Ok I forgot another post of material but I did remember Angelo, Barrett, Michael, Nina, and the other people I mostly remember their phone names.  But Angelo said one of his names was his stage name and I laughed. Because I thought it was funny, even though I was a non-affirming evangelical. And y'all's problem is that you don't want the affirmation, and if you did, you would treat evangelicals kindly instead of meanly.  Because that is how you eventually do win people over, and that kindness also happens to have always been the evangelical love language.  The choice of fake outrage and destructive activism is also why the Mexicans don't have citizenship.  Because if you did want that, you would have worked with us on the abortion issue. But you didn't. You just want us all to fail at religion and lose our reward on judgement day. And that is why all this bullcrap so much like the middle east.  Because that is the stuff they fight over, is stuff they think is from God.  And yet it isn't about getting the stuff from God as much as it is having people think you got the stuff from God.  And if it was about God, it would go differently.  And that is why that muslim cop chaplain told our social work school the real complaints weren't theological from the church people, and it was only about racism.  But I know that it is theological, and the reason he thought to say that is because racism is is behind the liberal agendas.  So he thought he could flip it and say it was us.  And now here it is in my post, ten years later, which is how long it takes to escape the psychological oppression of hyper-licensed mental health warmongerers, aka, NYU social work school. And what the north does is think of our arguments, straight from their guilty conscience, and then say them against us when it doesn't match their real issue.  That is why they do that unconscious bias stuff, and saying that it is all systemic.  So they can blame us before we even open our mouths.  Or look at anyone or breathe.  Why, because they are racist.  And why did God let that happen to them? Because they chose that as their only morality.  "Don't be racist, but you can't not be racist." And that's the new social work curriculum, and that's the only curriculum.  That's all there is, just get it from online. If you pay 80k, it is someone else's tuition to be told that they are better than you.

 So who is missing from this line up of testimonials? It is Mental Health America. I mean I kind of can't even include their re-enactment because I like them all so much. The issue was when someone called the suicide hotline and had already slashed their neck so I told them that Jesus died for their sins. 

And MHA increased the stress after that so I could move on and go to creative writing school with more free time. Increased stress from hotline calls is not a joke. I mean people can die, and I did bumble that address that time, but Gayle caught the mistake and I told the cops that it was our fault. 

But that is not the point of this pondering.  The issue is where are they in this mix of conspiracy confirmations.  And I will tell you where, is that we saved them for later in order that they could help with the Bridge abuse.  And basically Towers East did the same thing to Cynthia, and I reported it, and MHA is going to report Karla.  And probably already did but they have to disguise the timing.

Karla pretended that I did not tell them I was coming to Greenville.  But I did tell Noreema. So that is another grievance report.  Which seems either excessive or part of some kind of plan to do a supposedly unjustified lawsuit. But here is their problem.  It is also part of their business model.  Healthcare model? No, a for-profit business. Basically, they do emotional abuse when they think you need more medicine, because if they did the right thing and told you, then that would be medical care that you did not sign up for.  So they think they are just housing people doing some kind of escalation based on inappropriate behavior anyway, but what it really is is two crimes: a medical opinion they have no authorization to give, and the resulting strategy to hide that abuse, which is the emotional abuse, then life abuse because it hurts your life, then child abuse because it hurts your nieces, and then legal abuse, because you have to now document every interaction, which is harmful on purpose. And then as the legal case that has been accumulating turns into a more consistent crime against you, they say that it is a conspiracy of false accusations against them from a lunatic, when really it was a crime the first time they ever made you feel bad on purpose.  And they know how ignorant people are about mental illness, and how anyone would just mock the idea of criticizing this housing that people think you shouldn't have anyway.

But I think there is another factor, which is that some of this stuff is believable to some people. Just like it sounds paranoid when I report that they are jiggling my door handle to camoflauge the other people trying to get in my room, there are people who see that strategy and believe it for the very reason that it sounds paranoid.  Because that is what they are doing, and it is a crime.  Which is why my friend who is a doctor is going to succeed in her final account.

And then the topic I have not gotten to, which is who and how people try to get me to commit suicide, and the way it matches exactly the direction they have been propelling me since absolute day one as soon as they saw that I was autistic. That is where the autism comes in, when people thought it was about depression, then manic depression, then schizophrenia, then dementia.

And then the scary thing is that I am probably going to be a trial lawyer for judgement day in just a few years. Think of that, in three years, I will be defending people who committed suicide, and it will be just like this, where I simply show how much it did make sense based on the scenarios which are all too often created on purpose.  By who, a lot of people. For some people, everyone they know. And for others, all of society, and for people like Jesus, the whole world.

Anyway, the social work field in New York City is emotionally abusing people in order to socially re-segregate, and it is a shameful outrage.  And because a lot of people are really not racist, the arrogant workers have to abuse people very severely to get the effect they want, which is avoidance that appears like racism to the conservatives. And here I am, the literary person speaking out against Apartheid.  How stupidly cliche; I will not be a part of it. I will speak out against both things. The racism, the second racism, and the third racism, which makes a farce out of my true contribution of staying alive, praying, and writing.

 I feel the supernatural tears of a certain sort again because of the people standing up to satan, which is Youthbase, USC, and Byrnes. But I am reminded that I left off some friends from lists, such as Valerie and Patrick.  But why isn't Patrick my facebook friend? Because Ali and I played a top 40 song on our radio show, which was "What a Wonderful World." And that is why Tony came in the store to be friends with me in the music department, along with Ken and Ted. But what about Mr. Warren.  Well he is probably in heaven now, and I doubt he is spitting on people like Barnes and Noble chose to do to its customers. All the people who I didn't even know but decided to participate in the conspiracy, yet what did the store do? Child abuse all of us. Which means they don't deserve customers. So then the crowd thinned, didn't it, during those last years.  And that is why Sheron Westmoreland was mad, was because the snow day exactly prevented her bonus, and she felt that someone organized for the city to do that to her on purpose.  When wow she had done so much for me except pay me, promote me, and keep me safe from deliberate false legal accusations, which were, whoops, from her.

And then, gosh, there is a little pattern, isn't there, where that is what their store managers do.

And then the conspicuous lack of training when I moved to the bookfloor.  That is how they avoid training you, is hiring you to the music department and then transferring you, so whoops, you weren't told about decency laws. And hmm, we should hire someone else with this name so people have to put the last initial on the receipts.  I mean just to be careful, and then for twelve more years using me as a dummy for the out people. Where did they get that idea? New York City, and their NYU lawyers. So now there is a loyalty conflict, I mean can we even accept this person into our social work school.  Well, here is what will satisfy everyone, is if we treat you like crap and ruin your writing career. Oh and wow, we can get rid of your love interest with a single email.  Or even a missing email.  And now where is that person? They were promoted to being one of my facebook persecutors. With what goal? The same goal, keep the books out of the reach of kids.  Because why. Well now who are you calling a child abuser.  It is Jesus Christ. 

 So anyway, what genre is this? It is the yapping genre. A category of nonfiction that deserves a green sign over a shelf at Barnes and Noble and it says "Yapping" and can be the self-published books.

But the conspiracy is pointing out that there is a third Garrett. The junior Cocky mascot when I was Cocky.  And the school made such a big deal of making sure you knew you weren't the real Cocky when you were junior cocky, and yet in that Bellevue newspaper article when I was senior Cocky, they said "one of the cocky mascots" was missing.  So someone took a little too much care to make sure people knew it wasn't the other Cocky.  But the other Cocky was supposedly junior Cocky.  "Mr. Garett."

Well really it should be three people, it shouldn't be anonymous, and it should be equal.  But they have a literacy mascot so one option is to do one sports, one community service, and one literacy. With two people each for each one, so a team of 6 or 7 as the mascot team.  But then one person might be an alternate or substitute for all of them and they would be treated like me. So they need two for that, so a team of 8, like Florida gators.  

Anyway one time I saw a vision of my mom surrounded by gators in our backyard, and one time I saw her covered in snakes in the hallway door area, which was the same location where I was screaming as a two year old after I broke my leg.  She said that I had told her, "Anne ball hurt," or something, as if my sister hurt me, which was a lie. A lie she told herself, because she came from a poor family and some poor people lie and that is why they are poor. And she has lied to herself about the Dr. Brown incident, too, but Dr. Brown doesn't matter.  Every day at Barnes and Noble was just as bad as that unfortunate molestation.

And now I remember a fourth Garrett.  Judy's grandson. Well Judy did not get any books, and neither did Trilby, and neither did Maribeth.  Because they are going to be in the trial when Barnes and Noble accuses me of elder abuse against Mary Alston because I called her worthless in that email that Byrnes read because they monitored our computers too closely and let Costco try to sell memberships to a union.

I mean wow, when I got switched to do the travel section and all those countries got prayed for. Well I hope everyone is happy with what they got. But what I was trying to say is that I did not pray for my mom enough, or the rest of my family, and God has documented that by the spiritual attack that drove me into the lower regions of spiritual earth life that overlaps with hell. I mean who did I meet there, it must be really nice people who were on a similar mission, or people who belong there and are on their way lower.

 Wow that is so scary is how there are two Mr. Garretts.  The Mr. Garrett who told me about Jesus dying on the cross when I asked him how to go to heaven, and the Mr. Garrett who made me lose the election for class president because the teachers knew I had too many activities and my sister didn't have enough.  So they did what my parents did which is mess me up instead of helping her.

But we don't really know the true tally, do we. And I looked at Kim Jolly's test answers for The Little Prince. And I liked that Susan person too much but she was a different Susan. And Richard said he liked a cow. And then the social work teachers pretended to be cows.

So I just think possibly there is a comedic aspect to some work that angels do, and they could be young and immature. Because how else could they pay attention enough to help us.  

 So the conspiracy is saying that it wasn't for just nothing, but it was for something, nothing, and worse than nothing.  So it is probably okay to focus on the middle storyline where it is a matter of being allowed to do what I am supposed to as long as it is for nothing or worse than nothing.  So then I can't always see the something. Well I do not know. I am not sure I understand it but everyone has chores they don't like.

But sometimes there is in fact missing meaning.  And maybe that was the picture of irony for literary purposes was me selling books full of meaning while having my meaning taken away.

There is meaninglessness in the torture, there is absurdity, there is an existential component, and way to go MC on that. I mean who thought of that, for me to get the good side of that philosophy.  Ouch, that is another past person referenced, is everyone just going to turn in their sins for this cause? I mean how reluctant was it. Maybe people thought they were in the right.  Well I kept some stuff to myself. Does someone get a reward every time I do? I just feel that I have a journalism degree and people delayed the acceptance of the poetry and fiction and now we have ten books of me yapping about any idea I have, any memory, and all the mistreatment, which is overwhelming and very societally thorough.

So I guess that is the sin that Jesus did not do, because he asked God why that stuff was happening, which implies a trust for meaning.  But I said in a poem "My parents knew life was meaningless, but they still bought us the piano lessons," or something like that.  And I felt kind of bad. And then I said that peopel need to do what they are supposed to for no reason, and that was my secret.  But it kind of does match the other thing I tried to suggest, which is that people would do well to give up their reward in heaven.

So honestly I kind of see a theme that I must not have thought of myself. Rewards. Motives. Well that is interesting.  Whose reputation got protected and whose didn't? Well eventually everything comes to light, and you can learn not to fear only because God is good.  And churches can teach that, and people can learn, but some people do not get told, but some people choose not to get told.

 I think we are getting into the social work material, although I kind of already wrote about it because the Bridge is from social work school. And part of that is about Harlem supporting the Bronx. Which means I am of course not the only literary representative.  But it also means I probably should have listed Langston Hughes in that query. Well I am really sorry but it took me a while to see that as a comp. Partially because it is ridiculous. And yet maybe not. 

Wow I should not have said all that.  Like that is the whole humility problem which is in question. I mean I now have called myself humble in a book and that is the ultimate conceit.

But I got distracted. What I really wanted to say is that the social work school was playing out a lot of storylines, and one of those storylines was that I am a notable child psychologist.  Like in my children's social work class the teacher let all the students share their strategies.  And that guy with the tattoos had the best material.  And I asked him how he was allowed to be in schools like that, because people never let me even wear a bandana.  But I didn't mean it bad but he was kind of tense about it.  But they treated me sometimes like I was a peer of Menuchin and those people, and I was like what could you possibly be talking about.  But it was because I had intellectual conversations with anyone, including children. And they felt that was a breakthrough, to talk to children as equals. And that is an idea of why my books deserve that audience, because I did not know, because I was good for the money, and mindful of them.

But anyway people had cued the school to play the game and treat me both ways, as some kind of psychology legend and as a child abuser.  And they did this by my recommendation from Bobby, who had an actual court case after a grandmother said he abused two kids.  But he had done a lot for them. He did a lot for a lot of people. And I did not read the newspaper story because I don't indulge in base mental behavior and gossip. So some of us stayed his friend, and it was really good people. And he was cleared, but left the organization in other care. It is also possible that the county did it to protect me from BN.

And I still think he probably didn't do anything and either he was repaid for helping people by total betrayal, or if he did do something, I had to eventually say, well I guess I am friends with a bad person. And that is like lutheran theology where you accept the problem and admit the thing that you don't want to be true.  Which is a lot like what happened with gay rights, where people would tell people they were gay, and they said, you know what, I am.  So that is at the heart of NYC and NYU.  And the actual social and spiritual descendants of "protestants," also known as "protestors." So this topic shifts now from a child psychology theme to a theology theme, and my suggestion to the social work people that they also switch from the protestant identity to the lutheran theology identity. I just think that is the thing not to be missed.  

Well some people can see the other thing, which is that the conspiracy is calling the social workers child abusers. I kind of don't see it and am losing my focus.  But maybe someone wanted the social work school to really have people consider me in that category for some reason.  And interestingly, the only thing I have ever done that has hints of that is working at Barnes and Noble. Like I just think the merchandise we have there and its availability to people is really questionable. And yet those people tried to portray me that way to my community, to my latter audiences, and to christian history. When first of all, where did your dollars come from, and second of all, the dirtiest thing I did in the store was work there.