Hello everyone. I am thinking of sharing that groundhog post even though I have to share the website with it.

What do you guys think about that. It would be international. Hello to India, you guys really made me feel better, thanks a lot.

I am at the hospital today and I go upstairs in thirty minutes. Right now I am sitting in a cafe downstairs.

I am planning to give some joke books to the PA students today. I hope I did not torture anyone. I hope it is not Sonia’s last day too.

Because I am still working on tapeworms for crochet.

Well, have a good day everyone.

 Hello everyone, this is Refried. It is 11:24. I am going to make a cheese ball in a little while. I think I will not be able to take my medicine until 1 am. this means I do not get psychological rewards at the hospital tomorrow.

I just got my groceries from door dash. I ordered them around 6:30 but decided to have them delivered later because I had a meeting from 7-8.

So I chose the 9-10 option. Well the driver didn’t leave from across the borough until 9 to go to stop and shop. And he had other orders and the order got to me at about 11 pm. I felt like I had already given them the two extra hours. So I was not expecting it but the driver was young and from another place and it seems somewhat miraculous for me to know him and for him to be able to drive and do this job. So I am looking on the bright side about it and got some good groceries even though this is my second failed egg nog attempt.

Earlier today the subway was not working in my area and I don’t feel the same about that. I think that is not right and the rudeness of the worker was not right. But I will try to go to that store to use my OTC card later this week. It is just hard and there is too often a barrier that makes me not be able to get groceries easily enough. And it has made me not have the right food this year. And there have been wasted dollars that I could have spent but was not able to.

But I think I can buy the other items at the key food from the subway soon and be stocked normally for a while.

So the issues are the closed stop and shop, the failed access a ride, the inefficient otc process at westchester, the subway skipping whole areas, the otc not being eligible for Instacart, and the slow service at DoorDash. I mean honestly that is a lot, and there have been mean bus drivers and cashiers mixed in, too. Grocery shopping used to be my favorite hobby and now I have some major outlook problems regarding my neighborhood and life.

So anyway tomorrow I will go to the hospital and tell them that honestly things didn’t go that well today.

 So okay, it's me again, Refried Bean. At about 5 pm I need to go to the grocery store. I might get stuff for a bean dip, a corn casserole, and pretzel salad.  Or should I wait until Thanksgiving to do that? I mean I do not know.  Possibly this doesn't need to be a major trip, like just pick up some chicken and bacon, and a few other things.  But some ideas are forming in my mind.  Rice Krispie treats, bean dip, potato soup, corn casserole, strawberry pretzel salad, dorito casserole, chicken pie, spaghetti casserole, I mean maybe get back in the game with food sharing. But really that is too late. I just hope I go visit Ravneet sometime soon.  Yoo hoo, Ravneet. Ravneet likes my cooking.

Today I did laundry and it went well. It was not easy because all the washing machines had clothes in them and I thought of an insulting sign to post in the laundry room.  But I think those feelings passed very nonviolently and I might not even say the idea to the mental hospital people this week.

I wish the mental hospital people would post more notes from my case but they know I publish them sometimes, well, every time.

So anyway, earlier I was thinking about how the people who helped provide all the cool stuff for 80s children are old now. They are in their 70s and 80s, and we should pray for them and be thankful and help them in some way.  It is a lot of stressed out people in my generation now caring for their parents and it is not easy for some people.

Anyway I prayed a little bit earlier today for some people and some yesterday under the umbrella of spiritual ocd about the facebook posts, but really I am just having small bursts of prayer and not enough sometimes. I do not know why but there is still some good stuff that people will get. Other people need to try the bulk ordering format and I am sad that my books didn't reach people to help them.  But I guess there are all those "thoughts and prayers" out there, and people can pray for facebookers, so maybe there is some good stuff already.

Ok what else to say. I mean doing laundry took a lot out of me so I can't go to the grocery store yet.  And I think there is still a laziness component from the medicine. So I do not know what to do about that but I think I might end up walking more during these next months.

I might read through some books for a while, maybe flip through and ponder. Earlier I prayed for other people to be successful at writing like how I used to pray at the bookstore.  And I think it worked a long time ago and now more people will want to write books so lets hope everyone can be successful. I mean why not.  These politics will pass over.

I gave the staff downstairs some copies of horizon cow. That is good, it took me a long time to do that, but today was the perfect day for it. I mean maybe no one has an attention span for it and maybe they will laugh at my old author photo that looks better than me now but what can I say, that was me back in the day.  Like it is not a fake picture in any way and I used to be skinny and made lifestyle choices that frankly some people think I wouldn't ever do, like getting exercise.  That is one of the reasons that God is going to chop up Tamara in front of everyone on judgement day.

So anyway I guess that is all for now, have a good day everyone.

 Hello everyone, it is Sunday, Oct 19 at 2:46 pm.  I did my laundry a while ago and it was mostly pants and skivvies. So that is good.  Maybe I will start wearing long sleeve shirts soon.

Some of my white long sleeve t shirts got other shirt dye on them and they are not as white now.  But it is okay. I think about four are still wearable and that is plenty.  

I am stacking the amazon books I ordered so they get unbent.  I need to figure out immediately if I am going to take some to PHP. I think I will give a joke book each to the students and that might be all.  None for clients, and the staff already got some last time, so maybe a joke book or something for the interns. So possibly order a few more. But I have two for the P.A.s but what about the other P.A.s. Well I could give them each an art book. I think that is okay.  The art books are really religious but it is not that deep.  Like it says God loves you so repeatedly that it become charity to accept the book as a gift.

So okay. That is kind of comical.  As I finish sharing these halloween jokes, I see that I had exactly three of each category, three other jokes and three halloween jokes.  So why didn't I do a batch of three and a batch of three?  Well, there are reasons, which is that I had not thought of the butterfinger joke, and the necronomicon joke was really an inside joke for barnes and noble booksellers, and there was an unsharable among those other three.  So it became four and then minus two.  So now it is minus one and it will be three halloween jokes for a day or so.  I think that works out well. And it saves me about 80 dollars.  I also figured out that I have some space on my business credit card but I might need to use it for a PO Box renewal.

Ok this is all for this post and then I will do another post.

 Well everyone, it is Saturday, Oct 18. I have a meeting at 1 pm. I will try to do better at the meeting this time.  I just had some rice and peanut sauce that was really good.  The food I got went a long way but I probably can't do another splurge like that for two weeks.

I paused two of the meme ads but will I redo them, who knows. I decided to just keep the first two running.  So that is all kind of a fail, but I just wasn't expecting to keep changing my mind.  And there is a spiritual feeling that actually feels good but is different from the art posts.

Thanks LSH for the conspiracy support. I really appreciate it. 

I think for this butterfinger joke, saying "this year" would have been good. So that is interesting because that happens too when I share these jokes, I notice slight wording that should have been different.

So anyway, what do I have to say for the kids book meeting. Well I do not know.

Gice the joke books I ordered were kind of bent and I might try again but I don't really have the cash for it.

And yet I got that food.  But I think this year I did well with budget and not buying that kind of food. Also I think that I see you can do lobster dinners sometimes, like you might as well.

So anyway, ten more minutes until thing.  Gice I got invite to a no kings event but I don't think I will go.  I just don't know what it means.

After the meeting I might try to go get coffee.  But I could make coffee here so I do not know.

Gice does anyone have any thoughts about my meme foolishness? I mean I just did not do well. Maybe it is just a two joke day.

Well, thanks for reading, everyone.

 So here's what happened, I thought of another halloween joke and it seemed like I should not wait because the joke is about a season and now is the time for it. Well four memes is a lot but not totally undoable.  Except moneywise, it is a lot. But I can stop the posts after a couple of days and save the exact amount. Well what I just did is pause a good one. I mean maybe I drove facebook crazy. That is something to think about now, like I have spent their patience with it. And I am like gee it is like a spiritual thing, well, they might not appreciate that and just see it as OCD. 

So anyway I might phone a friend Wendy later, or Brian or Jay. Or Charlotte might have an opinion too. Also Cynthia and Claire. So I will recover but I think one issue is that there is in fact a spiritual condition from this and it is not that bad but it is a thing.

And I might post a photo and update on my regular page. I just do like facebooking on saturdays. 

I mean it is weird how I wanted to do the groundhog post and couldn't and then thought of another halloween post.  So now I will stick with this and hopefully these posts will be good. And I could end up still sending that other joke, like unpausing it. 

This felt so easy and then suddenly I could not decide.  And I jsut still question the necrinomicon joke but I don't want to waste it and I got good feedback on it from another humor person. Like that person saw it as usable.  

So now what, rest for ten minutes, then go to starbucks.

okay everyone, i thought of another halloween meme. That makes two food memes that look like ads but I felt one was very timely. So I decided to run four posts but I might pause one.

Man I just might not be doing that great with it but I think I might go ahead and pause the bible groundhog ad.  so that is weird but for some reason I thought of a lot of halloween stuff this year.

Ok, here is the new rendition.  I like it but I think what is posting right now explains the concept of upselling. Like some people don't know. And this post sounds like the book might be free or something.

But it can be on this blog. I mean I do not know. I am glad I changed the logo. I feel fine about that and about the execution of the edit. Like the darker green is good.

So anyway I took my medicine, and I changed clothes to the superman outfit. I was going to do some other kinds of blog posts instead of this neurotic reassurance seeking list of play by play joke posts.

But this is what happens when I do ads on facebook.  It is easy in some ways but sometimes still a challenge in other ways. Because if you miss a spec on the ad sheet then you ruin your life a little bit.

I felt some damage from my videos but really I fixed the videos each time I did not feel good about it. And it was a key part of marketing my books properly. It was necessary for the judgement day case.

So anyway, the conspiracy is helping me sometimes. How do you gice think I am doing with my attitude. I think I am not praying enough. I really feel that I am not.  But I have some good chunks of it but to me I am missing some prayer requests sometimes.

Anyway I already drank coffee. I think I will walk to starbucks later though or go to mcdonalds for breakfast food. Maybe at about 9 am. 1 pm is the queer kid lit group. And I need to do laundry. And other than that I can rest.

Gice, do you have any opinions about the jokes? I think that the facebookers are on my team for communications and christianity. I believe they will get an awesome reward. I miss them from before but we are still having a good time.

Well have a good day everyone.
 

 Gice possibly the meme is better if it says "Would you like a copy of the necronomicon with your pumpkin spice latte? That was the idea that Leah from my creative writing group said. But I couldn't make it work but now it seems better.

I don't think this is a weird spiritual problem but it is probably not too late for me to fix it.

Does anyone have any opinions about it.

Ok there was a secret message from that poet guy.

 Ok everyone, I fixed the necronomicon joke and posted it and boosted it as an ad.  So I have three jokes and will have to wait on the ihop groundhog for another time.

I mean the other option is to not use the do not judge joke and then boost the groundhog. i think that is what i would have done if i had put more thought ahead of time and decided to do two halloween jokes.

But this is an interesting combo where the bible is mentioned in addition to the necronomicon.

Because the numbers are good on it, I think I will leave it the way it is. I mean it could have discouraged me if the numbers weren't good. 

I just think this upselling joke is good and even if the people who don't get it are boosting it to the people who will, it is a good facebook participation.

So there is still an option to stop that other joke and do the ihop groundhog from my page.  But I think really I just need to be patient.  and I have three jokes running, and that is like old times. And I can see that this is the page that has half numbers right now and it is still good. I still feel totally good about it.

Well that is interesting.  I really feel that my page had its day and now it is just a few jokes here and there.

I don't have the cash for a lot of boosting this month but I could do a few more after these jokes. I could do some art. And it will be a good amount of time since the last posts.

What do you gice think about the edits. I think it was a good edit. Because people don't say "coffee order." They say order or just don't refer to the original order. I think some people out there will get it and like the joke. 

So anyway for a few days I am a comedian again.

Well, have a good day everyone.

 Ok I think the numbers are too good on the jokes to pause that ad.  So the question is should I save the ihop post for another time and do the necrinomicon joke from the refried bean page. I could get some laughs from the 40k americans.

Any thoughts or secret messages? I mean I do not really know.  I mean maybe I just botched it a little bit with two groundhogs and I should have done the necrinomicon post before and the ihop groundhog.  I don't feel a bad feeling like there is a problem. And I am not discouraged by numbers.  So the question is okay. Two goundhogs. Maybe wait on the ihop and do three jokes. and run the necronomicon ad from my page with the note.

 Hello everyone, this is Refried. It is Saturday, Oct 18. I just took my medicine. If it is before sunrise then it counts as taking it at night. 

I also boosted three posts on facebook.  Two jokes and a groundhog meme. Hmm I think possibly I should have done the necrinomicon post but I did not want to "inadvertently" advertise for that book.  Get it "Ad," "inadvert," anyway. The problem now is that I have two groundhog posts running. So I need to maybe pause one and choose a different meme.

Ok I will do that and revisit this blog.

 Hello everyone, this is Refried. I am at the hospital waiting for my outpatient program to start for today. I had a good day yesterday and passed inspection well.

This morning my cab did not hit bad traffic problems and it was kind of amazing because two intersections that are usually jammed weren’t and my cab was the first car at a certain exit light. 

I got a piece of cheesecake and it is good. Last night I did not order food and I am glad that I can order some another time.

I am now mostly maxed out on meme budget though I could do one more round with no issues. But I think I will wait a while. I got to 70 million views which was ten million above my ultimate goal. Possibly I will try to get to 80 million eventually. It is really a 300k following that we are dealing with. And to me that is great. That is very worthwhile. I mean should I do some jokes again soon. Maybe some old posts that never got sent around that much?

Anyway two days ago I had some boredom but I think the hospital did it on purpose. Yesterday I played games with Alexa and did creative writing and it was fun. Our group wrote a poem about Latuda. It was so funny.

I hope I see Ravneet soon but I do not know what the conspiracy’s plan is.

There is something funny which is that a hospital worker in the cafe just mentioned Satan and that was one of my delusions was that Satan was working at the hospital in disguise. Pretty funny. I only worry those thoughts at night and in the day time I know it is just normal mostly good people and probably a few questionables but not yet evil under lords.

So anyway that is kind of funny. I mean in my particular life this hospital network was part of a miracle so if anything my delusions should be in the other direction but they tortured me at inpatient two years ago.

Anyway they are very forgiving. I talk to Drena later too and she is very forgiving but I have to say stuff about NYU sometimes because there was a political difference that I have to not ignore sometimes and wow my learning was slow there and I did not catch on that well.

So anyway I have had some good years. 12 years in NYC. That is a blessing and my family helped and sacrificed. I hope the books don’t get wasted but the facebook pages are something and I am technically in a comedian category. So anyway to other authors I think this is a slow season but interesting so let’s write and maybe the audience will follow later.

Also sorry for my competitive foibles, it did hurt me to lose that career and be judged as a piece of garbage. 

Ok everyone, that is all, obviously the same old stuff, have a good day.

 Hello everyone, it is Monday, Oct 13 at 8:42 pm. I just finished a creative writing group. It was fun. It was the second in a series. There are nice people who are generous with their attendance. I wrote something that made me question my own beliefs a little bit.

Then I took a shower and put on clean clothes.  So now all that is left to do is take my medicine at 11 pm.  The hospital is going to know I waited until one am a few times and am just now trying the metaformin.  But it is okay.  My attendance has been good at the program. I got upset today because of the cab thing but it is okay. I told the cab company that I was sorry it happened and I have a cab scheduled for tomorrow.

I am worried that Dilarom is mad at me because I reported them to the hospital. I hope Dr. Fatima lets me stay on as her patient. I did put it at risk and now I wonder if the PHP program did that on purpose.  But like I said, it is a bit much to risk a cab driver's life over, and my legal well being. Or really, the hospitals, because maybe I would win that case.

So anyway I have now been in New York for almost twelve years.  That is a nice chunk of life and I am thankful.

Gice Z led the group tonight and Z is one of my favorite people. I really have such a good time talking to him and think he is a genius. The other people in the group are also nice and good writers.  So we will be a good group and probably will have about five or six other people.  And we have a new nice person named Eli. I think it is great that Leah invited someone.  Leah should be a group leader too and I hope I did not doubt her too much on screen today. It is one of the zaps that happens to people and it is how other people share in my suffering. But I do not like it when people feel hurt by a facial expression because I can't control it and I can't take more medicine.

So anyway my apartment has gotten away from me but I washed a few dishes today. I need to wash one last dish and clean up the floor a little bit. I did pick up clothes from the bathroom floor. I thought I would do more today but the storm really threw me off.

The fact is that I have limitations and a full time hospital program is not that easy.

But some people have already acknowledged that.  But a lot of stuff people do is not easy.

I hope Ravneet had a good weekend.  I realize that Ravneet might have had a hard time getting so many messages from me when she already does a lot of work that is social.  Sorry about that Ravneet.

But anyway I got some messages from her tonight.  I can't remember all of them but it was in my spell check on my email or phone or something.

So okay. How did I do this weekend. I need to take an inventory.  I attended every main meeting but forgot the mensa bible study. But I did attend the discussion group but did not do that great and made a mistake to say I was keeping quiet.  So okay what else. 

The groups: Society at Red Lobster, Spirituality Group, Mensa discussion, church, Little Critique Group, and Creative Writing.  Missing was the bible study but I phone a friended Philip and Jay.  Then okay, one walk to 7-11, and one walk downtown, but I missed the peer dance a thon. What about Saturday, did I walk anywhere? I do not think I did.  What about writing? No new writing.  But a lot of ai art.  This has been an ai art year and a good facebook career that compares with the jokes page. I do think it is rewarding and matters to me and others. What else, any chores? Medicine? I did take medicine but it was late each night and no metaformin.  Also I made butterscotch pancakes and made restaurant food last two days. So the expense could have been worse but was bad but a treat from Kathy Hochul who is the person of the day yesterday and Chanya is person of the day today.

What else. I think five groups plus church online attendance is a productive and meaningful weekend.  But unfortunately I was very sedentary.  But I could have been a graphic designer my whole life. So I should be thankful. And I am thankful.  I could have called mom today but I will text her later this week to check progress on flood recovery.

Ok other thing is that I have a sandwich from 7-11 and need to put mayonaise on it. And I have milk for coffee. Should I cook the chicken tonight. Maybe.

Does anyone have any thoughts?  I will check to see if I see Ravneet's messages from earlier.

So here is the next post. The next post is about salary. I have a consistent 12 thousand dollar average.  But I have three master's degrees.  Sometimes there is correlation between education and salary, but that is not always the case.  Sometimes there are trends based on identity, but my averages are way out of scope for that.  So what is the deal. 

I am forming one theory which is that I have two levels of aptitude and ability.  I have an ability and disability.  And I suddenly had an idea that maybe people can't afford my ability. And that part of their choice to regard me according to my worst self is ironically an admission that the other work I am capable of is out of their price range.

I mean is that bad to say? I just think it got worse and worse as I improved at some things, and I can't be paid for it.  Personally, I think people should have been humble enough to allow me participation in a middle level, and if they can be in denial enough to treat me as low class trash, then they could be in denial to treat me as middle management mediocre.

But if I give people the benefit of the doubt, then maybe my society has recognized themselves as unworthy of my more useful gifts, and they have rejected them on principle.

Do you think this is arrogant? I simply look for an explanation.  The thing that gives me meaning is that when I was in middle school and saw the movie Amadeus, at the end when they toss Mozart's body into a pauper's mass grave, I thought with the most dear wishes that I would be like that too. 

There is something else that I decided not to say.

 Hello everyone, this is Refried. It is Monday, Oct 13. I just went and got some milk from 7-11. And a sandwich and a pizza and a scratch off ticket. I haven't done the scratch off ticket yet. I could win 500,000 but I wish I had gotten the one for a million but it is okay.

I have some things to say because I got triggered as a prophet. Possibly that is how it is supposed to work. I am aware that I am about to be part of the third organization in a trio that does not have the same moral framework as me.  The three organizations are Barnes and Noble, NYU, and Bellevue.  The location I am in is a disguised Bellevue and in the same company. I am not allowed in the assembly of the righteous because I am gay.  That would have been Young Life, Grace Church, and maybe a third thing. Possibly that third thing is the writing career that would have been supported by millions of other christians.

But I am inelligible and wow figured it out so fast and was so right and the rest of my life, people would pretend it was me and not them.  So I found my way to where I could be allowed to stay alive, like literally my only option every time, and it is always the same people: the leftists. There is a miracle there that should be celebrated, like how amazing it is that God provided that for me so specifically and consistently for literally my whole life.

But this cab incident today is a reminder of the cost of it to me personally and what will take its toll on society as well when this way of doing things is too accepted.  There are power plays and compromises, oppressions and hypocrisies, and I am right to feel the chronic grief and sometimes devastation as I get through each muddy system. Toxic sewage might be the more accurate analogy.  Radioactive toxic sewage of all the bad philosophy in the world, with me as their slave pawn victim. It will be my whole life. It is an assignment of God, possibly for journalism like this, and his problem with it might not be as much with these social networks as it is a judgement on all the self righteous hypocrits who left me no other option. The failed church, who mostly looked for the best in people, but made an exception for people like me, and found fault with anything and everything I did in order to justify their prejudice and lazy theology.

There is going to be another post after this.  Some stuff just adds up to an all too deliberate strategy against me, with some people aligning too often with very evil intentions from the devil's dark forces.

I should talk to my therapist named Drena but it is a day off and I am just not going to interupt that. The problem is not that bad, the flooding is okay, but it was during the worst of the rain that the cab came anyway but I think possibly they were as equally stupid as the hospital. I do not think it was stupid of me to assume the cab would not be here. Because we don't have program.  And if they want to change my status with the cab service to make it from them when it needs to be and from me when they need someone to blame then that is their problem.  I mean why should I feel hate on my day off.  Possibly there will be a lecture series on this in the courts of heaven that are mentioned in the sermon on the mount.  

I had not noticed that until recent years that there is a mention of an actual court system. So probably all these individual power plays will be dealt with and the philosophy of it will be described and condemned.

There simply should be no phone call record on my phone from today.  They could have called me friday to confirm no service but they wanted to say I did not call them.  But of course I didn't because we simply don't have program, and that was the hard thing to remember. Something interesting is that this could have gone to court and I think it would be the hospital who is responsible.  So why didn't they cancel the cab ride. I think I should send a message to HHC.
 

Well hello everyone, here is a meme that to me is weaker but this is the best of the batch I think. It is not that bad I guess and maybe I will post it sometime.

I phoned a friend out of true need because I was mad about the cab. I think I should send an email to HHC and not just complain to the program, but I do not want to tattle on them, partially because the doctor in charge of the program is a doctor that I like and want to keep if possible.  So I am like is this a power play that they thought of? Like maybe even outside the program as part of the program and not just straightforward cab problems? At that point I have to say that is on them and they make their choices and I think that is a little bit masochistic of them. Like playing too rough as a game that puts people at risk.

Do you see what I mean? Like they used the flood risk to create their power scenario and it was worth it to someone to send someone out in the rain even though we did not have program.  That is my new suspicion although I don't know if it is true.  But i know the cabs are prearranged by medicaid and they should have been told by whoever arranged the cab rides that we did not have program today. It is just not because of me.  And if they say it is because of me and want to refuse service I will say okay goodbye, I am not in the program anymore. Anyway this is the last problem I wanted during a state of emergency.

And to lose my respect for the hospital, though I knew they torture people and have low ethics.  And here I am saying negative things when I wanted to transfer my care there. 

I am going to have to email HHC.
 

 Gice I have a bad feeling, similar to the evil power.  I don't know if it is because I just saw the cab phone calls on my phone but that might be it.  Right at 7 on the dot I got a call from the cab, so no one told them not to come today. But we did not have program.  They are medicaid paid so they should know without me telling them.  This was a state of emergency and they should not have been driving out there, and now they will blame me.  I am outraged and disgusted and it affects my view of the program and hospital.

And I have a bad feeling like the blame will stick on me.  I think that is the problem that is giving me the bad feeling but I don't know. It is not going away.

 Hello everyone. It is about 11 am. I just woke up and that is good that I have caught up on sleep. The stomach acid problem last night is an issue but tonight I will start my new medicine.

I am happy that they released the hostages.  2 years like that is unlike anything I have ever heard of.  Although I know there are other bad captivity things happening even in our own country.

I think the Trumpsters did good on this one. This is one of the ways that I felt that millions of sincere voters who do try to obey God would have at least some good results.

How wrong have I been, I do not know.  Because what is going to happen to the Mexicans.  Maybe Trump will do a turn around and give them citizenship.

I need to make coffee soon. Yeah it would be nice to go to 7-11 but I think it is too rainy.  This is the peak of the flooding. I do not know how bad it is or isn't but we still have power and I don't hear mayhem outside. 

I guess coffee with ice cream for the cream is what I will do for now. Have a good day everyone.

 Ok everyone I successfully made some pancakes using cherry coke and adding butterscotch chips.  The pancakes are good, yummy, have a good consistency, and can be enough for the next couple of days if I have electricity. So possibly I do not need to go to 7-11. But a container of milk would be good but I am okay without it.  Really this is not a good food supply but it is okay for now. I am thankful for everyone that this hurricane season was not worse.

Gice some people are still out there but for some people, it is their thing.  They are a hero as a career. OR a survivor on the streets.  And then some people just get stuck in a problem commute as a new yorker and avoid it next time. So I think most people will be okay but we need to be aware of people whose jobs won't let them call out in a fair way.

Does anyone have any thoughts? Were people worried about me? I think these pancakes are the solution for me this time. I mean honestly I will eat one tonight and that will be a full stomach to last until tomorrow. And I can do coffee tomorrow, it is okay.

I mean should I go to that pizza place? I do not know. Possibly I will go for a walk at 8. 

Do you gice like my joke book?

Do you like my new memes?

I think I will google schizophrenia for a while.

 Hello everyone, this is Refried. It is 5:39 on Sunday. We are getting a rain storm that is worse than normal and the governor declared a state of emergency. I do not have water stocked up but I have coke and sprie.  I might go to 7-11 at 6:30 or 7 depending on the rain. 

I just ate a good egg sandwich and that is enough for tonight if it needs to be. And I will make pancakes for tomorrow, possibly with sprite mixed with the pancake mix. That will be fine, or coke pancakes. I believe that will be okay. And I have two boxes of cereal and two bags of frozen strawberries, a package of chicken if the stove still works, some water in leftover bottles to make one more pot of coffee, and a few other random things. I just haven't stayed on top of food needs but maybe I will catch up soon.

Man the sandwich was good. You gice thought I wasted the sandwiches from the hospital but I used the bread. And I have cheese and mayo and eggs.  So eggs again tomorrow if the stove is still working. I guess 7-11 is probably out of bread and milk but maybe they have something.  This is my worst storm prep yet.  

I think it was okay to care about the two meetings that were mandatory this weekend.  I do care about my life and not bailing whenever possible. And my critique group went well. 

I hope Ravneet is okay during the storm. I hope she has some good food because you know what, sometimes these storms can end up being good food weather.

Maybe I will keep doing ai art, but I might have enough for a while. However I think maybe we could use some more blobs. So I could do about 7 more posts, with blobs and God loves you assortments.

Gice my candy stash is low too. But I will be glad just to survive.

 Hey everyone, that is a good sand cross isn't it. I thought I would do some ai designs and mybe replace the ones that are bothering me.  But I found that most of the ones I questioned are okay. So I mean maybe some of it is the process. And try to get it right before sharing to 300K.  I figured out that 300K was my average because that is how many followers I have.  So they are being loyal to that.  I think I should do some more blobs soon and some God loves you posts. I mean I had to do some JC posts for the future and just three or four good ones last several months. But I need to stock up on the God loves you posts. So now I have a few sand arts that turned out cool.  There is one that I didn't use but maybe I will add it later. 

What else, I mean should I see what Canva can do with some prompts, I mean I do not know.

Do you gice like my joke book? Did I think too highly of it? I think it is a legitimate joke book but I need to send it to more people. Maybe some people feel that they have too many books.

In one hour it is church time. Was I supposed to go in person? I told them I am a twice a month person.

I am glad to rest but it would have been good to go to the Madeleine L'engle conference. I just couldn't this time, because I didn't have the cash at the right times.

I tipped too much at Red Lobster but it is only a twenty dollar loss.  

Gice we have to let the church do what it does but I think the evangelicals need to soon admit they were wrong about some stuff.  And some people won't like it but the truth is going to prevail so you want to be on that side.

Anyway maybe I will do some more memes. But I could clean my apartment some today too.

 

 Hello everyone, this is Refried. It is Saturday, Oct 11. I just attended a discussion group for mensa.  I am kind of part of the gang but did not do that well this time.  But I will try to go back sometime.

Anyway I am boosting some posts on facebook and they are off to a good start. I mean it is kind of weird, to do the ones I chose, but kind of good, too, after those religious posts last time.

I sent these to Algeria and Libya, who I miss a lot. They liked my jokes better than my art but I know that no one can really turn down this groundhog.

So anyway I got some good messages from my sister and my friend Robin.  I think I have some stomach acid which could be from overdoing it with my gallbladder yesterday.

So maybe make some coffee or something. I mean maybe I did not do well in the meeting but it was okay. I feel that I learned some things.  I'm just not that smart at physics but could have been. So I made my choice and I chose poetry.

The Indian people are so sweet to me on facebook, they are so nice and say Good morning and say when a groundhog is cute.  And they do not persecute my religion.  Thanks pals.

So okay. I think I will read some of my books and think about ups and downs live and learn.  And pray for some people and be glad I am inside instead of being harrassed in a store or something.

Does anyone have any thoughts? Do I need to phone a friend? Maybe at about 5 pm I will phone a friend.

Hello everyone, I just made this ai meme and showed it to a hospital cop and we had a nice little conversation about ai. Then I got on the elevator. It is a cute meme, should I share it with other countries or do they have cop problems like we do sometimes. Well I don’t know.

Gice I am sad that our country has problems but the good will triumph.

Gice my vanilla latter was really good today. Gice it will not be easy to go to the meeting but it is not until 4:30. So maybe it will be fine. Ok have a good day.
 

 Ok everyone, here is another post. I have had a lot of mental health care and can feel some layers of stability sometimes but it is weird because the losses and missing things are conspicuous sometimes. Like ok I am not screaming like an animal but I am not very employed either. So anyway I am sitting in the food place in a hospital and it is nice. I had a good latte. I have a meeting today at 3:30 and one Sunday at 3 pm. I hope it goes okay.

I am wearing my yellow hat again after temporarily losing it yesterday. I found four other hat options and could survive it if it went missing but felt pretty sure that I still need the hat. And it is not that big of a deal. An autistic person has a hat they need.

So anyway I feel hopeful about the Israel stuff and hope the remaining hostages are returned but I don’t really know what is happening. The news is not necessarily reliable. 

Today I hope to have a good day in the program. I could get in trouble for not taking the new supplemental medicine but I wanted to wait until next week when the break is over so they can monitor the medicine.

I am glad they can see the skin problem from latuda plus risperdal. Maybe this will help them say 20 mg instead of 40. 

Yesterday I told a therapist some of my problems that are very confidential. And yet in a way it isn’t that confidential that I have mad thoughts toward some people sometimes.

Anyway I think I feel okay right now and will try to pray for people, especially the health stuff for people I know and then their people etc.

This morning I bought a croissant and the package was opened like the plastic packages and I just decided to eat it anyway.

Well have a good day everyone.

 Hello everyone, this is Refried. I am at the hospital waiting for my program to start. I just had a vanilla latte and it was awesome. But it tortured the worker a little bit because usually I get a regular coffee. 

I think I will share my Halloween stories on facebook. They are kind of funny and kind of stupid.

The Nobel prize winners seem like nice people and the literature guy has a stack of books that could actually be good. But I guess I had some picks of people that I would have been more jealous of, which by now is the point of all literature, without my books that could have made a difference.

The Sparkity Bonkins novel could have helped people do adoption more, which is something that has been very fumbled in our culture and could have really used some publicity. But anyway, I won’t go into it, but when I read some rare substacks I am aware that my time is long over and my participation potential was wasted. 

Ok that is all for this post.

 Well everyone, it is Tuesday, Oct 7. I had some interesting prayers and got a message from the sky. I wish I could have some seizures but my medicine prevents it. 

I walked to Walgreens and picked up a prescription. There were lots of problems at the pharmacy and there was a dog that wasn't on a leash. 

Then I came home and found a troll on my video post. They were talking in code to other people but they commented on my friend's post and it is a friend who I also know doesn't need to be targeted.  So that is weird. I mean maybe I will pause the ad again at night.

This was a weird round of facebooking but a good 1.4 mil for some nice God loves you posts.  I feel good about what I actually sent around, and the video is okay. Still mostly silence on the books.  I will have to ask in heaven how people were able to keep the books ignored on the level that they did.  Because wow it had to have been pretty intentional.

So anyway, some of the memes are good, and some are weaker. I think I will be glad to have the option of mixing it up and if I decide not to then that is okay. It isn't that big of a deal but I try to get it right.

Something made me think of Milt Gossett from advertising and that is interesting. Possibly people figured out those trains of thought.  Pretty funny. I mean really hilarious. 

So anyway I am excited because I am going to receive treatment for my mental illness at north central bronx hospital. I am happy about that. I will go to 4B for outpatient after I finish PHP and I think Dr. Fatima might be my doctor and I trust her. So that is sweet. 

Soon is complex minds meeting. I might do laundry later tonight. I wish I had some egg nog but I have to be patient.

Well have a great day everyone.

 Well everyone, it is Monday at 11:52. I just took my medicine. I need another bite of pizza so I don't feel sick.  The trolls were kind of mean to me about my book video because I said "Liberal Gospel." In a way that loses everyone because liberals want to be called progressives and they know someone who calls them liberal is too conservative.  But I think people would really want to read a book with that title but the book is kind of indirect and not the cultural analysis that people might expect.

So I am able to care about other people's literary careers but it still baffles me why my career disappeared. I mean the books still exist.  I guess the case managers thought that my life would be more interesting with the oppression of not being accepted but I still sometimes don't understand.  

Anyway I think I am okay and might be happy to retrieve some of my heaven coping views where my reward really is in heaven and I know that some losses were permanent. I mean I do not understand.

But anyway I need to eat that pizza as soon as I can.

People were so nice to me at group tonight. Thanks pals, it really helped me.

Okay have a good day everyone.

Ravneet, see you soon hopefully.

Ok I accidentally posted a story to this page but it is now on my other blog and I will add one more halloween story soon. 

I just had a great time at my nami writers group and we kept the group going after nami discontinued the social groups and it is so sweet.  It is just so sweet how this guy hosted it and how sweet everyone was to show up and how the leaders who could have been finished still came to it.  

I wrote a story that I was planning to write and it turned out pretty good.

It is about someone who has hallucinations and they help host a haunted house and they cant tell the actors from the hallucinations but then there is a real ghost. I mean that is kind of funny.  I am not sure I landed the ending.

Maybe I will do some halloween ai memes since that jesus meme seemed so halloweenish.  

Gice do you like my stories. Did I take up too much attention. I wanted to tell Donna that her story intro was hilarious because wow it really was. 

So our group is continuing and we will invite more nami people.  It will be so fun.

Okay have a good day.

 Hello everyone. This is Refried. I had a good day today. I felt bothered by facebook a little bit but that is normal when I share videos. I mean possibly I won't share videos anymore. Maybe I will pause that video right now.  I do not know if Ravneet likes the videos but she might agree with me that I did the best I could.

I also am a little bit worried about medicaid.  I think I should have pointed out more clearly that the credit card debt was for my small business.   Maybe I can call them.  Also I think they are keeping an old bank account total because I haven't showed them a new bank statement.  This could result in a spenddown or losing the coverage.  I think I should call them tomorrow.  I have the other paperwork with their number.

Maybe I can also go to the office. That might be what I need to do.

I like going to the hospital. It was fun today.

In an hour I have a writers group.

I am thankful to be mostly conscious and alert but I am tired and lazy as well.

How was the hospital today. I feel like they might not have thought I was present enough because I had stuff happening on facebook but it wasn't that big of a deal. I just maybe am not happy enough with some of my recent facebook posts or something.  I think I did have a good day at the hospital.

Tomorrow will be good too. I am glad I was not sick as I had feared. I think they think I am paranoid about stuff when I am not really paranoid.

So tomorrow maybe I will call medicaid.  I think it could be okay if I get help with it.

Things are okay and my housing is stable enough.

I think I will eat a turkey sandwich in a few minutes. Tonight should I walk at night to go get egg nog. I think I won't. I think I will be happy with coffee. Man that coffee hit the spot today at lunch. But then I had to go to group and couldn't finish it.

 Ok I paid my bill for facebook ads. I did pretty good this fall and summer and am ok on my discover card. 

My book video isn’t great, I think the problem is the thumbnail, but mostly I am okay with the video. Like that is it. And if people don’t want any books then oh well.

I think I have almost recovered from the main pain of the lost writing career. It was a mean thing that happened but I wrote a lot of good jokes and poems and maybe the books will be available in heaven. Also you never know if maybe they will last on earth. If they do then wow there are a lot of people who ignored it or were uppity.

So anyway I guess this is part of facebook life. It would have helped if my current India boosts reached more people overnight but overall those numbers are good and normal. It had seemed like they went down to 800k for a while and now are back at 1.2 or over.

I mean maybe I am wrong about that, I don’t really know.

I feel like what is needed right now are blobs and animals, like mice and groundhogs. But I am okay for a while.

About forty people see my posts without boosting. And I kind of feel sheepish about it sometimes.

What do you guys think about how I changed up the message? I just felt like wording it differently sometimes. That original “God answers prayer” meme was one of the most successful and popular. And the “God is good” went well too even though it was normal numbers.

I mean there was not much thought in that candy meme that time but it is good on the page I mean to me that is the stuff people log onto facebook for sometimes other than their friends and funnier stuff.

Do I need to send more jokes around, I do not know. I mean possibly you just be thankful for what you have and don’t keep reaching for mega stats.

Well, ups and downs, live and learn. You can do artistic interpretations of jc. I know that is okay but sometimes I think it should reflect theology. Like when he is missing feet, his feet were important. I think a lot of that has to do with going where you are supposed to go. And of course the wounds.

So anyway what else. I just don’t think Jesus wore pink but maybe he will in heaven. Maybe that is why the squirrel was wearing the alligator shirt, pretty funny.

Well I hope everyone had a good time with this. Maybe it is meant to keep me humble or something, or all of us in some way. I mean the stupidity of some of it and the way I sometimes can’t get any good rendition.

Ok that is all. Soon I will go to program.

 well everyone, soon i have to take my medicine. I might wait until 11:30. I got some comments on my post and had to erase them but it is okay. 

i think i burnt my mouth some on my calzone today, hopefully that is why i have a slight feeling when i swallow. 

gice what do you gice think about the memes. i mean i don't know. maybe church sent me for a loop but i felt that eternal life was a good selling point.

i still question that felt meme with the pink outfit. i just didn't even notice that until after i posted it.

probably it doesn't matter. like i just post the memes and then send around the good ones when it seems right. 

program is still 8 hours away.

does anyone have any thoughts

 Ok what is the other thing, it is the video share.  My numbers are slightly lower on this video but really it is about the same as some of the other ones.  The thumbnail is not as good but it is okay. I did what I did. It is a short video.  I like how the books are and I am okay with my appearance which could be worse.  So this is another thing that I don't need to people please about. I tried to sell the books. I felt like posting another video. I have only done two or three all year. I think the idea is that I keep trying to sell stuff and it might be selling even though I don't know it.  I mean I think it isn't but it could be.  And the videos continue my established pen name and writers status.

I just don't understand why there is no one who is like hey I will give it a chance.

But anyway I think I am mostly staying out of the immigration fray but I will pray for everyone out there. I think I am supposed to do my mental health stuff and get the abuse I get from the places and be friends with people. I could make more effort I think for deeper friendships and maybe some more shared food or something. Maybe I will recover the food habits some.  Some bean dips, casseroles, soups, etc.

Now I am listening to Battle Hymn of the Republic.  I have some thoughts about our country's problems. I think the south doesn't know what else to do besides Christian Nationalism and it might just be what has to happen now. I will share other thoughts about it at some time. 

Do you guys like my video. Honestly I could use some support and I think some people already have helped me some because I do feel the endurance challenge with the weaker memes and not as good video. But a lot of the facebookers have been nice to me.

Well have a good day everyone.

 Hello everyone, it is 6:12 on Sunday, Oct 5. At 7 I have a bible study. It will be good and I will try to pray and read during that time. Today during church I got good prayers in. It is important to not waste the facebook share zone of prayer when I am lightly interacting with people from other parts of the world. They need prayers and stuff that I think of.  So I should not just be mindlessly searching out the next dessert and coffee.

Ravneet is a little bit mad at me because I doubted her. I just wondered where she was and I was like okay I guess I don't have a person but I do have a person and she is it.  Sorry about that Ravneet.  Then I tried to act normal when we texted today. And I tried to ask her how she was doing and she saw through it.

So anyway I wanted the buffalo chicken dip at Wegmans but you have to cook it and I just don't believe in half cooked food for sale.  And their containers are not microwavable.

Also there was no egg nog yet. So I will try to do that another time. I need to pick up other medicine. Possibly the hospital will be mean to me tomorrow. But hopefully not. Maybe they just monitor psych meds. I do not think they should be mean to me.

Anyway let's discuss these posts. I think I need to not care too much about what people think.  I just tried some different stuff and I don't have to ever boost any of it.  And when I look back, I like the other risks I took, like those camel arts and the elephants with the googly eyes. I will probably send that around sometime. I will do all kinds of art.  And I am thankful for all those people who click like. I mean what better to we have to do than see each others posts and click like and pray for each other. I hope they are able to communicate with friends like how facebook was for us for so long.

I hit a theological issue today but I think my posts are fine. I might do a Christ died for sinners post as well. I will do more felt art posts, they are cool posts and I should keep a high standard but sometimes the posts I like have problems that I have to photo shop.  

Well have a nice day everyone.

 Hello everyone, it is Saturday, October 4. I was supposed to go to a pizza party tonight but my friend had to postpone it.  So I made a video of the thin books and I will post it on facebook soon.

Right now I have some posts sharing on my art page and I only feel about 80 percent happy with it but mostly I am okay. One of the posts is awesome, and one is cute but kind of homemade and comically inferior, and one of them is just not my work.  I mean I like it, but it is a stretch to put it on a page that says "by Refried Bean."  Because it frankly isn't just from ai but is too much a product of someone else's art. But I titled the page what it is and I found that sharing the AI art was the right mission.  So I think it is okay. I think I should start resharing old jokes that did not get a huge reach before. Because now it only costs 50 dollars to reach 300 thousand people, and some of those jokes only reached about 50,000 people ever.  And they are good jokes.

This was a productive day. What should I eat for dinner. Should I make some pancakes. Tomorrow I am going to church. The church people are still being nice to me. 

I think I should reread a few of the thin books so I know what people are ordering if they just order one thin book.  I do not know if my videos are working but it is possible that they are.

I think it is okay that I am a casual writer. I do believe that all casual writers deserve to share longer works so I guess I am one of them for some reason. But I did not slouch on ideas.

Tonight I talked to my friend Wendy. She really helps promote presbyterian faith sometimes, thanks Wendy. She is suffering and there is not much I can do but what is lacking is care so I can call and be her friend. Which I am but I think she needs more help and some people aren't coming through.

So anyway what else. Being thankful for every day.  Another day of safety, mostly indoors, another day where I could go buy food. But it was a little rough and I think they try to set it up to frame me in various ways. I do not understand that but I guess it will be more points for me on Judgement Day.

 Hello everyone, this is Refried. It is Saturday, Oct 4. Today I paid some credit card payments, attended a mental health group, created about 7 new memes, went to the grocery store, used my OTC card, wrote a blog post, boosted three facebook posts, and that is about all.  Last night I caught up on sleep and took my medicine.  I had an interesting dream that helps my perception some about high school days.

I think I should make a video for my books but I don't know which books to advertise. Maybe the thin books when my new book gets here.  But I do not know. I kind of think I could do a video today but maybe I will wait until tonight.

I am drinking coffee right now.  The coffee that I just bought at the grocery store seemed more expensive than usual but my OTC card paid for it so maybe it is a win for both me and the store.

Maybe I will make pancakes tonight.  I think that is a good idea.  I do not have bacon but that is okay.  Because I wasted some of the bacon last time. But pancakes by themselves are enough for me.

The sandwiches that the hospital sent home with me are great. I miss Ravneet. 

Well, have a good day everyone.

 Hello everyone, this is Refried. Today is October 4. It is my favorite time of year.  The early October days.  This morning I went to an online presentation and it was great. The person miraculously was delivered from addiction and abuse. The person's beliefs overlap with new age spirituality but they are obviously friends with God and Jesus. So it was good and I feel thankful to have heard it.  

I made some new ai memes this morning and unexpectedly started sending them around.  One was a cartoon whale and I feel that it appears too much like it was my design and it wasn't.  But it is a good filler for the other two religious memes and a lot of the people in other countries get deceptive memes promising money, or inappropriate photos, or all kinds of stuff, so I think a cartoon whale is good to send them.

For some reason, facebook does not seem to like the blob designs I do but I think they are great and will probably be copied by major places, leaving me helplessly swindled.  But I maintain that blobs should not be copyrighted.

So anyway, I am going to go to the grocery store at about 4 pm. I can do it, it will be great. I will get some egg nog and other stuff. 

I feel thankful to have some free time for rest and sleeping. It has been a busy time going to PHP and last weekend I did that creative work all weekend.

The zoom person's story reminds me that prayer works and good things happen every day.

Well, have a good day everyone.

Here is a new post that is on my facebook page. I think it is nice, it was easy to create on AI.

 

 Hello everyone it is Wednesday morning at 8 am. I am at north central Bronx hospital. I took a cab here like every day and it came at 6:30 instead of 7. Really that is okay with me but that meant I had to wait outside instead of coming into the hospital so I got a coffee at Dunkin’ Donuts. It was ok but I just feel that the security people out there think I am a suspicious person. But some people can probably tell that I am a social worker.

So now I am inside the hospital and I finished my coffee. I am tired because of my medicine but was able to wake up fine so I am thankful for that.

I hope someday I can reduce the latuda to 20 mg instead of 40. I think the mental health people at housing and program have hurt my health and it will get worse.

I guess now I am seen as paranoid but most of my issues with other people being mean to me are real. And why not be insightful and speculate about it. Other people are allowed to use their minds. People always want me to live in the moment and focus on the meaningless things around me but that is the thievery of northern meditation. A sad loss that I will not let take everything from me.

Anyway what is left is mailing Medicaid paperwork, calling my mom about the water damage, doing laundry, getting ready for tomorrows inspection, and that is all.

Well, have a good day.