Hello everyone, this is Refried. I got some groceries delivered and it went okay. I can’t always get groceries delivered but it was nice this time and included water, ginger ale, milk, and sugar. Those are all heavy things and the gate next to my building is closed.

Today someone from HHC was mean to me but I guess just keep praying for their racism problem.

I had a good group today at Nami. 

I have now used all my cash for videos.

I believe I can tolerate a break in the hobby.

I feel that I am also able to accept the end of my book career though I suspect the books will reach people.

I do not know what to eat now that some grocery normalcy is restored. I think I could cook some recipes. So weird to have been restricted on potatoes in a certain way.

I guess this is part of a prayer project to experience all the Bronx problems but I think that is an illusion and you can’t experience other peoples problems so you should just try to be productive in service to others. I do mostly believe that from having stuff wasted and knowing I myself would like a Pepsi and nachos instead of a weird swindle where someone pretends to relate.

Anyway I am doing okay, I guess I will just eat some Corn Pops and pudding and jello for a while.

 Hello everyone, this is Refried. It is 2:30 pm. I cleaned my apartment for inspection today and then after inspection discarded about four piles of stuff and cleaned my shelves and books. 

So that is good. I might have to give away poetry books instead of joke books for a while.

I think next I will clear the trash mail off the table. I don’t know if that will be today.

I need to do an Instacart order. Should I wait and do it tomorrow morning? Actually Sunday morning went well last time. I just feel like I should clear out as much trash and stuff out of the apartment before doing a good food order. Possibly I should go outside for a while. That is what my therapist said to do.

Does anyone have any opinions?

 Hello everyone, this is Refried.  I had a good day. I woke up having a dream where I kept finding people's cell phones and wrote their name in the notes section and it was all Indian friends from online.

Then I had a therapy appointment and it was great. Thanks a lot, Drena. I think Drena thinks maybe I should do IOP this summer if they have room.

Then I took out the trash and took a shower and gave myself a haircut. Wow I needed a haircut and it looks a lot better now.  That was my fastest haircut, I just chopped it off in about five chops and now it feels okay. 

Then I went to a meeting about a poetry event in October. I think I will try to go if I am able to. I might invite a few more people too from off their list. I just think from what I can tell it would be good for them to have plenty of applicants.  It is kind of expensive and that might limit the number of people but I think I will try to go if I can.

I worked on my application today. I like the people who run the thing and are attending so far.

It is weird how it is a different time of year and might work out better for me than a summer thing.

So that is interesting. It is also cool that Jane Hirschfield is going to be there because it kind of seems like she is doing the Young Life thing where they go to your game but she is stopping by Asheville to show care after the hurricane and flood.

So anyway I just had a milkshake and was reminded of the nerds station because it was orange and cherry.  

I am not really able to read my poems. I wanted to read horizon cow and think about how Jody perceived it, Jody Gladding, my teacher. But I was not able to read.  I think tomorrow I might tell Elizabeth Coleman about the October event.  She might like to visit Asheville but I hope it will be safe but I did not mention that at the meeting.  I mean they already waited a year. 

Now I need to make a list of what to do for inspection: clean counter, do dishes, tidy clothes, pick up stuff, sweep and mop, clear out fridge and freezer, clean up book mess, clear table.  So maybe at one am do some of the main stuff, then 2 am do the books and table, then 3 am medicine, then 10 am get up and finish all the stuff.  but maybe finish now. I had all week and did not do any of it.

Drena says I shoudl get outside more if I can. I will try to do that but it is not easy necessarily.

But anyway does anyone have any opinions?

 Hello everyone, I’m his is Refried. I just did one load of laundry. I read about a crime and am reminded that the death penalty should be used about fifty times more often than it is. Possibly a hundred or five hundred times more often. I don’t know why people are so hesitant about taking someone’s life when killers do just that all the time.

I think it is because people might not be moral and that is the main way to pretend you are moral is to oppose all killing. 

That is sad.

I don’t think there is anything I can do about it except explain that in my books sometimes.

Well that is all for now. I am really tired.

 Hello everyone, this is Refried. I just went to a poetry event and I was an hour late but I had a good time for thirty minutes and heard Jane Hirshfield read a poem.  And I just love that person, she is a fellow religious poet and might be genuinely the closest like mind to me in the poetry world because of that. I mean I do not know but it could be something like that.

So too bad I was late and kind of weird because I missed another Nickole Brown event. That is a pattern. I mean something interesting is that I did go to the asheville residency at risk to my own life but then didn't go to the animal farm and could have. But in a way I couldn't have because it was not easy staying in the hostel. And now what is it a reminder of. It is a reminder that you know what, I have had a tight budget in some ways. People think I just fling around all the money but it wasn't that easy sometimes.

But anyway this is an interesting development. I mean hmm.  I mean should I try to attend some stuff in October. I just don't know if I can. I mean if Ravneet helped me maybe I could.

Maybe I will go to that meeting tomorrow.

I saw a religious vision today but when I saw it, I could not really tell that it wasn't just me imagingin it but then this evening I could see it in my mind and it was so true.  It was Jesus on his throne being glorious, kind of in the sky to the left of lots of us lower and just there in some way. I mean that is interesting. I feel like the take away wasn't about him being in control but was more about him being glorious and it was different from the cross scene.  so that is interesting. Usually I type this kind of things in emails to myself but I guess here it is on a blog post.

I repeat that this didn't feel as seizure oriented but upon reflection it is not something I would jsut imagine in my mind and is kind of static.

So anyway that is nice. I am so glad if I can see visions again. I feel so much better on this medicine amount and I should be walking every day. I think I could have taken a walk today in a coat instead of checking instagram as they delayed it for a while. 

But anyway now it is 9:26. I mean what if I attended that thing in October and sent in the exact poems from the other workshop.  But I bet I would miss it just like all the other events. 

So sad about the flood, I was just thinking of that today or yesterday, where the rain starts, and it is worse than usual, and then houses are washed away. I mean it is so sad. But some people survived and hopefully feel God's love and care.

But anyway, it is 9:30. So I will take my medicine at about 3 am. Should I maybe clean and take out trash or something.  

Ok the list is: take out trash, tidy clothes, do some laundry.  Okay that is the thing is at 11 pm do laundry.

Gice I feel okay with the poets, like not mad and resentful.  They did not torture me.  Some other people tortured me. I mean why is that, I do not know.  

Well have a good day everyone.

 Hello everyone. I think instagram is going to make the numbers be less for that mouse and coin slot post. That is what they did on my other coin video. I think it has to do with not flashing money in another country.  But I believe the coin theme is great for the mice videos and I will not waste the video. I personally think if they cut my numbers on it then they should apply that value to another post but I think they just say well ups and downs live and learn.

But it is okay. My numbers were good on the other posts and it is definitely the deal of a century or millennium. 

As for the joke books, it would be good to have some more copies to give away. I just don't understand why I can't have a normal income for good obviously valued work.  I think too many people are too okay with it. 

But anyway it is okay. I am thankful for what I have of course. I mean of course I am.  But anyway, it does mess with you when your numbers are less but mostly the numbers are good so ups and downs live and learn. Maybe check the posts on my phone instead so I can see the more accurate accounting.  However I think we are looking at an extreme drop for that video that is so freaking cute. I just don't appreciate it being wasted by 50 percent or more. I mean it could be as much as 60 percent drop. And I think they are wrong about it. I think poor people like seeing mice with coins. 

So anyway I perused for an agent and concluded to maybe just go with the self publishing and for some reason I can't do an ad right now. I think that photo of the mouse with the torch is what I will use. Probably someone will see it and submit and ai novel and get an agent.  It is just interesting to me and people think no one will know or see the industry for what it does. Well I see it, good and bad.

Ok everyone, it is cold outside but I could wear a coat and walk somewhere but I just feel like it is too cold to do that.  But maybe I am wrong. Maybe a little afternoon walk would be good. 

I just ate some Cheerios. Gice live and learn, ups and downs.

 Hello everyone, this is Refried. I am back home and it is cold outside. I am trying to be patient and wait until maybe tonight to boost those two videos I want to boost. I just think maybe I should wait until the current three get to the halfway mark. But actually one is at the halfway.  I think six days might be too long for me to wait and 5 days is the correct boost.

However I am about to be out of money anyway. Like I will seriously need to abruptly halt. But it is okay.

What will I eat today, I am thinking cereal. I am thinking corn chex.  I think if I do an instacart order then I will try to get stuff for casseroles like potato, green bean, maybe even sweet potato.

Gice am I getting on y'all's nerves by checking instagram obsessively? Well I think it is good that I have a good new hobby. I think it kind of is what it is. Maybe that is ungrateful to God to say because it is such a cool tool for someone like me. But anyway I wonder if maybe I need to be searching for an agent for the mice books. I mean what do I want? Maybe ads would be better.  Do I want them to make a movie out of it? Not necessarily.  I just want some readers for the books and to not waste all of it.

Are people scared that I will go right wing on them? I mean I do not know. Also is PTS mad at me? I do not know. Probably it is part of the conspiracy.

Gice you know what would really help me is a sudden extra credit card. But I don't think that is happening.  But I wish Citi had done that for me but I understand them not doing it.

Anyway I think that is the thing I will focus on to not be too obsessed with the instagram videos is to look for agents online. 

Gice about India, some stuff is in God's hands.