Hello everyone,  I walked to Starbucks. I ordered a joke book for the manager. It will get there tomorrow probably. I am glad I took a walk. Every walk helps. I am writing a lot because I have hypergraphia but really it is not as bad as it can be sometimes.  When I have a spell, it is awesome.  This is just mildly excessive.

Was that other post weird? Some of the people at starbucks were kind of weird but it is okay. It made me think of a joke for my comedy routine.  

Gice when will I do another comedy class, I do not know.

I called my mom today and told her I sent her a birthday present.  

The medicaid people have given me another chance to mail in paperwork. I will fill it out and take it to the office in person. I am sad because I did well with the other paperwork and it is not fair.  They lost it.  I I make a mistake it is perjury but they are allowed to pretend that they did not receive it.

I think I will watch some Disney movies now.

 Hello everyone, please pardon the frequent blog posts.  I just ate some hash brown potatoes with cheese and sour cream and it was great.  And I drank sparkling grape juice.  It was like a holiday meal.

I also sent a text to a friend who fell, and her two kids, which are pretty much my age. It was weird because I cut my thumb a little bit on the aluminum foil on the grape juice and that reminded me to send a message.  Another thing that is weird is I always used to pray for that same person years a long time ago as a mentally ill person and I would imagine how had she cut her hand on a knife during another fall.  And just an hour ago I found out that Swiss Colony where my favorite holiday gifts are from used to be the company called Montgomery Ward, which I also used to pray for retroactively in a mentally ill way. I used to pray for that store all the time, from my memory, even though it was gone. Like the store had closed ten years before I started praying for everyone there. I pray for that mall still and JB White department store. 

So that is interesting, probably tmi, but some of my mental illness prayer life is actually better than the way I always talk about prayer too much now. But it is an interesting thing that has happened and I wish I could help more praying people see what potential there is for a life defining prayer habit.  I mean it is so fun, and it can help people you have no access to and never will. 

So anyway I feel much better today, and am happy about the memes.  Really it is very finite what I have shared this year, and I could not have done it without the support of several hundred thousand people online.  Their witness might even be stronger and braver, so that is a cool sign of how God works.

Anyway, that is enough. That is what I was just talking about, was yapping too much.

I mean the thing about praying for Mrs. Jackson is not that weird, but it was on my mind as out of the ordinary because something happened with our youth group which was that it faded some after a youth director left, and my friend Taryn actually wrote me and was sad about it, and then our later interactions were when I visited her after her dad died, and her mom visited me after I had a manic episode.  And I haven't done that many church visits like that, and it is just interesting. I mean what does it mean. It overlaps with the mission trips that I was persecuted out of, yet possibly had my share already.

So anyway, the dream about my sister was good and I need to ask myself if I stress her out erroneously.  I think some of it is her perception and narrative. And I did what I was supposed to.  But I know I have paranoia now about all of my real sufferings and persecutions.  So that is interesting.  It is a topic I am interested in, is how psychosis tells the truth.

Well, that is all everyone, just when you thought this blog is always a play by play of normal eatings and sleepings. Thanks everyone. You guys think I pray for everyone but you but it is not true okay.

 Hello everyone, today is Sunday, Nov 16. I missed church today and a meeting.  Possibly if I had decided not to miss the meeting then I would have been up for church. I think I will go to my evangelical church online and feel okay. I am making some coffee right now. I had good dreams this morning where my sister was helping me and then I quit my mental health program and I was at the beach and a hippo and rhino swam with me and I saw capybaras in the ocean, too, and then I went to some kind of ministry in an old house and I kept breaking doorknobs and was a conspicuous visitor and had to crawl out a delivery dock to get out.  I felt cared about and it was a good dream.  Then I woke up and had missed my meeting but I already decided I could not go but what I didnt expect was to be too late and tired for church.

I think it will be okay. 

My facebook posts are doing much better and I will probably be at 1.2 mil after all.  So they are increasing the reach later on and I can't estimate at the beginning. I knew that but still have ups and downs about it.

It does matter to me to be able to feel like the posts were successful. I mean sometimes there is an obedience factor like I need to get it right.

I am glad I have now shared my two eternal life posts.  Possibly the christ died for sinners post will be another challenge but I know it is a good post. I do not know about the christ forgives sins post. I mean it is okay but I do not know if it is really good enough but it is probably fine.

I can feel how these facebook friends need good posts.  How worth it that this hobby is. It helps people. I will not delude myself about what is at stake, but I think it does help with true evangelism.

So anyway I think I will make potatoes soon.  And maybe some eggs, and eat some cereal.  Maybe I will eat the cereal before the potatoes. I could do pancakes too but I think that is not necessary.

Well, that is all everyone, sorry to miss church but it feels like it had to be this way.

 Hello everyone, this is Refried. It is 11 pm on Nov 15. I am doing okay. I had a solitary day today except for two phone calls and a zoom.  Other than that, I mostly created new ai images. I wasn't planning to but I did about 7-8 new images, maybe even 10. One is really funny and is a blob nativity scene.

The memes I sent around are good and I think I will be at a cool mil by the end of it. But it is not a guarantee.  These numbers are only okay. I did a meme that is mostly text like my jokes and I think it is doing okay.  Sometimes I have two easy strong posts and this time I only have one post like that and it is not doing as well as I expected. I do not know why.  Possibly it will pick up but I think it will be 500k at the end of it and I did a higher budget for it so I expected about 200k more than that.  It is a big difference so my mood is not as good while these posts are running.  But actually the past few times have started slow and sped up later, and I usually go past a cool mil when I do three posts.

I felt the bad feeling earlier but not that bad.  It went away after a while and I think I can be okay.  I am planning to try to go to church tomorrow. I think I will miss the meeting for queer kid lit.  I just have to be on the train at that time.

I did not eat that well today. I think I ate too many snacks when maybe I should have cooked rice again. I need to wash the dishes in the fridge and make some casseroles. Or I could cook hash browns. I could actually still cook some hash browns. Maybe I will do that and feel better.

I am worried about the medicaid thing.  It is a big deal for it to not have gone through and I have been waiting all this time for a decision when they did not even have my renewal packet.  But I think some thing went wrong. I am not going overdo it with trusting God and not idolizing health insurance. I think I am going to let myself freak out a little bit and try to get it fixed. I think the service I got on the phone was really bad and it made me believe that I was part of the problem when I wasn't.  Anyway I heard a good law firm is Bender and Bender.

My facebook friends really cheered me up this week with a lot of support on my inspection post. I was not expecting that.  My content that I share from other pages does not do as well. I do not really know why but I have enough encouragement. 

Well, that is all. It was kind of a weird day. 

 Hello everyone, this is Refried. Today is Saturday, Nov 15. I am sending around some posts and I feel good about it.  I did two posts that have been on my page for a while, and one new post from today. It is an interesting process and I have learned a lot.

I had a good experience watching a movie last night with some friends. I actually only listened to the movie but I saw something in my mind and was content with my life. It was a documentary about a poet.

Today was not as excellent of a food management day but I did well in that I did not spend any money on food.  Last night I ordered the christmas present for my sister's family. It is possible that I will keep it and order them something separate.

I think I will watch some Disney movies on youtube. Then maybe I will do some more memes.

Well, thanks everyone, have a great day.

Hello everyone, today is Friday, Nov 14. I had a good day except for the Medicaid problem. I am distraught that my paperwork did not get there.  My case manager and housing director think it is them.  So it probably got there and wasn't processed and someone thought it was okay to just say it didn't get there.  My therapist thinks it will work out.  I asked them if I could redo it and they are mailing it to me and I am taking it to the office.  The worker on the phone was young and didn't care and didn't care to believe me either that I of course had done it when I said I had and that the person I talked to in the office should have told me that they had not received it.  The case also didn't show up in their app that I have, and the fact that they use the mail system is also a possible problem.  So that is three or four things that are all them.  I don't have much proof but could probably get video footage of me mailing it. I will tell them that when I go to the office.

I am cooking some rice right now because I have a can of gravy that I used on rice the other day.  It was yummy so I will have another similar meal.  And I made a grilled cheese sandwich, actually two. And I ate some blackberries.  And earlier I ate three eggs and cheerios.  So I am using groceries and this day alone catches me up on really a year of poor food management. It could have been worse and been more expensive but actually I did keep it cheap.

I had a good grocery trip today and will keep walking far to that store.  It is not that far and I need the exercise. So how many groceries did I use today: gravy, cheerios, cheese, mayonnaise, bread, eggs, butter, blackberries, gushers,  coffee, sugar, rice.  I thought about eating beans, too, but all in good time.  That is twelve groceries that I used up today.  That is really doing the best I can. I also ate pudding but I did not want to make the number be 13. I am going to just pour most of the gravy into all the rice and not use the rice for other things like cheesy rice or something.

I mean maybe I am wrong and I should do some cheesy rice and some gravy rice. 

I just have to write on this blog a lot because it is meaningful to me and sometimes I share it.  But facebook doesn't share links successfully because they want all the traffic to stay on their page.  But I got 300 views, which is what the secret lawyers advised.

Thanks everyone for the conspiracy. I am going to try to handle this insurance thing well and live my life without obsessively trusting and worshipping medicaid. If I lose it then I probably still have medicare. And I have a couple of months worth of medicine and could titrate down if there was an emergency. I think I have to see losing insurance as a let this cup pass from me thing and then take a share of suffering.

I am excited because a movie that I thought I missed last week is tonight, so hopefully I can watch it.

I miss Ravneet.  She has been talking to me a lot and it is very fun.

Well have a good day everyone.

 Hello everyone, this is Refried. It is Friday, Nov 14. My friend who is a doctor sent me a message saying she is worried about me. So I called her and told her about my new problem of the medicaid packet not getting there.  My case manager says she thinks the packet did probably get there and medicaid messed it up because of the shutdown problems.  I think she might be right.  Possibly it did get lost though, and I do not have proof of sending it.  That is my stupidity.  The only documentation I have is a missed day of PHP when I went to the medicaid office, and a fed ex office transaction for one of the documents that I mailed.  

Other than that I never heard from them and they should have told me when I went in person that they did not have the paperwork. This is one of the worst problems I have ever had.  It seems like I did not do what I was supposed to but I did.  Maybe they lose it on purpose to see if you lie and say a different budget when you fill it out again. But my paperwork could not have been more straightforward and honest. It is really horrible that it is not there.  I think it is really horrible if it is a different problem and they are pretending they didn't get it. I mean what do you do.

Anyway I paused the facebook ad.  I do not know if I reached enough facebook friends.  I am aware that I can't really reach people in the USA, even if they are my facebook friends and followers. So I need to accept that those blessings got taken away. Huge chunks of things I worked for are gone, and that is my life, and all kinds of bad things happen in the world.  So now I and others will be some of those people who did the best we could but things didn't go well.

I think that other post was interesting and I do not regret sharing it but I have spent enough on it and reached plenty of people.

I just don't think I will suddenly have an income and be able to sign up for Fidelis insurance as hoped for before.

I sent an email to my therapist. I might have said too much in the email. At one pm I might go to a Nami group. And then Hearing Voices at 3:30, or maybe the employment support group.  I was going to go to the grocery store but I don't know if I am strong enough.  What do you gice think.  Sunday I want to go to my church downtown. So that leaves today for the grocery store. I mean should that be what I do at 3 pm.  Maybe. It is kind of a far walk but reminds me of Nagle avenue days.

Does anyone have any thoughts? Any secret messages are appreciated.