Ok everyone, I posted on facebook and it is really good material. I do not know how people will feel about it. Who I will lose and gain, etc. But definitely there were three or four good posts in a row, and it has been a while. 

I think I am not passing out books in the park until Wednesday or Thursday.

I ate too much at McDonalds but it was yummy but I kind of don't feel good but it is not that bad.

I mailed four joke books. 

The person from yesterday who read my whale book said it was only okay and she kind of liked some of the poems and not other ones.  That really made my day and I am glad it was interesting to her. It was some of my favorite feedback that I have gotten.

At one pm I have therapy.

Last night I had a dream that I went back to the spirituality and social work program.  It was weird because I had a dream of part of it and was impressed, like I felt that it indicated certain levels of spirituality from Dr. Nicotera. But then there was more to the dream where I went to the library with a new group, plus some old members, but they were people I did not know in real life, and one girl told me about how her high school colors were pink and purple but not a specific shade of pink and purple.  And then people got mad at me because I had been embarrassed when they did read-alouds last time in the library. So that is interesting.

Anyway definitely some zingers online. I mean I did bust those people. I am kind of sad about some of it because one person was a potential phone a friend and I forgot and now it is probably too late.

Well anyway it is just a lot of people to turn on me and they think if they are unanimous in their character defamation then there is no one else to vouch for me but even unanimity is going to just show the bullying at this point.

 Pals. I am ok on medicine. I feel fine. I really did catch some people. They wanted me to post a post about Karla and then they would heroically be witnesses. What a bunch of jerks and losers. 

I thought of something funny to say tomorrow but I don’t know if I will or not. 

 Ok everyone, the reason all those people betrayed me was to hide from the eyes of the people I am mailing books to tomorrow. It is some democrats. I am not a democrat but am left leaning.

It was kind of depressing but not that big of a deal. Also Karla is pretending to be a child abuser for advocacy purposes.  But I still don't appreciate it and feel very oppressed and persecuted.  I do have thirty bullies among my health care places and a larger network that supports them, plus my traitor friends who saw no other way to show racial support, bringing shame upon themselves, the population they pretend to care about, and our whole society and world.

 Well everyone, today I caught several hundred facebook friends trying to help my abusers in the Bronx hurt my life and career on purpose. I thought it was only three or four people. but some considerable networking has happened and some of the Bronx people are staff at various locations and I haven't even met them.  So to me that is really weird and I feel sorry for you all. I mean to me it does turn into child abuse when you target the career of a children's book writer on purpose and seek to make them suicidal.

And then the racism. But that was the conclusion already. I think what I missed was the attempted murder of it all. Like how you all want me to commit suicide or go to the hospital and be tortured. So that is some pretty bad betrayal. I think it is already seen for what it is.

Possibly you all are looking for your day in court where you seem brave to stand up to me, but by then you will be an official historical villain with no way out of it.

And then as a study on privilege, with all the liberal bullcrap and political problems, I can think of no more disgusting privilege than for someone to be able to throw away friendship that easily.

 Basically I thought of a really good comeback to say about the oppressor in question but I am not saying it and it makes me realize just how much I don't say certain kinds of things.  And most people don't, and that should have been good enough.  But people chose to pretend we were guilty anyway, and your lies have ruined the whole world. There probably won't be any signs of recovery for about a hundred years. 

I believe it is too late to go back and do the right thing.

So anyway, should I allude to the idea on my Bronx Page. I do not know.

 Hello everyone, this is Refried. It is Monday, Oct 12. I just had an interesting dream where I was in a hospital and an army plane that was rectangular in shape hovered outside my window and I wanted to wave an american flag but the flag was my roommate's and she said I could not wave it. So then I went to go use the bathroom which was a ladies room and it said Sarah on it, like it had been named after me as my old name.  So then people tried to come in my stall and there was a guy in the stall next to me so I had to say something. Then I was at this other city where there was a building and it had to do with preparing for Camp Opportunity and something was going on with a skateboard company or something and then I was on a train and there were PFR people shooting machine guns into the air.  Before that I was at Penn Station and it had to do with NY Cares and sitcoms. I mean it was an interesting dream.

So anyway sometimes I feel something lacking like what to be working on. Should I go pass out books at the park. I wish that Bronx event had been a successful book drop but oh well.

I feel targeted by racism again but I am thankful for having a month or two where I did not feel it as much. But I also feel more of the reality how it is going to be called what it is. People really thought God and no one else would see it and say it but it will be said. And I am aware of the people who think it is me and I feel sorry for you.  You are going to be humiliated.

 Hello everyone, this is Refried It is Sunday, Oct 11 at 5:33. I am going to call a friend of mine soon and then go to an online bible study.

I cooked some meat in cream sauce and it was yummy.  It is raining outside so I did not walk to Starbucks. I think I will make some coffee here soon. Yesterday I got some good groceries. I feel back to normal after the digestion incident.  I mean it was honestly kind of extreme and might have had some dyspepsia involved. I mean wow who knows how it all works.  Well actually some people do know how it works.

So anyway I just sent a message to someone to say wasn't that funny when Cornel West said something smart and then said, so how about putting that in your theological crack pipe and smoking it.  Or something like that. I mean wow it was funny and the things he said were interesting too.

One of the things is about how people try to find the answer to meaninglessness when really the thing lacking might be love. I mean that is one of the best things I have ever heard. And yet I do think meaning and ideas are sometimes the psychological food of love.  So that is an interesting topic. Wow he was a good speaker. I mean some people do what they are supposed to and it pays.

So okay. This week I think I might try to pass out some books in the park.  Will I take some downtown also on Wednesday? Well I do not know.  What park would I go to? What neighborhood. It is not easy having a rejection status.  But I possibly don't know what I have been spared.  Because what if I was confident and thought myself important and then could not relate to everyone.

Well hmm I do not know. I got some prayers in today but not as many as what is needed.  But I feel that it must be God's plan for me to have prayer gaps a lot in these years.

So anyway, does anyone have any thoughts? I just am glad I feel better.  And I think this food I ate will help my iron numbers go up. That was weird, wasn't it. I think I will google it some. Do you think Hannah got enough thanks? Well I do not know but I do the best I can.