I just am a little overmedicated to be doing this show. Possibly I should have skipped the latuda but it will be okay. I think the idea was to make me less aware of people reading my mind and do better on stage. 

I just can't do that much better and I think my career is almost over as soon as it starts. It is kind of funny because that was one of my jokes a long time ago.

So okay, it is 10:30. At 11 I will try to leave here.

The book stuff is all going well but I am going to be late for my meeting later. I should email them a document with a chapter.

Pals the feeling of being out of it is constant.  It is mostl the medicine but also low iron and the general medical condition and trauma feelings from this fall.  The fan, the warm apartment, inspection and then no inspection, the SCBWI conference but I can't pay yet, the copyrights, I mean it is a mess but mostly it is a happy life and I am thankful but at the same time I have to be on stage in a few hours and am out of it.

But I feel kind of ready with my routine.  It is just that why did Ben have to be negative about some of the jokes when they were probably okay. I think he was trying to help me be at an intermediate level.

Anyway I hope it goes well. The medicine will hopefully wear off some. I mean it has been nine hours.  so that is good. And I had some caffeine.

I mean what if I didn't leave until 11:30.  Well I think that is not smart because of the train risk.

Does anyone have any thoughts?

Pals.  I have all these comedy friends that I forgot to invite to the class show.  I am minimally prepared but last time I was like over focused on the video.  This time I might wear the purple shirt but I don't know for sure. It is a thin shirt and that is the problem so I just don't know.

I am just so out of it from low iron. But I am going to the show and going to try to do my routine. I have thirty more minutes to dilly dally. I am going to drink some coffee. I took my medicine at 1:30 am.  So that is not too recent to function but I will still be a little bit slow because of it.

I think my routine is okay but Ben had questioned so many of the jokes that I don't really know. I sent Suzan a text and I think it is okay. I think she is still my friend and I can email Bruce another time.

I mean I just feel so stupif about that but I didn't remember until last night.

Honestly to me a factor was the subway disruption on the 6 train for three or four classes.

I feel okay about my jokes, it is just not that well rehearsed. But twice yesterday it went well.

I mean maybe leave at 11:15 instead of 11. I could probably get away with 11:30.

One step at a time.  What about my children's book meeting today. I will send them a note.

 Hello everyone, I hope some pals are reading this.

The scbwi conference looks really fun and I am going to try to go.  I think I can go. My mom is a financial martyr for children's books. Thanks mom.  I guess a torture martyr too but that is more complicated.

Anyway I did not mean to get on that tangent but I am going to try to go to the conference and if I am able to go to the illustrator thing I will even though gice I know there is a difference okay. I do know that and probably people know I know because I did my best on writing and they did their best on art.

Ok.  Should I call Hallie and Jocelyn.  I just don't know if I can have roommates with my condition.

Also I think I am staying at the other hotel.  But for two nights instead of one. 

So all I need is the 600 and I could have registered today. But I will be patient. I kind of couldn't have registered today.

Ok. I am not giving a presentation because I would not do well and I am not successful enough and do ai. But I will be a mascot as usual. We think I might be little critter.

Gice.  Thanks for helping me, it has not been easy. The swindle really hurt me.

Gice I am not sure I surpassed horizon cow with anything but maybe that is appropriate.

I think the main happy thing is that the imaginary mice are real and we are all going to have imaginary animal friends in heaven. Probably some people at this conference will design portions of heaven. I mean the life too. I just believe that. I believe Jim Henson has actual creatures now somewhere. 

Anyway I drank some egg nog and now I need to see if there are other groceries. The christmas trees hopefully are for Doug. But we know my word is not good. It isn't and that is what happened but possibly it was too good for a while like literally no blips I mean that is kind of weird. It means your socializing is your job but that is why social work but still that is not necessarily and yet it has its rewards.

Gice the immediate thing is that I need to eat some food from my new groceries but am tired.

I think my comedy will be okay but can y'all tell that I am out of it? Can anyone see it? Probably peopel can see the depression too and feel it.

I got some cokes and rations. Now there is no more room on my new card but I got the thing I really wanted which was that review deal. I got the smaller deal. I think that is right for now. 

I don't know if people are mad at me.  I did skip medicine last night and feel it but I had to for inspection and then they stood me up for inspection. Tomorrow I will need to go downtown early so they don't harrass me. I have my comedy show.  That means take my medicine at midnight which is only in three hours.  I mean do people think I shouldn't have gotten the food? I jsut got some party dips and cokes.

Gice I like listening to the conservatives on their shows. It is fun to pray for them to get rewards in heaven because you know they will be so happy.

Does anyone have any thoughts? I will get up and pour some egg nog soon.

Well have a great day, everyone.

 they are saying to do another blog post to add crystal w to the event list with those other 7 people. and then say how Troy and Lisa were nice to me. They sure were. I just searched their faces looking for the mad feelings and it was not there. 

Now could I have been in that short story group? I don't know. I don't feel like I can do this stuff anymore. I had to skip Shemaiah's group too.  I mean maybe suggest that for other people. 

Pals it is good news that there is a middle section of USA that doesn't want bad things to happen.

I do not know what to google. Maybe low iron fatigue.

gice the pizza is old now. gice possibly some groceries with that onion dip. cokes, vitamin waters, hmm I do not know. any thoughts. chicken pie, rice with sauce. hmm what about rice and a really good sauce. what are some good grocery store sauces.

 gice my agent wants me to get a new hat. it is the lowly worm hat from out of print. 

maybe but i don't know if i can and i don't usually wear hats like that but princeton also said i should.

so okay i guess so. i will try to order it when i can.

i signed up for the new reviews but see how great that old one was. i mean how precious and nice. i just feel like that was a good person who did justice with an honest reading.  she liked some poems but found some of it boring and gave me 2 out of 4 stars. 

gice i need to rehearse the comedy one more time. i am going to rely on the notes.

i think it will be okay.

i am not calling any friends about it.

monday is toastmasters. it is not easy.

but I can do it.

are people mad at me.

the focus on the family people said to not complain

i might go to 7 11 but i might not.

gice i think i am going to send around the buffalo chicken tenders poem soon

but i cant afford it right now so later this month

i feel good like meaningful work this week. the copyrights, the new compilation, the meetings, the reviews, the comedy show, i mean that is a lot and I am blessed. however I feel some health stuff.