Hello everyone. Today is Tuesday, June 30. I felt depressed and medicated this morning, but I am feeling better now and think I will have an okay night preparing for my open mic comedy show tomorrow.  I will use a small piece of paper and I am adding one joke to the evangelical section. It helps me to add a joke each time so I am not bored by my routine.

Some nice people who make demons go away reminded me of themselves and I really appreciate that. I am not really scared, just wishing for more visions.  But sometimes I am scared or bothered and the evil power did attack me about three times recently.  But I am okay right now.

I have two different feelings floating around, one of which is the frustration and emptiness from posting three books without the traction of sales and readership.  No one needs to call it torture, but it is a very sad life experience for me and not anything new.  But there is something else which counteracts it and that is my awareness of how amazing the conspiracy is.  I mean anyone would love to have even one percent of that attention.  And yet there have been combinations of both those things that have been hard to tolerate sometimes.  And there is a taunting teasing factor where my goals get with-held for twenty years as I work hard in front of an audience that seems supportive but watches things not pay off in normal ways.

No need to dwell on it. I just appreciate the creativity a lot but question the waste.  Same as usual.  There is waste.  I don't understand it.  And this fake promise that is still on the table, where there may be pending recognition but I would sometimes trade it all just to be able to call some people names. And how I might research a certain process and send an email listing 90 names of people I have chosen to curse at instead.