Influencers on Squirrel and Rodent Facebook in Heaven

 Ok everyone, I hope you guys are doing okay. I am doing okay and just ate some taco bell food. I was going to get wings but there was an issue with the register and I chose not to torture the employee. It makes me reflect on life and think of the times that I did crack down on people, like if I said no this has to go through.  I can't think of an example but I believe if I ask God to go back and give jackpots and prize packages to people in social circles radiating from those points of incident then there will be quite a few bonus winners with continuing blessings being assigned to relevant contacts.

So anyway I also had another interesting thought just now while scrolling through facebook.  Here it is: I wonder if saints up in heaven have some kind of media, maybe books or maybe something just like facebook, and there are news stories about us when we do right in some way.  Like maybe they care about our grades, and if we are forgiving in an argument, or if we exercise self control sometimes.  And maybe a nice photo of ourselves gets posted in a cool post from sponsors who pray for us.

It could even be animals.  Can you imagine being loved by a koala bear or groundhog and they post you on their facebook page because they admire the way you walked to the grocery store instead of ordering a pizza? I mean that would be so worth it.

That is encouraging for me to think about because I had some feelings of futility and frustration earlier while posting a facebook ad.  It is the same kind of ad I have posted for about 7 years and it is for clicks to my book site and it is always the same, thirty cents a click and no sales.  And I just feel like facebook knows how to cause those results and they chose that.  And meanwhile I don't have an income and another billionaire is about to take away my housing and medical care. And as I try to figure it out and scroll through facebook, I see about a hundred other pages and profiles promoted for free, including an onslaught of Oscar photos when I don't watch the Oscars on purpose.  Where are my friends? I have a thousand friends. Where are their posts. These billionaires are ruining our lives because they are bored. That is all for this post. 

 

more yapping from a mental patient

Basically the idea is that I discovered the richness of liberal christianity but stayed fundamentalist because fundamentalists have rights too.  And persecutors often go after the fundamentalists so they can squelch the "fundamentals," and keep young people from finding out the Jesus died for their sins.  Well I will not be having that and neither will God.  So here we all are with my 89 books and ten years of canceled rejection.  Except some of us have a growing suspicion that I am going to be catapulted to Edgar Alan Poe status, without ever knowing exactly why.  The fact is that I wanted to be an advertiser and young life leader, but didn't get to do either because of a severe attack on my presbyterian family. So what is left to do except write the stupidest poems ever written on this earth, and then turn in my main book to a writing contest against the book of Isaiah.  And frankly I will tell the truth and say that I think I will get third place.  And the second place books will have to be rotated throughout eternity. Argue, don't argue, be a troll, don't be a troll, sue the McDonald's workers who sold me a fish filet sandwich on my lunch breaks, you'll still get credit for being part of the conspiracy.

some better poems than mine: https://www.margaretmackinnon.com/poems

Ram and Dan from City Voices

Hello everyone, today is Saturday, March 1.  I had a nice day today and got a surprise blessing from overlapping conspiracies.  The surprise was that I got to attend a meeting with someone named Melody Moezzi as the speaker.  Melody is the author of Haldol and Hyacinths, which is a memoir of experiencing mental illness as an Iranian-American Muslim.  Wow, it was an amazing presentation and she is a really good person.  She was in the heights of thought and spirituality more than I expected, and I have to say more than me and what I do.  And I have worked pretty hard.  So that is really cool and it did make me have to think about expanding my acceptance of Islam and Muslims.  

I am thankful that I got to ask her a question about Jihad, which has become a source of paranoia for me in recent days. Like I started wondering if people overseas would target my facebook friends at their schools and churches.  And I can see that they probably aren't and it is absurd to blame all our country's problems on another religion.  It's just ridiculous and I can stop the delusions before they get out of control.  So I don't take that for granted. Not everyone gets to ask the exact key person for what to do about things like that.

Anyway I later went to the grocery store and it was kind of good but kind of bad.  Because I just filled up my cart with candy and cookies and cereal.  And really I need some good normal food.  But actually I did get a few frozen meals.  Maybe that is what I will eat for a while, is frozen dinners for the microwave. Thanks Vanessa for being nice to me and being a food friend.

Ok.  What else. Yesterday I ate lunch with an awesome friend from volunteer work in SC.  Marissa Hudson.  She moved to New York and might volunteer with me here too.  That is so exciting and I am happy for New York too.

And here is the last major thing: I found out yesterday that I can't drive any more, and my doctor also said she does not refer me for employment because of my seizure disorder.  She marked "no" on a form, so I think I can still volunteer.  But it is kind of sad to see such an official prognosis.  However I am happy to have an official report like that. The seizures are listed as tonic-clonic generalized: TCG. I thought it was TLE, temporal lobe epilepsy.  I think really it is both, and I did have some mental flickers today and yesterday because of Muslim themes, which sometimes cause me to have mild seizure blips and flaps.

Well, that is all, have a great day everyone, see you at Echo church online tomorrow!

 Ok everyone, now it is time to go buy some cokes but I just feel really tired. So it might be four oclock or not at all.  Was I supposed to go to mental health program today well I do not know.  I need to buy some chicken too but that is not working out that well, kind of like me.  

Ok that next post didn't turn out to be that interesting but it is still good news. I may be underestimating the grief if the books are banned with no sales, but really I think I already grieved it. And will proceed to judgement day with contentment about working in the basement of a department store for eternity.

See y'all there, we will hire anyone and you get free stuff.

 Ok everyone I just posted that other post. I don't think there is going to be a court case for most of the bad stuff that has happened to me, but there is an idea to protect my writer rights.  Well that is interesting because I just had some of the most serious challenges so far this week, but I think I am okay. From my perspective, I have done everything I can. And therapists have worked together with church people and friends and family to help me get to a great and costly place where I can truly accept a total loss of all work and effort for my whole life and everyone in it.  Like if this book stuff gets wasted, I do finally feel like I can face judgement day with any failure status for any reason. I would like to thank India and the people in other countries for being nice to me on facebook, because that was a huge part of the healing process.  Thanks also to Converse College. The fact is that some people did find my jokes to be very funny.  And that can be enough if America lets me down one by one or all at once.

I think there are going to still be ways to keep trying if weird things happen like Amazon unpublishing me, or someone blocking my name from being used.  That is actually very unlikely since it is my legal name, but obviously America has a lot of core institutions at risk right now. However, I feel the peace and acceptance that maybe my life and work were successfully wasted, insulted, and reduced to nothing.

I can see it as an external problem that other people will answer for.  I don't need for people to be humiliated over it, but I can watch people be wrong about me from a distance and feel bad for them. I think that is all I will say about it.