hello everyone

today is friday aug 16.  A lot of college students are moving into their dorms. It is good to pray for all those people and ask for stuff for their whole lives.  God really does a lot of nice stuff for people. It is weird though because you can see how he works in your life but when there are still over a million awkward moments and mistakes it is like ok what exactly is he doing.  I think he has been preparing material for my gameshow on judgement day. It is going to have complex rewards for almost anything and I dont know if we will access earth video footage or just have the stats somehow or confer with people's imginary animals that monitor them.  My mouse parents have been working on sone stuff this week that probably has to do with that.  They got my mouse lawyer named Pudge mcGoober to visit them several weeks ago.  

Some of it might have had to do with my name change.  I still have a few things left to do with that. My mom is stubbornly refusing to use the new name and she used my old name in my dad's obituary. I mean who knows why people do stuff when there is a conspiracy. I think my mom turned out to be a really good actress and she might win an oscar in heaven.

So today I have to walk far because I think I used up my metro card.  But maybe I could try but it seems like the bus fare is 2.90 now instead of 1.75. But I should look it up online because maybe I still have a ride left.  I am leaving in 20 minutes.  I get there at ten oclock.

Well have a nice day everyone. 

another post from yesterday

 Countdown until inspection

Inspection is in 20 minutes. I washed the dishes, wiped off the counter and stove, picked up a bag of trash, took the trash out, cleaned off a space in the refrigerator, made the bed, put up the clean clothes, put the clothes from the bathroom floor in the cart, covered up the books, closed the drawers, and I think that is all. That is not bad.  What is not done, the floor is not mopped, but the shower is cleaner than usual and I also worked on the fruit fly problem all week with excellent results.

Now I am sitting here. I just watched a very excellent sermon. I should put it on my blog or something.  That sermon and Steven Zeier’s sermon about the bible.

Which sermon from Pastor Filipe should I post? I do not know, he had some good sermons, I will have to find one.  And then that will be all, I think they have had enough time to figure out how to admit that some people really are gay.  I think it is the evangelicals who need to come through on this. They have more freedom and acceptance already and their sin against the people they rejected is greater because of how accepting they were for everyone else.  

Ok here is the pastor andy sermon: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=M5JQIng4T-U

Now it is Friday at 8:30 am. I am about to go to my hospital program. I am worried that they are going to transfer my housing soon and have already proven themselves to be abusers. So I might go to a worse place or no place at all because of the migrant influx.  I believe in helping the migrants so maybe there is something good in that but at the same time there could have been other options for me early on like working or dying in a ditch instead of being tortured by mental health workers.

bianca s is the person of the day

 Hello everyone, today is Thursday, August 15.  This is the same day I went to college 29 years ago. Wow that is a long time.  I am 47 years old.

Today I went to the hospital for outpatient mental health treatment.  I am in a 6 week program. I hope I get to keep attending after the 6 weeks is over. I think my other program will be happy for me to be somewhere else. Or maybe I can do both.  

I kind of feel like addressing the conspiracy in this post and maybe I will start doing that with all my blog posts.  What do you gice think about that.  Is that a smaller or larger audience than I usually address.  Because I usually address “readers,” and in what way does that overlap with the conspiracy?

Hmm I don’t know.  I had a good conversation about medicine with my doctor today.  We discussed maybe overlapping Latuda with Risperdal.  Like what if I did one mg Risperdal and used Latuda for the rest of the psychosis.  I told the doctor I didn’t think I could let go of the feel good component of Risperdal.  I mean what if I even did a half mg of Risperdal and a small percentage of Latuda.

Well it is a risk my friends because I could have a manic episode.  Man I just can’t go back to that phase of illness.  I will do serious damage to my life and end up in jail.

Am I going to work ever again? I do not know. Maybe the books will sell. Or what if one book sells? What if we can make horizon cow a bestseller.  Maybe we can. 

It is 5:30 pm right now. At 8 pm I have inspection.  I washed a chili pot that had the remnants of old chili in it.  I think I really did the right thing on that one instead of hiding it in my fridge.

I might make this a long blog post because I haven’t blogged in a while.

As some of you know, I went to a writers conference last week.  I think it went well.  I question missing so many presentations but I just felt comfortable and happy in my room and had to save strength for the workshop and meal parts of the time. I think I also kept myself from being inescapable which is something I try to do wherever I participate in things.  I wonder if I am too dedicated to that and instead should champion disability.  But if the theme is rights, then let’s care about everyone’s rights.  You never know when it’s going to be you.  It could be because of disability, it could be identity, it could be because of some random weird scenario, or an enemy, or a competitive tough goal, I mean who knows.  But everyone should get what’s due whenever possible.  And sometimes that thing that’s due might be relief from people like me. 

So okay. I still have some minor things I need to clean for inspection tonight. “Where can I find a deal like that?” some people are saying. Well it is a good deal except the staff has really mistreated me in these last two years and I lost one of my best friends over it because I called him in a suicidal panic this winter. I knew it was too much for him but I had to make arrangements for my absence.  

So let’s discuss the pizza I ordered. I ordered a pizza. It is cheese.  It cost about 12 dollars. Then ten dollars for the tip and 6 for delivery. Scams and shams but in the end it is a good pizza and a delivery driver had a nice moment. Side note I don’t tithe like that.

What else to discuss. Maybe mail some books soon.  People don’t just want horizon cow, they want library book, but I might roll through some horizon cows. People will feel hurt.  What about horizon cow and floopydoos?  Then might as well do library book.

So okay. I wonder if taking Latuda will make me be able to make eye contact and work again.  Hmm I don’t know.

My friend in Pakistan invited me to come talk to his church.  Maybe I will visit India and Pakistan in two years.  I just really think that my expenses for that would be better spent on food for people and something for anyone there besides me.  However successful church work has eternal value that is priceless.

Am I going to do more facebook stuff soon? Maybe but I am considering saving the money. Like I really brought it this summer with some videos, memes, and spending.  And now I am out of that money. I simply am back to my small budget.

Well, that is all for now. Have a good day everyone.

 Hello everyone, today is Monday. July 22. Yesterday I had an issue with some chicken I cooked and I think I am okay. I also went to comedy class and people laughed at some of my jokes but not others.  So I wrote some new sections of my routine and I think I will end up with two finished comedy routines from this class.

I also read some books and wow it was a lot to think about. Thanks E.L. for the awesome education.

I went to church yesterday and might stay and keep going.  But I am not sure. But if they remain at a location I can find then I think I will.

I am glad the democrats are changing their candidates and I will probably vote that way this time. I think the republicans got the right people for themselves, and I will feel better about our country if both political parties are well represented. 

I have therapy at 11 o’clock and am thankful. I think I will tell my therapist some of my new jokes. I also am mailing out two packets of books soon. I might have to wait until some more come in but I will sort through what I have and see.  I ran an ad this week and it went well. I don’t know what else to do but run ads and do the best I can.

Are people going to like my books. I think I have some stuff to apologize for in some of the books. But mostly I did what I could and said what I said. And there are pros and cons, ups and downs, live and learn.

Well that is all, have a nice day everyone.

People of the day Announcement

 Well hello everyone, today is Saturday, July 20. It is 6:23. I got a lot done today. I went to a support group, I finished reading a book, and I picked up some different groceries than usual from the grocery store. Just now I was reading through a cookbook and something interesting happened.  I saw a recipe for something called beer bread, which just has four ingredients: a can of beer, 3 cups of flour, some sugar, and butter. And then you bake it in a loaf pan.  And I think the beer is the magic ingredient because it must have a rising agent of some sort.  So I noticed that recipe because I found it interesting and possibly easy enough for me to try.  Then, later in the cookbook, there was a recipe for a “chocolate orange cake” where you buy one of those sara lee pound cakes, cut it into three layers, add marmalade to each layer, and then frost it with chocolate frosting.  That’s just genius.  Well here is the most interesting thing.  Both those recipes are from the same person.  Someone named Diane Alder.  Well that catapults that person to person of the day status instantly.

This cookbook is from Florida, one of those cookbooks from the 80s where everyone in a community submitted a recipe.  It is from a place called Cypress Creek.  Well it is a cool cookbook, and I found it on ebay a year or so ago.  These kinds of recipes are easier to use than internet recipes, and you see patterns that make you learn concepts to experiment with.  Like a lot of people in these cookbooks liked a sour cream-mayonnaise combo for casseroles and dips.  Another interesting recipe in this book was for a chicken with orange sauce, which is mostly orange juice plus flour, butter, mustard powder, cinnamon, and ginger.  Plus the chicken.  Well I think I will try that.

I might do some more blog posts this weekend because I feel like writing a lot, possibly because I read a book that must have gotten my brain working a little bit extra. So what have we learned, try to read a little bit more and restart a cooking habit.

Ravneet do you want to host a pot luck supper.  Ravneet said yes she does.  Ok.  Now I am going to read another book called Making Enemies by Evelin Lindner.

 Hello everyone, it is 12:32 on Saturday, July 20. I just wrote a blog post but did not post it for confidentiality reasons. I probably will post it later anyway.  Right now I am going to read some recipes and make some food goals to start over and cook more. I gave up on cooking but I am going to do the best I can.

I also am wondering if I should take cooking classes and art classes in these next few years.  I think that might be worthwhile for me and something I could do that would be better than just giving up and exaggerating my dementia and decline.  Without some kind of goal then I would just be a full-time mental patient. I think other people would also get tired of that.

That is a new mindset because I had started thinking that maybe I indulged too much in education without anything to show for it.

I think part of that view is from overlooking the value of writing.  Maybe I have low sales, but vocationally I am a writer, and that is not nothing.  Some people really struggle to write.  After I went to college and majored in Journalism as an advertising major, my dad said I was essentially an unskilled worker.  But I was not unskilled and had done the most responsible thing possible with my particular talent and skills.  My college major not only was marketable but was literally part of marketing. So what was the blocker. There was something social, something cultural, and I saw it and predicted my rejection.  Things have gone well, I worked in a bookstore and was inspired to write with a different purpose and audience.  

So maybe I will still have some education left and my disability is not so severe that I can’t be a blessing to others in those contexts. Probably I will continue counteracting my religious obsessions.  I started seeing myself as a Christian writer, when maybe I have a place in the secular world with evangelical effectiveness precisely because of successfully using worldly distraction as a strategy against my mentally ill scrupulosity.  It is a good and meaningful path that I should not abandon.

Ok, that is all for now.  This blog turned into a journal. Will I be able to retrieve it from that casual introspection. I do not know. 

Should I eat these taquitos that have been sitting out for two days? I think I will.

Well have a great day everyone, see y’all later if I go to the store.

 Hello everyone, today is July 5.  I am wearing a new pair of reeboks and they are very comfortable. They are old school.  Today I talked to my therapist and then went to my mental health program and talked to another therapist.  It did make me feel better. Soon I might join a gym if I can afford it. I was going to take a comedy class in July but decided to wait.  Was I wrong, I don’t know. I felt I could not yet spend the money.  And I am glad I have thought of more jokes.  I think I am going to do a little routine about why I can’t be a missionary or work for an overseas humanitarian group. It is because I would eat all the food.  They could make one of those commercials with the doctors riding their motorcycle through the jungle to go help people and when they got there I would be in the corner eating all the rations and drinking coffee. 

Does anyone still want free books?  I can’t tell if any of my books are reaching people.  It seems somewhat delusional.  How am I doing on facebook. Ups and downs, pros and cons, live and learn.  That is what I always say. Well that is today’s blog post everyone.  What does it all mean, I don’t know.