Hello everyone, it's me again. I just need to reiterate how sweet Dr. Oouyang is. The notes are really sweet and I hope that this positive can help me get through a bad time with this problem.  

I need to rest and then go do laundry. I do feel tired. I think I am not manic and have gotten plenty of sleep lately but am worn out from psychological. I mean it is psychiatric actually. But I am okay and not seeing any more visions so far. But that is fine.  That is not really the issue.

The issue is I am going crazy in this apartment and fell behind on chores a little.  And yet not that bad, just some trash to take out and laundry.

Also a friendly face from Mensa.  Some nice people who supported me.  That is nice of them and humble. They took a beating sometimes but I am one of them so we are in it together in terms of seeking credit for a test score from high school that is partially a measure of privilege. I mean just admit it. We read books.

So anyway. Will I do laundry now or at like 6 am. I am thinking at about 2 am. And I can use the elevator so that is really nice. I think another thing is bothering me is that there are some flies and bugs in my apartment. But I have fly paper. So that is not out of control either.  I think my schedule is clear this week so I will clean up if I can.

There was something funny on the notes. People are really creative and I appreciate it. It is fun games and helps Ravneet feel better and be safe too. Is that true Ravneet. Ravneet would say, Well...

Pretty funny. Ok everyone I think we all did okay and this is hard times but let's just get the ideas on paper and it is a meaningful happy purpose. 

I think I am expected to be age appropriate in a certain way which is so crazy. Another creative, funny thing.  But I am saying is that I am an oldie but goody at that organization while also being a child at heart.  And so many of them are like that.  And who cracked the code? People from a long time ago. I mean how sweet and thoughtful. They saw my lonely art appreciation, that did in fact have relief from some stars, and then they cracked the code that I was a children's book person. I mean how sweet.  And I am like, I like Sandy Skoglund and surrealism.  And they are like, this is a children's book author.

So anyway that is happy. Hopefully I won't fall asleep yet and I can get stuff done and be ready to do three socializing tomorrow plus medicine. Yay for anxiety medicine that might actually make me feel better.

 Hello everyone, this is Refried. I had an online appointment for my face and Dr. Ouyang helped me so much. Thank you Dr. OuYang.  I love all the NYP doctors so much and other medical people too, but people are mean to me sometimes so I can't just go around saying everyone does right. But Dr. Ouyang prescribed me something different than usual and I think it might really help.

So that is cool and at least I have some hope.  But I will also need to use self control. 

Anyway I feel a little better. I think I also need to clean up a little in the apartment and that will help.  And then getting out tomorrow will be good.  And I should go do laundry in a little while. It will be fine.

So what else to say. I do not want to be presumptuous of people if they do not feel mutual with me but I felt a peace from the author Sharon Flake that made me remember teaching days.  And it is reminiscent of the connection I feel with Lucille Clifton for certain reasons and the comfort I felt when Nikki Giovanni died. And I don't know how much to say about it except that I think in some way I am going to sit at the black table for literary heaven. I mean probably I could have kept that to myself and I don't mean it in more thorough ways than it is.  And I do not plan to steal from other people who are those people's Refried Beans, like I am for Ogden Nash, Roald Dahl, and maybe Anne Lamott and a few others. Like what I am saying is the club I am imposing myself on is full of other people's example writers.  But there is something different than that for me that overlaps with my teaching and reading life. I am going to try to send Dr. Tracy a note soon to tell her I met Sharon Flake.  And as for what I have read, shelving is something too, and could be more in some ways. And I do not mean to diminish anything but it was a social peace.  But social peace can also be supernatural but that was a happy time that I had and then maybe I ruined it but I think I didn't. 

People have done a lot for me and I think a lot of people are in for a happy surprise. If you are wrenched by this then you probably have an India on the horizon.  And Africa. So anyway, thanks everyone.

I am going to see if there are notes from my frantic doctor's visit and then I will try to do laundry. I am not sure I have the ticket I need for the comedy show tomorrow but it will be okay. And I should invite my friend Katie to go to the show instead of just meeting up later so what does this mean. Maybe get up early.

Ok there is something I left out but am still thinking about. It is about A.P. and how much like an advertiser she is. So I need to think about some more branding and interpretation.  Also is there a muslim task at hand that is not complete yet even by me. Like maybe I need to be alert to help people.

 Hello everyone. It is 10:42. I am listening to music. I need to take some trash out and do laundry.

I think I will try to do laundry in about an hour.

I had a good time at the conference. I think I am always going to be a little out of it from now on.

I am glad I was able to go to all the sessions. It was easy to attend. I had a good time and met a lot of people.

I feel like I have a lot of children’s book friends now.

Something funny happened from an artist I like who does clay creatures that are cute. I showed one to a good person and told her I think ai scraped him.

So that was a good experience.

I have three or four leads for follow ups and bought three books.

My face is messed up from latuda and anxiety and the bridge mistreating me. I think everyone knows it. Like how can we mess up this persons life. Well we just help Satan like normal. Yours truly, mental health workers.

Anyway I am thinking about doing an online appointment about the face but really what can be done. I just need to calm down.

I still feel kind of scrambled and angsty but I think it is really all contained in my face. And my breathing is ok. So it is like this is how the anxiety is hitting me. From a month of harassment and fear and thwarted living.

But I also feel it might be a test of worthiness for writing for teens. And a message from God to the children’s book community that I probably always will be a teen myself.

And I think they got it and that guy was his name Paul told people to be a child. I mean that is excellent.

I like that lady who said not to sleep in the poppy field too. I mean that is good classic advice.

Well, that is all for now. Thanks everyone for tracking along. I had a fun time I just feel it was weird about my new computer and the face etc.

 Hello everyone, this is Refried. It is 8:11 am.  I just tidied up a little bit and put trash into a bag. I also paid some credit card bills and am okay for a month. I need to see if the U.S. bank card has gotten here yet and then I might apply for that synchrony card.

There is a secret message about a baby anteater. I am the baby anteater but I don't know exactly what it means.

I got some sleep last night and took my medicine. I kind of think I should have talked to my friend who wanted to talk but I needed a break. I mean days of a break.  But maybe tonight I will call after the conference.

There is a lot of bad news in the news. How is my face doing. Not that good but it is okay.

I think I should listen to music and try to get my mind in order. I have some coffee and what will I eat for lunch? Maybe an enchilada. Maybe some ice cream.

Well, that is all. Have a good day, everyone.

Hello everyone, it is 3:30. I missed a presentation because of having air meet problems.  But they sent an easy link so there is no excuse for my problems. But it is okay.  And I am not going to the meeting later tonight because I have a comedy meeting.  Possibly I should work on the cheesecake jokes.

I am drinking some coffee now so that is nice. I need to tidy up but I did just drain the sink water. I mean maybe wash the dishes soon because I bought those new sponges.

There is some good news which is the elevator is working again now.  That was kind of rough. But I felt better this week about it and did the best I could.

I put some new sheets on my bed and I think that solves that problem for now.  I think I will order a new sleeping bag sometime.

I paid my late bill but am still getting calls but hopefully tomorrow I can pay all the cards for now.

This morning after I took my medicine I slept some more and had a dream that I was generating inappropriate content on ai.  Not for other people but for myself.  But right now I have no temptation to do that and feel normal. So that is good.

ok anything else. I think that is all.

Gice the person yesterday reminded me of my outburst 7 years ago.  I do need to mention that to someone sometime and say sorry about that.  But I think it is okay.

I am sad that I missed this last presentation but I will try to catch it later.

Well, have a good day, everyone.

 Hello everyone, this is Refried Bean. It is July 30. 

I am going to an online conference today.

I think it will be fun. I already did one session.

I had interesting dreams this morning. 

I think soon I am going to walk to westchester sq. 

But I took my medicine so possibly I won't feel well enough.

But probably I will leave soon and it will be okay.

Definitely the conference said some stuff about ai.

I think it is empowering to people who feel like their work will be copied.

But I use ai sometimes and think that actually I am most likely to be copied.

Like literally possibly more than anyone else.

But it is not all about me. 

I think people are allowed to copy me and then say I copied them.

 Pals that was a good grocery haul yesterday. I am thankful and I had a good day. It was also a Ravneet sighting.  That is so sweet. Ravneet has been giving me very good secret messages.

Pals can we agree that I am not the proverbial person of the day at this conference? But I am a nice participant but people generally are a step up from me? Also I am disabled and I believe people's career is not hinging on being discovered by me in an awkward conversation. I am going to try not to be too hyper in the chats also. Remember those other times?  But I did like all those people. But I might not be on the prowl for an agent.  But hopefully I will also be respectful.  Because I do have some respect but in some ways I think the book industry could have been more warehouse-y and less BN control.

Also I believe the mistreatment of evangelicals, southerners, and poor whiteys is a hypocrisy that will not be overlooked by history.

Anyway that is enough of that. 

Does anyone have any thoughts? That was not cool that I did two cheesecake posts but I was trying to tag my cheesecake group. But they felt that my post was inappropriate. A store bought cheesecake when they are professionals in some cases.  Get it cases? Bake cases?

Well, that's all everyone, thank for reading my blog.  6000 views in a month!