Well hello everyone, today is December 28. I took the train to Manhattan today and went to Trader Joes. I had stopped going to Trader Joes for about four years but visited the Pronto store before Christmas to buy a few people some cookies. Today I went in and bought a hundred dollars worth of goodies. Their prices do not appear to have spiked from inflation, or at least have been corrected since then, and it was an awesome deal. Some cookies cost four dollars, and some candy cost only a dollar forty nine.
I was going to give quite a bit of it to the people in the office at my housing. But then I decided to wrap it all up and put it under my Christmas tree. I did set aside two boxes of cookies for the office. As for my neighbors, I thought about sharing with them and might still do that as I eat the stuff myself. So it will be once it is opened. I think if I gave them whole packs of stuff they would sell it and not enjoy it as a gift. So I think I did the right thing.
It is hard to feel the good feelings from it because tonight one of the office people told me my medicine was here, but the main medicine still isn’t here, and I am going to have to call insurance about it. And this problem was caused on purpose either by my mental health program or housing, both of which subscribe to the power plays common in mental health fields. I am frankly disgusted by the whole industry’s moral compromises and hypocritical racism, but I have no choice except to depend on these organizations, and there are enough benefits for me to keep on living here so far. If I am ever well enough to be on my own, then maybe I will move back to Greenville, SC, drive again, and try to wash dishes at a restaurant that gives me free food.
Usually there are reasons for mistreatment that supposedly benefit the client. The abuse last year resulted in me changing medicines. I am not convinced they did the right thing, and the emotional torture definitely caused me permanent damage.
The main thing I think I should do is pray for other severely persecuted people. And it is severe, even though some people desperately want to believe I have it easy. I feel sorry for them. There have always been people like that in my life, who are in denial about bad things that happen to me, or anything I do that is good.
I am so sad to be saying things that are not going right. I wanted this post to be a humble brag about going to Trader Joes. Like one of those “grocery store haul” videos on youtube. But actually I found myself in theological territory and could see why Jesus’s forgiveness was enough for count for other people. So when we can’t forgive our enemies, Jesus forgives them and they can still go to heaven. And in heaven, we will be glad about it and receive the recompense for what was lost, as well as any reward if we handled it okay.
I myself have not handled things well, but I am still alive to pray for millions of people all over the world and in other time periods. I think you can only go so far with a Catholic system where you guess that God will grant a certain amount of blessings because of your obedience in suffering, or provide other people with the forgiveness that you imagine for your own situation. I do think there are systems and priestly negotiations that happen. However, the true Protestants will be found to have served the whole world by referring everyone to God himself and the blessings already secured. They say not to participate in an earnings charade and be deceived into thinking other people’s salvation is in your hands, or even the problem people’s own will. Well that is not what I am trying for and of course it doesn’t have to be like that. But if I fathom a mystery, I won’t keep it to myself.
Do you guys miss the commas I used to use correctly? Does anyone have any opinions about that? I don’t know how I feel about it, and whether I should be more strict with sentence structure as a repentance in the new year.
I guess that will be another blog post soon, to discuss goals for the year. I am just not happy that suddenly my goal is to avoid torture and being sent to jail for no reason whatsoever except the same liberal racism that has already ruined my life. Here is where I erase some things, and don’t say anything else about how bad I think the people are who would hurt me like this. Literally on a day where I went downtown to buy them presents. I have started chanting “Shame, shame, shame,” when the security guards target me. Eventually a whole chorus of angels will join me as these people start to burn for eternity.
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