Pals. I think I need to send an email to princetonpalities.

I had a dream where a lot of snakes were in it and we had to pick up the snakes to move them as we crossed some kind of river or something but we were at a location and it was a lot of people and some of it was friends from high school and Meg calnon helped me with a snake that was up my sleeve in a black and white Nike jacket.

Before that in the dream I was at a location where I lived and had two small bags packed and was on a busy Mexican street or somewhere else and did some wheeling and dealing in a store for supplies of some kind and then there was some other thing with a few other people where I had the right stuff but we had to do something and that preceeded the snake section of the dream and went well and was positive.

I also before that was like hmm I think I will take that class on the book of John.

So is this about the memes, the evangelical baptism post, or the blog, or the memes I just sent to India. I do not know. I feel that I did the right thing and how sweet that they like that cross picture.

Do I need to do another meme page of Bible verses and images like that. Maybe.

Ok. The snakes. I feel like that was the motherload. I just don’t appreciate people being like told you so etc like if I squawked anti trump stuff at the wrong time that would have solved everything.

anyway what is it. Which meme if any. Was it a spiritual block for me personally. Is it the immigration hold up. I do not know. Also is it defeated or just exposed as a problem which everyone has already been sqwawking about anyway. I mean what if some protestors are real and some are fake. hmm and church people. I just think mostly you can feel when people are doing right and are innocent.

But anyway yesterday I felt God’s presence in a certain location as if in space and it was like I knew him in middle school and it was more accurate than some other times and I felt good prayer opportunities but said I wanted instead to daydream and it made me feel better and he was okay with that and now I feel like he wanted to get a good view of me before the snake incident like maybe that was a good event. Because he did like me from that space perspective and I could feel how he liked other people too and I thought it was sweet. but anyway I mean that is cute it is like me with the imaginary mice.

However I don’t think these memes feel that special except that baptism meme was what people were waiting for from me. Well here is where I curse people out and say I did what I was supposed to. I went to the church that was available to me and it was all good. The churches mostly did pretty good. 

Also interestingly this pile of snakes I don’t think is from my mom but there could be some decoy scenarios because that conversation at Dunkin’ Donuts was like old times kind of before some of the serious problems and I think it was like a trio of things: the mental illness, the medicine, the mom controlling me. Those three things perpetually for all of adulthood. So that is weird but it was a good terms thing on our last conversation but some of that peace is from the hope that something will happen with the books soon. It is not okay for that work to be wasted. People say I need to confess that it is okay. It is not okay. The work should not be wasted. Can the work be wasted. I guess so and all will pass away. Is that what you people were waiting for. I mean you will get another curse out for that. Do you think it is okay for those buildings in Ukraine to be destroyed. No it is not. And it is not okay for my books to be wasted. People say yes it is, it is nothing. And I said no it is not okay and never was.

But anyway I just feel this argument against me like I am so stupid and should have been a better Christian instead of whatever I did do and you are wrong. And how many times do I have to say it.

And now you guys are like oh I am bullying one person well no I am not. This is from a lot of people who think there was no loss and there is something else missing that was supposed to be from me. I mean the absurdity of that. To have a hundred ignored books with a good mood and few mistakes in all of them and people say that a whole life of righteousness is missing from me. Like a house and people who don’t even exist and a career that no one let me have after five schoolings.

Anyway I am going to tell Dallas TS to send people to India. Really all the brands should do it. They have enough people who have God’s favorable gaze that it would be a happy national harvest for anyone would would like to go to a country with fewer trolls and less of the nasty politics. Though they do have their stuff too with that but it doesn’t matter as much as other stuff happening. 

Anyway this 3M attack on my life: the mental illness, medicine, mom. This is where I wonder if Stn is allowed to just choose an attack after knowing a lot about me. And why? Does it have to do with that time I asked God to remind me of stuff and said it was like he was a post it note. And then the post it notes at bn. And 9-11. People say this is where you are a kook. Well I am not sure that is true. because there is another 3M attack- the mom medicine molestation from the Dr brown incident.

So do you Gice think that caused a mild dissociation disorder which is what I questioned at the mall that time like why am I like a child! Because I thought it was the autism. But was it there in middle school? I was mostly just funny before. But I really liked all the toys and candy from grocery stores during high school. I don’t think that was a disorder. I think that was really me.

Anyway I can also pray for the people I chose not to pray for yesterday. I mean you can always pray but it was kind of like a sale that you don’t want to miss but that reminds me of another meme I need to do.

Like to say prayer is like shopping for miracles. I don’t know if that is really good or not and what would the image be well I don’t know. But it is like a giveaway or sweepstakes but I guess people need pray for more serious things than a game show really conveys.

 Wow I had such a great time at hope lab tonight. It was great. It was a treat for people who are sensitive but you can't assume they don't have mental illness but I think that people without mental health diagnosis also need reflection for their psychological states.

So that is interesting. I wrote two blurbs and shared them and it was fun, thanks MC. 

I will post the blurbs on my poems page.

Ravneet is so proud of me.

I had a good day. I mostly slept.  This morning my mood was not great but I am okay. I had to take a latuda so I would not get in trouble. I mean I kind of think I should stay on the Latuda but I wonder if it causes the low iron.  Does anyone have any opinions?

I ate some chocolate earlier and it was nice. And I had some pieces of frozen pizza that I cooked in the oven.  It was also yummy. And some coke. I think I have now had two coffees.

I should have tried to make friends with that hospital guy at Dunkin Donuts. But I guess maybe he is just a nice person in my community. 

So okay Jacobi is saying I am part of their community. What does this mean, I do not know.

I truly just do not know.  I think it has to do with rejecting the evangelical church. Like my acceptance at NYU was based on not being an evangelical but I insisted on being a rep from evangelical. I mean you guys are the ones with the problem on that.

Anyway I am feeling the spiritual feeling that happens when I share jokes in India.  So which ones will it be.  I want to share the idolatry meme because it is so cute and funny but I am not sure the audience will get the references. I mean maybe some people. I just don't know. But it is the funniest in a certain way. I don't plan to boost any posts immediately. I mean can I even afford it. I do not know.

The number of thru plays for that church poem video was 40 thousand. I mean that is great.  I am thankful and I feel that is a good outlet for those poems.

Well, I had a good night. Thanks also to Tami for the fun Complex minds meeting.  There were a lot of sad topics today but we got through it. It was a good mood.  So that is cool. Many hands make light work in terms of getting through problems. I think some of it is too much bad news on our feeds.  And other than that, it is mostly a load that a lot of people are bearing okay.

 Pals I removed that post because of the low numbers.  Facebook doesn't even show me the likes sometimes anymore.  So that is all for me on that one. I mean I put myself out there. And it was kind of an ugly meme. 

I just had some weird dreams but I am glad I slept.  Then I took my medicine. I did not skip Latuda even though I am going to ask Dr. Talreja if we should switch to Risperdal.  Because I am wondering if the anemia is from latuda. I mean personally I think it could be.

But probably it is from lupus. It is kind of weird to say that word. I might be okay with waiting on the diagnosis but maybe not because it is taking a toll on other health aspects and I get the blame.

Anyway yesterday was a weird day. It did not help to miss the Nami meeting.

Also I think the jalapeño poppers were what sat out recently and were old and that is not good for my IBS. But I am okay. I mean that meme wasn't a big deal.

Let's think, how much did I sleep.  Maybe a few hours. And I will sleep some now probably because of the medicine. But I might not take a walk like yesterday. But who knows, maybe I will.

There is not really anything planned for today. I am glad to have a free day.

I am not happy that I just took Latuda but I could really get abused if I skip it. So I will wait and ask Dr. Talreja about the medicine. 

Well, have a good day everyone.

 Hello everyone, this is Refried. I think my post is fine. I mean maybe no one wants to read the blog. Possibly I should have put it on this blog but I felt that it was a worldly monk post.

Today I have an online group and then maybe creative writing but maybe not. I defriended the bad person from that group and may never go back. I mean close range overt bullying in a group of five people. Wow, I feel bad for you. 

Anyway, some of this mob stuff about the autistic professor seems to be going in a direction of targeting free speech.  But I might be wrong.  They might just be using their free speech against people who bullied someone. 

I think there could be an issue where assembly loses its power.  Like the protesting gets overdone. But I could be wrong. I mean maybe something is usually better than nothing.

I am a little bit worried about being tased to death, or at all.  I think that the staff here at housing already has tasers sitting on their desks. It looks like a yellow and black tennis racket. Gloves, to me, are on another level.  And I have some sympathy for people like EMS workers if they are told to start using that.  Not everyone will feel strong enough to leave over it or lose their job, etc.

That is just me. I am also heartbroken and horrified for the immigrants.  But it is weird that I could also be tased as early as tomorrow.  Which reminds me that I need to check and see when my psychiatrist appointment is.

As for my other post, I mean the way the church just kept teaching that bullcrap with a third of their congregants going through mental health stuff. And thinking people were too stupid to see through it.

 Hello everyone, this is Refried. I paused my post.  Facebook did not give me good enough numbers.  Only 80 people per dollar.  That is not enough. It has to be a hundred or I do not boost the post. It is not fair. It is their same censorship that they have done to me for ten years.  I am thankful for my audience in India and I will focus on that.

It is fine with me if this post only goes to my facebook friends.  I mean in a way it means facebook has now taken two salaries from me.  My American audience and the payment for my Indian audience.  That is two different careers. Well I am happy that my work did reach some people and was not totally wasted. And I did see that they list me as a beneficiary for the ads.  Conspicuously not the people who get free jokes.  That does not change the truth that they get my content and my money.  A reverse salary.

I mean at this point I may have a strong legal case against them. However I am still just waiting to see what happens. Like is there some channel that someone else has that will end up being how my books sell.

I do not know.  The number 80 is interesting too, because it is almost enough to boost anyway.

But I will not be kicking myself.  All I know is I did everything I could for myself and others.  And it was blocked. And the people who thought they were different and special are just like everyone else.  No one is that great.  We all deserved a normal, fair voice on social media.  

I mean you could look at it as a trial run for doing some of this leveraging in real life.  And it was a tragic failure and disgraceful injustice.  So now we know.  I mean wow, people lost me, and this is how.

I am not sure about this new thing where facebook doesn't show me my likes.  But it shows other people and they can tag my page without me knowing it.  How absurdly persecutory.  But at least they did let me run that other ad, but possibly because they think people can use it against me.

Ok everyone, I posted a post.  It is good, but I know some people are like "too late," or "it's about time." But really I was twenty years ahead of any of y'all so I don't need your bullcrap either.  It is both churches. It is also the liberals. There is racism there, too.  The self righteous milking of your own appopriation that just happened to be more successful. Sorry but I do not buy into that either.

You will also get your blog posts so don't get too proud. It is not me against the world. You want to say I am saying I am the only person who did right. But I am not.  And a lot of the people were in churches, and went wherever they could.  They went to work.  They did what they were supposed to, only to be called racist bigots, and if you persecute us then you will be found out as persecutors.  And you say now I am doing it, but I am not.

And don't get me started on the Mexicans, either.  Because there was disrespect there, and all three parties procrastinated. And what am I doing, telling the truth as my years dwindle with no salary for five careers. People arranged for me to do it all anyway, but just not get paid.  What a good deal. For who?  Where is the cash? It is not just cash. It is other stuff of value. Follow the money, follow the life.  

Now what. I have a meeting at 1 pm.  The speech I want to make at Toastmasters might be about how in middle school I sat on the couch with the catalog, things you never knew existed but can't possibly live without.  And there were a lot of things I wanted but I could only get the 6 things for 99 cents each deal.  But I also wanted the tiniest bible in the world trinket but could not afford it.  So I got the disappearing ink and handbuzzer and snake in a can trick. Man it was all so funny.  And that is is how it worked out in life, too.  So that will be my speech. Now you are all included in Toastmasters.

 Hello everyone. I think the iron pill immediately helped my tongue. I still feel muscle pains in my leg sometimes. I think I am ok with that. I don’t have bad fatigue and my tongue is okay. I think I have lost some weight since reducing the latuda. But it could be because my scale is off balance but I think it is an improvement.

So anyway I am microwaving some coffee.

I think I will clean a little today. I just took out the trash. I mean actually my apartment is not that bad. I think maybe I should clear the sink and counter. I only have one more main dish left plus clean the sink.

How did I do at the conference. I think I did well. I don’t know how my queries will go. Also the questionable meme. But I think some people want it to be the end of my career when it isn’t and shouldn’t be.

Anyway I am sad about ICE having electric shock gloves. I fear that also as a mental patient. It is not humane.

Well, have a good day everyone.