Hello everyone, it is 1 am on Thursday. Tomorrow I am going to my mental health program. Soon I have to take my medicine.  Facebook is pausing my ad to make the roll out un-ideal for me.  They approved the ad but it is not running, so the post is sharing only to friends right now.  I wanted the post to mainly be an ad and reach a lot of people before my friends saw it.  It shares a blog post that I did want to share with friends, with a secondary audience, but the post was meant to be an ad.  So now it is messed up and driving me crazy, and I don't appreciate it.

Then I just read some sad news and something else that seems a little belated, which is the release of information that Russia and China are setting up military operations in Venezuela.  Well that area has been in turmoil for ten years, so this has been going on for probably quite a while.  Probably the gangs in Haiti are from their allies from who knows where. My guess is Nigeria. And some of their people are already in our country.

Well this makes my post not matter that much, but I still don't understand why it can't go through like normal and why people mess up just about everything I do. 

I say that when my book did arrive on time today, it did turn out like I like it, but I don't understand why I can't have some social peace on facebook.  Why they think it is okay to mess up our lives for sport.  For all their rich employees to say, ha ha, we could mess up every friendship in the world, let's do it.

Anyway, this is all too bad, how we might have a war on our own soil soon, and how infiltrated we have already been. It's awfully suspicious for facebook to also be ruining our lives.

What Umbrella does this fall under

 Hello everyone, this is Refried. I just listened to an excellent lecture about Sudanese history.  Wow, it was amazing, way to go.  

I also ate some food and am now waiting to go to my support group in about an hour.  Definitely there were some ups and downs in this group the last few times, but I am giving it another chance.

I am thinking of writing something about my publishing status and having life pass by me without acceptance of my writing in the United States.  I attended a presentation yesterday about how writing works best as a gift economy.  The idea was to not let capitalist ambition ruin the outreach of it.

The talk resounded with me, but I also have been a bookseller and have an idea of the point of distribution and how the exchange of twenty dollars can facilitate that more abstract transfer of priceless stories and ideas.  So I don't know what to think, except my work was always meant as a gift, and it has now been rejected at all levels.  Agents had a chance, publishers had a chance, and finally after doing self publishing and facebook ads, regular people could have vetoed the whole industry's offensive failure. But my numbers are zeroes, and here I sit in poverty. Of course we already established that it isn't about the cash, but it is suspicious for me to have done twenty years of work and still be at some kind of starting gate.

Well I have something to say to anyone who defends it.  If you believe the gatekeepers were just doing their job, I will repeat this horserace analogy where the gun fires, the horses take off, and one contestant's gate simply isn't opening. Is it a malfunction? Would anyone say the whole race's results are in question now? I am not sure I have heard that theory from anyone in my own case. All we really have is a peaceless, ruined society and a profession full of rivals who couldn't be happier that I was left out.

That was the pandemic scenario. Now, five years later, here is a different analogy. In this precious gift economy, I bought everyone in America a kitchenaid mixer with the color of their very own preference. But every single person has smashed that thoughtful gift with a sledgehammer on video.  And every day, I go on facebook and watch those videos, and that is my life and will be until the day I die, which is in a mere four years because of the nature of the sacrifice I made behind my literature that was rejected. That is my experience of the gift economy.  Well maybe you don't celebrate the holiday that my gift was for. Maybe you thought it was for Ramadan because I voted for a Muslim in the NYC mayor election.  Maybe your parents didn't take you to church, and maybe your school didn't teach you to appreciate poetry.  Maybe you can't read this blog post because facebook algorithms blocked you from being reminded to hate me.  Maybe people in heaven are reading all my books right now, and the rain is their spit.

 Hello everyone, today is Nov 12. I had a good Nov 11 and a new facebook friend was nice to me. Today I went to the post office and there was a copy of my new book called "Thank you, Conspiracy." I am happy with it but wow it starts off with some shocking statements that I might question and regret. I am just sad because I was upset about something that happened on amtrak and then as I described it, I blamed them for all of the problems in American industry, when mostly I think they have done well.  But my experience with their bidding program for upgrading seats actually did match the problems of total corruption in every industry, so I did say something about it that wow might have been too much for the big picture.

So I do not know how I feel about it. I think some people will not like me as an author after just the first two pages of this book, but it is mostly a good book and even i am able to read all of it without getting bored.

Anyway, I was thinking about just suddenly walking to starbucks, and then I thought about taking a joke book to Donna the manager and then one for the Thai restaurant person.  But I think I should wait until I am a customer at the Thai restaurant, so that to me means waiting on both of them. Well that would mean going today to Starbucks without the joke book for Donna.  But I think that is how it has to be if I do go.

And now that I started typing this, sitting at my computer is a different choice than walking to starbucks.

So I do not know if I will go or not.  Yesterday I got some food and for the budget, I need that to be all for two days. And I just did finish the pork chop meal from the grocery store.  And I will eat the rest of the quesadilla from Taco Bell, and that will be a two day feast.  I mean honestly, today was like Christmas. It just really was, and I think I should not expect too much more for the holidays.

So okay. my sister texted me today and said she took my mom some brunswick stew yesterday, and I am glad because my phone call to mom did not go well on Monday. I could tell my mom was triggered by it.  So I just can't care for my mom that well, because something about me irks her into dementia.

Well that is a clue of God's plan, that maybe my sister will be the one to do most of that, and her family. 

Anyway I know what I am getting the nieces for christmas but I hope the items do not sell out.

Well, have a good day everyone.

 Hello everyone, today is Sunday, Nov 9.  I had a really good weekend and feel thankful.  I just finished a mensa bible study and thought about it for a while and felt happy. We are reading the beatitudes which is my favorite part of the bible. I mean I guess I like Isaiah 53 too. And Genesis and Revelation.

So anyway before that I went to a critique group for children's book writing.  And it was excellent.  I think I made a mistake and did not give the group enough context about the chapter I shared. But they did like the writing. And I got good feedback about the reading level.  I think the books are on target and people will like the young adult factor.  Like it has to be that way. And it will be okay. 

Before that I went to church online and heard such a great sermon from rev natalie from my church. I like all our ministers and am happy when they do awesome. She read a list of things from a book and found it to be relevant to what i care about, and advice I will use if I can.

So those were my three meetings. I had to stay in my neighborhood today so I walked to Starbucks, and I can feel how any exercise will make a difference. So I will try to walk every day. Tomorrow I will try to probably walk to that Key Food near Buhre avenue.

So that was today, and yesterday was also good. I went to a Mensa meeting. I had a good time but I think i might have talked too much.  But definitely I have gotten to know some people and have a smattering of friends here and there. In January I might try again to do games in person.

What I forgot this weekend was movie night with Hope Lab.  But I think overall, i have full weekends now with one, two, three, four or five new associations.  And this is after my year of laziness where I felt like I lost all my affiliations. 

Also yesterday, I watched an amazing lecture from a favorite theologian. It made me re-see a vision and believe that Jesus died as me.  It is true.  The theological adjusment I would tell people trying to understand the cross is that Jesus was you. That is why it counts for you.  He was us.  That is how it works. I believe that is the revelation that I was given and there might not be much else from me.

How am I doing on food.  Better but not totally recovered from the decline.  I will have to do chicken only for purchases for a while unless I directly make a casserole right after a purchase.  

Well, that is all except for some reading and a presentation from DBB and TF and mystery person. Thanks pals, you guys have really been a great part of my life right when I need an extra jolt of social theology. 

That is an interesting term, isn't it.  "Social theology," coined just now. It means church friends!

 Hello everyone, today is Friday, Nov 7. That means 7-11. And yet I shared a share of my bingo card having the number 666 on it.  And not that many people clicked like. It is just so wrong how facebook does not share our posts to enough friends. It is behind most of the depression in this country and a lot of the political problems, because people are getting the replacement social fix from seeing their side win.  

But it is in God's hands. I am going to start asking him to fix facebook better and restore the social over the media.

Anyway in ten minutes I am scheduled to attend a talk for the Trinity Forum. I do like them but they had a doctor on there who didn't believe the disease model of addiction and called it idolatry and I feel bad for them. I said that you can be addicted and your heart is in the right place and there was this silence like total ignorance and I am like are you kidding me? 

But anyway let's see how this talk goes. I think I will be bored and need to read some books during the presentation.  I still like the people and I don't think the new guy ever got a book or maybe his name in lights so I will try to fix that if I can someday.

The Nami group I went to last night was great with amazing people. Wow I am thankful for that. 

I just ate some food from chipolte. I wasn't planning on it but had some room on my card for the final day before SSDI. Wow I cut it close on my credit card this time but hopefully I can pay things back okay. I think I can. I think I can do 500 of the SSDI to that account and reset the normal amount. And I have two hundred left from last time that can pay off discover.

I need to check and see if I owe. I think my girlfriend tried to remind me. Thanks Ravneet. 

So okay time to go to the presentation.

Hello everyone, today is Wednesday, Nov 5. I am about to go to my appointment at North Central Bronx Hospital. I am leaving here at about 10 am.  I might leave earlier. But do I want to get there too early. I mean maybe not. What would I do there, sit around for more than three hours? I should try not to get there before twelve, but I might take the shuttle from Jacobi.  

This picture is a grid that I might post when I hit 80 million views for my facebook pages. That is awesome and I am thankful.  I think that is the right number because of organic reach and paid reach combined but I could be wrong. I mean who knows, maybe I am at 90 already, but 80 is my goal.  I think I will not stop yet but sometimes I feel a possible lull of some sort. 

But anyway I got awesome support for my facebook post yesterday. I did not expect that but wow it really sent me onto a happy feeling and it was a good update about lucky charms, too, which added bigger marshmallows to their cereal. I mean it is very psychologically comforting because you just keep getting giant marshmallow after giant marshmallow and you can't believe it each time. I want to send an email about it to the Lieber Clinic but I am not a client there any more.

Well have a good day everyone.

 

 Well everyone, it is Tuesday, Nov 4. I just voted my vote for mayor. For the other votes I went by names and voted for minority representation. I have done that pretty much for every vote I have done since moving here.

Who did I vote for as mayor. Well this morning I woke up thinking a certain way and changed my mind.  But that had been a change from another day.  So who will win? I do not know.

But to me there is a certain gesture of acceptance and love towards a certain population that is an opportunity.  Frankly, I think all three options are good.  I have thought that about a lot of elections, how we have really good people out there.  It is too bad about the fighting between parties.  But possibly God used that as some kind of deflection to distract from other salvation happening.  I mean I do not know.

But it could be that social media is one thing that reaches a lot of people in the world and it had to seem like it wasn't meant a certain way and maybe even sincerely not be a tool from a unified front for Jesus Christ, but an offhanded culture leftover from a bickering dirty lost nation.  So people elsewhere are like sure, we'll take it, and before you know it, there are videos of people singing the best music in christian history.  And then what do you know, another billion people get a ticket to heaven.

Well anyway, that is nice. Gice, I left off a cool poem from that last unfluencer book. So I could upload it again with more names.  Well maybe.  What do you gice think.

Like I could do another block on the next page and the originals wouldn't lose their elite status.

Well have a good day everyone.