I'm going to have to stand up for myself on this one.

 Well hello everyone, this is Refried, just blogging a little bit on a Saturday morning.  I have been blogging on these blogs for many years now. I like the old fashioned blogging and think people who say everything is on substack now are not totally right about that.

Tomorrow I am taking the GRE on my own computer at home. I am going to tank the math section and write a letter for my essay portion describing some of my actual intentions.  Because really I am just trying to see if I can do well at the verbal portion and get in the 95^th percentile.  I scored in the 94^th percentile on the main time I actually took the test, and it almost qualifies me for the poetic genius society, which I thought would be fun to be a part of.  But they were strict with scoring and did not let me in even though I also got a 97^th percentile perfect score on the writing portion of that same test many years ago.  If you score the whole thing it puts me in 99.9 range, even 99.99 if you look at it a certain way. But really I only spike to that level occasionally and in real life I’m actually right exactly in the 99.5 range of the poetic genius society.  And I think they should be able to see that easily from my numbers.  So now the fun is kind of taken out of it.  And it matches other experiences of chronic low status and rejection that are suspicious.  Like there starts to be a discrimination pattern and you have to revisit my identity factors and notice the autism, mental illness, christianity, and bent gender.  

Well there are other societies like Mensa that I could qualify for with just my old SAT scores, and I might ask my mom if she can find those and mail them to me.  

This interest started a few years ago when I got marked way too low on some psychiatric testing.  I had lost 30 IQ points from trauma, and the way they described me felt insulting.  Like questionable personality and intelligence, after being quite an entertainer for years and breezing through the top honors college in the country. 

So anyway I have learned a lot from this and changed my mind about some ways of seeing things.  One thing I see differently is Mensa.  I always thought it was kind of prideful behavior to join an IQ society, and then when I was finding these societies online, I felt like Mensa was too low.  It is just 98^th percentile. That’s one in fifty people.

But now I see them as being the inclusive, nonsupremacist organization which really has a noble mission of celebrating intellectual ability and goals, and helping gifted people meet each other.  And personally I don’t feel as much need to prove higher levels by joining the other groups, but might choose the fellowship instead.

My mom is going to see if she can find my old SAT scores, which might qualify me for both societies.  That would be a weird outcome, because my GRE had something truly spectacular, which was a perfect score on the section that virtually no one gets a perfect score on.  Even the perfect math scores have three entire percentile points less than a perfect on analytical.  So it is the highest of the perfect scores.  And yet these IQ societies can’t tolerate it.  They say it doesn’t correlate, but what it doesn’t correlate to is their own inability to produce their own material. To generate genius content instead of jumping through academic hoops. 

Maybe I have caved into nerdy insecurity out of failure, or maybe I am still the punk clown who finds the strictest of standards to be a stage and vault for jokes and mental revolution.