Hello everyone, this is Refried. I just got back from going downtown. I got my rent check and I went to the Sept 11 museum. The museum was nice, not too crowded, but still too crowded for me to see everything. So I zoomed through and left. I will just have to read more about it online.  I bought the flag with all the names of the people who died. I am happy to have that, it is really cool and I don't know why I was slow to realize that the list of all the people is great and I didn't need to find the first responder poster.

Anyway I also bought two medalions which were for sale for only 5 dollars. Those are supposed to be something military people give each other as an honor but hey I'll buy one for five dollars.  I think they mean it as a gesture for people who care enough to visit the site.

I have one from wounded warrior too.  That reminds me to go check my briefcase that I saved from my apartment. I did not save much from my apartment when I moved.

So anyway okay.  I felt emotional one time when I saw the virgil quote and then the view of the outside fountain was neat because the water was shining off it in a way I haven't seen before.  So that was nice. And then I went and had a coffee in my spot.  People always give me a chair there, thanks everyone.  Your names will go in my gardens in heaven.  Like the memorial but it will be all the crowds who were nice to me in my goings and doings.

Just think of all the subway people who have given me a seat. It is a lot of people.

So anyway, Karla was nice to me when I got back, I think it is a sign that they aren't going to send me to the hospital. But she gave me my medicine and who knows, it could be wrong or something. Meant as another trigger.  But what if I just don't check it now.  What if I wait a week and feel okay.

I am feeling bad again about the missing writing career. I think it is from not mailing and giving books. I mean do I need to keep doing that? Should I get another credit card for that? I do not know if I should. Because mostly I feel like I gave enough books away and people started saying they did not want them.

So what I need to be aware of is that this could be another round of feeling the missing career.  But maybe I can sell to India, and maybe I will get an agent.  And maybe the next generation will find me somehow, or a publisher saves the day in some way. Also I am basing some of my frustration on a prophetic view of my life when I was younger and saw my writing path and the missing money and readers. I saw it, and then I saw that it might change, and instead I am still a writer, but wait, the money is still not there.  And I wasn't happy.  And this is driving me crazy to think tht my soul might really not be satisfied with the outcome of these books, after I really did nail it with the content.  Like the content is what it is supposed to be.  But I think maybe for some reason the impact comes later.  I also am remembering another view of my life where I saw myself working in a bookstore and then being a literary author, and I was like okay, sure.  So this I think is the view that will help me feel better.  That it is my destiny.  That I gave up my other dream of advertising and did what God offered me, and it won't be taken away. It won't be thwarted.  And it is a career and it is happy and goes well, as much as anyone else's career does.  I jsut don't have the money, but that means in the biography, I will be more poor than normal in a noble way. And God knew I was into that stuff and he took away the other stuff because I would not be able to give that up myself.  The fact is that I do like comfort and I would live a lifestyle more rich than is a good witness.

So anyway, it is so bad that I am saying this, but it is not happy to look back on a prophecy and not see the fruit of your labor.  To think there is a satanic swindle that goes unanswered.  It disturbs me.  I saw it and was not satisfied.  But other views were a good sign. So I don't know what to think.  What does it mean, I don't know. I think I should remember the happier more optimistic views. There were things that were good and hard to believe. But the emptiness of the swindle, and the people who say haha, too many people who think I deserved that when I didn't.

So anyway, I got a new container of milk and will have a third coffee later. I think the hospital threat is fading but I don't know.  I might have bothered Drena but it might be okay. I think I did not email her too much and I think it is okay I sent her an ai picture.

Okay have a good day everyone. I am not doing well with my facebook page but it is because the numbers got switched and I don't feel as good about it sometimes and I posted weaker images in question.

 Hello everyone, this is Refried. It is Sunday, Aug 24 at 10:15 pm. I sat in my room all day but it was a good day. I felt better and not as triggered by the hospital threat. Hopefully I can do php and be a nice person there for a while. Today I went to bible study and it was nice. It is a good bible study and interesting to me. Church was good earlier too.  I prayed a lot today. You are not supposed to say when you pray but I just frankly have all my cards out on the table and there are times when I don't pray well so I say when I do. For one thing, I want people to have hope that they will get some stuff, because they will.  And I also feel that the conspiracy of friends who has helped me stay alive are supporters who should receive updates on their investment.  So there is a harvest of prayer. And then the answers from God.  But wow it is a mess out there so what exactly were those prayers?

I need to ask Ravneet something. I hope she is getting money from book sales that I know nothing about. 

The thing I need to ask her is that my cousin wants to make her a hat and I need to find out what color she likes. Today I unexpectedly ran an ad for more facebook followers and only targeted usa.  And wow the numbers are tiny, like the ad isn't reaching a lot of people. About thirty people per dollar even see the ad.  That is a little stinge-y, but my other pages are doing well in India.  I wonder if I can sell some books in India.  It makes me feel better to think that Ravneet might be getting some cash and there are secretly sales here.  But people still don't seem to know who I am, so I do not know.  I mean that was something weird with the conspiracy, too.

But anyway I need to pray for my facebook friends and people's health. It is just always good to do that.  But to me we should all do that for the whole country and world.

Ok I erased something.  Well, have a good day everyone.

 Hello everyone, I swept up the peanut shells from under my chair. It looks better near the table now. And I threw away the broken other chair. I guess now I should be reading for fun.

The theme is be thankful for what I have. What else will I clean today. Maybe put up some of the boxes and organize the books. And clear the table. The weather is nice outside. It would be a good day for sept 11 museum but I can't. People need to be understanding about that because the threat to be sent back to the hospital is bad suffering and I need to play it safe.

What should I read. Maybe the Bronx Combo series. Do you gice like my books? Am I a children's book writer? I think I am.  I think I did what I did.  Funny poems, religious poems, probably for teens.

So now what. Maybe take a walk.  Maybe later I will walk to Mcdonalds. I mean it would be nice to have pancakes there but I can't get there in time now.  In thirty minutes my churches both start online.  I could have gone in person, maybe I was wrong or something. But I think I should accept my disability.

That is what it is, even though it seems like laziness.  It is mostly from a year of too much latuda.  

My medicine is so much better now and I hope they don't change it. I need to clock some weeks and months on it successfully.

I mean what was the problem, is the issue that I asked to be in PHP and I already had the pros program? 

Ok for food I have bean dip.  And I already drank coffee. I kind of want a second coffee. What do you gice think about that. I think maybe wait a while and drink it later.  Ok phone a friend soon.

I need to not be in the hospital if the agent calls back.  Possibly she will but I do not know.

Maybe send Rita the link to my advocacy success.  

 Hello everyone, I woke up to good facebook numbers. I felt bad last night some but am okay. I just need to avoid the triggers as much as possible. I will try to email Drena Monday and tell her I am okay. I think it is mean to make me think I can be in PHP and then start making me feel worse. Last week's triggers were bad and unexpected but I will try to do well this week and take my medicine earlier.

I took it at midnight last night. This morning I took out some trash and put dishes in the sink.  And I will clean my table area soon. Maybe I should read something today. I keep wanting to read Poncheesy but I think maybe it is something else that I should read. I need to be patient about book sales. It really might not happen for five more years.

I am not going to Sept 11 museum this morning because I need to go downtown tomorrow for my rent check.  So I will wait and do that then.

Gice I feel like people were a little bit mean to me yesterday. Like it was hard to believe and maybe I am wrong. But I do not know. I think I will do some phone-a-friends today.

 Hello everyone, I just took a long walk to the grocery store. It really wasn't too far away. I only got jello mix, cinnamon roll dough, and tostitos.  Those were the missing ingredients for the dishes I have planned.  It is the same list as last time. That food kept me going for a month, and I think I will try that again, but eat more hamburgers. I have those burgers in the freezer and will try not to waste it.

I just now ate a butterscotch pudding. It is my favorite. It is nice because it is refrigerated. When I was a kid I usually ate the hunt's nonrefrigerated kind.

So okay. I am able to figure out the writing thing mostly. Try to gift Lori the retreat and save the rest of my money for a novel critique on Poncheesy. Time is running out. 

Other issues: Only two pans for strawberry pretzel salad and potato casserole.  So do the bean dip in the aluminum pan and the corn casserole also in the aluminum pan at a different time.  Which one should be first. I do not know. Probably I will cook that tomorrow.

I hope I can get through the gate area to go to Sept 11 Sunday. There is a problem smell at the corner and it makes me gag severely. I think I can hold my breath though and get through it.  But today just the anticipation made me gag on my way back and I had to walk around the block and add 45 minutes to the trip home.  So anyway, what else.

I guess that is all for now. Definitely some peaceful feelings sometimes. It could be part of the latuda mood lability. But I would say it is a happier lability now that the dose is reduced.

Well have a nice day everyone.

 Hello everyone, it is Friday, August 22.  The housing people are being mildly mean to me because I am signing up for a php program and they are indicating that I am on medicine watch.  There is something well intended about it and I think I am supposed to feel some security from it.  But really to me I experience it as a threat of severe harm to my life and health.  But I am going to try to think positive about it and be patient with it. I will stay mostly in my room. I might clean up a little bit.

Ravneet is very proud of me right now because I went to the grocery store. And I sold three books. Thanks Ravneet.  There was a message saying I can now receive money. I do not know if it is true, but it might mean that my books sell. Drena reminded me that I might want to move to Greenville. Maybe.

What food will I eat today? I could go buy some strawberry jello from the nearby Key Food. Or I could make an orange jello salad. Hmm I do not know. This might be a corn casserole day while I have eggs.

Today I talked to a peer named Ann Kasper. I told her about a recent advocacy victory. I might tell Dan Frey tomorrow. I think I am going to go the Nami meeting at 3:30 if there is one. I skipped wellness talks.

This recent set of events is something that the conspiracy is saying is the case.  I think they mean the case that the legal assault was based on in 2011. So it has to do with people being held accountable for destroying other people's mental health work. And then the additional retaliation on me, and the resulting loss for millions of people.  And then where is their justice. Well possibly one thing is that people have been upgraded to theologians. I mean we are entrusted with condundrums.

Is it now time for a bean dip. Not necessarily because I need to buy the tostitos.  So I will do that later at about 5 pm and take the other route because of the incident at the gate.

Okay have a good day everyone.

 Ok everyone, it is 9 pm. I need to crack the code on food but I had cereal earlier.  I mean maybe just use tomato sauce on the noodles.

I feel good about the project I did. I did the right thing and justice is on my side. There is something else interesting about it, too, which is that it protects people if I ever get targeted past my capacity, which is the whole point. 

I think something else is that this is the twenty year case. This is the issue and why I was a target. It's not about me, it is reaching past me, and everyone knows it. And now it can't be denied. And if people say, gee, this is public, I will say, that is exactly the issue and you made your choice. 

I feel the spiritual difference from the art shares being over.  That is very interesting to me and I think that it says a lot about the people who support me from other countries.  

Am I supposed to send the joke around soon? Maybe so. I mean I don't know. I feel like it is good to pause with facebook because I just did five posts.

Gice I think the thing that is missing is hearing back from PHP. I think that is the thing that is missing.  

Well, everyone, have a nice day.