Hello everyone. I am peacefully sitting in a cafe where I am the only person but the music is pretty bad. But at least it’s not abusive, just bad. I am glad I came here.

So I published a whole bunch of books and am going to pause for a while. I will do cheap copies some other time.

I forgot some names but mostly did okay. It just can’t be about the names and I am so far past the core of the work that should have already reached people.

Maybe I will unpost the blog posts where I say Satan is attacking me but it is like that, it is spiritual and people think this hate is justice and it isn’t. God isn’t happy about it. In the north people like to say how white people don’t see race and of course all these liberal supremacists see it all the time and are saviors, but what they don’t know is that people from the ignorant south see something too, and that is the missing Christianity. Sometimes it is better here, but often it is shameful what people are disregarding and weren’t taught or don’t have a habit of love and patience. Wow my writing and grammar is so bad now. But there is a reason for this decline.

Anyway that is another post and I will probably do a few more today. Maybe I can erase some but it all seems recordable to me.

 Hello everyone, this is Refried. I am at a coffee shop called Bagels and Cream. I just went to Wendy’s earlier and they gave me a “Biggie Bag” that cost five dollars and had three items in it! Chicken nuggets, a baked potato, and a junior bacon cheeseburger!!! I could not believe it. I had a good time and there seemed to also be a lot of happy healthy young people there too. So that was good. Out of the window I saw children fighting on the back of the bus. I think they are all ok and I guess it was their choice.

Today I shared some books on facebook but I haven’t boosted the post. I don’t know if I will any time soon. It is sad how many problems there are and how facebook is ruined. It is hard to believe after all the blessings that happened for people or could have happened. Possibly though that is what gets fought over.

I can see from the next posts that something bothered me yesterday and hurt my perception of everything else. Today another person was mean to me so I can tell everyone at my building hates me now. That was weird like night and day and interestingly the thing that started it was giving someone a taco that I wanted for myself. But I think this is scheduled from the staff and sub mental health conspiracy. I don’t know if people are planning to send me to the hospital soon but I think I am ok if I go to my mental health program.

 Hello everyone, I do not know who is reading this but I feel a bad feeling that is from being attacked by Satan.  It happens sometimes.  Earlier today I felt the holy spirit for several hours.  So that was good. I prayed for people. Tomorrow I go to my mental health program where they will probably make me feel bad.  It seems to be race themed.  And they are getting clients in on it and for each group they get everyone in the group to express dislike for me in some way, either through disagreement, laughing at me, snickering, or other signs of rejection. Clarence is the main one doing it, but about four other workers have always done that stuff to me.  And Antoinette, who is usually nice, did it too the other day.  God was not happy. It was a bad feeling of emptiness in the room.  I felt that was today some when I had to skip the conference. Possibly that bad feeling is what happened today and God is not happy with MTA.  Like maybe it is not just me letting down the epilepsy conference, but God sees MTA withholding their services.  I do not know.  I guess some things will just be material for Judgement Day.  

 Hello everyone, people are being mean to me at my housing building.  It used to only be the staff.  Now it is some residents too.  Amir tried to hurt my reputation even though I gave him a taco. And Manny was mean today which is definitely out of the ordinary.  James was the other one who got mad first.

So I guess it is goodbye soon.  Maybe it means I am moving this year.  My doctor thinks I need a higher level of care.  To me I just need to not be tortured. I suspect a higher level of care means being tortured worse by other people.

God doesn't like it when people are mean to me. I feel his holy spirit recede.  I don't know what people are thinking to do it anyway. Like what is so great to you that you can turn down God being pleased with you?

Anyway I did not know what to do today. I wish I could have gone to the epilepsy conference.  I think in a way this is a clue to not RSVP to anything else and think of myself as out of the game for events.  Like I am homebound now.  That is sad but at least I am still somewhat independent.  Some people can't be homebound in this way because they cant live on their own. 

I don't think it was that clever for the school people to get everyone to hate me for twelve years.  The idea I think is a creative city project where people imitate my old retail environment.  But I think we could have helped more people by not wasting good work.

I have said that before. It is on my mind again because I am sad today and feel injustice. So in my mind it connects all together. Well that is all.  I should probably un RSVP for the disability conference that I was going to go to in June.

 Hello everyone. I might read some of my old poetry books so I can get my mind out of the visuals for the AI art.  It definitely became an obsession and there is such a range of quality in what I ended up with.  The Blob books are cool and I will probably proudly give the Blobtastic book away a lot.  That is if I continue giving away books. I think some people feel really hurt to have not gotten one but I really needed people to speak up and send me an address.  

And what about me? Where's the cash?

Anyway they did a seizure safety presentation today and I needed to hear about it.  But really my condition is the same and Dr. Gokhan helps me with everything and can see my seizure disorder exactly.  Wow the last appointment was so crazy.  I think the next one will be a normal report of no problems.

Well I guess tonight I will google stuff and watch cooking videos.

Gice last time I walked near NYU hospital I had a temporal lobe spell and it was supernatural.  So today could have been really good.  But God is a presbyterian and I guess he ordained for me to miss out.

 Hello everyone. This is Refried. It is 6 pm on April 6. I missed a great conference today. I feel sad and think maybe I should have gotten on the shuttle busses and insisted on being there. But it took me by surprise and I already had spent some of my extra strength because of health, rain, and drowsiness from medicine.  So I came back feeling empty. 

I just think I am at new levels of disability and the doctors know it.  But some of it is laziness from too much Latuda.  And the problem is Latuda at all.  I was happy on one mg Risperdal.

People are happy to throw away my life like this.  It is very similar to my first years of drugged captivity at Barnes and Noble.  I look back and can't believe what people did to me and they are doing it again.

Anyway I just talked to two friends that I am emailing backup files to tomorrow, and it was just the right amount of conversation. So that really worked out well. Thanks Brian and Charlotte.

Outside there is a goose that is sitting in the same place in an unusual way. I think he might be hurt.  I sent a text to Yara who is the director here.  I think that the campus has people who manage the animals.  But I might have to call the wildlife organization if the goose is still there tomorrow. It rained so I think it had water from the grass.

I am feeling mad because of my medicine and missing the conference. 

Well, that is all for this post.

The Bright Side

 The good news is that my blob books got approved.  All three are publishing and I will get the emails soon with the links to order.  I might have money from SSDI that I can use for some samples.  

My posts on facebook are doing okay. For some reason, instead of clicking "like," people visited my profile for that teal blob.  I think that is still good numbers even though the likes are a fourth of the orange fluffy guy I posted.  

The mice picture is doing well in India and I think I am at 17 thousand likes.  That is good and that is my new hobby.   Thanks, facebookers worldwide.  You all saved my life and I will do something nice for you in heaven.

Today I ate a yummy biscuit from Burger King.  It was the third best biscuit I have ever had, and the worker was nice to me.  My coffee was also really good.  I like Burger King coffee.

So let's look on the bright side.  I mean maybe this is a beginning to my new lifestyle of disability. Where I stay home and miss out.  A lot of people have to do that a lot more than I have had to.

I am sad that I probably disappointed the epilepsy people too. I have gotten attention as an unofficial mascot and it has been enough. They have played a lot of games with me. I am sure it would have been fun today. Maybe people think I am a subway brat and should have hopped on the shuttle busses.

But I truly don't like the shuttle busses and it causes me to not feel secure about the route back either. And besides that, it is not fair.  It is not fair to people in the Bronx who have responsibilities.  I will voice my objection to it with actual legal losses and damages.

So sad and disappointed

 Hello everyone, this is Refried. Today is Sunday, April 6. I was supposed to go to an epilepsy conference today and I was looking forward to it.  Working on the blob books distracted me some but mostly I got the sleep I needed.  This morning I woke up, dragging some because of my medicine, but when I got to the train and actually rode the train halfway to the event, it turned out that service was blocked and they were using shuttle busses. Well that doesn't cut the mustard for me.  So I emailed MTA with my second report of missed events.

I am really sad and kind of grumbling about medicine, too, because this is my life now, is missing appearances. I simply can no longer participate.  And I tried to get involved with Mensa and it is a similar story.  I worked hard in life to not be a hermit.  I faced severe social anxiety and made three thousand friends.  And now facebook is taking away my friends and the mental health people are taking away my in-person participation.

There is still hope that I can be on 40 mg Latuda instead of 60 mg but I think they are all going to be in agreement that I should be overmedicated.  And the housing people, who I still haven't publicly called the matching slur, quickly torture me if I adjust the dose myself, which was the secret to my 15 years of historic success.  

I have to at least be thankful that doctors let me have ten years on my old medicine that I had worked out with other doctors.  It went well and I wrote a lot of books and woke up at 7 or 8 every morning.

Now I am one of those noon people, who can't socialize and participate in life.  And there are additional barriers as other parts of society crumble.  Eventually people will call out MTA for their broken contract, their costly discrimination, and their lies and cheating.  And then service will be restored.  They will say, "We don't have money." Well you know where you get money? From people going to their jobs on reliable trains.

 Hello everyone. This is Refried Bean. It is 2 am on April 6. In 8 hours an epilepsy conference starts. I am planning to go there. I need to take my medicine right now. Usually when I think that thought I do go take it. Ok I just took the medicine. It was not fun.  Now I am eating a Kit Kat and I ate a piece of chicken.  That should do it.

So okay, I now have a conundrum about the conference and it is whether to take my new hospital themed children's art book to the conference.  The main presentation is about epilepsy and AI. And I could hand the guy a cute AI book.  But I am not sure he is the person to give the book to, and I think I might not bring the book.  I think I would be torturing myself.  It is kind of thoughtful, and a way to thank them when they sponsored a free expensive conference. I mean maybe it could help their ranking to accept the book.  I am interested in helping in that way.

Hmm.  Maybe I should take the book. I think if I do, I should give it to a FACES person.  That is the organization.  And not give it to the AI speaker.  And I could say, maybe this book can help you guys be on the cutting edge of all hospital care.

Now I have to face whether the book is good enough.  Like could it have been better.  That's the thing about AI is that you are somewhat limited to what it generates.  And you can always try again but at some point you make the call to keep an image.  And then the book you're left with is kind of a crapshoot.

Pretty funny.  I just finished some more books today.  They are blobs.  And in my mind I am thinking of new blob ideas that are cuter.  Like an orange and white blob. That would have been cute.

But I think my book are good for now.  I can switch out images later if I outdo myself.

I think I will have fun sending posts to India, too.  Just to give people some cool content.  They might have AI capabilities from facebook and can do their own.  But I am participating when I can.

Well that is all for this post.  I am going to write another post and I think I will go to sleep at 3 am.

 Hey everyone if you don't like blobs I know some other people who will. Should I go take a walk.  Maybe up to Jacobi. I might wait about an hour and then go but I need to check the weather.

Gice I am very disturbed about our country's problems. Especially the financial dip yesterday but I think we can recover.  A lot of people just go to work and do what they are supposed to every day.

Hey everyone, I think God is letting me recruit for Judgement Day Staff so if you are interested, you need to tell him directly and it will probably happen.

I just now read a verse in John where Jesus was talking about calling out to people in the graves and the people who did good will be resurrected to life and the people who did bad will be resurrected to death.  I mean that is scary like heaven and hell. Because just yesterday I was thinking about how Jesus said Judas was doomed to destruction and to me that makes it seem like annihilation is possible.  

But anyway I do not know and think fundamentalism did go in a bad direction.  However we were mostly persecuted into it. And wow the secular assault has stuff to answer for too.

Okay that is all of that for now.

Gice my internet speed is about to dip.  I think I will do the work for Anne in May.  I am going to try to think of myself as a real worker like a real children's book writer.  It helps me not be as lazy and hopeless.

Well that is all, have a great day everyone.

 Ok everyone, time to think about taking a walk.  Is it raining?  It feels like it is Sunday but tomorrow is Sunday and I am going to an epilepsy conference.  Last time they signaled to the crowd that I was a problem person and the people in front of me freaked out like they needed to do something about it.  That is from the torture case.  Also last time, Jacqueline French asked who had an official temporal lobe epilepsy diagnosis and I raised my hand even though they had all waited to diagnose me.  But she knew that and it is our little joke about ethics.  Because when I applied to an expensive school program I could not have done it without the presentation she gave about conflicts of interests etc.  The issue was other people's investment and things hinging on you.  But for me it ended up not mattering in that context because I was way below the particular school's talent and work levels so I was not accepted.  But I do answer for a conspiracy investment and it is NYU that put that in jeopardy.  

 

Hello everyone, this is Refried. It is about 10:30 on Saturday morning. I might take a walk soon. I am sharing this teal blob on my page and the numbers are low.  I mean it would be so heartwarming if the numbers were good.  But actually the numbers are about the same as the orange guy but people are clicking on my page to see what else is posted.  So maybe it is okay.

I also figured out to restart my art and poetry page and it is going well.  I think that is the solution I was looking for.  But I should send some more jokes around too.

I had some good prayers yesterday but not really enough.  But more prayers than daydreaming so that is better than normal maybe. This morning I had a dream and Ravneet was in it and we were in a different country in a bible study talking about the covenant.  Ok I will say it, I was trying to save her from Russia.

So that is interesting. Sometimes you should not say stuff like that.  

Gice I don't know if I am re-sharing and posting the main christianity posts for Easter.  It could come down to not having enough money. Or it could be that it is a small budget so it doesn't matter that much either way. I mean what, maybe a hundred for the Lamb of God post and not do the other ones.  Or just do lamb and the "Christianity is when" post.

And then where do I do it. I found that Lybia and Algeria do like those posts.  They really do so why leave them out.  Well they have holidays and I have respect. I just frankly do show wisdom sometimes.

so anyway I guess we will see.

 Hello everyone, this is Refried.  I am worried about people being tortured in detention centers right now.  I doubt the Trump people went to much trouble to make sure they have food and shower facilities.  And there are probably children there in rooms with some bad people. 

I might do a post on my mad blog with some reflections. 

I think mostly my role is to pray at this point.  I already did what I could for people and it wasn't much. 

I am turning my attention some to Judgement Day and trying to ask for people to get a lot of rewards.  

Jesus seemed very stern when I imagined him reacting to my forgiveness prayers.  It seemed like he was saying that his teachings were his teachings and it was very clear that he said love your enemies and pray for them.  So I am trying to pray up a layer of that on other people's pain and anger.  Because wow sometimes you just can't until years later.

It is kind of warm in my room. I think April might be a gap month before air conditioning. But I think there are some rules about keeping the building comfortable.

Well have a nice day everyone.  Do you guys know what church I go to? I go to Echo Church Online.

 Hi everyone, it's me again.  I don't know who reads this blog but I really appreciate it.  I should share it on my facebook page again soon, even though it feels like my friends are slipping away. 

Tomorrow I am planning to take a walk in my neighborhood near the hospitals.  It is a different direction than I go to for my mental health program.  I do not know if I will stop for a coffee or drink coffee here.  

I might start running on my treadmill soon and try to see if I can lose ten pounds.  I think I could keep it off and feel better at 186 again.

People are nice to me though and don't bully me that much about not doing so great.

Do you guys like my new picture books? I can't wait until the blob book gets here in the mail.  It might be my favorite book that I have done, even though the poetry books were fun and took a lot of work.

My psych medicine has messed up my attention span and I almost can't read my own books sometimes.  But I think I need to still have faith that other people will be able to read them and enjoy them.

It's weird if I won't be sharing poetry for a while on facebook and it will be all art.  That is how it feels. Isn't that weird? Well I don't know.  If facebook ever automates some pages I might sign up with my old material.  It is good stuff and maybe I could get paid for it.  

Well, that is all for now. I think I will do another blog post soon. 

 

Hello everyone, what do you think about this blob? I am not sure because I think the eyes might be too bulging. But it is cute at first glance.  So okay I just tried to boost a post with a cute AI picture of mice in a church. I am trying to send it to India and some other countries because I haven't sent them any posts lately.  In the end, I pay money for them to get some good content, even though the fun and honor of it definitely is a gift to me.  I am waiting to see if the ad gets approved and I hope it does. I do not know if I will also boost posts on my Unfluencer page.  I might.  I might do more straightforward christian resources like bible verses sometimes.  But I don't know.

Right now I am in my apartment and I feel a little bit less lonely since doing some more facebooking.  It is still somewhat social.  I noticed that some pages I follow have gone off the deep end since I last visited.  But that is just part of the facebook adventure. 

So anyway I am also thinking about how sad I am to not volunteer anymore. I think that the medical people have found me to be at a new level of disability.  But I don't know if that is it.  There could be a social risk that affects other people.

Tonight I am doing some prayer for people in New York, my life, and the conspiracy.  Probably if this ad gets approved, then I will add in the other countries more.  I felt a feeling from sharing the blob on my regular page, too.  But that is kind of slow going.

I do not know how this stuff all appears on instagram.  I am not sure my page for art and poetry shares at all on instagram but it might.  If it does, it shares under the name refriedbeanpoet.

Have you guys visited my AI art sites yet?

 Hello everyone, this is Refried. Today is Friday, April 4, the day MLK got shot. 

Yesterday I went to go see a new friend named Lucy at Staten Island mall.  It was fun and I saw a crowded teen community on the busses on my way home.  I hope all those people are blessed. I could see that a lot of young people work hard in the businesses in shopping centers on Staten Island.  It was neat and different from the Bronx, but I was glad to be home in my neighborhood today.

I thought I did not thank that new friend in a recent book but I did.  So that is good. I got some copies of three new picture books in the mail today.  I am happy with them.  I thought about giving some to the Taco Bell people when I was there, but I am going to have to wait until another time. I hope they are okay. It is hard to know when people want books or not.

So okay, what else.  I am boosting another blob post on facebook. For some reason I skipped one, and for some other reason, I am not adding a link to my new blob book on this one.  I don't know why, but I just felt like sending one more around for "free."

I think soon I will send the striped room post around and provide a link to the blog and my book for sale.  That will be good, I think these pictures could kind of catch on a little bit.

I am sad about the suffering people in our country but possibly there are things about life that millions of people need to learn for themselves, and it isn't the same times where most people felt like they had already cracked the code on civilization. I think humble service is going to be the most key thing, and a lot of people are doing very well with that.

Here is a good sermon everyone: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DYehxsQufks

Hello everyone, this is Refried Bean. I hope you all are doing great. Today is April Fool's Day.  And my mental health program let me know that I am being discharged soon.  It was an April Fool's joke that I was going to have to stay there indefinitely while they tortured everyone.

I gave Jackie and Courtney each a joke book. Vivi wants one but I might have to mail it later after I get more copies.  Thursday I am going to go meet a new friend named Lucy at a mall and give her a copy of Library Book. I will miss a lot of people at my mental health program but I can probably return some day. And maybe be facebook friends with people. But wow I feel sad. I am not going to dwell on it because mostly I am relieved to not have to be tortured. 

The thing they are doing now is getting everyone in each group to show that they don't like me.  That is what Barnes and Noble used to try to do to me in the cafe.

I posted this blue guy in the striped room on facebook but I haven't sent it around yet.  But I will boost it for twenty dollars pretty soon.

I did some other blobs too. It takes time to get the right muppet quality.  I think when I created my new blog for it, my computer got infected with a virus.  So that is too bad. I am getting notifications.

Possibly the reason mental health people started torturing me again is because I haven't picked up my trileptal from CVS. Well I have half a bottle still, and when I went to get my medicine last time they did not give me the trileptal. I knew it was wrong.  

So anyway hopefully it will be okay. I take my medicine every day.  What is scary is when I feel God being mad at these people. I don't know what they are thinking to abuse someone so blatantly.

Anyway I am happy about the Cory Booker news. That is a bright spot for all of us. 

Well have a nice day everyone.