Hello everyone, this is Refried. It is Thursday, March 5 at 2:30 pm.  I slept late today and had a dream where I was trying to get to the airport but was supposed to watch Phantom of the Opera at 12:48 and then I realized it was a.m. and I missed the show but I was glad because I could still get to the airport and then I was driving and then I could not get the gear shift to keep the car in drive and then I was at Carla Murray's childhood home and it was her birthday and there were a lot of boxes of gushers. She was not a child but her mom was there and in charge of the birthday.  Then I woke up and it took me a second to figure out that I don't still have the problem of the driving thing and that it was just a dream. My sister was in the dream, too, and was nice to me. So that is interesting.

I found out on facebook that I don't have much organic reach for the new pages. It probably totals one million for all three of those pages, plus recent jokes page.  And I have thought it might be 5.  But this round of boosts is about 4 million, plus that one million, makes me still be at about 99 million for views.  And if I say "views, likes and shares," then I am at about 110.  And I have said that when I have listed that. I say 100 million views, likes, and shares.  Some people would say, "reaching 100 million people."  But that number is really at about 30 million. Well I think that is great, too. I am happy with those numbers.  It is not good to compare myself to the billions people. It is good to be humble and frankly I truly am content with most of this. I just still feel like there was a weird missing book sales number.

But anyway, today, Bonnie Bridges, who was my 9th grade English teacher, wrote me to say she read my novel.  And her perception of it was awesome, I am so thankful.  And I forgot that I put an English quote from her in the novel.  So that was a surprise for her. And what does it tell you? That God is good.  I mean the way he reached me in that English hall with all those teachers, and journalism class, and yearbook, and newspaper column, I mean it was his work and neat that he would care about a teen like that. I mean he had my whole life in mind and he has been doing that for people since the beginning of time. And I will pass it along to other teens.

And maybe some of the way other people did better than me is a clue of what to hope and pray for from my eventual constituents.  So anyway, that is cool.  I hope the book does well over time, and all the English teachers feel happy.  We had some issues with me and I think some people felt bad, but I wonder if they knew they did well, too. I mean I really had good English teachers.

So anyway, that is cool. That is a great day.  And then yesterday I passed that test.  That was a challenge but I got a 90. That is great for me. The Tuesday test will probably also be a challenge but I believe I can do it if I concentrate. Hopefully my health will hold up. 

 Hello everyone, I passed a test that was not that easy.  And I learned a lot.  I think one of the questions was tricky and why couldn't it be worded the way that matched the chart?  

But it is okay.   I now have 25.5 hours done. But one of those hours doesn't count because it is self study.  So let's see, 3 on Friday, 3 on Saturday, 3 on Monday, 3 on Tuesday, and 3 on Wednesday.  So that will put me at 40 and I will be all set but still be signed up for about three extra sessions.  But that is okay. 

I am learning a lot and it is on my level. So that is good. Next Friday I do the Child Abuse update. After that, I will email the Nysed with my proof of completions and it is going to be okay.

Wow I am glad I got through that quiz just now. It was not that easy. I think it should have been a little bit easier. I told them that on the evaluation. I got a 90 on it, though. So I am thankful for that. There were actually 3 or 4 questions I wasn't sure about.

So anyway, I think I can stay up late tonight but I have inspection tomorrow. Do I have a presentation? I do not think I do.

Wow, that was not that easy. But it was okay. I was able to pay attention and I did learn a lot.

Well, thanks everyone, who has been following along.

Gice is the seminary mad at me? I do not know if they are but sometimes it seems like it and yet wouldn't that be doubtful? And it could be that they are doing it as part of the conspiracy for some reason. 

Well hmm I do not know. But I sent someone a joke book, and I sent a poet teacher a poetry book, and I sent my friend Amy Mostella a library book. The post office questioned me a little bit but I think it is ok.

Well, have a good day, everyone.

 Hello everyone, this is Refried Bean. It is Tuesday, March 3.  At 2 pm I have therapy. Drena is helping me because she knows I am in crisis about the CE credits. But she is also proud of me because I was assertive and proactive.

It is possible that I will go mail a book at about noon but I might wait. I kind of feel content sitting here in my room for a while.

I am in a gender therapy group and they were positive about me going to a conservative event and being honest there.  I appreciated it and had feared that they would not support me even being friends with those people.  But they were supportive, and I think people surprise you sometimes, and as a country we should have already been getting along on this issue. And I think we were about to until the 2020 problems.  It was the politics and election.

I hope Iran gets okay leadership and other middle east places are safe enough from the bombs.  I am not that anti Trump on this issue.  But I also don't know about some of it.

About the CE credits, I am sad to see consistent problems with the social work licensing habits.  The tricky questions, the failure to notify clearly enough about rules, the insinuations that resulting trip ups have an ethical violation quality to them, and then the silencing and isolation meant to force people to respect something not truly respectable. And then some people are successful enough so they support it.  Well I am a little more free and will say some stuff probably. And then it brings back memories of social work school, where I genuinely almost didn't believe it when I encountered those ways. I literally thought it was some kind of psychosis treatment where people did something that made no sense on purpose.

And I can't remember if I already said this, but there are philosophical implications of having a "code of ethics" in the first place.  Because it is conceivable that a profession would adhere to just plain ethics, and that people would generally agree across all boards about what was right and wrong.  But conception might be the issue anyway, mighten it.  Well, that is all, have a good day everyone.

 Hello everyone, today is Mar 2. I am waiting for my therapy group to start at 6 pm. Today I completed 4.5 more CE credits. The presentations were very good. Unfortunately I will not be getting credit for the school social work "course." 

I am at 19.5 credits now. I can do 3 more on video. I think I will do them from TZK instead of NASW. Why? Because I am in the 90s there, which is how it should be when I pay attention to something for one hour and a half and then answer questions about it.

I wish I could do a CE credit tomorrow. I mean maybe do a video.

Well, that is all I will say for now. 

 Hello, this is Refried Bean. I feel upset because there are some implications about just now failing a post test for a social work CE credit.  It frustrated me because I could not check my answers like normal.  And on this test I did something I didn't do for my other tests, which was go back to try to confirm my answers from the video. And I did that because I only had one chance.  So I tried to make sure I wasn't just going by memory.

Well they think they have a system that detects it if you just put the video on in the background.  Well interestingly, I really did pay attention to this, because it is my only video tonight.  So this was it. And I actually could really say a lot about what was in the video.  But it really was boring and horrible.  Just horrible. There was one section that wasn't as bad, when the guy recounted some advocacy campaigns in recent years.  But the rest of it was meaningless flow charts.

And I was like wow I chose a dud, but it is almost over.  I watched it until the end.  However I did check email twice and boosted some ads on facebook.  I doubt that lasted for more than five minutes, and the other videos said you only had to watch 90 percent of the video to take the test.  And I watched a hundred percent of the video.  So then the test had all these bullcrap confusing questions, absolutely confusing on purpose, so I went back to the video to check my answers. And it was hard to find the sections that matched, because it was made like that on purpose. So from their perspective, they caught someone.  Well that is where I said G.D.  Because I absolutely did my due propers, and am being treated like I did something unethical in the social work field, with my license on the line. 

I might have to send them a link to this blog post.  It makes me want to give up on keeping my license. 

Interestingly, I do not even know if my score of 75 was real, because I do not trust them. It also makes me not respect the social work field.  But one of the ethics is to respect and promote social work, but at some point, you have to say, actually, you are the ones with the problem.

 Hello everyone, this is Refried. It is about 1 am on Mar 2. At 10 am I have a social work presentation to go to. I just now watched a video for three hours about advocacy. It was the most boring video I have ever seen in my life.  Then I took a test on it and got five points below passing. And the questions were worded weirdly and so vague.  So I complained.  I think the system might have punished me because I got on facebook and ran ads for my pages during the late part of the video. But I don't think that took more than 5 or 10 minutes, and usually you only have to watch 90 percent of the video.  

So I complained in two places about how I felt it was unfair. I sent an email and left a message.  And it will impact my other participations. Then there is the fact that I have a disability and don't need any bullcrap. It is bullcrap for them to shark you with an automated system.

Now I think I will do a few more videos.

 Hello everyone, this is Refried. It is 4:30 on Friday. I am doing okay after a crazy week. I posted some posts on facebook and mostly got a lot of support. 

I think I traumatized a few friends who were also shaken up the last time I spoke out about my main rejection and career loss.  I think because they have treated me well, they don’t see what’s missing. They might not really see any of the five career losses. All of those devastations were mean and unfair, and there is a range of the cost for all of them. Both in terms of what was invested and what was prevented. 

And then the issue of who took or ruined the opportunities and how. I do not know to what extent I should try to explain. One career truly was worth millions and no one believes that but I do know that and a few other people know it as well. And then the cashiering career, to be a Starbucks worker or something like that, seems like the least loss, but in a way it was the worst. Because people had to take away my health to prevent that, and I am going to die from it without anyone even getting fired, much less the criminal charges they deserve. And the fact that a job like that was already my main means of basic survival and societal participation.

But I do have it good in a housing program and yet even here just a year ago I was being tortured for two years by racist trash. It just seems like I am ok though, and no harm no foul. 

But I can see the finish line. I could drink too much coffee now and be gone in an hour. If I get too many bad emails in a day I will have to have emergency gallbladder surgery.

People have careers and houses and fame with just one out of a thousand of the ideas and projects I have done. Yet I can barely walk down the street past all the dropout drug dealers who mock me and block me.

Spiritually I have to accept total loss each time I think I have recovered from another insult of being left out of national discussions and symbolic paychecks. I have to repeatedly conclude that I can just start over again in heaven. Well I am glad to know about heaven and maybe that is one of God’s lessons and purposes for me. But other people seem to have a lesson of harvesting their work and being allowed to not be perfect.

What people have done for me in a recovery path is very precious and priceless but there is something I will not be able to pretend is okay. And I can already see that when it happens to me, it is God’s will, but when it happens to everyone else, there will be a war.