Gice the people who have let me have a seat on the subway are going to be at judgement day and I am going to be hugging their feet in front of all of humanity.  and just think of the other people like Daniella, Yara, Danielle, Karla, I mean that is all I will name, and people like that who did stuff for years to keep me alive.  I mean should I hug people's feet now on the subway, I don't think so. I think I should save it for when they really could be blessed by a reward. I mean I just can't believe when they save me a seat, especially near 42 street on that 6 train, and they are just standing there not sitting down. 

I mean you can't believe it. But that is not cool when I look at people already seated and they read my mind and know I just want them to leave the train. I mean that truly is the worst of my brattiness and sometimes I don't even mean it. It is compulsive.  And yet wow I always do sit down in a competitive way. I mean the comfort, and the food, I mean I just can't help it.

But anyway I hope people are going to all get some good stuff. I mean some people aren't doing right.

I like the trash can person and I think it is kind of cruel to do a trash can give away, like you can give but you can't forgive.  But maybe this is about the young people.  Like teaching them not to be a hooligan.

I mean maybe this is about the imaginary mice. But I like that Angie Baez person and I hope people give her a job soon, I mean I think those photos were cute and I am not saying I am interested in that way but I think it was not a bad fifteen minutes of fame.

And now a rent freeze.  Like don't take a trashcan but we can tell one million people they don't have to pay their lease.  Well guess what, I am in support of that, too.  New York is doing great. You can feel the blessing and the great weather. I hope everyone has a good pride weekend. I myself probably won't go downtown. I mean for me possibly Thai food or something but I need to save some money and feel better after this SSDI check. I mean there is not another bail out for months. So this is it. Getting those accounts back to normal.  And then one small facebook boost. 

Are you guys thinking not to go for the cool mils on the videos? Like maybe always 606060.  I kind of think that might be the humble thing. And to think of kids with budgets for social media.

Gice, all the parenting, the suffering people, I mean all I can do is pray. I tried to provide books. But it is just jokes and poems.  I wish people would read it all.

Gice it is a nice path.  Food, volunteering, walking, friends, creative writing, open mics.  Can you believe what the Wit's End kind of people did for me? I mean I can't believe it.  And think of all the charitable giving and has anything ever been better than when our slam team got some free meals? I mean to me that beats world vision. I will say it in front of the judgement day crowds. The multitudes. 

Well, have a good day everyone.

 Hello everyone, I went to sleep for a while. I missed the job talk group which is one of my favorite groups but I am happy for myself for getting sleep. It also meant missing a meal which I could eat now, a piece of stouffers french bread pizza, but I don't know.  Maybe I should miss the meal.  Earlier today I ate a brownie and caramel macchiato.

I am breathing better and realize that the weird feeling that sent me to the hospital was anxiety plus asthma plus a normal health dip.  I just didn't recognize it.

I liked the hospital people.  They might have rewarded me for exercising but I don't know.  I like that nurse named Laura.  She is a nice person and the PA and really all of them. It was very clean and not too crowded there.  They did not make me wear something I did not want to wear or anything close to that.

The hospital there always has trouble finding my vein for blood tests which drives me crazy but it was okay. I gave a book to the cool person named Natalie. 

Right now there is a high pitched noise in my apartment and I don't know what is causing it. Is it my refrigerator or something outside? I had a dream that we all got evacuated and now I wonder if it was real and they announced it on the intercom which no one can hear. 

I kind of think the noise is my refrigerator. It is not. It is in the hall from the elevator or something. It is not that loud. I think maybe I should make a grilled cheese sandwich.

Karla was really nice to me yesterday. I think it is a reward for walking.  She said inspection looked good.  I mean it kind of drives me crazy for them to use inspection to reward other stuff and not praise me any time I do inspection right.  Because to me that is the issue is that I can't do that at all and then do.

But I think mostly I am like you know what, this was God's plan, and for whatever reason, the things that drive me crazy about this housing were meant to be part of my life.

Today I told my therapist my delusions. I mean actually I have no idea what is true.  Because it seems like this is some kind of delusion puncture week and I should have congratulated my therapist on making it this far, like what, twelve years until finally all my delusions are proven wrong.  The literary status, the conspiracy, the health martyrdom, I mean all of it.  And yet that could be just a game is they taught me how to treat psychosis but all of my suspicions are real.  I mean I do not know.

But I think Ravneet is my person.  And I think when the hospital said that they think I am okay, I think they meant that they think I am a legitimate literary participant.  And I should be humble and have good behavior for their sake too.

I mean I do not know.  But it is cool living near them.  But I miss the stop and shop.

 Pals, I took an iron pill. Second one this week. I don't have fatigue that bad but I think the shortness of breath is from low iron.  So it is kind of a serious issue. But I am okay and this is a low point for it, but I hope the iron pills are enough and I kind of don't feel good sometimes.

But it is okay. I think people can notice my neck sometimes, too.  But that is also okay. I mean I think I have three years left and we are going to see some stuff.  And I am okay so far but at 92 percent this is not that bad.

I got a squishmallow mcdonald's toy that is themed from the world cup.  There were a lot of nice hospital people at McDonalds. It's not that easy working anywhere, is it guys. No, it's not, and the bronx is rough a lot, isn't it.  But NYC is cool and hopefully we will get through this bad presidency. 2.5 years left. ouch, that is a long time.

Do people like my review? Not that many people have seen it. I think it is good. It is just weird because the book is so good and heartwarming. Like it does have a surprising quality and yet the kirkus people said "underwhelming." I mean I guess maybe that is similar to saying the donut novel plot meanders.

So anyway, that was mostly a good experience and it was funny how they imitated my style in the review. I mean that is really funny.

Well have a good day everyone.

 Hello everyone, this is Refried. I just paid some bills. I think I should walk to Mcdonalds or something soon.  I feel yesterday's walk. I just need to walk walk walk every day. It will be okay.

Later I am going to a presentation. I hope the Kirkus people are not mad at me. .I think they are my friends.  But I might have overdone it with my last email.

I feel better from sleeping. I had a dream that was interesting. Today I need to clean my apartment some.  

I guess just recover from the last review. I think part of the feeling yesterday is when no facebook friends except one hit like. So I think that is from the conspiracy.  So I think I need to remember that all the conspiracy stuff is real.

That was so sweet yesterday when I said hit me and then the result was so sweet and did not torture me.

I think I am going to make some coffee right now instead of walking to McDonalds. But then I will probably walk there. I mean I feel how I could walk to go get coffee. But I just think I am going to drink some here now as a morning routine.

I am thankful that my mom helped me with those bills. She said she felt it was reasonable and it was reasonable. I really do have business expenses.  The website, lawyer, etc.  I have to register a few books as copyright. I think definitely library book, the imaginary mice, I mean honestly that could be all.

Gice my mice parents are so sweet. I mean all the mice ever, all the mice characters, and I have some mice and rabbits and groundhogs myself. I mean that is sweet, isn't it.

Gice the angst last night, that was rough but I am okay. It could have been worse but it did bother me, kind of suddenly, and then it was better and I fell asleep. But they did that on purpose.

Gice why did Dr. Talreja do that with the notes? I do not know.

 Hello everyone, it is 7:38 on Wednesday. Wow, the weather outside is amazing. I walked from place to place in New York City and the people were so nice. There were so many people outside walking to the next place. And there were a lot of places with world cup games on. I just feel like we are being blessed and it is really nice. A good mayor, a winning basketball team, and now the cool soccer crowds and games.  And people let me have a seat on the subway. I just don't know why but I think a lot of people do want 45 million blessings. And that is what I am asking for. And safety and health etc.

So that is sweet. I feel better. It was kind of weird how I got depressed earlier .  I do not know why but I just felt like I ruined my kirkus blessing but I made my choice to say what freaked me out was just thinking there is some reason why they can't prescribe my books and no one will tell me.

So anyway that is interesting.  

People have been nice to me. That was weird today when I had instrusive thoughts but I should be allowed to skip a dose in order to show up to my appointment and pay rent too.

So today was a five mile day, maybe 7. I could still go outside later. My gallbladder might act up tonight but hopefully I am just full.  I think part of it is from the rice I ate.

Well, thanks everyone for a good day. I guess I am a children's book writer now, and people said my stories were funny and gave them seizures.  Pretty funny.

Ok have a good day everyone.

 Gice that worldly monk post was good, wasn't it? I mean not the best ever but still pretty interesting.

It is 3:23. Do you gice think I should take my medicine? Tomorrow I go to NCB and then downtown to get my rent check. And I will post my link to the review. It is weird how I feel like sharing the negative reviews, isn't it? Well my therapist said they were good reviews.

Pretty funny. I could cry because of how much I am going to miss the kirkus people. I mean maybe I will have the cash for more reviews some day and it will start to be funny.

There are a lot of writers out there, everyone. Good writers and past minority voices who deserve a whole age and time period.  But still anyone should be able to do well if they want to and work hard. 

Anyway I am doing okay. I wonder what time my appointment is tomorrow.

Gice I am so happy to be a children's book writer. And they have been very generous with words that mean funny.  So maybe that was the thing.  To not say creative but to say funny.  This time they said Wacky like I suggested in one of those blog posts. Pretty funny. I feel like I hurt my donut novel friend when I said they were a weak reader but I just questioned why they didn't see the strong plot but they were referring to the rambling and had to say something.

Anyway I thought of what to say on my post. I am going to say, "Thanks for supporting my comedy, everyone. To be honest, it probably won't improve very much. Here is my probably last kirkus review. If anyone has any problems with it, you can talk to my lawyer, whose name is Tristan R."

 I just feel that if what has happened with my career, times 5, can happen, then there is no reason to think I won't be beaten to death in my neighborhood on any given day.  Or more likely, one of the hospitals.

But maybe the dream I had is telling me something, which is that the good thing already happened, and that was writing the books.  And God did protect that and preserve that and for some reason there is a chicken curse on my paycheck life and relationship status. What is the third thing, is it church?

I mean wow I guess that is on the table, too.  But a lot of people have really been friends with me and they believe what they believe and have their reasons.

I think with that conference in question that my posts might be good for a slide show but maybe no speaker role or attendance. I am going to email steven that.