Hello everyone, today is Thursday, May 15. It is 7:33. I am in a writing session with other writers from CWI. It is kind of comforting and I also feel better after creating some ai art this afternoon.  But for some reason I am feeling some social anxiety and general angst.  I think my health is okay and I don't have tachyardia.  And blood pressure is okay.  Actually right now I am calm.  But all afternoon I felt mild stress.  I do not know why but I think it is social.  But my friend Brain sent me a message about lunch later next week and my friend John is going to also eat lunch with me sometime. Was I supposed to invite him for tomorrow's lunch? I just didn't know what to do.  The friend I already scheduled it with might have liked to meet him.  But to me that is changing plans a little bit and this is not my early years where socializing is one big extravaganza.  This is a survival situation. I mean maybe I let feelings of poverty affect me too much.

So anyway I guess I need to brainstorm about what is best.  I only have on more year that I am allowed to stay in my new york apartment and I am absolutely treated like garbage by pretty much every mental health organization and other institution in the Bronx, including the cops.

And maybe it is an option now. My mom can handle some discussions better and has obviously recovered some from her own trauma.  But it is a problem that she has no mental health care. I have needed two thousand therapy appointments to recover. I mean maybe the idea is to get an apartment.

Maybe Ravneet could live with me in an apartment and get a job at Carolina Center for Behavioral Health.