Hello everyone, this is Refried. 

I am about to go to my mental health program and discontinue. Yesterday I told them and today I will sign my papers. I wish I had read their notes but it is okay.

I gave a little bit for giving tuesday. The bible says not to tell people about your charitable giving. But I just find it to be interesting conversation. I don't think I can give any more today. I did not expect to give what I gave.

What do you gice think about giving tuesday? I think it is not a bad tradition but in a way it makes all the charities have to ask on the same day.  Is that ideal, I do not know. Because who knows, the whole holidays might otherwise be like a giving tuesday.

Gice I feel kind of embarrassed that my poems weren't ready and I shared them too soon.  But I think it is okay and not every one noticed or cared. And interestingly I feel my loyalty to that normal people audience that I was trying for. I like for the higher ups to approve my poems, but I also like when a non poetry reader sees a poem they understand and feel confident saying that they like.  And the first poem was like that so I will just be glad about that.

Well, that is all for now. Bye everyone.

Did you guys like my poems? I think they are good now. How were they before? Almost good but there is a difference. But it is okay. I think something about it is how I used the word "attempt," like it was a work in progress.  So who knows.  Ups and Downs, live and learn, pros and cons. 

So okay. I am taking the tapeworm people some books on Thursday, and I have some books for the friday people if they want them.  They might not but I think it is a good small mix.

I am not taking an article about escalation but I will send the link to Evelin and Linda sometime.

Tomorrow I go to Jewish Board to sign final paperwork. I should go early in the morning but I have a feeling that there will be a delay. When should I go to the Medicaid office? I think I might need to do that tomorrow.  Isn't there something else I need to do tomorrow? Ok I am remembering the advent class.  Yeah I would rather not miss that, it is a fun thing.  So do I need to get up early tomorrow? Do I need to get up early every day this week?

I think that Wednesday has to be medicaid day. That is December 3. Tomorrow the pressure is off for being up too early. And Wednesday I don't have to go that early.

So maybe it is time for some snacks. Do you think I should make cookies? Hmm I do not know. I think that is what I am unexpectedly doing this christmas is making cookies. Right now I could make an egg nog cake, lemon cookies, forgotten cookies, or chocolate chip cookies. Hmm I do not know.

Gice I really feel shaken up by recent events. But I am okay. 

 Hello everyone, my holiday poem boost is finished and I found three major edits that were needed.  I now have three keeper poems and feel okay. But 500 people read imperfect poems.  I think I am okay with it.  Some of those people could tell the poems weren't good enough but now they are.

It is okay. I think it served its purpose for cheer during the weekend.  I would feel better if the poems were better but I kind of knew they were only okay and still shared them.  So maybe I am just getting started with these kinds of shares and I will do better over time.

I think for my next selfie I will say how my poems weren't perfect. Maybe those people can get credit for being in a writers group with me. The poems are good now. They are three good poems. As good as my other rhymes and worthy of an audience. 

Well, that is all. I think I should have called friends today but I can call them on another day. Frankly I feel that some people have bailed on me and it shook me up a little bit.

Have a good day everyone.

 Hello everyone, this is Refried. It is 7:32 on Monday. I just went to a support group for anxiety, and people's problems were horrific.  It was not war zone stuff but definitely as bad as it gets for a modern society. We only got to a few people because of it but it was still a good group. I could have used a few groups over the weekend but Nami has been scaling back some and so have I.

I have mixed feelings about the poems I shared on facebook. I think they were only okay but mostly I am glad I shared them.  I think it was good content and I am a legitimate content creator.

Wow I feel a little freaked out about everyone's problems but I think some of it is a matter of caring about the autism epidemic. But I wish I could help with peace of mind instead of mutual suffering but mutual suffering is an example Jesus gave us.  I am a wimp though and have told God I would choose the lobster dinners over being tortured. But God might already know that is only partially true.

So now I have a thing to figure out which is that I had mistaken a writing promo that I was going to try to purchase.  So I do not know what to do. I do not want to let anyone down but I think that there is not an option in my price range for what I planned.

I ended up unexpectedly signing up for a conference that I might not be a match for but maybe I am. There was a deal I was trying to take advantage of at the last minute. So that is good but it could mean future burdens but I can do it. 

I think my poems got about 400 views. That is good and I need to reread them to see how I feel. It at least made the site available and maybe people saw the other work that is possibly better.

Well, that group really shook me up. I think I could benefit from other outpatient group treatment but I don't think there is an option like that for me at this time. Tomorrow I am quitting my day program. I tried to leave today but they have to do paperwork. I have been calm and they said I am in good standing and can come back another time. 

 Hello everyone. This is Refried. Today is Monday, Dec 1. I was on hold for an hour and fifteen minutes with medicaid and they never got back to me. But I still feel mostly hopeful and saw that my original paperwork did get there. So it could be just a training exercise.

I have some coffee right now and am safe in my apartment. I feel back to normal after what was actually an unexpectedly rough holiday. I just felt lonely and did not call my phone-a-friends.

But my facebook posts did well. I think facebook was really slow on one boost because it suited them to wait until they had more room for ads so they really didn't boost it according to my wishes. But it is okay. I think it kind of got enough views. It kind of didn't but I know it is a good video.

There is some good news though which is that I am keeping my promises and christmas obligations. It will be a tight budget this year but I am not failing and bailing. I hate to even say it that way because there are really bad economic problems and people feel like failures when it is not their fault.

But anyway I hope I can do somthing good for my nieces. I want to get them each a fairy tale collection and maybe some candy or something, maybe an assortment and some cash.  plus the legos. So really I think that will be fine.  And then something for three other kids.  Am I forgetting anyone? I do not know.

And I can't pay down my cards well but I can be back to how it has been all season and that is stable enough.  I just couldn't do a major reset but it is okay. I think I can pay them down gradually.

Well, have a good day everyone.

 Hello everyone, this is Refried. It is 1 pm on Monday, Dec 1. I got some sleep after staying up a little too late. I emailed someone with a movie idea and then thought of a better idea and I hope it gets into the right hands.  I got a lot of emails today though, so they probably did too.  But maybe they were happy for one of those emails to be cool.

The gingerbread coffee I made is much better than yesterday's coffee and hopefully I will have a good day. It seems like my creative writing group is not working out and that is sad because it could have.

My facebook posts are doing well. I hope it is not weird that I posted the picture of Roger and the Gingerbread starbucks but I saw the memory and then couldn't find it again.

I need to call my mom soon and ask her to help with my business credit card. I think she won't mind helping a little bit and I can hopefully have a good year with shares. I think I will make more videos.

Do I need to mail more books? I do not know. I just don't know if anyone else wants books.

Possibly some people got faked out but wow I asked so many times if people wanted one.

Well have a good day everyone.

 hello everyone, i hope you are all happy to be back in the week and not on the weekend for holiday thanksgiving. Thanksgiving is a good time to travel and people can have a good visit so I am sad I could not go anywhere but I am okay. This morning I had a dream that I was making a presentation about religion and had to discuss atheism, agonsticism, judaism, christianity, and maybe one other thing.  And there was a skateboard in the room and it was implied that I had a personality disorder and I was thinking about how it was actually very unselfish of me to be so versed in other people's ideas and books. Because I had read all this Ayn Rand stuff and was going to talk about Atlas Shrugged.  Then I was in a computer lab and someone was yelling at my art therapist and I projected silver writing on the wall that said "People who torture my teacher have no place here. And I was trying to add an animal icon to the image but there were like fifty animals that I had to delete. So that is an interesting dream. Then I woke up with a slight headache. Then I went on facebook and saw a picture of my friend's dog who died. It was a dog that she rescued after it had been abused. It is so sad but the dog is in heaven now hopefully. I loved the dog and feel very sad.

Now I am waiting for coffee to brew and I am going to add molasses for a gingerbread flavor. I ate some crumbs of cookies I made yesterday but they are all gone. It is okay, I will try to make more. I wonder if I have enough ingredients for another batch immediately. I could use the chocolate chips and butterscotch chips. Hmm I think I could do it.

I also ate a breadstick from yesterday's food. That is what I will eat today as my main food is the pizza that is leftover from yesterday. Little Caesar's sells a single serving that is nice. I emailed my friend who is teaching a class on advent and asked him if he thinks it is okay to eat Little Caesar's pizza considering what the Roman Empire did to people.

I mean I do not know. I think it is awkward between me and him for some reason probably that has to do with my conservatism or failed status.

Now it is time to go get my coffee from the coffee maker. It is almost one oclock. My therapist got strep throat over the holiday and I am sad for her but maybe it is getting better. I hope so. I needed to go to the Pros program to disenroll but I will call Danielle soon. Have a good day everyone,