Gice I attended my mean church for a few minutes. It was good. I don't think they discontinued my donation but I asked them to because they tried to mess up my brick donation. And I am disassociating from people who might try to snake me.

I guess today I should take a walk if it is not too hot. I mean this past week was not too hot and I did not walk but I felt good in the air conditioning.

Gice I am so sad about not being able to afford my hobby. I think it is not right for me not to have a budget for it. I might need to ask for donations somewhere. But I actually did mention on facebook that if people wanted to sponsor a post they could.  I mean at some point I have to say that for some reason I am not eligible for money from anyone.  Like people won't give me money except for my mom who forbids christian service. To me that is weird. Like where is my salary, where are the book sales, where are the people who would support my facebook page that is reaching millions.  Are we really going to just shut it down when as a disabled person that is all I can do?

And the other thing is I am starting to feel some rejection and disapproval. Like some people don't like me. For what I ask. I mean facebook did damage our friendships on purpose.  But what have I shared.  Books, a single fundraiser for nami, and some other shared posts from other funny memes.

I mean there seems to me an unspoken agreement that I have done something wrong but I haven't.

Anyway I am starting to feel hopeful about asking a few Greenville people like maybe Grace Church. So I need to maybe write up a letter. Honestly I would like to ask first pres but because my mom is not supportive I think I shouldn't because that is her church. I mean honestly I have to say that as much as that feels satanic to me, I think it is just social impairment from autism. And she has supported me a lot other than that weird permanent constant shame over my christianity, which originated in the same church I was raised in. 

Anyway I need to remember all those hearts on that one share recently. It was almost all hearts. People like me fine. It is just the end of a pay period and I am out of money. It happens to most people.