Hello everyone, this is Refried Bean. Today is Wednesday, June 11. I am boiling some eggs to make devilled eggs. But I only have four eggs.  It is okay. After that maybe I will take a walk.  But I am clean because I took a shower. I think some of my hair grew back after 2 mg of risperdal for a year.

But lupus does stuff too so who knows.

Yesterday I talked to Dr. Villafuertes and she helped me a lot.  Thanks Dr. Villafuertes.

I realized that my urge to say bad words is actually part of of me neurological condition and it helps me a little bit to see it that way. I am not sure why no one told me that. I mean maybe I figured it out a long time ago and forgot about it.  But it changes my view of myself a little bit.  Like I am more tempted than normal to call people names and it is a combination of abuse and a tic disorder and being a writer.

And the interesting surprise is that even though Dr. Villafuertes didn't automatically write me down for tourette's, she did call an abuser "the abuser." So that was a very solid acknowledgement of the real problem and I did not expect that. So Wow that is amazing, way to go everyone.

But I am aware of that damage still affecting me.

I figured out why they did not give me the PTSD diagnosis and that is sad too but what amazing people, I mean how can I just squawk at everyone? I think I will definitely be more aware of the care.  I mean they must be so hurt that I would blame them all and say I wanted to call everyone names.

Gice I am waking up in low moods sometimes. I think my moods and states of mind are fluctuating and I don't know why.  So I will keep an eye on it.  I had dreams this morning, first that I had organized a trip and it went well, and people were allowed to shop for semi precious gemstones and they said my trip was good but i did have an issue with cleaning a room.  And then I was in a swamp and someone called a bird to lead us on a mat in the water so I jumped in but then I had to get on a second mat with a second bird and then we were in a gift shop and someone bought me some overalls and a t shirt.

And then there was this nice lady and a second lady who wasn't as nice and it confused me.  And I woke up feeling kind of depressed about it and then had to fill out the questionaire about Dr. Villafuertes and I hope I conveyed the positive experience enough instead of having my attitude affected by the dream.

Anyway then today I realized I missed a meeting with Connie May Fowler for our retreat but I think it will be okay. I wish I had met everyone.  But I think it will be okay. I will meet everyone there and it will be fun. I will make friends with everyone and maybe eat some sips and dips.

I think the hotel is looking to gouge us and hopefully that will be okay.

I need to leave space on my credit card. I am not sure I left enough space and might have to use the business credit card some.