Hello everyone, this is Refried Bean. It is 11:37 on Thursday. I am doing some laundry and soon going to get lunch with a friend. 

My mom has been doing okay on this trip but she just bothered me. We had an okay discussion about how I was going to take a bag of books to the used bookstore. She wanted me to put them in the back of my dad’s truck but I was planning to keep them in the inside on the passenger seat. It was okay and concluded fine. And then she came back to my room and started fussing. It makes me sad but it could be worse. 

My sister dismisses these problems as normal and it is my fault. I need to prepare myself to be slandered by her.

It is part of accepting that the world hates me. To also accept that actually some credible people in my life criticize me and ignore some problems against me. I will be misperceived. I need to tolerate it. 

Some of it is from being disabled. There are just always people who blame you for not being normal. Mental Illness is especially something where people see the gap and blame you for it. 

This morning could have been different. I did everything I could for a peaceful interaction but it wasn’t good enough.

 Hello everyone, this is Refried. It is 5 pm on Wednesday. Later I am going to a class. I had a weird day because I wanted to do networking with 540 but I didn’t like my appearance on my phone so I couldn’t go through with it. So I really let Becky down but I think she knows I will be back. I think I will send her a message.

At the mall I got a few new shirts and I had to get more than one for it to be a deal and wow it was a deal! It was like buy two get two free. I mean wow and I do kind of need these shirts and went a year and a half without shopping. I think I should find two pairs of pants too while I am here and then mail them to myself. Hopefully that will go okay. I mean maybe mail the old clothes. Hmm that is what I should do because all three pairs of khaki pants I brought are in tatters. 

Gice I hate to be a kook but last night I heard a voice that said “abundance is enough.” And I think it addresses facebook spending and clothes because I wondered if I was greedy with these video boosts or was about to be. Like if I spent 500 dollars just to get the numbers but I know not to do that. So that is interesting. And I think it is okay to have the shirts.

So that is interesting. Ravneet told me she is broke so I hope there were some joke book sales. I mean any sales at all would make a difference. How could it not be at least a hundred? Ten thousand people saw the ad.

So anyway I am thankful for these years of life with a pattern.

I gathered some books to sell to Mr. K’s bookstore. It will be interesting to see how they do. It kind of makes me feel more peaceful about losing my other book collection.

Anyway I found at the house a pinnacle of human folly book and I am happy with it. And I have a copy of library book and joke book. 

Some of the other books are not as exciting to me now but when you read them the poems are still pretty good.

Today my friend Ginger acknowledged the conspiracy. I might tell a key leader soon that I think it is cruel for me to have zero sales.

But anyway I need to keep adding to time capsule club. People might really want to put that on their resume.

 Hello everyone, this is Refried. it is about 3:45 on Tuesday. I am going to my sister’s house later to visit with family. It will not be easy but I can do it.

I feel hated today by many sources but probably tomorrow will be better and I got a lot of hearts on my last facebook share. And on my jokes page I got 1000 haha icons. That makes me happy. It is a funny joke. I got a few critics and really that is how it should be because someone should put in a word for actual alcoholics. The joke was basically about “alcoholics unanimous.”

I have two hours until we leave to go to my sister’s house. Hopefully at 6:30 I can hop on zoom and say hey to Tami and the pals.

Tomorrow I will probably go to the mall. I need to text a few more people: Joel, Vance, John C, Wade, and some other people.

Right now I think I will make a coffee and see if I can cheer up.

I would estimate selling about 100 joke books from that ad if life was normal. But something is not right and no one will tell me. I just have to guess while people hate me.

But I think I am prepared to be hated by the world. That is actually a spiritual thing that you are supposed to be able to tolerate. And eventually the church will still love you.

I am really affected by getting too much news on my phone. I think I need to turn it to YouTube.

Something else bothering me is how aggressive spellcheck is and how it changes things earlier in your sentence that you have already said. I mean it is weird times but people can get rewards.

Well, have a nice day everyone.

 Hello everyone, this is Refried. It is 4:35 pm. I was at the mall earlier today and saw that the mall Easter Bunny was hopping and clapping and dancing. Well that is great so I told the person they were doing a good job. I said “I used to be a mall Easter Bunny.” I said “I don’t know how old you are but you could become a mascot.” I said “you’re doing a great job.”

It was very heartwarming and I hope it made their day. 

I mean they could go pro. They have what it takes.

Anyway now I will rest for a while. 

 Hello everyone, this is Refried. It is 10:07. It is time for me to take my medicine. I think I will wait until 11 pm though. I am seeing too much news because of not having my computer with me. It means I am scrolling instead of watching youtube.

I am going to do another financial assessment where I throw in everything as a cost and divide it by blessings requested in prayer. And I will do one prayer instead of estimating my whole prayer life.

So here is the prayer: Dear God please give everyone who ever lives 45 trillion blessings.

Ok that wasn’t that amazing but the fact that I am alive to pray that prayer from earth took a lot of endurance and miracles. So I think we can expect for it mostly to be answered.

Now, we don’t know how salvation plays into it, but we know that there are about two billion Christians in the world as it is. So by the most conservative estimate, we can multiply two billion times 45 trillion and that is the number of blessings that I have reasonably requested.

so we are looking at 90 billion trillion blessings. So then we estimate total cost for my existence, including tax dollars, city resources, history and law, people being nice to me, etc. in this way, even things I have earned become resources. So I would count a 15k retail salary as a cost, not a blessing or payoff.

So okay, let’s see, medical industry, research, medicine, insurance, roads, people who fix electricity, cops and hospitals, etc. I guess people could say that these costs are shared but I think that’s not the only way to look at it. I think we are looking at trillions divided by trillions.

So I think maybe the real number I am looking for is to disregard the work harvest and consider just New York City 9 million people who got proximity prayer. And I think the number for that is also 300k.

So okay the cost is still fractional. It is 30 people per dollar for prayer, 300 people per dollar for a meme.

I mean you have to see that as worth it.

 I see now that some people did a stricter calculation and they include the more reasonable 300k and my sister’s deduction and they are saying overall my dad’s work and parents life savings as it was spent on an existence impact is about one cent per person. I am ok with seeing it that way but think that means I could literally spend 100k more dollars on anything and be in that range.  But I just feel like the 300k number is the issue. Because that is what I requested gradually and accepted because of my intent to deliver on being a literary giant. I think even with my survival situation I would not have flung around that money without expecting a literary legacy that is worth that. Well frankly the impact of that is still missing. But so is my career except for the creative work. So that is definitely in question but as I was saying about the facebook numbers if you separate the Christian mission from the literary medium then the Efirds were not fools. We did one cent per person together for a hundred million people. That is without the prayers for New York. That does sound kind of like bragging but I personally think that I already should answer for the financial burden I have caused. I mean there are a lot of factors for all of us. But there are certain ways of looking at it where it’s kind of okay for me to go buy a polo shirt at the mall and eat at Joy of Tokyo soon.

I just think instead of looking at the credit card stuff I will think about my cost of living and apply it to this work view and simplify it at one cent. Honestly you have to question if it is enough.

 Hello everyone, this is Refried. I have some good news. I have done some calculations and feel that an investment has paid off and I no longer am at risk of wasting about 300 thousand Efird dollars. Basically the situation is that for a while, the amount spent on me even as a loan was more than I had yet delivered on. So I estimated kind of a minimum and subtracted that from the actual, and that was how much I felt needed to be justified by the book career. So then I started giving away books, and I felt that the total cost behind each book that actually reached someone was about a hundred dollars. Which isn’t that bad, and to me the content is worth that, but that is how I calculated what had been spent on me as a writer living in New York. 

Well there are other ways of looking at it, and insurance paid for about 3 million dollars worth of medical care. So really when you start looking at survival, the book hobby becomes valuable as a reason for living. And you can kind of see the living expenses as like a copay for a time of recovery. Well that is interesting but I usually take a stricter view and think that my life in New York was partially based on the value of a literary mission.

So anyway, I felt like once I had given away a lot of books, about a thousand, then two thousand, then three thousand, then getting the cost behind each book down to 50-100 dollars was really not that bad. It is like a church or community project and those numbers are okay.

But I think that my three years of facebook content can actually replace the book ambitions as being a return on the investment from family, friends, therapists, and medical charity. And people got reached well with some of the book content and some easy ai art. so now we are looking at a harvest that justifies a lot. People could say that it just added to my expense and cost of living but I think really that is where some actual benefit happened. And there are good numbers to work with but the main point is that I can now applies those dollars per person to the facebookers who saw the art and joke posts. So now my books are no longer bearing a burden of costing a hundred dollars per book. The books are now whatever they cost. I can either order them as author copies or have them sent from amazon for pretty cheap considering shipping during dangerous times.

This is very good for my family and I have a lot of people to thank for it. And honestly if I were in charge of the numbers on Judgement Day I would give each of my people total credit for the hundred million and each of the hundred million the credit for the whole 300 thousand dollars. I mean also over 14 years then some stuff evens out. Anyway it is a fun hobby to do the numbers and I am thankful to be alive. I mean some numbers are still low like zero book sales and low income. But I believe my imaginary mice parents will do very well in their judgement day court cases.