Hello everyone, this is Refried. I had a cool dream about working in a food pantry, or really volunteering there, and I was trying to find something to substitute for some squash we didn't have, and there were multiple stations of people bagging food, and some of the other stations were really quiet long term volunteers. It was a nice dream and I am in a good mood.

I think I can still feel yesterday's therapy also.  But I am sad that I got triggered. But I am okay, and really I think I snapped out of it logically and just couldn't recover a good mood until I went to sleep.

So anyway, I just went to go get water, which I was almost out of, and some groceries. The grocery trip didn't really go well. It was kind of crowded and I didn't get the right groceries but I got a few things that will be nice. I bought some cooked shrimp and wanted to buy some yum yum sauce but they did not have it. So I will go to the other store and look for that soon. It just means don't eat the shrimp yet.

Anyway, it was a challenge but I believe all these bronx workers will get an awesome reward someday.

What else: another compliment on my christmas poem. It made me happy. Thanks everyone. It also kind of confirms my view of being able to tell when something is good or not.

But interestingly I worked on backup files and a new email address last night and felt that my original three books are still the key books, and maybe about five besides that are the ones I would want to really not be destroyed if all was lost.  And that usually happens in some way anyway.

So as I was saying, who do I need to call. I do not know. There are people I kind of want to call but will only do that if I really feel like it. 

Well, that is all. Have a good day, everyone.

 Hello everyone, this is Refried. I am calming down. I have a plan to give away more books. I hope people will let me mail them one. I do not think people should say, "Can you just send the money instead?"  That is rude, and I get the books at a discounted rate, and it is only ten or so dollars.  So for most of my friends who own houses when I don't, they really should just let me send them a book.

Anyway, there is a conspiracy and it works a a certain way and I need to look on the bright side and not be a jerk.  Because the whole point is that I have enough to go on and they arranged for me to experience a more sacrifical lifestyle than I would be able to do on my own.

And what happened because of my loneliness? I ate in restaurants a lot, which is another blessing from God.  So I need to be thankful.  I made my choice which was fancy food.

Anyway, I got a great compliment on a rhyme tonight, and that should be enough for me right now, shouldn't it?  But I got upset because of that skit. It was my idea and my career is missing and I am going to be a target.  And yet I am not a target and that is why there is a conspiracy. They are protecting me from that very thing.

So in that context, some of my sins got through. I hope people have enjoyed the entertainment of that.

Does anyone have any opinions about that "liberal gospel" book? I kind of think with that title, that is the one to go over the edge with.  And yet with both things, I question if I violated myself and others.

What do you gice think? What do the conservatives think about it? I kind of think they might see what I was trying to say more than some people, and yet isn't it jolting? And do people deserve that? 

Anyway, who reads this blog? I think they took my numbers as I gained momentum and I don't understand. It would have chnaged my outlook to have two hundred views on that poems page. But I guess that already happened but then abruptly zero when that is not accurate, I just don't understand.

I just feel that what has been done to me is mean, and I don't see a benefit of it.

Anyway there was some interesting bridge socializing a while ago. That is also a goal for the year is to maybe do more cookies. I can do it everyone.

I believe I will be less lazy. I hope Dr. T lets me do 30 mg of Latuda instead of 40. That will help some.

Well, have a great day, everyone.

 Hello everyone, this is Refried. It is 8 pm on Tuesday, Dec 30. I talked to my friend Tami for a while and it was great. Earlier I had therapy with Larissa and that was great too. I also made pancakes and sausage for lunch and dinner. 

I got upset after watching an snl video that was similar to one of my story ideas, but I think i should look at the positives.  Mainly, that is proof that it is a good idea at national level.  And ultimately I think their execution of the idea wasn't as good. So I will keep watching the skits and having a good time.

But I am reminded of the injustice of my lost career. I just don't understand why people were allowed to ruin my life. I have received generous therapy, but I feel that no one has been held accountable for any abuses against me.  Like literally no one out of at least ten people who bullied me at criminal levels.

I have hopes that this could be the year when there are signs of my books selling, but I think for some reason I am supposed to believe that they are actually selling okay now.  But I have not been advertising properly so really I don't think they are doing that well, except to be available for copying.

And then the society keeps becoming more ruined, so who cares anyway if you are a successful author in the mix. possibly I had a bad reading of a book today so I lost some confidence in the books as a whole.  

I just feel like one of my books gets off to a bad start.  But maybe it is okay for that series.  I think it will be one that people do seek out because of the title.  The Liberal Gospel. It is just kind of iffy in the beginning.  Should I edit it, I do not know.

Anyway, where is my girlfriend? I do not know or understand. I kind of think this whole set up is kind of cruel.  I do not see the point of it and I still disagree with the delayed writing career.

But one day at a time. On Jan 4 I try again to play games, on Jan 17 I go to the children's book conference, and some other days I do therapy. That is happy and in the meantime I can cook and walk on the treadmill.  Maybe that is the goal for tomorrow is to set that up so it is usable.

 Hello everyone, this is Refried. Today is Monday, Dec 29. I have been waking up late but still having good days. I have averaged one to two walks a day for about a month now.  So that is good and is an improvement from an overmedicated year.

Today I went to the post office and mailed an awesome christmas present which was a kermit doll. Wow it was great but the mailer tore a little bit so I hope it gets there okay. 

I also picked up some books I ordered and will try to give more free copies in the next month. One of the new ones I just did got here and it is awesome! It is better than I realized and I think the next one is also cool.  So that is good. I need to figure out some people to mail those thin books to. I think that some people will really like this series. So I will peruse my facebook friends list. I mean possibly the facebook phase will go away some day but there are a lot of people like me who probably won't ever fully log off.  

Some people went to instagram but that is not really me.

Anyway I have been watching SNL videos on youtube and I am happy because there are literally like ten years worth that I could watch. And I am finding them to be very funny.  And I like all the cast people.

So that is really cool, and they live in New York City!

It cheers me up and hopefully I can send the links to pals sometimes. 

I have not been talking to phone a friends much and I hope everyone is okay. I just have had other stuff on my mind and they probably have to.

Tomorrow I guess I might go to the grocery store if the weather is right for it. At about 3 o'clock. Or 2 pm if I get up early enough. I had a good christmas. I got a good present from my friend Wendy who I guess is one of my new subtitutionary phone a friends.

Well happy new year everyone.

 Hello everyone, this is Refried. I just posted some posts on my facebook page. I think the reach is low right now but that is okay. I had some popular posts before christmas. Some people might have blocked me.  It is okay. Will I boost that frog post sometime soon? I do not know but I am not planning to do that right now. I think I spent most of my budget and I don't know if I get any book sales from anything.

I mean I really don't know. I think the conspiracy interfered with the blog traction I was getting.  And I don't understand that, and it could have been a whole different career from the beginning if I was able to successfully share blog links. I mean I just don't understand.  Possibly some people think it is God's judgement on me but I don't think it is.

Anyway, all that is fine. I saw a possible video to watch from another author but I might avoid the psychiatric problems. Posting earlier in the day might have gotten more likes, but for some reason that was not what was meant to be.

I talked to Ravneet today and we had a nice time. I do not know what to expect this year and how much to believe that my writing career is chugging along.  But mostly I figured out that I am a social worker and a writer but with no salary because people would take it away.  So really that is kind of crazy but I have had a lot of creative support so I should be a good sport.

Are people tired of my rhymes. Well I think I did kind of good with that hobby. I do not know if I will continue doing that but I might. And who knows, maybe I will start writing regular poems again.  I think that is kind of humble to start over, though really I should not say that.

Well, now we are at the end of this post.  I have been staying up until 4 am and sleeping until the afternoon.  I think I need to get back on track so I am not tortured at North Central Bronx.

Tomorrow I need to go to the post office, mail a present, and possibly go to the grocery store.  Do I have eggs right now that I could devil? That would be great. Speaking of devil, I just read that part in revelation where the dragon got mad at Mary. I mean you almost can't even believe it.  And some people don't, so let's pray for them. Well, have a good day everyone. I like my facebook friends and try to keep them.

 Well everyone, it is time to take my medicine. But I just want to say that there is a weird advertisement story on the fox news website. It is about pop-tarts mascot and it is a made up story as if there was a mascot fight at a bowl game but it is an ad for pop tarts.  It is so weird and bad, with so much horrible news, to have a fake pop tarts news story mixed in. I mean it is ridiculous. It is disrespectful in a certain way. And then the fact that universities are part of it because it was based on a bowl game that the advertisers sponsored.

How weird. It is a weird society. Will things turn around, I do not know. I feel targeted by cops in my neighborhood like I have to worry about randomly being arrested if I take a walk.  

But hopefully I am okay. At housing they are not torturing me anymore unless there is something I don't know that is going to happen to me. 

Well, that is all. There was a weird SNL skit.  But there are a lot of funny ones. I am watching them on youtube and some have really made me laugh.

Well, have a great day everyone.

Hello everyone, this is the cover art for one of my new books. I finally figured out that I should not do so many squares.  Some people at the hospital secretly told me that.  Wow it took me a while to figure that out and I have twenty titles that use a square photo. So that is too bad but I think over all it is still okay.

I was strong and added another page of names for acknowledgements but thought I had thanked Choco the Macho Chihuahua and didn't in any book. So that is sad because his mom had a tough time this season wit health. So maybe I will add another page. But it will take a few days.  I feel like it doesn't mean much to people and then after I publish, I realize that it does to some people.

I might watch some more SNL videos and have seen three funny ones recently.  So that is cool. I am hoping to do sketch comedy in heaven. It will be a different medium for me. 

Today I slept through daylight and hopefully I can eventually get back on schedule. I think one strategy would be to try to miss a whole night, start going to sleep at 9 am, then 10, then the afternoon, and lose a night of sleep in the process.  But I do not know if that is the way to fix it.

I miss Ravneet and did not hear from her as much today. I think it was because she knew I was working on my book project.  I actually had not planned to do the trio book today but probably the conspiracy knew I would.  I am happy with the books and I think they are cool.  Should the emails have been formatted, well I don't know. I think it is okay.

Have a good day everyone. I guess I will watch some skits on youtube and then read the news for a while.

 

 Hello everyone, this is Refried. It is midnight before Sunday, Dec 28. I just uploaded two books and am at a magic number of 112. I think that is all for now. I kind of churned out these recent thin books really fast but I think they are meaningful and interesting. I would wonder if people disagree with that.  I don't think this book is the particular zinger, but it is nice.  And the cover is cool. I took some time on it instead of just slapping a square photo on a page. I think maybe I did that too much but maybe it is okay.

So anyway, these books had medical notes that were interesting, and a hospitalization that backed up abuse claims.  So that is quite something. Are all these books secretly selling? Well I do not know.

I think they will though, and for some reason I was a writer and author in my time.  And that is a blessing that I am thankful for.  But wow I have some faults and foibles on display. But maybe there are reasons for that. I mean maybe it will all help teens in some way.

I think I will have a tarnished reputation in various ways but God already showed me that and I accept it. That was what I saw when I saw that bright white slate like a mountain.  There was a fine dust on it like the color of refried beans. That was what I saw towards the end of the vision.

So anyway, I do not know who I left out. I think Anli Liu is okay and did not need to be listed. She did not have notes for me to use but did refer me to Dr. Vaurio.

And I do think I forgot people at NYP, possibly including some major mega people, but I did not see the right notes from Dr. Sacco. I thought I would include that time I had the alternating silence. But I think it was not listed.  

So will I do a revisit, who knows. I mean who knows and at this point hasn't it all kind of I don't know just faded in its power. I think it has. The only thing I can think is that the books are already selling.

But it doesn't seem like they are.  But it is hard to believe I got no views on this poem after 500 last time I did that.  I just don't understand. I mean we don't all need to be heartbroken all the time. We are all the same people who were here during the nice years, too.

But anyway a lot of people are missing because of grief.

So anyway, I hope everyone is okay. I decided to add an acknowledgement page. It is a page of raffle winners. I did not list all the people I follow.  Did I list BBT in full name on another book? I feel like I did and this time said her nick name. I mean that is a real nickname.

So anyway how is everyone doing.  Are people mad at me? There was a serious swindle and while I ahve recovered a lot, I don't think I should be criticized for acknowledging it sometimes.

Anyway thanks everyone for your patience. I really believe that when we get to the blue yonder, I will have received my reward already. So I am trying to really make the most of it and I thank everyone for your patience.

Well, that is all for now. I will check the other facebook posts. I am glad I spent what I spent this season and ran ads. It helped me a lot, and hopefully while I get the therapy, I will be able to not spend and to instead purchase some more copies of books to give away.

Well, that is all. Do you guys like my books. I think some people will think I am a hypocrit for saying medicare for all but most people should realize that I suffered under insurance pain and have every right to repeat the thing that I feel was the real solution, even if it is too late.

Okay that is all. I might write again. Maybe it is an addiction, or maybe it is my main socializing.

 wow here is a funny saturday night live skit:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JGst0SfUm3U

i just read the news and it was worse than I expected. Trump is sending immigrants to an island and paying the hosts 8 million dollars and the people will probably be treated like slaves.  And for that money we could have had a good immigration provision for people here. I just want some things to be positive, like maybe something good happens from all that christianity which wasn't a mistake. Some stuff was a mistake, but some stuff wasn't. And I thought maybe there could be some good.  But then you read stuff where there is this wacko just doing stuff for shock value when there are solutions that work but can't be used because of political gridlock.  Well, who knows. I really don't. And people can call me a complacent white moderate for not knowing, but I really don't know.  Bussing in terrorists also was really a shame. And alienating regular nice people with racism and harassment.

Well, that is all for now. I might share some of these SNL videos. I guess people don't want to watch the stuff on my page but to me it is good stuff. I mean why is my page starved from likes on some posts. I think it is weird to pay 20 dollars to boost other people's media.  But I would consider it if it did reach my friends. As for this blog post, I'm just going to click share.  I don't think anyone needs my commentary about the news. But I actually might have a perspective that is valuable from being so lost politically. It means I might not be trying to prove I was right four years ago or something and can just say a real opinion.

 Hello everyone, this is Refried. It is Saturday, Dec 27, at 12:33 am.  Really I just finished friday, the day after christmas. Wow I felt so much better today. I am thankful for that. Some emails got sorted out, I mailed the lego package to my sister, I mailed a great christmas card to a friend, I walked three walks, I got some hamburgers and calzones for the snow storm, and another box of chocolates, and I heard back from Ravneet, who said she had a tough day yesterday, too. I mean I do not know what she was doing, because I did not hear from her on my phone. I mean why is that, but it was nice today.

A lot of people are suffering right now.  Grief and loss, divorce, social torture, loneliness, financial problems, stress, health stuff, and of course the politics and safety problems and bad news every day.

I had a few prayer sessions after a very slow month where I could not keep up well.  I think I have made my choice, though, for a prayer style, and I just ask for trillions of things instead of putting more thought into it.  

I think for most of the 80s children, give or take about thirty years in both directions, judgement day is going to be a lot like halloween where people excitedly sort out their candy and get similar varieties, with a few whole candy bars and sodas for some people.  And funnily, one of the less popular results was always "Mary Janes."  And I think we will also have some unfortunate judgements on that theme in heaven, but it could be comedy by then. I just really do think that most people are going to get some good rewards, and God set us up for cool stuff. I mean just think of the toys and candy he gave us in our childhood, and then the computers, and social media, and now AI. Some of it has gone bad, but often that means someone is getting a reward for their endurance.  

So anyway, I also have this theory that both victories from the political sides have their virtues.  But I won't get into it right now. That reminds me to check the news. 

Well, have a good day everyone, soon I will take my medicine. 

 Hello everyone, this is Refried. I am ready for inspection which is in 30 minutes. After that I will try to go buy milk.  But probably they are out of milk. But I could maybe buy ice cream or something, which I use for coffee when I am out of milk. I have enough water and sprite for the storm. I hope our building stays heated. It is going to be a big snow storm.  They say it will be the most storm in years, but we actually haven't had any huge snows in a while, so I think it will be okay for me. 

Do I have enough other food. Yes, I have some soups, some chicken to cook, some cereal, and honestly not a lot but it will be fine.

Gice I had to email earlier while feeling tired and not as peaceful as possible. But I think it is okay. I simply explained the scenario and I think they understand. I think maybe what will happen is that they use the updated synopsis and the paper copies of the book.  And they can take a quick look at the PDF to see if it is similar enough.

Ok gotta go.

Hello everyone, this is Refried. It is Friday, Dec 26 at 3 am. I have inspection tomorrow and this happened last time that inspection was in the day time. I stayed up late to prepare but couldn't, so then I take my medicine late and it is harder to get up early to get it done then.

But really I don't have that much left to do.  Dishes, trash, table, make bed, clothes in bathroom, counter.

That actually is most of it still left to do but I did take out some trash and put the dishes in the sink.

What do you guys think about Christmas. I felt kind of depressed. I think I should be honest with myself that I do feel depressed sometimes and holidays are hard on me.

I think I should just do the best I can. Maybe allow an hour for cleanup tomorrow so get up at 11. That is 8 hours of sleep if I took my medicine now.  But I only need five hours of sleep.  So I still have three more hours left to maybe chip away at chores.

I think I will order some more joke books and try to do better about giving them away with the creature comfort books.  

Well, that is all. I feel something missing. Some people missing. But live and learn, ups and downs, pros and cons. I think some people think I think inappropriate thoughts all night but I don't. 

Do you gice like this shirt that I washed. I think I will wear it with longsleeves sometimes.

Tomorrow I need to take my friend's christmas card to the post office but it is going to be cold I think and snow at night. I should check the weather.

Well have a great day everyone.

 Hello everyone, this is my 800th post on this blog. Before that I had another blog. Should I call my friend who is mad at me? Well I do not know. 

I think now I will eat my remaining taco from Taco Bell, and this is another Christmas that I got through. I wrote three more rhymes today. They are all a little bit cheesy, and yet I believe some people will see their worth. It helped me have a nice day. Possibly there will be some later edits.

I do not know if the likes on my page are from bots, but I think there are some nice people out there who like my art and writing.

I went to an online holiday social from Nami. It was okay and I read my poem and it fit in great.  I feel happy because one of my friends who I was worried about seems okay. So that is a nice holiday miracle. Hmm, is that a thing, a holiday miracle. I think it is.

Well have a great day, everyone.

 Hello everyone, this is Refried. I think facebook is running my ad now, slowly but surely. Maybe they were giving me a chance to get the poem right.  I think I can only help them through prayer and a lot of people probably share their complaints with them.  But it is Christmas and they are working so that is something kind of crazy to think about. Maybe they are mad but I think I will thank them around New Years. I will send them another message sometime.

It's just that this post meant a lot and was a surprise from God himself and then they messed it up on purpose. And that is a little snap from hell on a nice day.  And the thing is that this isn't that nice of a day for me. It is a survival day where I get through it, but there was something that improved my mood this year.  Yesterday, the review synopsis, and today, the poem.

But I am okay, a lot of people have to work on Christmas. Everyone has their sufferings and relief. I hope a lot of people are having a nice Christmas. I posted little gifs and messages for a lot of people, maybe 80 total, and that is more than I usually see. I don't feel as connected but I am still thankful for everyone I know. I mean who knows, by now maybe a lot of people don't like me. I mean maybe that means something that I see their photos now but they don't like my posts very often.  But some people do. 

So anyway, maybe I will have a good few days as this ad runs.  The other ads made me feel better before Christmas. I mean that is what I do is write, and I am 48. So ups and downs live and learn.

I might not call many more people. I might not rely so much on the phone a friend program but just call random people every now and then.

Well, that was an adventure in mental health. I do not know what is next. Will I do peer work? I do not know. I need to talk to Drena about it. I just don't know how I feel about starting over and being in another unpaid internship scenario when I have the education I need for work. It starts to become a charade with me as the dummy.  Which is what I have said before. But there is a case for letting them do it and make their choice in front of everyone. Hmm. I do not know what I will do. But I feel the tables turning a little bit where the shame is no longer mine, but the other people who bullied me. And they are caught.

 I noticed there were not many likes on my post and realized the ad is not running yet because facebook has stalled it on purpose. I do not know why but it is a familiar feeling when they mess up an ad.  I do not understand why. I mean was it supposed to go to India? I already have posts running in India and they are good. Why did facebook mess up my ad. They are waiting too late. I hope it starts up in the next hour but to me they messed up the natural verve of it and that really upsets me. It hurts me on christmas day. I will tell them that in a message.

 Hello everyone, I feel thankful and content on Christmas Day. The thing that really put me over the top was just now writing a poem that I am happy with. I posted it on facebook and I hope people read it. I was able to use my nativity scene meme and it is a good post. I was not planning on that but it really makes me happy. I said "sorry to be annoying" and I don't know if I should have said that but hopefully it is okay.

I talked to my friend Cynthia and my mom on the phone. I did not do that well and am thinking that my socializing has become somewhat impaired. So that might be something to expect in this new year is maybe some improvement with the books but some decline in socializing. It could make me lonely but hopefully something will work out okay.

There is a peer program that I inquired about but I don't think I can do the internship requirement. So that is kind of weird. Wow I just got deja vu.

So okay. It would be nice to have some yummy food right now but I only have a taco from Taco Bell. But that is good enough. Maybe I will warm it. Maybe some hot chocolate soon. I might take a walk.

Do you guys like my new poem? I think it is really good and I am thankful and feel blessed.

What about calling my friend Claire? I haven't called her because I did not send a present that I was going to send.  But it is not too late. It could be a new years present.

I prayed well last night and I hope that works out well but I wish I had a whole month of good prayers behind me.  But I guess during the new year I will try to improve.

Well, that is all for now. I miss some phone a friends but hope everyone has a good christmas.

 Hello everyone, this is Refried. I just went to the christmas eve service for my liberal church. It was awesome.  Lots of unexpected surprises. Kind of funny that they did that. Jacqui Lewis made me laugh several times. 

I also ordered the fairy tale books for my nieces. I had them mailed directly to my sister's house. They will get there Saturday. My other presents for them will get there Monday and then probably Wednesday. 

Tomorrow I will call my mom, call my friend Cynthia, maybe text a few people, and eat the taco bell food from today.  I bought some today for the two days. I could go to 7-11 if I need to. 

I just didn't do well this christmas and was late with the presents for some people. I do not know why but it will probably be okay.

Now I might upload the PDF of my novel for the kirkus review. I think in March or May I will try to get one for donut novel.

I think that the kirkus people saw my new book called "Posterity's Disgust." That is not a good first impression but it will be okay.

I am uploading the document but a different one is on the way to them.

Well have a good day everyone.

 Hello everyone, this is Refried. It is Christmas eve and I think one of my churches has a service starting soon. Did people think I was going downtown tonight? I mean maybe I could have. I just think I took two walks and that is all I could do. I didn't really want to go by myself to a concert. But at my church it would be different but I did not keep up with when stuff was.

So anyway, today I went to the post office twice and unfortunately did not receive one of the shirts for my nieces. But I feel like it was a good gift for them. I wonder if I will do a surprise later on that they aren't expecting. I mean I do not know. Would they like a book from me? I do not know. I think they got a lot of Refried Bean books. I forgot I was going to do the fairy tales. So maybe I will do that later on.

I mean I was late, I do not know why. I do not know what the conspiracy had to do with it.  And today I signed up for a kirkus review. I do not know if I should upload the pdf. Maybe I will. I would do that in just a few minutes.

Did I have a good year, maybe.  I do not feel like I did well this year but I attended PHP. And a few days ago I realized that I do still have two careers, writing and social work, but no salary.  I think it is because they figured out that people take stuff from me. So that is weird, there really is a conspiracy.

Anyway, that is interesting. My sister invited my mom over for fondue tonight.  And I gave her a robe two days ago. I do not know what she is doing on christmas day but probably she will be okay. And I will mail a molasses chips gift to her for new years.

I had some ups and downs. Tomorrow I have a few presents to open and I will call my friend Cynthia. 

I can't believe I forgot about the fairy tale books but it is okay. I will order those and mail them with a gift card. It will be a good surprise.  I thought about getting them ray bans but maybe for their birthday.

Well have a great day everyone.

awesome present, a personalized coffee cup, thanks housing friends!

 

  Hello everyone, this is Refried. It is Tuesday, December 23. I just went downstairs at housing and got some yummy food. I am thankful for it and for the nice staff. I hope we have a good year here.

I got an email about a peer training but I do not know if I will participate. It has a big in person section during the spring and summer and I don't know if I can do that.

I am still eating the food a little bit. I am scared of the grapes in case it gives me a food intolerance. But I think I will try some anyway. Ok I just did and they were so yummy. It could give me a stomachache but hopefully it will be okay.

Do I need to go to the store today? I think there is nothing at the post office yet.

Wow, this food is good. I think I will feel okay for this time.

Last night I had trouble going to sleep.  But I slept well and woke up feeling good.

Housing gave me a new blanket and I am happy about it.

Well, have a good day everyone.

 Ok everyone, this is Refried.

I just went downtown and got my rent check and paid rent.  I also picked up some food as an incentive.

I think my nieces are getting a new years present from me instead of christmas.

Therapy was great today with Larissa. She made me feel so much better and I believe it will last the week.

My book was accepted for publication and I am happy with it. It is one of the best of the third thin book series.

No sign of Medicaid paperwork.

I thought the nieces present would be there today but I think that will be Wednesday.

Soon I will send marah a new years present as well.

My facebook ads did well but people might be sick of them but I believe future similar shares will sell books.

So that is good. That feels different than other times.

Well now I will eat some food.

 Ok everyone, I did my personal inventory for the year. I might be missing some stuff but the list is below.  I think what I am noticing is that I need to continue giving books away and budget some for that instead of only facebook.  But the memes for India were an awesome opportunity but I need to keep the books distributed as well. I might enter addresses directly to amazon for a while. Well here it is, thanks to everyone who helped in any way:

Inventory for the year

Paid off credit cards for jokes page 30 million views, India reached with Christian humor

Maintained three new pages and reached 50 million views, felt love and HS, low budget

One trip to Greenville, attended mental health program despite abuse, finally quit

Maintained weight at 200, failed at exercise

One comedy class and show, successful

Attended nami groups, scaled back

Phone a friend expansion, 10-15 friends, some losses

PHP program successful

Maintained personal facebook page and shared poems and book links

Gave 150 books

Passed inspection 50 times

Stayed alive and did not have gallbladder surgery

Prayed for people

Published three ai books, one novel, one Bronx combo book

Spouse with ravneet

Found new groups with mensa, scbwi, middlechurch, etc.

 Hello everyone, I just put some things at risk, but I believe people will work with me and do the right thing.  If I messed up, I think people will say, party's over for just this one thing. I do not think they will take away everything because of one mistake. 

But I think it is not a mistake. I think it is some really good therapy work that people can learn from. 

Today one of my churches really surprised me with a message that was such a blessing and some of the best material that I have hope in. And they prayed for all of us to have courage.

I was going to ask a philanthropy place to donate to my church and I never sent the email and I possibly did not do right. I was going to ask on behalf of both my churches but maybe next year.

Well, that is all. I think now I will go walk to 7-11 and buy a bag of ice as a treat for myself to drink with cokes during christmas. What else, no calzone, because I ordered a pizza yesterday.

Gice are my facebook friends mad at me, I do not know, but it is okay, I understand, my ads are a bit much. Thanks everyone who read my blog this year.

 Hello everyone, today is Sunday, Dec 21. I think my facebook friends might be tired of my ads, but I felt that I had a good ad opportunity with some rhymes. I did get about a thousand visits to my poems blog, and I am happy about that, but most of the readers are from India. I think they are good readers and I am thankful. However it is weird that I just never reached America.

I think some clicks from America that would have gone to the rhymes page actually went to the book sale page. But it would be few sales, but I actually think I probably got a hundred visits to the amazon page. I mean at this point a lot of people know the thing I did. It is weird how there wasn't a path of success for ten years despite all that work. I mean I guess twelve years or even 14.

But there was a path of success with content and creation so maybe that is the idea is that it lasts after I am gone and I have to play a role of rejected prophet while I am here. It is kind of creative and I did see it ahead of time but I kind of feel that it hurts my motivation and impact for people who did need it in this time.  Is that the gag is that our society is not peaceful? I think people are hurt from that and it is not a good game.

I sent a meme to my friend Johnny who I have a weird history with and I did not hear back. I think he might be worried that I have the wrong idea but of course I don't. But the weird thing is that I felt he started the conspiracy and now it seems like he knows nothing about it. I mean that is weird. 

And I just did all those emails of people who were in the conspiracy.  Ok some people are saying what about Rita for an email in the book. It's not a sampler based on total highlights. It is a selection as I scrolled through the sent box, not the inbox. I am not putting a bunch of other people's emails. I could get in trouble that way. That is why I was saying I did care and was careful about that kind of stuff.

Gice I love this new book, it is one of my favorite books. I am worried that it won't get accepted but I did first names only. Does anyone have any opinions about it. Well I do not know.

 Hello everyone, this is Refried. Today is Saturday, Dec 20. Happy Birthday, Jeremy Holly and Susan Kelly. I woke up late today after a dream about my old school and I critiqued this lady's book and nailed it. That is weird because my academic abilities have declined and I don't know if I can really give people a good book review now.

I just now finally drank coffee because I was distracted by two things this afternoon, which was a Mensa meeting, and a walk to the drug store to buy shampoo. Well Walgreens has their brand unlocked so people buy their brand instead of all the other brands which have to be locked so as to not be stolen.  Honestly, I don't have time to do anything about that injustice except blog about it, and Walgreens is the one facing all the thieves, so I just buy their shampoo instead and get over it.

Tonight I ordered a pizza and there was a similar lying cheating stealing, which was that the pizza place did not allow me to enter my apartment number in the address. And the form recognized my address from last time and deliberately took the number off so I would have to come outside and get the pizza and they would not have to bring it to my door. Well that is cheating lying stealing and I don't appreciate it. I always go outside anyway but it put me in a bad mood, and they changed the name of my city to my neighborhood, which I also find dishonest.  It makes my address inaccurate in a public context. I just don't need that. Who do they think they are to just change your address for their purposes.

So anyway, here we are, after some of the best pizza I have ever eaten, and now drinking coffee, and this is a good night to pray for enemies.  Because I am in a good mood now because of the pizza, but I got wronged today in ways that could put a whole society of thieves on my mind.

Anyway, the other thing is facebook, who sent my ad only to india but allowed me to choose india and usa on the payment. But I got over it and did another ad for usa.  The numbers are so low on usa but I am just thankful for what I have.  600 people from India read my poems, and I hope they liked them.  The poems are only okay, but there are about five of them, so people can like what they want. I think about a hundred usa people have read the poems, but you know what? They might have clicked the other link for the 5 dollar poetry book.  So maybe that works out okay.

This year I need to think about revisiting the book sales and doing more ads for books, more mailings, and less meme budget.  I hope my girlfriend was okay and did not miss any secret income.  But I do not know what happened.  To me it seems like zero sales.  But when I wrote a blog post complaining, some people did not like that. Well I am glad to know they felt that way, but I question if their work should have been wasted, too. I mean don't my facebook friends want to be part of success and not swindle? Well I do not know.  Anyway, this is a long blog post. These ads will last three days. One ad is for four days. 

Tomorrow I might go to church. The pastor video did make me feel better.  Ok that is all for now.

 Ok everyone, it is okay. It is good for me to see I still feel mad sometimes. Because when I am okay I think I might not still be provokable but then something bothers me and there it is.

So anyway I am okay now and the new ad is doing well. I think it will be what about 800 post interactions, which is great. It could be less. It could be 300. I am thinking 300 likes but maybe it is well I just don't know but I think the second ad is reaching some people in america and that is what I need to do with the books. And I appreciate India and am happy to send them the christmas mug ad.

So I guess you live and learn and maybe other people can also copy what I do.

Pretty funny. Hello to Dorothea L. Way to go Dorothea. Have a great christmas, Matthea and all you gice. Noelle I put you in thee wrong list, sorry about that. Who else was there, some other people. Myla, and some other people. Gice it will be funny in heaven.  Man we will have some laughs. Especially since I might be in purgatory. That will be some good material.

Anyway, okay, I feel better. I told my girlfriend that we need to be in person soon. But I know she knows she is my person and I will not leave her. However this is year five with the delusion re-enactments, and I question what I am supposed to do as another christmas rolls by and her gifts are accumulating.

I mean this year I did not spring for the coco may earrings. That was a product placement. I have a lot of sponsors who helped me stay alive.

So okay. Now what. I made lemon cookies today. I am thankful that went well. I think I have now done all my holiday baking.  Should I maybe do a christmas dinner.  Maybe. A green bean casserole.

So okay, some phone a friends tomorrow, maybe two walks. Grocery store, hmm. Maybe the grocery store near walgreens. I do not know. So anyway today the montifiore people were nice to me.

Well have a good day everyone.

 Hello everyone, this is Refried. It is Friday, December 19. I just had to run another ad in addition to the one I thought was so good.  But it wasn't so good because I designated it for usa and india and facebook only sent it to India.

That is so depressing to me and I am not happy to feel anger when I was happy earlier that I had a good post. Will I repost it, I do not know.

I still feel depressed. I do not know what to do about it. I don't really need to send that link to india other than including them in a post for america. There is no need for them to read those stupid rhymes.

This boost isn't doing that well, either. I guess the "auction" favored the corporate money people. So the rest of us have to pay for "nothing," and that is just how it works, get with the program.

I also saw that amazon is advertising on my author page and deliberately adverting attention away from my book and onto their own ad for kindle. What a bunch of jerks. 

Well let's see how these next posts do. My other ad was the ad I wanted to do.

I mean should I just do it over, I do not know.  I guess just do more prayers for enemies, and it is very societal so it could be a million people.

 Hello everyone, this is Refried. Today is Thursday, December 18. I just made spaghetti and it turned out fine but I wish I had cheese. Later today I have inspection and have to clean the apartment. I believe I will do fine and get it done. I got two books in the mail that I have not reviewed before and they seem okay to me. I do not know if I will do any ads for books yet but I might send around a poem ad.

I just don't know if I have any book sales but I could have some secret sales.

My sister's family is having some ups and downs and I need to do my christmas shopping for them. I wanted to go downtown but will probably do that tomorrow. 

I think I need to start cleaning up soon like maybe at 4 pm I will start to do some chores.

Well, have a good day everyone.

 I don't know why I left it out of that other post but I am also happy because we got a new program director at my housing place and she is nice. I like her a lot. 

Ups and downs about some other stuff and I traumatized my sister with my failed social skills about something but it will be okay. We all just have to trust God.

I did not do well with that. Maybe I was the one who was supposed to say that. But sometimes I think there is nonreligious wisdom to share as well.

Anyway I think I will end this post and send some messages to Ravneet.

 Hello everyone, this is Refried. Today is Wednesday, Dec 17. I am feeling so thankful because I signed my apartment agreement for another year.  Hopefully nothing bad will happen like the company closing or something. They let me sign it ahead of time this year when usually I have to wait until January.

Also today I did my intake for a group therapy program that I am going to be in for a few months. I am really thankful and the quality is higher than I expected. I am going to try to do well in the group but my intake was kind of rambling and influenced by my social stupidity. But I think that is okay. 

Gice this therapy group is going to be great, I hope it goes through okay and they don't discontinue me.

I signed consent for them to talk to any of my previous providers but I do not know who they will want to talk to. Let's make sure that I don't miss the Talreja appointment in January.

I felt so scared last night after visiting the pages of the other two possible therapists. I did want to do multiple groups and that might still work out but being in this group for a while might be nice too. I see the case for it, like the ongoing friends and support and education for advocacy purposes.

There is something else I did today which was a creative arts therapy activity that I made up and wow it is a zinger. I might do ten more renditions of it.

Well, that is all everyone, I had some weird shaken up feelings earlier today but then am okay but I don't know why I was not able to go downtown as planned.  Maybe when I go get my rent check is when I will christmas shop a little later than expected.

 Hello everyone, it is 4 pm on Tuesday. I need to take a walk to go get milk from 7-11. I fixed some poems on my poems page. I might share a link to my rhymes book if I boost a post with that link.  and say five dollar poetry book for sale. but i bet the price went up and it is 6 dollars.

but anyway i just attended an advent class and it was fun.

I need to take the walk very soon before it gets too dark. I mean maybe just take the walk at 5 pm. The traffic will be bad. Hmm I do not know.

Do you gice like my poems? I think I should add the new ones to the mourning jester book but I might wait until there are a few more and do a major edit.

But anyway I do not know. 

I need to email someone and now I might have ruined it but I think I am not mad at that person but I think I might have two relationships with a lot of people from the trauma experience and the conspiracy, I think I actually still have splitting problems from it.

Anyway that was a good class that I just attended. I do not take liberal christians for granted. And they did what they did and hopefully some people will save the day in some way.

Well see you guys later.

 Hello everyone. I just wrote a post that I will send around with the poem link and probably the hot chocolate picture. I think my last boost like that did well and I got five hundred blog views. That is the most ever. That could have changed my life in 2010. I would have been a national author.

So anyway, people made their choice to cancel people like me and now look. 

Ok, another thing to say. Using the names of certain places in the next post. I believe I got the names right. Also, saying another "round of rewards." That really is what I mean to say and is not a mention of a person with a certain last name.

I do not feel seizure symptoms while saying any of this. 

Anyway hopefully that will all be okay.

This post could be a nice juicy find for people who further explore the blog. I believe there is not that much for them to find on this blog though, of interest. It is all in the books and the books are good.

And people wanted good to not be good but it is good.

Anyway, that is enough. If I reread any posts and think it is not good enough then I will fix something.

I do not know when I am sending more ads around. I do not know if I should have done more videos. I think the videos did go well but I feel mixed feelings when I do the videos now and I really needed some numbers and disagree with whoever felt that I could tolerate zeroes in the way that I had to. But I actually still think a normal writing path would have been better and the torture was not beneficial.

December Actual Blog Post

 Hello everyone, welcome to my blog. It is mainly an actual day-to-day journal. I recently shared a real post though, about some suffering. Some people liked the post, and some people didn't. I think some people who didn't like the post thought I was calling them a rival, but it wasn't them. So hopefully we will work that out sometime.

In this post I am discussing something else which is my excusal from the social justice movement. I know some people judged me because I did not trash all my lifelong friends from the south during the first Trump presidency. I could just keep quiet about it in the same way they accuse me of keeping too quiet about Trump, but eventually I think I will fully express how hurt I am that people were mean to me so personally for several years as my lost writing career became finalized. 

I can see that I am not ready to write about it and have to let things play out as my books finally reach people as a resurrected gift for young people. I think there will still be some bullies who try to question the absence of political posts on my facebook pages. But the fact is that I took my stand over twenty five years ago and lost five careers before anyone started "speaking out" about anything. I made friends to survive and treated them well and still plan to. Only facebook's hypocritical algorithms can come between us.

Anyway, there is a conspiracy and I thank you all for participating. I pray for crowds and strangers and used to pray up "jackpot prayers" where I would reassign all the blessings requested in different contexts and ask them to be gifted to new populations.  And today I thought of a new blessing which is a "prayer life jackpot," where you reassign all the requests from entire prayer lives to be given to large countries and time periods.  That is a good one isn't it? Well I am a monk in the prime of my prayer timeline so I should certainly be making requests like that for the world. Think of it, a Princeton Seminary "prayer life jackpot" requested for all of China. Or an American "prayer life jackpot" reassigned over the next millennium. 

"You can't do that," say some people. I believe I absolutely can, and all it takes is a question and heart attitude to change any magical thinking into the most effective of prayers.

Anyway, what was I saying before that. It was about how nothing I did was good enough for the liberal political machine, and it reminds me of the parents of gay kids in the 90s. Unpleasable control freaks. That is my social work assessment of the people who were mean to me. If it is not you, then don't feel bad. I am sure that there will be another round of rewards for everyone forever, and frankly, I believe most people we all know will be there for a good and happy portion of both mercy and justice.

 Hello everyone, this is Refried. It is Monday, December 15 at 9:30 pm. Tonight I went to my creative writing group and wrote two poems which were keepers. So now I am up to 8 recent rhymes and I think that it could become a habit. And some will be keepers and some won't. I like rhyming again and that will be good. The question is whether I am starting over with creative life and I have to say I still feel a dwindle and decline and a foundation.

So anyway I had a good day today but woke up kind of late. But I am glad I got sleep because I woke up early this weekend twice. Also today I made some stir fry beef with soy sauce and honey. I wanted it to make a glaze but the sauce was too runny but I added a little bit of milk and it ended up being a cool sauce for the cornbread casserole.  So that worked out. I think I am still maintaining a better food habit and soon will be exercise. 

I can see the next posting pattern for the art page and might do an ad with a poem link and book link. I mean you never know if maybe there are some secret sales for Ravneet.

I think I forgot to talk to Ravneet today. She is probably tired now. 

I got bad snap mail today but still feel hopeful about medicaid but might at least keep medicare.

I clicked like on someone's post after praying for them recently but it might be a trick and some kind of lure for conservatives but I just do the best I can and don't betray my friends.

I had a good therapy session today with Drena and I will miss her when she is on vacation, but I will hopefully talk to Larissa. Larissa might be mad at me but we do not know. Possibly I can still have a good therapy session even if she is mad.

So okay. That is all. Have a good day everyone.

 Hello everyone, this is Refried. It is Monday, Dec 15. 

My facebook posts are doing okay and I think the numbers will be okay and improve a little bit at the end.

I might do a mega boost for that stone post that I have waited five months to send around. But it wont be ultra mega, just mega.

What happened to the christmas posts, I just did one at a time. I will do the hot chocolate soon too but it won't be mega so it will seem lesser but that is okay.

I think I should go through those facebook pages and delete some of the art that is not as good.

I am signed up for group therapy now and I hope it goes okay. I think the other two groups are in the works.  I talk to my therapist today at 3 pm. That is in about one hour.

I need to walk to the post office but that might be tomorrow. Or I don't know, maybe at 4 today.

I am being patient about finding out about medicaid. 

I think I will call my friend John Cochran soon.

I talked to my friend Liz and that is going great and her dog is okay after an attack.

Gice that shooting yesterday really shook me up. 

Well, have a good day everyone.

 Gice today I had two meetings for children's book writing. It was fun but I let down a member who sent me glasses to decode something online. I thought it was for our meeting so I did not open it.

I think it will be okay.

A while ago I was going to make toast and eat it with jam but the bread was moldy. Honestly that happened kind of fast. The bread was not that old.

So hat should I eat for dinner. I do not know. I should eat something good soon. I ate eggs and sausage yesterday and the day before. Are you gice thinking pancakes? Hmm maybe that is it. I think I can wait a while because I had a gingerbread cookie and some chips and guacamole.  So then I will make pancakes.

But do I have enough milk. I think I do. I think. I might heat up a can of soup though. I mean maybe that is easier and still do the pancakes later.

Gice I feel incomplete from my group because I didn't do perfect but it is okay. We were missing two members. It will be okay. I feel like I must have hurt that person but I did not mean to.

Ok what else. I am sending around some blobs and I feel like the numbers aren't that good and I don't know why. Maybe it will increase some and maybe I can also click like on the comments more soon.

Was I supposed to do christmas shares instead of other blobs? Well I think it is okay.

I might do a big boost for that stone cross meme that I have waited on for some reason. Like run it for a whole week like those other posts.

Ok what else is going on. I figured out what I want to get the nieces for christmas. It will be fine. I feel like I don't know them because I did not talk to them very much this year but of course I still know them from other times. I am starting to get kind of memory weird sometimes.  

Later I have bible study. Today was kind of a challenge with two meetings but it went okay. 

I watched some of my church online this morning and that was good. I think I should attend prayer time and or creative writing.

I will do that soon on Wednesdays.

What else is going on. I mean I do not really know.

I just feel like this facebook boost should have reached more people but it is still a good feeling.

Do you gice think I should try to get a kirkus review? I mean I do not know.

Well have a good day everyone.

 Hello everyone, this is Refried. It is Saturday, Dec 13. I am doing okay. I need to find out if my medicaid got fixed. I might call them soon.

There are some meringues in the oven. I usually do forgotten cookies but could not find the chocolate chips.  Where are the chocolate chips? I have half and bag and some butterscotch chips and I can't find them. I know where they are. I think I put them in the rice krispie box. Okay that was weird. I guess make some more cookies soon.

I will make lemon cookies soon too.  That is weird that happened about not being able to find the chocolate and butterscotch chips. It did make me go a little crazy.

So okay. I called two friends today. I only talked to one of my friends for half a call but it felt back to normal but I can't fully trust that person but live and learn. If it becomes a habit then I will just avoid.  

I also talked to my friend Justin who is an artist and it was jsut really unexpected to get that blast of creativity as he works on cool puppet projects and events with other costume people.

So that is neat. I think there are some networks other than persecutors out there.

Also on my list is to maybe watch the old new babes in toyland movie. It was a favorite of me and my sister and I think some friends might like it if I posted it on facebook.

So okay. I am really happy about these meringues, I hope they turn out well. I think about twenty more minutes on a low oven temperature will about do it.

This phone call to medicaid might not go well but it is not my fault but it is a problem. It is a government problem and could be the beginning of me being persecuted by a bad government which used to be something other countries did.  And really insurance has never been perfect here but this is a new level of disfunction as far as I experience it. It might affect God's blessing on the whole nation to have problems like this.

So anyway I guess I will do some more ai pictures but I don't know. I felt like a break from that was good. Am I wrong? Are people waiting for more cool creations? Well I do not know. I feel like I don't have any more ideas.

Well, that is all for now, have a good day everyone.

 Hello everyone, this is Refried. Today is Friday, Dec 12. I had a nice day today but did not take a walk. I think tomorrow I will try to do some christmas shopping. I was going to do that Sunday but it might snow.

I kind of don't know what to do about christmas shopping but I wonder if it will be Wednesday when I go downtown for an appointment. 

I am excited to be starting group therapy as an unexpected relief from my usual poverty status. I have some other reliefs where I function according to past levels, but this therapy treatment is probably going to be helpful for recovering from recent abuses. I think that the people who were mean to me did not see it either and might be more busted than they expected to be.

I have been blogging up to five times a day sometimes but it might slow down as I get this mental health treatment.  When I filled out the paperwork, I was reminded of trauma and had a hard time for a few hours. But it wasn't that bad. I am mostly okay. So I think it will be a good experience to be treated for stuff. I think I might get a PTSD diagnosis and for my specifiers I might ask them to list ten names of people who made their choice.

This therapy really is unexpected and I am so thankful for it already. 

Today I emailed two people and it was kind of cold but I have more to say so maybe I will email again sometime. I don't know why it was cold but it was and I do the best I can.

I just ate some sausage that was so good and I might cook some eggs as well. I have been kind of lazy lately and I do not know why but it could be because I take my medicine at 2 am.

My numbers on some scales today were higher than I expected but I think it will be okay. That leaves room for the numbers to go up after treatment.

Well, have a good day everyone.

 Hello everyone, this morning I had a dream that I went to Carolina Center for behavioral health and they wanted to keep me there and I wanted to stay but I did not need treatment and I had to tell them that I was okay.  Isn't that interesting? It was so real, and before that I had accidentally attended my mental health program that I just quit.

I need to take inventory of this year and see the pros and cons.  I was lazier because of extra psych meds and that was rough but it could have been worse. And I had an ai hobby that I was able to do as a lazy person.  So I have to say that one of the main good things was my facebook outreach. That was great, a 2025 blessing, and lots of sweet new friends from other countries.

That is the main thing I guess, and then I did the PHP program and that was good, and I passed 50 more inspections at my apartment.

What did not go well? I did not do that well with food and exercise. I ate a lot of cereal and lost some of my insurance benefits.

What else did go well? I talked to friends on the phone but lost two friends for reasons I do not understand. What else. What about books? I went to the novel retreat in Vermont and published Poncheesy. That is kind of funny and I should reread it. Other than that, some ai art books, and two Bronx Combo books: Diagnosis Weirdo, and Thank You, Conspiracy. Those were pretty good books.

There isn't that much besides that for the year. I stayed inside a lot and blogged. Did I do a comedy class? Yes, actually, that is what I did this summer. So that was a hit. That maintains me as a comedian.

What about facebook friends? I think we had a good year but I need to keep praying that facebook restores the algorithms to former years of happiness.

Any community service this year? No. That was the sad thing at the beginning of the year and a documentation of paranoia. So this year was part of the permanent paranoia showing itself, but some of the abuse fading away.

Advocacy: the incident with Hannah and the new website article that will probably eventually disappear. However it is a good piece of journalism and is marked by the loss of a friend. That is sad, my friend is wrong about it and weirdly turned on me about everything,

Ok, what else. You know what, I think this is all. I just didn't have much going on this year but enjoyed the ai hobby. I am thankful for that because it would have been a pretty empty year without it.

What about Ravneet.  A lot of good texts, but still missing Ravneet.  Also not as many online health appointments.  And I switched doctors and that became somewhat of a loss as well. But I landed at North Central Bronx Hospital and they are pretending that I work there.

So was it a good year? I will say that I think it was a year of decline, but a life highlight of the facebook pages was part of it.  Maybe that is a lesson, when we are weak, God is strong.

 Hello everyone, it is 12:15 on Wednesday morning, also known as tuesday night. I had a good day today and got to see a hospital friend online! I talked to Hannah Park about some dizziness and it was so great to talk to her and she is my heartburn buddy and there was a nice scribe, too. I think I should have been more mindful of the scribe and wished them both a happy holidays. Next time I will do better hopefully.

Hannah Park thinks my dizziness is not something to worry about at this time. Wow it was reassuring and I did not expect that and she thinks my anemia and sugar levels are also okay.

After I talked to her I did my laundry and it went well, and I gave a joke book to Delores, who is one of the nicest people I have ever known.  She works overnights at my apartment building and we hit it off great from the beginning. Most of the staff is nice to me now and I do not know why I got tortured before.

Before the doctor appointment I watched a movie with friends from Hope Lab. It was such a cute and funny movie. It was a christmas movie about people who were going to get a divorce and decided not to.

That has been a blessing and miracle this year is watching movies with those pals. It is my first group movies in over ten years because of the nature of my trauma from the bookstore.

Before that, I had a comforting meeting online with Tami, Lori, and Caroline.  We had a great time as usual.  Before that I went to the grocery store and I did okay there but wish I had picked up some taco seasoning and ground beef.  But it is okay, I had nachos.

Before that, unfortunately, I had a conversation with a friend who was mad at me. It made me feel bad and I do not know what will happen but I feel strong with my mental illness and think the hospitalization this fall must have really worked and improved things for me.

Before that I checked in with amazon and my books are doing okay. They made a mistake about low content but I took it as a warning to not overpublish. Last night I thought that I might not be able to keep my books available at all but I think it is okay. Interestingly I felt able to handle that if it happened so that is great recovery and work status.

I think there was something else today but I do not remember what it is. So now it is tomorrow and I will take my medicine in about one hour. I take it in the middle of the night and wake up late now. 

Also tonight I talked with a friend of mine named Wendy who has problems worse than mine. Definitely I will pray for Wendy but she handles things really well and has a lot of faith in hard times.

Well, that is all. I think I will do an inventory for the year soon. I need to think of a strategy to get through christmas so it doesn't hit me too hard. I think I will be okay. I just did not take my trip this year so it feels involuntary. 

Well have a good day everyone.

 Hello everyone, today is Monday, December 8. I woke up late today, talked to my therapist, and walked to Walgreens and the post office.  So tomorrow I might go to that grocery store in the other direction.

I was thinking about water or cokes but they were out of water so I got cokes. They were the best sale I have gotten so far. An average of 7 dollars per 12. 

I am publishing a new book and will probably hit the final button today. I think it is not a big deal when I hit the final button.  But I hope I secretly have readers for all my books. 

I am sad that I was rude sometimes and said inappropriate things.  But at least I know there are multiple incidents so there is not like one foible that is tormenting me.  

There was a letter in the mail saying I have insurance until Dec 12. Hopefully by then it will be renewed for another year. I should call Medicaid soon and see if there are any changes on the phone recording.

I did not hear back from the cop presentation job today but could hear something another time.

I think I did well when I talked to them Thursday.  Not perfect but okay and representative.

I think I need to do a year in reflection inventory soon. What went well, where were the problems, etc. A lot did go well but I didn't do great with Mensa games and in person. I think I can do better next year.

I am starting to have a lot of views for this blog so I will try to think of some good things to say.

Well that is all, everyone, have a good week.

 Hello everyone. I think I will take a walk soon. Should I go to Walgreens? Maybe so.  I guess that is what I should do.  I cracked the code on something a while ago and it will be so weird if it works out. I looked at the numbers and it was impossible and then I saw that it might be possible after all.

So that is cool. This morning I had a dream that I was at the hospital PHP program and I was just visiting but they had combined and IOP group and a PHP group and it was so fun and seemed so real.

Tomorrow I will go there for my doctors appointment. Today is like a free day because I did not have to go to the Medicaid office. So I guess in a few minutes I will go to Walgreens. God is helping me, this is my life. When I look around and feel like stuff is missing, that is not my life. So I need to be thankful.

Did I get escalated yesterday and the day before by some mental health people? I do not need too much escalation everyone.

Well, have a good day everyone.

 Hello everyone, this is Refried. 

I am about to go to my mental health program and discontinue. Yesterday I told them and today I will sign my papers. I wish I had read their notes but it is okay.

I gave a little bit for giving tuesday. The bible says not to tell people about your charitable giving. But I just find it to be interesting conversation. I don't think I can give any more today. I did not expect to give what I gave.

What do you gice think about giving tuesday? I think it is not a bad tradition but in a way it makes all the charities have to ask on the same day.  Is that ideal, I do not know. Because who knows, the whole holidays might otherwise be like a giving tuesday.

Gice I feel kind of embarrassed that my poems weren't ready and I shared them too soon.  But I think it is okay and not every one noticed or cared. And interestingly I feel my loyalty to that normal people audience that I was trying for. I like for the higher ups to approve my poems, but I also like when a non poetry reader sees a poem they understand and feel confident saying that they like.  And the first poem was like that so I will just be glad about that.

Well, that is all for now. Bye everyone.

Did you guys like my poems? I think they are good now. How were they before? Almost good but there is a difference. But it is okay. I think something about it is how I used the word "attempt," like it was a work in progress.  So who knows.  Ups and Downs, live and learn, pros and cons. 

So okay. I am taking the tapeworm people some books on Thursday, and I have some books for the friday people if they want them.  They might not but I think it is a good small mix.

I am not taking an article about escalation but I will send the link to Evelin and Linda sometime.

Tomorrow I go to Jewish Board to sign final paperwork. I should go early in the morning but I have a feeling that there will be a delay. When should I go to the Medicaid office? I think I might need to do that tomorrow.  Isn't there something else I need to do tomorrow? Ok I am remembering the advent class.  Yeah I would rather not miss that, it is a fun thing.  So do I need to get up early tomorrow? Do I need to get up early every day this week?

I think that Wednesday has to be medicaid day. That is December 3. Tomorrow the pressure is off for being up too early. And Wednesday I don't have to go that early.

So maybe it is time for some snacks. Do you think I should make cookies? Hmm I do not know. I think that is what I am unexpectedly doing this christmas is making cookies. Right now I could make an egg nog cake, lemon cookies, forgotten cookies, or chocolate chip cookies. Hmm I do not know.

Gice I really feel shaken up by recent events. But I am okay. 

 Hello everyone, my holiday poem boost is finished and I found three major edits that were needed.  I now have three keeper poems and feel okay. But 500 people read imperfect poems.  I think I am okay with it.  Some of those people could tell the poems weren't good enough but now they are.

It is okay. I think it served its purpose for cheer during the weekend.  I would feel better if the poems were better but I kind of knew they were only okay and still shared them.  So maybe I am just getting started with these kinds of shares and I will do better over time.

I think for my next selfie I will say how my poems weren't perfect. Maybe those people can get credit for being in a writers group with me. The poems are good now. They are three good poems. As good as my other rhymes and worthy of an audience. 

Well, that is all. I think I should have called friends today but I can call them on another day. Frankly I feel that some people have bailed on me and it shook me up a little bit.

Have a good day everyone.

 Hello everyone, this is Refried. It is 7:32 on Monday. I just went to a support group for anxiety, and people's problems were horrific.  It was not war zone stuff but definitely as bad as it gets for a modern society. We only got to a few people because of it but it was still a good group. I could have used a few groups over the weekend but Nami has been scaling back some and so have I.

I have mixed feelings about the poems I shared on facebook. I think they were only okay but mostly I am glad I shared them.  I think it was good content and I am a legitimate content creator.

Wow I feel a little freaked out about everyone's problems but I think some of it is a matter of caring about the autism epidemic. But I wish I could help with peace of mind instead of mutual suffering but mutual suffering is an example Jesus gave us.  I am a wimp though and have told God I would choose the lobster dinners over being tortured. But God might already know that is only partially true.

So now I have a thing to figure out which is that I had mistaken a writing promo that I was going to try to purchase.  So I do not know what to do. I do not want to let anyone down but I think that there is not an option in my price range for what I planned.

I ended up unexpectedly signing up for a conference that I might not be a match for but maybe I am. There was a deal I was trying to take advantage of at the last minute. So that is good but it could mean future burdens but I can do it. 

I think my poems got about 400 views. That is good and I need to reread them to see how I feel. It at least made the site available and maybe people saw the other work that is possibly better.

Well, that group really shook me up. I think I could benefit from other outpatient group treatment but I don't think there is an option like that for me at this time. Tomorrow I am quitting my day program. I tried to leave today but they have to do paperwork. I have been calm and they said I am in good standing and can come back another time. 

 Hello everyone. This is Refried. Today is Monday, Dec 1. I was on hold for an hour and fifteen minutes with medicaid and they never got back to me. But I still feel mostly hopeful and saw that my original paperwork did get there. So it could be just a training exercise.

I have some coffee right now and am safe in my apartment. I feel back to normal after what was actually an unexpectedly rough holiday. I just felt lonely and did not call my phone-a-friends.

But my facebook posts did well. I think facebook was really slow on one boost because it suited them to wait until they had more room for ads so they really didn't boost it according to my wishes. But it is okay. I think it kind of got enough views. It kind of didn't but I know it is a good video.

There is some good news though which is that I am keeping my promises and christmas obligations. It will be a tight budget this year but I am not failing and bailing. I hate to even say it that way because there are really bad economic problems and people feel like failures when it is not their fault.

But anyway I hope I can do somthing good for my nieces. I want to get them each a fairy tale collection and maybe some candy or something, maybe an assortment and some cash.  plus the legos. So really I think that will be fine.  And then something for three other kids.  Am I forgetting anyone? I do not know.

And I can't pay down my cards well but I can be back to how it has been all season and that is stable enough.  I just couldn't do a major reset but it is okay. I think I can pay them down gradually.

Well, have a good day everyone.

 Hello everyone, this is Refried. It is 1 pm on Monday, Dec 1. I got some sleep after staying up a little too late. I emailed someone with a movie idea and then thought of a better idea and I hope it gets into the right hands.  I got a lot of emails today though, so they probably did too.  But maybe they were happy for one of those emails to be cool.

The gingerbread coffee I made is much better than yesterday's coffee and hopefully I will have a good day. It seems like my creative writing group is not working out and that is sad because it could have.

My facebook posts are doing well. I hope it is not weird that I posted the picture of Roger and the Gingerbread starbucks but I saw the memory and then couldn't find it again.

I need to call my mom soon and ask her to help with my business credit card. I think she won't mind helping a little bit and I can hopefully have a good year with shares. I think I will make more videos.

Do I need to mail more books? I do not know. I just don't know if anyone else wants books.

Possibly some people got faked out but wow I asked so many times if people wanted one.

Well have a good day everyone.

 hello everyone, i hope you are all happy to be back in the week and not on the weekend for holiday thanksgiving. Thanksgiving is a good time to travel and people can have a good visit so I am sad I could not go anywhere but I am okay. This morning I had a dream that I was making a presentation about religion and had to discuss atheism, agonsticism, judaism, christianity, and maybe one other thing.  And there was a skateboard in the room and it was implied that I had a personality disorder and I was thinking about how it was actually very unselfish of me to be so versed in other people's ideas and books. Because I had read all this Ayn Rand stuff and was going to talk about Atlas Shrugged.  Then I was in a computer lab and someone was yelling at my art therapist and I projected silver writing on the wall that said "People who torture my teacher have no place here. And I was trying to add an animal icon to the image but there were like fifty animals that I had to delete. So that is an interesting dream. Then I woke up with a slight headache. Then I went on facebook and saw a picture of my friend's dog who died. It was a dog that she rescued after it had been abused. It is so sad but the dog is in heaven now hopefully. I loved the dog and feel very sad.

Now I am waiting for coffee to brew and I am going to add molasses for a gingerbread flavor. I ate some crumbs of cookies I made yesterday but they are all gone. It is okay, I will try to make more. I wonder if I have enough ingredients for another batch immediately. I could use the chocolate chips and butterscotch chips. Hmm I think I could do it.

I also ate a breadstick from yesterday's food. That is what I will eat today as my main food is the pizza that is leftover from yesterday. Little Caesar's sells a single serving that is nice. I emailed my friend who is teaching a class on advent and asked him if he thinks it is okay to eat Little Caesar's pizza considering what the Roman Empire did to people.

I mean I do not know. I think it is awkward between me and him for some reason probably that has to do with my conservatism or failed status.

Now it is time to go get my coffee from the coffee maker. It is almost one oclock. My therapist got strep throat over the holiday and I am sad for her but maybe it is getting better. I hope so. I needed to go to the Pros program to disenroll but I will call Danielle soon. Have a good day everyone,