Hello everyone, this is Refried. Today is Jan 4.  I was going to go play games downtown today but stayed up until 3:30 working on a new book. It is a book of glitter bears in sparkling tunnels.

Some of the bears kind of look cheap in the images but I think it is okay. I freaked out about copyright last night but then saw that my original impression was correct.  A glittery bear is a generic toy already common in the culture and it is okay to name my book what it is.  There is an official product called a glitter bear but the main company had to call them squeezy bears.  So I think it is okay.

If it is not I will change it someday to sparkle bears. Not going to the games thing put me in a low mood and I feel kind of bad about myself. But I am going to walk to Walgreens soon to buy envelopes and that will be good.  I need to leave in about five minutes.

Ravneet sent me some very fun messages to cheer me up and it worked. I am monitoring myself for internet addiction but I believe I am okay. I shared some more posts to India and I believe they liked the posts and it was positive. I can't always hit like on every comment because my computer heats up.

Well, that is all, I hope you all have a great day.

 Hello everyone, this is Refried. I just made some strawberry toaster pastries in the oven.  That only took me about five years to figure out it was possible. It was yummy and I will share with neighbors if they knock on my door at the right time.

I woke up at 2 pm today. My sleep schedule is off. I do not think I will be going to the board game meetup tomorrow. I think they were thoughtful and made it possible for me but I think I am not able to. I will think about it some more and I will also try to register my metro card properly. It might not be worth it to do the discounted rate. 

I am so thankful that I did not lose my insurance. I feel that some case management people made me have to worry about it instead of letting me have the mental reward from turning in my paperwork on time.  That is a value and practice I disagree with in the social work field.  but don't take it from me.  You will hear it in a lecture from Jesus Christ himself in front of all of humanity one day. And you will be wailing in shame.  

My skin is better today but not perfect. But much more normal, so that is about time.  I think that Karla made me feel bad because it is time to go to the doctor's appointment and he might adjust medicine. So they are letting me know they will send me to the hospital through their normal abusive means if I get manic.  I do not respect that practice but it helps me prevent anger if I try to see it as benevolent towards me, or at least intended that way.

I think I will share my escalation article on this blog, maybe with names and maybe not.

 Hello everyone, this is Refried. What do you guys think of my new poem. I think it was a rather ugly thing to say.  But I think it is the thing, like I think I hit on all of it and needed to write it down on my blog.  So that is that. I need to not look back too much and say what happened because good things did happen and I think the idea was that I would be a children's book writer for teens. And it worked and things will be okay.

So block the triggers is the goal, and I should realize that watching snl might have made the algorithms start a bad feed. 

Anyway I just ate some popcorn and coke.  It was great. No one expected me to drink that coke in the back of the fridge but it is awesome.

I found out that I am not losing insurance, so that is good news.  And my SSDI is improved some.

I am a little depressed about my gift giving not going well this christmas.  What is the meaning of that?  I just don't understand.  My card did not get to my friend, I think I saw my unmailed package for someone else still at the post office today, the present for one my my nieces was late, and I am behind on three book mailings.  So that is weird, I guess it is my schedule and medicine problems.

My skin is still not doing well but it could be worse. But this has been like two weeks now and usually it is only a few days of a real issue. 

Soon I will get some books in and start giving them away again.  

Well I am using up my internet service and need to save ten percent for monday.

Have a good day everyone, live and learn, ups and downs, pros and cons.

 Hello everyone, this is Refried. Today is Friday, Jan 2. I missed a meeting at 1 pm but I think it got postponed anyway. Today I had inspection and it was hard to prepare and I lost a lot of sleep.  Then the case manager made my mood drop. I think it was because the sink was too dirty.  But I did everything else pretty well.  And I gave her a box of chocolates for christmas.

I just got a few books that I ordered and didn't realize had not arrived yet.  It was two joke books and a mice book.  I have two people I need to mail to soon.  But I am waiting to go to the grocery store so I can add something for one package. It is taking me way too long because it is cold outside and because I have to get insurance straightened out.  I got good news today which is that my medicare premiums are covered and I will not be losing medicare. So I just need to find out about medicaid and then maybe I can keep healthfirst. That would be the best case scenario.

I ordered some books to give away so I won't feel like my writing career is over. I think I can get another year out of it before I feel like doing an end of the year career clearance sale.

It will be weird if it is wasted on the level that the threat of it is for.  But there are signs of improvement so I will just see what happens.

I might share more poems this year on my poems and jokes page, but I do not know for sure. I question facebook's decision to not let my shares reach my followers, but possibly they have added that reach to the posts from my other pages.

Anyway I drank some water for two days. We will see if I can keep that up. I mean maybe I can go a few weeks like that and get back down to normal weight.  

I am using up internet but I wanted to have some internet left for my group therapy on Monday. I hope it works out okay. 

 Hello everyone, I learned how to make a good sauce for shrimp, chicken, and steak.  You combine mayonnaise, barbeque sauce, soy sauce, and honey.  And it is so yummy. It is similar to yum yum sauce but possibly better. 

I ate some shrimp earlier and then some chocolate.  I think tomorrow I will stock up on water instead of soda and see if that will make me lose five pounds faster. I mean even two weeks without soda might make a difference. I hope to see a difference in two weeks.

Is this blog going to turn into a countdown of pounds. Well I do not know but it is a very journally blog anyway.  Is everyone getting tired of each other online? I do not know. I think we are tired of the news and what the algorithms did to us.

What should I do now. Maybe prepare for inspection.  I took out the trash.  Now I need to do dishes, pick up clothes, clear table, and then I will mostly be ready to do the rest tomorrow morning.  So I will wash dishes in a while. I think I will put the dishes in the sink soon.

I can feel that I did not eat as much today. I can feel it in my mind which means I feel the effect of less sugar but it isn't necessarily making a weight impact yet.  That is tricky, to lose the reward of it before it actually helps you.

But it will be okay.  Who knows if I will actually stick with this but it is something instead of nothing.

 Hello everyone, this is Refried. It is Thursday, January 1. Happy New Years. I haven't figured out resolutions but I decided to start treadmilling today. I moved my treadmill near the plug, which was one of the things that was preventing it before.  And I think I will be treadmilling for about twelve minutes a few times a day. I think I will be motivated.  I might try to limit sodas to one per day or something just to see if I can make a difference. I am really only 5-10 pounds away from being more normal for me personally. I mean really I am not in a good situation but any difference will be good.

So that is nice. I had some dreams last night that motivated me, and it was kind of interesting.  I visited the seminary for something, I went to the Echo church's pastor's house and found sunglasses under a car and my friend from my other church was at the seminary thing i went to. So that is interesting. I woke up motivated to get the treadmill goal going.  Interestingly, a plot in the Echo dream was that I gave my pastor's kid a headache, so I thought I should tithe more.  But I know that is not the thing and I decided to treadmill.  And then I had a mascot dream where I was questioning some mascot traditions and then was questioned myself about something that had to do with the military.  So I also felt motivated to get back in shape after that. I mean maybe why blab all the dreams but that was what did it and I immediately fixed the treadmill set up in my room.

So okay. will it work. I think even building some muscle is good and I have been walking more for about a month. So hopefully I will reverse the losses from last year. 

Anyway I will say again that I think mental health people hurt my health in all ways and caused permanent damage to my life and outlook and advocacy that impacts other people.

 Hello everyone, this is Refried. I had a cool dream about working in a food pantry, or really volunteering there, and I was trying to find something to substitute for some squash we didn't have, and there were multiple stations of people bagging food, and some of the other stations were really quiet long term volunteers. It was a nice dream and I am in a good mood.

I think I can still feel yesterday's therapy also.  But I am sad that I got triggered. But I am okay, and really I think I snapped out of it logically and just couldn't recover a good mood until I went to sleep.

So anyway, I just went to go get water, which I was almost out of, and some groceries. The grocery trip didn't really go well. It was kind of crowded and I didn't get the right groceries but I got a few things that will be nice. I bought some cooked shrimp and wanted to buy some yum yum sauce but they did not have it. So I will go to the other store and look for that soon. It just means don't eat the shrimp yet.

Anyway, it was a challenge but I believe all these bronx workers will get an awesome reward someday.

What else: another compliment on my christmas poem. It made me happy. Thanks everyone. It also kind of confirms my view of being able to tell when something is good or not.

But interestingly I worked on backup files and a new email address last night and felt that my original three books are still the key books, and maybe about five besides that are the ones I would want to really not be destroyed if all was lost.  And that usually happens in some way anyway.

So as I was saying, who do I need to call. I do not know. There are people I kind of want to call but will only do that if I really feel like it. 

Well, that is all. Have a good day, everyone.