Pals. I am trying to crack the code on a bible verse. It is the one about God humbling the people who exalt themself and exalting the people who humble themself and I think if I read it and try to apply it then whatever I do is a form of seeking the exaltation.  

So I think the trick is to put my mind on other people who I actually care about, in other countries and our own, and then just feel the sincere prayers form. And then the greed kicks in and I can really send in some requests. Which again is me telling everyone I am praying but for some reason that just became my lifestyle is to pray and say.

But I think part of why that is the life for some reason has to do with God already intervening in my hypocrisy schemes.  I think the mental illness addressed that and now I am a coke machine.

Ok we have discussed this before. I just feel like when I mention the torture it is some kind of attempt to get a cheap admiration of some kind. And yet it is really what I have to say in my normal work life that is already kind of just true in a certain way. Like I'm on the path, it is already established, and I just yap in a certain way. So I talk about whatever is true in my life.  And the torture is one of those subjects.

So I think this feeling of batting into the air, like when you miss the ball and swing and hit nothing, might be something contrived by the torture scenario itself.  Like it's y'all, not me.

But I kind of don't appreciate this whole thing where people insist that I should have chosen certain christian behavior that I chose not to invest in for a reason. I had another project I was working on and had to choose my battles and chose wisely.  But everyone just wastes all that and questions why I am not doing whatever the conservative presbyterians wasted their time on.

I mean is that it? You wanted me to say that? So there is no positive crowd of beneficiaries but instead a small angry mob of elite rejectors? And that's it?

Anyway I had a good time on facebook this weekend. I wish I had gone to toastmasters. I did not realize it was yesterday. I need to make a calendar for myself.

Should I go downtown tomorrow? I need to check the weather.

I guess just keep walking and think of jokes and do the comedy.