Hoppy Easter, peeps!

 Hello everyone, happy easter. I am doing okay today, just working on a video for facebook sharing my thin book series, and I made a lemon cake with chocolate icing.  It turned out great and I feel happy about it.  

My name change is going okay and I have sent updates to all government offices now.  My passport photo did not look good and it weirdly depressed me in some way that I still feel.  But it will be okay, possibly I will redo it someday if I am alive long enough to travel. Really I do not travel out of the country much because of my mental illness. I do not want to get thrown in jail somewhere else.  But increasingly, USA is also not a safe place to have mental illness.  There is no excuse for that, and there has been plenty of knowledge that could have reached people to not be ignorant abusers. 

 

Anyway, I hope that some of my books sell soon.  I do not want to forget that some of my work has not been wasted and reached a lot of people on facebook.  But I feel that there should at least be some reach with the books.  And if there isn’t, then I wonder if amazon themselves have undermined sales in some way.  When one of my friends visited the site, he could not tell that the books were printable.  That kind of stuff is usually on purpose.

 

But maybe things will change soon.  Today I might read through some of the books. I had to order some copies to use for the video.  I will mail a few to friends soon, but I think I won’t have the budget to continue at the same rate until there are some sales.  

 

I think Soldier Hogs is my favorite book. I might order a whole bunch of them to give away.

 

Well everyone, I hope you all have had a good Easter.  

How I became an emotional abuse connisseur

 Hello everyone, this is Refried Bean. I don’t know if anyone reads this blog. It seems that the tech people never wanted the blogspot blogs to be that easy to find.

I am about to attend online church. I like my church. They are nice to me.  I thought they supported gay intentions more than they actually do, but they still do people right in my opinion.  

 

Last night was rough at my apartment.  The worst staff person was on duty, with the most racist security guard.  Thankfully I am friends with a lot of my neighbors, so I wasn’t completely surrounded by evil.  However, I have experienced racism at the hospital near where I live, from the ems and cops, and I did feel like I had no one to call for help if any of the enemies decided to strike more than they already do.

 

Yesterday I asked if I had any mail, because online it says my DMV license was mailed on the 13^th, and Tamara went to the mail room, waited a few minutes as if to make me think there was some mail, and then came out and said there wasn’t mail.  My case manager did that last week and then Sunday there was mail, so it was a blatant lie to my face.  The apartment organization supports that kind of abuse and dips deeply into moral compromise in order to engage with their chosen client population. They call it “harm reduction,” but it really just transfers the harm to the people they think seem too educated or privileged.  It becomes most convenient that disability and prior discrimination allows representatives from the classes they hate to be subject to mass bullying from anyone with a psych condition in a neighborhood that also wallows in failure and crime.  

 

My sister is visiting next weekend.  I am glad and am going to try to brainstorm solutions with her.  I think in actuality I might have two years left in this hell hole being snake bit intermittently by people who should have been fired as soon as they showed themselves to be child abusers.

 

It is very depressing and I feel the toxicity as a literal poison that should have been prevented and damages other things that people worked hard to provide for me. I have spent all my concessions from the good people in society, and this vacuum effect where bullies are allowed to suction away any good feeling and peace is a crime.  Does it seem too complicated? It isn’t.  If you had to sit in a room with any of these people, you would feel it, and you would not be able to stand it for more than a few minutes.  It would be like having a snake placed in your lap.

 

Anyway I do not know how to pray either.  I try praying for my enemies but feel those prayers aren’t right and I should pray for God’s vengeance instead. 

 

Well I guess that is all for now and maybe I will write another post soon. I might have sold a book online, which means that probation spell could be over. But I have thought that before.  I still have to say I mostly disagree with the stewardship of my writing career.  The success should have already happened, and I am abused by monsters like Tamara because of the fumble.

Questions can be directed to my imaginary mice father

 Hello everyone, this is Refried Bean.  Today is Thursday, March 14.  I had a good day today, not that eventful but still productive.  I met with a banker at Bank of America to update my name on my business account. It went well and they were nice to me.  Thanks Nazrima and coworkers.  Then I stopped by my mental health program but did not stay long. I went to the post office to find out the passport process because I need to update my passport. Then I went home and assembled name change requests to send to three credit card companies and one government agency.  Then I thought for a while about what to do tomorrow, and I went back to the post office.  They were really nice to me there. I feel like with all the ups and downs in my neighborhood, the post office people have really been there for me and done their job with discipline and strictness that reflects the very extreme post office responsibility.  It’s not the same as doing something like sandwiches or books, though everyone out there is a great brave worker in my opinion.  The post office has rules and laws that people count on. People’s documents are traveling through the mail and can’t get lost or bad things happen. 

So anyway, as I was saying, that went well, and I unexpectedly made a video about my imaginary mice series. The video is okay.  It’s not perfect and not completely ideal and optimal but still I think adds to the variety of my posts about books.  I don’t think this video will do as well as my library book video did, but really you never know.

 

The video is on facebook now, we will see how things go. My last video got 7000 views. That was really good.  I just feel iffy about this but think I can re-share videos later once I have more of a budget. Man I have a low budget right now.  I can’t over do it on anything but probably can get this name change done okay.  The new passport costs over a hundred dollars.  Wowzers how do people do that, I don’t know.

 

So anyway, there are some issues at my apartment and the staff is doing their escalation thing which I find severely abusive, disrespectful, and unethical.  Now, there is my mail involved, a court ordered name change, and my DMV document which is government ID.  Slowing down or interfering with mail is a crime, but because this mental health housing does case management, they get away with a lot of power plays and mail withholding. I figured this out myself after being treated like garbage for a year and a half.  How low a view I have of that kind of ethical practice cannot be described.  It also affects my general view of the social work field, which I have a license from myself. I did email the licensing board to surrender my license because of the emotional abuse I have experienced from mental health services, which actually makes it impossible for me to be effective at anything except suffering and hurt.

 

That is all for now, I thankfully have recovered a little bit as people bother me on purpose, and called some friends for comfort and encouragement.

Hello everyone, this is Refried Bean. Today is Thursday March 7. I am in the process of legally changing my name to my name which is Refried Bean. It is going very well so far. I just have to be patient and do things in the right order.

I am also taking another comedy class and it is going well. I am thinking of jokes and think I will be able to have good material for the class show in April.

 

I am thankful for my apartment which is safe and warm.  The problem is continued harassment from staff, who do weird things as power plays and try to escalate me to go to the hospital and not be able to take my medicine.  However I just picked up my medicine at CVS today and I think I can take it myself in my room.  There might still be legal sharks from my old retail job trying to track me and shark me, building a case against me to make me seem noncompliant in front of a jury.  

Today the water was turned off for a few hours, and when I got home the hot water was no longer hot any more and the water is yellow.  I do not know if it is clean enough for showering, and I am going to Walgreens tomorrow to buy water with my insurance card.

 

My insurance is still in my old name, but the process is in motion for a nice name change and new gender designation.  I do miss my old name a little bit but don’t intend to shark myself about it. Yesterday on the subway I was scared of flooding and then a guy started vaping, which is against the rules. I could tell he just got out of the hospital so I gave him some chocolate.  I got through the subway ride and am thankful for the nice new Yorkers who were good company. 

 

In other news, my gallbladder cramped up at the Medicaid office, and it could take a day or so to get back to normal.  I also felt some heart stress and tachyardia, but I seem to be okay. I felt that it would not be a bad life story to die from stress in the Medicaid office.

 

Tomorrow I have to pass inspection at 8 pm. I think that I can get that done in the afternoon. 

 

Well have a nice day everyone.