Friday, 3 on Saturday, 3 on Monday, 3 on Tuesday, and 3 on Wednesday.  So that will put me at 40 and I will be all set but still be signed up for about three extra sessions.  But that is okay. 

I am learning a lot and it is on my level. So that is good. Next Friday I do the Child Abuse update. After that, I will email the Nysed with my proof of completions and it is going to be okay.

Wow I am glad I got through that quiz just now. It was not that easy. I think it should have been a little bit easier. I told them that on the evaluation. I got a 90 on it, though. So I am thankful for that. There were actually 3 or 4 questions I wasn't sure about.

So anyway, I think I can stay up late tonight but I have inspection tomorrow. Do I have a presentation? I do not think I do.

Wow, that was not that easy. But it was okay. I was able to pay attention and I did learn a lot.

Well, thanks everyone, who has been following along.

Gice is the seminary mad at me? I do not know if they are but sometimes it seems like it and yet wouldn't that be doubtful? And it could be that they are doing it as part of the conspiracy for some reason. 

Well hmm I do not know. But I sent someone a joke book, and I sent a poet teacher a poetry book, and I sent my friend Amy Mostella a library book. The post office questioned me a little bit but I think it is ok.

Well, have a good day, everyone.

 Hello everyone, this is Refried Bean. It is Tuesday, March 3.  At 2 pm I have therapy. Drena is helping me because she knows I am in crisis about the CE credits. But she is also proud of me because I was assertive and proactive.

It is possible that I will go mail a book at about noon but I might wait. I kind of feel content sitting here in my room for a while.

I am in a gender therapy group and they were positive about me going to a conservative event and being honest there.  I appreciated it and had feared that they would not support me even being friends with those people.  But they were supportive, and I think people surprise you sometimes, and as a country we should have already been getting along on this issue. And I think we were about to until the 2020 problems.  It was the politics and election.

I hope Iran gets okay leadership and other middle east places are safe enough from the bombs.  I am not that anti Trump on this issue.  But I also don't know about some of it.

About the CE credits, I am sad to see consistent problems with the social work licensing habits.  The tricky questions, the failure to notify clearly enough about rules, the insinuations that resulting trip ups have an ethical violation quality to them, and then the silencing and isolation meant to force people to respect something not truly respectable. And then some people are successful enough so they support it.  Well I am a little more free and will say some stuff probably. And then it brings back memories of social work school, where I genuinely almost didn't believe it when I encountered those ways. I literally thought it was some kind of psychosis treatment where people did something that made no sense on purpose.

And I can't remember if I already said this, but there are philosophical implications of having a "code of ethics" in the first place.  Because it is conceivable that a profession would adhere to just plain ethics, and that people would generally agree across all boards about what was right and wrong.  But conception might be the issue anyway, mighten it.  Well, that is all, have a good day everyone.

 Hello everyone, today is Mar 2. I am waiting for my therapy group to start at 6 pm. Today I completed 4.5 more CE credits. The presentations were very good. Unfortunately I will not be getting credit for the school social work "course." 

I am at 19.5 credits now. I can do 3 more on video. I think I will do them from TZK instead of NASW. Why? Because I am in the 90s there, which is how it should be when I pay attention to something for one hour and a half and then answer questions about it.

I wish I could do a CE credit tomorrow. I mean maybe do a video.

Well, that is all I will say for now.