Hello everyone, it is 4 am. Time to take my medicine. I will try to go downtown later and pick up the pantropazole. I just inquired about the ad and got some messages that were very nice. I will try to apologize when I can about being so mean and rude. But it is because I miss my facebook friends.  And whenever things happen to me, I think of others who have it worse. Sometimes that is not such a good habit.  But mostly it is a good way to care about others.

So anyway, it was so sweet when I got those messages. It was hard to believe. I feel so bad for being mean but I was always a little bit mean when I complained.

They are saying India is in my jurisdiction.  And other places like USA are not. Like I was not assigned to that and we need to think about other people. They said China is also not my jurisdiction. It was so funny when they said that. They said my ad was not reaching people because I targeted China. 

And then that reminds me of secret messages from some other funny people and I am wondering why those people have to be so disguised.  I think it is because of the books.  Because of the ad that is actively sharing.  They told me it is not a game.  But I think it already got approved.

I think I am in a safe zone right now in terms of spiritual monsters etc but people are saying to be careful. I just think the main thing is to take my medicine. I might take it at 5. I think the mental health people will be okay with that.  The other stuff was because of the medicine.  But I feel like the dream I had yesterday was a reminder from God to be thankful I have people who will keep me from turning into a bad person.  Because in the dream I made a bad choice and it is only by the grace of God that my real life isn't like that.

So okay. Every day is a gift and I am thankful that my case of Covid seems over. People think I am not thankful for life but I am. It is just different when you are depressed.

Gice. it was funny when Maneet did that video of the pillsbury biscuits because Ravneet told me she would make some crescent rolls for me sometime.

Well, that is all for now. Thanks everyone. Things have calmed down at housing but they were in fact torturing me again but I am taking my medicine and hopefully it will be fine.

 Hello everyone, today is Tuesday, April 28. I wrote an essay a few hours ago and it went well. But a little while ago I started remembering some of the problems again and feeling sad.  Like the anger problems but I have problems too obviously.

But anyway then I checked my facebook ad and it is not reaching a normal amount of people. It is only reaching ten people per dollar.  But one out of two clicks like.  But no one is clicking on the link.

So that is really confusing to me. It just feels like an official, overt sabotage. Like someone chose for the ad to not reach people. And I feel that all my book ads have been like that.  Why is that?

And then I started thinking about books that have done well in various ways and I doubt mine a little bit in that same way.  Like there is something different and cool but I am not sure it is the same amount of the quality of the other books in question.

But anyway I don't understand the ad numbers.  Also I can't delete the angry emojis from three random profiles that seem fake. I mean that is very few.  But why is it ten views per dollar.  I think I might stop the ad. Like those numbers are not worth it. Are the facebook people punishing me for posting that Onion post? I mean that truly is censorship.  It is just such a weird time period where we were blessed and then everything got messed up and really bad people were excused from abuses that affected millions and billions of people.  Like for them it is okay, but God forbid that you such and such such and such, I can't think of an example of something.

 Hello everyone, it is Monday, April 27 at night. I just went to an awesome workshop led by my friend named Shemaiah, which means "God hears." Wow, that is really cool. Something came to mind which is a question I have about an essay I wrote which happens to mention a time in my childhood when I wore a heavy backpack when hiking and when I took it off, I thought I could fly.  Then, towards the end of that essay, there is a mention of a manic episode where I thought I could fly. And interstingly, the manic episode happened as I became relieved to finish college after becoming severely depressed during sophomore year.  But in the essay, I mention the manic episode without describing the part where I stood on a parking garage wondering if God wanted me to prove that I believed I could fly.

And I have always questioned my writing in that book, and felt that in reality, I was set up for a perfect essay but did not deliver on it.  Why is that? I borrowed a line in the essay about being "safe but not sound."  Did I forfeit a writing blessing by repeating something I heard somewhere else?  I do not think that is it.  And there is weirdly something else that I left out of that essay on purpose which was some bad stuff my dad did.  So what does it mean? Was it God tricking Satan so I could later write this blog post about it? Because I think there are implications for essay writing and the things in our lives that God has given us to write about, or that he has already "written" directly by making it happen.

Also interesting is that just this week I told someone about the woman at the well who said "When the messiah comes, he will explain everything."  And last week I was hoping that in heaven, Jesus Christ will do a powerpoint presentation about my life and tell everyone some psychoanalysis about my family problems.  I am thinking of a small lecture hall. A college classroom, even.  To sum it all up and make it worth it.  I mean could an essay not do that beforehand? Some people do achieve that, not once, but as a career, almost every day. They make sense out of things. Ideas fall into place. 

I was blessed as a poet. Maybe it is a confirmation of calling.  Like God himself saying, you are not a CNF writer, just yap on your blog and be a reporter.  Can people tell by this tone how I did try to make this an essay? But what is the conclusion: that I think I can fly but I don't think I can write an essay.

 Hello everyone, this is Refried. I am okay. I just talked to Karla. She said she was not targeting me and I need to talk to her directly if I ever doubt that. I think I am going to be switched to Linda for inspections eventually. That is good with me and I think Linda will be in the zone between good expectations and mercy. It is just life and death for me to feel like I can pass inspection. And I have now passed it 250 times. That is a major life accomplishment and some people will never know what it is like to have a disability in that category.

Anyway I am going to be back to normal soon. I am still keeping my new bully blog up and the cumulative results of years of stuff is a factor that no one can just expect me to disregard as I protect myself from a real effort against me that puts my actual life at risk.

Anyway I don’t know what all is true because frankly there is a conspiracy and I think The Bridge does know what effect they will get if they close the gate, skip inspection, turn off the air conditioning, give me COVID, and make Conrad the janitor get too close to me twice.

But like I said, I think things are back to normal.

I think I can see the other problems as similar to normal also. And mostly ignore it all as usual life in the ditch.

Hello everyone, this is Refried. I woke up late today. I am glad I caught up on sleep.  I also am caught up on medicine. I just drank some coffee and I have therapy at 4:30.  At 4 I have to talk to my case manager who made me do inspection twice this week and was a no show friday. It is part of a pattern of disrespect and abuse that is starting again.  

I think what I should do now is address the next box to be mailed. I can do it. Just tape it up and put the address. Then tomorrow take it to the post office and go downtown to get medicine.

I am sad and unhappy about how life has turned out. Just weeks ago I was fine and now Karla has ruined things on purpose. My other socializing is also strained and stressed and I can't wait until life is over.

 Hello everyone, today is Sunday. I just went to bible study and it was great. I learned something about guardian angels seeing us in a good light and it makes me feel better about some problems.  That is all I will say. I told the bible study people some stuff and that needs to be enough.

So okay. I am sending around the kirkus review. I feel okay about it.  I got some likes but it could be bots.  I do not know if anyone will read the review. I hope I get about 50 reads.  I mean to me it is about doing everything I can, progressing through some kind of career even without any money, and using the opportunity of facebook even though they have harmed us all so much.

Tomorrow I go downtown and then I have inspection. I was supposed to have inspection friday but my case manager was a no show.  I believe she did it on purpose but today didn't seem as torturesome so I am giving her a chance.  However this is noted as a third major offense in a recent series of power plays that seem to indicate a plan to torture me again, send me to the hospital, raise my medicine, and ruin my life. The risk that it puts me at even right this second is a tragic horror that there is no excuse for. 

I think definitely I should continue with my video series and people of the future will see the full range of prophet duties. There are many things I have not said. 

 Hello everyone, I am participating in a spiritual retreat. There was a recording from Howard Thurman and it was hard to put into words the peaceful refuge he had from the world in that particular recording. My comments for the breakout session will probably be that it reminds me of psalm 23 and it reminds me of the treasure in the field.  And the speaker teacher pointed out that thurman suffered from burnout and it is interesting because it could have been the evil plot to try to destroy that amazing spiritual calm that was preserved. So that is neat. 

I am making an orange sherbet milkshake and I added vanilla ice cream to smooth it out.  I think after this carton of sherbet then I should switch to vanilla because the sherbet is too hard to mix. I mean it is nice when you order it because you know it wont be melted but it is an issue that it can't be mixed properly and easily enough.

So anyway, this is a good retreat and I almost couldn't make any food. And it is such a subtle effect, like the calmness and meditation.

Do you gice like my review.  At first I saw the 11 likes from the other post and thought it was for this and it was such a different feeling than the zero reactions.  I mean the facebook company has truly taken back such a gift and ruined a blessing that I had. They have depressed our country. It is a sad thing and I will probably testify in the actual judgement day trials about it.

But I am okay with my facebook share and the review.  My therapist said it was a good review and I could tell that is true and she really felt that way.  I think friends will like it too if they see it.  I did not send it to phone pals.

Some people might say ha ha but I think that the kirkus people liked the book.  I feel bad that I said they were dishonest because they really weren't at all.  And after I posted that credit card post I could see the difference between the justice levels.  Like Kirkus did me right.  So that is good. I feel better. I feel that the story collection will be mostly positive and then that will be done.  

Ok, that is all.  Thanks everyone for reading my blog!