Refried Bean <smefird@gmail.com>	8:15 AM (0 minutes ago)
to Drena

Drena,

I just wanted to tell you that the feeling of being abused is overwhelming and they are going to ruin my medicine today. Because Karla abuses me.  It is not right.

I felt better this month and could not believe what I tolerated for the last three years. And now it is going to start again because Karla is racist, and the hospital people are wrong.

I do not know who to report to, I already reported this and it is still happening. It is going to be a lawsuit eventually and I believe I will win. I just can't believe it. I should not have to ingest poison that tears up my face and digestion because Karla likes to feel powerful.  She is not a health proxy, she is not in charge of my career that I earned three degrees for, she does now know what medicine is best, she is mean to me and always has been. She is a child abuser. 

Please someone help me, I do not know how to escape these nazis.

from Refried

 Hello everyone, this is Refried. It is 8 am. I just turned in my comedy routine. I was not able to let go of a few jokes. I do not want to waste them and think it is funnier how it is. But we will see. Maybe I can edit but I just think I am right about this. And last time Ben was wrong about something so I don't even know if he is doing stuff on purpose.

So anyway I got good sleep but woke up feeling persecuted by Karla and the hospital.  I just am on the right medicine and they are going to make me take the latuda again and ruin my health.  The overwhelming feeling this past month while I waited for the latuda problem to go away is that I can't believe they were allowed to ruin my health for three years.  

At noon I will go to the hospital and talk to Dr. Fatima. I am glad it is a doctor that I like.

I saw that I lost a facebook friend. They are sick of seeing my face and some people side with the abusers because they have never had an opportunity to prove they are not racist.  But I think most people are not fooled. It is just like the Sharlene bullcrap.  Remember when I ruined everyone's christmas? This is the same racist bullcrap.

I am so sad about the ruined country, the bad politics of society, my missing poetry success, the hypocritical media roll throughs where some people get celebrated and some don't, and the actual justice people disappeared, the stupid anti gender people still being stupid and controlling, and most of all, the bullies who are allowed to personally abuse me. I can't wait until life is over. This is the familiar feeling that the racists at the Bronx have always caused on purpose and gotten away with for some reason.

 Hello everyone, this is Refried. It is 3 pm. I just attended an online write-in meeting and it was really fun and nice. I think they are going to help me with an e-book issue. I mean I made my choice to stop publishing e-books but will try to get that done sometime. 

Maybe that is something I can work on instead of churning out too much random stuff.

I feel better. I felt better after therapy and this meeting helped, too. I just felt really tired this morning and haven't slept well in two days. And I have taken a lot of medicine lately so that could also be it.  Later I will go to comedy class. I kind of want a piece of pizza so maybe soon I will go do that and stop by the post office and then go to comedy.

I didn't improve my comedy routine but I think it is almost ready.

I should try to memorize some of it.

My smashwords page is okay. It seems a bit too religious but that is okay. I mean why not. Sometimes people only visit a page so that is their impression, it is not that bad.

I ate some baloney and cheese. But I really would like a piece of cheese pizza. So maybe at 4 pm I will go to Westchester Square. I guess I am doing okay.

Today at therapy I talked to Drena about some recent questionable judgement and asked her what she thought about the medicine factor. She feels that it is a chicken and the egg scenario where the escalation is an obvious factor but happens in relation to the medicine sometimes.  But I think they torture me with both the medicine and escalation because I am a trophy privilege hostage in the Bronx.

 Gice that song was so good today at westchester square. Wow amazing. I am listening to a sermon from Amanda right now. Monique and Sandra were really there for me today so I think I will thank them.

Amanda just said something funny and is going to write her memoirs. You’re going to do great, Amanda.

Tonight I felt more sightings, kind of faint but I think it has to do with people I gave the books to.

I just think the books are working out in a way that is supernatural and it isn’t going to be wasted. There have been some mistakes and foibles but I am happy for these supernatural signs and for it to be very inclusive. And a variety. 

And when I was talking to Drena about it there was another one that was different. That was really cool.

I talk to Drena again tomorrow at noon.

Now it is 11:39.

I need to send Monique and Sandra a message.

 Hello everyone, this is Refried. Slowly some of the housing problems are fading for now until tomorrow. It is 2:11 am.  I took my medicine at about 9 pm. So that is three days without missing it, maybe even four but I think it was like 3 1 3. 

So anyway some people are coming to my apartment tomorrow from Jacobi hospital at 1 pm.  I think they will see for themselves how it is too hot in my room.

I think there might end up being a legal case about this. Maybe for 130k.  I think I will easily win. I guess one issue is whether it is criminal or not.  Or whether I should also sue the other mental health places.

Well I do not know. I do not want to sue but if I lose housing I will, just because of what they have cost me in terms of health and hobby, friends and reputation, and most of all advocacy for staying alive.

Possibly my friends and family should also sue. I mean maybe it will be a family lawsuit from me and my sister and her family or something. I think my mom won't want to do a lawsuit.

As for facebook, I had to pause some ads because of the threat of being hospitalized. And I tried to pause them earlier but it did not work.  So I do not know why. I might need to check those other continuals.

I think one of my friends offered condolences on an email. That was nice but don't give up on the book drop.  I believe I will not fail on that permanently.

Ok there might be a secret message. Ok it is saying to pack a bag for tomorrow.

I just am really tired right now and it is too hot in my room. I just can't stand it. This is how it has been for a month now.  I have autism and pay rent.

I have calmed down some though and don't feel an extreme psychiatric escalation.  Just an awareness of continued abuse that has lasted all year. And I will report it and say what I think about it. It is wrong.

I think I got hte wrong flavor of slurpee at 7-11 but I guess just live and learn.

But anyway I think the books are secure now. There is something funny from the book people. I mean wow they really helped me and it is supernatural from all of them.  So okay go in that direction.

I need to talk to Ravneet because I don't want her to be nervous about whatever the in person plan is.  Because frankly I would be and I think that is why they are doing this so I know that she knows what I went through but I do not want her to go through it and some people are like yes you do but I don't.

So anyway it is so hot in my room, I can't stand it.  Tomorrow the Jacobi people will witness it.

Some people had an interesting discussion on my facebook page. I kept it up for now, I mean why not.

I thought of another thing to say if there is a rebuttal.  To say some people judge all that problem of evil stuff but have they done that much for people, often not really.

So anyway, have a good day everyone.

 

Refried Bean <smefird@gmail.com>	3:25 PM (0 minutes ago)
to Elizabeth

Hi Elizabeth, 

My room has been uncomfortable for a month. I think I should get three months of free rent because of the problems this year which were caused on purpose.

I also think I am being escalated but I take my medicine. I told Dr. Talreja I could not take the Latuda and needed to instead increase the risperdal. I have enough extra risperdal to increase and am taking my medicine as directed. The hospital switched doctors and I was totally honest with them about all my medicine. They left the latuda listed in order to make it seem like I was dishonest if they had to. 

That is the kind of stuff people do for power in my mental health system.  It is dishonest and abusive.  Karla is part of it and The Bridge does it too. 

All I can do is report it which I will keep doing and some people do believe me.

I think I should not be charged rent if you guys show your power by closing the gate unsafely, shutting down the elevator for a month, taking away air conditioning for two months, threatening lockout with pest control, leaving me out of community meetings, telling me to prepare for inspection and then skipping the appointment to show disrespect, lying to my face, and emotionally provoking me in order to try to reach my readers with trashy racism and abuse.

That is all I will say for now. There is something conspicuously missing which is accountability and compensation.

from Refried Bean

 Hello everyone, I paid two credit card bills. I think there are about three more that I should urgently pay but most can wait until Oct 31. And then the train ticket. I mean that is not that easy but I can do it. It is just that those credit one accounts were a close call and I am not sure. I might have recurring charge that is a problem. Hmm should I fix that, I think I should.

Well hmm that was a challenge but I think I am mostly okay for now. 505050, 100100100100, 200, ok, I think I will be okay at the end of the month but I am forgetting the affirms and amazon card. They never sent me that Icee Bear jacket but I will email them after it is paid for.

It is okay if I wait until tomorrow to go to the post office. I made coffee and have one more serving of milk and then I need to buy milk. Will I do a grocery order, I do not know. Should I cook the ground beef. I just think I am tired right now and don't feel that good. Does anyone have any thoughts.

There is something kind of funny.

Ok let's think about these facebook posts. I think a weakness in the cereal post is that it says book and then that makes the cereal box seem like it could be a book for a second.  But possibly it is okay. I think mostly it is good that I had another one like that for America.  But I will send it to India too sometimes hopefully.

Pals.  My posts on my page. I think it is fine. Should I have said something that extreme about the gloves. Well I do not know but I have had a lot of questionables this year.

Anyway should I address a book and then go to starbucks. Well I do not know. I think the theme is no because of the credit card close call.

Pals.  The SCBWI conference.  Is it going to be in NYC. If it is then I will go though I might stay at my hotel instead of their hotel but I would stay for two days instead of one so I would not have a bag.

Ok it is going to be in NYC. Because there are publishing house tours. I do not think I will do that.

Gice. Some people disagree with my extremes but I do believe in force. And I think there has been limited wisdom about that so I do say it sometimes and sometimes it seems out of place or weird but I felt I need to share that with people who think they are above it when they aren't.  And their culture does other violence that they think doesn't count.