Pals. I am not able to go on the California trip.  My mom had said yes but did not realize how soon she would have to do the deposit and her knee is hurt so she can't just suddenly go today or something. I mean I could ask that but I decided to let that be the clue I needed to cancel. My own disability is also a factor. It is just too big of a bite for me to chew.

It really is about the deposit.  I am wondering if we can change from monthly to trimonthly deposits. Maybe for 6000 so 2000 a month. I mean it would be hard to manage that and the money would dwindle but this is just not an easy set up and it is turning into me itemizing me expenses more than an adult should have to.

But anyway I am sad to not be able to go on the trip. It was a good opportunity and I feel like there was some possibility for sponsorship of the page. But I think it is the same as Write to Publish where they will think if I had just been obedient it would be game over. 

So I am sad to fake them out but I think also if they are that hurt then I would need to have more paid for. Like if I am make or break then I need a plane ticket. But they know that.

It is kind of sad but honestly I am not up for that kind of travel, am I? I just don't fly. What am I going to take a cab to JFK and hop on a plane after a TSA violation and then take a cab to a hotel and not sleep and have gallbladder pain and not have a go to hospital? I mean I am disabled. I am down for the count.  We just discussed that I have three years left. I can barely do trains to SC.

This was kind of weird, the way mom said yes and then it was a no go. I just feel it is safer this way anyway. I did the best I could. 

 Hello everyone, I am doing okay. I think what happened is that I saw some memes that were better than mine and it put me in a low mood.  But I am happy for those people. I really am. I am not jealous. And I am happy for myself to have memes at all. Some of my memes are really funny and I do not mind not being the ultimate.

Gice, my lawyers are the best, I am really happy with them.  I need to figure out which books to register. I bet they would let me do about ten. I mean possibly I should do 30 over the summer and fall.  So maybe start with ten and gradually add some more later on.

So do you gice think I will probably make an egg and cheese sandwich. I think that will be yummy. I had also thought I would make cookies today but I didn't. 

So let's see. I just get the pan out, put some butter, heat it up, add an egg, cook it, add cheese, put some mayo on the bread, and then I have a sandwich, I can do it. I will try to do that at midnight.

Gice it is so sweet how people have been nice to me. It is weird how I have a lot of foibles isn't it. I think some of it is the anxiety and awkward autism stuff.  I think it means we should try to help everyone like that. I think I should post about the Ayn Rand people on my page and stick up for them.  I mean think of all the bad news and then there is that. I mean why not be happy. And they are russian. So it is like hmm, russians. And yet they aren't nuking us.  They are climbing the empire state building and nice people. So let's be thankful for that on our feeds.  I mean on New Years, it will be in the highlights. Which reminds me that I need to call Sarge. I think that could be a good happy thing in my week. I hope she is not mad but all my phone a friends got rationed out over months instead of days.

I wish I had a strawberry pretzel salad. I think i do have some jello. I feel okay now. Notice I did not help myself to an online appointment. I really try no to overdo it.

Gice did you see how the young guy at the muslim deli was nice to me. I hope you gice can do a good conspiracy for them. But not to neglect 7-11 either. I mean and Burger King with their good coffee. They have been nice too and wow we know it is torture there sometimes, do we not? I mean we know that. What can we do about it. 

Well that is all for now. Ravneet said thanks everyone.

 Hello everyone. This is Refried. It is Wednesday, July 1. I kind of feel mild angst and depression.  It could be low iron fatigue. It is hard to tell if it is mental or physical.  But I am at least cooled off and okay in my room. I just kind of don't feel as good as I did earlier today.

It could be from trauma from texting with my mom.  Or going outside and being aware of how bad the heat is going to be for two days. Or all the news, etc.

It might be some fear about the possible trip but I think that will be okay. But I have felt overwhelmed sometimes lately, like from trying to do normal things that aren't as disabled. 

I think I have a comedy class tomorrow. I hope it goes well. I think it will.  But I do not know if I am getting the link emails or not.

But anyway I just ate some sour dots. They were pretty good. Then I fixed myself a coffee.

I am excited about being in the self publishing group that I joined. I hope I sell some books soon. 

Tomorrow I talk to my therapist. I am really glad about that.

Ok Ravneet said I need to eat something. I think I should make scrambled eggs. I could also make a grilled cheese sandwich. Maybe I will do both. I think I can wait until ten oclock.  I think that might be why I don't feel that great is because I had a stretch of time this afternoon where I did not eat enough.

But I ate apple jacks and a milkshake a while ago.  So now I will have some coffee.

Well have a good day everyone.

 Hello everyone, this is Refried. Some people I prayed for had a good surgery and then things went bad.  I will try to see the rest of the video but I was not able to watch it all. I mean I guess I am a wimp or maybe selfish, frankly.

I talked to my mom and she is getting good care for her hip and has to do the other one in a few months. I mean wow I did not expect that and it kind of stresses me out. However she did say I could go on a certain trip to a conference that I want to go to.

And yet it is kind of not that easy to attend.  I just always said I would never travel to california and now I am probably going to at least try. It is actually very direct from new york and might end up seeming easier than my train trips.

But it means I need a deposit friday. I will tell my mom tomorrow. I hope this goes okay. I felt the holy spirit all afternoon and think it was because of conference prayers. Although it could be that ministry power from a middlechurch person that I felt the power from one time. Hmm that could be it but I do not know.  But anyway I ended up just deciding to do what I said I would do and it went well.

So now I will try to go to the conference.  It is just that the last conference yielded a return of 60 million video views.  I mean that was from that conference. So what will be from this one? I do not know.

This also makes me feel like I really let down the Write to Publish people but I did the best I knew to do in that scenario. I think their policy needs to be more inviting for attendees and the strictness can be applied to speakers. I mean does that not make sense to people? I think that is not a bad policy in this phase of church growth.

And yet I myself might have been wrong to not try to be a speaker for this conference that I am going to.  But it is okay. I probably could not handle the stress of feeling like I can't bail if something goes truly wrong.

So anyway I ate some apple jacks .I had felt a little weak from not eating much for several hours. I think soon I will drink some coffee. 

It is really warm outside and I think there is an effect from everything baking all day and then when the temperature is a little cooler it still feels like you can't cool off. I mean honestly I am kind of warm in my room right now. But we have air conditioning and you can feel the difference as soon as you come inside.

So anyway I also have orange sherbet so I can make a sherbet shake later. I think I will do that.  And I have enough liquid for two days but honestly I might should have gotten a twelve pack of soda.

Well, have a good day everyone.

 Don't you people get it? Proposing on the empire state building is cliche and these people went up to the top and it is so funny and cool.  What it everyone's problem that they are trying to make it political or something.  Or judge it.  Did anyone else do anything remotely that cool today?  I mean people going to work when it is hot is pretty amazing but this was a special cool thing and I feel like people feel when their sports team wins.

It is very Ayn Rand to me.

Congrats pals, I hope you get pardoned and not sent to rykers.

 Pals, my friend and I are postponing our open mic comedy debut because of the heat. It is weird because I really was going to go.  So now I will take my medicine at about 11 am.  I slept well and hopefully I will have an okay day.

I have to immediately figure out if I can fly to California. I just have never flown that far before.  I always felt like I would not travel there but I would like to go to the conference.

I think I am not going to invite the other church people.  I think I will try to hot dog it if I am able to.

It means asking my mom for the money.  Man she is tired of that. I will think about it for another hour and then maybe ask.  We just have a lot going on with her knee so I need to really consider if I can do a trip.

I have just a few hours to figure it out. It could be a fun opportunity but there are reasons not to go.  The disability is the main thing, the distance, and the cost. But the last conference had. good outcome and they were nice to include me.

I might give myself until 5 pm to call my mom after her appointment and maybe talk to my sister too.

So okay, this day will be fine. One thing at a time and do the best I can. 

I mean who knows, I might go to the conference and I would like to if I can.

 Gice possibly I was too slow to think of inviting a few people from my church in NY. Like I could imagine me plus Natalie plus Monique, or even five or six people just for fun. But it is invite only. And I think this is late in the game to secure an invite. But the pastor category is a thing and some people are online pastors. So if I said can I bring a friend who is also relevant to the conference then they might say yes. And people can only be an attendee now.

But honestly maybe it is a good idea. I think three of us. Because I am medically fragile. And I could ask my mom for some help but maybe less.

I just do really want to go to the conference if I can.