Hello everyone, this is Refried. It is Sunday, Oct 18 at 11:42 pm. I am eating a chicken and cheese sandwich.  That is good for me and I think I eat less sandwiches than the average person.

Anyway I might not post the two questionable memes at all. I mean maybe I will, but I think the feeling might pass and I can save it for another time. Possibly I will show a friend or two but maybe not.

So anyway I think this was a good creative burst and boost.  The memes are doing well in India and Africa, and I can pray for people and ask for forgiveness based on my awareness of the abuse happening.

One of my ads doesn't have good numbers and I really think it is bullcrap for facebook to give me an estimate and then the real numbers are a fourth of that. But I kind of think okay, if it starts out at 60-80 per dollar and increases as a continual ad, then maybe it is not that different from usual. So I will see how it goes. I mean I think it is something I won't pay that much attention to.

I don't think God is going to snootily say "I guess your ads didn't work," on Judgement Day. And then add that I wasn't blessed because of personal sin. I think that is what some people want to happen, but that is not it. I mean we know that, don't we, from the other supernatural aspects of all of it? And yet sometimes I am fooled and feel like crap.  But I think that is the thing I never fully learn is that God is not a crappy snooty snide snobby loser like a lot of people who have snubbed me.  I mean he will say their names someday and point out that he wasn't like them at all.

In about two hours I have to take my medicine. It will be fine. 

Well, that was an interesting adventure this weekend wasn't it? It was supposed to be a fun conference, but it became all about surviving more emotional abuse. The weird thing to me is God really doesn't like it so why are they doing it? He shows himself opposed to it every time. I mean what are you people thinking.

 I don't really know who reads this blog.  Some of the numbers could be bots. I think some mensa people read it sometimes. I just want to say that I think I am going to post the most questionable meme on this blog and not the facebook page. But I think I will post it. I think I will analyze it a little and discuss it. 

I am just warning everyone ahead of time that this is where I think I will share it. It is weird, because I thought it was going to be a batch of memes but they are going to be more scattered. I mean I had not planned to put that angel one on the Bronx page.  But I think possibly it goes well there.

So then the most extreme one will be on this blog, and that leaves two other ones. Hmm. I mean maybe do both the questionables on a blog post. And then I do think the other one can go on the jokes page and is more general topic. So that is interesting. Is this the right blog for it. Do I need to have a separate blog documenting the housing abuse? Should I have always done that instead of ruin my main blog? 

Hmm I do not know. Hmm. It is weird that possibly I always should have done that and I would have a career as a columnist kind of with a cool book of cool blog posts but I let the wrenching corrupt the channel. So hmm that might have been a mistake. I mean maybe it is not too late to recover.

That is a cool meme I just posted, isn't it. 

It could be very soon that I share those memes but I don't know for sure. I think I did get them right.

I think that the person eating the slur status is me or could be interpreted that way in both cases, and that is the point is how I am treated that way and it is criminal and disgraceful.

Walter said to document the escalation and there are already ADA laws against it.

Hello everyone, this is Refried. I did some ads on facebook. It was kind of weird, I hesitated and didn't have that feeling before about how obvious it was to do the God loves you post.  So I will just be patient. I mean maybe it is time for the books and the books is that.

I was listening to music I like on youtube and found that emmanuel video and I was like hmm is this the next algeria video.  and then I was like okay I think I will post one of the new four memes on that page.  Well that page I believe has spies from the bronx bullies.  So I might have been wrong.

So I have two book ads, one mouse post, and a cross post. I think that is good for now.

I might remove the angel post for now. Because I have a bad feeling. So what is the bad feeling from. It could be that. The bad feeling is a spiritual power. I mean I feel the spiritual powers when I am doing right. So maybe I should not assume that I am in trouble for it.

Hmm I do not know.  I just really felt I might as well go ahead and post it and not be like ok the four posts have to be together on a page.  And I don't feel that the motel looking thing belongs on the Bronx page. I think it belongs on the jokes page if at all. So hmm I do not know.

Anthony just knocked on my door and I told him not to jiggle the handle anymore.  I feel kind of bad because he thought I might give him more candy but instead it was a warning and that is depressing.  But last night was really unacceptable and it did cost me some stuff.  All that bad stuff yesterday, I mean there was no reason to have any of those interactions at all. It was like 6-7 problems and a general awareness of a more permanent problem that isn't supposed to be a problem.  I believe these people would be absolutely destroyed in court. For me to pay rent every month and be treated like a criminal for staying alive.  And for them to act like they help people and make me feel like I have a perpetual unsolved problem.

So anyway, that bad feeling is going away. I have no doubt whatsoever about the angel post except that I don't usually publicly curse.  But I have cursed a few times in my books, and I think that is a good word to use for this issue.

Anyway I have not been praying that much for several days. Can you guys tell when that is the case? It just really is like the Krispy Kreme thing. And just a reminder for the people who judge me for saying too much, there is this other struggle of being alive. And I think that is where God agrees with me to choose my battles.  And I am not a monster or dead. I am like a slouch and loser but am not wasting my life. And I think that is a good compromise.  And people can judge it but you would not be here. You would have been gone at 19. And possibly I should have.

 Ok everyone, I have four new memes and they are pretty good. I will probably share them later this week. Honestly it is not that easy for me to do some of this facebooking. But some of it is easy, and this is not that bad. I will just have to think about it some more. They could be posts that I don't boost or something.

There is some weird noise outside my door but I recognize some voices as nice people.

I think soon I might need to walk to Burger King and buy some milk from 7-11 and a whopper from Burger King or a piece of pizza.  

Does anyone have any opinions?

I think it is weird that this is why I was chosen for the conspiracy.  Couldn't we have just had some nice friendly jokes? 

But I think I see what the plan is.  I wrote the other stuff and the white evangelicals were supposed to get behind it and all of a sudden start reading.  But they didn't.  So the black people are going to like my stuff.  It seems like they wouldn't but they are going to like it.  So then it catches on. And then the literary people are like ok, well, we never really rejected you that bad. And in some ways they didn't.

And the social work people will be like, hey, no problem, we don't need credit for what we did, all in a days work, and if we did get credit, we'd be in jail.

 Ok I have another thing to say about the mistreatment I get as a mentally ill person in New York City. I mean maybe it is that status,  or maybe it overlaps with other stuff like race. But I think there are some people who say, "Now you know how we feel, and this is how we have been treated all along."  And I have to say, for most people I know, I think that is not true.  I mean I am not other people, so I can't say for sure, but I think that what most of my friends in my life have experienced as racism is more like how I got treated at church for mental illness and gender.  Like people were stupid, ignorant, selfish, and I did not get a good piece of normal existence because of it.  But this bullying in the Bronx is on another level.  It is a problem on criminal levels that compares to political historical persecutions and third world problems. Hmm that is another meme. Like maybe a Target being looted and make it like those old first world problems memes but say first world. The sharks are humping themselves right now, thinking they got some dirt on me.

I mean that was the genius of the conspiracy, for me to have thirty thousand abusers and then to walk into another snake pit at social work school of all places. 

But anyway I will just repeat it one more time, that I think this amount of abuse is not the same as how my own identity peers supposedly treated my "different identity" peers in South Carolina. Like white and black growing up. I think we had problems and failures, but I think there is something else that I am being targeted with that used to not have as much of a place in american life.

 Ok everyone, I missed a lot of my conference. That was the housing people's goal. To hurt my professional participation. I finished the meme I was making on my computer instead of on chat gpt. That is kind of a weird scenario. To not be able to type something in a personal chat program because you know you can't trust people. 

So anyway it turned out good enough on my computer. I will think of what to do with it. It could be an art therapy item.  I think it is good I still have some self control and inhibition.

I think some people support going whole hog with all of it. I really mostly don't. I just am aware of a population that isn't the target. Like it is the housing people, not the identity, and it can become confused with other people who are actually more like me. But that isn't what makes them innocent and bullied, necessarily, it is just that they are also the victims and not the abuser. 

I mean I am abused to just try to have a nice normal day yesterday and attend online presentations and cook some bacon and get some coffee and then I can't go to sleep in peace that night. That's bullcrap.

As far as who out of my friends will support the abusers over me, I don't think it is a certain group from growing up. I think it is some political people, and it could surprisingly be no one.  Like possibly literally everyone thinks I am being too quiet about it.

Anyway I think also you have to start questioning the case management of publishing people who have helped me, like whoever stewarded my true writing contribution.  Because maybe they shouldn't have waited until all my character was just tortured away so I become a slur machine and really nice poems just fade into the backgound of bullcrap cancel culture, mostly comprised of thoughtless, worthless trolls who have no read content themselves yet are allowed to waste my stuff that I spent twenty years on while being tortured by 30 thousand people then 60 thousand.

 Hello everyone, I thought of a graphic to do on chatgpt. It is very inappropriate but for some reason I feel differently about this than the other thing recently. It makes me wonder if I should be more accepting of the other thing.

But anyway I thought of another thing to say. About vengeance is mine sayeth the lord.  You know how there are those cherubim and seraphim chanting holy holy holy is the lord God almighty who was and is and is to come, and they chant it 24-7 or something like that?  Well how do you know there are not angels chanting something about what a piece of crap your enemy is in a similar way. 

So bad to say, and yet I feel that catapults me into being a theologian. I mean truly that is an interesting pondering and there really might be something to it. I won't personalize it in this post but I believe I will be revisiting this topic.