Hello everyone, this is Refried. I posted my book. I think possibly I need to say more about the CRC.  What threw me off was that it was Tennessee for that other thing and not Texas. So then that left an empty space that probably should be filled with something about the use of drugs and coercion.

I have been a little slow with this case. It is hard to believe about the essay punishment but no justice. I don't mean that in a way like I don't believe it. I mean that in a way like it is shockingly poor. But anyway I need to check on the botched execution case. Ok I just read the latest article. It is very sad to me. 

Anyway I just cooked those potato perogis and it is yummy. I am also watching the children's illustration piano music videos.  It is just great. I had a good daydream where I went to the hospital and my agent visited me, then two doctors were nice to me before I went to the TV room to eat a meal with Ravneet and four other people. One doctor, one friend from the pretend program, another doctor, and a volunteer friend. We ate potato pergogis and then hibachi steak and shrimp and scallops with white sauce and lemon butter sauce and possibly some A-1 mayo combo. Then we went to the other TV room for hot chocolate and games.  It was fun. I felt like I was really at the mental hospital.  

I do feel some addiction potential with the daydreaming but mostly I feel some impairment from low iron and whatever psych meds did. Like my attention span is compromised for daydreaming and I am lucky to have any social attachments in my mind at all. Depression and other conditions that reduce love feelings are very serious and the mental health people need to really figure out how to help everyone restore their brain's functioning instead of just sedating people and making it worse.

Anyway that is so bad to say the daydream but I think everyone's reputations are protected. Does anyone think it is funny? I kind of do. But some things are not funny like how everyone needs prayer and support right now.  Like the shuttle bus adventure made me more aware of people out there working. It is not freaking easy. It is not easy for anyone. The corporate people, the service professions, and all the people in poverty at night. It is just really a survival situation and it is going to get cold soon.

Does anyone have any opinions? I mean how is it different from making a movie or reality show. Well I do not know. Do people question my judgement? I don't. I feel so much better on less medicine.

 Pals I am sad to not be at the puppet show and I think I will have some regret about it but I really couldnt afford it and feel that a pace of staying in my neighborhood a lot actually does work for my current condition. So I am really sorry everyone, but I did enjoy crank yankers and I feel that it had to be this way. If I change my mind for tomorrow then I will try to get there somehow but I believe I feel torment in audiences and would be thinking thoughts about how it isn't that funny. Is that what you really want? 

Anyway, these are some of my best blog posts. I actually do think there are still some hints of disgruntledness in some places, but mostly it makes sense. 

Will I write that story about the FBI person. Well maybe. Does anyone have any thoughts? I kind of want a pizza. Do you guys think I should order a pizza? I mean I do not know. 

This is a fun VCFA event and very low effort and it did keep me company. So I think that was very thoughtful and I appreciate it. Well have a good day everyone.

 Ok everyone, I just looked up the exact date for literature event and did not see the names of the people I had in mind. RG, Esme W, T'nahesi, JH, and maybe one or two who I am forgetting. All of those I personally think could be twofers. But that is based on my own habit of conflation. Also I am reminded that I feel like we are in a flourishing time period of literature, or are completing one, and it could be good to have multiple winners for some of these big time awards. Like maybe five or so for each one. You think it would diminish it but maybe not. 

For this one, based on the list I just saw, I have to enthusiastically cast my vote for JK Rowling. And then say something so rude, which is that it would happily be for something that was "actually creative."  I really mean that as a genre label, but I think sometimes the genres that seem less strictly philosophical actually get underestimated. People are mad now because I implied that their books were one dimensional, but sorry, I just really like high concept literature.

So okay. I do not feel tortured by this topic. I feel like a normal writer who tries to be successful with various amounts of failure and greed mixed in.  I have to congratulate all the mental health people who helped me. Because this is a positive mental place to be and I am thankful. It took a lot of work from everyone. When I am a euthanasia client in NYC, it will be from avoiding medical pain and not from life despair.

 Hello everyone, this is Refried. I am going to take my medicine soon. I can't remember what all I have been thinking about but the most recent stuff is that it is Nobel Prize season.  Definitely when I wrote Horizon Cow, I saw a certain possible path, but things were shut down about ten steps ahead of any kind of contender status. One of my main interests was the evangelism opportunity of sharing christian humor with a more secular audience. I do not know how many people shared that goal and are actually sad to see such reinforcement of division instead. 

I feel very satisfied with the opportunities that did happen in that regard. I feel that people in India were nice to me and accepted a lot of my work very cheerfully. And that does heal my soul a lot.  And life in New York has had some consoling aspects to it, though I have to say I do still feel the loss here. 

I also feel able to see things as God's plan more, though I think some people have an erroneous view of this, where they gleefully think that God disqualified me from having a public career because he saw something unworthy in my heart. To me it is a really difficult thing to discern, but mainly I think the issue is that if that were the case, he probably wouldn't use torture as his main tool to prevent some kind of honorable life. And torture is what clearly happened and became a permanent health condition for me. Really, that is more likely to be from a darker, life opposing side of things. Possibly it is a higher honor to be identified by evil as a worthy target.  But really that happened very early on and was horrifically clear for about five years in my twenties.  I mean I do not know if any of us had ever seen a more clear Satanic assault on a mostly normal person.

Definitely a lot of people have been fooled by my circumstances, and many people hate me when I suggest that there is something conspicuously missing, which is any one of my five careers I qualified for. But I have to say that I believe what is missing is in fact, conspicuous. It is on the table in front of everyone, either to be recognized or denied.  And as people realize it and feel embarrassed, just know that you actually are also one of the crime victims from certain institutions that took their stand against me for whatever mysterious reason that I still don't know. The crime that happened did target millions of people who would have benefited socially and spiritually from some funny poems that share faith.  So you were in fact, wronged, but it is not by me. It was a very valuable thing that was ruined, which had the investment of multiple thoughtful communities, as well as the literary value of the work itself.  So actually it was a lot of people swindled, and possibly the whole "general public" of America. But there is something else that is as weird to figure out as why God would have a plan that involves a missing readership for funny books.  And that is that I kind of do feel that the people most hurt are the people who have chosen to bully me in front of the smaller remaining conspiracy.  You were caught in your racism and you lost my respect as well, which is actually something cool, whether you realize that or not. I think some people knew it when it was happening and armed themselves with lawyers who made my life a living hell. Well that choice, too, is why I have to question my guess that God does not use torture to achieve his true purposes. Because wow you're all a bunch of child abusers who deserve to be humiliated.

 Hello everyone, the air conditioning is back on.  I feel a lot better and I am relieved to not have the social bad feelings from it for too long, too.  Because after a while it can hurt your mental health to feel persecuted and disrespected on certain levels.

I think I was a little heavy handed with calling Karla a liar but that is the pattern is to lie to my face, like that is being used as a deliberate tool of abuse and I do think it was a bad choice that shapes a permanent reputation that could have been different.  I myself have stuff like that, too, which brings me to my next topic.  

The topic is that I got some conspiracy rewards, possibly for taking the train downtown more often, or for having a surprisingly good attitude about the shuttle busses last night.  So one of the rewards is that people gave me an idea for a new book.  And I don't know if they thought about it as much as me, but I think it is a possible project.  

So here it is.  I think I would use ai for it in an unprecedented way as compared to my other work.  In fact, now that I think about it, maybe instead of a novel it should be a story and I shouldn't use ai.  Okay I think it will be a story and that will keep me from being as inappropriate with it.  

Ok so here is the idea.  It is a suspense thriller genre where a female FBI agent becomes a stripper to bust a trafficking ring.  Maybe just do a drug ring so it won't be about a sad topic that no one should get fun from.  Okay so a drug ring and that is a somewhat predictable plot and a certain genre.  And it will be like really appealing in an irresistable way, and then maybe the thing that makes it more literary is to have a family of groundhogs that lives in the corners of the bar part of the club or something, and they do some kind of service for people's angel animals who are all a little depressed because their assigned humans are going to a strip club too often.  Okay so I will maybe work on that. It might be a little stuffy like my other clean teen YA work. I mean I do not want to tempt anyone to actually go to a place like that but I think reminding people of reading opportunities is not a bad idea.  Like reading is a good compromise for that kind of stuff.  Reading is kind of a good habit and certain stuff is a bad habit so the two things kind of cancel each other out. I mean this post by itself might be enough entertainment.

Which I feel is actually a sign of justice and the consequences of abuse. You will find yourself called out if you do not sincerely repent. So anyway this brings us to another thing which is how I did consistently get punished for denouncing lying. Like every time I ever say something about it, people think I am the religious person who should get put in my place.  Meanwhile they want me to flog myself for all historical racism.  But if I take any stand against lying, even in a five page social work paper, then someone sees to it that I am tripped up on purpose so I seem like a hypocrit.  Well I am not a hypocrit, and it is a sign of an ethics problem when actual virtue is not supported by a profession, and instead replaced by political agendas meant to repel some groups from working in a main career field.

 Hello everyone. I just walked to the grocery store to stock up on coffee. It was a successful trip but the construction people had left no path to keep walking down the street and the unfortunately blocked the way on both sides of the street.  Even one side is illegal so I reported them.  It was a good report but they might fix it before they are discovered.

I had to do another report for abuse because of the air conditioning. I think that my prior report to OMH should have been enough but I think OMH is allowing it.  So the next step is legal aid and to confront all three places if the law is in fact broken six times since my initial report two years ago. Which I believe it has been broken.  And I think everyone's choice to disregard the autism factor isn't going to help them.

I think I should have added one more fact to the report which is that Karla's go-to defense is lying.  She lies a lot.  I feel bad for her.  She is going to double down on it and do it more as a way of not backing down.  But I feel bad for her because it is pretty bad leadership and honestly it is bad for even the lowest jobs in society. Like how shameful that no one taught you not to lie and then you never figured it out yourself as an adult and think it is okay to do in mental health work with clients. People think this is cruel of me.  They will try to catch me in a lie to put me in my place. Really I do pretty well and I feel bad for that social work practice too.  They tried it in social work school and honestly I think it was abuse that made me feel bad for many years.  The scenario they created to try to trap me.  They just don't feel God's gaze on them and think they will never answer for it.  How sad for them.  I mean what do you do for a living. Aiding and abetting criminals with your own sins mixed in.

 Hello everyone, this is Refried. It is Thursday, Oct 1. That is my anniversary day for my first day at work at Barnes and Noble in 1999.

Today I went to comedy class and it was great. I had a few jokes and they were okay. One of them needed work and I knew it so I talked too fast.  But it was okay. I think it was a good start for the class. The class is awesome. It is a small class and everyone is funny and has potential.  I think I needed to tell that one person that I liked her pigeon jokes. But she will probably be okay.

I think Ben made them feel the fear. I think it will be a fun class. 

There was a stretch of subway route where I had to take shuttle busses.  I question if there is really work being done or if MTA is finding ways to cheat people out of the normal service for a while. part of the route involved being on the highway on a bus with standing room only.  I think that is really poor, but eventually I got a seat, the air conditioning was nice, the people were also nice to be with, and I was okay. The trip added maybe an hour to the total commute and it wasn't like a four hour trip or something. So really I am okay.

When I got back to housing, one of my neighbors was kind of out of it and was yelling in the elevator in kind of a scary way. It is a different person than the neighbor who tried to break down my door. I mean this is a social work conspiracy. Social workers manage this kind of behavior and socializing and I think they might be doing some kind of termination.  I have always felt that termination is a scam that robs people of social rewards that they earn through kind living. I truly believe that and have not changed my mind about it. I also believe that process recordings are a waste of time and the focus should be on the notes of a case. I also think interns should not be used as dummies to make clients feel better by failing in front of them. New York people do that all the time, often as racial support.  I am embarrassed for all of them.  All of the agencies, clients, workers, and especially the schools.

Well, that is all, have a great day everyone.