Hello everyone, this is Refried Bean. It is Tuesday, March 3.  At 2 pm I have therapy. Drena is helping me because she knows I am in crisis about the CE credits. But she is also proud of me because I was assertive and proactive.

It is possible that I will go mail a book at about noon but I might wait. I kind of feel content sitting here in my room for a while.

I am in a gender therapy group and they were positive about me going to a conservative event and being honest there.  I appreciated it and had feared that they would not support me even being friends with those people.  But they were supportive, and I think people surprise you sometimes, and as a country we should have already been getting along on this issue. And I think we were about to until the 2020 problems.  It was the politics and election.

I hope Iran gets okay leadership and other middle east places are safe enough from the bombs.  I am not that anti Trump on this issue.  But I also don't know about some of it.

About the CE credits, I am sad to see consistent problems with the social work licensing habits.  The tricky questions, the failure to notify clearly enough about rules, the insinuations that resulting trip ups have an ethical violation quality to them, and then the silencing and isolation meant to force people to respect something not truly respectable. And then some people are successful enough so they support it.  Well I am a little more free and will say some stuff probably. And then it brings back memories of social work school, where I genuinely almost didn't believe it when I encountered those ways. I literally thought it was some kind of psychosis treatment where people did something that made no sense on purpose.

And I can't remember if I already said this, but there are philosophical implications of having a "code of ethics" in the first place.  Because it is conceivable that a profession would adhere to just plain ethics, and that people would generally agree across all boards about what was right and wrong.  But conception might be the issue anyway, mighten it.  Well, that is all, have a good day everyone.

 Hello everyone, today is Mar 2. I am waiting for my therapy group to start at 6 pm. Today I completed 4.5 more CE credits. The presentations were very good. Unfortunately I will not be getting credit for the school social work "course." 

I am at 19.5 credits now. I can do 3 more on video. I think I will do them from TZK instead of NASW. Why? Because I am in the 90s there, which is how it should be when I pay attention to something for one hour and a half and then answer questions about it.

I wish I could do a CE credit tomorrow. I mean maybe do a video.

Well, that is all I will say for now. 

 Hello, this is Refried Bean. I feel upset because there are some implications about just now failing a post test for a social work CE credit.  It frustrated me because I could not check my answers like normal.  And on this test I did something I didn't do for my other tests, which was go back to try to confirm my answers from the video. And I did that because I only had one chance.  So I tried to make sure I wasn't just going by memory.

Well they think they have a system that detects it if you just put the video on in the background.  Well interestingly, I really did pay attention to this, because it is my only video tonight.  So this was it. And I actually could really say a lot about what was in the video.  But it really was boring and horrible.  Just horrible. There was one section that wasn't as bad, when the guy recounted some advocacy campaigns in recent years.  But the rest of it was meaningless flow charts.

And I was like wow I chose a dud, but it is almost over.  I watched it until the end.  However I did check email twice and boosted some ads on facebook.  I doubt that lasted for more than five minutes, and the other videos said you only had to watch 90 percent of the video to take the test.  And I watched a hundred percent of the video.  So then the test had all these bullcrap confusing questions, absolutely confusing on purpose, so I went back to the video to check my answers. And it was hard to find the sections that matched, because it was made like that on purpose. So from their perspective, they caught someone.  Well that is where I said G.D.  Because I absolutely did my due propers, and am being treated like I did something unethical in the social work field, with my license on the line. 

I might have to send them a link to this blog post.  It makes me want to give up on keeping my license. 

Interestingly, I do not even know if my score of 75 was real, because I do not trust them. It also makes me not respect the social work field.  But one of the ethics is to respect and promote social work, but at some point, you have to say, actually, you are the ones with the problem.

 Hello everyone, this is Refried. It is about 1 am on Mar 2. At 10 am I have a social work presentation to go to. I just now watched a video for three hours about advocacy. It was the most boring video I have ever seen in my life.  Then I took a test on it and got five points below passing. And the questions were worded weirdly and so vague.  So I complained.  I think the system might have punished me because I got on facebook and ran ads for my pages during the late part of the video. But I don't think that took more than 5 or 10 minutes, and usually you only have to watch 90 percent of the video.  

So I complained in two places about how I felt it was unfair. I sent an email and left a message.  And it will impact my other participations. Then there is the fact that I have a disability and don't need any bullcrap. It is bullcrap for them to shark you with an automated system.

Now I think I will do a few more videos.

 Hello everyone, this is Refried. It is 4:30 on Friday. I am doing okay after a crazy week. I posted some posts on facebook and mostly got a lot of support. 

I think I traumatized a few friends who were also shaken up the last time I spoke out about my main rejection and career loss.  I think because they have treated me well, they don’t see what’s missing. They might not really see any of the five career losses. All of those devastations were mean and unfair, and there is a range of the cost for all of them. Both in terms of what was invested and what was prevented. 

And then the issue of who took or ruined the opportunities and how. I do not know to what extent I should try to explain. One career truly was worth millions and no one believes that but I do know that and a few other people know it as well. And then the cashiering career, to be a Starbucks worker or something like that, seems like the least loss, but in a way it was the worst. Because people had to take away my health to prevent that, and I am going to die from it without anyone even getting fired, much less the criminal charges they deserve. And the fact that a job like that was already my main means of basic survival and societal participation.

But I do have it good in a housing program and yet even here just a year ago I was being tortured for two years by racist trash. It just seems like I am ok though, and no harm no foul. 

But I can see the finish line. I could drink too much coffee now and be gone in an hour. If I get too many bad emails in a day I will have to have emergency gallbladder surgery.

People have careers and houses and fame with just one out of a thousand of the ideas and projects I have done. Yet I can barely walk down the street past all the dropout drug dealers who mock me and block me.

Spiritually I have to accept total loss each time I think I have recovered from another insult of being left out of national discussions and symbolic paychecks. I have to repeatedly conclude that I can just start over again in heaven. Well I am glad to know about heaven and maybe that is one of God’s lessons and purposes for me. But other people seem to have a lesson of harvesting their work and being allowed to not be perfect.

What people have done for me in a recovery path is very precious and priceless but there is something I will not be able to pretend is okay. And I can already see that when it happens to me, it is God’s will, but when it happens to everyone else, there will be a war.

 Hello everyone, it is 4:45 on Wednesday, Feb 25. I just finished reading Jane Eyre. It was great. I personally don't know how she saw through the trap of the missionary option. All the sections of the book were very thorough. So that is cool, it is a good book.

Ok here is the situation. I made an ad for my book called Grace-ism.  I think it is a good ad and very interesting but I hesitated and asked my friend Claire what she thought and she said not to post it.  But I am going to ask another friend and I think I will end up posting it.  But I might post two or three ads at one time.  

So I could do the novel review, then maybe a God loves you post with either a numbers update or a link to books, and then the grace-ism ad, and one more with the cartoon blobs.  So I do not know.  I think I have to wait until later. It will be okay. I will be a late night weirdo. It is okay.

I think in a way I don't have anything to lose and that was what that secret message was about.

It is possibly Claire will send a message for someone to beat me to it.  So now I need to post it immediately. Like right this second.

 Hello everyone, this is Refried. Today is Wednesday, Feb 25. The next thing for me to do is finish Jane Eyre. I think it will be good and I am glad I got to reread it for the third time but with a lot of skimming all three times.

I just got back from walking to the post office and Wendy's.  Then I stopped at my doctor's office and made an appointment for March 10.  Then my psychiatrist called me and switched tomorrow's appointment to March 9. So I feel happy and supported from them and I think my gallbladder and other problems are mostly okay. But I still feel hints of each thing sometimes.  Doctors are brave and maybe they know if they lose me it will mostly be okay and a lot of people did all they could for me.

So anyway, my next facebook post will probably be a photo of the post office. If you are reading this because of the link on my facebook page, it is actually the post after the next post that I was referring to as a more interesting post than normal.

Wow, this was a crazy full week, wasn't it? So many weird challenges, and yet I feel my disability, too, like how I kind of can't do anything at all.

But anyway that is all for now. I got my recent books in the mail. Possibly I should have given one to my new friend from Wendy's, but I gave him my baked potato.  Then I worried about his salvation but did not give him a book with a cross on it. So I hope he will be okay.