It is 12:07. I think Karla likes for me to go downstairs and ask her to do inspection but I think that is really not right and part of her new pattern that makes me have to worry about being tortured again.

If this is not good enough for her I am going to tell her I feel tortured again. I mean I might do a grievance today for that matter. And say it is already too late and I am living under emotional abuse again. People getting away with exactly as much as they can.

Some of this could be part of their power play on my comedy.  The way they always used to make me feel bad on that day before. To mess up my class and ruin anything good that happens.

I saw Clarence at the post office today. Possibly he is following me for legal reasons. It just feels like the racist network again.  Probably someone thinks my medicine is too low.  But I am happy on it. If people try to change it they will be sued.

 Ok everyone, this is Refried. I just emailed a certain document. I went ahead and sent the worst issues.  I do not know if I emphasized that enough that this was the questionable stuff.

I will be sad if I lose these people but I feel that I did the right thing and did not hide anything.

There was that one project I did not include but I mean why do that, I think it is not necessary.

So anyway, I mean was I right, was I wrong, have I showed that escalation article to too many people?  Possibly that is what lost me the other case.  And yet I just feel like it is relevant.  For one thing, that is my life now, and where are the book sales and insurance? And I think that these lawyers need to see that other case in the background.  

So I think what I sent was very representative.  And you know what, if I get advised to change something, I might just change it.  I might take out a few poems.  And yet shouldn't I be able to.  Should I have included that poem about the secret shopper? And the CVS poem? I just felt like keeping some stuff as my problem.

So that was interesting.  And I had a good trip to the post office. I mailed four things. I talked to Ron and I hope it is okay. Gice, schizophrenia comes with some challenges that feel different from the olden days where I had to mainly prevent mania while feeling like total crap all the time.  The participation in life is really hard as someone with true status as mentally disabled.  It is just not easy.  

But anyway that is a productive day so far.  I need to finish cleaning and take my medicine.  If Karla is not satisfied then I am going to complain to grievances.  But Karla said not to complain to grievances but that is the whole point.  She said come to her directly but she knows I need to not be tortured about cleaning.

I did a lot so far.  I think the next thing is make the bed, put the candy on the table into a bag or box.  But I don't want to waste it. Ok I see a box for it. And then go tidy the books. So that is three things. I will do that at 11 am in twenty minutes.

 Hello everyone, I took out a trash bag and addressed three packages so I have four ready to send. I think that is enough for today. I found two other addresses: the delaware autism person and all recipes.  So I will try to do that but now we are down to possibly library and art mart instead of joke and creature. And after that, three notions and three pinnacle. I do still like giving those books but it has to be the right situation.

Anyway it is 7:15.  Some of the table is clear. I found a different credit card offer for 400 but I think it is expired.  Also maybe not necessary.  And yet it would be ending on a good note after that other bummer.

So anyway okay. Does anyone have any thoughts? I think that I can email the documents at any time. I feel the HS as I say that. I just think it is ready enough for them to get the gist of the problems and the extreme examples.  And I think the thing I left out, those case forms, that is on me.  I mean it is all on me.  But this still obviously matters to me, is how it rolls through a lawyer review.

Are too many of my cards on the table right now? I mean should I not be typing on this blog? Well I mean I kind of felt like the bad people backed off after that settlement process. Like how I could see that criminal fight disappear and there is a cool mil just sitting there.

There is a mosquito in my room.  Why is that and how? I wonder if that was the noise I heard last night. I heard something like a lamb crying but it was quieter.  It could be a seagull.  I don't think it was a groundhog. It sounded like it was outside. But maybe it was a mosquito buzzing. I don't think it was like hearing things like an audio vision.  

Maybe an animal in the dumpster.  So anyway, the son servants books are packed.  They are not that big of a deal.  Just a few books, a joke, library, art, creature, and grace-ism.

Anne P is getting a library book in addition to the class set. I mean maybe she can give some to teacher friends if she does not want any or isn't going to do a classroom extravaganza.

Pals, did I ever send Debra a message?  Debra is a Borders pal and she knows that some bookstore mayhem is happening. 

Pals, do you gice think I should really try to be a good comedian and have reliable videos? I bet Ben would let me try again at another class show if I did not get a good video one time.

Well, I think this will be a good and productive day but don't forget that I need to take my medicine as soon as my room is done for inspection. So what is left, table, counter, make bed, sweep, clothes in cart.

I think the Bridge should give me free rent for a month in celebration of my inspection efforts this year.

 Hello everyone, it is 6:22 on Friday morning.  I will soon prepare for inspection. I got some of it done yesterday. I think I should do the table since Karla said that is what she thought should be done. But I did that corner so maybe it doesn't have to be perfect. That might have been a power play because she knew I would do the corner and if she said table then what I did would not be good enough.  

But I guess that is the next step is to do the table and then the other stuff won't matter as much.  I can do it.  Just put the candy in a container, put the papers in the trash, put the books on the shelf, and clear most of the other stuff in the trash. When will I get that done? I am thinking 9 am.

So what else is left: the joke book and art book for C. Lampkin, facebook buddy.  I have her address. Also does that mean that there are other addresses for facebook buddies on their pages? Hmm. I will check that.

I think Delgado will not get their books yet.  I need to add some horizon cows so there are enough for all the people on their website. It is only like ten-twelve people. So there is no need to leave anyone out.

I have the address for son servants.  So I can mail that. I feel bad about the timing but this is how it worked out and I think they do keep their office staffed as a headquarters during the summer.

I need to do a library book for Anne Parris. It will be a separate envelope. I think I will address those three packages at 8 am.  Then I will go to the post office in the afternoon. 

Pals, sometimes when people indicate that certain things are not a game, I feel that actually some things should be a game and I wonder what the stressor is about it. And yet honestly I do feel that all this stuff I am doing is pretty important right now.

Do you guys like the new meme? I think it is kind of funny. Not the most hilarious but still pretty good.

Well, that is all for now.  I don't really feel like cleaning yet but inspection is not until 12.  

 Hello everyone. This is Refried. I just went to a really good support group. I talked to nice people and everyone cared and stayed the whole time. This afternoon I compiled some documents and I am going to send them soon to some people but I will review it myself in a while. 

I mean I could send it overnight but I am not. I am waiting until at least tomorrow. I think it is okay that my timing does not match what I said it would be.  That I am doing stuff faster. I think it is okay.

The other thing to do is to get the books ready to send A.P. I think I will do one of the class sets but will I include more repeats? I mean I do not know. I think she was nice and said anything is great.  So I will try for what is ideal.

The other thing is was I wrong to cancel on the autism day? I did not check the exact times. It is possible I could have done both things but I actually have three things scheduled that day.  So I felt I needed to cancel one thing but offer a stack of books if they want some. I mean I do not know. 

Some people I miss are Melissa and Shekanah.  I let Melissa down because I went to give that Elizabeth person a book and then left right when I had been talking to Melissa and that might have been the last straw.  But I do the best I can. I really have some faults and foibles. 

I feel like the pride parade could be emotional and dramatic this year because of persecution but I just don't go to crowded things.  So I am sorry to not help out. I just don't feel that activism oriented and think the people who really need help with it would actually react to a different approach from me than the northern campaign.

Anyway ups and downs live and learn hits and misses. Speaking of miss, I miss shannon, is she mad.

Shannon, are you mad at me because our group didn't go well a couple of times. Sorry about that.

Well, have a good day everyone. I mean I think I skipped once and that could be part of it is less people.

 Hello everyone, this is Refried. I had interesting dreams last night.  There was a boardwalk built across an area near a shopping center and I was trying to walk and run to the stores and restaurants and then it started snowing and the cops tried to help me and then I bought some toys and candy from a carnival.  And it was just a weird scenario but anyway now it is 2:40. I just did a wheel and deal and hopefully am all set about something.

I can't tell if the payments actually go through but I will see it on my cards soon enough. I mean do they run it through themselves afterwards?  There just wasn't a pause while the computer "thinks."

So anyway now it is time to assemble some documents and weirdly I have a lot to tell them. I mean if I list my concerns with no samples, that is a lot itself.  But I think that I know what to send. I mean funnily there is plenty. I can't send all of it.

I mean should I work on the document stuff now? I kind of think wait until this weekend and not rush these people like I did with the payment.

Also I think I need to get these books together.  It is almost three so maybe I won't go to the post office until tomorrow.

So what are the real issues. I think that cleaning that corner was an important thing that I got done.  I still have some work to do on it but inspection is tomorrow.  So tomorrow is inspection and then the post office. I mean maybe I can slow down and not freak out.

Ok I know what is next: email the autism people because of the comedy show.

 Hello everyone, this is Refried. Today is Thursday, June 4. It is about 2 am.  I will probably take my medicine at about 5 am.  I think I unexpectedly have a full day tomorrow.  Just the usual writing stuff, getting some packages ready to mail, possibly assembling some important documents, and maybe doing a transaction.  I kind of feel like get it settled if I can.

It is weird that I wondered if I had books but not addresses but actually I can all of a sudden think of four recipients, not including the two I have already assembled and the possible autism drop.

I felt sad earlier because one of those credit cards that doesn't turn anyone down turned me down because I had just inquired too recently from the same place and been accepted for a different one.  So maybe that was a mistake but I do not know. I think it is good for me to hit a limit and know I am done for now.

And I think I am okay for this month and can get the thing in question done tomorrow.

So anyway I also read about something so horrible and wow it affected my mood but sometimes that is good for prayer but wow it was too sad.

But anyway this weekend I need to put together some writing and it is forming in my mind a little bit. 

Today I read through rude surprise, funny funny haha, and soul blood.  They are good enough books for sure.  Definitely some of the earlier stuff was funnier, but some of these recent poems are nice.

I hear some thunder outside. It is nice. I do not know if it is raining. Maybe it is. Or maybe it is a truck outside. I hope things get better soon for a lot of people. As much as things have seemed bad, we don't know what is going to happen and maybe these past rough phases will be over.