Hello everyone, this is Refried Bean. I don’t know if anyone reads this blog. It seems that the tech people never wanted the blogspot blogs to be that easy to find.
I am about to attend online church. I like my church. They are nice to me. I thought they supported gay intentions more than they actually do, but they still do people right in my opinion.
Last night was rough at my apartment. The worst staff person was on duty, with the most racist security guard. Thankfully I am friends with a lot of my neighbors, so I wasn’t completely surrounded by evil. However, I have experienced racism at the hospital near where I live, from the ems and cops, and I did feel like I had no one to call for help if any of the enemies decided to strike more than they already do.
Yesterday I asked if I had any mail, because online it says my DMV license was mailed on the 13th, and Tamara went to the mail room, waited a few minutes as if to make me think there was some mail, and then came out and said there wasn’t mail. My case manager did that last week and then Sunday there was mail, so it was a blatant lie to my face. The apartment organization supports that kind of abuse and dips deeply into moral compromise in order to engage with their chosen client population. They call it “harm reduction,” but it really just transfers the harm to the people they think seem too educated or privileged. It becomes most convenient that disability and prior discrimination allows representatives from the classes they hate to be subject to mass bullying from anyone with a psych condition in a neighborhood that also wallows in failure and crime.
My sister is visiting next weekend. I am glad and am going to try to brainstorm solutions with her. I think in actuality I might have two years left in this hell hole being snake bit intermittently by people who should have been fired as soon as they showed themselves to be child abusers.
It is very depressing and I feel the toxicity as a literal poison that should have been prevented and damages other things that people worked hard to provide for me. I have spent all my concessions from the good people in society, and this vacuum effect where bullies are allowed to suction away any good feeling and peace is a crime. Does it seem too complicated? It isn’t. If you had to sit in a room with any of these people, you would feel it, and you would not be able to stand it for more than a few minutes. It would be like having a snake placed in your lap.
Anyway I do not know how to pray either. I try praying for my enemies but feel those prayers aren’t right and I should pray for God’s vengeance instead.
Well I guess that is all for now and maybe I will write another post soon. I might have sold a book online, which means that probation spell could be over. But I have thought that before. I still have to say I mostly disagree with the stewardship of my writing career. The success should have already happened, and I am abused by monsters like Tamara because of the fumble.
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