Communication with the Outside World

 hello everyone do you think i am blogging too much, well i am having a hard time because I was sick today and my computer is no longer working for internet and writing.

i did watch some funny comedy and some movie scene youtube videos that were from a movie that I did like a lot. 

Will I take another comedy class in march? I do not know. I think maybe I should. I think I can think of more jokes.  Do people think I should be taking a class right now? Well I can't.

I am not giving up on the art certificate but it could be that I can only do one class if I need a new computer. That is okay with me and there is a chance I won't even be able to replace the computer. I think I should because of the 80 books I have on amazon. I think I should keep it possible to manage that well, or properly which is the word I am overusing tonight.

I do not know who reads this blog everyone, some people do read it, but to me it is still an imagined public and it truly is a blog that I like. I do not think I will replace it with substack.

Ok I erased some laments about the weirdness of the missing writing career.  I think that maybe the idea is that things went well and the books are pretty funny which was the goal and the stuff I was wrong about can be topics for other people to succeed at in discussions or papers. Ok I have to say that is a great idea.

Gice I think I really need to do some prep work for new years resolutions this year. So here we are, that was why people said this is New Years Day. Gosh, everyone, that is kind of mean, to tell me to shape up like that and implement a total overhaul immediately.

Ravneet, are you reading this? It was fun talking to you today, thanks for helping me. That was weird, wasn't it, how suddenly I wasn't okay. But I took my medicine and feel fine right now so hopefully tomorrow will be easier and I talk to my therapist at 10 am. Thanks Drena see you tomorrow I am sorry if I wrote too much and you read it, I did not mean to rely too much on emergency care. 

Ok everyone, have a good night, pour yourself some coffee because we still have two more hours of sitting around checking the election poll results. That is what I am doing, it is a sign of health.

I am taking my medicine properly

 hello everyone, i am writing to the outside world even though my internet is not working properly. is it the computer or is it some difference with this phone.  i do not really know.  maybe i can wait until after my trip to get a new computer and i can see how the computer in greenville does with this phone.

i seem to be okay and have been eating biscuits.  I ate food with my medicine last night and generally do every time I take it.  I think the doctor I talked to online today thought I did not take food properly with the latuda and that is why i was sick.  But I don't think that was it and I don't think this particular indigestion is what happens from not taking the medicine with enough food.  But he was so mean to me like they were going into psych hospital mode and ready to torture me.  That really hurts me and breaks my heart a little bit because I was sick and needed help and instead it is like I am in trouble when I did take my medicine correctly.  I think the issue is apricots. And possibly someone told me that.

Anyway I am okay and getting through it. It is kind of weird because I had other stuff on my mind and then suddenly my computer isn't working anymore and I am sick without explanation.  But I am glad it is not salmonella.  Really the doctors are smart and figure that out every time.

Psych meds are interesting because this was the story with risperdal throughout many years, where I would have an issue and it was the risperdal or missed doses.

I just think the mental health system is too punitive when we already have suffering and losses upon that suffering and then the mental health care is going to be medicine that makes you feel bad and torture when you really have a problem.

That is all I will say because I don't know what is on the near horizon as I either proceed with this latuda journey or go back to the risperdal.

 hello everyone it seems to be a microsoft word issue but is probably still a sign that I need a new computer. this was a nice computer, i liked it a lot.

i have indigestion from my medicine. I think it was from eating apricots or lime juice plus latuda.

It seemed at first to be something I ate.

I don't think I need to go to the hospital over it but I thought about it like for the medicine switch but I think we just go backwards from the change from before. 

And I will probably have to be on two mg of risperdal but maybe not drinking soda is the new reality.

What is happening is the computer is not staying online. I could think it has to do with the new phone but I think it is an overheating problem and microsoft word.  Psosibly even having to do with copy and paste memory.

The computer is warm now but not overheating.

I am glad I have a phone and maybe that will have to be enough for a while.

However I am trying to run a business.

The conspiracy sometimes confuses me like how it works because I can believe it is not happening and do I have book sales or not? I think that is a major factor in being okay with some things how they are.  Like today when I decided to help my mouse father write his memoir I felt so much better.  I felt normal like my life was the way it is supposed to be. It was relief from weird depression feelings. 

what do I do about visiting my mom. I am thinking 40 latuda one mg of risperdal for the whole trip.

then 20 latuda then 2 mg risperdal again.

of course I will wait and talk to dr. eder.  

These med changes waste some medicine.

well everyone i am interested in hearing opinions from the conspiracy.

I think for now I just get through the next day or so until I am not sick anymore and I just rely on my phone more and plan my trip. 

 ok everyone i think the computer overheated because of running microsoft word at the same time as internet and the computer has started to not work and not do stuff when it overheats. This time it was wifi, sometimes it is typing. 

It makes me feel better to blog even though the blog posts are just journal material.

well that is all everyone I jsut wanted to follow up on that disturbing announcement.

hello everyone

 Hello everyone,

my computer is overheating sometimes and the wifi is not working properly. 

This was a good computer. The problems started when I attended a youth ministry forum and the typing was slow.  It was a five hour event. 

What does this mean, is it a punishment.

I can't just take classes and get a new computer and try to do mental health treatment.

Now the computer is cooling off. It had to do with connecting to wifi.

There is no guarantee that the wifi hotspot system will work if I get a new computer.

I definitely think I cant short cut and do a tablet.

I am thinking use this until it absolutely doesn't work.

Possibly the issue is microsoft word running at the same time.

That is what zuckerberg thinks it is.

Ok thanks everyone

 Hello everyone. The conspiracy is saying this is New Years Day. I do have other stuff to say but I am sure I will say it some other time.

Today I successfully went to the grocery store that I am not able to go to as much as what is optimal. I just can’t sometimes but I did today and wow I got some yummy food. Some thin steaks to cook with honey and Worchester sauce, some Pillsbury items including easy sugar cookies, two, not just one but two containers of egg nog.  Some cereal and yogurt, and a little container of onion dip to use with the remaining chips from last meal.

I also decided to drink one coke despite having stopped soft drinks for three months.  I think I need to restart my diet more aggressively and use this treadmill that I have.  I absolutely know I will not waste it, so no one needs to judge me or assure me they won’t judge me.  I am doing well to just do some basic living skills. Two store trips today, passing inspection yesterday, taking showers, doing laundry, wearing a clean shark costume for Halloween.

I feel better mentally now and I think I can pray for people’s holidays to be okay. I think what I will do is imagine all the things on my mind like clouds of thought and perception and then pray general prayers for that and then choose other populations whose thought clouds God sees and then apply those same prayers by request.

That misses some abuse victims and grief people but maybe I will still get to them or other people can.

The conspiracy is definitely a true blessing that at this point can’t be refuted or even taken for granted, though I do make that mistake a little bit sometimes. 

I talked to ravneet tonight and it was fun.  Ravneet likes quality time like that better than just constant pestering.  During the week I send about 40 messages saying Do you like me. She is very patient with that but she works so she can’t just reassure me incessantly.

Well have a good day everyone, I might need to blog a lot to cope with neurosis. Also I am still being severely tortured by family problems. But live and learn ups and downs pros and cons hits and misses highs and lows right and wrong.

All Saints Day

 Hello everyone, 

It is Nov 1. All Saints Day. I am feeling like today could make a comeback as a holiday. I had some ups and downs on Halloween. Just some mood drops but a nice day with socializing at my mental health program and my online support group.

My internet is not reliable right now for some reason. I hope this does not become a frequent problem.

I have a youtube video on right now of snow falling.

The thing on my mind right now is the election and the panicking democrats.  I myself am planning to vote for Kamala but I just saw a cheesy quote where Walz said something about “the American experiment.” I won’t go into how lame I find that phrase to be, every time I hear it from intellectuals who think of themselves as being above having soldiers die for them. As election day approaches, every time I bolster my decision to vote blue, something interferes with it a little bit.  I do think I will get to the voting booth on Nov 5 and vote to save the Mexicans.

I am thinking about saying something to my democrat facebook friends because they know I have a trove of trump supporters on my list of people who still read my posts, and they want me to squawk at everyone and lose my lifelong friends from the south.  Why? Because it’s time to see a certain outcome in the news and I have some of the cash for it.  They want me to hand over my life to them.  Well I am not and I didn’t do that during the pandemic either as hundreds of people bullied me every day. What I might do is tell them a thing or two about why Trump is still around.  A lot of that is because of how they chose to treat people who voted differently in the past five elections. They treated us like garbage yet now they want something from us, which is for us to both buy them their place in history as the heroes, and for us to also continue acting out our roles as the nazis they defeated. 

Well I frankly am planning to lend my vote in that direction, but I don’t plan to complain that other citizens have a vote, especially if those people happen to be the friends who didn’t ditch me.