Well everyone, it is about 10 pm on Dec 28. I just prayed for a while and read some poems in a literary magazine. I weirdly have only read one or two other literary magazines ever. That’s just not where I got my poetry from, because I mostly read books. So I didn’t bother sending stuff to lit mags either, to try to be published, but wow, it is pretty neat, maybe I will some time. I think it is hard to start now ten years after an MFA but you never know who will like your poems.
So interestingly I just got trolled on my book ad, which is a video. And this Mexican guy called for other Mexicans to express their protest against my name, which is Refried Bean.
Occasionally I have had various fears about my pen name, and worried that either other people will already use the same name more successfully, or they will view it as racist because of other people's bad use of the term. But after reading that guy’s post, I see how absurd that is, for anyone to challenge it for any reason. And for any mexican person to claim total ownership of something like refried beans. I decided to delete the post because I am paying for the ad to share. But I could easily have told the guy he’s not that special and I’ve been eating at Taco Bell my whole life. I mean maybe I should have but I just decided not to give him the air time.
It's kind of a funny surprise, to see how comical it is for people to suggest the name is offensive. I kind of get why they would, especially when it is popular now to call anything a white person does racist. But wow I just named myself a food name, and it is in English.
So I guess my mood has improved since the last post. But it is not a happy thing that I am still being tortured. When is it going to stop? I hope it does stop. Usually it seems like the conspiracy says I have to be tortured in order to recover and it’s not going to stop. But mostly I feel that I genuinely can’t take it and no one should be treating me the way I am treated all the time pretty much everywhere I go.
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