Ok everyone, the reason all those people betrayed me was to hide from the eyes of the people I am mailing books to tomorrow. It is some democrats. I am not a democrat but am left leaning.

It was kind of depressing but not that big of a deal. Also Karla is pretending to be a child abuser for advocacy purposes.  But I still don't appreciate it and feel very oppressed and persecuted.  I do have thirty bullies among my health care places and a larger network that supports them, plus my traitor friends who saw no other way to show racial support, bringing shame upon themselves, the population they pretend to care about, and our whole society and world.

 Well everyone, today I caught several hundred facebook friends trying to help my abusers in the Bronx hurt my life and career on purpose. I thought it was only three or four people. but some considerable networking has happened and some of the Bronx people are staff at various locations and I haven't even met them.  So to me that is really weird and I feel sorry for you all. I mean to me it does turn into child abuse when you target the career of a children's book writer on purpose and seek to make them suicidal.

And then the racism. But that was the conclusion already. I think what I missed was the attempted murder of it all. Like how you all want me to commit suicide or go to the hospital and be tortured. So that is some pretty bad betrayal. I think it is already seen for what it is.

Possibly you all are looking for your day in court where you seem brave to stand up to me, but by then you will be an official historical villain with no way out of it.

And then as a study on privilege, with all the liberal bullcrap and political problems, I can think of no more disgusting privilege than for someone to be able to throw away friendship that easily.

 Basically I thought of a really good comeback to say about the oppressor in question but I am not saying it and it makes me realize just how much I don't say certain kinds of things.  And most people don't, and that should have been good enough.  But people chose to pretend we were guilty anyway, and your lies have ruined the whole world. There probably won't be any signs of recovery for about a hundred years. 

I believe it is too late to go back and do the right thing.

So anyway, should I allude to the idea on my Bronx Page. I do not know.

 Hello everyone, this is Refried. It is Monday, Oct 12. I just had an interesting dream where I was in a hospital and an army plane that was rectangular in shape hovered outside my window and I wanted to wave an american flag but the flag was my roommate's and she said I could not wave it. So then I went to go use the bathroom which was a ladies room and it said Sarah on it, like it had been named after me as my old name.  So then people tried to come in my stall and there was a guy in the stall next to me so I had to say something. Then I was at this other city where there was a building and it had to do with preparing for Camp Opportunity and something was going on with a skateboard company or something and then I was on a train and there were PFR people shooting machine guns into the air.  Before that I was at Penn Station and it had to do with NY Cares and sitcoms. I mean it was an interesting dream.

So anyway sometimes I feel something lacking like what to be working on. Should I go pass out books at the park. I wish that Bronx event had been a successful book drop but oh well.

I feel targeted by racism again but I am thankful for having a month or two where I did not feel it as much. But I also feel more of the reality how it is going to be called what it is. People really thought God and no one else would see it and say it but it will be said. And I am aware of the people who think it is me and I feel sorry for you.  You are going to be humiliated.

 Hello everyone, this is Refried It is Sunday, Oct 11 at 5:33. I am going to call a friend of mine soon and then go to an online bible study.

I cooked some meat in cream sauce and it was yummy.  It is raining outside so I did not walk to Starbucks. I think I will make some coffee here soon. Yesterday I got some good groceries. I feel back to normal after the digestion incident.  I mean it was honestly kind of extreme and might have had some dyspepsia involved. I mean wow who knows how it all works.  Well actually some people do know how it works.

So anyway I just sent a message to someone to say wasn't that funny when Cornel West said something smart and then said, so how about putting that in your theological crack pipe and smoking it.  Or something like that. I mean wow it was funny and the things he said were interesting too.

One of the things is about how people try to find the answer to meaninglessness when really the thing lacking might be love. I mean that is one of the best things I have ever heard. And yet I do think meaning and ideas are sometimes the psychological food of love.  So that is an interesting topic. Wow he was a good speaker. I mean some people do what they are supposed to and it pays.

So okay. This week I think I might try to pass out some books in the park.  Will I take some downtown also on Wednesday? Well I do not know.  What park would I go to? What neighborhood. It is not easy having a rejection status.  But I possibly don't know what I have been spared.  Because what if I was confident and thought myself important and then could not relate to everyone.

Well hmm I do not know. I got some prayers in today but not as many as what is needed.  But I feel that it must be God's plan for me to have prayer gaps a lot in these years.

So anyway, does anyone have any thoughts? I just am glad I feel better.  And I think this food I ate will help my iron numbers go up. That was weird, wasn't it. I think I will google it some. Do you think Hannah got enough thanks? Well I do not know but I do the best I can.

 Pals, this is Refried. I went to a cool group today. I started to get tired and had intrusive thoughts. But they need to understand that it is not them and I like everyone there.

My participation was good but I did not collect addresses for a Joke Book.

I mean the Joke Book is good but it is not like the end all be all of books. 

It is not an emergency for everyone to have a joke book.  But I do believe it is surprisingly consistently funny for anyone.

So anyway that is enough of that.

I am drinking some coffee. Wow the french onion dip and chips were really yummy. I mean that was a great buy and bargain. I think I will cook some of that meat later. And make a sauce out of cream, soy sauce, worchester, honey, and I guess that is all. I mean it will be yummy. And I can toast some bread in the oven. I gave some bread to my friend Diamond and I am glad to not waste it. The food club helps me with that a lot but I do miss Genghis. 

Pals that girl on instagram is so funny.  Who did the thing about oreo flavors, ways professors tell you when you have the wrong answers, and stuff like that.  It is so funny.

I mean frankly I am not the funniest person and am kind of stuffy. And that was what that was referring to.  But I do have some good jokes and my orange joke is funny right now. I will boost it sometime if I am able to.

Ravneet said she is proud of me. She knows I lost two pounds. Ravneet I am doing the best I can.

Sometimes I feel lulls and don't know what to do about my book business. Like what is the next step. Well I do not know. I think I should start passing out books in the park soon. Maybe Tuesday.

Well have a good day everyone.

 Hello everyone, this is Refried. I took my medicine. For some reason I had to wait a while but I got sleep and am ok. I hope I will not be too sleepy for the kidlit meeting later.

I had a dream where I was helping all these mice and there were too many but it was ok but kind of weird.

So anyway I hope all the TBC people had a good time. I certainly did.

Pals are people mad at me. I think it is going to take a while to recover mentally from the IBS incident. I just felt so sick, but it is familiar and not that big of a deal.

I think it might have to do with Joke Book but I don't know why. Is it because of the facebook ad or because of tha TBC query? Well I do not know.

That was my main Oct activity. Next week is Self Pub Con.

 how is Ravneet doing? I think she is proud of me.