Hello everyone, this is Refried. I really need to take a break from the poems. I am just remembering my opinions and making them rhyme.  So I am going to try to stop now. I think that some people do know how to read rhymes and find the rhythm. I believe most of my poems are readable. But it skips around and changes. So people can think it doesn't do right.  But I think it mostly is okay.

I think I am going a little bit crazy in the cold weather. I mean this is a week on high notice.  And keeping an eye on the south as well.  But a lot of people just played in the snow. The streets were really empty today when I went to McDonalds. I do not know why.

But it was a good outing. I don't seem to be getting much feedback on the poems.  I guess I will read some of them at writing group Monday.

Tomorrow am I going to the Hugh? I think I might not because of the gate being blocked. But maybe I could take the long way around.  I just don't know.

Gice I feel tired because I woke up a little bit earlier today. So I think I only got 6 hours of sleep.  I don't feel good when I take my Latuda.  But I can get through it but it is possible that I start not being able to tolerate it.

I don't feel any gallbladder problems so I think I am okay on that for a while. I am drinking some coffee right now.  I think I might need to read the poems in the book and not as much on the blog.  And then revisit the blog. I believe some people from India will read the poems.

Do you guys think my opinions are out of date? Well that is okay, I did the best I could. It shows that I was not included.

I think I will watch some SNL and not just the music.  That classical orchestra music wears me out a little bit because it is different and I was listening to it during those earlier rhymes. I mean I barely even care about those rhymes anymore.  

I think that I should wait a couple of days before uploading a new edition of the rhymes book.  I think I should let amazon accept the other new rendition and then a few days later do the final.  That will be hard to be patient about but I feel like three approvals in a row is a lot.

Well, that is all. My eyes are tired. I don't mean with sight I just mean like a tired feeling.  I wanted to go downtown tomorrow. Maybe the conspiracy felt that I shouldn't.

 Gice I don't know where these poems are coming from. I jsut start thinking and realize I could make it rhyme.  And I feel kind of tired but mostly normal. So I guess just be happy and thankful. I hope everyone continues to keep power. I mean it is crazy times and there are lots of ways to help people.

I went to McDonalds today and then got some muffins from the coffee shop.  I think I will put three muffins in the freezer.  And eat one more today. And I got some milk that I still haven't put in the refrigerator. So I could eat some cereal.  And I ate a hamburger and am saving two things for tomorrow.

So I think I am all set for about three days.  Then it will be 33 degrees. I only phone a friended one person today but emailed a pal and that is two and then the other two maybe tomorrow if I want to.

I want to go to church tomorrow because they are giving hot chocolate there at 10 am. I want to go so bad but the snow is blocking the gate I use. So I might not be able to. It is okay but I am just a remote person now and yet on that book I had a lot of memberships and felt a little bit greedy like hyper connected.

But that is okay and I am happy with the next rendition of the book. I am waiting for my edits to be approved and then I am sending it in yet again with the five new poems. I just could not stop but possibly I need to plan for a third rhymes book.  

Like maybe force a new document and say that rhymes book is full. It definitely is at about a hundred poems.  So that is great. I wanted to do a book of rhymes and told God that. So maybe this is that.  But wow it hasn't really happened in this same way before.

Honestly I wonder if someone prayed for me. I know my friend Marissa prayed for me because I told her I was terrified of the storm.  And possibly the Mensa bible study people prayed.  I mean I do not know.

So anyway I will try to stop talking about it incessantly.  Do you gice like my poems.  I think they are pretty crazy. I came across like a right winger but maybe left winger too.  What if I called the leftists left wingers and right wingers rightists.  Kind of funny except for all the problems. 

Anyway, that is all for now. Thanks for reading along. I posted that post to India, too and I think a lot of them will like the poems.

 Ok everyone. Now is when the legal sharks want to know who is reading this blog.  And they are going to say that I had help.  But I did have help.  Of course I did.

So anyway, the next issue is to email the backup files to the backup file people. And I was all set but wanted to add my sister. But am I wrong. I just don't know.

So that is interesting. I am glad to end on that nice poem. It turned out just right. I don't feel the same way about the swamp poems.  But I think they are good enough and possibly it is a subject for multiple poems. But I would agree with people who say really there should be one zinger.

I am glad I added the groups I left off. Now people might be expecting names but I am not adding names. I think I included people just right. As usual, earlier renditions have their merits, and there is a case for not keeping adding on.  But I think these new poems are good and I needed to get the early pages right.

I got rid of that re-use of heist.  Really that idea though may need to be redone. Am I wrong? Should I have kept that old rendition?

Hmm, I do not know. I actually am not sure I still have a copy of it but I think it is on the blog.

Now it is 3 am. Time to take medicine. Are people mad at me?

Ok that is all for now. Have a good day everyone. I think I will watch that video.

I mean I can stay up until 4 am if I want to. So that is the next goal is take medicine.

The medicine will make me feel bad for a while.

But at least I am not manic.

I am not taking medicine yet. 

I just feel content to stay up a while.

The book is finished. I think I should not change anything in it.

I think I should stay up, revisit the book to read it, and see if it seems like a good order.

 Well everyone, that was kind of weird, wasn't it. I added those other poems. It was something on my mind and I was reminded of it because I saw some kind of varmit creature but it was like in a swamp and wasn't the other kind of vision.  So I do not know what to think but I prayed for the swamp creatures because maybe redemption is possible since I saw that thing up close. It seemed female and like an amphibian.

So anyway, I think this is right and done now. I think if I think of anything else I won't add it. I guess it is time for medicine and going to sleep. I still kind of feel awake.  I might stay up another hour.  

Gice something that came to mind was shadowlands. That is a real thing.  That is what it is.  And people are going through that all around us at different times.  But I think some people really get in a low cave of doom and have to crawl through infested spaces. So that is what I was getting at.  I said spirit lands twice and it was supposed to be spirit worlds but I needed to rhyme lands. 

Man I just thought of another idea. The idea of being beneath something not above it.

I think I will write that poem too.  In just a little while. 

Do you gice think this is weird. I mean is it the storm or did possibly some ability get integrated with my ideas and this is the new norm and I better churn out some good stuff and go through those worldly monk posts and make every idea rhyme.

Well I do not know. I think this is okay. But the next idea is like 

Ok I just wrote it.

 Hello everyone, this is Refried. It is Friday, Jan 30. I just published a collection of rhymes. Weirdly, it is only my second real poetry book in five years. But I am happy with it. I kept acknowledgements minimal and think I got it right. I do not plan to change anything on it. It reminded me of the junkyard of the angels book for a certain reason.  But I didn't think about those acknowledgements and I am glad I didn't. I thanked my parents in that book and in this book I mentioned two mentors like that.  But I only listed one writers group but then put membership in other groups on that other page.  But what was totally forgotten was all SCBWI affiliations. I do not know why.  I need to think about it some. I am not sure I will fix it. 

Anyway I do not know if people are like wowzers, this is supernatural, but definitely I felt some feelings from that last facebook share. Last night I could not take it anymore and I stopped that ad a little bit early.  But most of the feelings were normal. I just kept thinking of rhymes.  Some people might think I should have waited and thought of more. But I think that is most of what I had percolating.

I slept a lot and am glad I caught up.  I slept about twelve hours.  I had an interesting dream. Maybe I will say the dream in one of these posts. Ok I will say it. I was asking Jacqui Lewis if she likes Matthew Henry's commentary and I told her the part I liked where the disabled guy at the pool of bethsaida says to Jesus, "I have no one to help put me in the water," and Matthew Henry emphasized how he said "I have no one," and how that was a need expressed to Jesus and a need that Jesus helped with.  And we were at some kind of camp and outside there was this stony pit obstacle course like a playground for adults but it was in a park and there were kids and the kids went into this cave and all these animals jumped on them and it was scary but the animals were sweet and cute and then a guy like matt damon was constructing some bridges for the site and we found out that he had done most of it and it was like his hobby to build that stuff and it was neat. It was all these hills and ladders to climb on but there were issues and you couldn't really get where you were trying to go.  

So then I bought ice cream for these little black kids who I felt responsible for and we were on the other side of the park and we were near a subway and I was trying to figure out if they knew how to get to their homes.  But I had a twenty dollar bill and the ice cream only cost about two dollars each.

And interestingly I thought I had a twenty dollar bill this afternoon and was going to tip the pizza driver but I already had spent it because it was two tens.  So I just gave him a joke book.  I think we will see him in heaven.

Anyway that is a cool dream, isn't it.  So I was trying to think about that aspect being part of disability. I always hear that pool story being told as a motivational speech like "Get up and walk," like do the thing you can't do, which interestingly is the opposite of what happened. Like it is cruel to just tell people to do the thing they can't do. But some of that is my reflection on young life and like okay.  I just didn't end up being a speaker for them and I think that was a fumble and was it mine? Possibly.  But I am a writer for young people so possibly that calling worked well and people did good. I think that is it but why didn't I get to give talks but it is fine.

Anyway sorry to throw in a movie star name when there a conspiracy like this but that person did good and was like one of the cool PFR people.  So that is neat.  I think Jacqui did good too and was being an authority.

Well, that is all for now. I will reread the book and think about it.  Remember how I changed that junkyard thing and added someone and feel like it was a good add even though it took away some feeling of typographical peace.  

like it wasn't the same but often i am glad I thanked that person in that category with english teachers.

so anyway SCBWI. Weirdly that is a membership and the other things I listed aren't necessarily and that one might nto even be true.  And yet I did wonder that recently.  I mean I don't know. I just was thinking how those rhymes were from those times. But I have already thanked a lot of people and these were leftover rhymes, so I feel like the people in question were in fact claire and johnny.  and it is johnny's birthday today. Like literally today.

So anyway thanks. They piled the snow so we can't get out of that gate.  So tomorrow I might walk to McDonalds and that hospital store.

Ok everyone have a good night.

Stay safe out there. I should call my mom soon. Maybe I will call her tomorrow. I think she doesn't want to be taken care of like an old person but she does need care and I hope she can live in reality.

 Hello everyone. Today is Jan 29. I just talked to Dr. Talreja. It was nice to talk to him.  He is my psychiatrist. He let me have a phone call appointment instead of in person.  I asked if we could reduce the Latuda again and he said no.  But it is okay. I really thought I was going to go back to one mg risperdal soon but I guess this is my medicine for now.  It is okay.  I feel mostly good, just a little lazy and lower attention span.  But I am able to write a lot and take a walk each day so that is in some ways good enough for me as compared to how it could be.  It could be much worse and is for a lot of people.

I do not know if he knows I missed a dose to be awake for the appointment but I did decide to do that and will take it later. But I have inspection. I wanted to go downtown and visit with some SCBWI people but I can't because I have to be here with a clean apartment.

I think that in about an hour I will walk to the post office.  But I do not know. I guess it depends on whether I can get some packages ready to send. 

I kind of feel bad for not taking the medicine but I kind of feel good because I posted two more rhymes and two memes.  Honestly it was kind of right leaning but that happened because of how I was treated.

Gice I am really lazy. It is because of the latuda.  But I can go to the post office soon. It is okay.

Well have a good day everyone.

Hello everyone, I just made some new ai images.  This one is a leftover. I might revisit it sometime or maybe do some descriptions from my mice books. I think these mice are cute. The eyes are a little bit bulging and they are maybe too focused on the same thing but it is still a really cute image. 

I posted a different one on my art page and definitely I have 6 or 7 images that I can send around sometime if I am able to. My life is kind of easy but it should be a little bit easy because I am disabled.

It is weird when that happens. Definitely I didn't feel that way until this third torture.  I need to describe it on my facebook page.

 

 Hello everyone, this is Refried.  Today is Wednesday. I went to support group earlier and it was good. Surviving mental illness is hard but a lot of people are there for each other and have similar struggles. But it is hard to believe how much people suffer.  

Now it is 9 pm. I am starting to feel lulls like hmm what should I be doing.  I think that is good and I will soon go outside more. Tomorrow morning Dr. T is calling me on the phone. So I hope I remember to turn up the volume on my phone. I mean should I skip a night of sleep, probably that is not necessary. 

Tomorrow should I go downtown to se those SCBI people? I might.  And I have therapy at 3. So that will be nice.  I think the next thing to do is make AI images. People liked the cross that I sent around.

I feel good about that share but I can't afford to do that a lot.  But I think it was worth it for these poems.  I got 200 views and that is good.  I mean think of being in a coffee shop and about 30 or 40 people hear your open mic.  That is a full house.  So I think that many views is good.

So maybe I will do some images tonight, but my internet is slow now. But it is okay. I am glad I have internet.  Ok I might also read some of Blob Mentality again.  Possibly from the beginning this time.  

And prepare a few packages for mailing. I mean I could have already done that. But it is okay, I will get it done. Be aware of valentine's day.

Ok what else. Do I want to make a cake. Hmm maybe not. That sandwich was enough. It was just what I needed. I guess I will have another coffee but that is three coffees, isn't it.

Also laundry and a shower is possible. So I am doing okay. It is okay for me to be okay. A lot of people worked hard for me to be okay and I am going to be okay. And those people want me to be okay.

I need to send Ravneet a message.

 Hello everyone, I went to the deli. It was a good trip and not icy. It was snowy and there was not much risk of falling. There were a few random issues on the walk there, but it is okay. I got out of the way for several people and it was always me but that is okay. I am just glad to get some milk. I mean the stores could be empty, and a million people could have died. 

So anyway, I think Mamdani has done well so far. Way to go Mamdani, you deserved more support.

I should have taken a couple of joke books to the deli people. I just forgot. Also I am not going in person tomorrow to my doctor's appointment.  He is going to call me. I think that is okay.  I mean honestly it is not that bad outside but at 8 am tomorrow it will be 10 degrees and I will have to walk far. But I could have done it but I told them that.

I mean maybe I am being a hermit. I just think we got through this storm pretty well. There is more snow Sunday and then it will probably start melting a little bit. The streets are dry.

So okay, what else. That is all.  The facebook post is doing well. Interestingly the art is what actually shared, though I was trying to share the poems. Well that is okay with me. It is getting a positive response. In fact I wonder if I should do posts like that more often.

What else. That is all.  I ate some corn flakes. Next is to maybe make a cake. Also cook that bacon with some eggs and maybe pancakes. So that is the plan for tonight is breakfast food.

I am glad to stay inside some more.  But was I wrong about the doctor's appointment. I think it is okay. And I just talked to Dr. Talreja just now on the phone. He is not torturing me. I am going to ask to go to 20 mg of Latuda.  I just think I still feel the effects but can feel some of the comfort of sedation, too.  But mostly sedation is never a happy thing.  

Anyway I can tell that it is my job to pray. And other things are other people's jobs and success.  I can kind of see my limits sometimes.  But how God does not have those limits, and how does that play out.  Well I do not know. But anyway, prayers for enemies and bad people, prayers for the Bronx, etc. I am glad to not be too tortured.  Is it weird for my poems to not be more widely read. Well I do not know, it is okay. I am happy to get any readers at all. It is fun, it is the original hobby. And my attitude is good considering how I am sometimes.  Anyway that is all. Thanks for being my friends, everyone. Do you guys feel your rewards accumulating? Because I think God is setting up a cool afterlife and Judgement Day.

Hello everyone, this is Refried. It is 1 pm on Wednesday. I need to go to the store. I will try to do that at 2 pm. I have a doctor's appointment tomorrow morning. It will not be easy to go to it.

I think I am getting about a hundred poetry views per thousand likes, so this image method is only partially effective. But maybe it ws good to share the image. Maybe that is good too, but I was trying to share poems.  However it is okay and at least I am participating. I think I have gotten about 200 blog views for the poems so far and that is not bad.

I do not know if I need to do another thin book or if I should try for an actual collection of all these rhymes from the past couple of years. Probably just another thin book soon, but I am running out of other material. I mean maybe I should write another imaginary animal story.

So I guess right now I will drink some coffee using ice cream as the creamer and then wait until I am more awake and go to that deli.

Well, I appreciate the likes on that share. It helps me a lot and I hope people are blessed.

 Hello everyone, it is midnight. Soon I will see my blog stats and find out if people read my poems.  A lot of people are clicking like on the cross post and I have to suspect that someone told them to. I mean maybe it is the conspiracy.  Which reminds me of my current assignment to read Allie Stuckey's book.  I think it will be worth my time even though I detected some wrongness.

So I will listen to that maybe, and there was something else that I can't remember. Maybe reading Blob Mentality but that is not it. There was something else I needed to work on. I believe it was something online like a video. Ok, one thing is to watch the last None class podcast. That was not cool of me to miss it, but this is my schedule and I am disabled. 

Ok I am remembering some faults and foibles but this poem share is right, I think. I mean I don't know why that had to be the title and the first poem in the list but it is. And it means a troll will call me a hypocrit in the comments and yet I kind of think if people read the poem they might leave me alone.

So anyway, that is weird isn't it. I mean I don't feel anxiety about it but I do have to be a little bit brave and yet it is different than more fearful things. It kind of feels normal. 

Today's lesson is try to help the mentally ill because it is so freaking hard and constant and lifelong.

Ok have a great day everyone.

 Hello everyone, this is Refried. I shared some poems on facebook and it is going well. It is now 10 pm on Tuesday. At one of my churches, my pastor's son has been in the hospital. I think it is something bad like E coli or another bacteria. So I will pray for everyone but I prayed yesterday a lot. I prayed some good prayers for everyone. But I can pray again and do the best I can.  

When I go to my nice groups online I can feel a battle against those people happening with me as a pawn. But I think I am mostly able to contain it and do right. But that is good to know that we can be weaponized against people. Don't think it won't be you.

Don't think, "Good thing I didn't go to church, or I would be like the wrong evangelicals." You don't know how much people did what they were supposed to.  And most of all, how much Obama's successful presidency took the whole nation. It just absolutely did, but that was not good enough for you. That is where I am stopping the rant. People have heard enough of my opinion from a vantage point that they think does not matter. Well that is their choice.   It becomes their hypocrisy which for some reason is okay.

So anyway, it is so cold outside and some people are out there working and traveling. But there is probably a reason why I am a hermit at this time. Tomorrow I am probably going to walk to the store and see if there is a milk and a sandwich.  There might be a food shortage but I think I am okay for a while. 

Should I make a cake tonight? I think I will if I have a dish for it. 

Do you guys like my poems? I think they are good. I do say when people are still my people because they are.  But I liked Marla's post and am a true follower of the blog and not a troll. I think one thing that is needed is for people to tell the truth from whatever philosophical post that they landed at.

I questioned sending around that cross image but it is going well and felt right. It was really the only image that seemed right to me.  So that is weird.

Anyway I guess I will be a christian author but to me it is "christian secular." I believe many people deserved that, and our time period might be the most prolific artistic period in history. I am not saying that to promote myself, but I am saying that the Onion newspaper is not really an anamole and every genre has its genius on that level. And we live in the 2020s.  Ok that is another poem.  The 2020s, like vision.

 Hello everyone, I just got some good emails. I was late to sign up for something and did not invite the relevant people.  So then I just had to send a message to my friend and she is at an airport right now. 

Wow I will pray for her because my gosh it is icy! I guess some people do work harder than me and fly places.  And they know that.  So okay. I did not do great. And I told the book group leader that I was stumped, when maybe it is not that stumpy to invite a friend. Like what is the conundrum.  To invite Sophfronia.  But I felt like it was the same thing as me questioning if I could go to the first event. We are all writers and peers.  And yet it was kind of an obvious include, like Sophfronia likes the book Jane Eyre. So what was the issue, that she had already read Jane Eyre? That she should be leading a group like that? I mean I do not know.  But I procrastinated because I could not decide if I could go and felt I could not read.

Kind of comical is that it will be apparent when the group starts, why I questioned it.  I wonder if I should have invited my book club friends.  Hmm.  I think they would like it.  But they have a book club.  I am talking about people like Haley G, Rebecca, and those pals.

Well hmm I do not know. This goes back to how I am not an ace.  And yet it seems like my circumstances are saying it is time to be an ace. Well I just do not know if I can do that.

I tried to build a snow fort and it did not go that well.  But I did sit down in the snow.

Now it is 5 pm. At 6 I have group therapy.  Then I have writing group and will try to write two poems. I hope I can do it, I think I can. Are people mad at me for my poem I wrote. Do they think I am stupid. Well I said what I really meant. 

Gice I like that new Saturday Night Live actress, I think she is hilarious and cool.  So that is good. I am glad to mostly be a fan of SNL, I felt left out before. 

Ok I jsut got a message. Ok I figured out why I hesitated, is because I htought Sophfronia might like to lead a Jane Eye group herself.  And I could not crack the code.  So anyway I guess I am a weirdo. 

Gice are the mensa people mad at me. Did I get on people's nerves. Well I had a good time today at the meeting and did the best I could.

Have a good day everyone.

 Well everyone, I am writing at middle school level but that is how things turned out. I think my poem is good. It is hard to say I still have loyalties but I do. And when those loyalties are gone then I will write that poem. There is privilege in feeling free to tear up your country.

Also when people treat me like a hypocrit I know it is them.

So anyway I hope some people like my poem. I read some of Library Book and it was great. The poems are cool. I think some people who don't read might not like the poems. But they are good and should have had an audience.

Does anyone have any thoughts? I just feel that I said what I felt was true and weirdly the wording problems kind of add meaning. Isn't that interesting? I think it is. 

Now it is about 11 pm.

Gice I'm actually not affiliated with the linemen and ambulance drivers. I am more of a coffee shop bookstore rat. And now disabled and dependent.  But I still felt I would answer that other poem and people's problem, the relentless representation battle where people pick a loser and say "this is you."

That could be a poem too.

And what is that other poem I was going to write, I need to find the email.

It is about it not being too late to start over. So okay I will find that poem.

 Hello everyone, this is Refried. It is 8:30 Sunday night.  I just went to my online bible study. It was great and I feel less scared now. I mean it is weird if my fear was supernatural because really I felt like it wasn't a supernatural ominous scary feeling like something bad would happen.  That wasn't it.  But it was a lot of fear about a whole week, like I can't just be scared for a whole week.  But I think this is it, is the snow and sleet tonight, and then it will all freeze and stay the same. So the issue is really if people need to get to the hospital or something. And I think mostly that will be okay.  That is not the same as a whole city with no heat during freezing temperatures. And I think most places are okay on that one.  And the ones that aren't will get through it and help each other and learn for the future. 

Something I am aware of during these crazy times that have now lasted about 7 years, is that all these dangers and survivals might be an important part of young people's permanent outlooks and preparation for the future. I mean like spiritually, they are learning to ask God for stuff and things like having hope etc. I could word it better, but I just think a lot of it is about them, and things will be different in the future in various ways. Maybe there will be a lot of opportunities for them to help others, and now is when they decide that they want to be the hero, the grocery store worker, the soldier, the hospital people, the community service people, the people helping homeless people, and stuff like that. 

And maybe for others of us in different generations, it is just not too late to not be selfish.  Or in my case, I am mostly dependent and just accumulate thankfulness as people earn rewards in heaven by being merciful to me.

Anyway, that is weird. This post is a step up from some of my other posts, isn't it.  Well I am thankful to be okay.  We are now down to a nine hour time span before daylight and not 12 like it was just a couple of hours ago.

Well, have a good day everyone.

 Hello everyone, this is Refried. Today is Sunday, Jan 25. It is snowing a a lot outside. I hope we do not lose power. Sometimes I feel terrified about it.

It is really all that is on my mind. I think I need to watch some videos about other things. It is about 3 pm. I think tonight will be the main night where we find out if we will be okay. It will be dark at 5 pm.  Then overnight we will see if we are okay.  I guess it will snow some tomorrow too so stuff could still happen. I saw some cars driving and I hope they will be okay. Who knows, maybe they are firemen and cops.

NYC gets snow and cold weather a lot so maybe they are prepared. I feel able to trust God. I am not praying that much but maybe I can sometimes. 

For the rest of the week it will be about 20 degrees. Honestly that could be worse. I think repair people can get through that and get overtime pay or something.  Though I still find that heroic. I do not like being that cold.  At the same time, I did go outside a lot at that temperature during my early years here in NYC.

I am thankful for the blessings in my life. I had a mostly happy life even though people ruined some of the main good stuff. There were also people in place to help me stay alive.

Well maybe I will read through some books and see how I feel.  Let's make a list: read through books, cook chicken, watch videos, maybe a phone a friend, second and third coffees, laundry. Okay I think that is a good idea. Maybe tonight, do a load of laundry.  That will keep my mind off stuff for about two hours.

I think tomorrow I am going to send my therapist a message and tell her I am scared. But I am okay.

Well, have a good day everyone.

 Hello everyone, this is Refried. Today is Saturday, Jan 24. I went to a meeting online and it was mostly fun. I did not do perfect and might have talked too much but I didn't really realize it.

I mean maybe I really didn't do well. I do not know. I think it is okay. Maybe it is a professional association and not a support group. 

Now it is time for a snow storm. I did not go get food. I think the milk will last a while and then I can use ice cream for the coffee. 

Last night I had a dream that I was going to a mental health event and we were supposed to bring a flavored powder to mix with milk and it would make ice cream but I put a container of orange sherbert in my backpack and then there was kind of an obstacle course to get in the building and it was too hard but I didn't want to complain but I finally did say that it was too hard to get in the building.  Part of the event was a presentation about the musical called Cats and someone sang "memory."

So that is nice. At the beginning of the dream I was in my apartment and found someone in my bathroom and then it turned out that my apartment was in the mental hospital and it was way too crowded like almost a concert crowd of patients. 

So that is interesting. I am glad I caught up on sleep. 

Ups and downs live and learn. One of my friends hasn't talked to me lately and I am worried that something bothered them which is that I sent a card and it didn't get there. I do not know why it did not get there and I should try again but it is hard for me to do that stuff. It is hard for me to do anything.

I think it is because of my psych medicine.  I think I thought I was back to normal and I am not. 

Possibly the issue with group is they think I know I am okay and discovered and I should have given other people more consideration but I actually don't know that I am all set. I feel very much like failure status.

I mean honestly it could be worst of both worlds. Like possibly I only get fame level hate and no fans.

So that is weird.  I thought of some comedy material but I just don't have the money for another class. I can't keep asking my mom for money. I just can't. I have to at some time just be poor.  

Well, that is all everyone. Have a good day.

 Hello everyone, this is Refried. It is Friday, Jan 23. I just got home from going to 86th street to get my rent check. It went really well and I got some yummy food to take home, too. I basically stayed awake until this morning and skipped a dose of medicine. I feel good.  Later I will take the medicine and maybe go to sleep earlier than normal. I was glad to rest and think for a while. I felt better when I cracked the code and realized I should skip a dose of medicine.  So far there is no sign of torture from the housing people and I have the rent check to turn in any time.

People helped me figure out that I needed to go today. I mean I still have some time and could go get some food for the snow storm but I think I am okay. I have bacon and eggs for today, and I can eat rice and soup during the storm. And I have chicken I could thaw and cook. I could make peanut butter chicken. I think that is what I will do but I do not have honey but I can use sugar to sweeten it. 

I think it is good that people are taking this storm seriously. It is a sign of respect for God.

I wanted to get some sparkling grape juice but the store seemed too crowded. And I thought about staying at Panera for a while but decided to get home as soon as I could. I just feel safe inside my apartment and am kind of a hermit sometimes.

I could go to the post office in a while.  But it is not urgent. But I could mail Josh and Holly's books. I guess for now I will see if there are weather videos online.

Well have a good day everyone.

 Hello everyone, it is 1 am on Friday, Jan 23. Tomorrow I need to go to the bank at 86th street and get my check for rent.  I can do it. It won't be easy but I can do it. I think I won't pressure myself and I will try to leave at 1 pm. That will put me on a crowded train on the way back, but I really need to do this tomorrow. 

I mean should I wake up earlier and go at 11 am instead? It is just hard for me to do that but maybe I could. In fact, maybe that is what I will plan on.  So I will take my medicine at 3 am, go to sleep at 4 am, and wake up at 10 am.  I can do it. I will set my alarm.  It is not easy. But just like I did inspection, I can go get the check.  It is okay.

Wow, next week is going to be cold.  I hope people are okay in the south. The ice will last a long time after the storm.  I think the stores ran out of stuff.

My friend said that a student asked where they could get water, but I am wondering why they don't have clean water. I mean I don't have drinkable water here at my apartment, and I didn't at my last apartment in New York.  What happened to the civilization that had running water?

Anyway, I just made coffee. Should I drink any coffee, I do not know. I mean maybe just go to sleep soon. What if I took my medicine at 1:30.  But I think I will watch that video and stay up for a while. I can still get up to get the rent check. I can feel how it is possible tomorrow and wasn't possible today.

I wonder if there is a weather channel online.  I wonder if I should start watching TV. Maybe in my new life with Ravneet, I will watch TV.  Ravneet is asleep right now. I did not talk to her enough yesterday.

Well, does anyone have any thoughts? Do you gice think I messed up with the names on my book redo? I just felt like people did want that.  I mean am I wrong? It might be a mess.  I think I will watch some more of the video from the class I keep missing.

 Hello everyone, this is Refried. I just made bacon and eggs and the bacon was some of the best ever.  I tried cutting it into smaller pieces this time and I really want to travel around the nation telling people to cut up their bacon first and it will be easier to cook.  Why don't people know that? I mean it makes such a difference. Anyway, the secret messages are saying that my sister is suffering. I have a message to send her but I don't want to text her at the wrong time.  Probably they are all going to be okay.

There is an ice storm. I hope that the places keep power on for everyone, or maybe some firewood. 

Something weird is that I ate powdered donuts and had it on my face and it was like a reference to VC Andrews books but at a Focus on the Family event.  So that is interesting to me and makes me consider God's story shield that defeats Satan.  I mean what if like in the book of Job where Satan asks to torture Job, what if God lets him have access to the main typewriter sometimes. I mean wow we just have to trust God and do the best we can and look out for each other.

What else should I be doing right now. I think I will watch those videos from Tripp. I still have half of that last one to watch.  And then maybe listen to the song I pledge allegiance to the lamb. It is about my dad.

So that is interesting. What else should I be doing. I just am scared about this storm hitting everyone. I just hope people are okay. My friend who is a teacher said that one of her students called her and needed to know how to get some water. I mean there is so much suffering out there. But we can get through it, everyone. I think an urgent priority is citizenship for the mexicans. To just admit that ICE is a fail and get them to deliver I.D. cards instead.

Well, that is all, everyone, have a good day. Thanks for the conspiracy. I hope there was stuff in it for other people, too, and heaven will be better for all of us.

This is the final word on gay and pray.

 Ok everyone. I just had inspection and it went well.  Karla was nice to me. Also my friend's kid got a car for his birthday. He had heart surgery as a child and I am happy that this happened in his life.

I attended a meeting tonight with one of my writing groups and there was a writer who was a former marine.  And I think one of the ideas is that my pet guinea pigs were in the armed forces.  Dave was a marine, Fred was in the air force, and I don't know if Roger was in the army or navy but I think it was the army. I am reminded to try to support toys for tots.

This brings us to the topic of Focus on the Family, which is an affiliation of that speaker.  I decided to go ahead and feel love towards those people even though I think they did not do right. I think that the church really needed them to be right about being gay and they clung to some wrongness.  And I have even had a hard time seeing why God allowed that in their lives.  Because it is kind of sad. But I think they possibly indulged in an "us and them" temptation.  The love feeling of praying for the lost really became something they could not turn down well enough to face the reality that some of the sinners out there were saints.

To get biblical about it, I will say that I believe that makes them the "homosexual offenders" that Paul references in his letters. The people who chose to please their constituents instead of living according to the truth that some people really are gay. In doing so, they ended up being more gay.  They are forcing the false hetero relationships, and that is in itself, an abomination.

I think that is enough to say about it.  This is the final word.  If people can't see the truth in this, then, well, probably other people will reach them and it will be fine.  I do still defend the religious liberty of the nice Focus on the Family people. I liked their radio show when I was depressed and I think they care about people with family problems, which is a deeper allegiance for me, not to mention the Christianity.

 Hello everyone, this is Refried. It is Thursday, Jan 22. I just did some chores. I put the clothes in the cart, swept and mopped the floor, did most of the dishes, took out the trash, and actually that is all so far. I have thirty minutes left until my meeting and I need to make the bed, wash the last dishes, and wipe the counter. And do the sink. And I think that is enough.  The sink is not that easy, but I can put the medicine in a bag and put it under the counter. But if the sink leaked it would be ruined. So maybe put it somewhere else.

I might eat a pop tart soon and watch a video on youtube. It is a video of the all recipes person cooking casseroles.  I watched some more SNL and it was fun. I think I will send Ravneet a message soon.

Someone online just told me something is not a game.  Well I am kind of tired of people telling me it is not a game if I have a wrong facial expression but it is a game if I get tortured for twelve years after a trial should have already happened. So we will see what is a game and not a game on Judgement Day.

 Hello everyone. I am not able to cook the bacon and eggs yet. I will do that at about 11 pm. So now the goal is to start doing chores for inspection. I can do it. First, the clothes in the cart. Then take out trash. Then mop the floor and do dishes. Then make the bed. Then tidy the clutter. Then clean the sink. That is enough. I could wait an hour and start but I will get some done as soon as I can.

Are people mad at me. We do not know. Soon I will mail books to Holly and Joshua. Some say, hey, you could have done that today. Well no I couldn't have. 

Gice I will pray for all the people and animals in the cold.

Well, have a good day everyone.

 Hello everyone. This is Refried. I am doing okay. I can see my tasks set before me and believe that I can get through it. I could not go downtown for a check today but I have enough time next week hopefully. Inspection is not until 8 pm and I believe I can get all the chores done.  I wasted some pizza crusts but ate the pizza and shared one piece. I am probably successfully going to cook bacon and eggs and be okay with that. I will probably do that at 4 pm.  I could start doing chores at 6 and have enough time.

For the extra chore I will clear the sink of clutter in the bathroom.  Other than that, I need to pick up clothes, make the bed, do dishes, and mop the floor.  It will be okay.

My skin problems are okay and will be gone in about a day. That is a problem but it is still because of the latuda which maybe I won't be on if my career suddenly recovers.

I need to mail books to people and make sure that it does not seem like a Valentine's Day present.

Honestly I have to say that this list is still not that easy but I am in a safe range of being okay. 

I should take a walk but I might not be able to today.

Well, that is all. Have a good day.

Hello everyone, this is Refried. Today is inspection. It is making my gallbladder hurt.  I think it is good I did not go get my check. I will cook the bacon and eggs, and hey, maybe pancakes. Right now I am making coffee. Why does my gallbladder hurt. What did I eat recently? Pizza, and that sandwich. 

But I think it is the slight stress from that plagiarism post. I am going to repost it. I unposted it but will post it.  For some reason, that is what is the true thing. We do not know why.

Anyway, there is a poetry reading that I want to go to tonight but can't because of inspection. I mean it is just as well and I could not make the trip at night probably. I mean was the idea that if I went downtown for the check I could go? Well it is at the KGB bar and they know I do not do there. 

However I think that it is weird that the first time I ever had gallbladder problems was when I wanted to go to a reading at the KGB bar.  And then I had gallbladder problems and had to go to the hospital.

So possibly that is hey my gallbladder is hurting. Isn't that weird? I think it is.

Well, the coffee is ready and I am posting that other post. I already got an interesting response from it.

Have a good day everyone.

 Hello everyone, it is 1:36.  Soon I will take my medicine. I just wrote a blog post about plagiarism on my Worldly Monk blog.  I think I got it right. It sounds too personal but I think that was the goal of the conspiracy was to get that effect and people really tried to help out.

Probably I will share that post but I don't know.  Because actually I rarely share the worldly monk posts.  And I have a lot of innocent writers on my feed who might think they are targeted in some way.  But I could be wrong. I also think I have a tamer opinion about it that I will try to share or maybe already did. Something that can help kids.  

Anyway, I think I have OCD about it and maybe some paranoia.  But it is an interesting topic, because really it is such a dirty crime. Like it is so bad when you are trying to be creative, and that is why it is such a juicy sin for the people who want you to fail.  But I think the fact remains that in some way, those people are much dirtier. Their whole gaze on you is false and part of an intent to defame and steal.

That was the extra thing I added to the end.

Now, was the thing about Trump necessary.  I do not know, but I thought of it. The weird thing is that it is actually exactly true according to a literal time frame. 

Anyway. the actual morally urgent thing right now is that I have a pack of bacon and a container of eggs that I need to eat soon, but tomorrow I need to pick up my rent check.  That means going downtown. I just don't know if I can. It is hard for me to do that. And I think I jumbled the new metro card with another metro card. And then the fact that it is so cold and I am not praying diligently for everyone out there. 

I prayed some for the animals but I am finding my prayer life to disappear sometimes. But at least I am okay. I mean I could be in the hospital right now for two weeks and I am okay at home.

Thanks for the support, I really appreciate it.

 Hello, everyone, this is Refried. It is Tuesday, Jan 20. I woke up at about 1:30 today. Then I got some coffee and checked facebook.  I feel that facebook gave too much space for a troll to disparage my post out of only 30 comments when I have gotten thousands of comments that did not show.  I have gotten about 17,000 likes and responses and I feel that they gave my platform to a bully.

But it wasn't that bad, he was speaking his mind, but that was not right. However, there is a conspiracy that knows I can't spend money for a while so maybe they are helping me stop sharing. I mean I could stop these posts and pocket the money but I like the posts and think that people in other countries will like it too. So it is okay for now. There were 200 comments on the other post. I mean in a way I did my thing, it has been cool, but there could be a stopping point for me. I just still feel like there is interest in the posts and they like the art and religion.

So anyway, what else is going on.  I don't think there are any follow up things for me to do other than maybe do the usual agent search. I think maybe I am supposed to look in the christian segments for an agent.  Or maybe not get an agent. That is what I am considering, is go with it on this self publishing, like I made my choice and it needs to be a good option.

Ok, what else. I need to take a walk. So maybe that is what I will do today. But I need to go to the bank and get my rent check soon. I kind of think I am going to do that Thursday.

Well, that is all, thanks everyone.

 Hello everyone, it is 1:08 on Tuesday, Jan 20. It feels like 10 pm but it is much later than that.  Soon I will take my medicine but I might stay up one more hour.  I feel a lot of spiritual and mental feelings. Wow I got so reminded about earlier time periods and it feels like I am still at a conference in Times Square.

I think this year I am going to have to start "playing the dementia card." Because my functioning is not good. I can see something though, which is a view of my life and career and it is fine.  So does that mean I can stop feeling hurt by my left out status. I mean I don't know. 

There is stuff I am not saying. Should I have written it in creative writing group tonight? Well I do not know. But the conspiracy is telling me that something important is happening.  But I feel angst.  And yet I feel that my responsibilities are in order. I mean I do not understand. 

Maybe I will add the extra things to that essay that I was writing.  Earlier I read the Plagiarism collection but still felt some spiritual warfare. I mean I do not know what is going on.  Because honestly I think sometimes when you feel bad feelings then you should just get away from it and not fight it.  Kind of like snakes in the woods.

Am I supposed to be planning to send my mice series somewhere? I do not know.  

Gice I am okay if I did not look good in the DEI photo.  It is not about me. I did the best I can and I am trying to be like the Isaiah suffering servant.  

Gice I like Tiffany Jackson.  Wow you guys really brought it with Camp Opportunity.  That was really creative.  And Camp for Kids.  Thanks a lot, I really appreciate it. That probably means there are other camp counselors too.  That is a fun game.  

 Hello everyone, this is Refried. It is Monday, Jan 19, which is MLK Day. I might order a pizza later. I feel some angst because the conference I went to reminded me of college and I had a mascot dream where I was going to be the mascot at a game but didn't have the correct tights and feet after all.  Then after I woke up, I got a text from my mom telling me to stop listing names on my books and instead say my education more. But she is wrong. I did it right. I feel alone sometimes now in my work, like misperceived and unappreciated.  And yesterday I commented supportingly on someone's facebook post and they were mean to me. I do not know why.  But it really hurts me to have these problems.  And I feel lonely and it was hard to go to the conference.

And did I not do well and won't get an agent, I do not know. I kind of could have gone back but kind of couldn't.  The unpredictable thing was to lose sleep ahead of time.  Although I think I could go next year and have a good time. I would stay there at the same hotel. It was a good deal and that would be great.

Anyway I did meet cool people and maybe I was there for everyone. Maybe we are a gang of writers and illustrators. Interestingly the thing I did feel that makes me happy is the heaven status and reward where we will be in a true storybook lands with characters and cute animals. I felt how these people were my spiritual equals.  I think that is interesting, because that is what I always felt as an evangelical was that these professional participations were where my religion was at its best. And I think the conspiracy knows that.  That those of us had appropriate worldly ambitions with pure hearts and material.

Maybe they figured that out too, like an offering, but I see it as different than a church offering. It is something so clean and happy. And why did that person get hit by a car right before it happened? I don't understand, and I don't know what was on purpose. I mean that is weird. Does anyone else find that weird, that it brought back college memories and was at times square? I mean I do not know.

I just still feel angst and a weird layer of anxiety, and the feeling like something is not right.  

But what is happy. I made a friend. But it wasn't about friend. It was more like colleague. It was more like a fellow professional in the field. Professionals like professors but professionals.  Kind of interesting.  But Karen is my new friend, too.  Karen and Andrea. And I pondered the books. I think I did okay and had appreciation and questioned it and doubted myself but did like the books very much.

I mean another thing was it was an Essence magazine person and I loved shelving that magazine at work.  And it was like that same element of relief. So maybe that is the cool take away. And I should be happy about it but I feel a slight challenge. But people are traveling. Maybe they don't want my prayer. 

Gice I just feel like what was on the table is simular to when I went to that other conference and prayed for purgatory roles and judgement day appointments. And these people get something really amazing beyond their career ambitions here.  And the people not here, to be mindful of them too.

Anyway, maybe people already know that. But is it something on the level of that Bellevue miracle? I do not know, but I might take the red pencil book to North Central Bronx Hospital.

I missed the good nones class and have to now watch the replay later. I think people are wrong to attack the evangelicals. I think they are the one with the problem and there should have already been a reunion of peace and celebration.  

But anyway that Pout Pout Fish book was so cute. Does anyone have any thoughts? 

 Hello everyone, this is Refried. Today is Sunday, Jan 18. I just went to a conference yesterday for the society of Children's book writers and illustrators. It was great. I met really cool people and had a good time. It was weird how sometimes I felt like I could not socialize well but then did meet people. I don't know how I feel about that but mostly I feel happy and gave away three books. I think I should have taken more people's business cards at that table that was set up. Maybe next year I will try to go and leave some cards. I think really this was the year for that and I forgot. This year I still could have printed some at the fed ex office located inside the Grand Marquis Hotel. Wow that was neat.

That was a good experience.  I am sometimes not functioning at a high level but I still think I did the goal which was to participate. However I don't think I will get an agent from this.  But that is okay because I figured out that self publishing needs to work for people and if it is not a viable option then I could consider just not participating in the industry.

Anyway, what else.  There were some really cool authors there and I felt the danger that was dramatic in a good way. I should not say that because the threat is so real and it is not a good thing.  But it was right that it should be represented there and I felt we were all a target together.

I mean it is kind of interesting because we could also all hold each other accountable as possibly threats to children, too.  Like we look out for the kids and there need to be safeguards.  And I mean even ourselves have a shadow side and we have to make sure we don't make those little compromises in our work that can hurt a kid.

So I mean that is kind of crazy to say right now. But I just read my book descriptions and I did sometimes say that I was on the edge of acceptability.

So anyway, I just ate some shrimp and before that had leftover potatoes. Soon I will have another coffee. Should I take a walk for it. Like even to Starbucks in the dark. I think no.  What about 7-11. I think no, make the coffee here. I shoudl pray for everyone's travels, too. Man I should have picked up all those business cards! But I will order Lesley's book.  Called Jezebel.  That sounds cool!

Well, that is all for now. Have a good day, everyone.

 Hello everyone, this is Refried. Today is Jan 15. It is 9:47 pm. I had inspection earlier and Linda was nice to me.  She likes my poems and she was very grateful for the poetry book that I gave her and she shared it with her roommate. So I gave her a joke book as well. It was a nice conversation that we had.  

I have some asthma right now from eating Ritz crackers and peanut butter sauce. I hope it goes way soon because I am kind of tired of it. I think I am going to make some hash brown casserole in a while.

I need to check the children's book schedule and see if I am supposed to be somewhere tomorrow. I think I don't go there until Saturday. It will be fun and I am thankful even though I feel the challenge of it.

I just boosted a post on facebook but I think they messed up some of the specs.  So I might cancel it and do it over. But that is kind of weird. It is hard to be patient to see if it goes through but the page is not showing up on my computer correctly. I think that is not right.

But I am okay. I feel a little bit of a spiritual challenge.  But the main thing today was to get inspection right. And I had a good therapy appointment and walked to the post office. I paid for my PO Box and it was not easy. I drove a customer service person crazy but it was their fault for having a system that makes it hard to maintain payments. I mean it was ridiculous.  But I got it done.

So this was a good day and I am thankful even though the extra space on my credit cards is basically instantly gone.  But I am okay. I just can't boost posts to India right now but I believe it is okay to wait.

Ravneet was sick for several days but I think she is okay.  I have another friend in pain after a surgery and I am starting to feel traumatized after hearing too many stories of botched surgeries in the south. That is such a horrible problem and I don't know what these medical people are thinking to just cut people open and torture them.  I genuinely can't stand it and am horrified. 

Anyway in other news that is actually very happy, my friend who had to raise money for his mom got more than the goal amount.  So that is an awesome surprise. Wow, it is just fantastic. 

I think I will write again later when hopefully I have made a hashbrown casserole and am able to drink another coffee.  At my writer group tonight the leader named Becky read aloud from my book.  Can you believe that?  And she described the unreliable narrator dynamic in such a sweet way.  Thanks everyone for helping me with all this stuff.  Some people agreed that my pen name could change to R.B. Tostada.

Isn't that funny? Like if I started writing suspense novels or something.  

 

Hello everyone, can you believe this rabbit? I can't believe it. Wow I made it on ai so easily and it is one of the best memes yet.  I just love it and will send it around maybe on Valentine's Day. But I don't think I can wait that long. So possibly I will send it around very soon.

Today I sent in an application to run an ad in a magazine for an organization I am in. Hopefully it works out, but I think the idea is that advertising with them could be an option another time for slightly more money without being part of the promotion. I mean I think they thought of it to raise money.  But it is a good opportunity so I sent something in.  But I wish I had remembered the border.

Right now it is 1 am. I am making coffee. I just feel like staying up late even though I am not working on any projects. Tomorrow I have inspection. Linda came and saw my apartment in its pre-inspected state so she could appreciate any real progress I make.  So I am not feeling that tortured.

I did my laundry and it went well.  There is another laundry buddy who tries to do his laundry on Wednesday night and I wonder if I should try to do it on Tuesday instead. We haven't been in each other's way but it is a little more stressful when there is someone else using the machines. But I was considerate like Sassy and only used one dryer.

I wonder if I can do a few chores tonight.  Sweep the floor, do the dishes, take out the trash. That would be great if I could do that but I don't know if I can. 

People have been setting some serious fires here and I am worried that they are going to burn down the building. I wonder if I should put my social security card in my wallet. So I would have most forms of ID. That is always what I try to save out of the building.

Do people want me to pray for them? My prayer life came back on New Years after a rough holidays with a lot of walls and blocks and not being able to pray at all sometimes. I think a lot of other people are praying. I will do what I can later. Does anyone have any opinions about my sleep schedule?

Ravneet was sick this week and I am a little bit worried about her and don't know what to do.

But I also need to make sure I don't get sick at the conference. It is too bad I did not get vaccinated this year but I have been vaccinated a lot before.

I got some heartwarming likes from my friends Rimas and Ralph on a post that I shared because I genuinely thought it was funny. I mean I do not know if there is something I am missing, but to me it was a funny post.  It was about the number 666 and 25.8 being the root of all evil.  I think that is funny. It is a math joke.

Well, that is all for now. I hope the next books get here soon so I can mail some out. They might go fast and if the do then you know what, it means order some more.

 Hello everyone, this is Refried. It is 9:30 on Tuesday night, Jan 13. On the 17, I go to the children's book conference. Just now I went to two zoom meetings. I love zoom meetings and had a good time. But I was kind of wordy with something I said but I think it is okay.

I also made some memes today and got two usables out of it. I feel like sending them around but will try to wait a few days. It kind of messed with me to get a lot that weren't usable.  I also got charged for a regular membership to chat gpt and I don't remember signing up for it.  But maybe I did. 

Today I went to the grocery store and did okay but was sad to see that my OTC card does not pay for meat anymore. I will check the receipt again but I think that I have to pay for it myself now. That is okay and I still got a good deal on what I bought and got a lot of yummy snacks. It is actually hard to believe, how many snacks I got.

For regular food, I got the ingredients for hash brown casserole. I need to get some canned goods. I wonder if I should go back tomorrow and do that.  Like maybe why not do that while it is fresh in my mind and easy.  Hmm, maybe I will but let's also remember that the conference is coming up. So I might need to conserve strength.

I bought five packs of little debbie snacks today. I think the store ordered the star crunch just because of me.  That is so sweet, isn't it.  It is because they are in the conspiracy. At the grocery store, a little kid was scared of me and pointed at me to his mom.

Pretty funny. It was a nice family that did not torture me.  I would like to know if any of my books have sold.  I hope they have and I hope Ravneet made about five thousand dollars this year. But I think it might be zeroes.

Tomorrow I might need to walk to the post office in case there are any packages that have been waiting for me. I don't want the post office people to be mad at me, but I think that some of them might be unpleasable, so I won't worry about it too much.

I just ate some fruit loops. What else should I eat. Maybe another bowl of fruit loops. Maybe a pack of chicken with barbecue sauce. That is what I will do. Cook some chicken. But I put it all in the freezer. So maybe I will thaw it and cook chicken tomorrow.

Well, that is all everyone.  I like my group therapy program. Possibly tomorrow I will call and see if they want to add a trauma group.

 Hello everyone, this is Refried. Today is Tuesday, Jan 13. It is 3:50 pm.  I woke up at 10 am today from a phone call and drank coffee but later took a nap until about 1:30. Then I walked to the grocery store at about 2 pm. It was an okay trip but I rushed to put everything in the cart and did not pack it well. That affected my attitude some but mostly it was a good trip.  I noticed that my OTC insurance card is not covering meat anymore.  However, it still covers coffee which helps a lot.

At the store I bought some little debbie snack cakes and it was a good purchase. It helps me feel better to buy treats in the groceries. I think everyone needs to do that.

I think later I will drink cherry coke and eat salted peanuts. Let's see if my digestion is okay.  Because those other peanuts endued up being questionable.

I will put the coke in a mug. I think I will do that in a few minutes. Then I need to put up the groceries because they are still in the cart. I got some hash browns for hash brown casserole.

I think I should have gotten more canned beans etc but it is okay. I did get tomato sauce that I can use in chili or for pasta.

How do you gice think I did? I think I am right on track. I think for my next trip I will stock up on canned goods like that other time.

Do people miss me on facebook? I do not have any ads running.  It was a busy december and I think people saw it favorably.  But I am trying to save money now. I do not know if I will succeed at that but even one skip can save a lot.

I guess I need to start mailing the books soon but I was going to wait until the other main books got here.

This afternoon I had a dream that my novel got appreciated.  I am thinking about restarting the Poncheesy novel and seeing if I can fix it after all. It will just take work and dedication. Maybe that is what I will work on later tonight.

Gice what do you think about group therapy? I like it but I need to stay on topic. Will I do a trauma group? Maybe. I might but they are probably skipping a week also. Well skipping a week saves money.  So maybe that will help me get back to the right total.

Anyway do you gice have any thoughts?  Hmm I do not know. I thought of something else I need to tell mom for her own sake. I will try to talk to her soon about it. It has to do with stocks.

 Hello everyone, this is Refried. It is Monday, Jan 12 at 3 pm. I took one walk today to Walgreens and bought some cokes. I wish I had also bought some water, but I just couldn't. I washed the dishes a while ago and cooked some eggs.  Before that I ate corn chex and yogurt.  So that is my main meal so far and I think it was a good choice. Later, I will probably make some cheesy rice.

I was going to go to the grocery store, but I think I am going tomorrow.  

A lot of people viewed my blog yesterday, and I really appreciate it. I hope it is real people and not bots, and I hope you all learn a lot of interesting things.

Last night I felt the bad spiritual feeling and had an online appointment with New York Presbyterian.  They let me talk to a nice DO person, which is a kind of doctor that specializes in spiritual things as well as medical.  So that is neat.  That was so thoughtful and the person was so nice and comforting. But you could also tell she felt it was not a game and was willing to also say that it was psychiatric if she had to and send me to the hospital. 

Possibly this will be a set back with reducing medicine but I think I am okay. I just need to be aware of the effects at night.  I have been able to take the medicine earlier now for three days and wake up at about noon.  So within just about a week or so I bet I could be doing an 11-8 sleep schedule again.

Hmm I might need to because of the conference I am going to.  Wow I am going to be tired, I hope I can get there and be okay.

I think I could go ahead and prep Holly and Josh's present but for some reason I was waiting until that next shipment gets here.  I just think that their kids are getting the more floopydoos and horizon cow and maybe not the creature comfort so maybe I should get that mailed before I have OCD about it.

Tonight I have group therapy and I hope it goes well. I think it is good material that my weekend was rough.  It is weird, though, because the individual components of my weekend were all fine.

Well, have a good day, everyone.

 Hello everyone, this is Refried. Thanks for reading that other recent post. I felt like I worked out a lot of stuff in my mind when I wrote it. 

Tonight I went and got some cokes from a local store. They were nice enough to me.  Not overly nice, but nice enough. I did not go get pizza from the other place, or a hamburger from Burger King. I just came home. But I did get a sandwich from that other place and I hope it is good even though I suspect they used the wrong cheese.

It will be okay, though. It is kind of a treat, and for lunch I ate oatmeal. I haven't had a second coffee today, either.

I have three class sets of thin books ready to send along if I find the right people for it.  I might have to wait until there is more acceptance, but I think there are several people who would like these boxes that I compiled.  I feel secure with both the first thin book series and the second thin books series, but I am holding back on the whole third series. I guess I am not ready and might need to reserve those for a mental health scene. I myself might enjoy reading through them sometime.

Ok, what else. The Play Day art book got here and it is okay. But I need to fix those rabbit pictures. I think I will definitely try to do that. The book took me a while to flip through. I actually think very young children would like having this book that looks so much like their parents' books, but is all color pictures of cute things. I think that worked out well. I just wonder when the books will reach people.

I think I am still all set for group therapy. I might still be able to do two groups, but just wait a couple of weeks for the second one if they let me. I think that will be okay.

Well, that is all, I hope everyone has a good evening.

 Hello everyone, this is Refried. Today is Jan 9. I just walked to the post office. My order that was scheduled for today was not there, but a few books had arrived from another order. I am prepping to be able to continue giving away books this year. I felt that I did not invest enough into the book business last year, though maybe some of it was self control.

When I went to Walgreens for some milk, I got some chocolates from a cashier who has now sold me 3 or 4 boxes of chocolates. She is nice and I do not know if she notices how much chocolate that is for one person.  I am reminded of a highlight of the christmas season which was getting the whitman's chocolate and feeling like it was a lot of empty packaging but then seeing that there was another whole layer of chocolates.  So that was fun.  I mean I can translate that into a blessing to pray for people.

What else from today: I saw a cute dog and I was thinking about how I would forgive those people if the dog attacked me.  But I can't stand it that the house repair people are going too slow for my mom.  And that is why I am going to be on a Judgement Day rewards committee.  Because I am aware of how some kinds of absolute martyrdom are tolerable to people while every day slights are almost unforgivable offenses.  Though I will say that sometimes when there are excessive amounts of those slights, it is a sign of deliberate bullying and mistreatment.

Hmm I wonder what would happen if I called APS about the housing repair people. I bet they would not expect that. They would expect a better business bureau report but then get busted for elder abuse.  

Well that is on the table now.  I will try to write a good essay about it and put their name in it for all posterity. And I just now discovered the angle that makes it interesting. Wow, God does take care of us.

Ok I just gave Bella a sprite. Possibly she needed another one for Maureen.

Have a good day everyone.

 Hello everyone, this is Refried. It is 2 am on Wednesday. Tuesday was a good and full day. I felt blessed and got a lot done. I am running ads on facebook and feel some spiritual feelings from it.  Most of it is good but the video feelings are a challenge.  It requires constant prayer I think and I don't know if I can maintain that for three days. 

I think I will be okay though.  I am waiting to find out if my new threefer book will be approved. It is a cute book and I feel happy about it.  They might think something is amiss because I did not try to publish the third book by itself, but for one thing, my internet got used up and is slow now, and for another thing, I want to improve some of the images.  So I hope they like it.  I kind of want to call customer service and ask them to look at it and tell me if they like it.

I ate some macaroni and cheese and I hope it does not aggravate my gallbladder. My treadmill goals aren't happening but I have taken a walk every day for about a month, maybe even a month and a half.

So okay. I talked to Ravneet a little bit today and it was fun. I hope she is doing okay. Her life seems hard to me but I really don't know what she does every single day.

I think I should take my medicine soon. I think I have been taking it at about 2 am very consistently for about a month. I think that is okay although it would be better if I took it at 11.  This makes me more of an internet junkie, too. But my activities are positive, everyone, so no need to suspect me of certain things.

Anyway I felt like writing this post but didn't really have much to say. But I think my other recent posts were somewhat interesting.

Well, that is all for now.  Have a great day everyone.

 Hello everyone, this is Refried. I just went to mail a package and pick up some books I ordered. It was one of my main orders. It is horizon cows and more floopydoos. I figured out that giving the two books together is a nice gift. I think some people will think they got a lesser gift but really I mean it well.

I also got the best fried chicken deal that I have ever gotten at Popeyes.  Just in terms of the cost and value and it hitting the spot.  But I made a mistake to not go give a piece to my friend who was sitting on a bench a quarter of a mile away. It felt too far but I should have done that. I am sorry about that, and maybe some other time if I pass that guy in his usual spot then I will buy him his own chicken meal.

So anyway, my posts are doing well and I think one post is gong to hit a million people. It will be my most far reaching post compared to the cost, and I am thankful for the suffering behind the post which was from someone I was thinking of what I would tell them and then I wrote the post. That wording was not good of that sentence. It is not really one of my resolutions so far this year to improve my grammar habits etc.

Anyway I finished another three part ai book and I think it is really cute. I think people will like it.  There is an issue with part of it which is that I did not move the images far enough down the page so they are too high up, but at least it is consistent within that section.

I still might upload the thin book format of the rabbits book, but I am going to wait until I feel bored.

Have I been working hard? I think this is my job.  A children's book writer. It counts as substantial gainful activity so I can't have any cash.

I hope Ravneet is secretly getting book sales but to my knowledge it is zero.

But this last book is cool. I will try to order some copies.  I think I will order two class sets of thin books, and some of these lower quality threefer books.  They are all really cool in some way.  Blobtastic. Triple Play, Creature Comfort, and Play Day.  Uh Oh I just realized that I repeated the word "Play." Well that is okay. I did the best I could. The books are cool.  There are only four which means maybe there will be a fifth one at some point but I think I have done enough for now.

Well, that is all. Have a great day everyone.

 Hello everyone, this is Refried. Today is Monday, January 5. I went to my first group therapy group tonight at NYU. It was really fun and I met cool people. Hopefully I can stay in the group for a long time and get a refill if the money runs out.

I am also running some posts on my art and jokes page. That page is not as strong as my other page but I like the memes I am running.  Weirdly, I doubted the pink paint splash meme a little bit even though there is nothing to it.  It is a paint splash and says God loves you.  So hopefully that will be fine.  Facebook set the comments low so I am not getting as many comments to answer.  And I should have said stuff to some people instead of just clicking like.  So I actually have some reservations about how I am doing so far with this round of boosts.  The other issue is that a meme I really liked has a Jesus that looks maybe too much like a white guy.  The prompt I used said "cute jesus" and that is what it generated. And it looked okay to me. It is kind of weird if that is the issue because really the meme seemed a little prophetic and was a different risk than normal. Anyway, I think it is okay and I am reacting to the feeling of a few trolls.

I just ate some cheesy rice and it was very yummy.  Then I ate a piece of chocolate and it was only okay.

What is on my to do list for tomorrow? Probably go to the post office. I hope my books get there as ordered.  I think after I changed the wording of the address on the account it has gotten held up a little at the post office a few times. But that might not be it but I hope that is okay because I have two large orders that I am waiting for.

So anyway, the other facebook post is going well but I do not know if there are any book sales. I will do some videos when the books I ordered get here.

I do not know how I feel about the videos.  Facebook made the numbers better for that because they are competing with Tik Tok.  But I think that is their problem is that they are competing too much and not facilitating friendship like they used to.  But all it would take is a little leadership and an adjustment to alogrithms and things might instantly be better one day.

Well, that is all. I will write again in a while after I see how these posts do.

 Hello everyone, this is Refried. Today is Jan 4.  I was going to go play games downtown today but stayed up until 3:30 working on a new book. It is a book of glitter bears in sparkling tunnels.

Some of the bears kind of look cheap in the images but I think it is okay. I freaked out about copyright last night but then saw that my original impression was correct.  A glittery bear is a generic toy already common in the culture and it is okay to name my book what it is.  There is an official product called a glitter bear but the main company had to call them squeezy bears.  So I think it is okay.

If it is not I will change it someday to sparkle bears. Not going to the games thing put me in a low mood and I feel kind of bad about myself. But I am going to walk to Walgreens soon to buy envelopes and that will be good.  I need to leave in about five minutes.

Ravneet sent me some very fun messages to cheer me up and it worked. I am monitoring myself for internet addiction but I believe I am okay. I shared some more posts to India and I believe they liked the posts and it was positive. I can't always hit like on every comment because my computer heats up.

Well, that is all, I hope you all have a great day.

 Hello everyone, this is Refried. I just made some strawberry toaster pastries in the oven.  That only took me about five years to figure out it was possible. It was yummy and I will share with neighbors if they knock on my door at the right time.

I woke up at 2 pm today. My sleep schedule is off. I do not think I will be going to the board game meetup tomorrow. I think they were thoughtful and made it possible for me but I think I am not able to. I will think about it some more and I will also try to register my metro card properly. It might not be worth it to do the discounted rate. 

I am so thankful that I did not lose my insurance. I feel that some case management people made me have to worry about it instead of letting me have the mental reward from turning in my paperwork on time.  That is a value and practice I disagree with in the social work field.  but don't take it from me.  You will hear it in a lecture from Jesus Christ himself in front of all of humanity one day. And you will be wailing in shame.  

My skin is better today but not perfect. But much more normal, so that is about time.  I think that Karla made me feel bad because it is time to go to the doctor's appointment and he might adjust medicine. So they are letting me know they will send me to the hospital through their normal abusive means if I get manic.  I do not respect that practice but it helps me prevent anger if I try to see it as benevolent towards me, or at least intended that way.

I think I will share my escalation article on this blog, maybe with names and maybe not.

 Hello everyone, this is Refried. What do you guys think of my new poem. I think it was a rather ugly thing to say.  But I think it is the thing, like I think I hit on all of it and needed to write it down on my blog.  So that is that. I need to not look back too much and say what happened because good things did happen and I think the idea was that I would be a children's book writer for teens. And it worked and things will be okay.

So block the triggers is the goal, and I should realize that watching snl might have made the algorithms start a bad feed. 

Anyway I just ate some popcorn and coke.  It was great. No one expected me to drink that coke in the back of the fridge but it is awesome.

I found out that I am not losing insurance, so that is good news.  And my SSDI is improved some.

I am a little depressed about my gift giving not going well this christmas.  What is the meaning of that?  I just don't understand.  My card did not get to my friend, I think I saw my unmailed package for someone else still at the post office today, the present for one my my nieces was late, and I am behind on three book mailings.  So that is weird, I guess it is my schedule and medicine problems.

My skin is still not doing well but it could be worse. But this has been like two weeks now and usually it is only a few days of a real issue. 

Soon I will get some books in and start giving them away again.  

Well I am using up my internet service and need to save ten percent for monday.

Have a good day everyone, live and learn, ups and downs, pros and cons.

 Hello everyone, this is Refried. Today is Friday, Jan 2. I missed a meeting at 1 pm but I think it got postponed anyway. Today I had inspection and it was hard to prepare and I lost a lot of sleep.  Then the case manager made my mood drop. I think it was because the sink was too dirty.  But I did everything else pretty well.  And I gave her a box of chocolates for christmas.

I just got a few books that I ordered and didn't realize had not arrived yet.  It was two joke books and a mice book.  I have two people I need to mail to soon.  But I am waiting to go to the grocery store so I can add something for one package. It is taking me way too long because it is cold outside and because I have to get insurance straightened out.  I got good news today which is that my medicare premiums are covered and I will not be losing medicare. So I just need to find out about medicaid and then maybe I can keep healthfirst. That would be the best case scenario.

I ordered some books to give away so I won't feel like my writing career is over. I think I can get another year out of it before I feel like doing an end of the year career clearance sale.

It will be weird if it is wasted on the level that the threat of it is for.  But there are signs of improvement so I will just see what happens.

I might share more poems this year on my poems and jokes page, but I do not know for sure. I question facebook's decision to not let my shares reach my followers, but possibly they have added that reach to the posts from my other pages.

Anyway I drank some water for two days. We will see if I can keep that up. I mean maybe I can go a few weeks like that and get back down to normal weight.  

I am using up internet but I wanted to have some internet left for my group therapy on Monday. I hope it works out okay. 

 Hello everyone, I learned how to make a good sauce for shrimp, chicken, and steak.  You combine mayonnaise, barbeque sauce, soy sauce, and honey.  And it is so yummy. It is similar to yum yum sauce but possibly better. 

I ate some shrimp earlier and then some chocolate.  I think tomorrow I will stock up on water instead of soda and see if that will make me lose five pounds faster. I mean even two weeks without soda might make a difference. I hope to see a difference in two weeks.

Is this blog going to turn into a countdown of pounds. Well I do not know but it is a very journally blog anyway.  Is everyone getting tired of each other online? I do not know. I think we are tired of the news and what the algorithms did to us.

What should I do now. Maybe prepare for inspection.  I took out the trash.  Now I need to do dishes, pick up clothes, clear table, and then I will mostly be ready to do the rest tomorrow morning.  So I will wash dishes in a while. I think I will put the dishes in the sink soon.

I can feel that I did not eat as much today. I can feel it in my mind which means I feel the effect of less sugar but it isn't necessarily making a weight impact yet.  That is tricky, to lose the reward of it before it actually helps you.

But it will be okay.  Who knows if I will actually stick with this but it is something instead of nothing.

 Hello everyone, this is Refried. It is Thursday, January 1. Happy New Years. I haven't figured out resolutions but I decided to start treadmilling today. I moved my treadmill near the plug, which was one of the things that was preventing it before.  And I think I will be treadmilling for about twelve minutes a few times a day. I think I will be motivated.  I might try to limit sodas to one per day or something just to see if I can make a difference. I am really only 5-10 pounds away from being more normal for me personally. I mean really I am not in a good situation but any difference will be good.

So that is nice. I had some dreams last night that motivated me, and it was kind of interesting.  I visited the seminary for something, I went to the Echo church's pastor's house and found sunglasses under a car and my friend from my other church was at the seminary thing i went to. So that is interesting. I woke up motivated to get the treadmill goal going.  Interestingly, a plot in the Echo dream was that I gave my pastor's kid a headache, so I thought I should tithe more.  But I know that is not the thing and I decided to treadmill.  And then I had a mascot dream where I was questioning some mascot traditions and then was questioned myself about something that had to do with the military.  So I also felt motivated to get back in shape after that. I mean maybe why blab all the dreams but that was what did it and I immediately fixed the treadmill set up in my room.

So okay. will it work. I think even building some muscle is good and I have been walking more for about a month. So hopefully I will reverse the losses from last year. 

Anyway I will say again that I think mental health people hurt my health in all ways and caused permanent damage to my life and outlook and advocacy that impacts other people.