Hello everyone, it is 8:35. I have taken my medicine and prepped my room for bug spray.  In about five minutes I will take my bag downstairs.  should I use a cart today? I mean maybe I will. Or maybe not because if I have to like go somewhere or something. So I guess just use the bag. But I don't know, maybe put a box of books and use the cart.

I had a Young Life dream this morning and it was interesting, I don't really remember it that well.  But I think possibly I am able to see the Young Life thing as different like instead of having a nervous breakdown because of some weird thing, just maybe the normal onset of mental illness and my conclusion was that I had to quit.   So it is not necessarily bad and I am not necessarily a mismatch for it.  And I will be a writer for teens which is related.

So anyway, that is interesting. I mean the dream was interesting, I do not have that many dreams about it but when I do, it often does match the culture and goals of it.

So anyway ok I am thinking cart, which means I am not done packing up.  I mean this whole bug prep thing has been really hard on me and does not match my sleep schedule.

Well, see y'all later.

 Pals, it's me, Refried. It is 10:19 on Thursday, Oct 22. I just finished a replay of an awesome video!! I think I will watch it a few more times, too. It happens to be relevant to me and so interesting.

Gice. JF is a Jody. and a sci-fi heroine like Ellen. So that is great and I will pray for her constituents.

Meanwhile, I put the groceries in bags so the bug spray won't make me waste all that. And the last thing I need to do is take out the trash in case Noremi wants to do inspection tomorrow.

Today I turned in my rent check. I am thankful and there is a new conspiracy game involving grapes.

I got an email from the New York Times tonight referencing a comment I made at the Alli conference. And I myself wanted to contact someone and point out someone else's response that I think was more genius than the accidental funny thing about mine.  So basically, the guy was saying to read the classics because it helps you think better and I said Edith Wharton and the Bell Jar were very elevating. I know the bell jar is by sylvia plath but I meant that book in particular. Well there is something funny about that, because Ethan Frome and The Bell Jar are both books about suicide and depression or something. Like that is as dark as it gets in realistic literature. And it is kind of funny, because I said it was elevating, but obviously not in terms of mood.  So then this lady said "tasteless."  And I don't know if she was joking but I think she was pointing out that my comment was tasteless but what else is tasteless? Refried Beans. And then if people find my facebook page based on that, I have several jokes that absolutely crossed any line of decency. And there is the fact that she really might have thought I was joking about suicide and her wit might have also been accidental.  So anyway I just wanted her to win something for that. I think she is probably British. I just mean if the conspiracy is doing stuff then to me she should get something.

Pals. I was able to pray today so ask God what you want if you want to add to the same jackpots. I do not know what is causing the violence but I think it is from my prayers and I don't know how to fix it.

Well, that is all everyone. 

 Hello everyone. I just attended an online support group.  I forgot about schizophrenia day downtown. Wow I wish I had remembered and yet was I really up for the commute? Not really. 

Pals I am sad that I missed the event but it is okay. I still had a good time at group even though gosh it is only once a year and I love going there in person but I was just downtown last night and can only do so much. 

Is my facebook page weird with weird posts. I mean I do not know. It is probably okay.

I sold two books but I think it is not from the ads.  I just don't understand why the ads never work and I think it is cruel.

Pals I wish my computer filter was nicer looking but I am thankful to have a computer at all.

Pals I need to check my credit card accounts. I guess I will get that done right now.

 hey everyone,

This is Refried. It is 4 pm. I made some coffee and took a shower. I am watching a replay video of a good presentation and I finished listening to music on YouTube. I made a new meme today and I think it is pretty good:

I really think there is something to this idea and what is in the Bible and how people bring life experience to it too.

But anyway I am glad I had a free day today. I thought I was going to have to leave my apartment because of a bug spray thing. But it is tomorrow. It will be ok. My friend Delores suggested going to the library. So maybe I will give away books in the park tomorrow and then go to the library.

I need to bag up stuff so it doesn’t get ruined by the bug bomb. I can do that soon. I will go downstairs and ask if they have any bags.

I need to attend to my credit card accounts. Possibly I will work on that at about 9 pm.

 Hello everyone, this is Refried. It is 11:37.  At 5:20 pm I left for comedy class.  So this was about 6 hours.  That was not that bad.  I suspected that the commute would be harder than last time and it was.  But it was not that bad. I had a hankering for some chinese food but bought some chicken fingers at Canes.  Then I kind of wanted to give them to a subway person who I knew was hungry but someone had told him to be aloof so I could keep it.  I am thankful for that and I feel that it should be credited to him as a really good deed and maybe someone else will give him some vittles.

I saw two neighborhood acquaintances and then gave some chocolate cake to one of my food buddies. It was a happy thing that was fun to give.  Like a huge slice of chocolate cake that is really about three slices.  So anyway I do feel some problems from low iron and need to take a pill soon when I take my medicine. But I am mostly okay.

I think something is going on with the 6 train that I question but hopefully service will be back to normal soon.  But the thing is that it isn't.  There was another sign today about Oct 23-26.  

I read a good poem on the subway. Honestly sometimes the poems aren't that good. But I hope a lot of people think to themselves that they could do better.

I feel some supernatural emotion sometimes and it is nice. It is still kind of constricted but good emotion for nice reasons that have to do with writing, bookstore memories, and caring about judgement day.

I am happy to have a draft of my comedy routine done. That is cool but Ben thought a few jokes needed to be edited and I am not sure I want to leave off certain things. I just felt like it was pretty funny the way it was.  But I think he might be right about some of it. Like a few things that were questionable.  It is not that easy to get feedback in front of everyone but it helps you get used to being on stage. It was kind of crazy how this afternoon I was suddenly able to write a few new jokes and organize everything.  That is how it always is and I am thankful. 

Well that is all for now.  Tomorrow is going to be a challenge and I am tired for tonight but I think I will take my medicine at about 2 am.

 Ok the secret messages are saying I was scapegoated by scapegoats and it is not a game.

Yeah I can kind of see that.

But I think possibly some of it is a spiritual descent so I can pray for purgatory status people.

Anyway that was a fun movie night. My friend Angela from comedy class did something thoughtful which was prevent an awkward moment ahead of time.

I think some ai scammers want to email unsolicited advice and then charge me if I read the email. 

Probably stupid to say this before a torture trial but I will form a militia over that.

 Hello everyone, this is Refried. It is Tuesday, Oct 20. I feel okay today. I did not feel well last night. I felt the low iron feeling and mental spaciness and exhaustion.  

I went to the doctor yesterday and told her that I felt that the low iron problems were different at different times but I felt some memory and attention problems that were worse than normal because of it. I think that is true and it really is a feeling different than before where I am kind of like wow I could really be disoriented without much warning.  And yet it kind of is just almost there and not really that level of out of it.  But to not really be able to finish thoughts sometimes is a thing. And I did not explain it well to her. I told her I was having trouble completing daydreams like I couldn't follow the story line. That is TMI for her or my blog but I don't know how else to say the difference in the amount of memory issues I have.

So anyway I am eating a calzone and will make coffee soon. I mean should I go to starbucks. I do not know. My weight at the hospital was around 199.  It could really be 196 or 197. I think that is ten pounds down and the next ten is the real kicker,

So anyway have y'all enjoyed my facebook posts? It does help me recover a lot. I can get almost back to normal instead of triggered. It is not happy to be in a triggered state and it can hurt your life. That is why I am standing up against it. It must be stopped as a go to practice for no reason except power and bullying.

Anyway I am working on a parody idea of a story, what do you guys think: