Hello everyone, this is Refried. It is June 18. I just talked to my mom.  Her knee is bothering her and she is using the walker instead of the cane.  The doctor thinks her knee is hurting because of compensating from the hip.  Hopefully she will feel better soon. I mean maybe even in a day from resting it.

She was proud of me for doing the comedy show.  I did have a joke about her but that is normal for comedians to do that.  You just kind of have to, more so than even being a nonfiction writer or doing memoir and essays. So I think it is okay.

About a hundred people watched my whole comedy video.  That is really good and is rewarding on facebook. So I am thankful for the facebooking that I still have. But I miss my friends and life woudl be different if I saw their posts more often and heard from them more, too.  But I got about 60 likes on that photo and 42 likes on the video. And probably some people don't click like until they know what content is. I do not know if I will be judged for any of it.  I feel okay about all the jokes.  Some didn't hit that well and get a huge laugh but mostly it was a good audience that laughed plenty. But that is an interesting thing in comedy is that you really can't totally predict the audience.  I think this audience felt a little sorry for me and could see my disability.  But I think they did like me and my jokes, too.  Several people said so after the show, and I don't usually get that.

I think also even though I am not sure I got my outfit right and I am not looking very good, this is all more experience and I learn something new each time.  But I also think that my disability limits me and I can't control the performance perfectly because of the memory challenge. Like it is really freaking hard for me to remember the jokes, and you can see me stumble a little bit sometimes.  And that is all while not nailing the mood and style and eye contact, etc.  But I think it could improve with practice.

I hope I can sign up for that next class. I think I might need to pay the deposit and then get the rest of it. My finances just aren't great right now.

 Gice honestly this was not that easy of a day, waiting two hours for that video to download, then two twenty minutes again to upload, then the nonideal facebook boost, and facebook manipulating me to format things in ways that benefit them.  I need to not be swayed by the numbers.  My friends who watched the video do like it. And I am not boosting it to strangers.  I can see the plan, to do individual joke clips for what I know is perfectly original and memorable, and I will send that around sometime. I mean when, I do not know.  The urgency I feel is kind of because of computer files.  

So I am thinking save a bunch of clips in the quick time program, and then translate them to reels, put them all on one page, and then boost over time in the fall, probably.  I mean maybe people say, why wait, well there is a reason, and that is financial.

I mean saving the clips could be a project very soon. But I should think, because there are a lot of comedy videos out there now, and do I need to join a frenzy or just be patient and share a little bit here and there as I feel like it. I mean I do not know.  I just really love memes.  Memes are legit.  Possibly I could be one of the bad guys not giving some jokesters their full credit as comedians.

So anyway.  I am tired. I guess watch some youtube and listen to music.  What is tomorrow.  Tomorrow is clean up and maybe use OTC for coffee at Key Food.

 Hello everyone, this is Refried. It is 11:23. I am drinking coffee but it did not brew right so it is questionable but okay. I posted my video earlier and I felt kind of middle of the road about it, like not as enthused as I felt Sunday immediately after the show.  But the people who watched it liked it and got the jokes, and there is nothing I really feel ashamed of about it. I mean I don't like that I start closing my eyes too much in the second half, but it is only four minutes,  And I am okay with the rocking even though I kind of look a little too much like I am dancing.  But it's not that bad and I think it is an okay amount that I stop sometimes and stand still.  And then the rushed, stress feeling, I think no one really notices that much because of the variety on facebook, and because of the sound being off for some people.  

I am okay with the captions and think the jokes still come through.  Basically it is a video of me doing actual stand up comedy and I am happy with that.  I think I am not going to send it around with a boost but I might harvest all the videos sometime and take the jokes out.  I think that would give me about 40-50 usuable clips and I could do them as reels and put them on a separate page with some other selfie videos and boost them sometime.  I mean maybe shoot for the fall on that, or consult with the teacher of the trauma class which I will hopefully take soon.  I need to ask my mom tomorrow.

Anyway, appearance.  It is just a huge shirt and I think I look kind of larger than I had to in the video, but really it is a real thing that I am over-overweight.  But the reasons for that are psych meds and abuse, and I will do the best I can.  I mean things will go how they go.  I think I will try to do some walks downtown.

Also- profile views.  It is okay. I am just mostly okay and consistent throughout the six videos that I have. I just really think it is okay and other people are other people and I am me for certain reasons.  And I did keep in shape for the first 20 years of adulthood.  And then seven in new york until the bad people ruined it. I mean how bad.  God will say how he feels about it someday. To me it seems that with my particular case, he always thinks it is best to let the damages accrue.

 Hello everyone, this is Refried. I got my comedy video back and it is good. It is a keeper.  I will probably share it on facebook soon, though I might wait some hours or a day until I fully have thought about it more.  I think there are some delivery issues that could be better. At least I can see it for myself.  I just think some of it is an ability issue where I really might not be able to do better unless i am performing more often.  I checked out a lot of other comedy sites and saw a few possible paths that don't seem just right.  But it helps me see I am on a good path already.

My therapist gave me a link that I think could work out but I need to ask my mom to help me take the class. I hope she says okay because it is a cool trauma class.

The video is one fifth downloaded after twenty minutes.  Man it will be hard to be patient. I think my internet is normal instead of slow starting tomorrow so I could try again if I am not able to be patient enough today. I mean honestly it could be impossible.

Has anyone else seen my video? What do you gice think? I think it is pretty good but I am not a superstar. I mean I felt a little bit at superstar level but I think I have some things working against me. Mostly my appearance is okay but a little too pudgy. Eyes are closed too much, my teacher has told me that before. But I did look at the audience sometimes.

I think it is okay. I am just disabled. I am a writer. I do the best I can. 

Well, let's see if this blog post will post without disrupting the download.

 Pals, this is Refried. It is Wednesday, June 17. I just ordered some groceries from Instacart.  It is a nice luxury for me but I did save SNAP 30 thousand dollars by delaying my dependence. I unfortunately forgot to order coffee and added it and I think they automatically recharged for fees. But maybe it will be deducted again but it is questionable. 

I will be waiting until about 1 pm and then I will go outside. I ordered a lot of junk food unfortunately but there are a few good meals too.  Like what about 6 things, plus eggs, meat, and cheese.  And I have been eating peanut butter rice which is yummy.  I do not need to be judged but I do understand a little bit.

Well my comedy video is not here and I know Ben did go out of town but it is weird and different than normal. I mean is he preparing me for not getting a good video because really my performance went well.

I could have gone downtown today to get a rent check but I didn't.  Tomorrow I could go but the parade traffic might be bad. But I could go to 86 street in the morning. I mean I do not know.

Last night I had an interesting dream of being in a map place and that was neat and felt supernatural.  Then this morning I had another dream where I went to a thrift store and the lady who worked there was mean to me.

Do people like those jokes from yesterday? I think I have almost enough for a whole new routine. i mean should I do an open mic. I am actually not feeling it, like I am kind of feeling like stick with classes. But I like the New York Comedy Club logo. I mean maybe check out a show from their list and then see how far away I am from that level.

Well, have a good day everyone.

 

Hey everyone, here is my comedy class from May 5 for 6 weeks. It was very fun and I think I have a consistent hobby. To me, this does reach into identity. I will say again that I think some church people tell everyone that their identity is in christ, meanwhile withholding opportunities for some people to express their true nature. It really means a lot to me for childhood ambitions to come true in New York City. I am really thankful and I encourage everyone to find their way to some kind of open mic at some point. It can really change your life and make other problems fade away.

 Hello everyone. This is Refried. I had a great day. I woke up, logged onto a group on Discord, then traveled downtown to go to an autism event.  Unfortunately I got detoured on the way and cursed a little bit incessantly as my cart hit gates forcing me away from the Puerto Rico parade.  But I eventually got to the event in Brooklyn and had a great time.  I gave away about 55 books and it went well.  For a second it seemed like I wasn't going to succeed at giving away the books.

There is a cool person named Sy-aire who is in charge of the autism organization and I feel happy for them. The book giving went mostly pretty well but it was not easy but I will try to attend next year, too.

After that event I took the A train to my comedy show and it was amazing how close the train stop was to the location.  I went to a coffee shop to recharge and then met my class at the venue.  I was not as nervous as sometimes but was nervous for longer.  I obsessed about the show for a week.  But I think I learned the material better than usual. It went really well.  I hope I get a good video. It might not be that good in terms of appearance but I think the joke delivery and laughs were good.  This is my sixth show. That is really cool and if you think about it, I have performed 42 times, because we do our jokes at class, too.  I mean honestly, that is not easy. 

So I think this was a really good weekend and I had memes sharing on facebook, too. It was a high functioning time.  My friend Sharon attended the comedy show and we went to a diner afterwards.  Then the train on the way home was as empty as it has ever been.  Also the Knicks won, and yesterday I went to an online retreat for writing.  I did not do that well but it was still fun and I will try to mail Charissa a book to England.

I mean why not have some blessings and things go well. 

My finances are kind of tight but it is not an emergency.

I got some sleep last night and hopefully I will get more sleep later at about 5 am.

I realized that I should have invited my writers group to the comedy class show but maybe next time. I mean honestly I think the writers group sessions are already a thing. But probably a few of those people would have enjoyed the show. Also what about Mary Catherine who came to that other show. I mean maybe the idea is one person at a time. Also I might have told Dan Frey that I would invite him.  I actually think the thing to invite him to is to do a class himself.  I think that is what I will try to do.

Well, have a good day everyone.