The several million Billy Goats Gruff

 When you drive up north there is something you don’t see in the south, which is toll roads.  The north charges a toll to continue on your way through their highways.  It is also a strategy they use as part of their other systems, like school and work. The tolls they charge can be emotional, behavioral, or their favorite, which is getting people to renounce their faith.  For me, I needed help surviving abuse, so I came to New York and paid my parents’ life savings to go to social work school. The idea was to stay alive for long enough to publish the creative writing that I was willing to sacrifice my mental health for in SC as other monster control freaks also emotionally abused me to the point of death. But people here found new ways to delay my true goals, supposedly to try to keep a “reason for living” in the picture for me as a strategy for saving my life.  Unfortunately, it was all too convenient a way to join with my original abusers in destroying the thing I was trying to preserve, which was, unspurprisingly, funny and effective christian poetry.  So here I am, still being abused, and nary a book has reached the hands of a stranger, though most of the best work was complete and ready to distribute in 2012.

I feel a familiar, seemingly immanent but probably false hope of finally reaching people with the writing, but sadly, there are still too many snakebites in the mix, which I discuss in my next post.  So people continue to get what they really want from me, which is a ruined life and additional problems that no doubt have found their way into my book content.  People are glad to save my life if they can also desecrate it, and indeed that is what has happened. All the abusers are still getting their kicks, and I accumulate more enemies every day, without successfully offering the life and work that has also grown and increased only for the purpose of letting the bad people get away with taking more with each lash from satan.

 

It is a blackmail hostage dynamic, powerplays and bargaining, a perpetual trade where somehow the carrot on the stick remains out of reach, plastic anyway, and emitting radioactive poison that causes not only my work to no longer be worthwhile, but my whole life and existence.  

 

I forgot the rest that I was going to say.  The lost health and actual mental decline is another factor that helps people get away with these tricks and scams but will eventually be the main thing I have going for me, sadly in the way that everyone's most common greatest fear, death, is actually, mercifully our way out when those same people take away from some of us all of the things that made life so precious to them.

Snake Bites to the Soul, more backwards than the four humors

 Hi everyone, today is July 29. I do not think any website traffic is coming to this blog unless I directly share it and if that is on facebook they still won’t click on it.  So it is really just a journal.  My old blog has a lot of clicks this months because of the legal sharks following me. 

Right now I am experiencing the toxic soul poison of a snake bite from yesterday which was an interaction with Tamara, who is one of the people who emotionally abuses me at my supported housing apartment.  Lillian is the other person who I think has been so consistent and strategic that it is on a criminal level.  I will not survive it and this happened last year and didn’t stop until I reported it to the cops. I did that again recently and will have to go back and beg for someone to intervene. Most people seem to think, “Well then don’t live there.”  I feel sorry for anyone who sees it that way, and they will probably receive their disapproval from God in front of a large audience.

 

The other thing that is adding to my feeling of abuse today is a financial situation where a credit card company took back part of the agreeement I was functioning under and making decisions based on.  It was a cash advance line on a credit card account that started this spring.  I have paid it off very quickly but I applied for as many credit cards as I could and this company emailed me and took back some of their credit limit and most of the cash line.  Well that cash line was the back up plan that I was counting on as I signed up for other cards.  Some of my other cards also have small cash lines but almost all of the companies make accessing those lines be a several step process that you can’t do at the last minute.  I personally think that is dirty and a service should be more straightforward than that.  You should receive your pin number with your card.

 

Added to that is that the in-person banking services and other things like stores in my neighborhood are places where I face blatant insulting abuse and discrimination upon almost any interaction I have there.  Some of it does actually match an illegal “refusal to serve” description, and some of it just has to do with delaying service or blocking me from whatever resource I am there for.  And the fact that I feel their hate is so influenced by politics from larger communities that have already treated me like garbage is also depressing.

 

It does make me suicidal, which is already part of my condition.  Severe mental illness is already life threatening, and to have additional stressors at any point of life participation puts me at extreme risk.  By now, no one is really counting on me as an example for young people or other vulnerable populations, because my writing career was also shut down. I know there is an artificial block on my book sales.  Even selling fifty books would have made a difference in my outlook about these financial violations against me.

 

So really what happens is that I am losing trust and faith in the conspiracy and torture programs that have helped me survive.  I know that some of these abuses are either prompted or allowed by the case management that has helped me stay alive or pretended to help because it was such a powerful way to thwart anything good from the south.

 

And the emotional pay off from some nice blessings have been taken back.  Sure, it’s for safety reasons, I would spend more money if I got manic, or make a bad decision.  But really I think too many people find it convenient for me to be heartbroken for my entire adulthood and for every free moment and sign of relief to immediately become part of an ongoing and contrived living hell.

 

Some medical treatment is hard to get through.  Chemotherapy, dentists appointments, shots, and torture care where the good guys have to camoflauge themselves as the bad guys.  Well I just think this time their performance was a little too convincing, and I am simply being criminally abused.

 

I don’t have to take it, I did not stay alive for this, and this is my last notice that I do not expect to survive through the end of this year.  I do not have to write a suicide note, I don’t have to give two weeks notice, I don’t have to seek any more fake medical care that chooses to play along with a survival charade while failing to protect me from overt abuse.

 

Goodbye, this is the last notice anyone will get about my forced decision to escape the worst people I have ever known through the only reliable means which is leaving this earth where even the good people wasted the valuable and heavily invested gift of my life and work.

Bad Cred

Today is Monday, July 24.  The conspiracy suggested that there was going to be Christmas in July and I thought it meant that I would see my gf in person but it doesn’t seem to mean that.  Also, the apartment people are still trying to hurt me, and my bruxism, which is jaw-clenching, flared up again.  It chipped a tooth and I am going to the dentist to get it documented for any possible court case, which I believe will be criminal.  No need to say the people’s names again but they have been very strategic and deliberate in their harassment and emotional abuse with intent to kill.  

 

So anyway I really nailed it earlier this year when I first had bruxism and immediately got dental X rays.  I just knew, got it done, and several doctors also see it exactly for what it is.  So that is sad.  I will miss my tooth. The circumstances now are the same, the facebook work, the delayed credit card, the apartment people makng my life a living hell on purpose. I am not going to get care for the rest of the tooth but will just let it eventually fall out.  I had a nice life with good health and teeth, and I am thankful for what I had.

 

I am definitely on the final lap, probably with about five years left, which I have said before, and it is starting to be questionable for me to try to go through with having a person.  Especially since there is a weird delay contrived by the conspiracy.  But so far I think it will be better to not be alone during what will probably be a sad decline. And I like the person too much to quit unless I just feel like it hurts that person too much with no good years.

 

Also of note today is that I posted some facebook posts and it went well. I have a good following and participation now, which was what was missing for several years with no explanation.  I do not understand but I am thankful for this belated happiness.  I do, however, think that facebook has its algorithms set too much in its own favor, so you not only have to pay to achieve a following, but you have to re-pay to reach those same people.  Also, people can’t announce things to their own friends and their social network is used for marketing purposes while blocked as the original friendship purpose.  The politics mixed in just makes it worse, and it is a sad thing to see support for it by people who think they will be the ones favored so they compromise their own supposed commitments to justice.

 

What next.  Credit Score.  Okay I applied for a lot of credit cards over the past few months.  I had decent credit and felt that this was what to spend it on, is credit cards to boost facebook posts and reach as wide an audience as possible.  And I have found it to be worth it and effective, and so far I can pay the bills.  I just today looked at how credit is measured, and I have to say that I think it is not a good system, and causes random people to have too much power over decisions that are none of their business.  I think the only truly relevant factor in the score is bill repayment, and if you are excellent on that, then loan inquiries should have no bearing on whether people give you a chance.  As it is, too many credit applications damage your score.  I think I won’t list out who accepted me and rejected me.  It is just kind of sad, for me and for them. But I am nearing what I think is the true limit for me, in terms of what amount is responsible to have, which, as I said before, is not any other banks business. The other thing I have noticed is that these banks and credit card companies have become pro at holding people’s money, delaying your own payments to them, making it take three days, six days, even 14 days after you pay, so your money is just floating out there somewhere making interest for someone else.  It is crooked and shameful and represents a whole nation that is corrupt on many levels.  The travel industry is like that, where you can’t get a hotel or plane ride from anyone honest, and it is sad how obvious it is when you are out of that scene and then see it suddenly with fresh, innocent eyes, which mine were because I do what I am supposed to and was too poor to participate in some of these nasty bad systems.  And then you go to school and all that academia can say is that it is racism.  Like no accountability for the threats of AI or other cementing of the dishonest leveraging.  Just simply, systemic racism, but please look the other way at this school’s hypocrisy.  Because we figured out a long time ago how to bake in a corrective bias and that is how we thought up stuff to accuse everyone else of.

 

I have pages and pages more to say, but that is enough for now.  I will be telling the truth about this stuff, and some people don’t because they are scared that the truth is not on their side.  But really it probably is, and everyone’s case against Whitey and the man  is actually stronger, not weaker, than the lies they made up to hurt the people who do what we are supposed to.

hi everyone

 Well hi everyone, I just shared some facebook posts.  I feel like my favorites consistently aren't the ones that get the most likes and shares, but it is still a fun thing and I have nice followers.

I had a rough week this week but discovered a new prayer idea which is to think of three random things that someone might have in their house or life, like a green toothbrush, an open window, and a tall neighbor, and then anyone with those three things you ask God to give them and their communities 45 million blessings.  It turns life into a sort of gameshow and it can help you pray for people you literally could never think of on your own.  Like you would never guess their workplace or location or life, but all of a sudden you have specifically included them.  I have used ideas like that before but am finding that choosing a few things creates more of a lottery system.

Well that is all I have to say. Still some of the same issues in apartmentland, and now a missing grocery store that was my main activity.  So that is sad.  But I am still expecting an okay week.

Have a great day everyone