Hello everyone, this is Refried. It is 10:07. It is time for me to take my medicine. I think I will wait until 11 pm though. I am seeing too much news because of not having my computer with me. It means I am scrolling instead of watching youtube.

I am going to do another financial assessment where I throw in everything as a cost and divide it by blessings requested in prayer. And I will do one prayer instead of estimating my whole prayer life.

So here is the prayer: Dear God please give everyone who ever lives 45 trillion blessings.

Ok that wasn’t that amazing but the fact that I am alive to pray that prayer from earth took a lot of endurance and miracles. So I think we can expect for it mostly to be answered.

Now, we don’t know how salvation plays into it, but we know that there are about two billion Christians in the world as it is. So by the most conservative estimate, we can multiply two billion times 45 trillion and that is the number of blessings that I have reasonably requested.

so we are looking at 90 billion trillion blessings. So then we estimate total cost for my existence, including tax dollars, city resources, history and law, people being nice to me, etc. in this way, even things I have earned become resources. So I would count a 15k retail salary as a cost, not a blessing or payoff.

So okay, let’s see, medical industry, research, medicine, insurance, roads, people who fix electricity, cops and hospitals, etc. I guess people could say that these costs are shared but I think that’s not the only way to look at it. I think we are looking at trillions divided by trillions.

So I think maybe the real number I am looking for is to disregard the work harvest and consider just New York City 9 million people who got proximity prayer. And I think the number for that is also 300k.

So okay the cost is still fractional. It is 30 people per dollar for prayer, 300 people per dollar for a meme.

I mean you have to see that as worth it.

 I see now that some people did a stricter calculation and they include the more reasonable 300k and my sister’s deduction and they are saying overall my dad’s work and parents life savings as it was spent on an existence impact is about one cent per person. I am ok with seeing it that way but think that means I could literally spend 100k more dollars on anything and be in that range.  But I just feel like the 300k number is the issue. Because that is what I requested gradually and accepted because of my intent to deliver on being a literary giant. I think even with my survival situation I would not have flung around that money without expecting a literary legacy that is worth that. Well frankly the impact of that is still missing. But so is my career except for the creative work. So that is definitely in question but as I was saying about the facebook numbers if you separate the Christian mission from the literary medium then the Efirds were not fools. We did one cent per person together for a hundred million people. That is without the prayers for New York. That does sound kind of like bragging but I personally think that I already should answer for the financial burden I have caused. I mean there are a lot of factors for all of us. But there are certain ways of looking at it where it’s kind of okay for me to go buy a polo shirt at the mall and eat at Joy of Tokyo soon.

I just think instead of looking at the credit card stuff I will think about my cost of living and apply it to this work view and simplify it at one cent. Honestly you have to question if it is enough.

 Hello everyone, this is Refried. I have some good news. I have done some calculations and feel that an investment has paid off and I no longer am at risk of wasting about 300 thousand Efird dollars. Basically the situation is that for a while, the amount spent on me even as a loan was more than I had yet delivered on. So I estimated kind of a minimum and subtracted that from the actual, and that was how much I felt needed to be justified by the book career. So then I started giving away books, and I felt that the total cost behind each book that actually reached someone was about a hundred dollars. Which isn’t that bad, and to me the content is worth that, but that is how I calculated what had been spent on me as a writer living in New York. 

Well there are other ways of looking at it, and insurance paid for about 3 million dollars worth of medical care. So really when you start looking at survival, the book hobby becomes valuable as a reason for living. And you can kind of see the living expenses as like a copay for a time of recovery. Well that is interesting but I usually take a stricter view and think that my life in New York was partially based on the value of a literary mission.

So anyway, I felt like once I had given away a lot of books, about a thousand, then two thousand, then three thousand, then getting the cost behind each book down to 50-100 dollars was really not that bad. It is like a church or community project and those numbers are okay.

But I think that my three years of facebook content can actually replace the book ambitions as being a return on the investment from family, friends, therapists, and medical charity. And people got reached well with some of the book content and some easy ai art. so now we are looking at a harvest that justifies a lot. People could say that it just added to my expense and cost of living but I think really that is where some actual benefit happened. And there are good numbers to work with but the main point is that I can now applies those dollars per person to the facebookers who saw the art and joke posts. So now my books are no longer bearing a burden of costing a hundred dollars per book. The books are now whatever they cost. I can either order them as author copies or have them sent from amazon for pretty cheap considering shipping during dangerous times.

This is very good for my family and I have a lot of people to thank for it. And honestly if I were in charge of the numbers on Judgement Day I would give each of my people total credit for the hundred million and each of the hundred million the credit for the whole 300 thousand dollars. I mean also over 14 years then some stuff evens out. Anyway it is a fun hobby to do the numbers and I am thankful to be alive. I mean some numbers are still low like zero book sales and low income. But I believe my imaginary mice parents will do very well in their judgement day court cases.

 Hello everyone, today is Sunday, March 22. I am in Greenville, SC. My mom is at church and I am waiting to go to Red Lobster with my sister and our friend Hadley. It is going to be a real treat. 

I think I might go online and look at the menu.

I just played the piano and I have to say that something has clicked and I can now compose.

I am running an ad on facebook for my Joke Book. I believe the ad will be seen by about 8000 people. How many sales will that be? Usually it is zero. But I feel like I should at least try.

I might do a send around with all my jokes as joke book ads. I think my girlfriend gets the money. And I am always like where’s my girlfriend, where’s the book sales. But meanwhile she is getting some cash for the mall.

I need to be satisfied with that and not always be like gee where is my career.

However time goes on and people are not reading my books.

I am tired of the politics but ups and downs live and learn.

Gice I might see if Dr. Dalmeus will refer me to the groups at that building on my campus. What do you Gice think about that.

Like mental health group therapy. 

Gice what do you think about my mental health.

My ad just got approved.  I am boosting some blob posts and a joke on facebook, and two videos on instagram.

Honestly it helps me feel a sense of worth and purpose.

Facebook asked if I wanted to monetize and I said yes but I know there will be no money whatsoever. I think their system is questionable but I just love sending posts to India and the people there like my videos and posts. Maybe for Easter I will send that lamb of God post around again.

I mean this is my career. It is a good career. I could get paid in heaven for it.

 Gice I think I should not get a new computer. I think I should find a way to be productive and work on poems and joke memes so I am not bored. I could use my phone or go to fed ex one day.

Right now is prime time according to my schedule. So I will go get some coffee or coke and then what. Maybe read pizza novel or Apple novel.

I need to order Kmart novel because there is not a copy here.

Does anyone have any thoughts?

What do you think of the two new videos. Boost them or not. I mean the last boost was so great that maybe I should wait and concentrate on creating more content first.

Tomorrow I might send a text to John c, Vance, Jenn g, and Amanda c. And what about Tammy. That would be good to see them again.

Gice is life going to get better. Some things have improved but it makes me even more so say why did that stuff happen. Why couldn’t I be happy in the Bronx with a stop and shop.

 Gice I am going to scout out computer prices at Apple Store. It may be time to get a new computer but it is possible that I should rely on my old one. What do you Gice think. As I say that I think maybe I will rely on the old one. if anyone has any opinions I would appreciate it.

Gice did you see the two new videos. I think they are good but not unbelievable. I tried to do one of a rabbit playing the piano and creating paint splashes but there was not a good one. Maybe on Bing it would be good.

 Ok everyone, I am doing okay. I just felt accused by those texts but really I am glad that person is friends with my mom. People can think what they want. I think last time when I fell on the toilet that is what cause the leak later on that flooded the house. 

And then the scam. That could have been worse. Mom has made it clear she does not want people taking care of her.

And I think she is okay but she is hobbling on her cane and at risk of falling but my guess is that she is careful.

I think that since my medicine has been reduced then I will exercise more and walk in my neighborhood.

I think the this too shall pass slogan applies to all the weird waves of strife and mayhem.

I am very invested in Judgement Day and will try to think of rewards to request ahead of time.

I am very sad about the trans rights problems and I do not know how to help or what to do. I think just be myself and do what I am doing is part of it.

I read some thin books today and they were great. I hope they reach people soon. I think they will and I think it will help my outlook if I consider some stuff almost a done deal and then appreciate everyone who contributed.

But I don’t know because counting chickens before they hatch is a thing.

 Hello everyone, this is Refried. It is 11 pm on Saturday night. I took my medicine today at about 11 am. That is late but maybe eventually it will fix my sleep schedule.

Today I went to Panera but it was not fun. Possibly because I had just taken my medicine. 

I wish I had a computer here. But I am glad I packed light. That made traveling easier. 

I think I might make some more coffee soon.

I made two new videos I like but the third one is a fail so far and I am out of attempts. Also I really don’t have enough money to boost the new videos. And yet it might not be that much of a different budget.

Tomorrow I am going to lunch with my sister and my friend Hadley. I had stuff to tell Hadley but I forgot it. 

I felt an accusation about not taking good enough care of my mom but I think I have done the best I could. 

My mom needs hip replacement surgery and I hope we can figure that out. Sometimes she is unhelpable. I don’t know who all knows what her problems are. I think some people did observe her try to care for dad. She had a very visible fussing problem.

Anyway I won’t analyze it. I really need to accept that most people will never understand and they will misperceive me in that category of my life. 

That is where my friend Marianne did well though. She just heard one phone message in year 2000 and was like omg what are you going to do, Sarah, that problem is never going to go away. I mean that is pretty amazing. And yet some people will never see it and think I am a bad person.

But I think also some people might have seen it early on and provided for it. And my friend Claire was a mentor.

So anyway like I said I don’t need to go on and on about it. But I feel it right now. I think something triggered it.

like I go towards the fridge and she blocks the fridge, I go to get a glass and she blocks the cabinet, I go to the microwave and she blocks that.

Then the questioning, why that plate, why that bowl, do you need a plastic bag, why don’t you need a plastic bag, I am leaving the cabinet open so you can see what is in the cupboard. It seems like care but it isn’t. It is her thinking my life is hers. She is trying to control my face and arms and feet. Macro meso micro, it is on every level.

But I am ok so far here. I am having an okay time. I need to text some friends. That is usually when the fussing gets out of control is when I start socializing with other people.

 Gice it is Saturday, I woke up at 11:30 and took my medicine. Now I am at Panera. I didn’t get the good section but I am outside and that is nice.

I meant to bring two books with me: plagiarism collection and revelationaries. 

I think I will find those books on my phone as e books.

Does anyone have any feedback on how things have gone in general or about the books? 

 Gice I do not want to feel the evil power. I want to see visions. But soon I have to take my medicine but honestly I could take it at 6 and be ok.

Gice there is such variety of craziness these days. I might need to write a poem similar to we didn’t start the fire.

Maybe think of some stuff for my comedy routine.

Gice I didn’t do that good at the discussion but I am okay with what I said. I think it was on topic and most of all I think that these people are not Christian nationalists.

So anyway I will try to think of who might like this organization. I kind of think Audrey Breen might be a possible. But I don’t know. She might already have her people but I mean why not do a zoom reshuffle.

Gice don’t you think it is amazing that God provided zoom meetings and how much it benefited me personally as someone who was tormented in person?

I mean that is kind of crazy.

Anyway too bad my appearance isn’t good on my phone.

 Hello everyone, this is Refried. It is 3:20 am. Soon I will take my medicine. Tonight I read an article that I think was Christian nationalism. It is my first encounter with it. Isn’t that weird? It was horrible and I felt the cult feeling from it. I have only felt that feeling three or four times in my life. I am thankful God spared me that particular spiritual abuse. Now I am feeling a little bit of the evil power when I think of it. so far it is going away ok and I could read old hospital notes if it persists.

I think it is not cool for the northerners to accuse all conservatives of Christian nationalism. A lot of people are voting their conscience and just wrong about some things. That is not the same as a cult. I think also there are people who conflate religion and politics but aren’t a cult either. 

I just wrote something kind of nationalist and felt the evil power. How horrible and scary. What I was going to say I do actually believe which is that I don’t know that God hasn’t led the church to work through government against threats in the world right now. Like to take control and be militarist in some ways, like I don’t know that God didn’t lead half the people to choose that.

But anyway I think one main priority is helping young people find their way and be social in positive ways. People need friends and some parents are really suffering as teens start mobbing places. But anyway, crazy times. I mean honestly I feel that we knew several years ago that “this is it,” like we knew we had to get through those years, keep insurance, etc. I mean am I wrong? But I think possibly the roll out of social media was an important thing during our time, and it is reaching a lot of other countries and stuff is available to them. Some bad stuff but some good stuff. And certain important things happened and now it is different scenarios. I mean am I right?

I mean maybe some parents organized for their teens to go be violent. I do not really know.

Gice I hope I don’t keep feeling the evil power. We should pray for people to be delivered from those cults.

Also here is a question about reincarnation and purgatory and other worlds. We know there are angel armies and spiritual battles. Well do angels get “killed” in battle and if so where do they go? Just wondering, I mean what does born again literally mean. Well have a good day everyone.

 Hello everyone, this is Refried. It is 1:12 pm on Thursday, march 19. I am safely in Greenville and comfortable in my mom’s house. The construction looks good and honestly it feels normal. I feel like it is my fault that the bathroom plumbing flooded after last time but it is fixed now.

I don’t know if I will go get barbecue from Lowe’s grocery store today. I might wait until tomorrow.

It was a good train trip. Gilbert seems mad at me but I am just glad I got here safely. He did a power play with the payment but I think it was to let me know my mom was watching from the living room. That is fine and I think she is like me on that and I have to say that these travel arrangements are not a game and I agree with her vigilance.

. I wish I had a laptop here but I am not messing up my other computer.

My mouse video hit one million views. That was really fast and I appreciate it. I guess that is my new hobby. I mean it has been fun and a blessing. I think I should not obsess about the American problems when I have a good outlet in India.

I don’t know who I will try to meet up with on my trip. Maybe Amanda, Vance, Sherrie, Mickie, Jenn, and some other pals from last time. What about Katherine. And Cynthia and who else, lots of people. Kimberly and the poetry people. I mean it was a happy life here and I am thankful.

Gice I think the social work license stuff is ok. I hope they got all my proofs etc.

Gice I might do some memes for my art page at some point. Like if I am at Panera.

Well everyone, have a good day.

 Hello everyone, 

This is Refried. It is 12:44 on Thursday, march 19. Tomorrow there is a presentation on catatonia. In about five hours I will probably be in Greenville. 

This has been a good train ride. I feel ok, I am glad I don’t have any problems from sitting down too long, and my heartburn is pretty much gone, my anxiety is normal, so far I am not in agony like when I can’t stand it. That hasn’t happened on every recent trip so maybe this time will be okay too. I hope the seat stays empty after train buddy leaves. Because you know what I got a bad person once and it was awful. I think if that happens I will ask the worker if I can move seats.

Hopefully it will be fine. It turned out that I could listen to my phone some without headphones.

I visited my low iron numbers. It seems ok and I will take the new medicine soon.

They marked me down for schizophrenia. What do you Gice think about that. I just feel like people can’t logically ignore the textbook manic episodes.

Ok so I guess people are wondering about seizures. I haven’t really had any seizure symptoms lately. That is a good thing too.

Well everyone, I wish I had more gold coins on my royal match game but it is okay.

Does anyone have any thoughts 

 Hello everyone, this is Refried. I am on the train. It is 11:42. I have heartburn but took two tums. Usually I need mylanta and tums but the mylanta I have is old however I think I could swallow another swallow if I need to.

Right now I am plotting to give more books to people and it is too bad I did not bring any for train buddies but you know what frankly people can buy the books online if they want some books. I mean after four years then I would think some people could just scrape up five dollars and choose a book they find interesting.

But anyway I appreciate the care for this trip and people helping it not be torturesome. I forgot to bring anxiety medicine but think I am ok on that.

I feel like I can still take train trips and probably once I get home it will be like normal.

I don’t think I am being two faced so far on the conservatives. I mean have you Gice read blob mentality. I think A C would like that book but I don’t see a mailing address.

My heartburn got a little better. It is mostly okay just kind of comes back sometimes like when I have a symptom and it seems to align with thoughts but really it is the stress reaction.

But anyway was MC mad at me. I think she was communicating that people were going to get in trouble for the various cases of ptsd that I mentioned.

But I don’t know. I mean maybe it was because I said combat and captivity but I know I am on to something and I think she deserves to know about it.

I mean that there could be a whole fight ptsd and flight ptsd. I mean that is good stuff. 

Anyway I think I will tune into that other YouTube now.

 Hello everyone, this is Refried. It is 1:10 am on Wednesday, March 18. I need to pack a bag now. It will take ten minutes, I can do it. I should go to sleep at 2 am. 

Gice these cupcakes went well with the chick fil a. Last time I got the baked by Melissa cupcakes I was too hungry and ate all of them too fast and then they were gone. This time went much better.

Gice I feel like this was the peak of my career. I hope people enjoyed it. The jokes, the videos, the social work license. 

I feel that people care about my trip and want me to be okay and I am very thankful for that. Probably it will be fine. I made my choice with the luxury option and I feel ok.

I need to pack another joke book which I think will be for that Delaware person. I don’t think I am going to send other books for other staff people but maybe eventually.

I am going to work on being more positive now. I think people intervened about the main stuff and I should try to be a team player and good sport.

I just need to pack the bag. 

I mean I could go to sleep at 3 and be okay.

So pack the bag at 2. Sleep at 3. 

Get up at 8.

I mean is the issue leave the books here and don’t go to the post office tomorrow morning. Because I would have to carry the bag too.

Maybe that is it.

but the bag needs to be light.

I am not taking as much this time.

But I need to go to the post office because of that package that is there. 

So I am thinking light bag, go to post office, mail two books.

Does anyone have any thoughts.

 Gice I think I will mail Dr. Diana Diamond a joke book when I am able to.

Gice I am not a narcissist but the case is there for it, but I am not one. I am a self oriented entertainer and priestlike single person. It is not that easy and I don't appreciate people calling me selfish when the general consensus is eventually going to be that it was immoral for me not to do a mercy killing on myself.

And some people think I am full of myself but you don't know what kind of confidence you have to have to deliver on a national level for some stuff. You have to know that you have what it takes and then defend it.  So people can call me a narcsissist but I have a lot of friends and pray for people and get results from a merciful God.

And we need to pray for all the suffering people who for some reason, when it comes their time to get treatment, they land on narcissism. That can be very hurtful and it might not be their fault.

And as for underachievement.  It is other people who underachieved in their acceptance of me.

 This is kind of random but I think some people want to call me racist for not joining in the white bashing and liberal supremacy campaigns.  And it is interesting because I have encountered it before in my life as a threat of retail abuse and coworkers who had TV shows telling them to treat christians like crap.  

And the way it goes is people join in an anti evangelical effort and then accuse me of racism.  But what they sometimes don't realize is that by all measures, I have a more diverse friend set, have done more community service, have shared in more oppression, and have a proven history that is multple times better than any of their cultural drifting.  And yet it is so easy to say I am the racist one.  Well I will wait and see what is said on actual Judgement Day for that.  

I think actually it is their lack of prior support for oppressed catgories that makes them choose the destructive activist path as their main engagement with race issues.  It was simply the only opportunity that appealed to them, because it had elements of abuse mixed in.  It was a chance for them to criticize those pesky church people who seemed better in some unfair way, so they take up this crusade that actually has nothing to do with them.  And I am always the target because I circle in lower classes as a good person who went to sunday school and learned actual virtue.

Can you believe I am saying this? Well I get tired of being bullied by lazy white people who think they can make up for a lifetime of shirking actual moral obligations by turning on me as a person who has chosen a more authentic support for people with histories of injustice.  It is utterly ridiculous and I won't participate in it.  

 Hello everyone. I just went to the post office. I mailed some books and it made me happy. I might go back at 4 pm to mail more books and pick up a package.  That is in an hour and a half. 

The post office people did something weird with the line but eventually things worked out. They know i will give them a good score on the feedback rating even if they threaten refusal to serve.  And I know they probabyl won't go through with refusal to serve, and that is good enough for me.  

I also picked up some iron pills at walgreens.  Hopefully that will go well. I might not start that until Friday.  But i do not know. 

I texted with some friends in recent days and it was unexpectedly powerful support. Like really deep with just a few texts.  

My facebook joke about despised and rejected is reaching 500 thousand views. That means that for this recent batch of boosts, it will be about 3 mil and not 2 mil. So that is weird that I hoped for that and then doubted it and felt bad and now see that okay that is about right.

So anyway I did not do well last night but now I know to take my medicine on the trip. I can do it, it will be fine. I will drive some too and not get in a wreck and not get pulled over. I am scared they will see my gender X on my license and just shoot me.

But probably it is fine.  A lot of people are facing that stuff much worse. I am still going to be in the middle and mediate even if everyone hates me for it.  That reminds me to send Becky those links.

 Ok everyone, it is Tuesday, March 17, St. Patricks Day. I called my mom and we resolved our problem.  Interestingly I think I was a little bit in the wrong this time but last year she already fussed at me when I got those stuffed animals for my nieces.

So okay. It kind of reminds me of something which is that I was going to get another stuffed animal for a suffering person I prayed for and then didn't.  I think the moment has passed and I do not know what all things like that ever mean.  A lot of times in New York when the moment passes it is really okay that way. To not do the nice thing, like you just can't always do stuff. 

Anyway that was the main trigger and I am okay.  And then about missign the presentation, it would have been good to go to but I overslept.  But maybe I needed the sleep. I had an interesting dream and I am so happy to be dreaming better.  It is like purchasing a new TV or getting a blockbuster card or something.

Also I started to not take the latuda last night and concluded that I will in fact take it as prescribed and try not to miss a dose in Greenville. I will just feel better and maybe I can correct my sleep schedule.

Now what about mailing books.  That will be okay. It will mostly be a break from it.

I think I will send a few messages now but I can't remember everyone.

 Gice I am having a rough day but it cheers me up that it is St. Patricks Day.  But last night I did not feel good because my room was hot and I had to skip medicine night before last in order to go get my rent check.  And then I forgot to set my alarm for the extra CE presentation that I did want to go to.  So I missed that and that is the main reason I am kicking myself.  But then my mom texted me just to say not to get my nieces a present when I am in town.  And that was a controlling anxious action that is part of her OCD and shows me her intent for the whole trip.  To control me like a toddler.  This might be my last visit.  That is sad. I have enjoyed going there over the years.  But I think we need to consider that if she is unvisitable then maybe she is ready to move to a new stage of care for herself.  So here we go, aging parent problems, plus thirty years of severe emotional abuse and undiagnosed mental disability that was heaped on me as my problem for my whole life.

And then weirdly I got an email last night at around midnight from an agent who is saying no thank you and it was actually very grounding when I didn't feel good. So that is mostly a good thing and helps even though it makes me feel bad like I was too religious in my query and then chose to post that purple joke yesterday.  But I think I made the right choices and am doing the best I can.  I think that the money will come before an agent ever does and that will be kind of sad for everyone. But really neither thing might ever come and my books catch on after I am dead.  And that is really cruel. It could be a spiritual condition, though.  Like this formula of poverty and low social status and answered prayer. That could be how it works.

Anyway, wow, that mom problem disturbs me.  I don't think anyone ever really knows how deeply disturbing it is when it happens.  And how my mom likes to make me feel that way and that is how she feels better. It is an anxiety disorder.  And then for Barnes and Noble to torture me and people to be like, how tragic, now Refried can't escape from her abusive mother.  When there were about five other routes to freedom if anyone out there cared to treat me like half of a normal person. I mean I am not even an animal, I am a germ in most people's eyes.

Anyway I think those are the main three issues.  It is weird how the agent thing is the most serious and yet that is okay. I mean I am okay, it feels like work, like health, like that is part of being a writer.  And the other stuff is messed up.  

Ok I did hear back from the license people and it would have helped to keep doing these classes but I just accidentally missed one today. Man that bothers me. Ultimately it is because of not feeling well because of the medicine.  And some people say told you so but they are wrong.  To go get my rent check I had to skip medicine. Try it yourself. You all would have committed suicide when you were 23. Hear it from me or hear it from God in front of all of humanity on Judgement Day.

So anyway, that leaves two problems, the mom problem who tells me the day before I leave that she will torture me the whole time I am there, and the problem of missing the extra presentation.  I just feel that an extra 3 hours would have been good.  But you know what? Some of those presentations messed with my mood.  So maybe it is okay that I missed it. I was just interested in the topic.

Anyway I hope the license thing works out.  I believe I can redo it all on my trip to Greenville if I need to. I could go to FedEx Office and try again.

I told Kayla I was sorry I called her the wrong name.  That was weird.

But a lot of people are in on the conspiracy.

It was depressing last night to not feel well and to go on facebook and not be able to find any friends' posts.  Just junk.  But this morning was better with a lot of St. Patricks Day posts of animals in green. I am glad I won't be a saint on that level.  I mean wow I would not want to be the subject of a holiday.

Was that bad to say, well it is weird times. Anyway let's count my blessings: two funny jokes, good videos, a new hobby, a reason to end the other hobby, I am mostly all set for my trip, medical numbers are okay but also probably the end is in sight, and things will probably work out with my mom.

I think I should sign up for the May comedy class but I have to talk to my mom about it. She is upset right now too because her habits are destructive for her as well.  It is a dementia but it only happens with me.  And that is why I may eventually need to not go visit at all.

 Hello everyone, this is Refried. It is 9:41 on Monday, March 16. I was so rude in my therapy group tonight and was upset about my social work license process.  Because I had to re-send all my certificates and there is a risk that it will be messed up when either the google send should have been okay, or google should not be using a drive service. And I think that is the issue.  

Anyway, crazy times. I got a mysterious email but think it will be good. I mean what is the meaning of it. 

Tomorrow I am mailing a package but I might be late with some stuff for some people. 

But I don't know. I might mail those two things. And that is it for now. I mean it is not easy sometimes.

Gice my snap benefits were increased and I am so thankful.

My therapy group helped me with some major stuff today. 

I mean it was really amazing to the point where I question things ever being a problem. Like was that necessary? Anyway. Are people mad at me for taking less medicine. I know it is good and I know it is okay that I skipped it last night so I could go downtown in a timely manner.

That was weird at the post office today wasn't it.

Gice I got some more joke books. Aaron needs his copy and he feels hurt but he does not realize that I just got the copies today.

Does anyone have any thoughts? I am so sad about Palestine.  I could see where occupation could help if it was done right.  And if the humanitarian needs were addressed.

I still think my jokes page posts are okay.

I have reflected on my video shares and think I was a little bit obsessively greedy to keep wanting to hit 3 mil.  I think 2 mil is great and that is what is happening very well. I am sorry about that bad behavior.

Let's make a to do list for tomorrow:

mail books at post office

send a few messages asking if people want a free book

send becky the links for christine

do laundry

get iron pills

Call Gilbert

that is all

Gice I need to calm down about the social work license. I just don't appreciate this email situation and think that TZK hurt me, the license people hurt me, google hurt me, and that is all.

I think my trip will be fine and I need to adjust my attitude to thankful.

 Hello everyone. This is Refried. It is 5 pm on Monday, march 16. I am sad because I had to re-send my social work CE proofs. In order to upload them all, I used Google drive, and the office said they could not use Google drive. So I redid stuff but still don’t know if it is good enough. I had to send it all in multiple emails because some files were too large. And that was because of the agencies. Well I DONT APPRECIATE THAT.

Hopefully it will be okay. I also sent the person one of the new videos. I hope she can watch it.

Now I am listening to a song by Pat Benetar. I just love it. It reminds me of the mall and Bellevue.

That is why the conspiracy is playing it, so I can look forward to going to the mall.

I think there is still one issue which is that a screenshot isn’t a pdf. And they probably want pdfs so they can make one file.

 Gice that was a bit much in that next post, wasn't it. I think that is one of the few times I have ever said that, but it makes sense that it is about a googly eyed creature video.

Anyway I possibly hit numbers that are affected by time of the week etc.  But this is still a good reach for these videos.  I just feel like it slowed down a little for some of it.  I think there is more fluctuation for this than the memes. 

But I think it will be around 3 mil for all the posts. That is very good and I am happy with that amount of views. I mean honestly that is not thru plays.  That is just views. But these videos are simple and people can see the creatures and move on.

So anyway, that is good.  Soon I will go downtown to get my rent check. In about an hour. Then I will come back and go to the post office.  Then maybe I will go to Walgreens and get some over the counter iron pills.

My dreams were cool and vivid for the second or third night in a row. I think it is from reducing the latuda. The latuda caused suppression and striving in my dreams and I did not like it. I think I will feel much better and question why all this happened to me.

I need to make sure I keep my mood in check for my trip, because there could be effects from less medicine.  But I think mostly I will just be happier and more normal. And without that intense spiritual hole feeling.

Gice, these videos.  I just feel like the numbers dipped some but mostly it is good and I love the videos. That is fun and other people make videos too so why be selfish.  But I feel my missing friends and the junky media trash on the feeds, it is just horrible. And weird that those problems are so much of what is actually wrong in our country. So much of it is the algorithms and if there was a more friend friendly line up then it would change our lives like original facebook.

Anyway I always say that. Gice as I settle down I can remember the book goals.  I mean the consistent lesson is be thankful for what I have and things will be better in heaven without the problems.

I prayed a lot this weekend and other people can learn to do their share on that. I mean do people not want to have a say in things that can help people, I do not know.  There are a lot of good people out there.

I mean think of all the workers and coworkers who are nice people, and the facebookers who just wanted a laugh like anyone else.

So okay.  my numbers came back from labs.  It mostly seems okay. I believe the iron issue is partially from pantropazole. And maybe signs of kidney lupus. But so far in the clear.

Gice, psych meds, a horrible thing. I did get some benefit from lower doses, but these recent years have reminded me of other bad times, and how horrible it is. I mean being drugged like that, the weight of it, the health decline, the cap on consciousness and personality, the insult of it, the devastation.

Anyway does anyone have any thoughts.  I just thought that the video views were going to be more than the memes but I think we are looking at a similar range.  And that is still great. I mean 200k overnight for the lobster, that is awesome.  But I just notice the frog is not hitting that high as compared to the cost.

But anyway, okay everyone, that is all. Ups and downs, live and learn. Two more days until my trip.

Mostly I am done aren't I, like I lived most of my life. Yoo hoo, Ravneet, do you want to play cards.

Gice I missed another mensa games day, I just can't hack it at this time.

 Gice praise God and Jesus for the relief and hallelujah, the video was approved. I just loved the video and did not want it to get canceled for some reason.  I mean sorry to be religious about it but I am really relieved.  It still probably won't start sharing for a while but it at least has passed the review.

I guess that is also a reminder to be thankful for the other stuff that went well, like the publishing on amazon.  I mean the books did not reach a lot of people, but I at least got copies of the books and was able to legally change my name and advertise.  I think I reached about 600 thousand or even a million americans with the pen name, and it would be very publically unjust for anyone to mess that up.

So I think I am okay.  But honestly it should be like that.  It is my old nickname and it is original to use it.

Gice sometimes I haven't done that well. I think we should all look on the bright side about that.  Like what a mess every thing is but there will some day be a strainer that brings up some jewels and smooth magic stones from our lives.

Anyway, it was nice to see a photo of Sion.  Sion, I don't think I have sent you any books.  Gice I need to get Brian McC's mailing address and send a message to Sharon E.

I can do it, it just isn't easy. I am just aware of Sharon E's church schedule for some reason.  I mean whe might not even want a book but she is on the list.

Gice I just am so thankful that this lobster video is going to reach a lot of people.  It is number three and sometime I will do the mice for the next round of boosts. But I think this is enough for now.  3 and 3.

Ok that is all for now.  Thanks everyone for helping me stay alive. This is a good moment in my life, when the lobster video shares.

 Hello everyone, this is Refried. It is 9:30 pm on Sunday, March 15. I made another video and am waiting for it to be approved. I believe it will be my last one for a while. They are taking a long time to approve it.  They took a long time to run one of the other ones even though they approved it quickly.  And the last one took a while to approve but is now running fine.  I haven't checked the numbers but I am sure it is less than the glitter bear.  But I think this next one is really cute and will be popular. I mean it could be classic.

I hope it gets approved. If it doesn't then I guess I will eventually find my way to tik tok. Because come on, I don't need them to ruin this for me. It is a good opportunity.

So anyway is the conspiracy in on it. I think they might be because the creature looks a little bit like a lobster. I just don't understand why I can't have a paycheck for anything.

But anyway my trip will not be easy. I feel tired. I think I need to take my iron medicine. So I will go to the store sometime for that.  Tomorrow morning I will try to go get my rent check.  I think it will be okay.

Gice I just wish that instagram wasn't torturing me with this ad approval.  It is just not nice. It really hurts me. It puts me in a tired state of mind instead of happy.  But I have had some happiness with this so maybe it is okay.  I just feel like it is very exciting because I had thought maybe some day I would work with sesame street to animate the floopydoos and do some mice and now I can absolutely do it myself.  At least if these resources are maintained.  But are the tech people going to be weird about who they let be successful? I mean I do not know. That would be a weird persecution.

Anyway I suspect that in heaven, people get to help create real creatures with personalities and lands and stuff like earth.  Because Jesus helped make earth.  So I bet it is like that. I mean there are probably smart people who create all these eco systems that they figure out and predict, etc.  And God manages all of it.

Anyway it could be hours before I get good news about that ad.  And it is the last one. Why can't this be easy. But I should not complain because last time I was getting upset because I could not download the video but then the canva video turned out cuter than I expected.

Well, thanks for being my friend, everyone. We have sure had a good time, haven't we. I mean honestly, sometimes not.  Well, that is all.  Ravneet, can you please talk to me a lot on my train trip. Thanks.

 Hello everyone, this is Refried. It is Sunday, March 15. I just attended church online. It was great, way to go. I am sharing some videos on my instagram page. It is going well. 

I have five hours now before bible study. Maybe I should take a walk. I will also call my friend Philip. Also I should figure out something about mailing books this week.  I have to go downtown and actually my time is limited to go to the post office etc. But maybe get up early tomorrow, I mean maybe skip meds tonight and go at 9 am.  What do you gice think about that. I think that is a good idea.

I think that is what I will do. Right now I am checking the bank account I used for group therapy. I think I have to end it but I should have called during the week this past week.

Gice I keep thinking that things are getting better but I am not sure they are. But anyway what do you gice think about the conspiracy's choices.  I personally am still skeptical about whether it was the best route. I am just not sure. I think possibly some fighting would have been avoided if I was accepted in 2012.

But I do not know. Maybe some of it was other people's participation in the conspiracy.  Today I prayed for Mongolia.  I think my videos should be able to reach them but they probably won't. But I do like India.

Do you gice like my books. I am just tired of other people stumbling upon a few of my ideas fifteen years later than me and having whole careers out of it with the threat to call me a plagiarist.

But it will probably work out and some writers understand my condition. And this is earth and some people are in concentration camps. And for me, I had a joke or two copied but have jelly beans and coffee.

Anyway I did not mean to depress anyone but  are you sure you are doing what you are supposed to when this stuff is happening? 

Anyway this morning I had a dream where I played the Growing Pains theme on the piano.  That is weird isn't it. I think supernatural stuff will happen from the conservatives but it wont be conversion therapy. 

Well, that is all everyone, have a good day.

 Hello everyone, this is Refried. It is 3 am on Sunday, March 15.  Soon I will take my medicine.  I think that soon I might be allowed to skip the latuda and only take one mg rispderal and 600 trileptal.  I do not know why housing hurt my life on purpose.  I just don't understand.

But anyway I am tired now. I just need to take the medicine and eat a granola bar and then go to sleep.  But I can stay up late if I want to.  I am starting to feel some fears about my trip but it will be okay.

I mean it is just a train ride like normal. I will pack one bag and I won't take that much with me, maybe literally one change of clothes. And then a grocery store bag for if I get food at the train station.

I mean in a way it might be fun. I am taking a trip. That is fun. It is just not that easy because I also need to email the social work people and it is possible that there will be a snafu.  So maybe email all the certificates to myself in case I have to use a different computer.  I could do that now.

So okay I will do that.  Gice I am going to try to give more books away. I am at about 150 for the year so far. That is good and I might hit 500 total at that rate.

Gice I hope my life changes soon and things get better in a certain way that includes income.  But I do not know if that is the plan.  I just don't know what will happen but I do sometimes feel like I might have gotten most of my stuff done. And yet there could be a whole year of mice videos ahead of me.

Gice do you have any thoughts.

Hello everyone, it is Saturday, March 14. Also known as pi day. I should be praying because I did find a good prayer window with a lot of overlapping people and needs but I got upset about something and was going to come rant on this blog but I actually like those people too. I think I need to think through that some and they might think they have a final word when they don't.

But anyway I decided to get up and type a while. That was fun to do the videos and I will do more but I think something funny is that I expect most of my videos to be very simular to what I already posted. Maybe I can branch out a lot with the mice and have plot scenes that are very specific.

But anyway who doesn't like a glitter bear. That might not get old.  And then blobs. I mean this might be the way to keep blobbing after I started to think I had already imagined all the possible combos.

Ravneet, are you reading this? Hopefully I will be doing better now on less medicine. 

I hope my books sell better soon. I think the idea was to protect the creative process.  

People say why be upset about that and not that. Well I do not know. 

Ok everyone. A lot of people are really having a hard time and have stresses and risks that other people don't have. And a lot of people might go to hell. So okay. Let's pray for people because you just never know when something is going to come from the side and fix that thing that you felt you had a lifelong fight against. 

Ok.  That is all for now everyone. Gice I think my status is the same. Audience is the same. Budget is the same. Gice it was a green light on praying for cash for people. I will do everything I can. Gice I think we are going to get a lot of rewards in heaven. Like almost everyone we can think of is going to get stuff.

I mean am I the only one who wants that? I think some people also want food and shelter. I am like that and did officially ask God to let me opt out of torture and have comfort and food.

So anyway. Gice.  The train trip.  I can do it.  The blob book. Late. It is okay. monday I will mail a few books to people. Then keep some here.

Gice sorry I did not do well today but I kind of did because I made videos.

 Hello everyone, this is Refried. It is Saturday, March 14. My video that I boosted eventually did share, and I shared a glitter bear video, too. So that is cool and I will keep working on that. I think I will keep doing still images on facebook and videos on instagram.  That is a fun hobby. It seems that I have to pay to share but the numbers aren't that bad. I will probably share to India sometimes.

It is taking me too long to get a good rendition of the dark purple blob in the silver maze. I should not have to generate that twenty times for a good one when they are perfectly capable of doing something cute. But it is okay and I can be patient. I posted one that is not perfect and has white stitches that are too reminscient of teeth.  But it is still cute.

I mean I think for one thing, get the idea out there, and then I can do both of those series, the glitter bear tunnels and the blobs. So anyway, I like this technology and agree that it is a gift from God. I mean I almost feel it for me personally, like someone like me who just for some reason never got it going with the art software suddenly can generate a cool rendition of any idea I ever have.  

I am going to try to do some mice videos also. Maybe some squirrels, but I do not know.  Maybe some mice eating supper.

I just need to not be too lonely. I mean maybe I am fine.

Well, have a good day everyone.

 Hello everyone. It is 12:05 am on Saturday. I have an exhausted feeling from making just a few ai videos. There is one that I really like and I boosted the post.  But it is not reaching anyone yet as far as I can tell.  I do not know why but that gives me an unsatisfied feeling.  But I am kind of okay because I at least did boost the post and it says it will finish in three days. I only boosted it for ten dollars a day. That is not much.  But I see no views.  So then I wonder if it is running but I can't tell because it is the conspiracy protecting me. But I feel that it is more likely that facebook is torturing me.  

I think I will do some more blob videos eventually.  I mean maybe soon.

I had a long day.  But it was mostly a good and easy day but without much exercise. I will take medicine around one or two probably.

I think another option for sharing videos is to share the youtube videos on facebook. I do not know why I haven't thought of that.  I have only thought about how I don't know how to share them on youtube.  So maybe I will send around those poem videos sometime. I do not know about the cooking videos. Maybe when it truly feels like no one cares anymore.

I listened to good talks today.  It was nice.  I had a good day. I am just tired. I am kind of mad that nyu didn't confirm canceling my appointment monday.  Because really I need to skip one and I don't have any more money for it. So I will try to figure that out. I just feel like I told them I wanted to skip but they are planning to charge me and I should have notified them today but i notified them Monday.

But anyway what did I eat for dinner today? I remember. I ate potatoes.  Maybe I will have some orange sherbet as well.  I had a good time at the child abuse presentation today. I forgot to ask about emotional abuse.  But it is okay. It is kind of weird. I think they might not have shown the right law.  I mean something was missing. I mean they said the abuse had to cause a risk of death and I just think abuse has a wider range than that.

Anyway I am going to attend one last presentation tomorrow and then I will be done for a while.  I hope my trip goes well. I will try to visit with some friends when I am there.  I really was hoping things would turn around with cash at some point but it seems to not be happening.

The tech conference was really good. I learned a lot and can see why the tech field has done well. I tink people don't need to live in too much fear that they are going to be featured in inappropriate videos agaisnt their will.  But maybe we don't know.

Well, that is all. I think I will find that video and post it myself on facebook.

 Hello everyone, this is Refried. It is Friday the 13th.  I am trying to prepare for inspection. The sink is next and a pan I used for fish sticks. But that is almost all that is left to do. Maybe sweeping.  I talked to Karla, my case manager yesterday.  She got promoted to director of the building. Wow I believe she can do it. It is not that easy but she will be great. She is keeping me as a client.

So I am taking a five minute break and then I will keep cleaning.

I am listening to a podcast. It is great, I did not plan for it in my day but it helps me stay sane in a day that is hard because of inspection plus this mandatory training that I can't be unattentive for.

But let's not freak out. Because I just take the trash out, clean the sink, sweep, and that is about enough.

What about mailing books. Maybe to Flynn. Maybe let some people wait but get some of it done.

But I do not know. Maybe the theology fellas are helping me get stuff done.

Ok break is over everyone.

 Hello everyone, this is Refried. It is 9:23 pm on Thursday. I had such a great day today. I got good sleep, went outside when it was cool, took some books to some nice people, had a good therapy session, watched a good conference and saw a good person from ai rejoicing in the exact great way. I mean that is why God has blessed those people, is because there are people with that attitude in the mix.  Wow, all the people were actually cool, so I am thankful I got to listen to some of it. But the way that guy said this is from the Lord, I mean the main thing is that you just pray for everyone to have that relationship with God like that. 

Anyway, other people said good stuff too. Soon I will see the finale. Gice God is doing a lot of great stuff at this turn of the millenium and he has included so many people and provided foils as well, so you can be blessed for not being a part of stuff if you got left out. And how he loves the 80s children. 

Ok three minutes until the livestream. 

Ok I will revisit this soon.

 Hello everyone, this is Refried. I just took some books to my PCP doctors office. It was not that easy to walk there but it worked out great. So that was five books for them this week. Next time I will try to bring some for the desk people.  I feel like everyone wants a joke book now but don't you gice think a poetry book is cool too? I just think Horizon Cow will always be a book of choice.  I have given away 300 copies plus one hundred each of the books inside it and 100 joke books that use the same jokes. So we are looking at around 600-700 books out there from those jokes. I mean are they that funny, I do not know.

So anyway, okay. It is warm in my apartment but I feel good. I got good sleep last night and this morning.  I saw the sunrise and think I might try to go outside more often to see the sunrise and sunset.

I drank some more sparkling grape juice and some coffee this morning.  Possibly soon will be some more orange sherbert shake. I need to cook some potatoes soon too.  That was actually the main expense and I hope it is worth it. I mean if I am going to spend 30 dollars on potatoes with cheese and sour cream, it is possible I should just order thai food.

So anyway I need to write down that I gave two books to the thai food people. I mean the Joke Books are still a giveaway favorite and yet wow I feel like a certain window has passed. I also kind of question the low quality graphics.  Do you guys have any opinions? Hmm I do not know. Also, should I do a black and white edition and reach more people with giveaways?  It would cost about 10 dollars instead of 20. I do not know if that is worth it. Like full color for just double. Hmm I do not know.

Well anyway, giving books does make me feel better. I need to mail Flynn's books and GSYK. And recieve this next order which wow was not as much as I originally planned. But it has four library and five joke. And then only three horizon cows. I mean honestly I almost just canceled it.

Gice what do you think about my train trip.  It is Wednesday. I hope it goes okay. Life is hard for a lot of people. A train trip isn't that hard for me, I just sit in a seat.  But in a way it is not easy and I wish I was visiting in May.  But it is okay. 

Tonight I have inspection.  Clear floor, do dishes, clear counter, make bed, clear table, tidy, put clothes in cart, probably not laundry this time.  That is not that hard, I can do it.

So okay.  The other news is that I might be regarded as not having capacity to do an advance directive. That is an interesting development.  I just think I do have competency for that and can make a list of very specific health requests.  But anyway that is interesting.

 Hello everyone, this is Refried. It is Thursday, March 12 at 6 am. I just drank some sparkling grape juice and before that I had orange sherbet with milk.  The sherbert was too frozen to mix well but that is okay. 

I put the eggs and milk in the refrigerator.  I think this grocery order was a little bit too expensive but I am glad I have the stuff, like the water, tide, etc.

Last night I felt content after cooling off outside and then getting the groceries and being in the cool trauma class that I am in. It felt like I was in a school program and I wonder if I need to be taking classes like that in these final years. It might give me a sense of purpose.

Maybe do a certificate program or something, or just keep doing those CE credits. I mean I do not know.

Life would feel very different if I had book sales. I do not know why I have to be treated so cruelly in that category.

Facebook is kind of depressing but I think I will stay on it and try to outlast the problems, most of which have been caused deliberately.  How sad that we were all so blessed and things deteriorated.  A lot of people made that choice though.  

Yesterday I missed a talk that I wanted to go to but attended a good class on AI.  Possibly I did not do right because I had to contact the organization about getting my certificates which meant I did not say something nice about the talks but I gave everyone a good evaluation.

I just don't see why they had to delay the certificates. That is frustrating. I might eventually complain.

It is very warm in my room. I will probably go outside when it is a little bit later this morning and the sun is out. I think the sun will not come out for another hour because of daylight savings time. I personally like daylight savings time.

Anyway there are a lot of suffering people out there who now have high gas prices and food might go up again because of that.  Just a lot of people not doing right. But the truth will be told. People's choices and our problems, etc.

Anyway speaking of choices I have low iron. It is because of the pantropazole.  So I really do need to take the iron medicine but it was too hard to get the medicine at Walgreens so I will try again.

I like my doctors and might take them some books later today. Then go to the post office, then maybe get iron from Walgreens. Well, have a good day everyone.

 Gice I got a 100 on my test for neurology.  Yippee, that means I am at 37.5 hours.  Tomorrow I will get my other certificates.  Yay everyone.  I am so thankful. After I studied, I felt that I would probably pass.  And then during the presentation, I could tell that the quiz would be humane.

So that is great, everyone. Sorry I missed three meetings tonight!

 Hello everyone. Today is Tuesday. Soon I will walk to my doctor’s appointment for a follow up about my gallbladder. It is acting up again a little bit because I ate some of those peanut butter and jelly uncrustables recently.

Tonight I am taking a class online and I hope I pass it. I should review the slides again before the session. If I had chosen to go to the presentation on guided imagery I would just be finishing up now. But I think it worked out.

Dr. Talreja reduced my medicine to 20 mg latuda yesterday. I am glad about that and have hope that I can recover some of my health but some damage might last a while. I think I hurt his feelings with my blog posts but that hospital did torture me.

Well, that is all for now.

 Hello everyone, I just studied some slides about the brain and the disease of reward systems involved with addiction. I believe I will be able to learn the material in the class and get a certificate for the CE.

Unfortunately, I am feeling mad as I learn because I can see some of the offensive mistakes in my medicine that have ruined my life at various times.  And the way doctors don't really know that much more than any of us do, and think it is okay when they ignore the more reliable info that we tell them.  Such as, "this medicine is ruining my life." Such as "you have ruined my health permanently and I will never recover."

Anyway, I think I will post about it on facebook soon. I mean in a way I am a broken record by now.  It is the same stuff.  I was fine on 600 mg trileptal and 1 mg risperdal.  Anything else damages exactly the reward system.  The other meds make me hungry because they are torturing my appetite system already, so to comfort it, I eat.  And all psych meds do that, and millions of doctors have given their patients diabetes and don't give a crap and never will.

Also on my mind are the social media problems and the way people found that they were able to ruin our social lives.  And they did. They ruined all kinds of things in our world, and some people were okay with it, because it meant pain for their enemies. So they were hypocrits and did not stand up to it.

Anyway I need to find that article where O.D. the neurologist gave due propers to God and Jesus.  Because frankly he did and now he is very successful. And I think it is a good example that people can use to teach others what due propers looks like.

 Hello everyone, I had another interesting Barnes and Noble dream. It started off where I was with my sister and we were in some chairs and there were people who needed money and I found some ones and fives and gave it to someone who ended up being a friend of mine who I already knew and she went to the parking lot with me and I was worried that she would demand the rest of my money but she didn't, so then I went back in Barnes and Noble and was in the cafe and it was crowded and Judy Hertzell was working there and I bought a frappacino and her book about truth and I said to her and someone else, this reminds me of the valencia frappacinos and the book called The Hours.  The store was crowded and I needed to use the mirror in the bathroom so I went to the back but there was a line so I waited and a lady with a stroller tried to block the door when I left but it was okay. The other interesting thing was that there were all these good looking well dressed sci fi people. Not really like dragon con where some people are in alien costumes but more like fancy arcade like themes and they were just good looking and seemed from a different culture.  And I ended up scanning to see if it was racially diverse and I don't know if it was.

Then soon after that I woke up and almost couldn't remember the dream.  So that is interesting. I think it was mostly a good dream. Then I thought about the trainings soon but I can't go to the extra monday one because I am going to my doctor's appointment. I think it is good that there is time in between these days even though I kind of just want to get it all done.

Was my behavior okay for the OCD. I think it was okay. I just said a few things in the chat and it was all relevant. So anyway I should go outside today a little bit if I can. I think I am caught up on sleep.

Well, that is all, have a good day everyone.

 Hello everyone, this is Refried. Today is Saturday, March 7. I had a dream this morning where I was working at Barnes and Noble and laughed about something and it was funny and I stood up to the boss who most tortured me. There was a visiting manager and I laughed about something and then was wondering if I should do something like blame myself for 500 million deaths in a trial.

So that is interesting. At 10 am I have a presentation to go to and it is about OCD. I am interested in the topic and yet I always kind of haven't been a fan of it in some ways.  But I think I will be able to pay attention and pray for all the people out there with anxiety disorders. Anxiety is rough.  I think I will be a little bit triggered because my mom has an anxiety disorder and gets her relief from controlling me.  And there is a unanimous acceptance of that which I will never understand.  Why everyone thought it was my problem. Like that is what I am here for.

Anyway two nights ago I was praying for forgiveness for my mom and then I prayed another simliar prayer and saw a cobra. I think it represents and enemy being defeated.  And the thing I thought would work would be my mom's pruning shears. Well she prunes the shrubbery when she is mad at me.  So that is interesting. I mean maybe that is the weird teamwork. Because some of the dynamic has always been a resource of some kind. A negotiation on the level of world leaders.

So that is kind of a weird thing to be on my mind.  Another thing is an issue with a conference.  I will have to get that settled on Monday. It will be okay. I am just worried about a certain component of it but I think it will work out okay.

So today hopefully this seminar goes well and I will be at over 30 credits! Then Monday and Tuesday I will hit the total, and Wednesday, Friday, Saturday will finish the deal. I am glad I did some of those other credits. I mean honestly it is tempting to try to do one tomorrow but I am out of cash for it. No more will I pay. I did use almost all that my mom gave me for the classes. That could have bought a lot of books for people but I have enjoyed doing these credits.

Well, that is all for now. I had good food yesterday and still have some leftover for lunch. I think Russia is helping Iran and that is not good news. But this stuff has been brewing for years so I guess this is it. I have said before that eventually people will want the mexicans to be soldiers.  And I think that is happening today at a summit.  Well, have a good day everyone.

 Hello everyone, this is Refried. It is Thursday, March 5 at 2:30 pm.  I slept late today and had a dream where I was trying to get to the airport but was supposed to watch Phantom of the Opera at 12:48 and then I realized it was a.m. and I missed the show but I was glad because I could still get to the airport and then I was driving and then I could not get the gear shift to keep the car in drive and then I was at Carla Murray's childhood home and it was her birthday and there were a lot of boxes of gushers. She was not a child but her mom was there and in charge of the birthday.  Then I woke up and it took me a second to figure out that I don't still have the problem of the driving thing and that it was just a dream. My sister was in the dream, too, and was nice to me. So that is interesting.

I found out on facebook that I don't have much organic reach for the new pages. It probably totals one million for all three of those pages, plus recent jokes page.  And I have thought it might be 5.  But this round of boosts is about 4 million, plus that one million, makes me still be at about 99 million for views.  And if I say "views, likes and shares," then I am at about 110.  And I have said that when I have listed that. I say 100 million views, likes, and shares.  Some people would say, "reaching 100 million people."  But that number is really at about 30 million. Well I think that is great, too. I am happy with those numbers.  It is not good to compare myself to the billions people. It is good to be humble and frankly I truly am content with most of this. I just still feel like there was a weird missing book sales number.

But anyway, today, Bonnie Bridges, who was my 9th grade English teacher, wrote me to say she read my novel.  And her perception of it was awesome, I am so thankful.  And I forgot that I put an English quote from her in the novel.  So that was a surprise for her. And what does it tell you? That God is good.  I mean the way he reached me in that English hall with all those teachers, and journalism class, and yearbook, and newspaper column, I mean it was his work and neat that he would care about a teen like that. I mean he had my whole life in mind and he has been doing that for people since the beginning of time. And I will pass it along to other teens.

And maybe some of the way other people did better than me is a clue of what to hope and pray for from my eventual constituents.  So anyway, that is cool.  I hope the book does well over time, and all the English teachers feel happy.  We had some issues with me and I think some people felt bad, but I wonder if they knew they did well, too. I mean I really had good English teachers.

So anyway, that is cool. That is a great day.  And then yesterday I passed that test.  That was a challenge but I got a 90. That is great for me. The Tuesday test will probably also be a challenge but I believe I can do it if I concentrate. Hopefully my health will hold up. 

 Hello everyone, I passed a test that was not that easy.  And I learned a lot.  I think one of the questions was tricky and why couldn't it be worded the way that matched the chart?  

But it is okay.   I now have 25.5 hours done. But one of those hours doesn't count because it is self study.  So let's see, 3 on Friday, 3 on Saturday, 3 on Monday, 3 on Tuesday, and 3 on Wednesday.  So that will put me at 40 and I will be all set but still be signed up for about three extra sessions.  But that is okay. 

I am learning a lot and it is on my level. So that is good. Next Friday I do the Child Abuse update. After that, I will email the Nysed with my proof of completions and it is going to be okay.

Wow I am glad I got through that quiz just now. It was not that easy. I think it should have been a little bit easier. I told them that on the evaluation. I got a 90 on it, though. So I am thankful for that. There were actually 3 or 4 questions I wasn't sure about.

So anyway, I think I can stay up late tonight but I have inspection tomorrow. Do I have a presentation? I do not think I do.

Wow, that was not that easy. But it was okay. I was able to pay attention and I did learn a lot.

Well, thanks everyone, who has been following along.

Gice is the seminary mad at me? I do not know if they are but sometimes it seems like it and yet wouldn't that be doubtful? And it could be that they are doing it as part of the conspiracy for some reason. 

Well hmm I do not know. But I sent someone a joke book, and I sent a poet teacher a poetry book, and I sent my friend Amy Mostella a library book. The post office questioned me a little bit but I think it is ok.

Well, have a good day, everyone.

 Hello everyone, this is Refried Bean. It is Tuesday, March 3.  At 2 pm I have therapy. Drena is helping me because she knows I am in crisis about the CE credits. But she is also proud of me because I was assertive and proactive.

It is possible that I will go mail a book at about noon but I might wait. I kind of feel content sitting here in my room for a while.

I am in a gender therapy group and they were positive about me going to a conservative event and being honest there.  I appreciated it and had feared that they would not support me even being friends with those people.  But they were supportive, and I think people surprise you sometimes, and as a country we should have already been getting along on this issue. And I think we were about to until the 2020 problems.  It was the politics and election.

I hope Iran gets okay leadership and other middle east places are safe enough from the bombs.  I am not that anti Trump on this issue.  But I also don't know about some of it.

About the CE credits, I am sad to see consistent problems with the social work licensing habits.  The tricky questions, the failure to notify clearly enough about rules, the insinuations that resulting trip ups have an ethical violation quality to them, and then the silencing and isolation meant to force people to respect something not truly respectable. And then some people are successful enough so they support it.  Well I am a little more free and will say some stuff probably. And then it brings back memories of social work school, where I genuinely almost didn't believe it when I encountered those ways. I literally thought it was some kind of psychosis treatment where people did something that made no sense on purpose.

And I can't remember if I already said this, but there are philosophical implications of having a "code of ethics" in the first place.  Because it is conceivable that a profession would adhere to just plain ethics, and that people would generally agree across all boards about what was right and wrong.  But conception might be the issue anyway, mighten it.  Well, that is all, have a good day everyone.

 Hello everyone, today is Mar 2. I am waiting for my therapy group to start at 6 pm. Today I completed 4.5 more CE credits. The presentations were very good. Unfortunately I will not be getting credit for the school social work "course." 

I am at 19.5 credits now. I can do 3 more on video. I think I will do them from TZK instead of NASW. Why? Because I am in the 90s there, which is how it should be when I pay attention to something for one hour and a half and then answer questions about it.

I wish I could do a CE credit tomorrow. I mean maybe do a video.

Well, that is all I will say for now. 

 Hello, this is Refried Bean. I feel upset because there are some implications about just now failing a post test for a social work CE credit.  It frustrated me because I could not check my answers like normal.  And on this test I did something I didn't do for my other tests, which was go back to try to confirm my answers from the video. And I did that because I only had one chance.  So I tried to make sure I wasn't just going by memory.

Well they think they have a system that detects it if you just put the video on in the background.  Well interestingly, I really did pay attention to this, because it is my only video tonight.  So this was it. And I actually could really say a lot about what was in the video.  But it really was boring and horrible.  Just horrible. There was one section that wasn't as bad, when the guy recounted some advocacy campaigns in recent years.  But the rest of it was meaningless flow charts.

And I was like wow I chose a dud, but it is almost over.  I watched it until the end.  However I did check email twice and boosted some ads on facebook.  I doubt that lasted for more than five minutes, and the other videos said you only had to watch 90 percent of the video to take the test.  And I watched a hundred percent of the video.  So then the test had all these bullcrap confusing questions, absolutely confusing on purpose, so I went back to the video to check my answers. And it was hard to find the sections that matched, because it was made like that on purpose. So from their perspective, they caught someone.  Well that is where I said G.D.  Because I absolutely did my due propers, and am being treated like I did something unethical in the social work field, with my license on the line. 

I might have to send them a link to this blog post.  It makes me want to give up on keeping my license. 

Interestingly, I do not even know if my score of 75 was real, because I do not trust them. It also makes me not respect the social work field.  But one of the ethics is to respect and promote social work, but at some point, you have to say, actually, you are the ones with the problem.

 Hello everyone, this is Refried. It is about 1 am on Mar 2. At 10 am I have a social work presentation to go to. I just now watched a video for three hours about advocacy. It was the most boring video I have ever seen in my life.  Then I took a test on it and got five points below passing. And the questions were worded weirdly and so vague.  So I complained.  I think the system might have punished me because I got on facebook and ran ads for my pages during the late part of the video. But I don't think that took more than 5 or 10 minutes, and usually you only have to watch 90 percent of the video.  

So I complained in two places about how I felt it was unfair. I sent an email and left a message.  And it will impact my other participations. Then there is the fact that I have a disability and don't need any bullcrap. It is bullcrap for them to shark you with an automated system.

Now I think I will do a few more videos.