Wow I had such a great time at hope lab tonight. It was great. It was a treat for people who are sensitive but you can't assume they don't have mental illness but I think that people without mental health diagnosis also need reflection for their psychological states.

So that is interesting. I wrote two blurbs and shared them and it was fun, thanks MC. 

I will post the blurbs on my poems page.

Ravneet is so proud of me.

I had a good day. I mostly slept.  This morning my mood was not great but I am okay. I had to take a latuda so I would not get in trouble. I mean I kind of think I should stay on the Latuda but I wonder if it causes the low iron.  Does anyone have any opinions?

I ate some chocolate earlier and it was nice. And I had some pieces of frozen pizza that I cooked in the oven.  It was also yummy. And some coke. I think I have now had two coffees.

I should have tried to make friends with that hospital guy at Dunkin Donuts. But I guess maybe he is just a nice person in my community. 

So okay Jacobi is saying I am part of their community. What does this mean, I do not know.

I truly just do not know.  I think it has to do with rejecting the evangelical church. Like my acceptance at NYU was based on not being an evangelical but I insisted on being a rep from evangelical. I mean you guys are the ones with the problem on that.

Anyway I am feeling the spiritual feeling that happens when I share jokes in India.  So which ones will it be.  I want to share the idolatry meme because it is so cute and funny but I am not sure the audience will get the references. I mean maybe some people. I just don't know. But it is the funniest in a certain way. I don't plan to boost any posts immediately. I mean can I even afford it. I do not know.

The number of thru plays for that church poem video was 40 thousand. I mean that is great.  I am thankful and I feel that is a good outlet for those poems.

Well, I had a good night. Thanks also to Tami for the fun Complex minds meeting.  There were a lot of sad topics today but we got through it. It was a good mood.  So that is cool. Many hands make light work in terms of getting through problems. I think some of it is too much bad news on our feeds.  And other than that, it is mostly a load that a lot of people are bearing okay.

 Pals I removed that post because of the low numbers.  Facebook doesn't even show me the likes sometimes anymore.  So that is all for me on that one. I mean I put myself out there. And it was kind of an ugly meme. 

I just had some weird dreams but I am glad I slept.  Then I took my medicine. I did not skip Latuda even though I am going to ask Dr. Talreja if we should switch to Risperdal.  Because I am wondering if the anemia is from latuda. I mean personally I think it could be.

But probably it is from lupus. It is kind of weird to say that word. I might be okay with waiting on the diagnosis but maybe not because it is taking a toll on other health aspects and I get the blame.

Anyway yesterday was a weird day. It did not help to miss the Nami meeting.

Also I think the jalapeño poppers were what sat out recently and were old and that is not good for my IBS. But I am okay. I mean that meme wasn't a big deal.

Let's think, how much did I sleep.  Maybe a few hours. And I will sleep some now probably because of the medicine. But I might not take a walk like yesterday. But who knows, maybe I will.

There is not really anything planned for today. I am glad to have a free day.

I am not happy that I just took Latuda but I could really get abused if I skip it. So I will wait and ask Dr. Talreja about the medicine. 

Well, have a good day everyone.

 Hello everyone, this is Refried. I think my post is fine. I mean maybe no one wants to read the blog. Possibly I should have put it on this blog but I felt that it was a worldly monk post.

Today I have an online group and then maybe creative writing but maybe not. I defriended the bad person from that group and may never go back. I mean close range overt bullying in a group of five people. Wow, I feel bad for you. 

Anyway, some of this mob stuff about the autistic professor seems to be going in a direction of targeting free speech.  But I might be wrong.  They might just be using their free speech against people who bullied someone. 

I think there could be an issue where assembly loses its power.  Like the protesting gets overdone. But I could be wrong. I mean maybe something is usually better than nothing.

I am a little bit worried about being tased to death, or at all.  I think that the staff here at housing already has tasers sitting on their desks. It looks like a yellow and black tennis racket. Gloves, to me, are on another level.  And I have some sympathy for people like EMS workers if they are told to start using that.  Not everyone will feel strong enough to leave over it or lose their job, etc.

That is just me. I am also heartbroken and horrified for the immigrants.  But it is weird that I could also be tased as early as tomorrow.  Which reminds me that I need to check and see when my psychiatrist appointment is.

As for my other post, I mean the way the church just kept teaching that bullcrap with a third of their congregants going through mental health stuff. And thinking people were too stupid to see through it.

 Hello everyone, this is Refried. I paused my post.  Facebook did not give me good enough numbers.  Only 80 people per dollar.  That is not enough. It has to be a hundred or I do not boost the post. It is not fair. It is their same censorship that they have done to me for ten years.  I am thankful for my audience in India and I will focus on that.

It is fine with me if this post only goes to my facebook friends.  I mean in a way it means facebook has now taken two salaries from me.  My American audience and the payment for my Indian audience.  That is two different careers. Well I am happy that my work did reach some people and was not totally wasted. And I did see that they list me as a beneficiary for the ads.  Conspicuously not the people who get free jokes.  That does not change the truth that they get my content and my money.  A reverse salary.

I mean at this point I may have a strong legal case against them. However I am still just waiting to see what happens. Like is there some channel that someone else has that will end up being how my books sell.

I do not know.  The number 80 is interesting too, because it is almost enough to boost anyway.

But I will not be kicking myself.  All I know is I did everything I could for myself and others.  And it was blocked. And the people who thought they were different and special are just like everyone else.  No one is that great.  We all deserved a normal, fair voice on social media.  

I mean you could look at it as a trial run for doing some of this leveraging in real life.  And it was a tragic failure and disgraceful injustice.  So now we know.  I mean wow, people lost me, and this is how.

I am not sure about this new thing where facebook doesn't show me my likes.  But it shows other people and they can tag my page without me knowing it.  How absurdly persecutory.  But at least they did let me run that other ad, but possibly because they think people can use it against me.

Ok everyone, I posted a post.  It is good, but I know some people are like "too late," or "it's about time." But really I was twenty years ahead of any of y'all so I don't need your bullcrap either.  It is both churches. It is also the liberals. There is racism there, too.  The self righteous milking of your own appopriation that just happened to be more successful. Sorry but I do not buy into that either.

You will also get your blog posts so don't get too proud. It is not me against the world. You want to say I am saying I am the only person who did right. But I am not.  And a lot of the people were in churches, and went wherever they could.  They went to work.  They did what they were supposed to, only to be called racist bigots, and if you persecute us then you will be found out as persecutors.  And you say now I am doing it, but I am not.

And don't get me started on the Mexicans, either.  Because there was disrespect there, and all three parties procrastinated. And what am I doing, telling the truth as my years dwindle with no salary for five careers. People arranged for me to do it all anyway, but just not get paid.  What a good deal. For who?  Where is the cash? It is not just cash. It is other stuff of value. Follow the money, follow the life.  

Now what. I have a meeting at 1 pm.  The speech I want to make at Toastmasters might be about how in middle school I sat on the couch with the catalog, things you never knew existed but can't possibly live without.  And there were a lot of things I wanted but I could only get the 6 things for 99 cents each deal.  But I also wanted the tiniest bible in the world trinket but could not afford it.  So I got the disappearing ink and handbuzzer and snake in a can trick. Man it was all so funny.  And that is is how it worked out in life, too.  So that will be my speech. Now you are all included in Toastmasters.

 Hello everyone. I think the iron pill immediately helped my tongue. I still feel muscle pains in my leg sometimes. I think I am ok with that. I don’t have bad fatigue and my tongue is okay. I think I have lost some weight since reducing the latuda. But it could be because my scale is off balance but I think it is an improvement.

So anyway I am microwaving some coffee.

I think I will clean a little today. I just took out the trash. I mean actually my apartment is not that bad. I think maybe I should clear the sink and counter. I only have one more main dish left plus clean the sink.

How did I do at the conference. I think I did well. I don’t know how my queries will go. Also the questionable meme. But I think some people want it to be the end of my career when it isn’t and shouldn’t be.

Anyway I am sad about ICE having electric shock gloves. I fear that also as a mental patient. It is not humane.

Well, have a good day everyone.

 Hello everyone, this is Refried. I tried to go to a picnic today and I could not find it. I also went to the wrong place first so I had to get a cab and try again.  So it ended up being a costly trip but I got through it.  I ended up going to one of my favorite diners but the steak and eggs was not great. It was okay but not like last time.  I did not order a coffee.  I just got one here at home. 

My tongue got burnt yesterday on pizza but I think it is also messed up from low iron.  But my fatigue is not that bad. I need a haircut and I think I was kind of baggy today and need to shape up a little.

I feel tired from feeling some grief about my humor writing career and what might have been etc. The humor writing event kind of reminded me of that but I am okay. I had a great time. I thought of something really funny as soon as it started.

I feel like we need to consider that the Latuda might be causing the low iron.  Because did it happen before? No. and it is very serious. I also think scheduling the next appointment for 6 months away kind of makes it seem like it is okay when it is not.

Anyway there have been some weird trolls lately.  I feel bad for them and I think they have a delusional hope that there will be some kind of public shaming of me some day.  

I had a religious vision yesterday of Jesus looking like Moses on the ark. As in Noah's ark. Isn't that weird? I am not sure what it means. I had some interpretations but I was kind of out of it and tired.

Anyway I need to call my mom this week and see how she is feeing about her next hip surgery. I can't believe she has to do it again. I hope it goes well.

That is all for now. Does anyone have any opinions?