Pals, I got my third kirkus review.  I liked it but they were hard on me again.  But their choices of what to highlight were really funny and clever. I mean it is really funny what they did. It was kind of like that with donut novel too.  I don't know what to think about the sparkity bonkins book except that I was mostly happy with it and that was the most positive.  And yet something is wrong because these other two books were better and I know it and I think they know it.  

Weirdly I had a dream right before I checked email for the actual review, and I dreamt that I was in my room in Greenville where I wrote this book, and I had a hardcover small copy with small print, jsut the kind of books I like, and I got a video where they told me I got a star.  And I called my friend Liz Leverton and told her I missed Catherine and then I emailed my teacher named Ellen.

But about that, I feel that Nance and Trinie should also hear about the review if I tell people about it.  But I am not rushing.  I mean maybe I could still send Ellen an email first because she was me thesis advisor.

Anyway I am happy because they treated the book as a children's book. I just think they are thoughtful people who care about how the review can come across and help sell the book. And yet I just think a more positive approach would be appropriate when the authors pay and this is their main professional reading.

I get how it is kind of a compliment to hold it to a standard of classics and then say how it really does fall short.  I mean I can see the value of it. It reminds me of how I felt in English classese in high school, where I did see the elements of major works that were just philosophically off, and I loved being a critic. But I also am aware of the positives of my books that could have been highlighted instead of the worst that can be said. I mean why pay 400 dollars for the worst that can be said.

 Hello everyone, this is Refried. It is Monday, June 22 at 6:33 pm. I made an awesome spaghetti casserole and the secret is to add too much cream cheese.  It was yummy.  That is the main thing you do for a good casserole is add sour cream and cream cheese to the noodles and then put the spaghetti sauce over it.  Something else interesting is that I did not have tomato sauce so I used tomato soup and stewed tomatoes.  And it was fine.

I think I found the lawyer of choice for my constructive dismissal case.  I do not want to travel, though.  I mean maybe that is the point is that I can do everything by zoom.  I am just sad because it is going to cost 350 dollars for the consultation.  And you know what, I just absolutely think that it should.  

I had a good meeting with my entertainment lawyer named Tristan last week.  It is just what I needed.  He advised me on something that is kind of hard for me to do. I just can't let go of some of my writing decisions. But I see his point about the particular thing.  I mean it is kind of funny though, because the main thing I was worried about wasn't really the issue.  And then I think there is this other defense I have that is kind of weak but might work if I decide to go against medical orders.

So anyway I feel mostly happy and content.  My new comedy page is doing well.  But I also see how I am goin to run out of videos.  But I can keep making phone videos and maybe do open mics sometime and get a friend to tape me.  And I can tape them too.  But the sound won't be great but what if it is okay.  I mean I don't know.  I still have about ten or fifteen other videos to post.

Wow that last one wasn't my best, was it.  But the jokes were good.  And then the green shirt one is kind of quiet and not that good.  The pink shirt one is pretty good, and the blue shirt. I mean I kind of like my innocent cute jokes best but the zinger sharp up to date extreme material has its value too.

Anyway I have a meeting today at 7.  Did I miss any other meetings? Did I miss my new toastmaster meeting? I am so excited about doing speeches like that. It just formed in my mind the other day, how I had stuff to say, and I signed up and I hope I don't forget it.

I had such a good time at my Mensa discussion today. Wow they were nice and we all said interesting things.  It was funny because I was trying to estimate people's IQ and Rich said he liked hallmark movies and I was like hmm 130. But I think he is the same as me.

 Gice what I mean in my next post is that I feel like I got called out of a certain church ministry role and out into the world and one of the main spiritual elements of that was to not care about what the church thought of me.  And I thought that was just for that time, a couple of years in college, but I think actually it has been accumulating for my whole life and may have a finale.  

And sometimes I feel it, the disapproval, seeing people post their families in reaction to anything I share that involves talent or worldly success.  And maybe I should be patient with it, because they have their calling too.  But what I find weird is when I read the letters of Paul and I am like hmm I am not sure that is the track I am on.  But I am really clicking with the Matthew stuff.  I mean I do not know what it means.  Because I think actually for a while I was an Old Testament friend. 

So anyway I could be wrong but I believe I have been on the right track and it is quite something.  I think I can stick up for myself without being weird and arrogant.  But I know I did what I was supposed to.  And there is something else in addition to the ungodliness aspects that I think are an outer shield of some kind.  There is my general messiness.  I mean it is exxagerated, hard to believe, to the pint of disability, the thoughts, the habits, the health, I mean all of it, as a gross person, it is like God did something literary to max out some kind of messiness and I have to say, dirt. I am like Pig Pen from the Peanuts. I mean I am.  And he was always my favorite one.  so I mean who knows. But it is a thing, I mean why not learn from it.

It is also weird if the liberals are not my "field" or "target," but my home base.  Like my mission is to a different population, but God transfered me to an already mostly legitimate liberal side of the church with a hundred million people involved.  Because I think as it happens, you would kind of expect them to be the constituents of some kind. And maybe people figured out that it isn't them, it is their kids, and I am simply a children's book author. Like I tried to be of service and I had a clear calling and complained a lot.

Well sorry about that, truly I apologize. 

So anyway, I can't believe I woke up at noon. I got a lot of sleep.  That is good, but I thought I would be up at about 8 and go downtown. So now I might wait until tomorrow. What am I going to eat today. Apple Jacks.

 Hello everyone, this is Refried. I just went to an online bible study and it was amazing. Maybe the best ever for some reason. Wow I just will be thinking about that story for a while.

Something else was interesting is that I was reading some of the new testament letters and I feel that I match all the descriptions of ungodliness. Like every single adjective applies to me.  I mean it is weird if this is a lifelong path and it is going to culminate in some finale of a wretched appearance.  Haha very funny, my bad videos.  But I mean maybe that is the thing. 

Wow that bible study was amazing. Wow, the parable of the lamps.  The reprobation involved.

So okay. There is something else interesting to me. In my life. Something to ponder. I guess read more.

So anyway.  The facebook page. The financials.  All I can say is God knows. He is aware of the situation and it is just a normal work issue. The fact that my budget is too tight but it is worth it to keep these ads going but I am going to ask my mom for help with several expenses but that doesn't mean it is wrong to finish what I started. 

I mean maybe there can be another wave of liberal and conservative reunion. Like the social justice movement, the hilary campaign, maybe another wave of reconciliation. 

I have to say something else that is totally ridiculous.  When I was a kid, I had an idea that maybe there was a bad earth version of earth where we each had a bad self there, and then, I don't know, either earth was our regular self or a good self.  Well what if that parable means that is true.  A foil for each person. Movies of ourselves as villains in heaven.  Actual channels and news stories from hell.

I mean I am kind of going on a tangent now but anyway it was very powerful. 

 Hello everyone, this is Refried. It is Sunday, June 21. I do not feel like walking right now. I am going to make some coffee instead of walking to the coffee shop. My new facebook page is doing well.  One of the videos has gotten 170 thousand views, really with about 17 thousand "thru-plays." But there are some in between plays in there too that include good jokes.  It is around 30 thousand thru plays for the whole page so far and that is literally like a thousand times the amount of people in the class shows.  Really maybe more like 800 times.  That is really worth it. And I am at 1.8k followers.  I kind of have mixed feelings about some aspects like cost, appearance, etc.  But I think mostly it is good for me to have a video page like that.  I actually am aware of the potential of phone videos. Like the selfie videos.  Am I right though?  Do I need to be doing a different kind of page where I journalism the stuff in my life? I am thinking no, stick with the comedy.

Not many trolls except I was not happy to see a mention of my teacher who I gave credit to in a video.  I literally did last initial and they looked him up and blamed me for some of his humor that is a different topic that I do not do.  I mean am I funneling that to India in a bad way? I think I am okay and just doing my thing. I hope everyone stays safe though. This also goes back to my awareness of destiny and how God ordained for that person to be my very excellent comedy teacher.  And how different we are.

So anyway, my hope is that this will be some good content food for the people who view it all. It is of a certain nature.  There is a juiciness to some of it.  Like me as a disabled, mentally ill person, my gendered appearance choices which could not be more organic and consistent, the christianity, the unboosted jokes, etc. What will be interesting is maybe after this boost if I can tolerate all the unshared stuff. I think it will be fine.

So anyway, my critique group. I did not do well for them this month but I am meeting with Janice today at 3 pm. I am aware too of how I did not give good critique on Jody's book on google docs but there was an issue with my internet for that, I did try about four times and couldn't, and I was also thrown off by her having to redo a lot. So I will try again, that is all I can do. I still have the glasses.

 Hello everyone.  I think I am going to take an inventory of the year so far.  That is kind of rude but honestly I am bored and I do feel like I need to improve my attitude about some stuff.

So okay, I think early on was that book of rhymes and it was supernatural. That was really cool, but are the rhymes that good? I am not sure the meter is even right on some of them.  But anyway, that was a good start, and then the book of three books for that.

Then I also ordered about 200 books and gave those away. That is a few goals completed, one big hospital send, a class set, and some bonus people.  That is good.

Then the trip to Greenville, and I found out I did not have to caregive for my mom's hip surgery.  That went well.

Also, I feel like my mom gave me enough money in the winter.  This summer I do not have enough money but I made my choice to get a lawyer and that was in fact worth it. I did need that and feel better and feel like some things will be resolved just from not writing anything with no regard for anything.

So anyway, the comedy class was another good thing and the jokes were good. I feel like my appearance was not that good in the video but tolerable for my page and adds variety. So that is okay. Also now, a facebook page, compiled patiently from several years of doing the best I can.

Ok now I am kind of drawing a blank.  I transitioned from some phone a friends to other phone a friends, and I continued attending nami groups.  I also had some hospital appointments and feel some community from that.

What else. I gave joke books to delivery drivers and about 30 other people, maybe even forty. I sent a few queries, I attended the children's book conference, I participated in Writing For Your Life and 540.

I kept my PO Box, I reduced my horrible medicine, and I bought three new shirts and two pairs of jeans.

I used my SNAP benefits and was relieved from the grocery store commute problem.

I socialized with three friends in New York, and maybe went downtown a few other times.

What else. Ok, the videos.  I think that is the other major thing.  I started making ai videos and sending them to India, and I am nearing the 200 million mark.  But there is a delay and I am using good self control.  

What about church. I attended online sometimes but just can't tithe. I mean I have kept up a tithing charade despite living off credit cards and charity.  There is something to it, but my facebook pages need to be seen as legitimate christian missions, too, and can't a church help with that? I mean why not, I do not know, and yet I feel that with this conspiracy, it could be appropriate for me to stick to my civilian status.

Ok what else.  I watched the news, and prayed a medium amount. I could have done much better but had some good days.  I saw a few visions but not a lot.  Maybe if we reduce the latuda I will see some good stuff again.

What else.  I passed inspection every week so far and tolerated a lot of missed appointments from the staff person in question.  The power play of a rude gesture of disrespect.  So time to pray for forgiveness again.  Hopefully something will get better soon, and yet it never really does, I am on a downward path and it is not the christian "descent to greatness." It is just me being bullied.

I think that is all from this year. I am forgetting Ravneet! I just miss Ravneet and I am not sure that the secret messages are maintaining our closeness enough. but possibly I kept that official in a good way.

Ok is there anything else. It is midyear. It went by fast.  I liked that post where someone talked about their summer bucket list.  That is a cute idea.  Summer goes by fast.

Ok therapy and taking the shuttle to North Central Bronx. That has gone well.  

Kirkus reviews. That was another thing.  Posts on my jokes page, only mostly okay on normal page.

Watching youtube, mixing it up with the music and food videos, maybe not watching as much this year.

I just can't think of anything else. Well, have a good day everyone.

 Hello everyone, this is Refried. I am feeling a little bit better and I think that I felt some angst from the numbers slowing down when it is the middle of the night in India.  I mean it just messes with me psychologically and now it is back to normal.  I was thinking at 850 I might stop the ads but actually I believe I will keep the ads running.

Anyway I know I missed a great Mensa party, but to me, the real issue is that I forgot the afternoon online discussion today when ten minutes before, I was planning to log in.  So actually, I had memory lapses three times today, but it was normal stuff every time.  It isn't stuff like not knowing where I am or something.  It is just being forgetful.  I need to accept that as part of my life.

I wish Hilary had won the election in 2016. That was what was needed.  Things were more positive then and would have stayed that way for a while, probably.   There would have been economic problems from too much government, but tech advances probably would have made up for it. But I think some people wanted to be mad and that is what we got. 

Anyway, this is a good prayer window and I have taken advantage of some of it but not perfect. You know what is good sometimes is to pray for other people's praying and prayers. I mean let them get some stuff.

Some people still don't understand that I am disabled.  But I wish I could work.  

Gice I think this year will be the last main effort with the books unless something happens. And then I will keep them available for as long as I can but kind of give up on the project. It was a twenty year thing.  Some work reached people. I had readings and participated in things.  Some jokes reached people.  The fiction didn't really reach a lot of people. I mean maybe it is not too late to send some stories to lesser publications. Some people might be happy to get a story from me. It's just that as a whole, it wasn't inferior.  It was consistently entertaining and absolutely worthy of a place on shelves and in classrooms.

Well, have a good day everyone.