what platter of splattercrap will this day bring

 Hello everyone, this is Refried. Today is Oct 24. I remember that something is scheduled today but I don’t know what. I had some problems yesterday. I missed an appointment for an interview. It traces back to not even checking to see what time it was in the first place.  What caused that.  Well I did get discombobulated with two scheduled events, both of which happen to be church things that I am not clear about whether I am welcome to. And that is not even my main church that I tried to go to.  Sometimes it seems like a creative conspiracy to match some of my symptoms of disorganization.  But really I need things to be easy and clear.

But maybe I don’t know. Maybe I don’t know what I need for disability intervention.  However I can see sometimes that when I do my ways of achieving success despite illness it turns out better than when other people go for the health and trip me up for a good cause.

So anyway I missed an appointment and canceled my candidacy for an advisory panel that I did want to be on.  Really I think that did not go well but I adjusted my hopes from my original excitement when it turned out to be a multi step process towards acceptance after an email made it sound like you were being invited. Like I already had gotten faked out so this just sealed the deal.  But I think other people will be sad to miss out too. I think people would have enjoyed being on the panel with me and it would have been a bright spot in my bullied Bronx existence.

So that is too bad. 

I also I think said something questionable about not having a good living situation and mental health care. And that was after a good day at my mental health program where I passed out candy corn.  

But I think that happy time might have also been somewhat of an indication that I should be working somewhere and not bullied by staff at multiple locations.  And now I see how people might have been hiding from the hospital in order to maintain rapport.

Well it was a switch up change up jumble mix shuffle and I feel loss and grief. 

I’m voting for kamala but will never be part of any northern in crowd as far as movements and politics go.  And I think that the south’s transition to persecuted minority will be glorious as it already has been. So here I am yet again, for the fiftieth time, on my own with my only role being prayer. Really that is an honor to be flattered and chosen by God in that way, like he wants me yammering in his ear.  And I do feel the love from that, it is nice, and what have we gotten from it, it is facebook, it is the animal videos, that is from my prayers.