Hello everyone, this is Refried. I am listening to an awesome discussion at Theology Beer Camp. They are talking about codependence and enmeshment.  I have a problem with this because my mom has made me responsible for her life and feelings for my whole life. It is a tragedy of abuse that all people allowed and depended on themselves. Hmm that is interesting.  I wonder if anyone has ever studied other people's dependence on someone's dependence. Anyway, I do not know why it wasn't prevented and stopped but I did end up having a lot of blessings and am happy with my life overall. 

This discussion about having to manage someone else's feelings is really great. I mean that is it.  

So anyway I am doing okay but have had digestion issues this weekend. I think it is from the iron pills, low iron, and haphazard medicine schedule.  

A doctor helped me and she thinks it is GERD.  She is my health buddy because we both have heartburn and compression socks. I agree that the stomach acid is a factor and I ate mint chocolate chip ice cream last night which is a no no food.

I walked to Starbucks and had to call the cops about something.  The operator tried to make me sound like a Karen on the phone but I was doing the right thing.

I think I might eat some more apple jacks soon. I wish I could eat a piece of pizza. I ate some fruit snacks earlier. I think I will lose a pound from this incident.

Thanks, hospital pals, have a good weekend.

 This is a fun presentation that I am listening to. It is a cool event. I mean honestly it might be the coolest event there is. 

I might go get a piece of pizza soon. I mean should I go to starbucks. I just think I want to go get a piece of pizza. I kind of don't feel good from waiting to take my medicine and not sleeping.

But I am okay but I just think nothing is going to make me feel okay.

I need to mail some books but I think I might do that tomorrow.

Am I going to go online to a nami meeting today. I do not know.

I think just wait a while and decide about the pizza.  Does anyone have any thoughts.

 Hello everyone, good news, I passed inspection.  I also took my medicine just now because I told Karla I was going to take my medicine and that is why I asked her if she would do inspection early. So I felt I needed to go ahead and take the medicine. I think I will not feel good for a while.

But it is okay. I am attending a Theology Camp online right now and it is great. 

I ate some apple jacks and a fun size snickers. I feel okay. I drank coffee earlier. I kind of want to walk to Starbucks but I am listening to this stuff online. 

Will I go to any groups later. Hmm I do not know.

Karla addressed the issue with me saying stuff about her.  

She said that she took an ethics class in college. I kind of feel bad for criticizing her integrity when she has probably worked hard.  But she did turn off the elevator and air conditioning unfairly.

So I think it is okay that I have said stuff because that is the role and re-enactment that is happening for advocacy purposes.  I think Daniella helps Karla and our staff is good right now.

I am feeling the medicine right now and will have to lay down. Have a great day everyone.

Hello everyone, this is Refried. It is Friday, Oct 9 at 7:30 am.  I think I am done cleaning for now. I think I have it as good as I can do it, which isn't that good, but noticeabley different from yesterday and the day before. I acutally do have one more bag of trash to take out and replace and then that will be it.  There are still a few things in the sink but it is clean.  And the stove and counter are clean. But it looks cluttered but is actually much better.  And the bed is made, the table is clear, the floor is swept and mopped, the clothes are on the chair, the cart has the books. There are still two clutter corners but it is not that bad. It is not really food trash or something like that. Also there is a pile of clothes in the corner of the bathroom but it is always like that and i think it is okay.

I might see if Daniella can come look at it since she saw it at its worst a week ago during the air conditioning swindle. 

I mean I still have an hour or so and could do some improvements if I need to.  But I think I am done with the main stuff. I also changed clothes. I kind of think I should go sit outside for a while and drink the coffee I just made.  Hmm. Maybe I will wait until after I finish the coffee and then go outside.

I mean if you think about it, I cleared out some of that food two weeks ago.  And did about 6 bags of trash total this month.  I mean that is a lot of trash, where does that come from.

Well, does anyone have any thoughts?

 Hello everyone, it is 6:30 am. The sink and counter area are almost done. It took about seven rounds of cleaning. And I threw away some stuff.  This chair area is the other problem area. It is kind of getting hot in my room. I am going to turn the fan on.

Ok the fan is on and I am cooling off. I think I will take a break and then do make my bed at 7 am. So that means, make bed, do final wipe down, throw away water bottles, do a final sweep, and clear corner some. 

Then I really think that should do it.  I mean they know when a room is not clean, but it could be much worse. I have been working on it for several days.

I am getting tired now. I did not sleep that much tonight.

Does anyone have any thoughts?

 Hello everyone, this is Refried. It is Friday, Oct 9 at 6 am. I am still cleaning my apartment for inspection.  I just tackled a few trouble spots. I still need to finish the sink but it is almost done.  And I cleared that counter area.  It is almost done too and needs one more wipe down. Then the stove.  But they are all a normal mess now. I think the area near my chair could use some work too.  

I also cleaned the shower some and it is much better.  And I threw away some old socks and random trash. There was someone upstairs knocking on a client's door, and I think that is weird for 6 am. Like who was that, I do not know. It might be someone assessing the workers.  Because my motivation reflects them.

So let's see. What is done so far: swept and mopped floor, did dishes, did preliminary sink wipe down, cleared counter, threw away two medium trash containers, cleaned shower, picked up trash from bathroom floor, cleared table, made bed, consolidated books, put up clothes, filled cart, took out three bags of trash.

I mean honestly that is not much.  What is left to do: Kind of some of the same stuff because it is not quite clean yet.  The sink, the counter, the stove, the bathroom floor, the bed, the table. 

I think I will rest for a while and then start again at 7 am.  Maybe that is what that knocking is about, to let me know they could come to my door at 7 am. Well I think I did pretty good so far.

Theology camp is fun and I believe I will see some visions. I already saw a few things. I think they are fine without me but would probably like to know what sights I see.

I hear Karla outside, I think I will say hello.

 Hello everyone, this is Refried. It is Thursday, Oct 8. At 6:30. I am going to go to a support group. I am skipping my comedy class tonight because I have inspection tomorrow. It just has to be that way. Inspection is not easy for me. I have done quite a few chores for it but still have four more things I need to do.  Floor, shower, counter, and table. I can do it. I think I will start again at 8 pm. I mean I could clear the table now. Maybe I should do that. Hmm I just can't. I will have to wait a while. The sink is normal now and just needs a little bit of cleaning with the counter and stove. The floor is a challenge and I hope I have two swiffer things. 

I went to an online program and asked a question after it had already been answered but it will be okay. 

They are not mad and I did the best I could. I cleaned my room some of the time but I think that is okay.

I am sad to miss comedy but I made the right choice and I can feel that this is right. It actually has been a rough couple of days in terms of knowing what to do with myself and feeling tired. Last night I took my medicine before group and did not feel well enough to stay.  

What do you gice think about my face. I think it is okay. I think it only has one really bad place and this summer there were twelve problems at one time.  Because of the medicine and the lupus flare and anxiety.

So I think I am okay even though I still am low functioning. I am going to clear off this table soon.  It will all go into a bag and the bag will go in the closet. Then I think I will do the floor.  Then the counter, then the shower.  It is going just fine.

Ok I wiped off the stove. So that is trash, bed, boxes, cart, clothes, laundry, cokes and water, sink, dishes, and that is all so far. Well see you later everyone.