Hello everyone, this is Refried. It is 11 pm on Nov 15. I am doing okay. I had a solitary day today except for two phone calls and a zoom.  Other than that, I mostly created new ai images. I wasn't planning to but I did about 7-8 new images, maybe even 10. One is really funny and is a blob nativity scene.

The memes I sent around are good and I think I will be at a cool mil by the end of it. But it is not a guarantee.  These numbers are only okay. I did a meme that is mostly text like my jokes and I think it is doing okay.  Sometimes I have two easy strong posts and this time I only have one post like that and it is not doing as well as I expected. I do not know why.  Possibly it will pick up but I think it will be 500k at the end of it and I did a higher budget for it so I expected about 200k more than that.  It is a big difference so my mood is not as good while these posts are running.  But actually the past few times have started slow and sped up later, and I usually go past a cool mil when I do three posts.

I felt the bad feeling earlier but not that bad.  It went away after a while and I think I can be okay.  I am planning to try to go to church tomorrow. I think I will miss the meeting for queer kid lit.  I just have to be on the train at that time.

I did not eat that well today. I think I ate too many snacks when maybe I should have cooked rice again. I need to wash the dishes in the fridge and make some casseroles. Or I could cook hash browns. I could actually still cook some hash browns. Maybe I will do that and feel better.

I am worried about the medicaid thing.  It is a big deal for it to not have gone through and I have been waiting all this time for a decision when they did not even have my renewal packet.  But I think some thing went wrong. I am not going overdo it with trusting God and not idolizing health insurance. I think I am going to let myself freak out a little bit and try to get it fixed. I think the service I got on the phone was really bad and it made me believe that I was part of the problem when I wasn't.  Anyway I heard a good law firm is Bender and Bender.

My facebook friends really cheered me up this week with a lot of support on my inspection post. I was not expecting that.  My content that I share from other pages does not do as well. I do not really know why but I have enough encouragement. 

Well, that is all. It was kind of a weird day. 

 Hello everyone, this is Refried. Today is Saturday, Nov 15. I am sending around some posts and I feel good about it.  I did two posts that have been on my page for a while, and one new post from today. It is an interesting process and I have learned a lot.

I had a good experience watching a movie last night with some friends. I actually only listened to the movie but I saw something in my mind and was content with my life. It was a documentary about a poet.

Today was not as excellent of a food management day but I did well in that I did not spend any money on food.  Last night I ordered the christmas present for my sister's family. It is possible that I will keep it and order them something separate.

I think I will watch some Disney movies on youtube. Then maybe I will do some more memes.

Well, thanks everyone, have a great day.

Hello everyone, today is Friday, Nov 14. I had a good day except for the Medicaid problem. I am distraught that my paperwork did not get there.  My case manager and housing director think it is them.  So it probably got there and wasn't processed and someone thought it was okay to just say it didn't get there.  My therapist thinks it will work out.  I asked them if I could redo it and they are mailing it to me and I am taking it to the office.  The worker on the phone was young and didn't care and didn't care to believe me either that I of course had done it when I said I had and that the person I talked to in the office should have told me that they had not received it.  The case also didn't show up in their app that I have, and the fact that they use the mail system is also a possible problem.  So that is three or four things that are all them.  I don't have much proof but could probably get video footage of me mailing it. I will tell them that when I go to the office.

I am cooking some rice right now because I have a can of gravy that I used on rice the other day.  It was yummy so I will have another similar meal.  And I made a grilled cheese sandwich, actually two. And I ate some blackberries.  And earlier I ate three eggs and cheerios.  So I am using groceries and this day alone catches me up on really a year of poor food management. It could have been worse and been more expensive but actually I did keep it cheap.

I had a good grocery trip today and will keep walking far to that store.  It is not that far and I need the exercise. So how many groceries did I use today: gravy, cheerios, cheese, mayonnaise, bread, eggs, butter, blackberries, gushers,  coffee, sugar, rice.  I thought about eating beans, too, but all in good time.  That is twelve groceries that I used up today.  That is really doing the best I can. I also ate pudding but I did not want to make the number be 13. I am going to just pour most of the gravy into all the rice and not use the rice for other things like cheesy rice or something.

I mean maybe I am wrong and I should do some cheesy rice and some gravy rice. 

I just have to write on this blog a lot because it is meaningful to me and sometimes I share it.  But facebook doesn't share links successfully because they want all the traffic to stay on their page.  But I got 300 views, which is what the secret lawyers advised.

Thanks everyone for the conspiracy. I am going to try to handle this insurance thing well and live my life without obsessively trusting and worshipping medicaid. If I lose it then I probably still have medicare. And I have a couple of months worth of medicine and could titrate down if there was an emergency. I think I have to see losing insurance as a let this cup pass from me thing and then take a share of suffering.

I am excited because a movie that I thought I missed last week is tonight, so hopefully I can watch it.

I miss Ravneet.  She has been talking to me a lot and it is very fun.

Well have a good day everyone.

 Hello everyone, this is Refried. It is Friday, Nov 14. My friend who is a doctor sent me a message saying she is worried about me. So I called her and told her about my new problem of the medicaid packet not getting there.  My case manager says she thinks the packet did probably get there and medicaid messed it up because of the shutdown problems.  I think she might be right.  Possibly it did get lost though, and I do not have proof of sending it.  That is my stupidity.  The only documentation I have is a missed day of PHP when I went to the medicaid office, and a fed ex office transaction for one of the documents that I mailed.  

Other than that I never heard from them and they should have told me when I went in person that they did not have the paperwork. This is one of the worst problems I have ever had.  It seems like I did not do what I was supposed to but I did.  Maybe they lose it on purpose to see if you lie and say a different budget when you fill it out again. But my paperwork could not have been more straightforward and honest. It is really horrible that it is not there.  I think it is really horrible if it is a different problem and they are pretending they didn't get it. I mean what do you do.

Anyway I paused the facebook ad.  I do not know if I reached enough facebook friends.  I am aware that I can't really reach people in the USA, even if they are my facebook friends and followers. So I need to accept that those blessings got taken away. Huge chunks of things I worked for are gone, and that is my life, and all kinds of bad things happen in the world.  So now I and others will be some of those people who did the best we could but things didn't go well.

I think that other post was interesting and I do not regret sharing it but I have spent enough on it and reached plenty of people.

I just don't think I will suddenly have an income and be able to sign up for Fidelis insurance as hoped for before.

I sent an email to my therapist. I might have said too much in the email. At one pm I might go to a Nami group. And then Hearing Voices at 3:30, or maybe the employment support group.  I was going to go to the grocery store but I don't know if I am strong enough.  What do you gice think.  Sunday I want to go to my church downtown. So that leaves today for the grocery store. I mean should that be what I do at 3 pm.  Maybe. It is kind of a far walk but reminds me of Nagle avenue days.

Does anyone have any thoughts? Any secret messages are appreciated.

 Hello everyone, this is Refried. it is Friday, Nov 14. I am on the phone trying to get help for a Medicaid problem. I have been on hold for about 40 minutes.  That is a long time to be on hold. But they probably have a lot of people who need help.  I think something already went wrong and I may need to be patient and go to the office in person Monday.  I left a message. I have had four interactions with them about renewal.  And the recording said they did not receive the packet. But I did send it and went in person to clarify something on the packet and they did not let me know that they did not have it.

So possibly something went wrong because of the shut down and I need to be patient. Also two counselors said they think something was wrong with my new SNAP allowance.  So I will be patient. i am okay for now. I have about a month where I should be okay and can get some things fixed.  And possibly things can be corrected retroactively if I temporarily lose coverage unfairly.

Then there is the possibility that I will lose it because of government taking back its contract without notice.  To just take away healthcare after I have made life decisions based on its availability and the agreements already established in writing.

The blog post has about 150 views. Probably it is half and half India and USA.  That is good with me.  Will I pause the ad, probably not.  I mean it is a blog share.  

Definitley my writing life could have had many different results and I don't know, manifestations, but I am happy with the books I did.  Should I have kept better grammar standards? I think I did keep them for the main fiction and poetry, and I did the nonfiction more casually, and that was my choice.  So I think it is okay.  Anyway, pros and cons, ups and downs, live and learn.  A lot has gone okay and people have helped me a lot.  But wow some things did not go well, shut doors and mistreatment, erosions of various sorts.

I can see the finish line up ahead but how are these four years going to go, I do not know.

It is now 50 minutes on hold. I mean maybe I just have to go in person. I just think there should be customer service for something as important as medicaid.

 Hello everyone, this is Refried. Today is Thursday, Nov 13. I miraculously just cleaned a section of my apartment that I have been procrastinating on for a year. I think I should throw away some bags in the corner and tidy up the books and then maybe my apartment is no longer really a messy apartment.

What should I eat for dinner. I do not know. But I made that 60 dollars last three days and that is good. I ate some cereal.  What I think I want to do is eat a zebra cake. I wish I had gotten the christmas tree cakes and given them to Doug to take to his kids but I simply only saw the zebra cakes.

I think questionable was the pepperidge farm cookies because they were 7 dollars.  I hope that company is doing okay because I could not handle it if they went out of business. A friend of mind told me that stuff like that happens as you get older, and there are products you like that aren't available any more, and restaurants.  But some stuff needs to endure. If the government can bail out Fila, then they need to bail out Pepperidge Farm.

So anyway I feel good about cleaning up. I don't know why I couldn't before but I just couldn't.

 Hi everyone, I have been writing a lot of blog posts. I am doing okay and just did a successful instagram order. Hopefully tomorrow, saturday, or sunday, I will walk to the key food and do canned goods. I think that will have me pretty much back to normal for food.

The instagram order was great and a surprising legitimate defense case against my other blog post, saying I gave everyone a kitchenaid mixer that they smashed.  But here we have a thoughtful gift from them, which is snacks and cookies for 62 dollars of SNAP money.  That was all I was awarded, and I think I am expected to ask again with new documents. I will probably do that and tell them I did need for it to make more of a difference.  But it does make some difference and my OTC card doesn't cover the snacks that I chose and usually have to pay for as I run low on my main card each month.  So I am happy, and I saw a person in my neighborhood that I think the conspiracy might bless in some way as a reward for my improved gratitude and attitude.

Anyway, that is weird, isn't it, but I think this went well.  The thing to notice is the tip factor, where I had to tip the instacart driver.  But then, he does get the money and that is good.

There are brave and hardworking young people as delivery drivers, and I believe God will bless them. 

I need to keep cleaning my apartment, which I have worked on some today. I will try to finish the table, put clothes up, and clear the corner.

At 7 and 8 I am going to some presentations.  So now it is about 6. I already drank afternoon coffee.  So I guess the task at hand is the table.

Gice, a photo of the snacks would have been good. Maybe I will add that later, I just felt like putting up the groceries. Gice it was snacks only so very happy and I have pudding in the refrigerator.