“I said what I said and I’ll see you when we’re dead.”

Well hi everyone, it is New Years Eve. I am not into New Years that much. But I made some chicken pie and have been sharing it and having a nice time. Isabel did not get a coke. Sorry about that, I just don’t have that many cokes.

So okay. People did get a cookie. And soon I will make some lemon cookies. So that is nice. I hope it works out well. I have ingredients for chili tomorrow.

 

I made a little video that actually isn’t that clear about the chicken pie process but it is okay.

 

I am living one day at a time and am doing something important in two days so I am not rocking the boat. 

 

Yesterday I had some prophecies and saw three snakes that I have to defeat with a pen. Then I saw a golden winged thing in front of me. Was it a horse, was it an angel, I do not know what it was. What caused the prophecies? I think it was because of people praying for me, or an email from seminary people, or support from my church friend, or lupus from spicy food two days ago.  I genuinely don’t know. If I don’t eat spicy food, I don’t have lupus.  But if I do, it is the most classic thorough case of an obvious autoimmune reaction. But does that cause seizures? Because that is what happens when I am in the magic swamp.  That is also classic temporal lobe electricity. I try to understand, but I can also see that possibly, I have gastritis problems because I drank too much coke for ten years. It simply hurt my stomach lining irreparably.

 

I can see that I am in the cleft of the mountain and God is protecting me from evil with a complex story shield that reaches back into other years. I think I should look out for how other people get targeted.  For instance my bad case manager hurts my therapist. So what is my responsibility in that.  People say, your medicine, of course. Well, not of course.

 

That is my new years resolution for all of you is don’t expect me to medicate other people’s abuse. It only makes it worse, and makes you worse for excusing it.

Happy Christmas

 Hi everyone, today is Christmas eve. I already attended church earlier this morning and it was nice.  I go to Echo Church in California, but I attend online.  I like it there but one of my friends died this year. She led the prayer group I was in and it was my best church experience ever. 

I am cooking a chicken pie and it is in the oven.  Chicken pie is easy once you understand it.

 

I am also watching a youtube video of someone named Acre Homestead making five breakfast casseroles. You think that is a lot but actually it is a great idea because you can see the concepts and improvise later based on the ingredients you have.

 

I unexpectedly shared three facebook posts. I think they are okay even though I made a joke about “defeating” santa instead of “beating santa.” And it might have ruined an already borderline joke.  Like some jokes are an acquired taste kind of thing and if you ruin the balance then you reach no one.

 

But it is okay. I also shared a poem that people seem to like.  It is called “The Christmas Elephant.” I think it is a good poem and I hope I didn’t waste it by mistiming it or something.  But probably it is fine.

 

I left the cinnamon rolls at the grocery store for someone else.  I just don’t need cinnamon rolls. I think I had a good day and scheduled things out well. 

 

However I have to say if I had another forty dollars I would be making bean casserole, sweet potato casserole, and corn casserole.  Plus a refried bean dip.  So it’s a no go on all of those things.  But I had enough food.  That turkey sandwich yesterday I think was the secret sauce for my Christmas.  

 

I am leaving off the negative stuff about suffering.  I just don’t know what I am supposed to do about people bullying me and I think I reported everything I could.

 

I think some mental health people have me in intensive care critical monitoring because of my social situation which includes a three year delusion that someone is my forever person. 

 

But I am okay no matter what happens, although that truly was my last effort and I will further affiliate with the monks if it is another trick, and, I am sorry, another failure from people who did not save my writing career either from the bad people and life wasters.

 

Ok. I am okay about those topics so why complain about that and not mention the much more severe crimes against me.

 

Well anyway have a great Christmas everyone, today was a really good day, strangely nice, and I hope you all have a great day tomorrow or whenever you read this in a book. 

Criminal Networks

 Well hi everyone, I hope you are having a good Christmas. Today is December 21.  I have not been sleeping well.  I actually think the psychiatrists who have helped me this year did it on purpose to bring back Christmas memories.  Basically I switched pharmacies so got a different kind of Risperdal and I started taking less Trileptal because I realized they gave me the giant 600 mg pills that are harder to swallow.  This was to increase my avoidance, which is a severe factor and the reason I signed up for mental health housing where they help you take your medicine.  But they don’t help me there.  The staff treats me like garbage and emotionally abuses me at any point of interaction.  They want me to not take my medicine because it gives them power to more easily send me to the hospital.  They tried it yesterday but the emt people were not fooled.  Yesterday they tried it because I reported a crime against me which was three credit cards stolen from my apartment. My door was unlocked in the morning so it seemed like it could be my neighbors, who mostly have some criminal expertise but are good food friends.  And I did wonder if it was them.  And to me the issue was that I couldn’t trust the apartment to help me and check the video cameras etc.  But as the day went on and I made various reports, it became more obvious that someone had to have already either stolen the cards or knew where they were by going through my stuff.  Well I have had minor construction in my apartment without my consent before, like you go in and your bathroom is a mess and they changed the water to not be warm any more.  That happened about three months ago or four.  However I think it was not them.  I think it was my case manager who made me feel bad with direct hate whenever she would do inspection.  So she would get me to say it was okay for her to do inspection when I wasn’t there.  This was actually about 6 months ago, and when I went on vacation for Thanksgiving, I said they could go in when I wasn’t there to do inspection.  I keep three cards, actually four, under a folder in my drawer so I won’t spend them and so I will have backup if my wallet gets stolen.  

 

So I believe it is pretty obvious that the case manager is the person who stole the cards.  There is also a bottle of fantastic cleaning spray missing.  Yesterday someone went around the neighborhood spending the cards at delis, and eventually tried to complete a 500 dollar purchase at a place called Snipes, where I have never been.

 

So this is where it gets complicated, because there is a network of people harassing me and covering for each other.  And it is conceivable that the staff stole the cards and gave them to my food friend neighbors.  But I think instead they were framed.  So that makes multiple mental health patients who the staff has directly harmed on purpose.  I have already been begging for the bad staff people to be held accountable for their emotional abuse for about a year and a half.  The other thing is I see the pattern seems to be more female.  Like the guys have not been as overtly hateful.  So now I see that it could be a therapeutic re-enaactment of 2011-2012 when a network of old white men started abusing me at Barnes and Noble.  But what is the point.  Why abuse me further, I am not sure it has helped me at all.

 

At Barnes and Noble  there was an issue of not being protected from the KKK people by the company because the company had been trying to get rid of me through similar tactics of very abusive social interactions, which easily were dismissed as my own autism problem, or as Barnes and Noble wanted people to think, a personality problem.

 

This new network in a way seems more dangerous and they are targeting me on the subway trains, too, and following me at night. There is kind of an anger attitude, like they pretend to think it might be justice that blends in with media campaigns. But really they know they are wrong, and why can’t they let go of the evil verves from hell that are propelling them towards shame.

 

Funnily, I am not as believable anymore because I have dementia symptoms and worsened paranoia and disorganization.  This is also from the emotional abuse, and the worst thing that can happen is a hospitalization.  I think that is an unfortunate testimony about the mental health field right now. Hospitalizations should not be presumed to be a further trauma and automatic life harm rivaling jail time.

 

That is what Allison Grossman from Bellevue told me when I told her that hospitalizations were supposed to be traumatizing.  She said no they weren’t. Kelly O’Donnell witnessed the conversation.  Hey guys happy holidays.

 

So okay.  This conspiracy is really something. It really is, like keeping it going for ten years. I just hope some kids get some Christmas presents out of it.

 

Now.  About this credit card theft.  I have a deadbolt lock on my door that I haven’t been using because the locks are so good. Like I can’t unlock the doors with my own key but it was unlocked.  That is why I felt that staff could be a problem.  So what I am saying is I am safe anyway except from staff, which I already knew that. And the credit card companies busted the weird transactions quickly enough that I think the net loss was bout 130 dollars.  Well honestly I would forgive that personally even if the banks didn’t use insurance on it.  But I do not tolerate not having apartment staff I can trust.  If the staff is not paid enough to have some level of moral responsibility for the disabled, that needs to be fixed.  Like if people say, well this is a job like working at McDonalds, it is not mental health care. And yet there is medicine involved.  That is not right. And the fact is for a long time I have known that I can’t reliably call 911 because the front desk people would gladly not direct them to my room on the fourth floor.  There have just been too many overt haters.  It is unlike anything I have ever seen, except that weird inexplicable abuse at Barnes and Noble, which was written off as normal retail life.

 

I can tell the good people involved are having a hard time facing the fact that the usual victims of the popular narrative right now are abusive on the level that they are.  But it is the truth, so it is really a problem not to tell that truth.

 

I have been hoping things will change soon and I will have a regular income.  I was accepted for facebook monetization which could be like a job, like a cool job, but they haven’t been straightforward and today was the day the amount was supposed to show up on my page and it hasn’t yet. They didn’t tell me the rates either, so I have thought it could be an insulting 54 dollars after reaching 22 million people, or it could be up to 8000 dollars, which would change my life.  And yet really it is more likely to be either 200 or 2000, and what is a surprise to me is that it might be a little note saying it wasn’t properly set up yet, because of me, I’m sure, so I can’t expect a payout until conveniently another month that wouldn’t include the past thirty posts. Which they already conveniently avoided last month where I had some of the best shares and numbers yet from organic reach. Meanwhile the sharks accumulate, all of them waiting for the jackpot from my books.  And if I say, “I think you are going to be humiliated,” it is considered bullying that will cost me my social work license and justify their attack that has a pattern with all the other trash child abusers who never learned to be thankful for their own life and do the best they could.

 

Yep, child abuse, that is what we are dealing with.  Why, because I have nieces and a frail mother who are also harmed by what targets me.  And people want to say, oh, well you must have abused them yourself and passed it along.  Nope, that is simply not it.  And my abusers like for them to be involved because they say I am dipping into their pot of money so it is a family crime against them.  It also bolsters their social identity arguments, because it is like, oh, generational wealth being wielded against people who ascended to know me after I descended to know them.  Wow you thought no one would ever say that. Well work it out for yourselves.  The punchline is that you are a fool to try to waste my life after what God preserved, and that is who you will be contending with in heaven’s courts before an audience that you would do anything to trade for the justice that could have happened here if the media hadn’t bribed the neighborhood cops and lazy TV bums to hate anyone who went to church.  That was it.  Someone on TV told you to hate me so you did. And now we need people to make fun of AI and they won’t because they can’t.  They did not stay faithful to what was funny but chose the bullying because people do want a cause to support.  Why was everything about Trump?  Because there was something in it for both sides.  The liberals want a genocide to help their reputations, but instead they probably have set in motion an irreversible race war that helps no one and damages years of glorious progress from patient forgiving people.  The rich TV bullies thought the lives were theirs to waste and no one would ever know.  And now we will just see which side succeeds in feeding their enemies to China and Russia. It will probably be India that gets hurt the most, and America should already be defending all the innocent people in all regions. But there are other priorities on people's computers, aren't there. Who can save people from the trafficking hubs. Only God. Good luck blocking that resource like you are trying to do with everything else.

What about dual citizenship for USA and Mexico, two citizenships for everyone

 Ok everyone, I just took my medicine. It went well. Probably soon I will feel a slight mood drop and then I will catch up on sleep.  This morning I went to my mental health program because I thought there was going to be a party there.  But it was a normal day.  On the way there, a car dropped off someone to walk on the sidewalk near me, so I stopped to try to wait and let them pass me instead of being behind me, because I thought it was weird and suspicious.  Well they stopped about twenty feet ahead of me and spent ten minutes putting on a winter hat and jacket.  Why weren’t they already wearing it, I don’t know.  But they were clearly making an issue of me waiting for them to pass so I could walk behind them instead of in front of them.  So basically that meant that I stood in an intersection area right in front of a vocational high school near where I live.  Well I decided then to order my new book from amazon so I could see how it turned out.  It is called Stranger Danger.  Well that means that guy could be one of the legal sharks setting me up in front of a school so they can subpoena video footage and internet tracking to make it seem like I was a problem for the school and help the other fake cases against me from the barnes and noble predators of 2012, and whichever social work school classmates from 2016 also decided to shark up some cash.  Well I know I am not a problem and the school knew there was something weird happening and got an autism school person to check on me a few blocks later.  But it was still kind of weird. So then I get to my program and I was there early to see when the party was, but there were normal groups at 9 and 10 and 11 am.  So I went to the 9 o’clock group and the leader was mean to me.  Like weirdly, didn’t get me to sign the sign in sheet.  And he saw me consider not signing it on purpose.  But I don’t do that stupid stuff.  However how far should I beg and maneuver around people in the room to try to sign it when it skips me.  So after the group I asked to sign it and he said he already had twelve people. Pretty funny, so this is documenting a “conversion” attempt.  As in jesus christ. The thing northerners most never want to happen from the south.  But obviously that wasn’t anywhere even on my mind.  So I knew that was weird, and the guy had started being mean to me earlier this week when I sat in a chair that was near my social worker’s door instead of in the main area with the tables.  And before, one of the other people who is mean to me made me leave a chair I was sitting in that was next to a table in the hall as if you could sit there. But I already had accepted that she and another girl either didn’t like me or had some other entertaining goal where they would make me feel bad and look bad in groups. And I was still participating but got tired of the dating group where you had to act out a date with the other participants. Like that is just not cool, and I do think it was also used to make me feel bad and powerless.  Other groups I avoided because they would start the group with an embarrassing video.  So I avoid the people who make me feel bad and don’t go to their groups.  I am used to it but I thought it was weird to not sign the sheet. That seems wrong to me. Like too overtly rejecting from someone providing mental health care. Well I went outside before lunch and was thinking about it, and trying to figure out what to do. And I figured out that I should quit the program and not be a part of it. But I get my medicine there so I can’t do that.  Well Walgreens is right there so I decided to go get a refill while I was thinking about it because if something happens, I won’t even have one months medicine.  Well as I waited in Walgreens, people started blocking me from the line, and then additional people came and made the line longer.  It was very suspicious so I left. But they were trying to make me look suspicious, and this girl turns around and points at me to make it look like I said something to her.  That was for the benefit of the video cameras in the store.  Well I went back upstairs to go get lunch, and waited a while for the line to be shorter.  I started to be shaken up because I realized that what I needed to do for this kind of network harassment is call the police.  Well that is a challenge because I don’t just lightly call the police on my mental health program.  And I do not know which networks overlap, because my apartment workers have also been severely racist and abusive to me for over a year, and that is why I just quickly accepted that I would have to avoid people like that at my mental health program.  Like I just see some of it as a wave of politics that I should ignore if I can and be thankful I knew better people growing up.

 

So anyway there is still the possibility that all these people are doing this on purpose to catch previous bullies from my life, or to help me remember and understand what was done to me at my retail job.  It is very similar, and actually exact in terms of the media offenses. Like the unavoidable offensive media strategies are exactly what I experienced at my bookstore job.  And that is why I always used to wish I was in a war being shot at instead of selling CDs with parental advisory labels.

 

So okay, you can get an idea of the adventure, and I am okay right now so no need for anyone to freak out too much.  So I eat lunch and decide to leave the program for the day without getting the winter hat that they said they were going to give us. And I walk to a grocery store that doesn’t accept my insurance credit and I tried to buy pizza and ice cream.  Well in line, three people tried to make it be a problem that I was standing in line.  One worker called over to someone in a nearby line to tell them to scoot up, well that meant I had to scoot up.  In the north, they try to make you move out of where you are standing. Like at the bus stop, they get too close to you so you move over.  Well I don’t move over anymore. And in the grocery store I had already protected myself and chosen to simply stand in line with four small individual pizzas and a thing of ice cream.  So the lady behind me starts asking and reasking me if a certain cart is mine.  But there is someone actively taking groceries out of that cart in a different line so I know she knows it is not mine.  So I don’t answer her, but she repeats her question loudly, and I said “I don’t understand.”  So the guy in front of me says, “It’s not my cart.” Well he is doing this to sandwich me in an issue, as if, once again, it is a problem that I am in line existing.  And this is after what, about two hours of weird stuff just like that.  And by now I have experienced these incidents like literally 60-80 thousand times.  Every day there’s not a transaction or behavior or step I take that is not challenged by political people.  And just now I was thinking, okay, do I need to tell my facebook friends that I expect to die in a race war soon.  Well I don’t think I will say that yet, and I lost a third of my friends anyway during the pandemic because of similar political problems. So now when I share facebook posts, I get 20 likes instead of 160.  And part of that was facebook, too, because facebook sides with these abusers who get paid to do mental health aggressions.  So what I am saying is I might not really need to notify people about risks to my life as I see thirty or forty people in my neighborhood start making their moves towards me while I run my errands.  And I do kind of think people want blessings and they know I pray and could get them some rewards for their reputation sacrifices that could be meant to become good blog material.  The other issue that is confusing is I think they are trying to say that the person who was mean to me today is me.  Like that mental health worker was playing the role of me, and the person there who is nice to me, who is my case worker, represents my “frenemies.”  Or just a particular frenemy who was mean to me a few years ago. And that does confuse me because I haven’t really done anything wrong to people like that. And people say well you are writing this blog post aren’t you.  Well gosh that is literally all I have to do. Like the meaningful thing I can do today is type up this report of harassment that, if you add the people who blocked me from the coffee and hot chocolate line, is, one, two, three, four, five, six, seven, eight, plus five, plus one more, plus the people at the store, and the guy on the sidewalk, So about 21 people caused a problem for me on purpose today, as I attended my mental health program, tried unsuccessfully to get medicine, and then bought some two dollar frozen pizzas. Honestly to me that is a lot of opposition.  And then where is the audience for this blog?  It is them.  They are reading it and talking to their lawyers.  Well I don’t have a lawyer, and all I own is the copyrights to my books, which I value at 40 million dollars, but hasn’t made me even a hundred dollars yet from other people, anyway. And people who want to censor anything truthful that is written about the people who match their beliefs or at least just watched the same bullcrap TV, and who they wanted to seem better than God and Jesus, can just sue me as a helpless schizophrenic, and then tear up the books I spent my life and sanity on.  Should I say that, I don’t know, because there are so many trolls out there. And some are stupid enough to just take the idea I just said and try it.  Like they are calling legal aid right now because I did not thank Kansas and North Dakota in any of the acknowledgments.  So they are going to sue for both leaving them out and including them, and what do you know, I have no money, and hey, now they own the copyright to the only good novel written in a hundred years. Wow I did not need to say that, did I.  But it’s true.  This is an ad for my book called Sparkity Bonkins.

Good morning everyone, time to skip medicine

 Hi everyone. It is 4:45 on Friday morning. I had a nice day yesterday.  I had a nice week.  I haven't been sleeping well and had some ups and downs with medicine.  But I am okay.  I haven't taken tonights medicine yet.  I feel okay though.  Earlier I felt slight emotional pain and tiredness but now I am okay.  I am waiting for my last book to go through on amazon.  Is it really my last book.  I believe it is.  It is a Bronx Combo book. Did I do right.  I do not know.  I have published a lot of books lately.  I think if I keep doing canva designs then I should start posting online and do a page somewhere like a blog or something and not just keep publishing too many books.  I can't see the sales.  I do not know if I have any book sales.  I am still giving away books.  

This week I published the hardcover format of "Library Book" for libraries.  It is ridiculously expensive but that is because of the format and quality.  And frankly I felt that I needed to make a sampler book available.  Interestingly the novel called Sparkity Bonkins is also in hardcover.  So I think that is good and the bookstores have plenty of five dollar books to choose from and mark up.  I did that right and if anyone feels that is not good enough they are wrong.

Later today I am going to a holiday party at my mental health program.  I am excited and think it will be fun. I will try to socialize well.  At my program they are starting to get mad at me for leaving the main room and wandering too much.  I do not know why.  There seems to be a network of people targeting me.  But really I have felt better in general and partially it is from taking medicine on my own instead of the medicine window at my apartment.  

I signed up for a program that helps rehabilitate prisoners. I have not ever been to jail but I asked them if involuntary commitment would make me eligible and they said yes.  So might as well make the best of it because I would love to be a janitor in a hospital.

Well, that is all everyone. I hope Rvnt visits me for Christmas.  My sister is giving me a handmixer for Christmas and I am going to make a cherry cheesecake pie and some cookies called "Forgotten Cookies," which are like mergingues with chocolate chips.

Maybe soon I will try to make more cooking videos.  Have a good day everyone.

When Staying Alive is Your Fatal Mistake

 Hey everyone, just watching youtube. I shared some poems, did you guys like them?  I think it went well. It is very few likes but it takes time to read poems.  People can tell the timing is off in general, there are actually a lot of poems and jokes I can't share easily in current contexts. 

But that is because of the bad people.  There is starting to be intervention for the racism against me.  Today a bus driver got busted for refusal to serve. It was the second time in a row at that location.

I kept a good one liner to myself earlier. I do not know if I will revisit it.  

I feel better about my food situation and am going to bake some meringues soon. Some chocolate chip divinity cookies.  It will be very yummy. Today I made a casserole.  It was good and I am going to make a chicken casserole soon too.

Well have a nice day everyone.  

"Journal"- ism, as in, some people should have just kept a journal

 Well everyone, how am I doing. One of my new years resolutions is to take my role as a journalist more seriously. But it is not the new year yet.  I forgot my other resolutions but I think for one of them I am wearing more hats, and actually I just can’t remember.

Gice do you think I do wrong in the next post. I think I really should say what I think when I don’t hear anyone else say it.  But I am not watching the news, so that could be why.  Also I am a severely mentally ill schizophrenic with brain damage and dementia, so that also might be why some of my views differ from the people who get paychecks for their work.

 

Yesterday I saw in a workshop that my main job now is to pray for forgiveness for the world. In a way that is wasteful, because couldn’t I have done something more marketable? But in a way, you almost can’t fail because the more people ruin your life, the more you can succeed at praying for forgiveness. I just honestly unfortunately say bad stuff a lot too, which you might see in the next post.

 

As I was saying, this post is more of the friendly day by day play by play post that I wanted the whole blog to be like.  So is the issue that I just need to divide the blog into two different blogs? Hmm. Maybe that is it. Maybe I have two blogs going here and it makes me feel inconsistent. Well I already published most of it.  Is anyone going to buy my books? I thought it was very humble of myself to say I did want an easy life of snacks and comfort. Like I was not hotdogging and stated clearly that I would like to not be abused anymore. But I don’t really see clues that it is going to be over and whenever I do, it immediately turns into a trick.

 

Well, have a good night everyone. I am planning to go to Stop and Shop tomorrow for one bag of groceries because the cart attracts bus abuse from the drivers who try to make me miss my stop on purpose. Replay the videos, you can find my locale on my receipt. I am waving to the camera ten years ago in the store buying pads.

Wow this post is as nasty as the votes that help fentynl dealers target Whitey’s daughters

 Well hello everyone, today is Saturday.  It seems my numbers have been cut on facebook again, but it is hard to tell because my budget for it is so low.  I did get accepted for facebook monetization but there is no list of rates and I am left guessing and spending once again. 

Also I am sad about the news. I don’t see people acknowledging the human shield factor of Israel's war, which is a huge part of the Palestine issue in the first place.  A lot of people, mostly terrorists, have meant their citizenship there as some kind of offense to Israel.  There may be a range in what kind of offense and how much.  But the children there have been human shields for a long time, and now they are being killed by an army that I personally am disappointed to see not do better with the challenge of only hitting the murderers.  Could Americans have helped with that? Some government people only know how to fight with money, in the ways they have assaulted the rest of their own country for forty years.

 

Russia seems suspiciously, oddly and suddenly interested in “war crimes,” as Putin the Poisoner complains about the idea of flooding the Hamas tunnels.  Maybe he was planning on using those tunnels himself, or was working with the Asad people again to make sure America doesn’t help the whole region.

 

I still think Biden is playing Obama instead of defending obvious targets against obvious enemies.  But close up maybe it is hard to tell who is who, just like at our open borders.

 

Well, that’s all, everyone, I ate rotten oatmeal a few hours ago. We will see how that works out overnight. Overnight, like how our neighborhood grocery store closed to make room for a “children’s hospital.”  Probably they will have a lot of patients from a neighborhood with no leaders smart or existent enough to keep a decent grocery store in business.