Hello everyone, this is Refried. It is Monday, Jan 19, which is MLK Day. I might order a pizza later. I feel some angst because the conference I went to reminded me of college and I had a mascot dream where I was going to be the mascot at a game but didn't have the correct tights and feet after all.  Then after I woke up, I got a text from my mom telling me to stop listing names on my books and instead say my education more. But she is wrong. I did it right. I feel alone sometimes now in my work, like misperceived and unappreciated.  And yesterday I commented supportingly on someone's facebook post and they were mean to me. I do not know why.  But it really hurts me to have these problems.  And I feel lonely and it was hard to go to the conference.

And did I not do well and won't get an agent, I do not know. I kind of could have gone back but kind of couldn't.  The unpredictable thing was to lose sleep ahead of time.  Although I think I could go next year and have a good time. I would stay there at the same hotel. It was a good deal and that would be great.

Anyway I did meet cool people and maybe I was there for everyone. Maybe we are a gang of writers and illustrators. Interestingly the thing I did feel that makes me happy is the heaven status and reward where we will be in a true storybook lands with characters and cute animals. I felt how these people were my spiritual equals.  I think that is interesting, because that is what I always felt as an evangelical was that these professional participations were where my religion was at its best. And I think the conspiracy knows that.  That those of us had appropriate worldly ambitions with pure hearts and material.

Maybe they figured that out too, like an offering, but I see it as different than a church offering. It is something so clean and happy. And why did that person get hit by a car right before it happened? I don't understand, and I don't know what was on purpose. I mean that is weird. Does anyone else find that weird, that it brought back college memories and was at times square? I mean I do not know.

I just still feel angst and a weird layer of anxiety, and the feeling like something is not right.  

But what is happy. I made a friend. But it wasn't about friend. It was more like colleague. It was more like a fellow professional in the field. Professionals like professors but professionals.  Kind of interesting.  But Karen is my new friend, too.  Karen and Andrea. And I pondered the books. I think I did okay and had appreciation and questioned it and doubted myself but did like the books very much.

I mean another thing was it was an Essence magazine person and I loved shelving that magazine at work.  And it was like that same element of relief. So maybe that is the cool take away. And I should be happy about it but I feel a slight challenge. But people are traveling. Maybe they don't want my prayer. 

Gice I just feel like what was on the table is simular to when I went to that other conference and prayed for purgatory roles and judgement day appointments. And these people get something really amazing beyond their career ambitions here.  And the people not here, to be mindful of them too.

Anyway, maybe people already know that. But is it something on the level of that Bellevue miracle? I do not know, but I might take the red pencil book to North Central Bronx Hospital.

I missed the good nones class and have to now watch the replay later. I think people are wrong to attack the evangelicals. I think they are the one with the problem and there should have already been a reunion of peace and celebration.  

But anyway that Pout Pout Fish book was so cute. Does anyone have any thoughts?