The several million Billy Goats Gruff

 When you drive up north there is something you don’t see in the south, which is toll roads.  The north charges a toll to continue on your way through their highways.  It is also a strategy they use as part of their other systems, like school and work. The tolls they charge can be emotional, behavioral, or their favorite, which is getting people to renounce their faith.  For me, I needed help surviving abuse, so I came to New York and paid my parents’ life savings to go to social work school. The idea was to stay alive for long enough to publish the creative writing that I was willing to sacrifice my mental health for in SC as other monster control freaks also emotionally abused me to the point of death. But people here found new ways to delay my true goals, supposedly to try to keep a “reason for living” in the picture for me as a strategy for saving my life.  Unfortunately, it was all too convenient a way to join with my original abusers in destroying the thing I was trying to preserve, which was, unspurprisingly, funny and effective christian poetry.  So here I am, still being abused, and nary a book has reached the hands of a stranger, though most of the best work was complete and ready to distribute in 2012.

I feel a familiar, seemingly immanent but probably false hope of finally reaching people with the writing, but sadly, there are still too many snakebites in the mix, which I discuss in my next post.  So people continue to get what they really want from me, which is a ruined life and additional problems that no doubt have found their way into my book content.  People are glad to save my life if they can also desecrate it, and indeed that is what has happened. All the abusers are still getting their kicks, and I accumulate more enemies every day, without successfully offering the life and work that has also grown and increased only for the purpose of letting the bad people get away with taking more with each lash from satan.

 

It is a blackmail hostage dynamic, powerplays and bargaining, a perpetual trade where somehow the carrot on the stick remains out of reach, plastic anyway, and emitting radioactive poison that causes not only my work to no longer be worthwhile, but my whole life and existence.  

 

I forgot the rest that I was going to say.  The lost health and actual mental decline is another factor that helps people get away with these tricks and scams but will eventually be the main thing I have going for me, sadly in the way that everyone's most common greatest fear, death, is actually, mercifully our way out when those same people take away from some of us all of the things that made life so precious to them.