Hello everyone, this is Refried. It is 11 pm on Saturday night. I took my medicine today at about 11 am. That is late but maybe eventually it will fix my sleep schedule.

Today I went to Panera but it was not fun. Possibly because I had just taken my medicine. 

I wish I had a computer here. But I am glad I packed light. That made traveling easier. 

I think I might make some more coffee soon.

I made two new videos I like but the third one is a fail so far and I am out of attempts. Also I really don’t have enough money to boost the new videos. And yet it might not be that much of a different budget.

Tomorrow I am going to lunch with my sister and my friend Hadley. I had stuff to tell Hadley but I forgot it. 

I felt an accusation about not taking good enough care of my mom but I think I have done the best I could. 

My mom needs hip replacement surgery and I hope we can figure that out. Sometimes she is unhelpable. I don’t know who all knows what her problems are. I think some people did observe her try to care for dad. She had a very visible fussing problem.

Anyway I won’t analyze it. I really need to accept that most people will never understand and they will misperceive me in that category of my life. 

That is where my friend Marianne did well though. She just heard one phone message in year 2000 and was like omg what are you going to do, Sarah, that problem is never going to go away. I mean that is pretty amazing. And yet some people will never see it and think I am a bad person.

But I think also some people might have seen it early on and provided for it. And my friend Claire was a mentor.

So anyway like I said I don’t need to go on and on about it. But I feel it right now. I think something triggered it.

like I go towards the fridge and she blocks the fridge, I go to get a glass and she blocks the cabinet, I go to the microwave and she blocks that.

Then the questioning, why that plate, why that bowl, do you need a plastic bag, why don’t you need a plastic bag, I am leaving the cabinet open so you can see what is in the cupboard. It seems like care but it isn’t. It is her thinking my life is hers. She is trying to control my face and arms and feet. Macro meso micro, it is on every level.

But I am ok so far here. I am having an okay time. I need to text some friends. That is usually when the fussing gets out of control is when I start socializing with other people.