Hello, everyone, this is Refried. It is Tuesday, Jan 20. I woke up at about 1:30 today. Then I got some coffee and checked facebook.  I feel that facebook gave too much space for a troll to disparage my post out of only 30 comments when I have gotten thousands of comments that did not show.  I have gotten about 17,000 likes and responses and I feel that they gave my platform to a bully.

But it wasn't that bad, he was speaking his mind, but that was not right. However, there is a conspiracy that knows I can't spend money for a while so maybe they are helping me stop sharing. I mean I could stop these posts and pocket the money but I like the posts and think that people in other countries will like it too. So it is okay for now. There were 200 comments on the other post. I mean in a way I did my thing, it has been cool, but there could be a stopping point for me. I just still feel like there is interest in the posts and they like the art and religion.

So anyway, what else is going on.  I don't think there are any follow up things for me to do other than maybe do the usual agent search. I think maybe I am supposed to look in the christian segments for an agent.  Or maybe not get an agent. That is what I am considering, is go with it on this self publishing, like I made my choice and it needs to be a good option.

Ok, what else. I need to take a walk. So maybe that is what I will do today. But I need to go to the bank and get my rent check soon. I kind of think I am going to do that Thursday.

Well, that is all, thanks everyone.

 Hello everyone, it is 1:08 on Tuesday, Jan 20. It feels like 10 pm but it is much later than that.  Soon I will take my medicine but I might stay up one more hour.  I feel a lot of spiritual and mental feelings. Wow I got so reminded about earlier time periods and it feels like I am still at a conference in Times Square.

I think this year I am going to have to start "playing the dementia card." Because my functioning is not good. I can see something though, which is a view of my life and career and it is fine.  So does that mean I can stop feeling hurt by my left out status. I mean I don't know. 

There is stuff I am not saying. Should I have written it in creative writing group tonight? Well I do not know. But the conspiracy is telling me that something important is happening.  But I feel angst.  And yet I feel that my responsibilities are in order. I mean I do not understand. 

Maybe I will add the extra things to that essay that I was writing.  Earlier I read the Plagiarism collection but still felt some spiritual warfare. I mean I do not know what is going on.  Because honestly I think sometimes when you feel bad feelings then you should just get away from it and not fight it.  Kind of like snakes in the woods.

Am I supposed to be planning to send my mice series somewhere? I do not know.  

Gice I am okay if I did not look good in the DEI photo.  It is not about me. I did the best I can and I am trying to be like the Isaiah suffering servant.  

Gice I like Tiffany Jackson.  Wow you guys really brought it with Camp Opportunity.  That was really creative.  And Camp for Kids.  Thanks a lot, I really appreciate it. That probably means there are other camp counselors too.  That is a fun game.  

 Hello everyone, this is Refried. It is Monday, Jan 19, which is MLK Day. I might order a pizza later. I feel some angst because the conference I went to reminded me of college and I had a mascot dream where I was going to be the mascot at a game but didn't have the correct tights and feet after all.  Then after I woke up, I got a text from my mom telling me to stop listing names on my books and instead say my education more. But she is wrong. I did it right. I feel alone sometimes now in my work, like misperceived and unappreciated.  And yesterday I commented supportingly on someone's facebook post and they were mean to me. I do not know why.  But it really hurts me to have these problems.  And I feel lonely and it was hard to go to the conference.

And did I not do well and won't get an agent, I do not know. I kind of could have gone back but kind of couldn't.  The unpredictable thing was to lose sleep ahead of time.  Although I think I could go next year and have a good time. I would stay there at the same hotel. It was a good deal and that would be great.

Anyway I did meet cool people and maybe I was there for everyone. Maybe we are a gang of writers and illustrators. Interestingly the thing I did feel that makes me happy is the heaven status and reward where we will be in a true storybook lands with characters and cute animals. I felt how these people were my spiritual equals.  I think that is interesting, because that is what I always felt as an evangelical was that these professional participations were where my religion was at its best. And I think the conspiracy knows that.  That those of us had appropriate worldly ambitions with pure hearts and material.

Maybe they figured that out too, like an offering, but I see it as different than a church offering. It is something so clean and happy. And why did that person get hit by a car right before it happened? I don't understand, and I don't know what was on purpose. I mean that is weird. Does anyone else find that weird, that it brought back college memories and was at times square? I mean I do not know.

I just still feel angst and a weird layer of anxiety, and the feeling like something is not right.  

But what is happy. I made a friend. But it wasn't about friend. It was more like colleague. It was more like a fellow professional in the field. Professionals like professors but professionals.  Kind of interesting.  But Karen is my new friend, too.  Karen and Andrea. And I pondered the books. I think I did okay and had appreciation and questioned it and doubted myself but did like the books very much.

I mean another thing was it was an Essence magazine person and I loved shelving that magazine at work.  And it was like that same element of relief. So maybe that is the cool take away. And I should be happy about it but I feel a slight challenge. But people are traveling. Maybe they don't want my prayer. 

Gice I just feel like what was on the table is simular to when I went to that other conference and prayed for purgatory roles and judgement day appointments. And these people get something really amazing beyond their career ambitions here.  And the people not here, to be mindful of them too.

Anyway, maybe people already know that. But is it something on the level of that Bellevue miracle? I do not know, but I might take the red pencil book to North Central Bronx Hospital.

I missed the good nones class and have to now watch the replay later. I think people are wrong to attack the evangelicals. I think they are the one with the problem and there should have already been a reunion of peace and celebration.  

But anyway that Pout Pout Fish book was so cute. Does anyone have any thoughts? 

 Hello everyone, this is Refried. Today is Sunday, Jan 18. I just went to a conference yesterday for the society of Children's book writers and illustrators. It was great. I met really cool people and had a good time. It was weird how sometimes I felt like I could not socialize well but then did meet people. I don't know how I feel about that but mostly I feel happy and gave away three books. I think I should have taken more people's business cards at that table that was set up. Maybe next year I will try to go and leave some cards. I think really this was the year for that and I forgot. This year I still could have printed some at the fed ex office located inside the Grand Marquis Hotel. Wow that was neat.

That was a good experience.  I am sometimes not functioning at a high level but I still think I did the goal which was to participate. However I don't think I will get an agent from this.  But that is okay because I figured out that self publishing needs to work for people and if it is not a viable option then I could consider just not participating in the industry.

Anyway, what else.  There were some really cool authors there and I felt the danger that was dramatic in a good way. I should not say that because the threat is so real and it is not a good thing.  But it was right that it should be represented there and I felt we were all a target together.

I mean it is kind of interesting because we could also all hold each other accountable as possibly threats to children, too.  Like we look out for the kids and there need to be safeguards.  And I mean even ourselves have a shadow side and we have to make sure we don't make those little compromises in our work that can hurt a kid.

So I mean that is kind of crazy to say right now. But I just read my book descriptions and I did sometimes say that I was on the edge of acceptability.

So anyway, I just ate some shrimp and before that had leftover potatoes. Soon I will have another coffee. Should I take a walk for it. Like even to Starbucks in the dark. I think no.  What about 7-11. I think no, make the coffee here. I shoudl pray for everyone's travels, too. Man I should have picked up all those business cards! But I will order Lesley's book.  Called Jezebel.  That sounds cool!

Well, that is all for now. Have a good day, everyone.

 Hello everyone, this is Refried. Today is Jan 15. It is 9:47 pm. I had inspection earlier and Linda was nice to me.  She likes my poems and she was very grateful for the poetry book that I gave her and she shared it with her roommate. So I gave her a joke book as well. It was a nice conversation that we had.  

I have some asthma right now from eating Ritz crackers and peanut butter sauce. I hope it goes way soon because I am kind of tired of it. I think I am going to make some hash brown casserole in a while.

I need to check the children's book schedule and see if I am supposed to be somewhere tomorrow. I think I don't go there until Saturday. It will be fun and I am thankful even though I feel the challenge of it.

I just boosted a post on facebook but I think they messed up some of the specs.  So I might cancel it and do it over. But that is kind of weird. It is hard to be patient to see if it goes through but the page is not showing up on my computer correctly. I think that is not right.

But I am okay. I feel a little bit of a spiritual challenge.  But the main thing today was to get inspection right. And I had a good therapy appointment and walked to the post office. I paid for my PO Box and it was not easy. I drove a customer service person crazy but it was their fault for having a system that makes it hard to maintain payments. I mean it was ridiculous.  But I got it done.

So this was a good day and I am thankful even though the extra space on my credit cards is basically instantly gone.  But I am okay. I just can't boost posts to India right now but I believe it is okay to wait.

Ravneet was sick for several days but I think she is okay.  I have another friend in pain after a surgery and I am starting to feel traumatized after hearing too many stories of botched surgeries in the south. That is such a horrible problem and I don't know what these medical people are thinking to just cut people open and torture them.  I genuinely can't stand it and am horrified. 

Anyway in other news that is actually very happy, my friend who had to raise money for his mom got more than the goal amount.  So that is an awesome surprise. Wow, it is just fantastic. 

I think I will write again later when hopefully I have made a hashbrown casserole and am able to drink another coffee.  At my writer group tonight the leader named Becky read aloud from my book.  Can you believe that?  And she described the unreliable narrator dynamic in such a sweet way.  Thanks everyone for helping me with all this stuff.  Some people agreed that my pen name could change to R.B. Tostada.

Isn't that funny? Like if I started writing suspense novels or something.  

 

Hello everyone, can you believe this rabbit? I can't believe it. Wow I made it on ai so easily and it is one of the best memes yet.  I just love it and will send it around maybe on Valentine's Day. But I don't think I can wait that long. So possibly I will send it around very soon.

Today I sent in an application to run an ad in a magazine for an organization I am in. Hopefully it works out, but I think the idea is that advertising with them could be an option another time for slightly more money without being part of the promotion. I mean I think they thought of it to raise money.  But it is a good opportunity so I sent something in.  But I wish I had remembered the border.

Right now it is 1 am. I am making coffee. I just feel like staying up late even though I am not working on any projects. Tomorrow I have inspection. Linda came and saw my apartment in its pre-inspected state so she could appreciate any real progress I make.  So I am not feeling that tortured.

I did my laundry and it went well.  There is another laundry buddy who tries to do his laundry on Wednesday night and I wonder if I should try to do it on Tuesday instead. We haven't been in each other's way but it is a little more stressful when there is someone else using the machines. But I was considerate like Sassy and only used one dryer.

I wonder if I can do a few chores tonight.  Sweep the floor, do the dishes, take out the trash. That would be great if I could do that but I don't know if I can. 

People have been setting some serious fires here and I am worried that they are going to burn down the building. I wonder if I should put my social security card in my wallet. So I would have most forms of ID. That is always what I try to save out of the building.

Do people want me to pray for them? My prayer life came back on New Years after a rough holidays with a lot of walls and blocks and not being able to pray at all sometimes. I think a lot of other people are praying. I will do what I can later. Does anyone have any opinions about my sleep schedule?

Ravneet was sick this week and I am a little bit worried about her and don't know what to do.

But I also need to make sure I don't get sick at the conference. It is too bad I did not get vaccinated this year but I have been vaccinated a lot before.

I got some heartwarming likes from my friends Rimas and Ralph on a post that I shared because I genuinely thought it was funny. I mean I do not know if there is something I am missing, but to me it was a funny post.  It was about the number 666 and 25.8 being the root of all evil.  I think that is funny. It is a math joke.

Well, that is all for now. I hope the next books get here soon so I can mail some out. They might go fast and if the do then you know what, it means order some more.

 Hello everyone, this is Refried. It is 9:30 on Tuesday night, Jan 13. On the 17, I go to the children's book conference. Just now I went to two zoom meetings. I love zoom meetings and had a good time. But I was kind of wordy with something I said but I think it is okay.

I also made some memes today and got two usables out of it. I feel like sending them around but will try to wait a few days. It kind of messed with me to get a lot that weren't usable.  I also got charged for a regular membership to chat gpt and I don't remember signing up for it.  But maybe I did. 

Today I went to the grocery store and did okay but was sad to see that my OTC card does not pay for meat anymore. I will check the receipt again but I think that I have to pay for it myself now. That is okay and I still got a good deal on what I bought and got a lot of yummy snacks. It is actually hard to believe, how many snacks I got.

For regular food, I got the ingredients for hash brown casserole. I need to get some canned goods. I wonder if I should go back tomorrow and do that.  Like maybe why not do that while it is fresh in my mind and easy.  Hmm, maybe I will but let's also remember that the conference is coming up. So I might need to conserve strength.

I bought five packs of little debbie snacks today. I think the store ordered the star crunch just because of me.  That is so sweet, isn't it.  It is because they are in the conspiracy. At the grocery store, a little kid was scared of me and pointed at me to his mom.

Pretty funny. It was a nice family that did not torture me.  I would like to know if any of my books have sold.  I hope they have and I hope Ravneet made about five thousand dollars this year. But I think it might be zeroes.

Tomorrow I might need to walk to the post office in case there are any packages that have been waiting for me. I don't want the post office people to be mad at me, but I think that some of them might be unpleasable, so I won't worry about it too much.

I just ate some fruit loops. What else should I eat. Maybe another bowl of fruit loops. Maybe a pack of chicken with barbecue sauce. That is what I will do. Cook some chicken. But I put it all in the freezer. So maybe I will thaw it and cook chicken tomorrow.

Well, that is all everyone.  I like my group therapy program. Possibly tomorrow I will call and see if they want to add a trauma group.

 Hello everyone, this is Refried. Today is Tuesday, Jan 13. It is 3:50 pm.  I woke up at 10 am today from a phone call and drank coffee but later took a nap until about 1:30. Then I walked to the grocery store at about 2 pm. It was an okay trip but I rushed to put everything in the cart and did not pack it well. That affected my attitude some but mostly it was a good trip.  I noticed that my OTC insurance card is not covering meat anymore.  However, it still covers coffee which helps a lot.

At the store I bought some little debbie snack cakes and it was a good purchase. It helps me feel better to buy treats in the groceries. I think everyone needs to do that.

I think later I will drink cherry coke and eat salted peanuts. Let's see if my digestion is okay.  Because those other peanuts endued up being questionable.

I will put the coke in a mug. I think I will do that in a few minutes. Then I need to put up the groceries because they are still in the cart. I got some hash browns for hash brown casserole.

I think I should have gotten more canned beans etc but it is okay. I did get tomato sauce that I can use in chili or for pasta.

How do you gice think I did? I think I am right on track. I think for my next trip I will stock up on canned goods like that other time.

Do people miss me on facebook? I do not have any ads running.  It was a busy december and I think people saw it favorably.  But I am trying to save money now. I do not know if I will succeed at that but even one skip can save a lot.

I guess I need to start mailing the books soon but I was going to wait until the other main books got here.

This afternoon I had a dream that my novel got appreciated.  I am thinking about restarting the Poncheesy novel and seeing if I can fix it after all. It will just take work and dedication. Maybe that is what I will work on later tonight.

Gice what do you think about group therapy? I like it but I need to stay on topic. Will I do a trauma group? Maybe. I might but they are probably skipping a week also. Well skipping a week saves money.  So maybe that will help me get back to the right total.

Anyway do you gice have any thoughts?  Hmm I do not know. I thought of something else I need to tell mom for her own sake. I will try to talk to her soon about it. It has to do with stocks.

 Hello everyone, this is Refried. It is Monday, Jan 12 at 3 pm. I took one walk today to Walgreens and bought some cokes. I wish I had also bought some water, but I just couldn't. I washed the dishes a while ago and cooked some eggs.  Before that I ate corn chex and yogurt.  So that is my main meal so far and I think it was a good choice. Later, I will probably make some cheesy rice.

I was going to go to the grocery store, but I think I am going tomorrow.  

A lot of people viewed my blog yesterday, and I really appreciate it. I hope it is real people and not bots, and I hope you all learn a lot of interesting things.

Last night I felt the bad spiritual feeling and had an online appointment with New York Presbyterian.  They let me talk to a nice DO person, which is a kind of doctor that specializes in spiritual things as well as medical.  So that is neat.  That was so thoughtful and the person was so nice and comforting. But you could also tell she felt it was not a game and was willing to also say that it was psychiatric if she had to and send me to the hospital. 

Possibly this will be a set back with reducing medicine but I think I am okay. I just need to be aware of the effects at night.  I have been able to take the medicine earlier now for three days and wake up at about noon.  So within just about a week or so I bet I could be doing an 11-8 sleep schedule again.

Hmm I might need to because of the conference I am going to.  Wow I am going to be tired, I hope I can get there and be okay.

I think I could go ahead and prep Holly and Josh's present but for some reason I was waiting until that next shipment gets here.  I just think that their kids are getting the more floopydoos and horizon cow and maybe not the creature comfort so maybe I should get that mailed before I have OCD about it.

Tonight I have group therapy and I hope it goes well. I think it is good material that my weekend was rough.  It is weird, though, because the individual components of my weekend were all fine.

Well, have a good day, everyone.

 Hello everyone, this is Refried. Thanks for reading that other recent post. I felt like I worked out a lot of stuff in my mind when I wrote it. 

Tonight I went and got some cokes from a local store. They were nice enough to me.  Not overly nice, but nice enough. I did not go get pizza from the other place, or a hamburger from Burger King. I just came home. But I did get a sandwich from that other place and I hope it is good even though I suspect they used the wrong cheese.

It will be okay, though. It is kind of a treat, and for lunch I ate oatmeal. I haven't had a second coffee today, either.

I have three class sets of thin books ready to send along if I find the right people for it.  I might have to wait until there is more acceptance, but I think there are several people who would like these boxes that I compiled.  I feel secure with both the first thin book series and the second thin books series, but I am holding back on the whole third series. I guess I am not ready and might need to reserve those for a mental health scene. I myself might enjoy reading through them sometime.

Ok, what else. The Play Day art book got here and it is okay. But I need to fix those rabbit pictures. I think I will definitely try to do that. The book took me a while to flip through. I actually think very young children would like having this book that looks so much like their parents' books, but is all color pictures of cute things. I think that worked out well. I just wonder when the books will reach people.

I think I am still all set for group therapy. I might still be able to do two groups, but just wait a couple of weeks for the second one if they let me. I think that will be okay.

Well, that is all, I hope everyone has a good evening.

 Hello everyone, this is Refried. Today is Jan 9. I just walked to the post office. My order that was scheduled for today was not there, but a few books had arrived from another order. I am prepping to be able to continue giving away books this year. I felt that I did not invest enough into the book business last year, though maybe some of it was self control.

When I went to Walgreens for some milk, I got some chocolates from a cashier who has now sold me 3 or 4 boxes of chocolates. She is nice and I do not know if she notices how much chocolate that is for one person.  I am reminded of a highlight of the christmas season which was getting the whitman's chocolate and feeling like it was a lot of empty packaging but then seeing that there was another whole layer of chocolates.  So that was fun.  I mean I can translate that into a blessing to pray for people.

What else from today: I saw a cute dog and I was thinking about how I would forgive those people if the dog attacked me.  But I can't stand it that the house repair people are going too slow for my mom.  And that is why I am going to be on a Judgement Day rewards committee.  Because I am aware of how some kinds of absolute martyrdom are tolerable to people while every day slights are almost unforgivable offenses.  Though I will say that sometimes when there are excessive amounts of those slights, it is a sign of deliberate bullying and mistreatment.

Hmm I wonder what would happen if I called APS about the housing repair people. I bet they would not expect that. They would expect a better business bureau report but then get busted for elder abuse.  

Well that is on the table now.  I will try to write a good essay about it and put their name in it for all posterity. And I just now discovered the angle that makes it interesting. Wow, God does take care of us.

Ok I just gave Bella a sprite. Possibly she needed another one for Maureen.

Have a good day everyone.

 Hello everyone, this is Refried. It is 2 am on Wednesday. Tuesday was a good and full day. I felt blessed and got a lot done. I am running ads on facebook and feel some spiritual feelings from it.  Most of it is good but the video feelings are a challenge.  It requires constant prayer I think and I don't know if I can maintain that for three days. 

I think I will be okay though.  I am waiting to find out if my new threefer book will be approved. It is a cute book and I feel happy about it.  They might think something is amiss because I did not try to publish the third book by itself, but for one thing, my internet got used up and is slow now, and for another thing, I want to improve some of the images.  So I hope they like it.  I kind of want to call customer service and ask them to look at it and tell me if they like it.

I ate some macaroni and cheese and I hope it does not aggravate my gallbladder. My treadmill goals aren't happening but I have taken a walk every day for about a month, maybe even a month and a half.

So okay. I talked to Ravneet a little bit today and it was fun. I hope she is doing okay. Her life seems hard to me but I really don't know what she does every single day.

I think I should take my medicine soon. I think I have been taking it at about 2 am very consistently for about a month. I think that is okay although it would be better if I took it at 11.  This makes me more of an internet junkie, too. But my activities are positive, everyone, so no need to suspect me of certain things.

Anyway I felt like writing this post but didn't really have much to say. But I think my other recent posts were somewhat interesting.

Well, that is all for now.  Have a great day everyone.

 Hello everyone, this is Refried. I just went to mail a package and pick up some books I ordered. It was one of my main orders. It is horizon cows and more floopydoos. I figured out that giving the two books together is a nice gift. I think some people will think they got a lesser gift but really I mean it well.

I also got the best fried chicken deal that I have ever gotten at Popeyes.  Just in terms of the cost and value and it hitting the spot.  But I made a mistake to not go give a piece to my friend who was sitting on a bench a quarter of a mile away. It felt too far but I should have done that. I am sorry about that, and maybe some other time if I pass that guy in his usual spot then I will buy him his own chicken meal.

So anyway, my posts are doing well and I think one post is gong to hit a million people. It will be my most far reaching post compared to the cost, and I am thankful for the suffering behind the post which was from someone I was thinking of what I would tell them and then I wrote the post. That wording was not good of that sentence. It is not really one of my resolutions so far this year to improve my grammar habits etc.

Anyway I finished another three part ai book and I think it is really cute. I think people will like it.  There is an issue with part of it which is that I did not move the images far enough down the page so they are too high up, but at least it is consistent within that section.

I still might upload the thin book format of the rabbits book, but I am going to wait until I feel bored.

Have I been working hard? I think this is my job.  A children's book writer. It counts as substantial gainful activity so I can't have any cash.

I hope Ravneet is secretly getting book sales but to my knowledge it is zero.

But this last book is cool. I will try to order some copies.  I think I will order two class sets of thin books, and some of these lower quality threefer books.  They are all really cool in some way.  Blobtastic. Triple Play, Creature Comfort, and Play Day.  Uh Oh I just realized that I repeated the word "Play." Well that is okay. I did the best I could. The books are cool.  There are only four which means maybe there will be a fifth one at some point but I think I have done enough for now.

Well, that is all. Have a great day everyone.

 Hello everyone, this is Refried. Today is Monday, January 5. I went to my first group therapy group tonight at NYU. It was really fun and I met cool people. Hopefully I can stay in the group for a long time and get a refill if the money runs out.

I am also running some posts on my art and jokes page. That page is not as strong as my other page but I like the memes I am running.  Weirdly, I doubted the pink paint splash meme a little bit even though there is nothing to it.  It is a paint splash and says God loves you.  So hopefully that will be fine.  Facebook set the comments low so I am not getting as many comments to answer.  And I should have said stuff to some people instead of just clicking like.  So I actually have some reservations about how I am doing so far with this round of boosts.  The other issue is that a meme I really liked has a Jesus that looks maybe too much like a white guy.  The prompt I used said "cute jesus" and that is what it generated. And it looked okay to me. It is kind of weird if that is the issue because really the meme seemed a little prophetic and was a different risk than normal. Anyway, I think it is okay and I am reacting to the feeling of a few trolls.

I just ate some cheesy rice and it was very yummy.  Then I ate a piece of chocolate and it was only okay.

What is on my to do list for tomorrow? Probably go to the post office. I hope my books get there as ordered.  I think after I changed the wording of the address on the account it has gotten held up a little at the post office a few times. But that might not be it but I hope that is okay because I have two large orders that I am waiting for.

So anyway, the other facebook post is going well but I do not know if there are any book sales. I will do some videos when the books I ordered get here.

I do not know how I feel about the videos.  Facebook made the numbers better for that because they are competing with Tik Tok.  But I think that is their problem is that they are competing too much and not facilitating friendship like they used to.  But all it would take is a little leadership and an adjustment to alogrithms and things might instantly be better one day.

Well, that is all. I will write again in a while after I see how these posts do.

 Hello everyone, this is Refried. Today is Jan 4.  I was going to go play games downtown today but stayed up until 3:30 working on a new book. It is a book of glitter bears in sparkling tunnels.

Some of the bears kind of look cheap in the images but I think it is okay. I freaked out about copyright last night but then saw that my original impression was correct.  A glittery bear is a generic toy already common in the culture and it is okay to name my book what it is.  There is an official product called a glitter bear but the main company had to call them squeezy bears.  So I think it is okay.

If it is not I will change it someday to sparkle bears. Not going to the games thing put me in a low mood and I feel kind of bad about myself. But I am going to walk to Walgreens soon to buy envelopes and that will be good.  I need to leave in about five minutes.

Ravneet sent me some very fun messages to cheer me up and it worked. I am monitoring myself for internet addiction but I believe I am okay. I shared some more posts to India and I believe they liked the posts and it was positive. I can't always hit like on every comment because my computer heats up.

Well, that is all, I hope you all have a great day.

 Hello everyone, this is Refried. I just made some strawberry toaster pastries in the oven.  That only took me about five years to figure out it was possible. It was yummy and I will share with neighbors if they knock on my door at the right time.

I woke up at 2 pm today. My sleep schedule is off. I do not think I will be going to the board game meetup tomorrow. I think they were thoughtful and made it possible for me but I think I am not able to. I will think about it some more and I will also try to register my metro card properly. It might not be worth it to do the discounted rate. 

I am so thankful that I did not lose my insurance. I feel that some case management people made me have to worry about it instead of letting me have the mental reward from turning in my paperwork on time.  That is a value and practice I disagree with in the social work field.  but don't take it from me.  You will hear it in a lecture from Jesus Christ himself in front of all of humanity one day. And you will be wailing in shame.  

My skin is better today but not perfect. But much more normal, so that is about time.  I think that Karla made me feel bad because it is time to go to the doctor's appointment and he might adjust medicine. So they are letting me know they will send me to the hospital through their normal abusive means if I get manic.  I do not respect that practice but it helps me prevent anger if I try to see it as benevolent towards me, or at least intended that way.

I think I will share my escalation article on this blog, maybe with names and maybe not.

 Hello everyone, this is Refried. What do you guys think of my new poem. I think it was a rather ugly thing to say.  But I think it is the thing, like I think I hit on all of it and needed to write it down on my blog.  So that is that. I need to not look back too much and say what happened because good things did happen and I think the idea was that I would be a children's book writer for teens. And it worked and things will be okay.

So block the triggers is the goal, and I should realize that watching snl might have made the algorithms start a bad feed. 

Anyway I just ate some popcorn and coke.  It was great. No one expected me to drink that coke in the back of the fridge but it is awesome.

I found out that I am not losing insurance, so that is good news.  And my SSDI is improved some.

I am a little depressed about my gift giving not going well this christmas.  What is the meaning of that?  I just don't understand.  My card did not get to my friend, I think I saw my unmailed package for someone else still at the post office today, the present for one my my nieces was late, and I am behind on three book mailings.  So that is weird, I guess it is my schedule and medicine problems.

My skin is still not doing well but it could be worse. But this has been like two weeks now and usually it is only a few days of a real issue. 

Soon I will get some books in and start giving them away again.  

Well I am using up my internet service and need to save ten percent for monday.

Have a good day everyone, live and learn, ups and downs, pros and cons.

 Hello everyone, this is Refried. Today is Friday, Jan 2. I missed a meeting at 1 pm but I think it got postponed anyway. Today I had inspection and it was hard to prepare and I lost a lot of sleep.  Then the case manager made my mood drop. I think it was because the sink was too dirty.  But I did everything else pretty well.  And I gave her a box of chocolates for christmas.

I just got a few books that I ordered and didn't realize had not arrived yet.  It was two joke books and a mice book.  I have two people I need to mail to soon.  But I am waiting to go to the grocery store so I can add something for one package. It is taking me way too long because it is cold outside and because I have to get insurance straightened out.  I got good news today which is that my medicare premiums are covered and I will not be losing medicare. So I just need to find out about medicaid and then maybe I can keep healthfirst. That would be the best case scenario.

I ordered some books to give away so I won't feel like my writing career is over. I think I can get another year out of it before I feel like doing an end of the year career clearance sale.

It will be weird if it is wasted on the level that the threat of it is for.  But there are signs of improvement so I will just see what happens.

I might share more poems this year on my poems and jokes page, but I do not know for sure. I question facebook's decision to not let my shares reach my followers, but possibly they have added that reach to the posts from my other pages.

Anyway I drank some water for two days. We will see if I can keep that up. I mean maybe I can go a few weeks like that and get back down to normal weight.  

I am using up internet but I wanted to have some internet left for my group therapy on Monday. I hope it works out okay. 

 Hello everyone, I learned how to make a good sauce for shrimp, chicken, and steak.  You combine mayonnaise, barbeque sauce, soy sauce, and honey.  And it is so yummy. It is similar to yum yum sauce but possibly better. 

I ate some shrimp earlier and then some chocolate.  I think tomorrow I will stock up on water instead of soda and see if that will make me lose five pounds faster. I mean even two weeks without soda might make a difference. I hope to see a difference in two weeks.

Is this blog going to turn into a countdown of pounds. Well I do not know but it is a very journally blog anyway.  Is everyone getting tired of each other online? I do not know. I think we are tired of the news and what the algorithms did to us.

What should I do now. Maybe prepare for inspection.  I took out the trash.  Now I need to do dishes, pick up clothes, clear table, and then I will mostly be ready to do the rest tomorrow morning.  So I will wash dishes in a while. I think I will put the dishes in the sink soon.

I can feel that I did not eat as much today. I can feel it in my mind which means I feel the effect of less sugar but it isn't necessarily making a weight impact yet.  That is tricky, to lose the reward of it before it actually helps you.

But it will be okay.  Who knows if I will actually stick with this but it is something instead of nothing.

 Hello everyone, this is Refried. It is Thursday, January 1. Happy New Years. I haven't figured out resolutions but I decided to start treadmilling today. I moved my treadmill near the plug, which was one of the things that was preventing it before.  And I think I will be treadmilling for about twelve minutes a few times a day. I think I will be motivated.  I might try to limit sodas to one per day or something just to see if I can make a difference. I am really only 5-10 pounds away from being more normal for me personally. I mean really I am not in a good situation but any difference will be good.

So that is nice. I had some dreams last night that motivated me, and it was kind of interesting.  I visited the seminary for something, I went to the Echo church's pastor's house and found sunglasses under a car and my friend from my other church was at the seminary thing i went to. So that is interesting. I woke up motivated to get the treadmill goal going.  Interestingly, a plot in the Echo dream was that I gave my pastor's kid a headache, so I thought I should tithe more.  But I know that is not the thing and I decided to treadmill.  And then I had a mascot dream where I was questioning some mascot traditions and then was questioned myself about something that had to do with the military.  So I also felt motivated to get back in shape after that. I mean maybe why blab all the dreams but that was what did it and I immediately fixed the treadmill set up in my room.

So okay. will it work. I think even building some muscle is good and I have been walking more for about a month. So hopefully I will reverse the losses from last year. 

Anyway I will say again that I think mental health people hurt my health in all ways and caused permanent damage to my life and outlook and advocacy that impacts other people.