It actually is a shame.

 Hello everyone, today is Monday, June 30. Tomorrow there is a Mensa conference and I am realizing that I should be there. It is in Chicago and the topic is AI. I mean how could I miss that, it is really bad that I did.  But there are a lot of factors.  The challenge of asking my mom for money, my sister's business problems so that she also needs my mom's money now, the fact that I don't have a friend to go with because I am not allowed to see Ravneet in person, the fact that I was swindled from my writing career so I am not famous enough to be invited as a guest, the fact that my 50 million ai art views are mostly from India and that doesn't count in some people's eyes, the fact that my games participation in mensa new york was inhibited by medicine problems, the fact that there are not easy accessible in person mensa meetings at libraries with snacks, some failure and persecution from my mental health care, my own shyness and lack of planning, and a lack of priorities from whatever conspiracy is still functioning. I do think part of the fail is from mensa and part is from me, part is from my society, and part is from my community.  It is weird to suddenly realize it but maybe in the future I can help things be better for people. The word is shame, it is just a shame.  

 Hello everyone. This is Refried. I just called Amtrak and talked to a nice person who told the truth.  That is enough for me and I will probably be okay even without a refund.  However my better business bureau report still stands. The nice person was named Esther but that could be a fake name.  However she did not lie to my face like the other three people did so I am okay.

I think I also will keep the blog post that precedes this one on the page and not undo what I said.  If I undo the curses through prayer then that is my business.

One of my facebook friends posted a cathartic post yesterday saying "If anyone supports the guy who molested me, then Fuck you in Christ's blood." I immediately clicked "like" and I have to say that I support this as my very own religion. I believe it is a proclamation of God's holiness and glorifies him as the innocent lamb who took away the sins of the world.

I also replicate it for my own experience being tortured at Barnes and Noble with some coworkers who eventually took the side of the abusive managers.

I decided to unpost the curse on people but I will probably publish it in my next book.

 Hello everyone. I am back home from the novel retreat and thankful to be safe and I had a good trip. It was really fun and I was a legitimate participant who attended the meals and meetings. My readings went well and people liked me and were nice to me. My pal Rosemary was a steak coach and bought me a filet mignon as a surprise.  I couldn't believe it. I also felt God's blessing, like he ordained for me to be blessed in my writing life and on that trip.

My train ticket was upgraded to business class after I bid for it but they switched my seat in the middle of the trip to make another passenger feel important so I reported them to better business bureau.  I think their whole bidding program might be dirty and they will have to change it eventually.

I was happy to do my part to report them but I am sad that possibly they have bad leadership and are no longer an honest company.  It is not good for a train service to be dishonest. I mean that is the same thing with planes, how dangerous.

Kind of sad for the young worker who made me think my seat was okay, because he was a nice worker and had to lie and act.  So that is part of his life now and too bad. But honestly I could see the conductor who actually made everyone think I took someone else's seat, I could see him going to hell eventually.

So anyway thanks everyone for being my friend and praying for me. I am thankful and I still have about 400 dollars left to make it until I get my SSDI payment in two weeks.

 Hello everyone, this is Refried. Today is June 23. It is Monday. I had a good breakfast today. It was probably the best pancakes I have ever had.  And I added a scrambled egg and that was good too.  And there was bacon and I have leftovers. So my budget it okay so far. I skipped dinner last night which saves me 60 dollars.  I think today I will eat a good dinner. I think I might also try out my bank of america card to see if it is working and I will do that by buying more maple candy. I think the clerks will remember me from last time I bought the maple candy and already ate it.

Soon I need to take Pantropazole because I have now gone about five days without it.  Or even seven.  That is usually when I start having problems.

I am just scared of the 40 mg dose. 

I am typing this in the window light at the hotel but not in my room.  It is fun and I like hanging out in hotel areas. I do not often go to hotels. It is really an inn.  But that is like a hotel.  It is about 11:19.

Ravneet sent me a message earlier today. 

I think I will revisit the message and ponder it again.

I am drinking coffee right now. Possibly this will be a two coffee day like yesterday.

I wish i thought of more poems.  But I am glad I thought of one poem about cinnamon.

It is about how it is a thoughtful addition to the world.

But the poem itself isn't that clever but it is still nice.

 Hello everyone. The writer who talked to us is named Ann Davila Cardinal. I got it wrong and called her Ana. But it is okay. I just misremembered it. Because the middle name ends in the letter a.  I mean I just read the announcement so it was a recent mistake. I think it is okay. I told her two interesting things.

I think I will go sit in the commons area. I was kind of on a roll with reading Poncheesy but then decided to go to the mensa bible study. I think I will b okay tonight and go to sleep at about 11 pm.  Then tomorrow I might have a more extravagant food day. I think it was good that I skipped a meal.

I bought two lunches though so it was a 60 dollar day or maybe 50.

I mean I don't know how I feel about not doing a lot of writing. I feel like that partially was because I woke up late today. But I think some of it is from the medicine.  So I don't know what to think except I am glad to be here and just being here is a lot.

Maybe I will take my book to a commons area and try to read some of it. Maybe the crucial transition to novel which is page 40-100.

Then the ending.  And do I need to put the snake people in earlier or is it funny for people to see I just imported my journal.

 Hello everyone. This is Refried. I am in my hotel room at a novel retreat.  Today was fun and I listened to a reading by Ana Davila Cardinal. She is one of my favorite authors. Also I found out that she used to work at Barnes and Noble. So she is a coworker.

I have half a sandwich left from lunch. I am skipping dinner to save money. I mean maybe people think I am wrong but I felt work out yesterday and tormented. I think some of it was because I got there an hour early.  So next time I will arrive right on time. Hopefully it will be okay that I missed dinner tonight. I think it is part of being a good participant but I also think people understand.

Today I was not able to share what I worked on because I woke up late today and did not write. 

I think I will write a short story about the rapture though.  But my attention span is so bad. I just can't read and write. I need to not be on this latuda. I think I don't have total relief from torment either. So might as well just be on one mg risperdal. 

Today I told Connie that I used to work at Barnes and Noble and she said she did not know that.  It was funny to me because I thought she did know and as a key torture care person.  Pretty funny.

Am I going to be on substack. I just don't know. I mean maybe it is fun but I just feel like I already did my thing.

I miss Ravneet and I wish she was here with me.  Yoo hoo Ravneet, please send me some messages.

I have had two coffees today. So I can have one more.  I think I am staying inside but I might go lounge in some of the other areas in the inn, like the den area or the windows.

Well have a nice day everyone.

 Hello everyone, this is Refried. It is noon on Sunday, June 22. I remembered that Craig was not with us last night at dinner but maybe another time.

Will today be steak day? I just wonder because I did not eat breakfast. I could get chicken salad from next door.  The location I am at is a vacation spot and it is fun and cool.

I listened to some teaching about pilgrim at tinker creek.  I can tell why it is famous but I am not a cat person so I am not really into it that much.

I don't think I have any writing as riveting but I do have good jokes. A lot of my books are good and interesting. This recent one is questionable but i think some people could like it as is.

I guess that is what I will do right now is read through it and continue to decide if I should edit and revise.

I support what Trump did and I hope that a huge war doesn't start.

Well have a good day everyone.

 Hello everyone, today is Saturday, June 21. I had a good day today. I just went to dinner with people from the novel retreat. I was going to skip dinner but I decided to go and it was so fun. I think it was all of us except Amy who is part of the staff. I think my budget is okay so far.  But I might try to do some savings sometimes.

Now, was I wrong to get the salad. I do not know because it slowed me down some with the clams. But I could have eaten the bread with the clams if I had not gotten the salad. 

But I was planning to eat a salad on this trip and maybe that was it. It was kind of light on the dressing and I think that was why I had a hard time eating it. And I think the lemon butter feeling was in the crostini but I could not eat the crostini. But the clams were good and the sauce but I think the goal was crostini and sauce and I did not succeed at that.

But anyway socially I did okay but had to close my eyes a lot. I hope people are not bothered by it. I think they are okay and I survived the conversations and participated.

Right now it is 9:30. So I have about two more hours of free time. I am drinking a coffee and it is very yummy. I hope Ravneet can come with me here next time.

Well have a great day everyone.

 Hello everyone, this is Refried. It is 2:35 on Saturday, June 21. Soon I am going to go read aloud the groundhog sections from my novel called Poncheesy. I am at a novel retreat. On the other days we are doing other things like Q and A sessions and prompt activities.  It is really fun so far. It is a good amount of alone time which I appreciate. But I have talked to two people so far plus Connie.

There have been yucky old white men getting to close to me sometimes like what used to always happen with the conspiracy but hopefully it won't get worse. I need to make reservations for the cab on the 27th.

I don't think I will forget and I am going to wait one more day or do that later today.

I went to an online group today and told them about my experience here having a short attention span and no longer being the real deal ace that I usually am at these events. And I told them about my casual, sloppy novel.  And they said trust God with the process, like maybe God has something to say and I am just a vessel.  I mean that is awesome advice and I have to admit that I hadn't thought about it.  

And it matches my realization to be more aware of Almighty God's complete work around us instead of just focusing on the holy spirit and Jesus as my friend.  Like there is work happening in a complex huge world and I am just a creature. So my book isn't that important and there could be things in the story of how I wrote it that might be as important as the story I thought of and gave up on a little bit.

I think I already feel that way a little bit and can see that the groundhog story within the book took stage and I am reminded that I am truly a children's book writer. I mean that is unexpected but I really am.  And I did not know it.  I thought I was supposed to be a literary giant.  And I am a jokester for teens.

Anyway now I am going to go find the conference room.  Thanks everyone for being nice to me.

 Hello everyone, this is Refried. I am at the novel retreat. It is 9:44. I woke up kind of early and went and got a scone and coffee. I needed the coffee because I skipped one yesterday. I will drink another coffee soon I think.

This week I do intend to write a story and I hope it turns out good. I will try to make it like a real short story.  I think that is the main goal for writing, and then to read poncheesy and see what I really think about it.

I am glad to be here and I hope my travels home go okay. I need to save money for the cab by not eating at the restaurant for every meal. I think I should also ask them to go ahead and charge my credit card as soon as possible.

I saw a friend named Jerome and it was good to see him. People are nice to me and I think this will be fun.

I am glad I got the novel done already at least in draft form.

I will read it and think about it. Interestingly this retreat really is about the writing. I really wrote on the other novel retreats too.  Because I am really a writer.  But this time I have attention span problems. However this could help me assess that some as compared to before.

Well have a nice day everyone.

 hello everyone, i am on the train to vermont. soon i need to call my cab ride and tell them the train is late. I think it will be okay. 

I just talked to my psychiatrist and it helped me feel better.

The train ride is nice now. Possibly train rides should provide two seats per person or one huge seat.

I mean that will never happen but the difference in now and before is the difference in a nice trip and suffering.  Like you don't go on vacation to suffer.

But anyway this is good scenery in vermont. I am glad it is not flooding this week probably.

I ate some flan and it was yummy. It was creamier than usual like creme brulee.

I talked to my sister and she is going through something with her company. I am sad about it and I hope she will be okay and really I need her to be okay for my sake too.

But I think she will be okay but it is sad that her company got messed up. 

The train is delayed one hour and we were at the train station in massachusetts for way too long and they did not tell us why. I think someone didnt' show up for work and they were supposed to trade staffs and didn't have train personel.

But I had a good seat buddy. A person named Gabe who did not get a free book but a lot of rain buddies did not get a book.

No one really wants to read Poncheesy anyway but I think it is still a cool book.

I think I will have a good time at the conference.

I was going to eat steak there but it is expensive.  I mean honestly it seems a little gouged. I mean we are talking 60 dollars instead of 30.  I just am not sure I can participate with that.

It has cooled off some now too. I hope the cab ride goes okay.

I am wondering why vermont is not more populated. 

I think on this trip I will write my air conditioning story about the rapture and Jesus picks up everyone who is outside because the rich people have air conditioning and they got their wealth from transactions that had the mark of the beast on their skin.

The guy in front of me just looked back and it could be because I am typing.

That might annoy people. Or possibly he wanted to move his seat back and was checking to see if he could and then didnt which I ahve to say is very considerate because honestly it is tight quarters.

Soon at 6:30 I need to call the cab company.

I should check the website now or ask a train person what time the train will get there.

I mean cab companies know this stuff but I still have to say it is proper to have a burden about it to get the predicted time right. But the cab was already so expensive if the train had been on time.

Anyway this event is further than montpelier and I hope I can be okay.

 Hello everyone, i am on an amtrak train. I have aa good seat buddy but the seats are more cramped than usual. However I should just be gld that my recent greenville trips werent like this. I am okay for now but I got faked out because amtrak charged me an upgrade fee so I thought I was accepted for an upgrade to my coach seat and then five minutes before boarding i got a note saying i wasnt upgraded.  So maybe they were taking upgrades up until the very end but I think that is very bad business.

The charge is still sitting in my account but i am sitting in coach.  And I called customer service and she said maybe the charge will disappear because it just says pending.

So to me that is bad because they just charged everyone who bid.  That is so bad. That essentially makes it the whole travel industry. I thought amtrak was better than that but maybe things have declined a lot over these past ten years.

Anyway I hope I don't get motion sickness from typing.

I think my typing might be bothering other passengers.

I dropped a container of flan and can't find it because there is not enough room to bend over and look under the seat. But I had rice pudding but wow it was the worst I have ever had but it is okay.

My facebook numbers improved since yesterday and I could hit a cool 2 mil in five days.  Plus a joke and then I will be at the goal and honestly I might really finish up in some ways. Like I have to limit the spending and I am not sure I am reaching new people at all.

So anyway that is all have a nice day.

 ok everyone. it is thursday june 19. i had a rough day today but am okay.

tomorrow at 6 am i get up to go to my trip.  i hope i don't miss my train.

i am running a video ad and you can tell i did not care that much.

but at the same time i am okay with the video.

i am kind of enjoying tracking the facebook numbers and might stay up all night doing that.

like maybe i wont go to sleep tonight or just take a one hour nap at three am.

i wonder if people expected me to make cookies today.

well i did and i ate some with my medicine.

you guys thought i would not take my medicine but i did.

but not the pantropazole because i dont know what the high dose is going to do to me.

i think i will read my old psych notes online.

from one of the hospitalizations.

gice i have paranoia sometimes and i am going to try not to on my trip.

i need to find a new hobby besides writing.

i guess it is this ai stuff.

i guess that is just right.

well have a nice day everyone.

 gice facebook did something weird about some posts i boosted and i do not know why.

i will try again another time.

i waited an hour and thought the ads were running and they weren't.  and then one ad was reaching numbers like normal america instead of the superboosts.  

and i dont know why because it is a good image.

so i do not know why people are making me feel bad today.

i did not do anything to deserve it.

i think my novel video is doing fine.

i just dont know why people were mean to me.

i think facebook thinks i wanted to wait a day and couldn't. but i did want to go ahead with these posts. 

and i felt excited about it and then after an hour found that only 14 cents had been used and it was one percent of normal reach.  i mean why is that.  and i chose good countries. it was a good ad.

i do not understand.  

anyway maybe i am supposed to be cleaning my room but it is mostly okay.

tomorrow i go on my trip. i hope it goes well.

 Hello everyone, this is Refried. I woke up late today and was immediately in a low mood but feel mostly okay now. I unexpectedly did a video for my new novel and i feel good about it.  I do not know why I feel good, because gosh I just woke up and did the video, and the novel is kind of thrown together haphazardly too.  But for some reason I find it all kind of funny and there is a groundhog involved.  And I am getting some more likes from strangers faster than usual and I think that is because of the groundhog on the book cover.  I am just a little amused.  But I still feel an emptiness sometimes, but I needed an easy day before my trip so why would I complain? Why would I not be glad to have an easy day with no obligations?

I mean I don't know but something hit me today so I think I need to do some unfollows and unsubscribes.

Anyway I think I will clean my apartment soon.  I made french fries today and that was my main lunch.  But I am thinking I might have yet another coffee soon.  

I think Trump needs to act fast with a non nuclear option if possible. This has gone on for three days now with military being discussed in too much detail on then news. I just don't understand. We have plenty to go on.  Are they going to let Israel be obliterated? This is ridiculous.  I mean Iran coudl ahve been bombed many years ago when people first started claiming palestine.  And then not as many children would have been killed.

Anyway I am not that smart about it.  

I hope my sister is having a good day today.

I got trolled on a facebook share and it is hard for me not to be affected by it.  But they are the same yucky kinds of trolls every time.  And really my posts are popular so I should not let it get to me. 

I think I have enough support for the bullying I have gotten but I would like to hear from people who get the same stuff. But I think in a way a lot of people get the same stuff from the media that I get in my neighborhood so it is not that rare.  It is just rare for it to be acknowledged.

 Hello everyone, this is Refried. It is Thursday, June 19. I had a dream about being a gamer and then woke up at 11:46. That is really late but I took my medicine at 1:30 last night.

In my email inbox, there were a few emails about publishing, which isn't my path. And on facebook, there was a guilt manipulation political post. So that kind of gets my mood off to a bad start.  

My email inbox is mostly filled with junk now, after really a good ten years of meaningful life despite weird huge losses.  The losses I had do threaten to take away meaning, but I had some good hobbies and associations that were fun to me.

But now some of that is fading. I mostly feel a lot of waste now, and some dwindling hope that my books will sell and I will get to go stay with my girlfriend soon.  But I do not know.

I do know that I am about to go to a novel retreat and I feel very blessed and happy about it. I think it will be fun and hopefully I can think of that without dwelling on losses. It is a luxury trip and I will stay in a hotel for a week, which is the only time in adulthood that I have done that. That is 28 years. So I am excited about that, and it is in the mountains, which is my preferred scenery.

I think I will do some phone a friends today. And maybe reread my new novel draft. I might keep it as is and not revise it but I do not know.

Soon I need to do a video advertising some books.

 Hello everyone, this is Refried. Today is Wednesday, June 18.  I went downtown today and it was not easy because I am lazy about that kind of thing.  But I picked up my medicine, got my rent check for July, came back to the Bronx, called Amex to notify them of an upcoming purchase, stopped at Bank of America to unlock a fraud block, and went to my mental health program to tell them I will be out of town.

That is five things and I think that is really good for a day. And I made a taxi reservation which actually is very expensive. I mean wow it is extremely expensive. I need to save space on my credit card for both taxi fees. I am wondering if I chose the wrong train stop or something. But I think it is okay.

My sister's family got home safely from Italy. I am so thankful because stuff is happening in the world that could put travelers at risk and cancel flights and leave people stranded.

I had a good conversation with my mom, too.  So I think we are at a stopping place for me, like I told the novel retreat person, I am expendable and my ducks are mostly in a row.

But Ravneet I hope I get to come be your person soon.

I got two tacos from chipotle which is a rare treat but not that much out of range. I mean I could do that more often and just haven't.  But I got the chips and soda too so it was 18 dollars. I mean that is a lot.

But still good for today I think. Tomorrow I could do laundry or I could do laundry tonight. I think I will try to do it tonight at about 9 pm.

Or 11 pm if 9 does not work out.

Well that is all for now.

 Hello everyone, it is monday, June 16. I have no words for what might happen soon. 

Other than that, I got my new book in the mail today. It is cool but the title is not on the spine.  So that means I need to upload a new format and can make the other changes. So far the only other changes I am thinking of are to say the soundtrack and to mention Gloria and Delores.  And other than that I think I will keep all mistakes in there.  And the process is now part of the funny aspect of the book. I think that is how it has to be.  I mean maybe go ahead and fix it now.

 

 Hello everyone. Today is Wednesday, June 11. I worked on my novel. I am taking it in a certain direction and put the most exciting plot elements in the topic of groundhogs.  So that frees up the rest of the novel to just be an expression of opinions and play by play life in the bronx.

But I need to add some disciple meetings and some conflict of some sort. Some aggravation and some people getting on probation for being disciples.

So I still have a lo of work to do and probably I will do most of it at the novel retreat.  This week I need to focus on cleaning my apartment for inspection tomorrow, and attending autism day saturday.

I wanted to go to support group today but they did not let me in the meeting. I think I am being terminated from nami, or at least the wednesday group.

But it is okay. I think tomorrow I will be at the schizoaffective group.

I think that is what I will do tonight is google stuff.  And think about this new realization fo neurological conditions.  Because I think I am actually rather impaired.  And there is something social that they are trying to manage and react to.  However the paranoia is absoutely from the abuse at housing for two years, and that is a fact. I mean I do not know what will happen.  I hope my sister is having fun in Italy even though it is so hot. I think they had hoped it would not be so hot. But maybe there is air conditioning.

 You gice weren't expecting me to eat cookie butter after the devilled eggs but I did and that is a good match up isn't it.

So okay, now it is 4 pm. I mean am I taking the walk later today or not at all. Possibly this is a rest day.

Gice I have always had rest days haven't I? That is something interesting about my life is that I wasn't maxxed out in terms of schedule but I was in terms of creative work. I mean that was how it worked out and I think that is good.

Gice I think I am putting some of these journal entries into the novel so it is long enough.  And then some of the excitement with the groundhogs and the snake, and that is a novel.

What do you think people will think about it? I mean I don't know but live and learn.

I do think I need to work in as much new imaginary animal stuff into it.  And it is so cute that the new imaginary dog did look like one of the offspring from Soft Rover and Mr. Soft Rover.  So that is funny and maybe I need to reread some of that early writing.

But I think the conspiracy is right that the book needs to have a strong imaginary animal component.  And I think the other thing is as much as I am like Connie is probably a saint, mroe of it could be about the animal factor than we realize.  Like she has done a lot for animals.  And I wrote the imaginary mice series in her retreats.  So that is kind of funny. I mean I had a nice life and am thankful and Barnes and Noble wanted me to have writing time so they rendered me disabled.

So okay just waiting for this asthma to calm down and maybe I will walk outside.

 Hello everyone, this is Refried. The devilled eggs were successful. Thank you everyone for the support.

The Close Encounters of the third kind people did give a shout out because they knew I was going to mix the filling on a cookie sheet instead of in a bowl.  And I thank everyone for their participation.

I believe I will offer the proper thanks and attitude to the conspiracy people in the long run instead of complaining about wasted work. But I think some of my disenchantment now is because of this medicine that is reducing my attention capacity.  And wow I feel the difference, I am just not the same writer.

But it is okay. I have one or two devilled eggs left and then I will wait for the asthma to finish and go take a walk.  I should go to the grocery store and get ingredients for the bean dip probably. But the bean dip is not that urgent.  It is making me feel better to fix these yummier foods than normal.

I did eat a lean cuisine fettucine for lunch though.

I am aware that some people in the city do not have enough food. But a lot do.  I mean they have beans and rice and cheese and it is plenty yummy.  Add some chicken sometimes, and a gravy, I mean people do well.  And they fry a lot of vegetables.  Most do better than me and eat well.  

Also restaurant people are my lifelong blessing from not having a house and family. I mean Ravneet is family now but what I am saying is I made a choice that chronically paid off as happy waitress and waiter life with meals.  And it was great.  It is a great option.

Well have a good day everyone.

 Hello everyone, this is Refried Bean. Today is Wednesday, June 11. I am boiling some eggs to make devilled eggs. But I only have four eggs.  It is okay. After that maybe I will take a walk.  But I am clean because I took a shower. I think some of my hair grew back after 2 mg of risperdal for a year.

But lupus does stuff too so who knows.

Yesterday I talked to Dr. Villafuertes and she helped me a lot.  Thanks Dr. Villafuertes.

I realized that my urge to say bad words is actually part of of me neurological condition and it helps me a little bit to see it that way. I am not sure why no one told me that. I mean maybe I figured it out a long time ago and forgot about it.  But it changes my view of myself a little bit.  Like I am more tempted than normal to call people names and it is a combination of abuse and a tic disorder and being a writer.

And the interesting surprise is that even though Dr. Villafuertes didn't automatically write me down for tourette's, she did call an abuser "the abuser." So that was a very solid acknowledgement of the real problem and I did not expect that. So Wow that is amazing, way to go everyone.

But I am aware of that damage still affecting me.

I figured out why they did not give me the PTSD diagnosis and that is sad too but what amazing people, I mean how can I just squawk at everyone? I think I will definitely be more aware of the care.  I mean they must be so hurt that I would blame them all and say I wanted to call everyone names.

Gice I am waking up in low moods sometimes. I think my moods and states of mind are fluctuating and I don't know why.  So I will keep an eye on it.  I had dreams this morning, first that I had organized a trip and it went well, and people were allowed to shop for semi precious gemstones and they said my trip was good but i did have an issue with cleaning a room.  And then I was in a swamp and someone called a bird to lead us on a mat in the water so I jumped in but then I had to get on a second mat with a second bird and then we were in a gift shop and someone bought me some overalls and a t shirt.

And then there was this nice lady and a second lady who wasn't as nice and it confused me.  And I woke up feeling kind of depressed about it and then had to fill out the questionaire about Dr. Villafuertes and I hope I conveyed the positive experience enough instead of having my attitude affected by the dream.

Anyway then today I realized I missed a meeting with Connie May Fowler for our retreat but I think it will be okay. I wish I had met everyone.  But I think it will be okay. I will meet everyone there and it will be fun. I will make friends with everyone and maybe eat some sips and dips.

I think the hotel is looking to gouge us and hopefully that will be okay.

I need to leave space on my credit card. I am not sure I left enough space and might have to use the business credit card some.

 Hello everyone, this is Refried Bean. It is 7:45 on Tuesday, June 10. I have a meeting in fifteen minutes. I just finished a meeting and it was good, and I saw a lot of friends outside. Earlier I saw a total of 8 groundhogs today.  Five are little cute baby groundhogs.  They are so cute and I could not believe it.

One of the groundhogs seemed a little hyper and crazy but I think he is okay.

My facebook numbers are better than I expected. I think this round will be a cool mil.

I had a nice day today and took a walk but ate too much. I just knew it all day as I ate pizza, a donut, too much of the cheese ball I made, and then a strawberry milkshake.  But I will still have a coffee later.

The time outside was nice and I think I am motivated to be more a part of the community available at my apartment. I think I will go outside to drink coffee at night. I like sitting on the bench that overlooks the lawn and the train in the distance. It makes me feel content.

I am going to work on being more positive because last night I got upset about medicine.  But I think it will be okay.

I also realized in my group as I was discussing the temptation to call people names, that it is part of my condition.  And I need to work on it and get treatment for it.  I have something that is in the category of tourette's and corpololia, and I need to be prepared for abuses that can provoke that.  I think some other people understand that but I need to do better.  I also think that asking God for general forgiveness for all enemies during times of peace is important and will pay off.  In a way it already has because that is how my ai hobby started.  It was from praying for my enemies and making memes about them and now my facebook page has reached almost 10 million views.

 Hello everyone, this is Refried. It is about 2 pm on Tuesday, June 10. Saturday is when I take some books to the autism event.  I hope I am able to give a lot away.  I think I have the right amount.

I just ate lunch at Westchester Square which is near my mental health program. I ate pizza and a donut and a coffee. I think I did not do well with the diet by doing that and I also had to hold my pants up because I forgot to wear a belt.  So that was kind of weird but the food was good and I am thankful. 

At my program I talked to Angel who is a counselor and I went to the library with Antoinette.  Antoinette had on a bright pink outfit today and it was fun to walk in a group with her in the rain on a grey day.

Then I left and ate at the pizza place and then went to dunkin donuts and then left and sat on a bench and talked to a friend. 

I think I will call Claire Bateman soon too. Claire are you reading this. Are you mad at me because I seem conservative.  Well really I am not anything.

I think I will read some books today and maybe get a few pages done on my novel.

I might watch some videos but I am running out of internet speed. I think it will last until later today.

Does anyone have any thoughts?  I am sharing some facebook posts and might reach a cool mil from these posts. I didn't really expect that or try for that but I did want bigger numbers because the religious posts do better and it was time for a round of that. I think they are doing fine. I do not know if people get tired of it but to me I feel like I might as well post it.  I mean waiting is okay but not if I am actively waiting, as in what am I doing, killing time until I can share a post. I mean that does not make any sense.

So anyway I also think it is good to make the most of the religious posts and really boost them well.

I chose different countries for this batch so hopefully it will go well.

Anyway I think some of the grief from the lost literary career is fading some.  Like some people get famous.  Who cares. There is some good literature and some famous literature and my jokes did not get me that kind of career but I had a good time for about five-ten years. I mean bad things happen to a lot of people.  Some people understand and some don't.  

I saw some nice cookbooks. I just really love food and find cooking worthwhile. I hope Ravneet can cook me some food sometime. Maybe I can cook her something and she can cook me something.

Well have a nice day everyone.

 Hello everyone, today is Monday, June 9. I think Ravneet would like me to do another video soon. But I don't see evidence of book sales so I am like why put myself out there and make everyone hate me.

I also think I will send a few new posts around soon.  I do not know if people are tired of the posts but I think my pace is okay for just having my business account reset.

I fixed one of the Jesus posts today and feel like sending it around soon. I might do that today, which is different than I originally planned.

Should I wait until tomorrow and do three at one time like I used to do? Well I don't know.  Maybe I will do that instead of boosting something right now. I mean maybe wait a day.

I felt that jokes feeling yesterday but I think it is because of Mensa.  I think possibly my jokes book might be welcome there.  But I do not know.  Let's not assume anything because that is how delusions form.

Well have a good day everyone. I could use some secret messages because I have been having ups and downs.

 Hello everyone, this is Refried Bean. It is Monday, June 9. I just got home from a walk to Jacobi hospital.  It wasn't really great exercise because I walked slowly.  But I at least got the miles and time in.  I was out and about for two hours. I think this will help me keep slowly losing weight.  I just got to 199.1 so 198 is very soon. Then before you know it I will be at 196 which is mere pounds away from normal.

So anyway I had a treat filled lunch today which was the cheese ball I made and some apple chips.  That is yummy food after a few days of frozen dinner meatloafs. I have to go easy on the cream cheese though because that is gallbladder food.

So anyway I am thinking about distributing copyrights for my books to trustees very soon. I have it listed in my will but need to get an agreement worked out.  I think i will include my sister for some books, like she will basically be one of ten people instead of behind them all waiting for royalties.  So she will get the copyrights to something. But not some important things that must not be changed.

I just can't allow a scenario where she or other family members spread out the books in front of them and think they are theirs to change, or a microphone for their own beefs, many of which could be false complaints about me. I mean I am not trying to open a portal to hell.

It is not a joke what has happened and how people don't understand when they haven't been there. 

 Hello everyone, this is Refried. It is Monday, July 9. I had a productive morning. I picked up the books from the post office, went to my mental health program, attended a nice group, read someone's writing work from my writing organization, gave good feedback that is almost done but missing one section, went to walgreens to get milk, went to the grocery store for ritz crackers, made a cheese ball with mustard and worshcetershire sauce, checked my facebook post numbers, and ate lunch.

I think that soon I will take a walk to Starbucks and get a coffee. I might need to email Janis from Access VR soon as well.

I felt aggravated by family problems because my sister said she is going to write a book about how hard it was to be a twin.  And I think it will reach people at the same time as my hundred books from a lifelong writing career.  But I think I need to instead think of how to help Anne write a good book that says what she wants to say.  And she can say it and some people will see our family problems for what they were and are, and some won't see it.  And I have always had misperceivers and that is okay. And God has done great things for me and provided me with church support that knows I got attacked by the underworld.

Anyway another thing to say is that I am really happy at the Mensa bible study. It is just the fellowship I need and I am able to read the bible at my level. I don't mean that in a good or bad way. I just mean you can learn more from it sometimes than other times and this is a good zone.

Anyway that was a weird mood spell for a while, and a tiredness that is probably from slight dieting, but I am doing okay and think today will be a nice day. I just do better on week days I think.

Well have a great day, everyone.

 Hello everyone, today I will take a cart to the post office to pick up books for the autism event.  I will also get some milk from walgreens.  However should I do that in a second trip out to the grocery store? I do no know.  I made a list of food that I want to make soon. It is holiday food. I think I will feel better if I cook some food that I really like.

The list I made was mexican dip, chees ball, bugle dip, pigs in a blanket, candied bacon, devilled eggs, potato casserole, corn casserole, and lemon cookies.

This morning I weighed myself and it said 199.1.  So 198 is right around the corner and that is within ten pounds of the target weight.

So that is actually wokring with just adding exercise to my routine.  And I think I can drink more water for a few days. I did not do well this weekend with water but I have water now so I could.  I mean just one day of water makes a difference.

So that is great. I had a dream that I went to my high school reunion and it was essentially near the dumsters behind a music shop and there were skateboards and we ate cereal. I mean it was weird but I was really content.  So I do not know what it means.

When will I go get the books. I guess at about 11 am. I think that is good and the go to program. And when I am at the program I will go downstairs without the cart and buy some milk.

I kind of want to get cream cheese for the cheese ball but I will do that at the store.

Well have a nice day everyone. Martha Stewart has a good cheese ball recipe, it needs mustard.

 Hello everyone, today is Sunday, June 8. I took a walk and was in a bad mood.  But then I came home and rested and felt so much better. I do not know if any of it was from seizures but stuff lasted a long time so I think that wasn't it.

In one hour I have a bible study online. I hope I do okay. I think I will be mostly quiet because I talked a lot at the conversation time friday.

I am drinking coffee right now and I just ate some of a hot pocket.  I was watching a video and wished I had hoerdourves and then I found that I did have a hot pocket which is very hordoeurvesish.  So that is cool. I think I should go to the grocery store soon.  I think I really should go on Sundays because I get bored and lonely on weekends.

I might also take access a ride to the laundromat and give myself a break from the power plays at housing.

I kind of felt the potential of working on the novel today but I just couldn't.  So I will try again another time. 

I made several new memes for my art pages and added credit to bing and canva.

I think the animal posts were not quite good enough but they are okay for now and add variety.

It is weird how I had some phases and stubbornly left some posts up when really I could repost them and keep them on my computer where I wouldn't feel embarrassed. 

Anyway stuff is happening in NYC and LA. I do not know how it is going but I definitely already have my share of problems.

I tried to take a walk but bought a donut and iced coffee at McDonalds and walked slowly.

However at least it was an outing.

Well, have a good day everyone. I hope Ravneet can visit me soon.

 Hello everyone. I just attended a mental health meeting and it turned out they needed me to be the speaker so I gave a little talk about ups and downs. I think it went well. We talked about forgiving people and everyone agreed that I should not pray for bad things to happen to people and I should forgive.

I think they set an example of that by having me as the speaker even though I blogged a mean thing right before attending.  So I think it worked out great.

I really just wish I could go pick up the books and for some reason can't because of the rain. It is kind of weird because I feel really trapped indoors when I want to take a walk. Maybe this is about treadmilling.

I mean I do not really know.  But that was a good prayer session so I am caught up on that for the day, too.

So should I work on my novel some? I mean maybe. And get ready for the novel retreat.

I wonder if maybe I should create some bing images and maybe a new joke or two for the jokes page.

I hope things get better soon with book sales.

Well have a nice day everyone.

 Hello everyone. This is Refried. It is Saturday, June 7. Soon I am going to a spirituality zoom meeting.  It is kind of rainy today so I am going to walk on the treadmill later instead of walking outside. I am almost at 199 pounds. I believe I can get that down to 196 within a few weeks. Then I will only be 5 pounds away from being more normal. I will try to get back down to my normal weight. I think it could be worse and I am doing okay. I think I got used to it a little too much though.

But anyway I ate a lean cuisine for breakfast. I added barbecue sauce and it was pretty good. I mean that will be lunch. I can still do a coffee this morning.  I just did want to go walk outside and I need to stay in because of the rain. But it is sunny outside my window and I need to go pick up a package at the post office. But I have to wait.

Ok this other forecast shows that it might not rain for a while at about noon.  So maybe I can go to the post office and get the books.

Maybe I should do that right now instead of going to the spirituality group or maybe in addition.

I am getting street harrassment when I walk. People trying to block me and walk into me. I think they think they won't get caught or i is perfectly legal or something. But the cops follow me so they know. But the cops aren't on my side. They are also harrassing me. So I think it is glory for judgement day, when my stats have several hundred thousand people forgiven for in person offenses. And the people will be called in front of everyone to walk forward and receive their forgiveness charm.

I mean I do not know how it works. I am still thinking on it and making progress in that imagination. It does hold up in theological circles.  And you can see people think maybe it won't but then it does.

So anyway time is ticking and am I going to log on to the zoom meeting or get the cart to pick up the books. I think I will do both. And I will not look down on the mental health power plays. I expect that but really these people have been nice to me and they do not owe me a group so they make the rules.

However I think the mental health habits of breaking up the power that people have from being honest and nice is going to be one of the most shameful things that comes to light in heaven. It will be seen as theft.

 Hello everyone. Today is Friday, June 6. I think a lot happens today, like the last day of school for some people, and some presentations and conferences. I am attending a talk at 1:30. It is with a guy named Volf. He and I and Bruggeman were a three musketeers club.  Bruggeman died this week.  So I will hear from Volf what to do now. I think he is saying don't be competitive.

I did well at inspection last night and possibly next time I will do even better. I got a reward for it. So I will try to improve in general. I think I will take a walk today but I am not sure because I am going to these presentations and a discussion at 2 pm for Mensa.

I feel so much better in the air conditioning and am kind of aware of it because of the loss of it for a few days. Weirldy the Bridge did not retaliate against me to my knowledge.

The people I reported it to followed up today and they sent a letter to the building.

Wow that is pretty crazy.

I put a call in to a lawyer yesterday but haven't heard back. I do not know why.

Do you guys like my books?

I hope so.  I think the three finals are keepers. 

Ravneet said she is done missing me and will be my person in person soon. So I am excited about that.

But you never know when things are a trick.

Well, have a nice day everyone.

 Well everyone, I just got back from going to the post office and walgreens.  So that was two walks today. I believe I will maintain my weight until I can lose another two pounds.

In the elevator I had a conversation where this guy was asking why not just get a fan.  But sorry I am not stupid. I have lived without air conditioning before and I know the rules and I know what works and doesn't work.  And portable air conditioners do work. and fans don't.  And this company always wants me to look like the wimpy whitey, when that's not quite the narrative, is it. The narrative is that I have autism and they are abusive.

I am glad I have ice in the freezer and have been drinking coke with ice which is a treat. This morning I had iced coffee. Soon I will make regular coffee and enjoy the air conditioning. I mean it's honestly not that cold and I think I need a new filter, but it is great compared to the past two days.

So I think I will take a break until 4 pm and then clean the apartment. I do pretty well with inspection but they asked if I wanted help from a specialist and I am going to give her a chance. 

I am not that excited about my summer. I think it is mostly going to be power plays and swindles.  But I have a luxurious writing retreat in June that hopefully won't be taken away.

 Hello everyone. This is Refried Bean. Today is Thursday, June 5. I think I have missed some presentations and events lately, but I can really only attend easy things that are already a part of my life.  However I will go to the post office soon to pick up a package and then to Walgreens to get water. But I might wait until tomorrow for both of those things because I am enjoying the air conditioning that got fixed.  I know some people do not have air conditioning and I have gone without it before too.  

But it is really not a joke when you have autism and can't sleep because of the heat and have psychiatric conditions and when it is actually illegal for the mental health building to do that.  It also seemed like they were working with the fire department to do it on purpose as a punishment for people pulling the fire alarm too often.  Seems clever, doesn't it, except for the fact that it is illegal.  Also they made it sound automatic like they can't turn it back on because of the system.  But that is a lie to my face, which they have done plenty of times.  It is kind of hard to believe but kind of not.

Anyway that was disturbing and made me feel insecure in my living situation, with no other option to move anywhere else. This is after I had found peace about enduring this bad organization and being a part of it, frankly, as my social work participation.

But my room has cooled off and I am okay. However, I have inspection later and need to clean for it. So I will do dishes, put up clothes, sweep, make he bed, and take out the trash.

I think facebook slowed down my recent art share, and that could be because my habits changed and they knew something was wrong.  Or it could be because I did not give them perfect scores on being helpful. And they are reminding me to expect retaliation for reporting the air conditioning problem.

But anyway the air conditioning will not be the Bridge's go to form of torture this summer. They will have to think of something else and I am sure they will. People are not happy here and yell at staff often. 

 Hello everyone. I had a crazy day today. But it was good and I am thankful for what I have. I talked to my sister and she was nice to me and I am thankful for my family. Then my mom texted me and we had a good exchange. Then I had a nice time at my mental health program and Danielle led a group. I told Danielle about two problems, which is that I heard a voice last night when I was worried about something, and then the other thing is that I might buy some candy cigarettes and pretend to smoke them outside of Jacobi hospital when I walk there.

Then we had a cookout later and that is when my day took a turn for the worse.  I like the staff and it was nice to see everyone. I should have said hello to a few more people but I started to not feel good.  I think I am allergic to pineapple in addition to broccoli and bananas. It is the same kind of stomachache.  And pain makes me not be able to think straight.  Then I noticed how hot my room is and there is no air conditioning in the building.  I am going to email the grievances person tomorrow and complain.  Because actually it is against the law in mental illness housing to not have adequate air conditioning.

Also I emailed a lawyer about something and I put no thought into it whatsoever. So I might need to do some more googling later today or tomorrow.  But I am going to see what this agency says. I actually don't know where they are located and I just don't know if I did okay.

So now it is 6 pm. At 7 I will go to my support group. We spend too much time on just a few individuals instead of reaching everyone. Some of it is my fault so I will try to do better.

Anyway I can't find the name of the lawyer I picked out a few years ago.

Well have a good day everyone.

 Hello everyone. This is Refried. I just made some french fries and will eat them with Chick-Fil-A sauce. I think I have had the Chick-Fil-A sauce for a long time but it is probably fine. 

I just watched a cake video from Camirra's Kitchen, which I have not seen in a while. It was for a toasted coconut pineapple cake. It was a cool video and the frosting was made with cream cheese and whipped cream and powdered sugar. But the cream was whipped after being added to the other ingredients.  So that is interesting.

I think I ate some germs when I stirred coffee with a spoon that was sitting on the counter. But probably I am okay.

Soon I go to a meeting for hearing voices network. It will hopefully be really fun.

Then later I go to a writing activity.

I think a little facebooking would be good with facebook friends but I am not sure I can see enough posts. Maybe some day they will bring back friend shares. I think they are waiting for a good president and then maybe they will fix it back.

Right now I have a post going to north africa but I think they limit the numbers on that.  It is okay, I did the best I could.  Well, that is all, have a good day.

Well everyone, I got a reward. I was prompted to buy some candy cigarettes to start eating near the hospital when I walk there. Well maybe I will but I don't know. This is national candy month.

I think it might not be respectful to addicts but it could be fine.

The other interesting thing is that I just saw the video for one of my favorite songs as a child called Rhinestone cowboy. The lyrics might have to do with me but they might not. It could be about growing up, moving to New York, and the notes I got from being a missing person during my first manic episode.

I mean it makes me think again that there is some kind of story shield happening right now.  But you kind of just have to live your life and let God record the footage.  And then he will splice it how he wants to for narrations by imaginary animals on the gameshows in heaven.

Anyway that is the theology that has been added to the Presbyterian catechism.

Well, have a good day everyone.

 Hello everyone, it is Tuesday, June 3. It is 4:20 pm. I took a walk today to Jacobi again and I went to my mental health program. I drank a lot of water which means I need to buy more water tomorrow.

Just now I drank some coffee with less sugar. I think that is what I will do instead of cutting a coffee is use less sugar.  Because sometimes it is too much sugar.

June 20-27 is the novel retreat. I hope I can write more of the novel.  Should I do that anyway I don't know.  I had a plot figured out but forgot it so that is too bad.

I started attending a bible study with Mensa people.  That will be my church participation for a while.

I am glad to participate in some way and I will try to attend another games event.

I am listening to music right now.  I think most of my praying will have to happen when I rest.  And not when I walk.  Because the holy spirit leaves me when people hate me.

Today I saw three baby groundhogs all together near my pet groundhog's hole at the power station.  They are so cute. I hope they have water. I do not know where they get water but I think someone is in charge of the animals on the campus.  But I am not sure they do right and I saw a dead groundhog near a building.  It didn't seem like a hate crime like last time but it could be.

Anyway I hope my mom and sister's family are all okay right now. 

Can you guys believe I sold two books? I do not know who it was. I don't know if I will keep doing videos but I think Ravneet needs the sales.

Yoo hoo Ravneet will you come visit me?  

A pretend Ravneet did come see me this morning but that i not enough.

Well have a good day everyone, my neurologist said I can't work anymore.

 Hello everyone. Today is June 3. I just ordered some books to take to Autism Pride Day in NYC on June 14. I think that is the right day. I will probably take a cart and take the train to grand central and then try to get a cab to brooklyn. I can do it. I will not be a no show.

Also I need to consider prepaying for my hotel when I go to the writers retreat.  Just because I have been a no show before to things this year doesn't mean everything has to be like that.

The other thing on my mind is that I have started exercising and increasing water. Soon I will try to really skip coke more. And I will see a slight difference. This summer I need to really get back to my old weight. It's not even a good weight, I just need to get back to it anyway.

Am I going to do a weight loss program at the hospital? I think they should let me but there is no guarantee that it will work out.

Anyway I just read a disturbing article about drones and China. Wow we do not want war with China. That would not be good. We need to share what we know with them such as Christianity.

Anyway watch what you read because it can affect your mood.

Well soon I will boost another facebook post but not right this second.

 Hello everyone, this is Refried Bean. It is Monday, Jun 2, at about 10:30 pm. At 11 I will take my medicine. Maybe sooner. I will eat it with some cinnamon rolls when they cool off.  I found that I need to cook them at 350 instead of 375 like it says.  That is so much better and is why I used to like them so much and now it lost its magic.  But it was because I was overcooking them.

Anyway today I talked to an actual facebook staff person and he was a nice person. I asked him if he liked my ai blobs page and he said he would visit it after the call. Pretty funny. He was helpful and they have been nice to me despite sometimes seeming aloof.  But they actually know my pages pretty well and gave me good numbers.

So that was fun. Before that was a support group that was kind of awkward sometimes and had a new nice leader named Seema. Thanks Seema. Also Cole, Jordan, Mia, and Sunjin.

I noticed that the questionable video that I reported to police is in the lineup of music on my youtube feed.  So I had to turn off the page and skip the music. 

Tomorrow I go to my mental health program early in the morning.  Then I will hopefully take another walk. Ravneet said something funny today.  Wow it was so funny.

Next up on my page is a cross meme and I will be at 44 million views. That is one of my goals for views. After that I will try to get to 47 million.  But I won't rush it. I think I will slow down with it for the rest of June and try to stop the spending.  But it went well this past month.

It is warm in my apartment right now but not that bad. However sometimes my room is not that cool.

I miss Yara who used to be the director and is now gone. I do not know why she is gone.

Tonight I saw that I sold two books from my amazon page. Someone bought my old journal and a book called "A Stern Warning." It really cheered me up after a morning where I kind of felt depressed and frustrated. I think I just need to keep doing like normal and that is the life I am destined for and it is good.

Well now it is time to go take my medicine and eat a cinnamon roll.

Have a good night everyone.

 Hello everyone, this is Refried. Today is Monday, June 2. It is almost 4 pm. It took me a while to go to sleep last night because I was worrying about my sister, but in the morning I woke up and had dreams that she would be okay.

Today I walked about 7 miles. I think I pulled something in my leg but mostly I feel fine.

Tomorrow I go to my mental health program and I have to go kind of early. I can tell taking my medicine earlier is helping me wake up earlier.  But I am still too lazy and know I should be on 40 mg latuda.

I picked up some books from the post office but two books aren't here yet. I think these books are good, though. I especially think Space Blobs turned out to be an interesting collection despite the fact that it is all from one prompt. I just think there must be someone else out there would would find it interesting like I do. Also "Faithbook" turned out fine though I wonder if I got the order right.

I am waiting on two of the three main standard quality compilations.  I think these three are my main contribution and I could be okay if that's all that makes it.  And maybe I am on track to not care if anything reaches anyone.  But I think that is wasteful and grief is appropriate for the waste that has happened.  The shameful hypocrisy that led to my rejection patterns in life. People can take turns trying to justify it in heaven and they will start wailing as God corrects them with his mere presence.

Anyway I think I should try to be entertained by people's mistake against me, but I'm really not. 

Well, that is all everyone. 

 Hello everyone, this is Refried. It is Monday, June 2. I went to my mental health program but forgot that we don't have it today. I also went to the post office but my books weren't there. I also inquired about a health program and have to call back in two weeks. That is okay with me. I also heard back about a conference and I have changed my mind about going. I also checked my facebook numbers and I am almost at 44 million but not there quite yet. It will be the next share that does it.

I think I need to do a normal post to my facebook friends. It just isn't the same as it used to be.

I feel kind of depressed about my books not reaching people. But I think if I mail some I will feel better.

Maybe I will work on my novel but I don't know if I can.

I am a little depressed about the job program because I know it is fake and I am going to have to take cab rides with bad people who are disrespectful. And there is meaninglessness when I could have had a purposeful life. I mean think about the talks I could have given but I am just bullied in the Bronx with 100 wasted books. And everyone is like of course this is your life and you don't really deserve this either.

So anyway I guess just pray for forgiveness.  This is familiar to me. To put in a lot of effort at multiple things and then I have one role which is to be patient and pray for forgiveness as my life is wasted.

Anyway I guess I will exercise later and walk to Jacobi again.

 Hello everyone, this is Refried. It is Monday, June 2. I just weighed myself and the number was really good. 201. That means I only need to lose 15 pounds to be back to normal.  That is actually a lot but doable. I could do that this summer. I think it would take more than two months but not that much more.

Will I call about the weight loss program at a hospital? Well there is one available but I do not know if I should try to be accepted. But people might say well why not. Well maybe. I mean obviously I haven't succeeded yet without it.  But there is a timeline with medicine.

I am not going to the vermont extra conference later this summer but it is good to save the money. I do not know if Ellen is mad but I think it is okay. I think she waited to see who would email again and really wanted to go and that wasn't me.  So I think that is okay and she is still my teacher.

I hope the novel retreat goes well.

I need to talk to my sister soon about what she is going through. She might need to go to Carolina Center like I did when I had a loss.

Well have a nice day everyone.

 Hello everyone, today is Sunday, June 1. It is 2:05 pm. I just took a walk to Jacobi Hospital. And I ate at McDonalds. Costwise it is the same as a frozen meal to get some chicken nuggets.

It was a cool day and nice outside.  The cops did make themselves known but it was tolerable. 

I think this is good exercise and hopefully it will be a habit.  Then I will drink water instead of coke, and then I will lose about ten pounds in two months.  And I will be back to where I myself don't feel as bad.

I mean I am really only ten pounds away from not feeling so bad about myself.  Blame it on me but it is from bad mental health care and housing bullies.

So anyway I will probably stay inside the rest of the day. Maybe I will read a book. One of my own books.  And wonder when other people will read my books. I felt bad earlier about it but I think it is the same triggers as usual. I might need to keep some channels off. But I did like an interview with a cool author.

I think tomorrow I will buy some new ice cream for my freezer. But not today because I got enough exercise today and went to the grocery store far away.

We need a grocery store in the old location.  What is wrong with people and where is the leadership?

I do not know. I just don't know but Judgement Day will be interesting. It might be like the show called Chopped.  I hope my sister calls me soon and tells me about her business update. I think it is sad news and I hope she is okay. It is not a good time for something to happen but I am sure everyone has their reasons.

 Hello everyone, this is Refried. I just went to Stop and Shop. I would like to thank God for making it possible, and thanks also to the transportation people and the nice neighbors in my NYC borough.

They let me have a spot on the bus and I know it was the conspiracy. I hope people do for them the same thing sometime.

I bought six bags of coffee. I used my OTC card.  So that is good and I am happy to not waste that value. It is my favorite kind of coffee and I use it all up every day.

Soon I will cook some for today.  I only drank half a cup so far today.

I think I should walk to the hospital as well. Jacobi hospital. And I should walk fast so it makes me lose weight over time.  It is a cool day. I think I will wait until this afternoon.

I am listening to a sermon right now.  It is good. It is about which gospels emphasize which thing.  And they are talking about the kingdom of heaven.  And I like that too from Jesus's teaching.  Because there are rewards and systems that benefit us more than we can guess.  And roles to be given to us later on.  And it has to do with things like love and laughs and food instead of worldly economies and power.  Because that stuff can turn evil.  And then it is opposed by the good guys in the kingdom of heaven.

Well now you can skip my church service today at Echo church.

I also heard part of a lecture from Carl Robbins, one of my favorite presbyterian ministers.  I prayed for him yesterday so that is interesting. I think there is a focus on the church and ministers in his teaching but that is probably good for his congregation.  But a lot of people are more out in the world and need to think of more of regular people who did what they are supposed to. And even when you call those people "laypeople," the emphasis is on church life when there is a lot of time outside of church and worthy investments in society.

So anyway it is okay I think he did what he was supposed to at the right time and saved my life.

I need to pray more for my family. Whenever I think about it I always have neglected it but hopefully things will be okay. I did pray for my mom some and things got better.

So maybe I did pray some. And I pray for my nieces and sister's family sometimes.  And I prayed for Anne's company before too.

So anyway what about facebook friends. Yeah I pray for them too. But some facebookers I can't see anymore.  

Gice when are people going to read my books. I think it is cruel for people to ignore them on purpose.

It is really mean and I won't say it is creative or okay or polite to let everyone else have their time.

 Hello everyone, this is Refried. It is Sunday, June 1. A new month. Time to do the best I can. I should not post as many posts on my facebook pages this month. I did post a new one yesterday.  And sent it round to the good folks in Libya.

Here is another theme I tried but can't decide the final meme to use:

So anyway I think today I will go get some coffee from stop and shop.  I should go soon but I am having trouble getting going. Maybe go at 11 and drink some coffee now. Possibly I will have to wait until tomorrow. I wonder if it is too early and I am still lazy from my medicine. That is the issue I am dealing with is trying to recover from this medicine change.

Well have a nice day everyone.