So the conspiracy is saying that it wasn't for just nothing, but it was for something, nothing, and worse than nothing.  So it is probably okay to focus on the middle storyline where it is a matter of being allowed to do what I am supposed to as long as it is for nothing or worse than nothing.  So then I can't always see the something. Well I do not know. I am not sure I understand it but everyone has chores they don't like.

But sometimes there is in fact missing meaning.  And maybe that was the picture of irony for literary purposes was me selling books full of meaning while having my meaning taken away.

There is meaninglessness in the torture, there is absurdity, there is an existential component, and way to go MC on that. I mean who thought of that, for me to get the good side of that philosophy.  Ouch, that is another past person referenced, is everyone just going to turn in their sins for this cause? I mean how reluctant was it. Maybe people thought they were in the right.  Well I kept some stuff to myself. Does someone get a reward every time I do? I just feel that I have a journalism degree and people delayed the acceptance of the poetry and fiction and now we have ten books of me yapping about any idea I have, any memory, and all the mistreatment, which is overwhelming and very societally thorough.

So I guess that is the sin that Jesus did not do, because he asked God why that stuff was happening, which implies a trust for meaning.  But I said in a poem "My parents knew life was meaningless, but they still bought us the piano lessons," or something like that.  And I felt kind of bad. And then I said that peopel need to do what they are supposed to for no reason, and that was my secret.  But it kind of does match the other thing I tried to suggest, which is that people would do well to give up their reward in heaven.

So honestly I kind of see a theme that I must not have thought of myself. Rewards. Motives. Well that is interesting.  Whose reputation got protected and whose didn't? Well eventually everything comes to light, and you can learn not to fear only because God is good.  And churches can teach that, and people can learn, but some people do not get told, but some people choose not to get told.