Hello everyone, today is Friday, Nov 14. I had a good day except for the Medicaid problem. I am distraught that my paperwork did not get there.  My case manager and housing director think it is them.  So it probably got there and wasn't processed and someone thought it was okay to just say it didn't get there.  My therapist thinks it will work out.  I asked them if I could redo it and they are mailing it to me and I am taking it to the office.  The worker on the phone was young and didn't care and didn't care to believe me either that I of course had done it when I said I had and that the person I talked to in the office should have told me that they had not received it.  The case also didn't show up in their app that I have, and the fact that they use the mail system is also a possible problem.  So that is three or four things that are all them.  I don't have much proof but could probably get video footage of me mailing it. I will tell them that when I go to the office.

I am cooking some rice right now because I have a can of gravy that I used on rice the other day.  It was yummy so I will have another similar meal.  And I made a grilled cheese sandwich, actually two. And I ate some blackberries.  And earlier I ate three eggs and cheerios.  So I am using groceries and this day alone catches me up on really a year of poor food management. It could have been worse and been more expensive but actually I did keep it cheap.

I had a good grocery trip today and will keep walking far to that store.  It is not that far and I need the exercise. So how many groceries did I use today: gravy, cheerios, cheese, mayonnaise, bread, eggs, butter, blackberries, gushers,  coffee, sugar, rice.  I thought about eating beans, too, but all in good time.  That is twelve groceries that I used up today.  That is really doing the best I can. I also ate pudding but I did not want to make the number be 13. I am going to just pour most of the gravy into all the rice and not use the rice for other things like cheesy rice or something.

I mean maybe I am wrong and I should do some cheesy rice and some gravy rice. 

I just have to write on this blog a lot because it is meaningful to me and sometimes I share it.  But facebook doesn't share links successfully because they want all the traffic to stay on their page.  But I got 300 views, which is what the secret lawyers advised.

Thanks everyone for the conspiracy. I am going to try to handle this insurance thing well and live my life without obsessively trusting and worshipping medicaid. If I lose it then I probably still have medicare. And I have a couple of months worth of medicine and could titrate down if there was an emergency. I think I have to see losing insurance as a let this cup pass from me thing and then take a share of suffering.

I am excited because a movie that I thought I missed last week is tonight, so hopefully I can watch it.

I miss Ravneet.  She has been talking to me a lot and it is very fun.

Well have a good day everyone.

 Hello everyone, this is Refried. It is Friday, Nov 14. My friend who is a doctor sent me a message saying she is worried about me. So I called her and told her about my new problem of the medicaid packet not getting there.  My case manager says she thinks the packet did probably get there and medicaid messed it up because of the shutdown problems.  I think she might be right.  Possibly it did get lost though, and I do not have proof of sending it.  That is my stupidity.  The only documentation I have is a missed day of PHP when I went to the medicaid office, and a fed ex office transaction for one of the documents that I mailed.  

Other than that I never heard from them and they should have told me when I went in person that they did not have the paperwork. This is one of the worst problems I have ever had.  It seems like I did not do what I was supposed to but I did.  Maybe they lose it on purpose to see if you lie and say a different budget when you fill it out again. But my paperwork could not have been more straightforward and honest. It is really horrible that it is not there.  I think it is really horrible if it is a different problem and they are pretending they didn't get it. I mean what do you do.

Anyway I paused the facebook ad.  I do not know if I reached enough facebook friends.  I am aware that I can't really reach people in the USA, even if they are my facebook friends and followers. So I need to accept that those blessings got taken away. Huge chunks of things I worked for are gone, and that is my life, and all kinds of bad things happen in the world.  So now I and others will be some of those people who did the best we could but things didn't go well.

I think that other post was interesting and I do not regret sharing it but I have spent enough on it and reached plenty of people.

I just don't think I will suddenly have an income and be able to sign up for Fidelis insurance as hoped for before.

I sent an email to my therapist. I might have said too much in the email. At one pm I might go to a Nami group. And then Hearing Voices at 3:30, or maybe the employment support group.  I was going to go to the grocery store but I don't know if I am strong enough.  What do you gice think.  Sunday I want to go to my church downtown. So that leaves today for the grocery store. I mean should that be what I do at 3 pm.  Maybe. It is kind of a far walk but reminds me of Nagle avenue days.

Does anyone have any thoughts? Any secret messages are appreciated.

 Hello everyone, this is Refried. it is Friday, Nov 14. I am on the phone trying to get help for a Medicaid problem. I have been on hold for about 40 minutes.  That is a long time to be on hold. But they probably have a lot of people who need help.  I think something already went wrong and I may need to be patient and go to the office in person Monday.  I left a message. I have had four interactions with them about renewal.  And the recording said they did not receive the packet. But I did send it and went in person to clarify something on the packet and they did not let me know that they did not have it.

So possibly something went wrong because of the shut down and I need to be patient. Also two counselors said they think something was wrong with my new SNAP allowance.  So I will be patient. i am okay for now. I have about a month where I should be okay and can get some things fixed.  And possibly things can be corrected retroactively if I temporarily lose coverage unfairly.

Then there is the possibility that I will lose it because of government taking back its contract without notice.  To just take away healthcare after I have made life decisions based on its availability and the agreements already established in writing.

The blog post has about 150 views. Probably it is half and half India and USA.  That is good with me.  Will I pause the ad, probably not.  I mean it is a blog share.  

Definitley my writing life could have had many different results and I don't know, manifestations, but I am happy with the books I did.  Should I have kept better grammar standards? I think I did keep them for the main fiction and poetry, and I did the nonfiction more casually, and that was my choice.  So I think it is okay.  Anyway, pros and cons, ups and downs, live and learn.  A lot has gone okay and people have helped me a lot.  But wow some things did not go well, shut doors and mistreatment, erosions of various sorts.

I can see the finish line up ahead but how are these four years going to go, I do not know.

It is now 50 minutes on hold. I mean maybe I just have to go in person. I just think there should be customer service for something as important as medicaid.

 Hello everyone, this is Refried. Today is Thursday, Nov 13. I miraculously just cleaned a section of my apartment that I have been procrastinating on for a year. I think I should throw away some bags in the corner and tidy up the books and then maybe my apartment is no longer really a messy apartment.

What should I eat for dinner. I do not know. But I made that 60 dollars last three days and that is good. I ate some cereal.  What I think I want to do is eat a zebra cake. I wish I had gotten the christmas tree cakes and given them to Doug to take to his kids but I simply only saw the zebra cakes.

I think questionable was the pepperidge farm cookies because they were 7 dollars.  I hope that company is doing okay because I could not handle it if they went out of business. A friend of mind told me that stuff like that happens as you get older, and there are products you like that aren't available any more, and restaurants.  But some stuff needs to endure. If the government can bail out Fila, then they need to bail out Pepperidge Farm.

So anyway I feel good about cleaning up. I don't know why I couldn't before but I just couldn't.

 Hi everyone, I have been writing a lot of blog posts. I am doing okay and just did a successful instagram order. Hopefully tomorrow, saturday, or sunday, I will walk to the key food and do canned goods. I think that will have me pretty much back to normal for food.

The instagram order was great and a surprising legitimate defense case against my other blog post, saying I gave everyone a kitchenaid mixer that they smashed.  But here we have a thoughtful gift from them, which is snacks and cookies for 62 dollars of SNAP money.  That was all I was awarded, and I think I am expected to ask again with new documents. I will probably do that and tell them I did need for it to make more of a difference.  But it does make some difference and my OTC card doesn't cover the snacks that I chose and usually have to pay for as I run low on my main card each month.  So I am happy, and I saw a person in my neighborhood that I think the conspiracy might bless in some way as a reward for my improved gratitude and attitude.

Anyway, that is weird, isn't it, but I think this went well.  The thing to notice is the tip factor, where I had to tip the instacart driver.  But then, he does get the money and that is good.

There are brave and hardworking young people as delivery drivers, and I believe God will bless them. 

I need to keep cleaning my apartment, which I have worked on some today. I will try to finish the table, put clothes up, and clear the corner.

At 7 and 8 I am going to some presentations.  So now it is about 6. I already drank afternoon coffee.  So I guess the task at hand is the table.

Gice, a photo of the snacks would have been good. Maybe I will add that later, I just felt like putting up the groceries. Gice it was snacks only so very happy and I have pudding in the refrigerator.  

 Gice, I need to go to my program now.  The secret messages are saying that is my dumbest behavior ever, is sharing that post, that I am a narcissist, and Malfoy. And then someone sent an email that was weird too, with one if the actors that I question most. I am sorry but I question that actor.

So anyway, I need to go to the program now. I feel okay that I have this post running.  Is it too sensitive, like did I show a side of myself that is not happy or something.  And I have wondered if I have secret sales that I am supposed to be happy about.  But I am just not sure. I think I have to take the zeroes at face value and throw that analogy out there. Because it also calls into question the conspiracy's treatment of me.  Like did something get taken for granted and I am part of an enterprise that abuses me.

Well maybe that is the point is they are showing themselves as Barnes and Noble in the re-enactment.  But maybe now we see that Barnes and Noble always had a bigger industry besides just its company behind it.  And maybe that is the idea.  But I think those people helped me before. I think they put secret messages in their books as attention for me.

So I do not know except I think my blog post is good. It has 77 views so far.  I think my ad only reached 14 people in USA.  So that is interesting too.  I think possibly what is needed is for Amazon to make books available in India. 

Well, that is all. No one will read this post because the link is directly to that other post.  Was it too rude. I do not know. I think some people will like it. I mean it is weird and I have to consider whether I am consistent enough across all circles. I think I am okay but this confirms my lack of ministry status and why God had me take the path I did. God was nice to me and had a plan.  And it is interesting and what do we know if anything, is that he wants to give everyone 45 million blessings.  I mean that is what we do know.

Well have a good day everyone.

 Hello everyone, it is 1 am on Thursday. Tomorrow I am going to my mental health program. Soon I have to take my medicine.  Facebook is pausing my ad to make the roll out un-ideal for me.  They approved the ad but it is not running, so the post is sharing only to friends right now.  I wanted the post to mainly be an ad and reach a lot of people before my friends saw it.  It shares a blog post that I did want to share with friends, with a secondary audience, but the post was meant to be an ad.  So now it is messed up and driving me crazy, and I don't appreciate it.

Then I just read some sad news and something else that seems a little belated, which is the release of information that Russia and China are setting up military operations in Venezuela.  Well that area has been in turmoil for ten years, so this has been going on for probably quite a while.  Probably the gangs in Haiti are from their allies from who knows where. My guess is Nigeria. And some of their people are already in our country.

Well this makes my post not matter that much, but I still don't understand why it can't go through like normal and why people mess up just about everything I do. 

I say that when my book did arrive on time today, it did turn out like I like it, but I don't understand why I can't have some social peace on facebook.  Why they think it is okay to mess up our lives for sport.  For all their rich employees to say, ha ha, we could mess up every friendship in the world, let's do it.

Anyway, this is all too bad, how we might have a war on our own soil soon, and how infiltrated we have already been. It's awfully suspicious for facebook to also be ruining our lives.