Hello everyone, this is Refried. It is Friday the 13th!! 

but it is November. I mean maybe to comment on it at all is superstitious in a bad way. 

I mean like dabbling in the occult.

I am participating in a writers event right now from Happy Writers Community.  It is pretty fun and it is very minimally interactive. Like we are literally just sitting on a discord screen together with our cameras off and we aren't even talking at all.

So that is pretty funny because it is just right. I really appreciate it.

Pals I am kind of low self esteem right now because I found an old rejected query but it is really good info for me to keep in mind.  It is a Harper Collins Query for my book called "At Least These Poems are Short." The person liked my poems but I had submitted it for children and she felt it wasn't for children.  But I think in the end we all figured out that it is for teens. And now it will be in my pen name instead of my old name.  So it does work out and they know that I am glad about that.  

So I think what we are looking at is a series of queries and job applications over the years, and the main questionable rejections were the Orange Soda book from Peachtree when I was in college, the rhymes book from Harper Collins when I was late 20s, and the humor poems from Wave when I was 33. That is the missing writing career.

It is something to think about. Were they right or were they wrong, could those rhymes have hacked it at all. I do have some opinions about how rhymes should have been more accepted in general and that was a mistake of the poetry community.  Like okay from eminem, but not a bookstore nerd like me.

However does that mean this particular query response was erroneous? Not necessarily.  Possibly there should have been a lesser company for me to publish with. And I would have and was not grandiose then.

But now I have like a hundred zingers and 500 interestings, and that is a lot to have been rejected from someone with schizophrenia. Oh but we thought it was manic depression.  

So anyway I guess it is just time for a good self publishing outcome.  I am kind of happy to champion it because I do think it should be a legitimate option.  But I feel the ads should not be zero and they are.

So I do not understand why that is the case.  There should be a middle ground and yet I am fully shut down and that is not going to go well for anyone on actual Judgement Day.

Also why did I get grandiose.  Because of a year long writer's high that was in fact miraculous and matched societal needs. And then I was attacked and shut down on purpose with no court justice.

So I mean I do not know what to think about some things. 

There is another issue that has to do with how some people think God must not be pleased so he didn't bless my career. And I feel that and question it myself except he did bless the content.  So what and where is the issue? And I myself kind of did respect the gatekeeping that I witnessed by the titles at Barnes and Noble.  My opinion was that all those publishing people did do pretty well.

But then I got resentful because I felt that I was not treated fairly.  And I am left out of AWP.

But I think really the Vermont people felt I was a writer for teens.  Clean teen christian secular, in other words, actual successful evangelical.  To me that was very sweet of them.  And then I turn around and am not happy with the liberal politics.  But they treated me well, amazing love from all of them, only to have the country vote for Trump anyway. So they are like WTF.  But their WTF can be directed to NYU, frankly.  But NYU was social work and was just deflecting credit so as not to appropriate someone from the most despised social class: me.