Ok everyone, this is Refried. I just got back my other Kirkus review and I think I am not publishing it. I think I am going to end with a thumbs down on the service. 

I kind of appreciate their feedback and I think some of what they said was legitimate but I think they mostly saw it as more poorly written than it was.  Like that is my thing, to come across as amateur and deliver on some genius elements of philosophy and wit.  

And I also feel a silencing from their policy.  Like I can't say the key word that I think they were wrong about because it is quoting the review without letting them publish it.  That is just too controlling for me.  I paid the money and I should own the review.

I was mostly happy with the first review on Sparkity Bonkins even though I felt that they had kind of taken a lower view of the book than it deserved. Like they were hard on it and it probably did deserve a star. It just does have some exceptional creativity.  And this one is also saturated with cute and clever ideas. I mean it is a blast of art.  And the most notable thing are the two plots which both have incredibly interesting climactic moments and resolutions.  

I think all they could see was that maybe I tried to write a novel and wasn't strong enough. They couldn't see past what to me are just casual elements. I think they were genuinely fooled and for some reason took for granted the prophetic level of actually very compelling characters.  The characters are developed more internally than externally, that is part of the point.  People don't have to like it, but to say I ramble when it is the most condense and classic plot that some readers would probably have ever read is likely from just a weak reader who thought I didn't know what I was doing.

And then I think also in my own critique of what Kirkus generally offers, I agree with others who have said they provide too much of a summary and not enough evaluation.  And for this donut novel, there was plenty to praise, but in their one or two lines devoted to actual opinion, they just chose weird random things to look down on. Also in the summary, they make it sound boring, like a day's work, when what happens immediately in the book is something absolutely ridiculous that could never happen in our world. Again, I can't quote the a summary line of my own book, because I am not publishing the review.

I felt when I turned it in that it would either be a star or it would be mostly negative.  And it is only mildly negative but definitely missed the main appeal of the book.  It is kind of interesting how vividly absent the core features of the novel are.  They made their choice of what to focus on and how to present it as a sloppy good try. And had to overlook some striking elements of idea after idea, brave humor and skillful plotting.  The exact opposite of their conclusion.  

 Hello everyone, this is Refried. It is Tuesday, April 21 at 3:23 pm. I have a meeting at 6:30.  

I just took a shower. So let's make a list of stuff I did today.  Texted with my sister, got coffee, gave a snack to someone, got my floor extra mopped, talked to Daniella about the gate, got a copy of the paperwork for name change, sent a job application, checked my video numbers, took a shower, went to taco bell, gave a nice person a nice book, picked up my packages from the post office, read over my proof copy, took a walk, rested, did well on my video game, and I think that is all.   That is 16 things. That is three days worth of stuff. I usually think five per day is okay.

Gice do you have any thoughts? What do you think of the new book.  I feel like I should have given the Taco Bell person a copy of Soul Blood to give to the worker in the back who I did not see. 

But I did not see them and I felt like Soul Blood was not the same as the book I gave the worker who was so nice to me.  So I just have to accept that. I mean honestly I think I should have given them two books and they would have had more of a clue of who I was.  But you don't just hand a worker your last will and testament.  And yet maybe I was supposed to.  

Well I do the best I can.  It was a good vanilla cream soda slush.

Soon it is time for afternoon coffee. I need to buy some new ice cream. I mean should I take another walk today? I think I will need to wait until tomorrow.

Or wait a minute. Are you Gice thinking what I am thinking? An instacart order soon?  Hmm.  And buy a lot of ice cream.  Like three containers of ice cream. Ok I will think about it.

 Hello everyone.  Thankfully, I caught up on sleep today. And my apartment is mostly comfortable again.  So that is good. It is about a week that it was too warm.  I question that since we are psych patients, and there is a law, and I pay rent.

Also today I walked to the post office to pick up some mail but I have to try again tomorrow.  The main thing I was waiting for was late because amazon does that on purpose sometimes to show who's in charge.  It is interesting because that wasted trip took away my strength to go downtown as I planned, so I did not get my medicine.  I mean who needs mistreatment like that.  And the other factor is that I had to walk an extra two miles because of the accessible entrance being blocked to my apartment.  

I think accessibility and accommodations is the angle I take when I do the grievance about not being able to get to the train easily enough.  Possibly I should have already written the email but I will write it tomorrow.

I think the issue is that they are making the train station unaccessible for disability. 

That might be one of the main arguments against most of their mistreatment in general.  I think that people figured that out a long time ago.

Anyway I think the goal now is to show up on actual Judgement Day with 90 enemies to be punished in front of all of humanity. I mean it is going to be awesome and it kind of makes you wonder what else the people did to reap this destiny.  There is one name I have not ever listed but I probably will. 

I think that Wednesday I will try to go to the grocery store.  So maybe later I will read some cook books. I mean I could do that right this second is peruse an old 80s cookbook.

I hope in heaven I am friends with some of the country bumpkins that still use those old cook books.

Well, have a good day everyone.

 Hello everyone, this is Refried. It is 6:35. I just took my medicine a little while ago. I should have taken it sooner.  But I had a crazy dream where I was taking a sheep on a trip and before you know it I was helping people walk into a muddy green area and we got stuck and it seemed supernatural.

And I thought I might have gotten hexed in some way by someone I prayed for.  I still feel like there is some spirit bothering me and I don't know what it is from.   Or a curse or something.

But anyway I need to go downtown today. I think I will leave at about 8:30 unless I fall asleep.

I just chatted with an American Express person because they are making me do paperwork to change my name and I already did that two years ago and they did not change my name.

Now it is a problem for me and I told them they had made it too hard for me and I am disabled and can't do things twenty times. But they said they need my social security number.  And they are making me mail in a form again but I did that two years ago and they told me to do the license process online instead and I did and then they didn't change it.  

So I told them it really hurt me that they wouldn't change my name.

Then I heard back from someone in my writing group.  She said she did not perceive one of the people as bullying me.  I think he does bully me though. I think he did call me a name last week. 

So I might just skip this week at the group.

So anyway I will go to Fed Ex, the bank, and CVS. It is not that hard. Just take the train to Astor Place.

Leave at 8:30.  Maybe see if I can sleep for two more hours now.

Gice people think it was a medicine problem last week but it wasn't.

Drena is mad at me.  But it wasn't from medicine, people really hurt me.

Well, have a good day everyone.

 Hello everyone. This is Refried. I feel happy because there was an unexpected part of my day where I did a virtual care appointment online. I talked to a new doctor for me named Dr. Sanapala. Kind of like “Snapple” which I sometimes drink at the Thai restaurant. And it is funny because my fatigue problem was from the Thai food I ate a few days ago. And I did not realize it. I thought it was from low iron.

Something else interesting is that I ate grape juice and Corn Pops while I waited and that is just too much like communion. I mean I am not trying to be a kook but it was kind of weird because in the waiting room I did invite Dr Snapala to Echo church.

So anyway she sent my prescription to CVS and hopefully that will go okay tomorrow. Walgreens was mean to me and makes me re ask my doctor for prescriptions when I don’t let myself be kicked around by their automated system. Their failure, their problem.

So anyway I am so relieved that the problem is familiar. I mean I didn’t even care if it was a bad disease but honestly the issue has more to do with not easily going to Walgreens. 

So anyway it was also funny because Dr Snapple knew that the “low energy” was the same fatigue as usual even though I told her it was different. I said usually I can’t walk to the grocery store and this time I could not walk to the post office. Like that is the difference between low iron and lupus. I should say food allergies but I think the actual mechanism happening is autoimmune. It is an autoimmune reaction to spicy foods.

So anyway I think I will email Becky this week and apologize for disappearing without a word.

Tomorrow I pick up my new book and I am glad about that. I mean it’s just like normal.

I need to reread the other two recent Bronx Combo books. Honestly soon there will be enough and I should not do more.

I think it is 8 from Manhattan and 8 from the Bronx.

I think people on facebook are tired of me promoting myself but I need to not read into only the troll who was mean to me last week. A lot of my facebook friends like me just fine. And I think we all lost each other because of algorithms, not because of self promotion and white supeemacy. I mean the more time goes on you can tell everyone just wants the same stuff: popularity and success. Only with some people they get persecuted for it.

But anyway I am sitting outside right now. I have sat outside a lot for five days. I like it out here.

Gice a while ago in my room I felt God’s love and as I remembered sitting on the benches at 180th street the sunlight came through my window onto my face and I think it was a message from God about me, my church, the heroin addict who I have the roast beef sandwich to but had that bad guy waiting to take it away, the gallbladder days, the hospital, the food stuff, like remember when I thought I could only eat fish and vegetables? And then today I ate fish sticks.

So I mean who knows. It is just weird because I have had a lot of signs like that but sometimes I feel like God is far and mad. But anyway I think the weather stuff might happen in relation to Middlechurch because do you remember that day when I was sitting outside near park view and the storm cloud coincided with something. It had to do with the church and I felt honestly kind of proud.

Anyway I didnt expect this post to be like this and I think this makes twice that I didn’t say something positive about Walgreens when some people were in fact nice to me and they are some of the most extreme heroes of our neighborhood but at the same time there is no excuse for some of the stuff that store has done to me. And making me have another appointment for medicine is an absolute outrage. I mean people could and should sue them for that.

Well, that is all for now. Tomorrow I have to go get a check, go to CVS, and really that is all isn’t it. Maybe Fed Ex for two things. I forgot what one thing is.

Gice I hope I can go to comedy class okay with the gate locked up now. Ok I think that was the other thing at FedEx. Gice is anyone mad at me? 

 Gice, today is Sunday, April 19. I just went outside and sat on the bench but it is raining a little bit. I drank coffee earlier and just ate jello.  Hopefully the jello will give me some energy and soon I will make some food.  I think maybe oatmeal might do the trick.  And some fish sticks.  That is yummy.  I wanted to go to McDonalds but it is too rainy.

I told Amanda that I don't think the conspiracy burned down our church. I gave her the phone number of the person who started the conspiracy. I mean that is all I can do and I think it was good self control that I didn't mess up their investigation when it was originally happening. 

But anyway tomorrow I will hopefully get a copy of my new book.  I think maybe I would enjoy reading more of these books in my free time.  But I actually have had some time away from making ai memes.  

I don't think I do that bad with my ai budget.  Don't you guys think I did okay? I just shouldn't be judged negatively for everything.

I miss Ravneet and hope she can go to some restaurants with me soon. Should I be looking at cookbooks? Was I wrong that the torture is over? I mean maybe they are still going to torture me.

So are you Gice thinking cereal is on the menu for today? Well maybe for dessert.

I felt happy when I gave Diamond the pack of cheese.  It made me happy. And I sent Amanda a message.

Gice are there friends I am supposed to be calling? I mean I do not know.

I miss my friend Lauren and I think she might have hurt me to document what Hannah did.  But to me it felt like she really took Hannah's side.

I miss Danielle too, Danielle Spector.  And Courtney.  Gice am I supposed to still be writing stuff? Like some imaginary animal scenes or something? I genuinely feel like I can't.

Well, that is all everyone. Maybe som new videos later for my bullying blog but I think I don't need to rush that and it can mostly be therapeutic.

Ok next up is books for MC. What should I send. I think she wants a copy of the mice books and then maybe Library Book, and then what, maybe some thin books. I mean I do not know.

Well, have a good day everyone.

 Gice I forgot the epilepsy conference. I just didn't register when I got the email.  I thought I would remember it and Friday I did remember it wand I was like hmm I think I didn't register. So my weekend could have been very different.  I mean maybe I am not functioning well. 

Are they mad at me, I do not now.  I mean it was a light touch with the affiliation, and finally when the trains didn't go there properly, I missed it. Are people saying ha ha about it?

I could have said hello to Anli Liu. Sorry Dr. Liu. I wish I had not missed it on either year.  But I also have a sleep problem right now and have to walk an extra mile to get to the train.

So anyway I missed out but am doing the best I can.

Does anyone have any thoughts? I think I will send Marissa Hudson a note and see if she wants to get lunch soon.