I mean the truth of what I am saying.  And the way other people don't have a thirty year truth habit. They just try to get what they want and join in social media bullying.

So anyway I think today I need to do an instacart order and will order sodas and ice cream. But I should get some groceries, too. I do not know what to eat, though.

Does anyone have any opinions? I hope I can trust my therapist. I think she thought I was not medicated enough for my last appointment but the issue was sleep.

I am going to try to stay calm and not expect the worst. And just go to the hospital if I get abused again.

I told Dr. Talreja that I was happy on this medicine and that needs to be accepted.

 Hello everyone, I got good sleep and am caught up on medicine as well. I will take my medicine earlier at night tonight. I am really upset to be bothered by several bad things.  The air conditioning that made me lose sleep, the disrespect of being lied to even though I didn't make a report this time, the closed gate that means I have to miss a whole comedy class that I paid 400 dollars for, the lower kirkus review that was okay in some ways but to me kind of dishonest in others, and the mild covid that I got from the other bullying and reminds me of the other days of torture. 

I felt like I didn't have enough friends for it but I do. I can call Charlotte, Jay, Justin, Sharon, Ginger, and several others.  

I think it will still take a few days to process the review.  I basically have a 4 and a 3 on professional levels and they grade low.  So that is good. I just feel like they chose to go low and ignored positive features in order to support their choice that could have been different.  And then you have to think about what is in it for them, and something is in it for them. It helps them pretend to be objective. It helps them favor their traditional publishing.  And it helps them defend their prior low views.

I think people can see where I went off the rails but I think there is some undeniable truth in my reaction and what is to be done about it? I think it becomes more of a public review than their reviews.

 Hello everyone, this is Refried. I am doing laundry. I got a lot done today. Unfortunately I missed my class because I did not feel well enough. But it worked out because I am doing laundry. I think the apartment people are starting to torture me again and I don’t know why. But I will make sure not to miss medicine but really I am taking enough medicine. I have not missed it in days but just took it late today because I had to go get my rent check.

I will get over the review stuff soon. I got a 3 and a 4. It was low, they had to lie a few times to maintain their narrative, and it doesn’t matter that much. I have hardly thought about the other review in a month.

Now, phone a friends. I have a few people I can call but I am going to need to think about what mood I can be in. I mean it is kind of weird because the more sincere calls are when I feel bad. So I don’t know what to think about that.

I think that is the reason Echo church pretended to discontinue me is because of the apartment abuse.

I hid that blog but I think I am at the point where I have to be pretty insulting and people made their choice. And as for protecting the career, that is over. I waited long enough and now I call people names.

Anyway there is something else bothering me and I told Drena. But I am okay and am thankful that I was able to travel to Greenville okay.

I feel the political problems again. So I will need to calm down and distract myself.

Did anyone agree with the videos? They were too true weren’t they. People made their choices. 

 Gice I think it is fine. It is essentially a 3 star review and I did have craft weaknesses. And they said positive things. And they said quotable things that were actually more quotable than the last review. "Delightfully eccentric." Ok. I'm just not an old 60 year old with crystals in her house.

I mean is it okay that I am blogging like this? I think I am wrong about the motives to choose to frame me as a weirdo.  I think they just have five levels of words from positive to neutral and negative, and for the last review, endearing would be a 5 level word and I was at 4 so they said odd. For my character.

And then this time, they are going to reserve a possible way of seeing imaginary mice as unsual and not "clever." "creative." "full of ideas." "imaginative." Maybe "alarming" slipped their attention.  "suspicious." "concerning." "incriminating."

I think the issue now is I just don't feel good because I did not sleep well. Or honestly maybe I am questioning my questioning and regret my stance.  But really I am glad I left a message. I just think they made their choice and backed it up at the cost of some truth.  And that is the wrong direction when people are paying for it. I mean God forbid you compliment someone too much on their novel. Like it isn't compromising a whole industry.  That's where they say okay now you see we have other loyalties to consider.  Well I'll bet you do.

I mean honestly they might have seen my mission to teens and felt like you know what, Refried Bean made a narration mistake, like maybe they were joining in my little approachable approach. And yet I have to say too much time was spent sharing that juicy gossip with no mention of the attributes that would have justified a star if they really wanted to get behind something cool and original.

 I think a good word for them to use next time is “wacky.”

That is a nice more negative way of framing cute creative ideas and characters.

Or maybe “monster” or “racist child abuser” would be in their drop down menu.

 I just think they have a menu of words to use and they choose a neutral version of something like creative so they keep calling me odd and eccentric instead of imaginative. Like they just can’t bring themselves to comment on the overwhelming amount of ideas in my books. All we can do is suggest you may have a problem because we don’t have the courage to accept your pen name.

Also the way they took up the whole editorial section trying to explain the narration when it was fine. They wanted to make it seem like I made an amateur POV mistake or something like that when the idea is that once you get into the story, you don’t disrupt it again. Think of Neverending Story and how at the end it is like gee there is the story book. That is the way it works. And it could have been said succinctly but you spent that whole part of the review on something that didn’t matter. 

And the summary was muted to support your choice of a low 3 star review. The fun was taken out of it on purpose.

 Hello everyone. I am looking on the bright side because they could have said stuff like “virtually unreadable.”

Also I think one of the people I always freak out about is probably still my friend and I am having some kind of splitting problem. And the program re enacted stuff during that time and different people were different people.

And some of my problems are psychiatric like my fears and paranoia where I think people are going to accuse me of stuff and then as a person who has less status then I think they will win and then that makes me fear they are right in some way or could seem right enough.

But anyway will I go to the bank at ten. Maybe. I mean why not try. And get that over with.

And then another day do medicine and red lobster.

But some people are saying do the boil in honor of Dr Messer. Yeah good idea.

Another thing is that I didn’t realize just how good the other review was. But my sense that they are proportionally low is correct. Like that one should have had a star and this one should have had the rec.

And they do that to maintain credibility but why do I suspect that some of us are lambs and some aren’t.

But anyway delightfully eccentric. That is okay with me.

Do you Gice think I should send in This is It. Well I don’t know. I feel like it was more for fiction. I mean maybe peruse. But Gice. Cash money.