Anyway also tonight I went to Toastmasters and loved it.  I think I have to apply to be in the group permanently and it costs 60 dollars.  Well that is worth it if they accept me. I need to read about it some more but I think I will like it a lot.

Something made me laugh at Toastmasters which is there was a guy there who reminds me of one of my rabbit children's book characters.  And it really cracked me up like nothing else has in years.

I mean the comedy of it.  And it reminds me of when I went to the blessing of the animals with my guinea pig named Fred and I felt emotional.  I think that some of my mind is just with animals and that is where I can have normal feelings. I mean think about how my fiction handicap wasn't a problem when I wrote about the mice. Like there was a real story arc instead of a joke form wit structure.

So anyway, I need to google some more stuff and mentally prepare to have some kind of show of forgiveness.  Because I did feel a supernatural lack of anger towards Karla and Daniella. I mean they have done a lot for me but this elevator drama is really bad. I could call the New York Post about it and might.

But it is serious and yet I feel very far away from saying G.D. or anything like that.  I don't feel as loving towards the other 30 bullies that I interacted with to recover from the stairwell disease, but I also don't feel that hateful.  But they will turn up in writing.  Possibly a list of Goofuses and Gallants for the Bronx Civil Social page. Hmm I think that is a good idea.

 Hello everyone, this is Refried. It is Tuesday, July 14. At 10:45 I have a doctors appointment.  I think that I have recovered from the paronychia. However I did not feel good today and had a slight headache in the afternoon and I wonder if I caught something else from the hospital or Walgreens or City MD.

I talked to a nice person at the Bridge today and told them I did not want to do a lawsuit but felt that I deserved a rent discount if they are going to keep the elevator off.  I told them that it was cheating and probably meant as retaliation for when I reported them about the air conditioning.  

It was a nice person and I felt like our conversation was the truth and I did not feel offended and run over by power hungry racism.  And honestly that is enough for me.  Like your housing abuses you, you report it, and someone takes you seriously. That is a lot, and I don't think it was just to avoid legal problems.

Anyway I am staying inside a lot probably for these heat wave days unless I have to be hospitalized for whatever this new thing is.  Possibly the issue today was either low iron or an interaction between my iron pill and the antibiotic.  But I actually am suspecting something else.  However it is not an exact match for descriptions online.  

I will ask about it tomorrow. I think I will feel relieved. 

I think I have to tap into some religion to get through all this. Stuff I don't usually rely on like ideas about God's plan, predestination from a billion years ago, and God being in total control. 

I mean honestly there are some weird things about it.  Like the wound from the drained paraonychia is an exact mirror image of my scar from when I was in high school and this guy cut part of my finger off when I defended the paper dolls that I had made. 

 I think something interesting is that Barnes and noble minimized the mental health factor because that made them allowed to treat me worse but in housing and hospitals maximizing the mental health makes me be less believable. Also the south kind of considered me manic depressive because it needs fewer accommodations and the north really likes schizo because it allows them to not believe my reports. Just whatever keeps me at a disadvantage. I will be gone so soon. Just a few years. Some people won’t believe that either even after I am gone.

 So here are two comments from my facebook page, interesting how enthusiastically they add their hate to the situation. It makes you wonder what factors make them so supportive of the abuser without knowing the facts.

 I think what is going to most hurt my housing program in court is how they accommodate people’s illegal drug use but can’t accommodate someone getting to the fourth floor on an elevator that is part of the building. Like we can afford to pay someone 60 thousand dollars to teach people how to properly do crystal meth but we can’t afford the electricity for the elevator this month.

 Hello everyone, this is Refried. I had to carry my groceries up the stairs because of no elevator. It is taking four or five trips but a nice guy named Josiah offered to help and he carried the heavy water in exchange for a ten pack of coke minis. It was a good deal and positive exchange. Now I am resting and going downstairs soon to bring up the milk, other cokes, and two carts.

a long sentence

 Hello everyone, this post is probably going to be linked to my new Bronx Civil Social facebook page where I report the abuse and harassment that is happening to me in NYC but especially the Bronx.

Yesterday I had a bad nurse at the Er and a tablet worker who sent my medicine to the wrong place, probably deliberately. So then I had to have a new appointment at City MD and I felt like it worked out because he was an awesome doctor who fixed the thing that the other place did not fix. But the nurse there did my blood pressure about 8 times, always having to do that thing where they make it too tight because supposedly it did not succeed at getting your blood pressure. I mean it took like ten minutes and I believe it was on purpose as the very frequent abuse I get from nurses at these places. A lot of times it is when they take blood and they act like they can’t find the vein and they try several times and start digging around your arm. I left one hospital without getting treatment once because of it.

I believe it is meant as racial activism but in cases like this appointment yesterday, especially when it is just two of us in a room, it becomes pretty sickly abusive. Like to me, not just a fireable offense but criminal. Medical people deliberately harming patients in their professional role.

This person didn’t know me, but hated me immediately enough to just put me in pain as much as possible for as long as possible in a little room while I waited to see the doctor. Just me and the abuser in a room, like when Dr Brown molested me as a kid. You’re in great company, city Md nurse at westchester sq. Like the waiting room is almost empty, you’ll see 8-10 people today, “hmm I think I’ll abuse this one as my little private game.” It’s really on psychiatric levels and yet wow there are a lot of people doing that right now, aren’t there. When hospitals realize it isn’t popular anymore, you will find yourself in jail.

 I have reported this stuff before. I mean this ten minute abuse session yesterday with the blood pressure. What a bad person. And how some people think they are being “part of history.” 

I believe it is stuff like this that caused the better parts of social justice to fail. Some people were dirty hypocrites to the point of criminal abuse, and everyone knows it.

And yet there are also people who really believe I should just be a sport and let her abuse me. Like I have mental illness and kind of deserve to be bullied by five health people because I have an injury that needs treatment. A bad pharmacy, a bad hospital, a bad neighborhood, bad cops, all of it in my face as an insult, with two more random criminals interfering in my walk home, too.

it’s a cowardly war from worthless bums who actually could have had a lot going for them if mobs of people just like them hadn’t decided to tear up everyone’s life like monsters from the hell where they are on their way to live forever.