Hello everyone, this is Refried. Today is Friday, Dec 12. I had a nice day today but did not take a walk. I think tomorrow I will try to do some christmas shopping. I was going to do that Sunday but it might snow.

I kind of don't know what to do about christmas shopping but I wonder if it will be Wednesday when I go downtown for an appointment. 

I am excited to be starting group therapy as an unexpected relief from my usual poverty status. I have some other reliefs where I function according to past levels, but this therapy treatment is probably going to be helpful for recovering from recent abuses. I think that the people who were mean to me did not see it either and might be more busted than they expected to be.

I have been blogging up to five times a day sometimes but it might slow down as I get this mental health treatment.  When I filled out the paperwork, I was reminded of trauma and had a hard time for a few hours. But it wasn't that bad. I am mostly okay. So I think it will be a good experience to be treated for stuff. I think I might get a PTSD diagnosis and for my specifiers I might ask them to list ten names of people who made their choice.

This therapy really is unexpected and I am so thankful for it already. 

Today I emailed two people and it was kind of cold but I have more to say so maybe I will email again sometime. I don't know why it was cold but it was and I do the best I can.

I just ate some sausage that was so good and I might cook some eggs as well. I have been kind of lazy lately and I do not know why but it could be because I take my medicine at 2 am.

My numbers on some scales today were higher than I expected but I think it will be okay. That leaves room for the numbers to go up after treatment.

Well, have a good day everyone.

 Hello everyone, this morning I had a dream that I went to Carolina Center for behavioral health and they wanted to keep me there and I wanted to stay but I did not need treatment and I had to tell them that I was okay.  Isn't that interesting? It was so real, and before that I had accidentally attended my mental health program that I just quit.

I need to take inventory of this year and see the pros and cons.  I was lazier because of extra psych meds and that was rough but it could have been worse. And I had an ai hobby that I was able to do as a lazy person.  So I have to say that one of the main good things was my facebook outreach. That was great, a 2025 blessing, and lots of sweet new friends from other countries.

That is the main thing I guess, and then I did the PHP program and that was good, and I passed 50 more inspections at my apartment.

What did not go well? I did not do that well with food and exercise. I ate a lot of cereal and lost some of my insurance benefits.

What else did go well? I talked to friends on the phone but lost two friends for reasons I do not understand. What else. What about books? I went to the novel retreat in Vermont and published Poncheesy. That is kind of funny and I should reread it. Other than that, some ai art books, and two Bronx Combo books: Diagnosis Weirdo, and Thank You, Conspiracy. Those were pretty good books.

There isn't that much besides that for the year. I stayed inside a lot and blogged. Did I do a comedy class? Yes, actually, that is what I did this summer. So that was a hit. That maintains me as a comedian.

What about facebook friends? I think we had a good year but I need to keep praying that facebook restores the algorithms to former years of happiness.

Any community service this year? No. That was the sad thing at the beginning of the year and a documentation of paranoia. So this year was part of the permanent paranoia showing itself, but some of the abuse fading away.

Advocacy: the incident with Hannah and the new website article that will probably eventually disappear. However it is a good piece of journalism and is marked by the loss of a friend. That is sad, my friend is wrong about it and weirdly turned on me about everything,

Ok, what else. You know what, I think this is all. I just didn't have much going on this year but enjoyed the ai hobby. I am thankful for that because it would have been a pretty empty year without it.

What about Ravneet.  A lot of good texts, but still missing Ravneet.  Also not as many online health appointments.  And I switched doctors and that became somewhat of a loss as well. But I landed at North Central Bronx Hospital and they are pretending that I work there.

So was it a good year? I will say that I think it was a year of decline, but a life highlight of the facebook pages was part of it.  Maybe that is a lesson, when we are weak, God is strong.

 Hello everyone, it is 12:15 on Wednesday morning, also known as tuesday night. I had a good day today and got to see a hospital friend online! I talked to Hannah Park about some dizziness and it was so great to talk to her and she is my heartburn buddy and there was a nice scribe, too. I think I should have been more mindful of the scribe and wished them both a happy holidays. Next time I will do better hopefully.

Hannah Park thinks my dizziness is not something to worry about at this time. Wow it was reassuring and I did not expect that and she thinks my anemia and sugar levels are also okay.

After I talked to her I did my laundry and it went well, and I gave a joke book to Delores, who is one of the nicest people I have ever known.  She works overnights at my apartment building and we hit it off great from the beginning. Most of the staff is nice to me now and I do not know why I got tortured before.

Before the doctor appointment I watched a movie with friends from Hope Lab. It was such a cute and funny movie. It was a christmas movie about people who were going to get a divorce and decided not to.

That has been a blessing and miracle this year is watching movies with those pals. It is my first group movies in over ten years because of the nature of my trauma from the bookstore.

Before that, I had a comforting meeting online with Tami, Lori, and Caroline.  We had a great time as usual.  Before that I went to the grocery store and I did okay there but wish I had picked up some taco seasoning and ground beef.  But it is okay, I had nachos.

Before that, unfortunately, I had a conversation with a friend who was mad at me. It made me feel bad and I do not know what will happen but I feel strong with my mental illness and think the hospitalization this fall must have really worked and improved things for me.

Before that I checked in with amazon and my books are doing okay. They made a mistake about low content but I took it as a warning to not overpublish. Last night I thought that I might not be able to keep my books available at all but I think it is okay. Interestingly I felt able to handle that if it happened so that is great recovery and work status.

I think there was something else today but I do not remember what it is. So now it is tomorrow and I will take my medicine in about one hour. I take it in the middle of the night and wake up late now. 

Also tonight I talked with a friend of mine named Wendy who has problems worse than mine. Definitely I will pray for Wendy but she handles things really well and has a lot of faith in hard times.

Well, that is all. I think I will do an inventory for the year soon. I need to think of a strategy to get through christmas so it doesn't hit me too hard. I think I will be okay. I just did not take my trip this year so it feels involuntary. 

Well have a good day everyone.

 Hello everyone, today is Monday, December 8. I woke up late today, talked to my therapist, and walked to Walgreens and the post office.  So tomorrow I might go to that grocery store in the other direction.

I was thinking about water or cokes but they were out of water so I got cokes. They were the best sale I have gotten so far. An average of 7 dollars per 12. 

I am publishing a new book and will probably hit the final button today. I think it is not a big deal when I hit the final button.  But I hope I secretly have readers for all my books. 

I am sad that I was rude sometimes and said inappropriate things.  But at least I know there are multiple incidents so there is not like one foible that is tormenting me.  

There was a letter in the mail saying I have insurance until Dec 12. Hopefully by then it will be renewed for another year. I should call Medicaid soon and see if there are any changes on the phone recording.

I did not hear back from the cop presentation job today but could hear something another time.

I think I did well when I talked to them Thursday.  Not perfect but okay and representative.

I think I need to do a year in reflection inventory soon. What went well, where were the problems, etc. A lot did go well but I didn't do great with Mensa games and in person. I think I can do better next year.

I am starting to have a lot of views for this blog so I will try to think of some good things to say.

Well that is all, everyone, have a good week.

 Hello everyone. I think I will take a walk soon. Should I go to Walgreens? Maybe so.  I guess that is what I should do.  I cracked the code on something a while ago and it will be so weird if it works out. I looked at the numbers and it was impossible and then I saw that it might be possible after all.

So that is cool. This morning I had a dream that I was at the hospital PHP program and I was just visiting but they had combined and IOP group and a PHP group and it was so fun and seemed so real.

Tomorrow I will go there for my doctors appointment. Today is like a free day because I did not have to go to the Medicaid office. So I guess in a few minutes I will go to Walgreens. God is helping me, this is my life. When I look around and feel like stuff is missing, that is not my life. So I need to be thankful.

Did I get escalated yesterday and the day before by some mental health people? I do not need too much escalation everyone.

Well, have a good day everyone.

 Hello everyone, this is Refried. 

I am about to go to my mental health program and discontinue. Yesterday I told them and today I will sign my papers. I wish I had read their notes but it is okay.

I gave a little bit for giving tuesday. The bible says not to tell people about your charitable giving. But I just find it to be interesting conversation. I don't think I can give any more today. I did not expect to give what I gave.

What do you gice think about giving tuesday? I think it is not a bad tradition but in a way it makes all the charities have to ask on the same day.  Is that ideal, I do not know. Because who knows, the whole holidays might otherwise be like a giving tuesday.

Gice I feel kind of embarrassed that my poems weren't ready and I shared them too soon.  But I think it is okay and not every one noticed or cared. And interestingly I feel my loyalty to that normal people audience that I was trying for. I like for the higher ups to approve my poems, but I also like when a non poetry reader sees a poem they understand and feel confident saying that they like.  And the first poem was like that so I will just be glad about that.

Well, that is all for now. Bye everyone.

Did you guys like my poems? I think they are good now. How were they before? Almost good but there is a difference. But it is okay. I think something about it is how I used the word "attempt," like it was a work in progress.  So who knows.  Ups and Downs, live and learn, pros and cons. 

So okay. I am taking the tapeworm people some books on Thursday, and I have some books for the friday people if they want them.  They might not but I think it is a good small mix.

I am not taking an article about escalation but I will send the link to Evelin and Linda sometime.

Tomorrow I go to Jewish Board to sign final paperwork. I should go early in the morning but I have a feeling that there will be a delay. When should I go to the Medicaid office? I think I might need to do that tomorrow.  Isn't there something else I need to do tomorrow? Ok I am remembering the advent class.  Yeah I would rather not miss that, it is a fun thing.  So do I need to get up early tomorrow? Do I need to get up early every day this week?

I think that Wednesday has to be medicaid day. That is December 3. Tomorrow the pressure is off for being up too early. And Wednesday I don't have to go that early.

So maybe it is time for some snacks. Do you think I should make cookies? Hmm I do not know. I think that is what I am unexpectedly doing this christmas is making cookies. Right now I could make an egg nog cake, lemon cookies, forgotten cookies, or chocolate chip cookies. Hmm I do not know.

Gice I really feel shaken up by recent events. But I am okay.