Hello everyone, this is Refried. It is Tuesday, July 1. I found out today that one of my friends died. Abbey Metcalf Cooler who was one of my favorite facebook friends. I am not sure but she might not have been happy about my gay behavior. But she was probably the best christian from our high school. I am worried that God took her away because I said God damn about the amtrak people.

But we don't know. He has a lot of reasons for what he does.  I think Abbey's church will help her family. But that is a very sad loss for them. I mean I can't stand it, thinking about it.

So I guess we just be thankful for every day. But I said today I wanted to die and watch people go to hell.  And I said that because I felt pain from my lost writing career.  But it was a bad and intolerable loss.

Something weird was on a youtube page today where I said a comment and no one hit like and I don't know why. 

Tomorrow I am going to the grocery store. I think I might get up early and go to Stop and Shop.  And get things for a corn casserole, a potato casserole, and strawberry pretzel salad. I think I might start cooking normally instead of working around an OTC card so much. 

But I don't know.  I also think I am going to try to get back on one mg risperdal 600 trileptal.  I think this latuda is hurting my life. I do not know why people hurt me but it seemed mandatory.  But it might not be.

Well, have a good day everyone.

 

 Hello everyone, today is July 1. I am feeling my missing career. I think some of it is from announcing a milestone on facebook and few people clicked like. But they supported other recent posts. I mean maybe people feel like I am bragging but personally I don't think I am supposed to have a bunch of secret pages and not tell my friends about an opportunity to support it.

So anyway I mailed a book yesterday and felt the difference between no book sales and even one actual customer, and it really hurts me. I just don't understand. I think people say to be thankful for the writing time but I just can't get over the career loss and being ignored and persecuted. It is really mean.

The books are good enough for anyone and people ruined it. I just wish I had not stayed alive after college. Read ecclesiastes, it backs me up on that. It says some people were better off not being born.

And how sad if the books do reach people but my final words to everyone are that they all ruined my life. To say I'll never get over how much my society hurt me. And it can't be undone by sales later.  And that I was just a pawn in the abusive racist political machine of the dishonest toxic urban liars.