Gice it is kind of a thing with the story shield.  The gator from a few years ago, the gators, the poem, the bench, the gate torture, the actual threats to me which is housing people and medicine and torture in the hospitals, the doctors without borders locations, near the bench and sky, and the gas station in asheville, the flood, the conferences, i mean i think you guys already figured all this out. 

It might be something people aren't supposed to "read" until later.  But I don't know.  Because why else would I pay attention to it. and then Connie, and Converse, Anne in Orlando, but I think there are signs of God helping us. I felt his power when Elise came to talk to mom, and the thing where I was excused from hip surgery care was actually not my choice and happened because of the house flood.

And because I fell.  So that is actually a clue of maybe a disguise that might trick someone who would confuse me with mom.  Like she is the fall risk and I fall and break the toilet and cause a flood six months later.

I mean does anyone have any thoughts about it. Probably just try to participate. I might have to use my computer that makes me look worse. Because this one has been heating up.  Maybe I should do that to stay humble.  I don't mean that like oh I have to be humble because of appearance, I mean it would really bother me and maybe that would manage other problems.  I mean I don't expect problems but you never know what kind of torment you will be in.

I think I will use this computer and it will be okay.  And I will keep my camera off a lot to conserve the heat up problem etc.  

Do you gice think I should not have posted that about the credit card. Well I did post it. 

And I said that to lawyers because honestly it is such a clear case for someone to just sign up to sue for a million dollars.  

 Hello everyone, I actually feel fine. It was a similar process as last time.

So anyway I shouldn’t say this but this story collection doesn’t feel like a star to me but Sparkity Bonkins did. But I think if I can get a good positive on this then that will be good. 

Anyway there are two things to get done and it looks like it will be tomorrow: the paperwork for the name change on Amex and mailing MC the books. She is getting a certain combo and not the thin books and I feel good about that. And then maybe mail greydorn and donut to the kirkus people.

My sandwich was good. I think strawberry jam is better on grilled cheese than what I did but it was still good.

Gice it’s not that easy being a slouch. It’s really my disability since I was a kid. 

Anyway I am thinking full out that form at 5 pm. Then do an envelope at 9 pm. Then at 11 address MC’s book box. Then at 1 prepare greydorn and donut novel mailer.

So that is a full day.

Then Sunday or Monday go to CVS. It might have to be Monday. 

I think I might email Wells Fargo and tell them that it offends me for them to over rely on me for feedback about their workers but not approve me for a credit card when my credit is above 700.

 Hello everyone, this is Refried. I’m having some trouble with my internet. I also thought of an idea to make a sauce to add to my grilled cheese which is with mustard and Worcestershire sauce. Well what if I just mixed that with the mayonnaise.

Maybe I will try to do that.

Gice, I feel good about my decision. It is weird, I just didn’t remember this book but I really wanted a perception of donut novel and I think I got a good perception.

I think they were nice, like they say something negative but then say it’s inconsistent well that means there is a positive.

I mean it is a weird process for me psychologically isn’t it.

Kind of funny how I said that about the odyssey etc.

Anyway I will try again. I just don’t want to make the sandwich before finishing this upload.

 Ok gice, I think the review went well.  The cover design is like the craft issue, like I made my choice to be very casual to the point of questionable grammar.  And they can't just tell people to buy that book when some people are getting low reviews on things that they did go pro on.  And can't I appreciate that? Yes, I can.  And they knew I could take it. They figure out what the person wants.  They know I want the words that mean funny, and they have given me like ten words to quote: funny, quirky, odd, eccentric, humor, comedy, amusing.  I mean that is good and I don't know all of it because I haven't actually tried to do a promo yet. I already gave up on that.

So anyway did I hurt anyone.  Well I do not know.  I mean frankly some of these blog posts could be valuable to some people.

Gice.  I think I should try to get some less professional reviews. But that was helpful wasn't it.  Still something to think about.  Like what if I did edit some stuff. I think probably not.  But they said the exact issues.

So okay. I mean what about the title. I hope no one copies me.  

The short story with the museum idea is something I wrote in 2005.  The copyright precedes anyone else's similar ideas.  I think some people know this. Also it is in email somewhere but possibly my converse email.  I think the Nance semester was also a backup on that.

So anyway, does anyone have any thoughts? I was already identified.

Well this is enough of that, isn't it.  I am sorry to be immature.  However, sometimes, this is it.  Like what is the thing, this is the thing.

Time to eat the food for dinner.  Does anyone have any thoughts?

I was not really giving my phone number to be flirtatious.  I just felt like I should give contact info. 

 Hello everyone, this is Refried. Today is Thursday, April 23.  It is 4:40 pm. I talked to my therapist and she thinks the review was good.  I mean I barely even used commas in the book.  And they were mostly nice about it.

So I think I can be thankful.  It is just a process like it was last time.  I will probably post the review on my facebook page and a link to my blog.

But not yet.  I might do an instacart order but I don't know.  It is almost 5 and I have a nice meeting at 6:30.  So I am doing okay.  It is time to count my blessings.  The mild covid is getting better and not worse, my review was okay and had positives, I didn't get swindled, people have helped me a lot as a writer, some work did reach a lot of people on facebook, I am alive and survived thirty years of mental illness, I talked to a friend unexpectedly today when I needed it, I have food and groceries, no problems like suffering kids I can't take care of, shelter that is mostly stable at least for now, and internet access, microsoft word, and I am not addicted to anything.  So that is good.  I mean I can feel the blessing and the message from God to be thankful for what I have. Like to the point where sometimes I don't know. 

Like that other kirkus review was higher praise than I realized.  And yet I can also say that is is kind of high for me to not have been happily published and be treated as a career writer instead of a wanna-be.

But that is going to be plenty clear to plenty of people.

So anyway, I am also thankful that my therapist made me feel better. She told me that I need to take my medicine.  She thinks I suspect things have to do with me when they do it to everyone.

I think she thinks that about Barnes and Noble and they are going to face a lot of responsibility for what they did to depressed people.  But the idea from the conspiracy is that they did a lot FOR depressed people, too, as long as you didn't work there.

And yet I did get to stay there and the assistant managers were nice.  So I mean I do not know.

Okay, that is a tangent.  I have a lot of disorganization. Kirkus liked my book.  They had to say it as they saw it.  The drop in ranking proves the brain damage and dementia and will be used as court evidence in the torture trial.

 Here are the review links:

https://www.kirkusreviews.com/book-reviews/refried-bean/donut-novel-imaginary-mice-series/

https://www.kirkusreviews.com/book-reviews/refried-bean/sparkity-bonkins/

Here are the two songs: 

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=u-1fwZtKJSM&list=RDTNwhnnJ2-nw&index=3

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TNwhnnJ2-nw&list=RDTNwhnnJ2-nw&index=1

 Hello everyone, this is Refried. Today is Wednesday, April 22. Unfortunately I did not take my medicine yet or sleep.  But I am caught up other than staying up too late.  I had some ups and downs and should have slept but I thought about the review and am okay with it. I mean I knew the book was sloppy in some ways and I still turned it in.  And I think the summary is cool and conveys the creativity. The mice books are cool and people could really get a kick out of it all.

Yes I am very upset about that news story and there is child abuse all over the country in all kinds of communities and we should be helping not hurting.  

I saw JC again standing in the air near my window, kind of not that warm and emotional as I was thinking about something but now can't remember. I do remember some of it. Ok I was thinking about how sometimes when I fear that God doesn't love me I have to choose to like him anyway and I think I would be advised to correct my perception and not let myself feel like I was doing anyone any favors but the feeling is that okay I am not one of God's favorites but I am still going to pray and only want that attention and be okay with everyone else hating me.  Like if God is all there is for me and he doesn't like me then what choice do I have but to still try for that friendship.  Anyway it was actually a good state of mind I was in even though I felt rejected. I mean this is God's plan in my life is this rejection and the various flavors of it.  I mean a literary low view of something plus thirty mental health workers treating me like crap me plus losing touch with people, it is an interesting combination, and yet there is a whole conspiracy of attention in the background over years of provision.  And then Jesus near the window but not matching a mood of friendly near young life leader Jesus.  I know that other people also have imaginings and actually are stuck and limited in some ways, but in some ways have him pictured pretty well as a friend.  I mean it works a certain way, the trinity, and imagining the near Jesus corrects some of the feelings of the distant father. But about the vision, it was still and formal, not in motion, about half the size of a window, but really just me aware of the window and then seeing JC and interpreting it as I thought about something that was kind of more satisfying, which was thinking of God seeing me pray to him anyway, thinking he doesn't like me.  I mean isn't that believable as something he would manage, like being caught being good, but it is in your mind.

But anyway I did see that but it wasn't that big of a deal. I think I am having a normal amount of seeing things and I am so glad because these are very mild sights and were almost totally gone with the overmedication.

I should take the medicine exactly but I just had stuff on my mind and became disturbed about it again at about 4 am.  So I should have taken the medicine at 3.

But anyway the review still matters to me. I think they try to make the most of it and I can see some ways that they do that and want to include key things.  And how they used the genre to convey some things.  Like they are helping me establish myself as sci-fi fantasy. I mean that is kind of cool.

I mean maybe some of this is so teens can make fun of me.  Like for them to see the inferiority of some of it.  For them to see the difference between this writing and some of the higher quality and yet isn't it kind of thoughtful.  Well I do not know.  People are too quick to say "what readers."

But anyway I am glad I am able to finish in my mind and accept the reactions to my books or even the overlook that has happened, the blindness, hypocrisy, etc. But I defend my insistence for ten years that something bad was happening, and I was being abused in my career, swindled, and experiencing a million dollar injustice. It isn't about the money but that quickly changes the scale from the hobby that people so desperately want to argue that it has always been.

When they ask for feedback I am going to tell them I think there could have been some more positives in a mixed review, and they looked for the craft weaknesses but ignored some of the other factors that frankly were extreme in the other direction, and as I said before, probably superlative.