Hello everyone, this is Refried. It is Monday, Feb 17. Tonight I am going to a Mensa meeting online. Hopefully it will be fun. I just ate a steak sandwich and I would like to share an idea for cooking steak when you don’t have any key sauce ingredients.  Just sprinkle brown sugar all over the steak, and then at the end when there is juice in the pan, add some milk and flour and you will have a little bit of gravy.  I also started with butter and worschestershire sauce.  The issue with starting that way is that you never get a sear. But it is yummy enough.

So anyway, that was successful, just think what a piece of bread and mayonnaise can do when you add the steak.  So that is that, I feel that I am not getting a lot done today, but I am slowly and surely choosing to do something instead of nothing.

Yesterday I thought of an idea for a novel, and I felt God’s blessing on my writing life. The fact is that he helped me and my work will probably reach an audience even though I continue to feel career aspects that are conspicuously missing. But really God helped me and other people did their part too, and our whole culture had a lot of writing success. I mean even nonwriters posted stuff on facebook and everyone will get some reward some day for it probably.

So that is good.  I will start the new project soon. It is funny and I am not saying the idea because I think I should keep it to myself.  I am going to try to slow down and treat it like a real novel process and shoot for quality.  So I will think in terms of spending two months on it and then attending a novel event in the spring or summer, probably with Connie May Fowler.  I should send her a little note.  I think she is a key part of the writing blessing along with a lot of other friends and teachers.

Have you guys seen the tapir on Instagram?  There is a baby tapir who is featured in some videos and it is so cute and its giant mommy tapir is also really funny.  Wow it is so cute, it could surpass sloths and capybaras.

Well I think I might play Mahjong for a while. I think I have attention span problems from Latuda but I might see if my new doctor in March can reduce the dosage a little bit.

Have a good day everyone, we will get through these hard times. We will get through it, just keep working hard and doing the best you can and the pay off will happen. Are you a drug bum, well find a recovery program and do something productive.

 Hello everyone, today is Saturday, February 15. I noticed that I have had some blog readers in the last month or so, probably because of my facebook ads. 

I keep having to erase my writing as I write today, because I respond to some grievances and go in a direction I did not intend. I truly am scrambled with a confused mission and no consistent intent behind my writing.  I think that is okay and some audience will see what happened.  Like they will understand the level of meaning that was taken away. So it left me not knowing whether to describe and document mistreatment like a journalist, speak out against injustice like an activist, prescribe a different way like a church leader, or joke around like the columnist I will never be.  

Actually in heaven I think I will be a columnist, and an advertiser and a sketch comedy person. I don't feel like those things were bitterly withheld from me in this life, especially the acting hobby, but I think that is what my healthy self will be good at some other time.

And I am totally happy to be the writer that I am for now.  I just question the missing audience.  But there was an audience. People in India like my jokes.  And people in Libya will be happy to receive the reward that America forfeited. It will be a good judgement day and have scenes like the Airplane movie.

That reminds me to send my friend a note, I think she wrote a book and I might try to buy a copy.

I think people did a reparitions experiment with me but they failed and made me do double reparitions.  How could they not see that I had already had a life loss and delay. I feel bad for all these people who fumbled the opportunity we sent them.  I mean they probably see me like that horror movie character who walks into the basement, but I see them as the horror movie audience who wasted their money and I'll turn to them in the theatre and tell them what I think about it.

 Ok, it's me again. The hallway is not filled with smoke so I am proceeding as normal.

I was just discussing mailing my groundhog book to the groundhog people in Pennsylvania. I am mailing them five copies. Then I told them if they want more, they are cheap on amazon.  Do you think that is okay? I did not mean to be rude to them.

I still have two copies of Library Book to give away.

I can't order any more for a while.  

This morning I had a dream that I could not walk fast enough and could not cross a street. And then I was in a classroom and told the teacher I needed a hug.

So that is interesting. I woke up late and missed two support group options.  But I went to three groups this week.  

I just checked my credit card account to see if the company that swindled me has refunded the money. I will call them monday and tell them I contacted a lawyer. Which I did, and I am going to try to get 5000 dollars from them.

Ok I just emailed them.  My email was awesome, I believe I will win in court.

Groundy meets his cousins

 Hello everyone, today is Saturday, Feb 15. This is a due date for a lot of colleges. I hope everyone does okay and is happy with their choices.

I just prepped two sets of books to mail.  One for approval in a grocery store book signing program, and one for the groundhog club in Pennsylvania.  I mailed the groundhog people my Soldier Hogs book.  I think they will like the story, but half the book is other random content that could be seen as controversial in various ways.  Like I think I overdid it with religion a little bit in an essay, and the additional essay about mental illness might be something that some people want to shield the groundhog audience from.

And yet I feel like there could be a general teen market for all my books, including this one, and people can choose what books to buy.  The real issue with who should read the book might be reading level and not content.

So anyway it smells like smoke outside of my door and there is a fire alarm going off.

So maybe I will see you guys later, have a good day.

Actually I could really improve at prayer

 Hello everyone. It is Sunday morning at 5:53.  I am going to take my medicine soon.  I stayed up all night playing Mah Jong Solitaire on the computer. It was fun and helped me learn the different tiles. I think this will help when I learn how to play real Mah Jong someday. I got to level 12 and it was really fun.

I felt scatterbrained other than the game.  For the game, my concentration was good and I was able to have fun.  But for the rest of my mind that could think about other things, I felt scatterbrained and slightly disturbed.  Honestly I don't know how I am able to have conversations with people, I am so discombolulated. But I was able to think some and was aware of how much people have helped me.

One thing I thought about was the superbowl, and how football is just a game like mah jong, and how there could jsut as well be a TV audience for my games of mahjong.  Like people could say it is a waste of time but wow people have put a lot into sports, haven't they.  Just think of the millions of dollars. Well it is a positive past time.  But when we play video games we often feel like it is just wasting time.

So anyway, that is interesting. I am about to get online again and play some more.  It is jsut really fun and I like playing Royal Match on my phone, too. I think these are good steps for me, but I need to use my treadmill too. So maybe I can use a reward system to let myself play the games if I do the exercise.

Well I do not know, that could take time to implement.  And really I am so lazy that playing video games is a step up.

My facebook ad seems to be doing well. I am wearing two hats in the ad and I think that made people not bully me as much.  Because you can tell something is wrong with me. Pretty funny.  I think this might work better than sunglasses in terms of disability disclosure.  So that is good. Maybe I will start a trend.  Because two hats is very comforting for hte mind, especially for people with autism.

Well have a great day everyone.

 hello everyone.

It is about 10:30 on friday. Tomorrow I need to buy some milk but that is probably all I will do. I think I will go to 7-11. Today I went and ate lunch with a friend and attended a very fun meeting online. 

Possibly I hurt people when I did not participate in something but I did not mean to make anyone feel bad or short myself out of an opportunity. It had to do with introductions. I did the best I could. I had a really good time and I shared exactly what was on my mind.  Then I had a happy feeling of peace for a few hours.  

Then I went online and saw how facebook has cluttered my feed and taken away my friends.  And I sent a message saying how I felt.  Then I went to a news site and saw that Elon Musk is about to attack social security. So that is two billionaires trying to take everything I have.  It is hard to believe.

I guess that is all I have to say for now.  I guess I am greedy sometimes too. 

Well have a good night everyone. I will not be watching the trafficking hub show on Sunday.

The requests for trillions of blessings is now upgraded to zillions

 Hello everyone. Today is Friday, Jan 31. I sent in paperwork to access-VR for help getting a job. I hope it is good enough documentation for them. The diagnosis is schizoaffective.  Does that tell the story. Am I missing a key PTSD diagnosis. Well I don't know.  Have I been too stubborn or excusing.

So okay, it is about 2:30. I talked to two friends on the phone today. They are two great lifelong friends who I met while working at Barnes and Noble during my hardest years.  And back then,  I left both of them to cut myself off from the temptation of gay community.  And now they both have families and I decided to be gay.  But we all already knew that I was. So that is interesting.  My life is a constant survival situation and friends are the most crucial resource even above medicine, though wow I needed that risperdal.

Anyway, what is the topic of the day.  One topic is that yesterday I missed the meal at my mental health program and a person gave me her extra meal.  I think that was really nice of her even though it was tuna fish. I mean lets be thankful but lets say when when the meal is tuna fish, we should be honest.

Anyway I just ate bacon and eggs in my apartment. It was yummy, and before that was Lucky Charms. I thought of a commercial for lucky charms.  Maybe it will be a commercial when I am an advertiser in heaven. I have a lot of things I want to do in heaven.  Like it will take a lot of years.

So anyway what else, I am starting to feel boredom and purposelessness sometimes, and there is a threat on the table of losing housing due to cutbacks from washington. Swift irresponsible cutbacks.  But I think what they already did is a mistake deserving impeachment.  I honestly do believe that, that their freeze that did prevent funds from reaching people was absolutely illegal.

Anyway, what else. RFK. Another yucky guy.  Being rolled through today.  Then I interupted my friend who is watching it.  I called to tell her to watch the video interview of Nancy Kerrigan.  Who looks the same and was crying about the plane crash. It is hard to believe what a good person that is and how much it is the same as before.  So that is nice.  I was just talking about that previous ice skating incident to my therapist and  now I am having some mental health challenges of thinking the plane crash happened because of me.  And then the hollywood fires also seem like they could be because of me because I decided that I could within my personal boundaries apply to the Prometheus Society even with the reference to Greek mythology. 

And there was an earthquake in Maine that also seemed like it had to do with me after I found a possible contact to send my grievances to about some trickswindle low number switch-ups.

So what does it all mean.  Well I don't know but a guy named Evangelos was plenty nice to me and I continue to try to participate in new societies.  I wonder if I can play five card draw over  zoom.  It would just change the odds because you would each have a whole deck of cards.  But I think it would be fun and fair.  

What do you guys think about the movement of evangelical Christianity? I think it was mostly successful but had to have weaknesses and did in fact mess things up for a lot of people.  But I think God has done something interesting and social media has reached most of the rest of the world. Same with liberalism. It was a different expression of christianity and mostly a good thing.  Stubborn pride is a problem for both sides, and maybe it is time for our country to split up.  I think that could happen and it will be interesting that when the north requests it, it will happen, but when the south tried to do it, it was prevented.

Should I post that on facebook. I don't know.  Because I think the south would keep the military and the north would keep social services.  And fighting Russia and helping the immigrants are both sacrificial things.  So should we just keep the country together. Well I am not sure that is helping anything.

So okay, what else. Grocery stores.  Do I need to schedule an access a ride to the stop and shop soon. Maybe.  This blog post is too long. Is anyone reading it. I might compile a new book soon called "Hard to Believe." I think that is a good title.  Totally original and yet I suspect people have thought of it before for other books.  I think I am not using another title I thought of called "Praying for the Damned." But that is one of my weird theology foibles is feeling the most sorry for the reprobate, and spending a questionable amount of prayer on them.  However I think some of it might be appropriate, and as long as them and me are still on earth, then salvation is still reasonably requestable and respectful enough to try.

Well, that is today's mental health corner, if you want a free book email smefird@gmail.com.