Hello everyone, this is Refried. It is 8:18. I am making videos. I upgraded my subscription. It is expensive but I believe that this is my main next hobby. I believe this is legitimate creative work during a time that I am mostly finished with my main writing ability.

Actually I thought of a story recently and I forgot to write it. Did I write the idea down? Do you guys remember? I think that I had an idea for some kind of funny scam. I might have turned it into a joke.

Hmm I do not remember. I think it was a scam like an alien hoax or something.

It was something that I felt had never been thought of before and I could not believe it.  Possibly I said it in a discussion group.

I am trying to make videos and hopefully I will get about three keepers in this session.

I will do a blue guy with checkerboard rings, maybe something with a hoop or ladder, and a mouse building a wall from glowing blocks. I will not be able to send them around yet online but that is okay.

 Hello everyone, this is Refried Bean. Today is Saturday, April 11. I took two walks today and picked up some books at the post office. I believe I have all the book shipments that I can afford for a while. 

My walks were good and the weather was nice. I got a coffee on my second walk and downloaded a new video game that is really fun. It is a military game and interestingly, I feel that it blends with my prayer life and forgiveness.  The way the soldiers make the marching enemy go away seems exactly like my forgiveness prayers working against whatever hate is against me.  I mean I almost can't keep the two things separate in my mind, and feel like I am still playing the game as I pray and vice versa.  And then when I checked my instagram videos, that blended too, though I don't see that as being the same thing as my forgiveness prayers.  I don't see it as having the spiritual component that the religious memes did.

So that is interesting. It does have some kind of component but I haven't figured out the exact spiritual feeling from it that happens. 

So anyway, I went to a Mensa discussion today and it was very interesting.  It was more political than usual and it got kind of heated. Honestly it was hard to believe but I did okay. I might have talked too much and gotten the last word too often.  But I don't attend that often.  Maybe it is a reminder to be more quiet in bible study Sunday if I go to that.

I thought about attending church tomorrow in person but I do not know if I will or not. 

Should I tidy some more sections of my apartment? Well I do not know. Maybe clear out some clothes to give away. Or finish the table.  Possibly it is fine as it is. In fact I think the thing to do is choose some recipes and cook something.

I feel more hopeful about the economy and think that if we can even keep what has lasted going throughout these years after the pandemic and all the crisis, then surely the whole thing can recover another 30 percent or so.  But I know I am a charity case, but that might not always be the case.

So anyway, hopefully things will keep getting better for me. I think I will send in that application on April 13 for the fall thing if I am able to.  Am I forgetting anyone to tell about it? I do not know. I think they are publicizing it some and there is a financial component that would account for a smaller crowd if they get fewer applicants at first.

But anyway I hope I won't let anyone down.

I think I can just mail books to the other thing if they want some.

Well, that is all for now. I think that I might have enough blog posts for another thin book, but there are no poems and stories and memes.  So to me that is not good enough.  Does anyone have any thoughts? Do you gice think it should be about emails? Hmm I do not know.

 Hello everyone, this is Refried. I got some groceries delivered and it went okay. I can’t always get groceries delivered but it was nice this time and included water, ginger ale, milk, and sugar. Those are all heavy things and the gate next to my building is closed.

Today someone from HHC was mean to me but I guess just keep praying for their racism problem.

I had a good group today at Nami. 

I have now used all my cash for videos.

I believe I can tolerate a break in the hobby.

I feel that I am also able to accept the end of my book career though I suspect the books will reach people.

I do not know what to eat now that some grocery normalcy is restored. I think I could cook some recipes. So weird to have been restricted on potatoes in a certain way.

I guess this is part of a prayer project to experience all the Bronx problems but I think that is an illusion and you can’t experience other peoples problems so you should just try to be productive in service to others. I do mostly believe that from having stuff wasted and knowing I myself would like a Pepsi and nachos instead of a weird swindle where someone pretends to relate.

Anyway I am doing okay, I guess I will just eat some Corn Pops and pudding and jello for a while.

 Hello everyone, this is Refried. It is 2:30 pm. I cleaned my apartment for inspection today and then after inspection discarded about four piles of stuff and cleaned my shelves and books. 

So that is good. I might have to give away poetry books instead of joke books for a while.

I think next I will clear the trash mail off the table. I don’t know if that will be today.

I need to do an Instacart order. Should I wait and do it tomorrow morning? Actually Sunday morning went well last time. I just feel like I should clear out as much trash and stuff out of the apartment before doing a good food order. Possibly I should go outside for a while. That is what my therapist said to do.

Does anyone have any opinions?

 Hello everyone, this is Refried.  I had a good day. I woke up having a dream where I kept finding people's cell phones and wrote their name in the notes section and it was all Indian friends from online.

Then I had a therapy appointment and it was great. Thanks a lot, Drena. I think Drena thinks maybe I should do IOP this summer if they have room.

Then I took out the trash and took a shower and gave myself a haircut. Wow I needed a haircut and it looks a lot better now.  That was my fastest haircut, I just chopped it off in about five chops and now it feels okay. 

Then I went to a meeting about a poetry event in October. I think I will try to go if I am able to. I might invite a few more people too from off their list. I just think from what I can tell it would be good for them to have plenty of applicants.  It is kind of expensive and that might limit the number of people but I think I will try to go if I can.

I worked on my application today. I like the people who run the thing and are attending so far.

It is weird how it is a different time of year and might work out better for me than a summer thing.

So that is interesting. It is also cool that Jane Hirschfield is going to be there because it kind of seems like she is doing the Young Life thing where they go to your game but she is stopping by Asheville to show care after the hurricane and flood.

So anyway I just had a milkshake and was reminded of the nerds station because it was orange and cherry.  

I am not really able to read my poems. I wanted to read horizon cow and think about how Jody perceived it, Jody Gladding, my teacher. But I was not able to read.  I think tomorrow I might tell Elizabeth Coleman about the October event.  She might like to visit Asheville but I hope it will be safe but I did not mention that at the meeting.  I mean they already waited a year. 

Now I need to make a list of what to do for inspection: clean counter, do dishes, tidy clothes, pick up stuff, sweep and mop, clear out fridge and freezer, clean up book mess, clear table.  So maybe at one am do some of the main stuff, then 2 am do the books and table, then 3 am medicine, then 10 am get up and finish all the stuff.  but maybe finish now. I had all week and did not do any of it.

Drena says I shoudl get outside more if I can. I will try to do that but it is not easy necessarily.

But anyway does anyone have any opinions?

 Hello everyone, I’m his is Refried. I just did one load of laundry. I read about a crime and am reminded that the death penalty should be used about fifty times more often than it is. Possibly a hundred or five hundred times more often. I don’t know why people are so hesitant about taking someone’s life when killers do just that all the time.

I think it is because people might not be moral and that is the main way to pretend you are moral is to oppose all killing. 

That is sad.

I don’t think there is anything I can do about it except explain that in my books sometimes.

Well that is all for now. I am really tired.

 Hello everyone, this is Refried. I just went to a poetry event and I was an hour late but I had a good time for thirty minutes and heard Jane Hirshfield read a poem.  And I just love that person, she is a fellow religious poet and might be genuinely the closest like mind to me in the poetry world because of that. I mean I do not know but it could be something like that.

So too bad I was late and kind of weird because I missed another Nickole Brown event. That is a pattern. I mean something interesting is that I did go to the asheville residency at risk to my own life but then didn't go to the animal farm and could have. But in a way I couldn't have because it was not easy staying in the hostel. And now what is it a reminder of. It is a reminder that you know what, I have had a tight budget in some ways. People think I just fling around all the money but it wasn't that easy sometimes.

But anyway this is an interesting development. I mean hmm.  I mean should I try to attend some stuff in October. I just don't know if I can. I mean if Ravneet helped me maybe I could.

Maybe I will go to that meeting tomorrow.

I saw a religious vision today but when I saw it, I could not really tell that it wasn't just me imagingin it but then this evening I could see it in my mind and it was so true.  It was Jesus on his throne being glorious, kind of in the sky to the left of lots of us lower and just there in some way. I mean that is interesting. I feel like the take away wasn't about him being in control but was more about him being glorious and it was different from the cross scene.  so that is interesting. Usually I type this kind of things in emails to myself but I guess here it is on a blog post.

I repeat that this didn't feel as seizure oriented but upon reflection it is not something I would jsut imagine in my mind and is kind of static.

So anyway that is nice. I am so glad if I can see visions again. I feel so much better on this medicine amount and I should be walking every day. I think I could have taken a walk today in a coat instead of checking instagram as they delayed it for a while. 

But anyway now it is 9:26. I mean what if I attended that thing in October and sent in the exact poems from the other workshop.  But I bet I would miss it just like all the other events. 

So sad about the flood, I was just thinking of that today or yesterday, where the rain starts, and it is worse than usual, and then houses are washed away. I mean it is so sad. But some people survived and hopefully feel God's love and care.

But anyway, it is 9:30. So I will take my medicine at about 3 am. Should I maybe clean and take out trash or something.  

Ok the list is: take out trash, tidy clothes, do some laundry.  Okay that is the thing is at 11 pm do laundry.

Gice I feel okay with the poets, like not mad and resentful.  They did not torture me.  Some other people tortured me. I mean why is that, I do not know.  

Well have a good day everyone.