Gice what I mean in my next post is that I feel like I got called out of a certain church ministry role and out into the world and one of the main spiritual elements of that was to not care about what the church thought of me.  And I thought that was just for that time, a couple of years in college, but I think actually it has been accumulating for my whole life and may have a finale.  

And sometimes I feel it, the disapproval, seeing people post their families in reaction to anything I share that involves talent or worldly success.  And maybe I should be patient with it, because they have their calling too.  But what I find weird is when I read the letters of Paul and I am like hmm I am not sure that is the track I am on.  But I am really clicking with the Matthew stuff.  I mean I do not know what it means.  Because I think actually for a while I was an Old Testament friend. 

So anyway I could be wrong but I believe I have been on the right track and it is quite something.  I think I can stick up for myself without being weird and arrogant.  But I know I did what I was supposed to.  And there is something else in addition to the ungodliness aspects that I think are an outer shield of some kind.  There is my general messiness.  I mean it is exxagerated, hard to believe, to the pint of disability, the thoughts, the habits, the health, I mean all of it, as a gross person, it is like God did something literary to max out some kind of messiness and I have to say, dirt. I am like Pig Pen from the Peanuts. I mean I am.  And he was always my favorite one.  so I mean who knows. But it is a thing, I mean why not learn from it.

It is also weird if the liberals are not my "field" or "target," but my home base.  Like my mission is to a different population, but God transfered me to an already mostly legitimate liberal side of the church with a hundred million people involved.  Because I think as it happens, you would kind of expect them to be the constituents of some kind. And maybe people figured out that it isn't them, it is their kids, and I am simply a children's book author. Like I tried to be of service and I had a clear calling and complained a lot.

Well sorry about that, truly I apologize. 

So anyway, I can't believe I woke up at noon. I got a lot of sleep.  That is good, but I thought I would be up at about 8 and go downtown. So now I might wait until tomorrow. What am I going to eat today. Apple Jacks.