Gice that worldly monk post was good, wasn't it? I mean not the best ever but still pretty interesting.

It is 3:23. Do you gice think I should take my medicine? Tomorrow I go to NCB and then downtown to get my rent check. And I will post my link to the review. It is weird how I feel like sharing the negative reviews, isn't it? Well my therapist said they were good reviews.

Pretty funny. I could cry because of how much I am going to miss the kirkus people. I mean maybe I will have the cash for more reviews some day and it will start to be funny.

There are a lot of writers out there, everyone. Good writers and past minority voices who deserve a whole age and time period.  But still anyone should be able to do well if they want to and work hard. 

Anyway I am doing okay. I wonder what time my appointment is tomorrow.

Gice I am so happy to be a children's book writer. And they have been very generous with words that mean funny.  So maybe that was the thing.  To not say creative but to say funny.  This time they said Wacky like I suggested in one of those blog posts. Pretty funny. I feel like I hurt my donut novel friend when I said they were a weak reader but I just questioned why they didn't see the strong plot but they were referring to the rambling and had to say something.

Anyway I thought of what to say on my post. I am going to say, "Thanks for supporting my comedy, everyone. To be honest, it probably won't improve very much. Here is my probably last kirkus review. If anyone has any problems with it, you can talk to my lawyer, whose name is Tristan R."

 I just feel that if what has happened with my career, times 5, can happen, then there is no reason to think I won't be beaten to death in my neighborhood on any given day.  Or more likely, one of the hospitals.

But maybe the dream I had is telling me something, which is that the good thing already happened, and that was writing the books.  And God did protect that and preserve that and for some reason there is a chicken curse on my paycheck life and relationship status. What is the third thing, is it church?

I mean wow I guess that is on the table, too.  But a lot of people have really been friends with me and they believe what they believe and have their reasons.

I think with that conference in question that my posts might be good for a slide show but maybe no speaker role or attendance. I am going to email steven that.

 Pals, I got my third kirkus review.  I liked it but they were hard on me again.  But their choices of what to highlight were really funny and clever. I mean it is really funny what they did. It was kind of like that with donut novel too.  I don't know what to think about the sparkity bonkins book except that I was mostly happy with it and that was the most positive.  And yet something is wrong because these other two books were better and I know it and I think they know it.  

Weirdly I had a dream right before I checked email for the actual review, and I dreamt that I was in my room in Greenville where I wrote this book, and I had a hardcover small copy with small print, jsut the kind of books I like, and I got a video where they told me I got a star.  And I called my friend Liz Leverton and told her I missed Catherine and then I emailed my teacher named Ellen.

But about that, I feel that Nance and Trinie should also hear about the review if I tell people about it.  But I am not rushing.  I mean maybe I could still send Ellen an email first because she was me thesis advisor.

Anyway I am happy because they treated the book as a children's book. I just think they are thoughtful people who care about how the review can come across and help sell the book. And yet I just think a more positive approach would be appropriate when the authors pay and this is their main professional reading.

I get how it is kind of a compliment to hold it to a standard of classics and then say how it really does fall short.  I mean I can see the value of it. It reminds me of how I felt in English classese in high school, where I did see the elements of major works that were just philosophically off, and I loved being a critic. But I also am aware of the positives of my books that could have been highlighted instead of the worst that can be said. I mean why pay 400 dollars for the worst that can be said.

 Hello everyone, this is Refried. It is Monday, June 22 at 6:33 pm. I made an awesome spaghetti casserole and the secret is to add too much cream cheese.  It was yummy.  That is the main thing you do for a good casserole is add sour cream and cream cheese to the noodles and then put the spaghetti sauce over it.  Something else interesting is that I did not have tomato sauce so I used tomato soup and stewed tomatoes.  And it was fine.

I think I found the lawyer of choice for my constructive dismissal case.  I do not want to travel, though.  I mean maybe that is the point is that I can do everything by zoom.  I am just sad because it is going to cost 350 dollars for the consultation.  And you know what, I just absolutely think that it should.  

I had a good meeting with my entertainment lawyer named Tristan last week.  It is just what I needed.  He advised me on something that is kind of hard for me to do. I just can't let go of some of my writing decisions. But I see his point about the particular thing.  I mean it is kind of funny though, because the main thing I was worried about wasn't really the issue.  And then I think there is this other defense I have that is kind of weak but might work if I decide to go against medical orders.

So anyway I feel mostly happy and content.  My new comedy page is doing well.  But I also see how I am goin to run out of videos.  But I can keep making phone videos and maybe do open mics sometime and get a friend to tape me.  And I can tape them too.  But the sound won't be great but what if it is okay.  I mean I don't know.  I still have about ten or fifteen other videos to post.

Wow that last one wasn't my best, was it.  But the jokes were good.  And then the green shirt one is kind of quiet and not that good.  The pink shirt one is pretty good, and the blue shirt. I mean I kind of like my innocent cute jokes best but the zinger sharp up to date extreme material has its value too.

Anyway I have a meeting today at 7.  Did I miss any other meetings? Did I miss my new toastmaster meeting? I am so excited about doing speeches like that. It just formed in my mind the other day, how I had stuff to say, and I signed up and I hope I don't forget it.

I had such a good time at my Mensa discussion today. Wow they were nice and we all said interesting things.  It was funny because I was trying to estimate people's IQ and Rich said he liked hallmark movies and I was like hmm 130. But I think he is the same as me.

 Gice what I mean in my next post is that I feel like I got called out of a certain church ministry role and out into the world and one of the main spiritual elements of that was to not care about what the church thought of me.  And I thought that was just for that time, a couple of years in college, but I think actually it has been accumulating for my whole life and may have a finale.  

And sometimes I feel it, the disapproval, seeing people post their families in reaction to anything I share that involves talent or worldly success.  And maybe I should be patient with it, because they have their calling too.  But what I find weird is when I read the letters of Paul and I am like hmm I am not sure that is the track I am on.  But I am really clicking with the Matthew stuff.  I mean I do not know what it means.  Because I think actually for a while I was an Old Testament friend. 

So anyway I could be wrong but I believe I have been on the right track and it is quite something.  I think I can stick up for myself without being weird and arrogant.  But I know I did what I was supposed to.  And there is something else in addition to the ungodliness aspects that I think are an outer shield of some kind.  There is my general messiness.  I mean it is exxagerated, hard to believe, to the pint of disability, the thoughts, the habits, the health, I mean all of it, as a gross person, it is like God did something literary to max out some kind of messiness and I have to say, dirt. I am like Pig Pen from the Peanuts. I mean I am.  And he was always my favorite one.  so I mean who knows. But it is a thing, I mean why not learn from it.

It is also weird if the liberals are not my "field" or "target," but my home base.  Like my mission is to a different population, but God transfered me to an already mostly legitimate liberal side of the church with a hundred million people involved.  Because I think as it happens, you would kind of expect them to be the constituents of some kind. And maybe people figured out that it isn't them, it is their kids, and I am simply a children's book author. Like I tried to be of service and I had a clear calling and complained a lot.

Well sorry about that, truly I apologize. 

So anyway, I can't believe I woke up at noon. I got a lot of sleep.  That is good, but I thought I would be up at about 8 and go downtown. So now I might wait until tomorrow. What am I going to eat today. Apple Jacks.

 Hello everyone, this is Refried. I just went to an online bible study and it was amazing. Maybe the best ever for some reason. Wow I just will be thinking about that story for a while.

Something else was interesting is that I was reading some of the new testament letters and I feel that I match all the descriptions of ungodliness. Like every single adjective applies to me.  I mean it is weird if this is a lifelong path and it is going to culminate in some finale of a wretched appearance.  Haha very funny, my bad videos.  But I mean maybe that is the thing. 

Wow that bible study was amazing. Wow, the parable of the lamps.  The reprobation involved.

So okay. There is something else interesting to me. In my life. Something to ponder. I guess read more.

So anyway.  The facebook page. The financials.  All I can say is God knows. He is aware of the situation and it is just a normal work issue. The fact that my budget is too tight but it is worth it to keep these ads going but I am going to ask my mom for help with several expenses but that doesn't mean it is wrong to finish what I started. 

I mean maybe there can be another wave of liberal and conservative reunion. Like the social justice movement, the hilary campaign, maybe another wave of reconciliation. 

I have to say something else that is totally ridiculous.  When I was a kid, I had an idea that maybe there was a bad earth version of earth where we each had a bad self there, and then, I don't know, either earth was our regular self or a good self.  Well what if that parable means that is true.  A foil for each person. Movies of ourselves as villains in heaven.  Actual channels and news stories from hell.

I mean I am kind of going on a tangent now but anyway it was very powerful. 

 Hello everyone, this is Refried. It is Sunday, June 21. I do not feel like walking right now. I am going to make some coffee instead of walking to the coffee shop. My new facebook page is doing well.  One of the videos has gotten 170 thousand views, really with about 17 thousand "thru-plays." But there are some in between plays in there too that include good jokes.  It is around 30 thousand thru plays for the whole page so far and that is literally like a thousand times the amount of people in the class shows.  Really maybe more like 800 times.  That is really worth it. And I am at 1.8k followers.  I kind of have mixed feelings about some aspects like cost, appearance, etc.  But I think mostly it is good for me to have a video page like that.  I actually am aware of the potential of phone videos. Like the selfie videos.  Am I right though?  Do I need to be doing a different kind of page where I journalism the stuff in my life? I am thinking no, stick with the comedy.

Not many trolls except I was not happy to see a mention of my teacher who I gave credit to in a video.  I literally did last initial and they looked him up and blamed me for some of his humor that is a different topic that I do not do.  I mean am I funneling that to India in a bad way? I think I am okay and just doing my thing. I hope everyone stays safe though. This also goes back to my awareness of destiny and how God ordained for that person to be my very excellent comedy teacher.  And how different we are.

So anyway, my hope is that this will be some good content food for the people who view it all. It is of a certain nature.  There is a juiciness to some of it.  Like me as a disabled, mentally ill person, my gendered appearance choices which could not be more organic and consistent, the christianity, the unboosted jokes, etc. What will be interesting is maybe after this boost if I can tolerate all the unshared stuff. I think it will be fine.

So anyway, my critique group. I did not do well for them this month but I am meeting with Janice today at 3 pm. I am aware too of how I did not give good critique on Jody's book on google docs but there was an issue with my internet for that, I did try about four times and couldn't, and I was also thrown off by her having to redo a lot. So I will try again, that is all I can do. I still have the glasses.