Hello everyone. I am peacefully sitting in a cafe where I am the only person but the music is pretty bad. But at least it’s not abusive, just bad. I am glad I came here.

So I published a whole bunch of books and am going to pause for a while. I will do cheap copies some other time.

I forgot some names but mostly did okay. It just can’t be about the names and I am so far past the core of the work that should have already reached people.

Maybe I will unpost the blog posts where I say Satan is attacking me but it is like that, it is spiritual and people think this hate is justice and it isn’t. God isn’t happy about it. In the north people like to say how white people don’t see race and of course all these liberal supremacists see it all the time and are saviors, but what they don’t know is that people from the ignorant south see something too, and that is the missing Christianity. Sometimes it is better here, but often it is shameful what people are disregarding and weren’t taught or don’t have a habit of love and patience. Wow my writing and grammar is so bad now. But there is a reason for this decline.

Anyway that is another post and I will probably do a few more today. Maybe I can erase some but it all seems recordable to me.

 Hello everyone, this is Refried. I am at a coffee shop called Bagels and Cream. I just went to Wendy’s earlier and they gave me a “Biggie Bag” that cost five dollars and had three items in it! Chicken nuggets, a baked potato, and a junior bacon cheeseburger!!! I could not believe it. I had a good time and there seemed to also be a lot of happy healthy young people there too. So that was good. Out of the window I saw children fighting on the back of the bus. I think they are all ok and I guess it was their choice.

Today I shared some books on facebook but I haven’t boosted the post. I don’t know if I will any time soon. It is sad how many problems there are and how facebook is ruined. It is hard to believe after all the blessings that happened for people or could have happened. Possibly though that is what gets fought over.

I can see from the next posts that something bothered me yesterday and hurt my perception of everything else. Today another person was mean to me so I can tell everyone at my building hates me now. That was weird like night and day and interestingly the thing that started it was giving someone a taco that I wanted for myself. But I think this is scheduled from the staff and sub mental health conspiracy. I don’t know if people are planning to send me to the hospital soon but I think I am ok if I go to my mental health program.

 Hello everyone, I do not know who is reading this but I feel a bad feeling that is from being attacked by Satan.  It happens sometimes.  Earlier today I felt the holy spirit for several hours.  So that was good. I prayed for people. Tomorrow I go to my mental health program where they will probably make me feel bad.  It seems to be race themed.  And they are getting clients in on it and for each group they get everyone in the group to express dislike for me in some way, either through disagreement, laughing at me, snickering, or other signs of rejection. Clarence is the main one doing it, but about four other workers have always done that stuff to me.  And Antoinette, who is usually nice, did it too the other day.  God was not happy. It was a bad feeling of emptiness in the room.  I felt that was today some when I had to skip the conference. Possibly that bad feeling is what happened today and God is not happy with MTA.  Like maybe it is not just me letting down the epilepsy conference, but God sees MTA withholding their services.  I do not know.  I guess some things will just be material for Judgement Day.  

 Hello everyone, people are being mean to me at my housing building.  It used to only be the staff.  Now it is some residents too.  Amir tried to hurt my reputation even though I gave him a taco. And Manny was mean today which is definitely out of the ordinary.  James was the other one who got mad first.

So I guess it is goodbye soon.  Maybe it means I am moving this year.  My doctor thinks I need a higher level of care.  To me I just need to not be tortured. I suspect a higher level of care means being tortured worse by other people.

God doesn't like it when people are mean to me. I feel his holy spirit recede.  I don't know what people are thinking to do it anyway. Like what is so great to you that you can turn down God being pleased with you?

Anyway I did not know what to do today. I wish I could have gone to the epilepsy conference.  I think in a way this is a clue to not RSVP to anything else and think of myself as out of the game for events.  Like I am homebound now.  That is sad but at least I am still somewhat independent.  Some people can't be homebound in this way because they cant live on their own. 

I don't think it was that clever for the school people to get everyone to hate me for twelve years.  The idea I think is a creative city project where people imitate my old retail environment.  But I think we could have helped more people by not wasting good work.

I have said that before. It is on my mind again because I am sad today and feel injustice. So in my mind it connects all together. Well that is all.  I should probably un RSVP for the disability conference that I was going to go to in June.

 Hello everyone. I might read some of my old poetry books so I can get my mind out of the visuals for the AI art.  It definitely became an obsession and there is such a range of quality in what I ended up with.  The Blob books are cool and I will probably proudly give the Blobtastic book away a lot.  That is if I continue giving away books. I think some people feel really hurt to have not gotten one but I really needed people to speak up and send me an address.  

And what about me? Where's the cash?

Anyway they did a seizure safety presentation today and I needed to hear about it.  But really my condition is the same and Dr. Gokhan helps me with everything and can see my seizure disorder exactly.  Wow the last appointment was so crazy.  I think the next one will be a normal report of no problems.

Well I guess tonight I will google stuff and watch cooking videos.

Gice last time I walked near NYU hospital I had a temporal lobe spell and it was supernatural.  So today could have been really good.  But God is a presbyterian and I guess he ordained for me to miss out.

 Hello everyone. This is Refried. It is 6 pm on April 6. I missed a great conference today. I feel sad and think maybe I should have gotten on the shuttle busses and insisted on being there. But it took me by surprise and I already had spent some of my extra strength because of health, rain, and drowsiness from medicine.  So I came back feeling empty. 

I just think I am at new levels of disability and the doctors know it.  But some of it is laziness from too much Latuda.  And the problem is Latuda at all.  I was happy on one mg Risperdal.

People are happy to throw away my life like this.  It is very similar to my first years of drugged captivity at Barnes and Noble.  I look back and can't believe what people did to me and they are doing it again.

Anyway I just talked to two friends that I am emailing backup files to tomorrow, and it was just the right amount of conversation. So that really worked out well. Thanks Brian and Charlotte.

Outside there is a goose that is sitting in the same place in an unusual way. I think he might be hurt.  I sent a text to Yara who is the director here.  I think that the campus has people who manage the animals.  But I might have to call the wildlife organization if the goose is still there tomorrow. It rained so I think it had water from the grass.

I am feeling mad because of my medicine and missing the conference. 

Well, that is all for this post.

The Bright Side

 The good news is that my blob books got approved.  All three are publishing and I will get the emails soon with the links to order.  I might have money from SSDI that I can use for some samples.  

My posts on facebook are doing okay. For some reason, instead of clicking "like," people visited my profile for that teal blob.  I think that is still good numbers even though the likes are a fourth of the orange fluffy guy I posted.  

The mice picture is doing well in India and I think I am at 17 thousand likes.  That is good and that is my new hobby.   Thanks, facebookers worldwide.  You all saved my life and I will do something nice for you in heaven.

Today I ate a yummy biscuit from Burger King.  It was the third best biscuit I have ever had, and the worker was nice to me.  My coffee was also really good.  I like Burger King coffee.

So let's look on the bright side.  I mean maybe this is a beginning to my new lifestyle of disability. Where I stay home and miss out.  A lot of people have to do that a lot more than I have had to.

I am sad that I probably disappointed the epilepsy people too. I have gotten attention as an unofficial mascot and it has been enough. They have played a lot of games with me. I am sure it would have been fun today. Maybe people think I am a subway brat and should have hopped on the shuttle busses.

But I truly don't like the shuttle busses and it causes me to not feel secure about the route back either. And besides that, it is not fair.  It is not fair to people in the Bronx who have responsibilities.  I will voice my objection to it with actual legal losses and damages.