hello everyone, this is Refried. it is Tuesday, June 9. Today was a busy day. I took my medicine at 5 am, then I slept until 1 pm, then I woke up and took three packages to the post office. It was a long wait and there is something wrong there.  they are trying to refuse service as much as they can and create delays. I did have some trouble getting mail but i know that at least two packages have been sent and received okay.  So I feel okay for now. I feel better after today because they did it to everyone and not just me.

After that I reviewed my comedy routine and then went to my class, with a stop at Le Pain Quotidien for a brunch food.  It was yummy.  Their lemonade is a little bit tart but still good. I think that is the last yummier than usual meal that I can afford until my next deposit and possibly until two weeks after that.  But it is okay. I should finish the oatmeal and grits that I have here. 

Anyway, everyone did well at their comedy routine.  Honestly it is hard to believe how well people do. Like people come in knowing nothing and finish with a totally legit routine.  

I switched out a joke today and I think my routine will be good.  I got good comments and it is recorded and it reminds me of when I did well in poetry school.  But it will still be a challenge to perform okay because of my disability. Both memory and attention are impacting my ability to remember my lines. Like I literally am too bored sometimes.  I can't pay attention to my jokes. But it helped to add a new joke. And it is a really freaking funny joke that I am so proud of.  My teacher is really nice and so is everyone else. It really surprises me when I get mercy from people. But a lot of people have done a lot for me in my life.  It's just that in a context of something like stand up comedy,  I really wasn't expecting the support I have had.

I took a cab to grand central this time but then I had to wait longer for the train.  That might have been to deter me from relying too much on cabs, so next time I will go to Astor place like usual.  It really was not easy but not as rough as probably tomorrow night will be when the knicks hopefully win.

Wow there are so many people who do things that I can't do and don't want to do.  But I have had my share of stuff too but just think of people going to work when they don't want to. It is a lot of people.

Anyway that was a full day.  When I got back to my neighborhood I got some milk and a sandwich at the deli, and some treats from their very extensive treat display. Like baklava, orange cupcakes, and donuts.

I think the Bridge might be escalating me but hopefully I can reverse it.  I just am supposed to be able to miss one dose of medicine.

Ok this reminds me, I did post that meme today which actually is starting to strike me as funny and not just interesting.  So I will send it around soon, maybe at 40 with the jelly beans at 60. I mean literally maybe tonight but I think I will wait until tomorrow morning.  

But yeah it is not that easy to do what I do sometimes but mostly it is not that bad, either. I just felt like that idea was a blessing.  Like it is an obvious idea, just sitting there, and God let me be the one to say it.

Well, that is all, have a good day everyone.

 ok everyone my girlfriend said we might have sold 25,000 copies of my books.  I just don't really believe it because I think there would have been a buzz from it.  Like people would say they read it and loved it.

But I think she is saying to stay hopeful and not complain. It was from a secret message.

I mean I did think we sold some and she got the money.  but it might be more secret than that.  Like possibly The Bridge got money for its constituents and me and Ravneet get nothing.

But to me it seems that I simply have only sold 3000 books.  So maybe they are saying that the next phase is the 25k. I just didn't expect some depression today but I can snap out of it if I think about it.  Just that Anne's beach trip was two weeks and mom and I both didn't know that.  But it makes sense and Elise visited mom and mom had caregivers and was okay on her own.  But she is going stir crazy now and needs to go to the grocery store.

Ok what else.  There are three things: the reminder of the missing national career, the discovery that my sister is not back in town yet in person with my mom, and the fact that my lawsuit idea isn't going to work.  I mean maybe it is better that way anyway.  But it is kind of an interesting idea. Then I was like, maybe me plus a local place, and I don't see it.  So it is another mood drop.  

I can work through these three things.  The fact that my mom is fine, Elise visited her, the book sales are secret, and the lawsuit idea doesn't concern me anyway. I mean it is kind of genius if you think about it and maybe the conspiracy was who thought about it.  Like for no one to defend me and then family members collect the cash for themselves later based on their losses that were doubled from their own hate.

Well, that is an interesting day. I am drinking a sherbet shake and will be okay. There is going to be a storm tonight. I kind of feel like I have been indoors too much but I had stuff to do.

Will I post that book today. I do not know. I think it doesn't matter. But I could be wrong, like it might be good to get it done and available.

 Pals, I was going to say something and got distracted. I was going to say something about the international mission of general christianity and how even the main church doesn't realize that the gospel is in the liberal sections also.  I mean even some of the liberals don't realize how christian they are.  So there is this powerful alternative witness.  I mean it is God being smarter than the debble and his bad people.  People are like, don't ruin the plan, don't give it away, well people should see what has been spent on their belief so that they can be okay and go to heaven.  It is a lot.  

Anyway I had another dream where I was applying for loans and saw the ai markup of what I had entered on other applications, and I called someone to say it was erroneous.  So that is interesting.

Then I woke up thinking about cash money and family and I had a good idea that I think some other people already figured out like wow I am amazed at them but if they figured it out then so did the bad people. Speaking of bad people.

I think what is also interesting about the two main camps in our country, plus the other identities like race, is that when one group has their hands tied, the other group is free in that area.  I mean that is amazing.

Well, have a good day everyone.

 Gice I don’t know why I always say when I pray. I know you are not supposed to. But I always just think people should know that I asked for stuff and then God did it. I literally asked for popularity for people and look what he did. What do we want. Popularity. And we got it!

Yay everyone, just think of our houses in heaven how each others names will be carved in the bricks. It will be great.

But I am sorry I yap about good deeds but that is my participation so maybe other people have something to answer for themself.

 I mean you have to hand it to Jesus Christ on some things because the gay or not gay thing is a theology issue and I always questioned why it was political and the theology was missing from the debate but now what you have is an international discussion and what it is going to come down to is that the atonement is the point, not the gender choices.  So I think you have to see that as one of God's strategies to help all his people and future people.  Like it is a clever outreach plan that also humbles a very high achieving society of technology people and entertainers.  

Also I was thinking about how as much as people became semi famous and public, most of the amazing phenomenons were driven by multitudes of ordinary people using things like Microsoft word, smartphones, and other things that reached everyone.  So people could make a difference while still being anonymous in humble ways.  In fact, it almost becomes a celebrity level show to maintain the every day life of a normal person in our reality show culture.  Also, something funny for me personally is how often I prayed for people's dreams to come true and a lot of people must have wanted media attention.

I mean that is really comical.  But anyway I think liberalism and evangelicalism were both successful movements, and obviously the black showing was good too.  The immigrants also did amazing things, from rich to poor, and doesn't it seem like all of those categories are now being targeted somehow, by each other or by outside oppressors? I mean I do not know, it is kind of weird. I just don't appreciate how everyone was like, this is it, and then stuff happened, and now we are in the ruins, and I kind of got left out.  But I have had my fun time with my pals from India and other countries, and yeah, I am happy with that. I am happy that it was that for me, like that was it and we had a good time.  I did pray for all those people for a long time and I mostly prayed that they would get food. 

So hopefully social media will reach China and everyone will have helped a little bit with the mission work that was engined by many of their people who came here. I mean that is right in a way. 

Anyway some people say don't say it but wow that is some interesting hypocrisy, the thought and speech police, who got proud of certain things, and then party's over. Well, that is all, have a good day everyone.

Pals, what do you think about the video stall right now?  I think it is okay. I think those videos aren't that important. I mean maybe I am even wrong to switch to videos.  But it would be fun to make some new videos. Maybe that is what I should be doing right now.  But I think if I make some videos then I will want to send them around and I can't. 

Does anyone have any opinions about that?  I think I can't get a sponsor and that is why there are missing book sales is so I can maintain housing.  I just think it is wasteful.  I mean I have felt that about the whole strategy up here to keep me disabled. Like I could have been a champion with a salary.  But people are saying no I could not have. That something would cost it all at some point so we had to plan for that.  And they felt like I was tormented and could not make it worse.  But I just feel like you don't waste a writing career over that.  

Anyway, it is starting to be light outside. Maybe I will make a sherbet shake and go sit on that bench.  I guess that is what I will do. 

I want to maybe share this blog on facebook sometime but honestly it doesn't have really good posts that are like I don't know objective, like in that zone of quality that is outside personal yapping.

Well, that is all. I wonder if people have gotten my recent book mailings. I hope so. Are you guys reading this? Have a great summer! 

 Ok the other thing is that when I think of what is missing, love and money, I think of something else from another category, which is church, like there is family, work, and church.  And when I think of that other thing I think it is "status." that is the word that came to mind.  Probably that is off in some way and yet I really was thinking that was it, like if I find it through what is missing.  And I think it is interesting that the facebook early posts were framed that way. Like that is the blessing God provided for us. 

Anyway inspection went well today. I am on okay terms with the Bridge. Maybe Ravneet will visit me soon. Maybe I will get some book sales from somewhere. I just don't understand.

Someone did buy the book "Whole Bunch of Stupid Poems."  I just sent a few copies of that to Anne Parris. I know that will be some people's first choice based on title. I just don't understand why the books have to be wasted so much. Why? I genuinely don't understand. I did my part and that should already have been good enough.  Some things are believable and some things aren't.  And it is not really believable that there are no sales whatsoever and I am not a role model instead of menace to society. That is a weird waste that has no explanation. Well we have to let all 7 billion other people succeed first.

And I think when people say, well it is because I got a conspiracy, I think there is something to that, except as I have said before, it is cruel to create an audience and then withhold a normal success path on purpose.  That is a weird bullying abuse that should not be supported by anyone.  And yet everyone is going along with this failure narrative.  I don't understand.  And then the punchline.  Because of Islam. How absolutely ridiculous.