Hello everyone, this is Refried. It is Friday, May 16. I just sat down to type so I could feel better and the type was too small for no reason. I do not understand but now it is back to normal but it is too late and I am anxious.  I started feeling better after drinking some coffee but lost that progress.

I am experiencing bad anxiety in the afternoons and evenings so far on my trip.  I think some of it is from my mom and the financials.  But she just helped me with that today so I am thankful but there is something about it that is making me feel fear.  Some of it could be because it takes a few days for all the payments to go through, and some of it could be from upcoming expenses that are going to make my budget immediately tight again.

I have been questioning if I should have kept two of the smaller cards as backup.  I think maybe I should have but I will trust my decision to be strict. Because it frees up 80 dollars a month. Wow I should have kept those cards but it is okay.

But I think really the anxiety is from the Latuda.  And the socializing. But I feel better from some socializing.  I will have to do some phone-a-friends this weekend and email my therapist Monday. Also Tuesday I talk to my counselor from my mental health program.

So far, being on facebook has made me feel better when I post a new ai image. I am boosting some now and hopefully it will be a good boost. But I actually do feel some trauma feelings from the scam.  That went well but now I have two extra facebook pages and I am not sure I have the same happy feelings about those new pages. Like they truly are extra and not as rewarding.  But people did like the blobs.

So anyway all these examples of things on my mind actually aren't the thing.  It is a spiritual hole from my mom's control and the latuda.  Last time I was here it only happened when I was trying to go to sleep.  But now I feel it for half the day no matter where I am.

But honestly my mom is doing better in some ways and started off not being critical. And yet I feel that if I start hanging out with friends she is going to attack. I do not know why.  You try to analyze it but it does not make sense because it is illogical. 

Anyway I need to write a few more posts.