Hello everyone. It is Saturday, May 17. I am not sure the power outlet in my mom's house are working well enough.  But she got the water fixed.  She is doing well on her own.  As soon as I got here, my therapist suggested that I might want to stay.  So I am imagining that.  But I don't know if I can. 

My mom is starting to monitor me too closely and control me and criticize every decision I make.  And this is a vacation trip so it is decisions like what glass to use and how much sauce to put on the barbecue.

So that is sad.  I woke up feeling better but that peace was snatched pretty quickly.

I checked facebook and one of my posts is doing unusually well.  The other two are only doing okay and I thought they might be more popular.  So I guess live and learn.  But it was a small budget so really the numbers are good. Actually the numbers are great, reaching about a million people for 150 dollars is actually double than usual on my other pages.

So I do not know how it works.  I am not sure they are as eagerly sending my posts to some countries. But it is okay. I am getting some good amens. I don't know how the posts are going to trolls. I got a few trolls in recent days but I just have to monitor and delete. 

I have anxiety and fear and hopefully I will have some relief from that.

I just think my mom is torturing me on purpose. Like I was going to panera but now I will have coffee here.  So what will I do at Panera.  And I need a place to go and be calm.  At the mall the security people are following me too much. I do not like it and I have given them no reason to intimidate me.

I am just not a happy okay person and this started when Tamara abused me and they messed up my medicine.  There is no excuse for a poor outcome like this.  It is a symbolic failure from many bad people.