Well hello everyone, today is Friday, May 8. I just finished washing the dishes and counter for inspection.  I think I have done better this time than last week. Last week I was too tired.  This week I was able to do a lot of chores.  I should sweep or mop as well.  But I think it is all set.  The conspiracy has rolled out some new stuff that is very bothersome.  It is people being hurtful to me and guys wearing no pants in various locations where it is probably illegal.  Once downtown, once outside a building near my apartment, and once outside my door. And the hurtfuls are once at bible study, once from poetry, and once from youtube.

So that is not a fun conspiracy and I do not know what to do about that.  I mean is that the point, that the conspiracy always kind of tortured me? Because honestly I found a lot of it to be good attention.

That was weird just now, I can't say that I understand why anyone would be so rude.

So anyway, what should I be doing right now? Maybe googling anemia.  I think what happened was from skipping two days of iron pills. But it was kind of extreme.  I am going to miss the hospitals if I leave here.  But I would love to go to Carolina Center for Behavioral Health.  I could go to PHP and IOP. I do not know if I could work there.  I think I would rather be a participant.

Where would I live? I would try to buy a house for Ravneet.  Ravneet, yoo hoo, please send me a message if you read this. What do you think of recent goings on?

Who wants the books I just ordered.  A lot of people.  I just need to send messages.  Also I forgot to send that pal from Linked In a book. Sorry! I will get to it!

Maybe that is what I should do today is reread books and mentally prepare for an actual rollout.  

Does anyone have any thoughts? I mean I do not know.

 Hello everyone, this is Refried. It is Friday, May 8. I am almost ready for inspection. I just need to clean the kitchen area a little more.

I feel better today and don't even really remember the anemia feeling. Is it possible that it is a latuda issue? I do not know. But I got sleep and felt strong enough to do inspection.  Actually last week I did not feel able to do inspection and today I do and it is going fine. Just a few more chores. So that was from fatigue.  Fatigue is not a game when it is severe.  And I think mine was dipping into severe levels. 

I took down the posts about torture on my facebook page.  There was something unresonant about the post not sharing to enough people, or maybe getting sympathy two years later when things might be okay.  It is possible that some things really can't be told.  So I do not know but one issue might be the albatross post and how I messed that up.  But one good thing is that the credit card did fix my name change.

So possibly do an inventory and some things have gone okay. The books are done. I think I am mostly okay with them.

I feel like some people are suggesting to move to Greenville. I have thought about it but don't see how it is possible.  Also I had intended to go down with the ship of NYC.  But possibly there has been a termination in the works and I am supposed to leave here.  But to go where? Probably Greenville.

I just need to sell books and have an income.  I have another suspicion but it is kind of weird.  And yet it could be true. Well, does anyone have any thoughts?  I think I did not do well with my behavior in NY. What do you gice think? I think I also had ups and downs with prayer, like some good but some not enough. But definitely PTS helped me and hopefully other people who had doubts.

But a lot of people concluded that most everyone was already on the right track.

Well let's see how inspection goes.  Then maybe some groups or a walk.

Does anyone have any thoughts?

 Hello everyone, this is Refried. It is 12:01 midnight on Thursday night. Tomorrow I have inspection. It is not that easy but I can do it. I am going to try ignoring it tonight and then going to bed at 3 and waking up at 10 am and cleaning.

Tonight a nice person named Dr. Mudge helped me with my low iron fatigue scare. I am ok. I might make some pancakes. Earlier I ate grits and it did not hurt my stomach.

I wish I had more ice cream but I have one serving of vanilla left and I mean why not be happy to finish the whole carton without wasting any. I am thinking add strawberry jam. 

Well, that is all for now everyone. Ravneet sent me some messages earlier and she is doing okay.

 Hello everyone, this is Refried. It is Wednesday, May 6. I went to a Nami support group and had a good time.  People are really going through a lot these days. I mean it is hard to believe but we are still the same nice people who were on facebook when it was such a miracle and I believe God will help us.

Tonight I ordered some more books and paid through affirm.  I think it was a good amount and I need to figure out who to mail to. I will have about 15 joke books to give away total, and 5 each of some other premium books.  But you know what, I think a lot of people would be happy with just a simple poetry book.  I am starting to assume people don't want the books because they are like me and can't read well.  But they can read fine and probably there are still a lot of potential readers.

Having my birthday and feeling the reality of just a few years left makes it easier for me to believe that I am never going to get a cash payoff for the books in my lifetime.  Like it is going to happen but not while I am here. I do not know why except maybe the conspiracy is trying to organize a life that has a certain suffering element to it for advocacy purposes.  And the idea is that I would rely on family money and never have a career that pays normally.  So I think I need to consider that and maybe talk to my mom some more about it.  I think this could be when I tell her the extent of my health stuff that she has been in denial about.  I think she does not ever want to get into a legal situation and I am kind of like that except that the abuses that have happened to me were so blatant.  It is hard to believe. I just don't know why they dared me to stand up for myself.

So anyway what is the total for me? It is limited.  It is about 24k times three.  plus maybe 25k extra.  So 100k left for me total. I am going to talk to my mom about it and see if we can afford for me to frontload some business expenses so the last three years, or really this year in particular, do the most they can to finish establishing the brand, reach people with books if they want one, and take reasonable advantage of the facebook opportunity.  I probably need to think about accepting some limits with facebook.  Like capping it at some point.  It will feel good to be done and I thought I was and then boom, there is a video opportunity.  I think that will last a year.  So maybe budget some now, some in the fall, and then really just let other people do their thing.  I am getting old and it is time to invest in whippersnappers.

Is that saying too much publicly.  Are people going to be mad at me?  I think if people think about their own cost of living then I am still in the low range. I mean a car alone would cost like 8000 a year.  And a house, no kids, no pets, no major debts, though a lot of expense is behind me.  But it is in the books and my survival.  The fact is that I survived and am at the thirty year mark for mental illness. 

So okay that just really made me feel better to get accepted for the affirm deal. Because wow I have had so many credit card rejections.  But I had acceptances but wow it is depressing when you don't get accepted.

So anyway okay that is all for now. 

 Hello everyone, this is Refried. It is 6:11. I woke up late today because I got some sleep without medicine and then I took my medicine and slept some more.

I have had a good day so far and am going to do laundry at about 9 or 11 o’clock.

My friend’s pet died and when I was texting her, she was so nice to me and it took me by surprise. So that is from God and really a nice thing that helps me a lot.

Then I sent a note to a hospital with an idea that I had for pet care when patients suddenly have to be hospitalized.

Hopefully that will help someone out there.

Gice life in NYC is not that easy and yet sometimes there are provisions here that aren’t everywhere.

I am going to run out of milk soon. I have enough for one more coffee. Maybe tomorrow I will walk to 7-11. 

Gice my money is low because I spent it on facebook videos to reach India but I made my choice and am okay for a while.

Gice honestly I still have space on two credit cards.

Anyway ups and downs live and learn.

What should I do tonight. I think I might make a cake.

We’ll have a good day everyone.

 Hello everyone, this is Refried. It is Tuesday, May 5. I just turned 49 today. It is my birthday.  Almost 50.  That is great. I think I am going to live until I am 53.

There was an issue with the train on the way to comedy class. 

I jsut worked so hard this afternoon so I could show up with no problem. But the issue on the train seemed like something that happened another time. And I gave up and went back to my neighborhood.

I am eating some wings and lemonade tonight and attending two other groups online. I emailed my comedy teacher my new jokes.

I am very disabled now. I think everyone needs to manage their expectations of me.  I am pretty much done and the thing left to do is sell the books.  And my presence is in the books and that needs to be enough for most people.

Well, have a nice day everyone.

 Hello everyone, this is Refried. I am sitting in my apartment. I went to the post office and got a birthday present that my mom sent me. That was nice of her. She has always done well with that stuff even during times of torture.

I also picked up a box of five more joke books.  I do not know who all the recipients will be.  One thing I do think is that it is wasteful for people to not be getting books from the amazon site while they are available.

Anyway it is 2 pm. At 3 pm I will try to take a shower and then at 4 I will try to leave to go to comedy class.  There is still a chance I won't go because of the locked gate but I believe I probably will. I might skip the next class though.  Because I think I have already prepared a lot of jokes.

I think I am not going to call my mom today because the texts and birthday present went well.  I mean can't I send her a thing of molasses chips from Sees for mother's day. I think I should do that right now.

Well have a good day everyone.