Hello everyone, this is Refried. I thought of a funny joke: "Let's put God on the prayer list." or something like that.  maybe add, for his jealousy. 

Gice this was a key day with a lot of story shield elements and I can see how it is about other people like if Stn is trying to make a fool out of Dr. Fatima if something happens to me.

But I think I will be okay. The thing that kind of freaks me out is that I was half asleep and thinking how stupid I was for something and made this motion like braking my neck or snapping it and that was a thing from other key times, like when my neck got hurt the year I taught English, and then the resemblance of a day dream character with someone who broke their neck and then the torture program telling me that broken necks are common and you can see how that is something that evil knows to go for.

I mean that is scary. Because today it was supernatural and it was really internal down to the thoughts and resembled the Bellevue field trip. Because I felt the supernatural feelings, thought it was because of my own book, then imagined myself telling other people, and I was like ok it is not that, and that was not just advertising but a specific same place, and then now with the neck thing I think of jealousy and I was at Jacobi, but that is a decoy for North Central, which is conspicuously not Bellevue. 

And then how Dr. Fatima's office looks like a classroom.  And I am like "I am thinking about switching to Alzheimers because I don't want to be punished," And then "You don't have Alzheimers."  I mean just think of it, like if something evil is reading a book about this later as a time traveler and a clue is "You don't have Alzheimers."  "I'm proud of you." 

And how Dr. F might be one of the Ravneets in the game. I want to say "Big game" but I feel that could be another story shield element. And then here is the med school advertising thing which I think are careers successfully prevented. 

And how I said tonight in the toastmasters meeting, "This is my career, this is it." And Frances got hit but really Frances is obviously okay. They did it on purpose. I mean that is so scary! The whole thing was supernatural, everyone was okay and in the good feeling, but there is something else I did not say that has to do with Catherine.  And the clouds today were like the Mary clouds. And the thing that has to do with Catherine was so undeniably pronounced. The thing where I feel like I have to say, "It was God."  But it was about paralysis. Well what does that make you think of.  "Joni and friends." from the book Heaven, your real home.  Which has to do with Beverly Jameson who I felt like could have seen that I was on the wrong medicine.  Like that is the one person who I think could have said something.  But really everyone knew I was on the wrong medicine.

I mean what does it all mean. I guess it is cool, like God is victorious. Like why just suddenly fear now.

I think I live until I am 53. I think this will be a good trip. I am going to try to do my laundry very soon. Just one load for my trip. I have had enough medicine and am not psychotic but could have kind of gotten in a certain frame of mind today because of the good feelings.

And I need to sign up for the conference. And the thing where I say that at the hospital desk and it is so much like Barnes and Noble that you can't believe it.  

I mean this is interesting blog material. But I could tell that the conspiracy was getting me to write stuff to be discovered.  And now here is this post, which is just ridiculous. But that is the point. That was the true mission.  Utter absurdity.  And God wants to give us stuff and he gave me what I wanted which is manic depression and schizophrenia.  I mean that is scary too because that is like "Anne and Sarah." 

Do you guys see what I am talking about? A story shield. It is interesting.  Did other people think of this? Is it a common thing? I guess it is in the bible. 

I felt scared when someone knocked on my door but I am okay now. I just don't need to have anxiety on the train. I am tired but it is okay. I have gotten sleep recently. 

I think there are a couple of things to be aware of when freaking out about the story shield.  And that is how I do have a neck problem that has always stayed a certain level and could have been ultimate and wasn't, but instead just a chronic mild threat.  And my seizure disorder is also almost exactly like that.  So to me that is obviously in God's care.  I mean that doesn't mean other stuff isn't in his care when it goes dreadfully wrong. But any of my seizures could have been the big jolt that ended it all and instead it is all some kind of limited thing causing visions and not more visions than I can handle. And then the neck, wow, a close call many times, but so far hasn't resulted in certain levels of damage.

But anyway I guess this is some autistic self reflection, which is all over the books, but I think it is very interesting.  I also don't think this post is the point.  I think that what actually happened at Jacobi is more like the point.  And for me to see that in my mind.  And how I was still mistaken that it had a lot to do with myself when really there is a story that goes back to ancient times. I mean maybe that is the theme anyway of certain hospitals. And how I am still oblivious to certain levels of what happens in hospitals. 

And I feel it more with low iron.  The weak sick feeling that people have when they are not okay.

Well, anyway, that is all.  Now it is 5 am. I could go do laundry but I am tired and think I will do it at 6 am.  I could just not do laundry but I am going to at about 6 am.  

I am going to try to take the computer on my trip.

I just don't think I am a cult person but I understand how I did say JC a lot, possibly more than necessary in library book, but I think it is still a really good book.

Gice I feel the SCBWI feeling. Ok I will see if I can sign up yet.