Ok everyone, here is a mouse picture. What I am not sure about is if the mice hands are weird or if it is okay. I think mice do eat like that but I am not posting it because it seems iffy like is it a weird image.

Here is another one that is not as cute but maybe more safe:

The other thing to say is that I think we have about 30-80 million really bad people in our country. What are we going to do about it. It is not just an immigration problem and a lot of those people are good people, like not a little bit good but very good and innocent. But this segment I am talking about is bad, abusive, dangerous. I mean think of that many bad people, it is almost incomprehensible. I think 80 is a high estimate and some of that may just be anger and poverty.  But the thirty I feel pretty certain of.

Well, that is all. Do you guys think I should try to work again? Some of the in person torment has gotten better so the main thing now is paranoia and there could be environments where that is okay.

Well, have a great day everyone.

 

 Hello everyone.

It is 9 pm on Halloween. People are out there living their lives and it is not up to me to solve their problems. I prayed some prayers and then got distracted. I like turbo boosting other prayers and imagining people who pray and then doing the lord's prayer behind them. I think that is good team work.

I have high hopes for being on Judgement Day staff or rewards committees. I will try to nominate other people too and some recent nominees are the theology beer camp people.  

I think one thing we will want is to have forgiven the people who bothered us in various ways.

Anyway that is enough of that. I wonder what Ravneet was for halloween this year. Probably a Mrs. Shark. Yoo hoo, Ravneet.

Ravneet told me a message of something to pick up at the store.

Got it Ravneet. And I will probably send out more joke books soon. I need to list the recent recipients.

I miss the hospital but I will go back Wednesday. I guess that is my hospital now. I think it will be a good time and they need my prayer more than the decoy reverse place.

I think there was a power against me there and I think usually it was too strong for me so what should we think about that, I do not know. But it was a good sign to see the castle and feel okay.  But one measly demon is not enough to conquer and I miss the hallucinations.

Well, that is all. Have a great day everyone.

 Happy Halloween, everyone. I just cooked and ate some frozen pizza.  It was pretty good. Then I ate some mike and ikes. Soon I will eat an ice cream. I bought some candy at the store and it did cost me a chunk from a bank account credit line. But I think I am okay for the week.  Tomorrow I will try to go to a different grocery store. Should I go today at 3 pm? I think I will stay here.  

I skipped a nami group because I did not want to be inescapabale. People think I take up too much space but there are a lot of groups that I do not attend.  Why not be a regular at one or two groups.

I do the best I can.  I forgot to talk to my therapist about a certain thing today but I did talk to her and it was fun. She is helping me and we got through a risk when I signed up for hospital care.

My neck is getting better but I think it will be a few days before it is back to normal. I hope it will be back to normal but it is possible that this aggravation will last a while.

Gice do you think I should go to that other grocery store? I just don't know because I think I have enough food for today. But the subway might be closed tomorrow. But what if I walk there next time? It is far but not that far.

Anyway does anyone have any thoughts? I wish I could read more of the notes from my PHP visits.  But I got to read some of it. My therapist said I am autistic, not narcissistic.

I am sharing a few posts online today and it is slightly different from some other times. It is going well and people are nice to me. I think Swapna said hello and a few other familiars. 

I guess I could make some more ai art for a while.  Are you guys proud of me for not ordering a pizza? If you think about it I saved about 40 dollars.  And then spent it on candy and other food. So that is good.

Gice people are living their lives. There are a lot of lonely kids out there who might not have anyone to trick or treat with. So I will pray for them and hopefully people will mobilize to offer social groups and church life for more people. I think our country needs to grow out of our bickering and see the common goals and there is certainly enough suffering for us to do that.

Well anyway, have a good day everyone.

 

 Gice it is kind of weird about Jamaica, isn't it.  I think that they got through the actual storm well and now they need a lot of aid and relief.  And if people botch this and can't help them then that is a racist tragedy.

But what I am saying is that for some reason this hospital program was a key thing in my life. I am glad it went well. But I felt how it was destined to go well and I would not be able to quit and not attend.  And I did not get sick or have trauma that prevented it. I could feel that one day, how it was on the table for me to miss some of it and yet I simply didn't and would not fail because it was God's plan.

Aside from the PFR reminders and possible internal repair, I think there might be something deeper to think about which is Islam and the Muslims' relationship with God.  Like in my life there was something that happened with how I related to God, and how I didn't feel the close friendliness in the same way as high school. Something interfered with my perception of him in a very chronic way. But he was still helping me and I prayed a lot. I just think there is something similar to the deception challenges of Islam that my own experience with mental illness teaches me about. Like the actual relational condition of it.  Being friends with God but there is a layer of misperception in between actual God and your prayers. 

People might say not to say that but you do not know what my depression did to me and the nature of my faith and what was missing.  And to be judged for it. And I think part of the hope of it is that God defeats Satan within the actual assault and strategies against us.  The way it backfires is very close to our souls. And there could be not even just millions but a billion saved souls within that abrahamic faith.

Okay that is all. No one thought I would go in that direction with my reflections about how weird it is that a hurricane like that hit Jamaica at this time, but I think part of that could be a revelation of what Jamaicans are willing to do for people.  It is a Christian country and what just happened was glorious.  Their endurance and faith. It is underestimated like Haiti.  Now they need emergency care and people better deliver or their disgrace could be unprecedented.

Well have a good day everyone.

 Hello everyone, today is Oct 30. Tomorrow is Halloween.  I wish I had a pizza but the weather is not nice .I just ate some butterscotch pancakes. I might need to walk to 7-11 later for some water.

My neck still hurts but it is better than when I would go to the hospital program.  So hopefully it will relax over the next few days. I am kind of worried that it got jammed out of place and I can remember now what probably did it.  I think it was the cab driver who I talked to about Uber and he jolted me on purpose on Gun Hill road during the second trip that he drove me on.  I had been nice to him before and we had an interesting conversation and then the second trip was weird and he stared at me in the mirror towards the end of the trip.  When we were near either the bridge section or near the school he jerked the car a lot and I knew it was to bother me.  And now my old neck injury is aggravated.  I do not plan to make an issue of it but I will say it on this blog because probably that was it, and I wonder what the point was. Like what did people think was so important to do as to injure my neck for at least two weeks now and possibly more months ahead.

Anyway that is weird and then yesterday's support group was a thing but hopefully okay. 

I guess at about 3:30 maybe I will go get water so I can make coffee. Am I going to make strawberry pretzel salad soon? I do not know.

I had such a good time at the hospital.  They really did help my problems. I am amazed and I should do the best I can to not reverse anything.  The doctor thinks I should take more medicine but I know I should keep the medicine more than minimal.

Anyway later I might read Poncheesy.  I am thinking about how my writing life is blessed.  And sometimes other stuff doesn't go as well but God provides for that too.

 Hello everyone, today is Wednesday, October 29.  Soon I am going to an online meeting and leaving early to go to another meeting. I went to my last day at PHP today and it was so fun. The whole program was amazing and I feel that the hospital really did help me with my symptoms and attitude problems.  My view of the Bronx had become very negative and the people I was with restored it in many ways. And then some gangs said hello when I was waiting for my cab ride, and I have always felt my love for gangs returned. So that is sweet and I will try to pray them up some stuff.

Wow there were cool people at the hospital and I made awesome friends. I hope they all find me on facebook. I have two emails. I should have written down the name of the Thai restaurant for Sharif.  But maybe we can go there sometime with Will and Liz or something.

New interesting pal: Wilbert. I will send him some designs for his screen printing and tell him about the AI generator in case he wants to use it.

We did a concert today and it went well.  I did not do perfect on the last song but I think that is okay. Over all, our band did great and I told my two jokes and that was okay too. I had a weird pause but I think that is from my condition which sometimes gives me thought stopping.

I think I did okay distributing books too. I can't remember if I gave Dr. Sharma a book another time, but I could include her if I do a revisit for christmas or something.

So that hospital has been nice to me and it is really inappropriate for me to have delusions that Satan works there. But I think they know I had a a rough time in the inpatient unit two years ago.

It was so fun, the people were so cool. I will miss it a lot but I am seeing two doctors at the hospital now and I can go say hello sometime.  Well now I am going online, have a great day everyone.