Hello everyone, this is Refried. It is Friday, Oct 9 at 7:30 am.  I think I am done cleaning for now. I think I have it as good as I can do it, which isn't that good, but noticeabley different from yesterday and the day before. I acutally do have one more bag of trash to take out and replace and then that will be it.  There are still a few things in the sink but it is clean.  And the stove and counter are clean. But it looks cluttered but is actually much better.  And the bed is made, the table is clear, the floor is swept and mopped, the clothes are on the chair, the cart has the books. There are still two clutter corners but it is not that bad. It is not really food trash or something like that. Also there is a pile of clothes in the corner of the bathroom but it is always like that and i think it is okay.

I might see if Daniella can come look at it since she saw it at its worst a week ago during the air conditioning swindle. 

I mean I still have an hour or so and could do some improvements if I need to.  But I think I am done with the main stuff. I also changed clothes. I kind of think I should go sit outside for a while and drink the coffee I just made.  Hmm. Maybe I will wait until after I finish the coffee and then go outside.

I mean if you think about it, I cleared out some of that food two weeks ago.  And did about 6 bags of trash total this month.  I mean that is a lot of trash, where does that come from.

Well, does anyone have any thoughts?

 Hello everyone, it is 6:30 am. The sink and counter area are almost done. It took about seven rounds of cleaning. And I threw away some stuff.  This chair area is the other problem area. It is kind of getting hot in my room. I am going to turn the fan on.

Ok the fan is on and I am cooling off. I think I will take a break and then do make my bed at 7 am. So that means, make bed, do final wipe down, throw away water bottles, do a final sweep, and clear corner some. 

Then I really think that should do it.  I mean they know when a room is not clean, but it could be much worse. I have been working on it for several days.

I am getting tired now. I did not sleep that much tonight.

Does anyone have any thoughts?

 Hello everyone, this is Refried. It is Friday, Oct 9 at 6 am. I am still cleaning my apartment for inspection.  I just tackled a few trouble spots. I still need to finish the sink but it is almost done.  And I cleared that counter area.  It is almost done too and needs one more wipe down. Then the stove.  But they are all a normal mess now. I think the area near my chair could use some work too.  

I also cleaned the shower some and it is much better.  And I threw away some old socks and random trash. There was someone upstairs knocking on a client's door, and I think that is weird for 6 am. Like who was that, I do not know. It might be someone assessing the workers.  Because my motivation reflects them.

So let's see. What is done so far: swept and mopped floor, did dishes, did preliminary sink wipe down, cleared counter, threw away two medium trash containers, cleaned shower, picked up trash from bathroom floor, cleared table, made bed, consolidated books, put up clothes, filled cart, took out three bags of trash.

I mean honestly that is not much.  What is left to do: Kind of some of the same stuff because it is not quite clean yet.  The sink, the counter, the stove, the bathroom floor, the bed, the table. 

I think I will rest for a while and then start again at 7 am.  Maybe that is what that knocking is about, to let me know they could come to my door at 7 am. Well I think I did pretty good so far.

Theology camp is fun and I believe I will see some visions. I already saw a few things. I think they are fine without me but would probably like to know what sights I see.

I hear Karla outside, I think I will say hello.

 Hello everyone, this is Refried. It is Thursday, Oct 8. At 6:30. I am going to go to a support group. I am skipping my comedy class tonight because I have inspection tomorrow. It just has to be that way. Inspection is not easy for me. I have done quite a few chores for it but still have four more things I need to do.  Floor, shower, counter, and table. I can do it. I think I will start again at 8 pm. I mean I could clear the table now. Maybe I should do that. Hmm I just can't. I will have to wait a while. The sink is normal now and just needs a little bit of cleaning with the counter and stove. The floor is a challenge and I hope I have two swiffer things. 

I went to an online program and asked a question after it had already been answered but it will be okay. 

They are not mad and I did the best I could. I cleaned my room some of the time but I think that is okay.

I am sad to miss comedy but I made the right choice and I can feel that this is right. It actually has been a rough couple of days in terms of knowing what to do with myself and feeling tired. Last night I took my medicine before group and did not feel well enough to stay.  

What do you gice think about my face. I think it is okay. I think it only has one really bad place and this summer there were twelve problems at one time.  Because of the medicine and the lupus flare and anxiety.

So I think I am okay even though I still am low functioning. I am going to clear off this table soon.  It will all go into a bag and the bag will go in the closet. Then I think I will do the floor.  Then the counter, then the shower.  It is going just fine.

Ok I wiped off the stove. So that is trash, bed, boxes, cart, clothes, laundry, cokes and water, sink, dishes, and that is all so far. Well see you later everyone.

 Pals, good news that cheers me up. Lee said I could mail him a book. I just kind of recognize the address and am not sure why the other book did not get to him.  But he might get two books this time, one for a friend.  A Joke Book. Pretty funny. My mouse father has been handling some very important business lately. I have decided to skip comedy tonight and work on inspection. I can do it.  Even with the extra time it is not that easy.  But I just threw out a bag of trash and picked up some clothes in the bathroom. So next is the main thing I am procrastinating which is cleaning out the sink.  I can do it.  After that it is mostly easy and I could wait until much later. I will do the floor soon after that but I think I am going to clear the table.  That will make me feel like I really got it clean enough. I think I will put the clothes on a chair and then put the boxes of books in the cart. 

Pals.  Do the SCBWI people think I am mad at them? I am not at all. I think they have to be consistent and decided that a priority right now is defending their profession from very overt plagiarism from non players.  Like it isn't even from peers.  But they would say I am a peer but I would say my work is what is going to be copied. And there are some jokes and phrases that if they get copied, I will take a baseball bat to a china shop.  I need to google what is available in NYC for that.

So anyway, let's calm down. I am going to be able to clean my apartment in time. What do you think they will say about the bugs? Well I have a lot of bug traps that are working.

Maybe clear off the table before doing the sink.

I think the people I was jealous of got disqualified temporarily. It might put everyone in a jam for me to say that but I am thinking add S and D and do a group snapshot sometime. Does anyone have any thoughts. I do not know if this is the same list as before.

I think that cold empty feeling from this morning was because of the fire drill. But I do not know. I mean maybe they really are targeting my comedy career or something. That is really weird. I am not even that good at comedy and my ideas this time are not as funny.

 Hello everyone, this is Refried. It is Thursday, Oct 8 at 2:35. I washed a dish and threw away some trash. I need to get some more trash bags. I might ask the people in the office if they have a trash bag that I can borrow.  But that is kind of bad because I had a lot of notice about this inspection. But I just realized that I can use grocery bags instead. Ok so that problem is solved. Now the question is, do I go to comedy class tonight? It got rescheduled. The way back home is rough and takes a couple of hours. 

I guess I am mainly disturbed by the news right now. Like why is Trump so eager to be at war with Iran but not defend Ukraine against Russia.  But no one wants that kind of war but why allow that kind of invasion. I think being bad at religion is part of it.

Anyway okay that reminds me to try again to find that address for the joke book. I just kind of don't know what to do with myself right now, and whether to go to the comedy class. I think I might stay here.  But honestly I need some reassurance about it. Like I think I might just feel better waiting until next week to go back to comedy. But I could get some feedback on the jokes but I do normally skip one class, don't I?

Pals I am not sure this inspection is that easy and I think I am going to stay home. I think I should clear the table.  Maybe clear it into a bag and put hte bag in the closet. Maybe put these two boxes of books in the closet, too.

I haven't posted that much on my normal facebook page lately, have I? But I do have two ads going.

Does anyone have any thoughts? 

 Hello everyone, this is Refried. It is Thursday. Oct 8. I might skip comedy tonight because of inspection. I need to wash the dishes and do the counter. I am going to try to do that at 12 pm noon. I just went to the post office and Walgreens. I got some water and cokes.

Soon I need to do a grocery order but it might be tomorrow or Saturday or even Sunday. I feel kind of depressed because I am lower than the SCBWI standards.  I think I won't be getting mad but it adds to my feeling of me always being the one to not count. 

I feel better after running that ad, though. I mean maybe there is a conspiracy and the books are reaching some people, but I don't think they are.  And I also think it is weird to apply that social work strategy to me, to take away any social reward and redistribute it later, supposedly to me but probably to other people who didn't do what I did. It is just weird to do that to my whole career when I don't even believe in it for mental health.

And then this is the year to announce that I survived 30 years with mental illness and I am going to have to say that I should have shot myself in the garbage dump when I was 23.