Hello everyone, today is Sept 24.  I had a nice day and ate an unexpected yummy meal. I had to go to 42^ndstreet to the bank.  Really I could have gone to 86 th street but I was planning to meet with my therapist online and felt that there were more places to sit or stand to do that near 42^nd street.  I decided to go downstairs at Grand Central Station in the basement where there are some restaurants.  I was planning to offer to pay a no show charge for the session that had to be rescheduled.  But Larissa said I didn’t have to and that became my budget for a special meal at the oyster restaurant.  I had fried oysters and oyster stew. And I asked for bread and they gave me a free roll and butter. Then I had some chocolate covered orange slices and meringues that I ate on the train ride home.

It was one of the yummiest happy meals I have ever had, and I still feel good from it two hours later.

I also carried two heavy boxes for a half a mile when I picked up some book I ordered at the post office.  So now my wrists are weak.

I also read a hospital note from Dr. Cabassa and it said I had no delusions.  So that is really great.  I guess whatever I believe is true enough.

This is a nice happy day and now I am going to go turn in my rent check for this month.

Back to normal after outpatient fun

 Hello everyone. Today I went back to my mental health program. I forgot to go to therapy. Sorry Larissa. Tomorrow Larissa is giving me a second chance.  Now I am in my apartment. I did not jog today but I took an extra walk. Thanks Danielle from Jewish Board.

Right now I am at home. I just at a microwave meal. Well half of it then later I will finish it.

I have a video playing on facebook. It is advertising my books. I hope some people buy some.  Any amount will make a difference.

I cleaned some of my apartment yesterday. Today I bought new trash bags.  Soon I will clear the table. I could have today but I rested.

This morning I had a dream about my old school, Vermont College of Fine Arts.  I dreamt that they said I could not visit there but then they did say I could go to conferences and we were at a new location where I welcomed students from other schools as a mascot.

In the middle of the night last night I had stomach pain but I am okay.

It could have been some old soup that I ate.

Tomorrow I am going downtown.  

In three hours I take my medicine.

People are resuming being mean to me. It is about thirty mental health workers.  In the hospital they were nice to me.  So I do not know what the goal is.

I will just stay inside. I am doing a diet and exercise routine to reset after bad psych meds.

Right now I am on Risperdal and Latuda and Trileptal.

I feel fine so at least I am thankful for that.

Well have a nice day everyone.

 You guys weren't expecting me to do something instead of nothing were you. Well surprise surprise, it is a canva certificate that I was wondering about a few weeks ago.  And here it is, as soon as I did that mouse design.  I just can't believe it. It's like they knew I was not doing well today.  I just felt sad like I could not tell what food in my apartment was edible.  But I ate a cheese sandwich. And I am eating cheerios. And coffee.  So that is a nice day. I have bacon in the freezer so that will be fine another time. I just needed my old grocery store but maybe a new one will be there soon. How could they pass up that location.

Anyway what is Ravneet doing today. Possibly resting because she does work during the week. Should I be jogging outside. I took two walks already. So what did I do today. I took two walks, picked up an order from the post office, wrote three blog posts, made a cake, made a cheese sandwich, cooked the turkey that might not be okay. I just don't know if it is okay.

Anyway what am I supposed to be doing.  Making memes maybe? Out of poems? I still do have some poems I haven't turned into memes but I am not uploading all of it.

Well have a nice day everyone, I am thankful for what I have, thankful for safe shelter and survival.

 

 Hello everyone, it is 11:30.  I just took a cake out of the oven.  I made the cake with expired eggs and expired oil.  It tastes very good. I might ice the cake but it is really good plain too. I had a good conversation with my gf this morning.  She told me some songs she likes.

Soon I will know if these cake ingredients were okay.

Russia is causing some problems right now.  You can tell that VP has been wanting to start a war for a long time and has a plan.  I think that was his purpose in invading Ukraine was to start a war with the United States.  He has some weapons he is looking forward to using.  That definitely is evil and you can see the evil powers uniting. But there also does seem to be a splitting across many countries much like the liberal conservative split in the U.S.

Do you guys remember that Egg Nog Cake I made a couple of years ago?  That was before they started torturing me here at the apartment.

I hope I go to live with Ravneet soon but I can see how it is nice that I have a lot of people to share food with here. 

So far no problems from the cake.  I guess I will eat three more pieces.

Well have a good day everyone.

 well hello everyone, today is sept 14. I just got a spam call where they pretended to be the police, which i think is against the law.  but no one defends me againt crimes, people are allowed to crime me. I woke up feeling depressed about my particular socialism entrapment because i thought i would get medicaid paperwork in the mail today.  But it was not there so I need to go in person on tuesday. 

My problem isn't so much with socialism as an ideology anymore, but the system I am trapped in. The issues I have are forced medication, abusive mental health staff, the lack of paycheck and outside job, the minimized disability income from insurance I paid into, the general view that I don't deserve to exist and that it is charity for anyone to tolerate my survival, the police following me in the neighborhood as if I am a problem while they look the other way for an entire crime infested neighborhood and borough, the fact that medicaid is allowed to count loan money as income when it legally isn't, my missing grocery store, and my damaged health from bad hospitalizations with no good option in new york city.

They do have a problem here and are trying to "reach" the rest of the country with their ways, also known as the new york times gospel of hatred.

The south and conservatism has its own problems but at least it's not insitutionalized mistreatment and dishonesty.  Because frankly it isn't.  There is denial and laziness, but at least you are working with honest good people for most of the time instead of a web of lies and power plays and arrogance. 

I just for twenty years did see the hospital as a good option for care and now will avoid it at almost any cost, despite always being resented for the "cost" of being tortured.

censored yet again

 

Well, I guess this post is going on my blog.  It is a joke, for a jokes page, and I was going to send it around as a boosted facebook post, which is what I have to do to reach anyone now.  When I do, it reaches about 200,000 people for fifty dollars.  However when I posted and tried to boost it last night, facebook said it violated their political ad policies. However I know it didn’t.  So either it was a bot that didn’t like the red color, or a person who wasn’t that smart and thought maybe I was a poser trying to seem like a BLM hero.  Well I’m not, and if people even take three seconds to check out the obvious joke, it is neither of any of those problems, and is a joke exactly like the other jokes on my page.  

So here it is on my blog, and maybe I will try again.  Maybe today in a few minutes, I will try the ad again and see if they correct themselves.  I know I have seen plenty of other political stuff, but I have a lot of friends from the south, and facebook took sides in their predicted civil war a long time ago. I guess the young people will grow into their battles, and I will retire from my resistance to relentless squelching and harassment in a few years. I will show up to judgement day with literally ten million violations against me, or more.  Some people might be sad, but mostly, people persecuted the right person, and the right people. 

recreational therapist: "let's play socialist hellhole!"

Hello everyone, today is Sunday, Sept 1. I am sad because I found out some hostages in Gaza were killed instead of released. It is very sad.  I just wonder if the US is helping enough or at all. I believe that lack of intervention probably accounts for the missing precision as too many children have been killed. 

Anyway I am depressed and was going to say I am a trophy hostage for the racists in the Bronx who abuse me at my housing program but now the timing does not seem right.

I am essentially on forced medication and being harassed by a whole ugly staff. A hospital program is changing my medicine and being more forceful than I appreciate.  I am hoping to finish at 1 mg rispderdal 40 latuda.  If it goes higher that might be the end for me. Though possibly I can shop around for a doctor who is willing to do less medicine. 

I cooked some chicken and need to make a dish with it.  Though I might cook some more chicken and make a giant casserole.  But now I am low on grocery funds and don’t know if I can go far to use my OTC card.  Maybe I can go to key food later today. I guess that was the plan.  So maybe at about 2pm. I will by the fixins for a giant dorito casserole. Bisquick could be a good idea but I don’t know.

I am not doing well with groceries and cooking.  I hope I can recover sometime.

I have some chips so are you gice thinking do a refried bean dip.

Now CVS is being too slow to change my name for presciptions.  Anyone who is slow now has shown themselves as oppressors.  American Express and CVS. Your names are on the board and you have to stand in one place at recess.

I sent a query yesterday to try to get an agent. It could work this time. I hope so, because I am starting to truly from the heart say oh well. To expect a pending success in heaven later on, at a level that leaves behind the entire multiple societies for whom nothing I did was good enough. I personally don’t find their wrongness satisfying in any way that makes up for it. Is anyone ever going to read this? It was a nice blog at first and now just a recording of unjust loss and wasteful rejection.