hello everyone. I have not taken my medicine yet. I am going to take it at about 9 or 10. I might not do the application for that thing yet. I do not want to be too early. 

I mean I might be wrong like it might be too expensive and hard to get to. I could still decide not to.

Maybe I need to think about it some more.  But it seemed like it could be good to participate. But let's see, who would I know. I would have a workshop leader, I would try to talk to J. Hirshfield, and I would know Nickole a little bit.  And I could probably make friends.

I mean honestly I think this matches a plan from the last ten years or so where I go to one conference a year.  And I am not sure I have even missed a year except for the hospital torture.

I think if I have any trouble at the shuttle I will call Dilarom.  I think we already busted them.  It is something every time. That cop who was mean to me, the shuttle person who tried to not let me get on the shuttle, Daphne and her little diabetes scam, the intake person who tricked me on purpose, I mean maybe that was it for this time.  I think if it is something every time then I need to do a lawsuit. Because they have a problem they are not addressing but could.

I think I am still far from becoming an overt problem myself, though.  Probably someone will try to prove me wrong.  I mean that is the point though, is that people tried to bring that out in me for thirty years and the results were mostly forgiveness and patience and friendship with the nicer people.

But anyway I did not want to be thinking about that. I was going to pray and got distracted and then worried that maybe it was God who did not feel like talking to me.  But I am sure that is okay.

Then I ate a little more food.  No sherbet shake but maybe in a little while.

Am I going to apply for that thing. I mean maybe look at the application.

Do I need to do a needs statement for a scholarship.  I kind of think go ahead and support fully. 

I mean if you think about it that was always the feeling with this poetry stuff and school and I wonder if there is a reason like in heaven we see just how comforting those communities were, and how effective and meaningful, and people will want to have done full support. I mean I do not know, I just try to interpret the meaning of certain things that happen.

But anyway I figured out that I am safe within my life and this was meant to be, where I live, what I do, all my problems and foibles.  Which reminds me I still need listen to that elf thing.

Gice I am going to be having more intrusive thoughts that make me feel guilty and make me worry about people feeling unloved.  But it is my illness and it is good that I have less medicine and feel better. I am able to walk and cook again so let's be happy. I am okay being mentally ill on this level.

I thought about posting a post about the conspiracy and had it ready in my mind but decided to be forgiving and patient for now.  You know what I really miss is that article about escalation. I wish I could easily refer to it but I guess it is just in a book.

Do you guys like my videos? I think the videos are cute and I am thankful for my hobby and I think that it lines up to one year per thing.  Jokes, book videos, art memes, and now videos.  

 Hello everyone, this is Refried. Today is Sunday, April 12. I just watched the video of my church today. It was great.  Tomorrow I go to my psychiatrist appointment.  Last time someone was mean to me on the shuttle. It was racism. I can't remember if I reported it but I might have.

I had a good weekend and played my new video game a lot.  It is really fun but I get stuck on a level sometimes. 

I had a stomachache from a food allergy but it is getting better.  Once it is gone then I will eat some chicken and rice with peanut sauce.  Then maybe some sherbet, then some coffee. I mean maybe I should drink some coffee now.  But I think I am okay for now.

Ravneet said I could say hello to the NYP virtual people but I think I am okay. But this is a good reason to do an online appointment but really it is a familiar problem and I believe that I am okay.

Tomorrow morning I need to wake up early and apply to something. I think I am going to try to take a trip in October.  But possibly it is too much for me. If it is then I should figure that out now. I mean I do not know but I think I do want to go to the event but there is a point of no return. And sometimes I think back to my Asheville trip from last time and can't believe I did that because it was kind of hard and dangerous.

I will say again that I am not happy with the news and I am truly more in the liberal camp of things.  But I see the liberal bad side a lot too.  I mean it is pretty bad and I am thinking of memories where I can't believe how much I smiled and nodded with really no good outcome anywhere in sight.

So anyway there is an outcome which has to do with prayer and that is my job and other things aren't my job so I will let other people do what they do.

Gice honestly I think God gave each side an election. And permanence of either thing would have pros and cons.  So why not take the pros of all of it.  

Well, that is all. I think I will write again soon.  Gice I think I have literally no material at all for another thin book.  I think maybe 5-10 blog posts were very interesting but there are no poems and stories or memes for another book. I mean what does it mean, I do not know.  But do you notice how I haven't just published some meaningless drivel during this time? No, I worked on videos.  And in January I had that supernatural poetry book stuff, and then I mailed a batch of books out.  So I am mostly just being moderately productive and managing mental illness.

Well, have a good day everyone.

 Hello everyone, this is Refried. It is 8:13 on Sunday. I am adjusting to feeling better. In a way it might take time to get used to less rest.

I had a good day today and tomorrow I go to my psychiatrist appointment. I should take my medicine at about 1 am later.

I am sad that the thing with Iran is not over. And I am sad about the draft.

My girlfriend said she was proud of me and told me I could order Thai food. I forgot the coconut sticky rice but I have some sticky rice for the peanut sauce.

I already ate two things. I might drink some coffee soon.

Life is kind of easy sometimes so I really need to do my part with prayer. 

At Bible study tonight we read a pretty crazy section of the Bible. I learned a lot.

Well have a good day everyone.

 Hello everyone, this is Refried. It is 8:18. I am making videos. I upgraded my subscription. It is expensive but I believe that this is my main next hobby. I believe this is legitimate creative work during a time that I am mostly finished with my main writing ability.

Actually I thought of a story recently and I forgot to write it. Did I write the idea down? Do you guys remember? I think that I had an idea for some kind of funny scam. I might have turned it into a joke.

Hmm I do not remember. I think it was a scam like an alien hoax or something.

It was something that I felt had never been thought of before and I could not believe it.  Possibly I said it in a discussion group.

I am trying to make videos and hopefully I will get about three keepers in this session.

I will do a blue guy with checkerboard rings, maybe something with a hoop or ladder, and a mouse building a wall from glowing blocks. I will not be able to send them around yet online but that is okay.

 Hello everyone, this is Refried Bean. Today is Saturday, April 11. I took two walks today and picked up some books at the post office. I believe I have all the book shipments that I can afford for a while. 

My walks were good and the weather was nice. I got a coffee on my second walk and downloaded a new video game that is really fun. It is a military game and interestingly, I feel that it blends with my prayer life and forgiveness.  The way the soldiers make the marching enemy go away seems exactly like my forgiveness prayers working against whatever hate is against me.  I mean I almost can't keep the two things separate in my mind, and feel like I am still playing the game as I pray and vice versa.  And then when I checked my instagram videos, that blended too, though I don't see that as being the same thing as my forgiveness prayers.  I don't see it as having the spiritual component that the religious memes did.

So that is interesting. It does have some kind of component but I haven't figured out the exact spiritual feeling from it that happens. 

So anyway, I went to a Mensa discussion today and it was very interesting.  It was more political than usual and it got kind of heated. Honestly it was hard to believe but I did okay. I might have talked too much and gotten the last word too often.  But I don't attend that often.  Maybe it is a reminder to be more quiet in bible study Sunday if I go to that.

I thought about attending church tomorrow in person but I do not know if I will or not. 

Should I tidy some more sections of my apartment? Well I do not know. Maybe clear out some clothes to give away. Or finish the table.  Possibly it is fine as it is. In fact I think the thing to do is choose some recipes and cook something.

I feel more hopeful about the economy and think that if we can even keep what has lasted going throughout these years after the pandemic and all the crisis, then surely the whole thing can recover another 30 percent or so.  But I know I am a charity case, but that might not always be the case.

So anyway, hopefully things will keep getting better for me. I think I will send in that application on April 13 for the fall thing if I am able to.  Am I forgetting anyone to tell about it? I do not know. I think they are publicizing it some and there is a financial component that would account for a smaller crowd if they get fewer applicants at first.

But anyway I hope I won't let anyone down.

I think I can just mail books to the other thing if they want some.

Well, that is all for now. I think that I might have enough blog posts for another thin book, but there are no poems and stories and memes.  So to me that is not good enough.  Does anyone have any thoughts? Do you gice think it should be about emails? Hmm I do not know.

 Hello everyone, this is Refried. I got some groceries delivered and it went okay. I can’t always get groceries delivered but it was nice this time and included water, ginger ale, milk, and sugar. Those are all heavy things and the gate next to my building is closed.

Today someone from HHC was mean to me but I guess just keep praying for their racism problem.

I had a good group today at Nami. 

I have now used all my cash for videos.

I believe I can tolerate a break in the hobby.

I feel that I am also able to accept the end of my book career though I suspect the books will reach people.

I do not know what to eat now that some grocery normalcy is restored. I think I could cook some recipes. So weird to have been restricted on potatoes in a certain way.

I guess this is part of a prayer project to experience all the Bronx problems but I think that is an illusion and you can’t experience other peoples problems so you should just try to be productive in service to others. I do mostly believe that from having stuff wasted and knowing I myself would like a Pepsi and nachos instead of a weird swindle where someone pretends to relate.

Anyway I am doing okay, I guess I will just eat some Corn Pops and pudding and jello for a while.

 Hello everyone, this is Refried. It is 2:30 pm. I cleaned my apartment for inspection today and then after inspection discarded about four piles of stuff and cleaned my shelves and books. 

So that is good. I might have to give away poetry books instead of joke books for a while.

I think next I will clear the trash mail off the table. I don’t know if that will be today.

I need to do an Instacart order. Should I wait and do it tomorrow morning? Actually Sunday morning went well last time. I just feel like I should clear out as much trash and stuff out of the apartment before doing a good food order. Possibly I should go outside for a while. That is what my therapist said to do.

Does anyone have any opinions?