Hello everyone, this is Refried. I am going to take my medicine soon. I can't remember what all I have been thinking about but the most recent stuff is that it is Nobel Prize season.  Definitely when I wrote Horizon Cow, I saw a certain possible path, but things were shut down about ten steps ahead of any kind of contender status. One of my main interests was the evangelism opportunity of sharing christian humor with a more secular audience. I do not know how many people shared that goal and are actually sad to see such reinforcement of division instead. 

I feel very satisfied with the opportunities that did happen in that regard. I feel that people in India were nice to me and accepted a lot of my work very cheerfully. And that does heal my soul a lot.  And life in New York has had some consoling aspects to it, though I have to say I do still feel the loss here. 

I also feel able to see things as God's plan more, though I think some people have an erroneous view of this, where they gleefully think that God disqualified me from having a public career because he saw something unworthy in my heart. To me it is a really difficult thing to discern, but mainly I think the issue is that if that were the case, he probably wouldn't use torture as his main tool to prevent some kind of honorable life. And torture is what clearly happened and became a permanent health condition for me. Really, that is more likely to be from a darker, life opposing side of things. Possibly it is a higher honor to be identified by evil as a worthy target.  But really that happened very early on and was horrifically clear for about five years in my twenties.  I mean I do not know if any of us had ever seen a more clear Satanic assault on a mostly normal person.

Definitely a lot of people have been fooled by my circumstances, and many people hate me when I suggest that there is something conspicuously missing, which is any one of my five careers I qualified for. But I have to say that I believe what is missing is in fact, conspicuous. It is on the table in front of everyone, either to be recognized or denied.  And as people realize it and feel embarrassed, just know that you actually are also one of the crime victims from certain institutions that took their stand against me for whatever mysterious reason that I still don't know. The crime that happened did target millions of people who would have benefited socially and spiritually from some funny poems that share faith.  So you were in fact, wronged, but it is not by me. It was a very valuable thing that was ruined, which had the investment of multiple thoughtful communities, as well as the literary value of the work itself.  So actually it was a lot of people swindled, and possibly the whole "general public" of America. But there is something else that is as weird to figure out as why God would have a plan that involves a missing readership for funny books.  And that is that I kind of do feel that the people most hurt are the people who have chosen to bully me in front of the smaller remaining conspiracy.  You were caught in your racism and you lost my respect as well, which is actually something cool, whether you realize that or not. I think some people knew it when it was happening and armed themselves with lawyers who made my life a living hell. Well that choice, too, is why I have to question my guess that God does not use torture to achieve his true purposes. Because wow you're all a bunch of child abusers who deserve to be humiliated.